watercolor, color pencils, gouache. 29,7x21 160g paper
I have very contradicting feelings about Bismuth, but in the personal department i cant exactly blame her for her resentment towards how Rose hid her away, even though I understand why she though it wasnt the best of times to open a rift in her troops. (Also the memes with pearl’s inclination towards people who could snap her in half give me life)
What do you guys think?
also, I have been very active lately on my Instagram!
what goes around comes around (a fic for the glorious 25th of may)
The first time Lu-Tze learned of the Glorious People’s Republic of Treacle Mine Road was long before Sam Vimes got caught in a thunderstorm and was swept thirty years into the past. In fact, when Lu-Tze was young and light on his feet and had only just moved to Ankh-Morpork for the first time, he took a wrong turn and stumbled upon a narrative temporal phenomenon the likes of which he had never seen in his life.
He was picking up some groceries for Mrs. Cosmopolite, who was graciously allowing him lodging, because was it not written that What Goes Around Comes Around? He was also lost.
He tried asking random passerby for directions, but his attempts were all rebuffed with variants on “up yours, mister” and the slurs that were generally leveled at anyone who looked too foreign for their own good. So instead of turning onto the Pitts as she should have, he missed the intersection and continued straight ahead.
It was the 25th of May. Spring was battling valiantly against the smog and grime of the city, and contrary to all expectation the few shrubs that had survived were putting out green shoots.
Lu-Tze hitched up the bag of groceries and thought the sacred wisdom: My Joints Aren’t What They Used To Be. He was a bit young for that one, he reflected, but was not all wisdom valuable?
He turned onto Treacle Mine Road.
It was noon. Bright and sunny. The street was loud and busy with carts and animals and people, as you’d expect on any weekday. And yet as he walked forward, the sun dimmed. The air cooled. The hustle of the streets became muffled, farther away.
The scent of lilac filled in the air.
The hairs on his arms tingled like a storm was approaching.
He took a good look around, really looked rather than focusing on the unimportant surface bits, like the buildings and the people—and nearly choked on his own tongue.
This—this was—it was a disruption in the space-time continuum so extreme that it was a wonder anyone in the immediate vicinity was still alive. This was a rift so profound that rationally speaking, he should be standing in the equivalent of a smoking crater where a chunk of functional reality used to be.
There were no words to describe the wrongness of this place. You could say that the passage of time in this location was like a length of yarn which had been bundled into a ball and left unattended in a room full of eager-eyed kittens. (It would be blatantly incorrect, but you could definitely say that.)
“Ye gods,” said Lu-Tze, because some words always worked.
He ditched the groceries and started running.
He burst through the door of Mrs. Cosmopolite’s boarding house with a crash. The hostess jumped in surprise and nearly hit him over the head with the plate she was drying, but restrained herself, because that wasn’t Done. Instead she shouted, “Young man, just what do you think you’re doing?”
If he’d stopped to think properly he would have realized how stupid a statement that was, but he was busy racing up the stairs and into his room. He grabbed his emergency supply pack from under the bed and dashed out again.
There were images in his head that didn’t make sense—darkness and rain and a silver cigar case, gleaming on the cobbles, and lilacs blooming in the night, over and over again.
When he returned to Treacle Mine Road he knelt down in the middle of the street, right in the middle of traffic, and the carts moved smoothly around him without a blink, despite their relocation occasionally involved a minor rewriting of the conventional laws of physics. He barely noticed. He found a bare patch of dirt and got to work. He would be hard-pressed to construct a sophisticated detection mandala on such short notice, but he would damn well make do…
The air crackled with energy as he finished the last curve on the mandala. He dusted his hands and waited.
It began to turn.
The patterns shifted, then stilled.
He frowned. “No,” he said. “That can’t be right. Historical imperative? But this is so obviously a narrative disruption. An unfinished story.”
A rift in time that didn’t exist, memories of events that never happened… it had to be a result of an incomplete narrative unable to achieve a single resolution. Something, somewhen, had gone wrong, and a major role had gone unfulfilled, and now the phenomenon was scrabbling for a solution.
“Must be incorrectly set up,” he muttered to himself. “I mean, this thing is telling me there should be a major temporal incident any moment now—”
Unfortunately, the young Lu-Tze had not yet learned some valuable wisdom. For is it not written that You Are So Sharp You’ll Cut Yourself?
There was a sound like an elastic band snapping, and the world turned sideways.
He stumbled upright once the universe had returned to something close to normal and scrambled to get his bearings. He was still in the present day, but another time was—how to describe it, how to describe it—layered on top, one moment falling over the other like snow. Fog and wind and darkness swirled in, obscuring the sky, wreathing around the figures in the courtyard before him.
The men were wearing Watch uniforms.
“Okay, lads,” said one of the men. He had an eyepatch and a battered breastplate, and a voice that echoed as if it was coming from very far away. Years ago, thought Lu-Tze. “What we’re going to do is keep the peace. That’s our job…”
If Lu-Tze concentrated, he could still feel the rush of wind from the passing street and hear the sound of the busy city. But here, in a much more real sense, he could see the watchmen shuffling anxiously as they listened to the sergeant-at-arms. He talked about duty and right and wrong, and then he drew a line in the sand, and then the men made their choice.
History struck a chord.
The world shifted.
A barricade climbed into the air, higher and higher, packed with furniture and upturned carts and spare wood, held up by desperate hope and bottomless fear, the rawest emotions of humanity. When sufficiently concentrate, those were capable of twisting time into knots so complex that only a master of the temporal would ever be able to undo them.
And why would they want to? So what if someone thought it was odd that time crawled by while they were under stress, or if it went by instantly during a fun afternoon? That was what made people human.
That sound again, and the world changed again—
A battle was raging around him. Men in battered uniforms, not many, fighting for their lives, wearing the lilac…
…the man with the eyepatch leapt forward, sword a blur in his hands, hacking wildly…
…and across the street, untouched by the carnage, was a little old man in a robe. He was sweeping peacefully at a patch of dust, undisturbed by the blood and guts and destruction whirling around him. It was surreal.
The old man looked up and winked.
Time stood still.
(Well, it didn’t really stand still, but the true answer involved multivariable calculus and besides, it was a useful metaphor and at this moment in time Lu-Tze was not the type to spend valuable effort messing about with the sneaky kind of sums with letters in them.)
The old sweeper carefully plodded across the frozen tableau, ducking under an upraised sword and stepping around the body of a watchman who had not yet hit the ground.
Ah, so another monk was on the problem, then? The young time-traveler stood up straight and tried to act like this was an expected development.
“Hey, kid,” said the sweeper. “You look like you could use a cup of tea.”
* * *
Lu-Tze was convinced that this particular branch of the No Such Monastery did not exist in the present day, which made it quite worrying that it appeared to exist in both the past and the future.
He sipped his tea with yak butter and eyed the old sweeper suspiciously. He distrusted older authority figures on principle.
“So you spotted the incongruity, did you,” said the sweeper. “Historical imperative’s a tricky thing, isn’t it.”
“It’s not historical imperative. It’s narrative causality.”
The sweeper sighed. “You’ve got a lot to learn, kiddo. It’s both. The Glorious People’s Republic of Treacle Mine Road… it didn’t take long for the city to forget, but the story still leaves echoes. It wants to be remembered.”
The young man frowned. “I kept having memories of things that never happened. Deja vu without the original vu.”
“Sounds pretty standard. Lilacs, right? You smelled the lilacs? That’s the anchor. On the Glorious 25th of May, the lilacs are in bloom. They will always be in bloom, forever and ever, for as long as time exists, and whenever the survivors see it, they’ll be brought back here. Even poor sods like you with receptive enough minds will be saddled with this piece of history.”
“But this doesn’t mean anything to me. I don’t understand why a bunch of men would just get themselves killed like that just—just to be heroes.” Lu-Tze knew a dramatic last stand when he saw one.
“Yeah, see, that’s ‘cos you’re seventeen and I’m old and wise,” said the sweeper. “Why do we fix time? Is it because we want to be heroic? Is it because we have to? No, we do it because we could just let time curl in on itself and extinguish all the complicated bits like sentient life, but we decide to make fixing this mess our job.”
“But—alright, fine, but there’s still a gigantic rift in reality and I’m standing in it. What are you going to do about it?”
“You heard me. There’s no reason to muck about with a story that’s looking to be told. This case is unusual, mostly ‘cause it’s a bit under-construction if you know what I mean, but yea, is it not written that There’s A First Time For Everything?”
The young time-traveler sat bolt upright. “You—you’re a follower of the Way? But none of the senior monks—it’s just a thing that I made up so—I mean—”
The sweeper shook his head sadly. “Hoo boy. I really am paying for how much of an idiot back then. I suppose What Goes Around Comes Around.”
The young history monk’s eyes widened, realization dawning. He opened his mouth to speak, but the old man interrupted him. “Now, this is slightly more complicated than a standard closed time loop, since you’re not here in any physical sense. So if I just…”
He slashed his hand through the air. The air began to sing with mounting tension, time itself groaning under the weight, and the world snapped back to the present.
The city streets bustled around him. Lu-Tze’s mouth was slack with shock. Had that really been…?
He looked down at the mandala he had scrawled in the dirt. The wind had scrubbed it out.
I wanted to share my theories on WHO DIED: AUCas or our Cas?
And also explain why I think we had an imposter (AUCas) for a good chunk of the episode.
It helps to read along as you watch, especially as my technically challenged self can’t get pics/gifs on here for some odd reason. But anyway, I’m going to go through each Cas scene to discuss his behavior. And then give some ideas on how they’ve left it open for EITHER an alternate universe Cas OR our Cas to have been the one who died at the end. There’s no right or wrong answer because none of us actually knows. I’m no expert but this is fun and we have all summer to speculate.
It’s a chapter all about Anna… joy let’s dive into, Neo Eclipse
Okay I have an issue with this cover and mainly it’s lucy. Why is she in a sexualized pose? The Phantom Lord arc was actually an arc where she was beaten and tormented and it wasn’t BDSM fanservice. It was actual torture. Easy way to fix this would be to have Natsu and Gajeel in the foreground staring down, then have the robotic castle in the mid ground, and then Makarov and Jose Staring Down in the Background. But on to the Chapter.
We open on Crocus years ago during an eclipse. That was when the eclipse gate opened and Anna appeared in this time line. But she seems to missing some kids.
Okay that’s pretty funny.
Actually here’s a question Toma sees all this but in the GMG arc he never noticed that Lucy looked like Laya and Anna. You think he’s remember seeing as they did something unbelievable and crossed over time. Oh wait, I’m trying to use logic but this poorly timed retcon doesn’t allow for that.
So Anna and Layla catch up and explain the situation. Layla explains how she didn’t want Lucy to bare this burden. Y’know hearing this talk about Lucy and it coming from 2 characters that look like her, makes really angry at the fact Lucy has gotten almost NOTHING to do this arc. I mean christ, it’s not like Lucy’s a main character and these 2 have been flash back only characters who served their purpose in the narrative.
This is weird… Like time travel itself is already tricky and now your trying to see to make a contradiction as if all this is pointless but not pointless. Or is this following the multiverse theory that altering tie makes another universe- And I’m going to stop asking questions.
Oh now you go searching for the flying children, great care taker.
Also again with the king, why did you include this, seriously retcon you’re a pain in the ass already, just please stop making more holes.
So cutting back to the present, Anna explains how in this era there is an anomaly that she discovered…
That was caused by her travel? I guess it makes sense as the plan was to use the dragon slayers to beat Acnologia and this rift in time was a product of crossing time.
Okay Jellal is right how did anyone not notice. Oh wait Anna hid it.
So this rift in time is apparently so strong nothing can exist near in it and in this era of stronger magic nothing can compare to this abnormal magic. Hey Anna, here’s an idea, why didn’t you ask the king for help? Yeah they fear Acnologia too and they know that you’d be on the up and up. Why didn’t you ask for their help with this, it’s essentially a hole in time I don’t know how bright you are Anna but with a whole kingdom working together could probably figure out what this thing is faster and kill Acnologia faster.
The Hole is also apparently very small so you can’t find it easy.
So that’s the plan. Totally not the ending goal of Rave Master.
Or the other option is the dragon slayers, the ones were brought here to beat Acnologia in the first place.
Okay this is where I make a few people scratch their heads on what I say next, this makes sense but I don’t like it. You’re probably curious why I’m so down on a flash back chapter even though having flashbacks are a great way to develop characters. Hell, if you all remember my big break out in the reviewing world was the Irene flashback chapter which I praised the fuck out of. Well, lets compare Irene and Anna. Anna is a character that had no build up that it was possible to be here, only appeared in flash back, and we knew nothing of her character. Irene was a spriggan who were the big villains of the arc, had a presence, and build up before her flash back. Irene’s flash back added to the world and made her as a main villain have more depth to her, Anna being retconned into the present was something that was so easy to explain that the text explanation she gave of how she got here was honestly enough, we didn’t need to see more of it because essentially it would be padding. Another thing that bothers me is with this time spent on something so simple we didn’t need to see it, we’re taking away time that could be spent on characters that do need it, like Lucy. I mean Anna and Lalya are characters who’s stories have been put to rest, we don’t need to know more about them when all it’s doing is reiterating what we already know and won’t impact us anymore in this point in the narrative, whereas characters like Lucy who have gotten almost nothing this arc are still left with nothing. So this whole sequence and back story make sense, but it still is pointless.
Speaking of Lucy, we cut to Magnolia
Oh look Gray is coming to terms to not wanting to endanger Natsu’s life. I’m gonna silently cry for this scene and all the greatness it could’ve had if the whole END and Gray relationship wasn’t botched.
WHAT THE HELL! YOU CAN JUST OPEN IT?! WHAT WAS THE POINT OF TARTAROS?! I mean the whole point of END not being revived sooner is because the magic in the world is so great that END can’t exist but apparently you can open it. I wouldn’t be as mad if not this chapter actually unintentionally made a reason why this is stupid and that’s how we spent so much time talking about this Era having a lot of more magic than in the past. We know in the past END was around, he knew Igneel, meaning he can live in a world with magic just not in an abundance like now.
Okay I complain about Lucy doing nothing, but Gray’s sin this arc is he’s an idiot. He’s not telling his friends about something potentially dangerous. Look Gray has kept to himself before he’s left some characters out of the loop like with Ultear but this isn’t something personal he doesn’t want to drag his friends into but this is the fate of the world he’s not telling them.
We return to the only good thing in this climax, Natsu vs Zeref
The fight continues but Zeref has come to realize that, hey he can’t die.
Yep you heard right people due to all the shit that’s happen to him he’s going to use the power of time to re make the world where he was never turned immortal. Y’know I sound like a broken record but RAVE MASTER! Seriously this is just Lucia’s goals and motivation from Rave, getting screwed over in this world so he considers it a wrong one and wants to go to a world where none of this happened and will use the power of time to make it happen. You can’t get anymore like Lucia at this point Zeref.
Oh god just dye your hair blond and call yourself Lucia at this point.
Again Natsu is sounding like the smart one here, good on ya! Also he seems to be turning into END, well I guess that choice was really pointless as the ones who decide who natsu is are his friends. Also Mavis was a key to neo eclipse. SO Mavis was a way of accessing a power that’ll open the way to using a magic that manipulates time? Well guess we should call her SInclaire now (take a shot if your playing the Rave Master Drinking game). Now Zeref’s master Plan actually does make sense. Unlike Anna’s flashback this actually makes sense of another way to get rid of his curse, as we know, Zeref only hedged his bets on END killing him, still doesn’t mean he can. SO having this back up plan is rather interesting.
As for the next chapter being called “Pegasus vs Black Dragon”, I had a rant for that but I think it best be saved for next time.
Post Chapter follow up: This chapter was weird for me. I can’t really put the Anna stuff as good or bad. It’s doing development but it only treading over already know ground. While it makes sense, we really didn’t need this and just kinda wastes time. Another thing I can’t judge is Zeref’s master plan. It makes sense for his character but it also seems so hollow. Like this is the weakness of having a villain group that’s under developed, we don’t know if he’s been lying to everyone, saying that he needed Fairy Heart to destroy Acnologia or he told them all and they were on board with this. Actually that would be interesting like maybe Irene wanted this new world so she could never become a dragonor maybe August wanted a world where he could be raised by Zeref and Mavis or Brandish who might want in this new world her mother alive.
On the negative side Anna is still negative. I went on a long rant about how she shouldn’t be this teacher because it is ruining the bond of Slayer and dragon, which is sill true but I was still open that from chapters on I wouldn’t be as down on her as I was then. But now, her problem seems to be how her existence is literally causing more holes.
Another thing on the negative is the main characters. Gray you’ve become a fucking idiot. I mean wow. Some people say this is to make Natsu look better but it really doesn’t. While Natsu is still the best thing just for verbally slapping around zeref, my attention is more drawn that Gray is acting very dumb. Lucy as well with this is still doing nothing. This is the final arc, have her do something, now some say Lucy is doing something, she’s the emotional support for the team. I hate that excuse. While Lucy has been the emotional support at times she wasn’t soley just that, she was the heart of Fairy tail. While, she cared for everyone she was still active in fights, coming up with plans, discovering things on her own etc. But now all she’s doing is sitting on her ass either crying or waxing friendship which isn’t Lucy. Lucy doesn’t have to just fight someone to be considered, “something” she could be the one who figures out how to save natsu when he was dying or she could make a way to use the book of END, that would be doing something. But all she’s doing is “emotional support” which is something all characters in this team should have but nope lets just diminish Lucy to just that.
Final negative point is that opening of the book. It doesn’t make sense and what hurts it even more is it makes a way that explains why END can’t be summoned. If he is, you are again lessening Tartaros’s story and it’s END plot.
Good points, Natsu is again the best things this chapter for pointing out this bullshit and trust me that’s a breath of fresh air. Also Yes I’m glad END is still around as a lot of people speculated END was no more thanks to the seed crap.
Another good thing is what Fairy Heart is. Most expected it to be some world ending nuke but actually it’s a way to access time. That is really interesting.
Final Verdict: 4/10
There are some things that aren’t bad but just padding
And some more information on the ‘universe’ of the comic. Though this is all I can put for now, lest it be a info dump and spoilers. Lots of unanswered things about his design cause there’s reasons for a good chunk of it.
Archon himself doesn’t come in for a bit in the scheme of things; as it’s a long story - but since he is a main character I might as well give you him now cause I’ll talk about him lots/doodle him anyway.
for @timepetalsprompts ‘bed sharing’ trope. originally had a cracky interlude with donna, but sort of got too long (it still exists somewhere, though). fluff. and a little bit of crack and angst. ten x rose reunion fic.
He came around slowly; blinked a couple of times and attempted to focus on the mild haze of peachy and yellowish pinks in front of him. His head throbbed dully and persistently, inducing the vague feeling of nausea, which ricocheted upwards to his dizzy head. Feeling inexplicably warm and fuzzy, he let his eyes fall closed. When he opened his mouth, what escaped was a somewhat throaty sigh.
Instantaneously, a voice came drifting.
(Oh, what a nice voice. What a nice voice.)
“Donna, d’you know.” He slurred, tongue stiff and clammy in his mouth, “You sound JUS’ like Rose.”
So Acnologia (not shooting them down for some reason) follows after Blue Pegasus.
yes because to follow up the tension of being chased by the all powerful dragon, with ship pandering. It’s just like with Lucy being forced to strip and warm natsu while trying to make me affraid that he might die.
Also Erza’s Tits are the size of Wendy’s head… Great to know.
then she must’ve suffered from the lack of oxygen.
So Blue Pegasus tries to fight back. On the one hand I’m glad minor characters are doing something, but again this was never built up. BP hasn’t been a presence in this arc aside ichiya. This feels hollow.
Wow memory loss sure is selective. Okay Here’s my problem, I hate this twist, i despise it. 2 weeks ago, I stood up for the twist that August being Zeref’s son was good, and I stand by it. Because Hiro had, built up August, created clues that would questions Larcade’s claims of being the child, and genuinely got me off guard with all the clues in front of me. But this twist, I didn’t see it coming because it came from nowhere. None of this was ever alluded to being possible, we get Anna’s explanation of how she’s here but again, never were we given any clue this could happen. And the reason she is here is to be a deus ex machina. I want people to imagine this objectively, just the bare bones description, a monster seems unbeatable but a person we’ve never foreshadowed comes in with the answer to defeat them. Objectively that is not good writing. And It gets worse.
Really Anna? You did because…
looks like Igneel was the one who did that. This is one of my biggest problems with this retcon, by making Anna their caretaker that they don’t remember, you have weakened the ideas and sympathy of the bonds between the kids and their dragons. Now in the memories of Natsu’s heart it’s said Anna was close to them but it seemed to imply she was a friend while the dragons did the parenting, but now your telling me that one of only parenting aspects we knew about the dragons was wrong and that really they just seemed to exist to teach them Dragon Slaying Magic, wow thanks a lot for pissing on that.
We cut away to Gray and Lucy…
“Hurry to the guild, Natsu needs you” was more a suggestion apparently
You know Lucy, you’ve done nothing this arc. You’ve sat on your butt and did nothing. And now when you are need, you are crying over your man instead of actually finding an answer. God Damnit Lucy.
We cut to Natsu and Zeref Fighting
Zeref is becoming more and more transparently evil and Natsu stays as the only good thing this chapter
Back to Anna
No, that was what the dragons existed for, to be their parents, not you. You existed existed to open the gate.
convenient wasn’t it.
NO it was because you were a retcon that didn’t need to exist. If you were a
real care taker maybe you should’ve, I don’t know, actually taken care
of them, get them ready to fight acnologia, the whole reason their here
in the first place. No, I’ll just leave them in the care of who ever
they end up with.
Let’s just keep ripping off Rave Master at this point. If Natsu and Zeref fight in Star Memory, I swear to god…
Why I’m so mad with Anna in this chapter, because I know where this is
going, she exists to deliver us to a solution that was never built
possible till now. But since she’s a side character related to a main
character, she’s going to have a big emotional moment where she
sacrifices her self or powers up or does something big and emotional and
it will fall flat because it was to a character we just met and so it
will feel hollow. OR she doesn’t die and gets happy ending with everyone
else, which wow that suck on a side character we just introduced this
arc gets a happy ending while doing nothing of value before.
these options are terrible, and lean toward the first is going to happen
because it’s happen 3 times this arc and I’m sure it’ll be done again.
this key to beating Acnologia comes off as Hiro didn’t have faith
himself to write a satisfying fight between the DS and Acnologia so he
had to create an insta-kill. But hey understandable, but Hiro maybe you
could’ve introduced this with another character. Say Zeref the one who’s
been obsessed with time apparently, or DImaria the woman with the god
of time in her, or maybe August the guy who knows about everything Zeref
has in plan, but no, we had to bring in Anna. Why can’t you work with
the characters you’ve made Hiro?
Post Chapter follow up: I think
people have noticed my distaste for Anna, and it isn’t just because
she’s a deus ex machina, but rather she just ruined the concept of the
DS and their dragon parents, by saying she was their real caretaker.
Fuck you Anna for ruining one of the best examples of FT’s theme of
Family with those who aren’t related to you, because a dragon raising
you even though it’s a completly different species, is dashed as they
now seem like they existed to teach humans DS magic because they wanted
to beat Acnologia.
She has no reason to be here and robs other
characters of potential, but I can’t change what’s now been written so I
will come in open to Anna next time because I was ready to do the same
with Wendy Belserion, I didn’t like the twist but damn it, you
introduced it, make it interesting.
Gray and Lucy’s interlude is
just pointless and fills out the chapter. The time thing bothers me as
outside of the eclipse arc, FT has no reason to involve time rifts or
time travel. It worked in Rave Master because the underlining theme was
Fate vs Free will. But FT would make more sense with its theme is the DS
beat Acnologia because they worked together, their bonds and teamwork
proved greater than blind destruction.
Pros this chapter, It is
fun seeing Blue Pegasus fight back. Even though they weren’t
foreshadowed, it is nice to have them do something.
Natsu vs Zeref
looks like it’s coming to a close. I like how the more emotions Zeref
is getting he’s becoming more psychotic as the contridiction curse is
basically causes his thoughts to be in flux.
Final Verdict: 2/10
There is some good action
There is use of previous material, making feel like it’s important
I hope it’s readable and things;; For now till I do a bit more stuff I think i’ll be okay with sharing that kinda stuff - as some things can really only be framed in spoiler ways at the moment. [if it’s not readable i’ll edit it cause we all know how tumblr can beEdit; NICE READABLE]
So in about a week or two i’ll make more Bio’s for other characters/things that appear uvu <3
[also the smol panic sketch with confetti is done by my roommate and was from a conversation we had and it’s the best thing ever.]
Ain is proud to be a Celestial: he is proud of being the Goddess’s creation, the chosen one to go down to Elrios to fulfill her mission. It is his driving force. It is what got him out of the rift; he didn’t succumb to the chaos, he held out knowing that he has her will to uphold and it was up to him to see her wish fulfilled.
He is disappointed by humans because of their greed… probably questions the Goddess’s intention of saving them at some point. Regardless, he pushes on… to restore the broken El. He comes across discarded Nasods in Altera, and thinks about his own fate. After all, he too will disappear when he’s served his purpose. There is literally no other reason for his existence.
Going back to the realm of the Gods? “I was created by answering the Goddess’s call.” He was created for the sole purpose of restoring the energy to the unstable El. When he is done doing that, there is no reason for him to continue existing. It’s more likely he will literally, and more straightforwardly speaking, physically die and no longer exist even as a spirit, not in Elrios, or in the realm of the Gods.
Ain knows this. Arme Thaumaturgy knows this.
No, I cannot think about things like that… I must go on.
This is what he tells himself… and pushes back his fear and doubts behind him. He seals them in the deepest part of his mind. As Arme Thaumaturgy, he accepts that he is a mere tool, an instrument of Ishmael, tossed away when he’s no longer useful. He comes to accept his fate. Did it make him sad? I don’t know, but I like to think it did.
Nowhere in the lore or the job description does it say he is devoid of emotions; I think he becomes more cynical and apathetic because he’s seriously disappointed in humans. That’s the only reason. It doesn’t say anywhere he can’t feel emotions.
He seals his fear and despair within himself. He probably doesn’t even want to think about it, because the mission at hand is more important than his own feelings. It’s sad. It’s sad he would just have to accept that it is his fate to be used and discarded with no other purpose in life. He probably wouldn’t even give himself the chance to ponder on the subject.
For Apostasia… He was consumed by his grief and shattered faith.
What made him fall wasn’t just because the Goddess didn’t answer his plea for help.
The Seed of Chaos
was placed in all three Ains - base Ain when he was in the Henir’s rift of Time and Space. This Seed only grew because of the anxiety about the future and his fear of being tossed away when he is no longer useful.
He began listening to Henir’s whispers of temptation when the pain became unbearable. I can give you relief… I can release you from your fate… When Apostasia accepts the inevitability of death of all things and the meaninglessness of everything because everything is bound to return to nothing, he finds peace in that fact. It’s not just him that will return to nothing… It’s everything.
Okay now imagine Arme meeting Apostasia.
Disgusted? Probably. Angered? Most likely.
But deep inside, Arme Thaumaturgy would be horrified, not because of what Apostasia has become,
but because Apostasia is what he himself would have become if he succumbed to his own fear and despair that he locked away.
When Arme meets Apostasia for the first time… It will be as if he found his own dead body - a version of him who got consumed by the very fear Arme struggled to overcome.
A version of himself who drowned and killed himself because of his inner demons.
I… was able to lock them away to overcome them… but you… you, Apostasia… you fell… Our demons consumed you… You didn’t survive….