time passing us by

We haven’t spoke since you went away.
Silence fills our home all over the place.
It doesn’t feel like home anymore.
Everything reminds me of you,
of who we used to be.
Time pass and you don’t come back.
Winter is almost here, it was only summer when you left, four months ago.
And I still you need you. I still love you.
And I’m just trying to remember how it feels like to have a heartbeat again.
—  I. A.

anonymous asked:

how do you get over an ex when you have every reason to (he's with someone else) but can't seem to? he still wants to be friends but idk if I can handle that

bruhhhh i fuckin WISH i was able to give you advice on this because i know how hard that shit is but like honestly you just gotta give it time and eventually the feelings will pass or you’ll get used to his absence or the pain will dull. can’t really do anything except wait it out and unfortunately there’s not really much else to it.

and if you don’t think you can handle being friends, then don’t. you can still have feelings for him, but you gotta love yourself too. do what’s best for you in the long run - it might feel like your heart is pulling you in different directions but if there’s anything to learn from this, it’s that at the end of the day all you’ve got is yourself, so put yourself first.

you’ll be okay anon, eventually. i promise. hugs xx

Seven Items Your Character Would Have In Their Pockets At All Times:

Tagged by: @papidanse and @dragon-raider-queen thank you, sweeties!

Maddy

1. Ammo: When she was really new to the wasteland she had the very bad habit of running out of ammo. Nowadays she always keeps a variety on hand just in case!

2. Junk food: Always needs something to munch on! She has a horrible sweet tooth, so if you’re trying to be stealth, make sure she puts away the potato crisps!

3. Sketchbook: She needs it on hand to either draw to pass the time, or to write down important notes. It’s used as both for art purposes and to store information if she doesn’t have a holotape to record over.

4. Pre-war polaroid picture of her and her late husband: Even though she’s trying to move on from his death, she just can’t seem to part with it. It’s an old photo when they were first dating. They’re at the bar laughing. It’s really out of date since it shows her before her short hair, also her natural brunette showing. No matter what the photo will always will be by her side, and if you’re close enough with her she’ll show you.

5. Caps: Since she works part-time with the caravan and also wanders around the wasteland, she trades a lot. Needs a good amount of revenue on her to make the trades.

6. An unused, fully working flip lighter: Always needed just in-case! Or maybe a nice flirting technique of hers to light your cigarette as a common courtesy.

7. Whiskey: Hey! It’s never to early to have a shot or two!


I tag: @lapbear @blushsound @takahashispowernoodles @whatshappeningcowboy @synthwanderer @red-eye-radio and anyone else!

Evidence from the Hadith etc. etc. …


Yes. The 7th century was a horrible bloody time. Let us be thankful that it has passed. Moses killed over 100,000 Midianites keeping only the virgins. (Num 31.) The Crusaders killed 90,000 Muslims, Jews and Orthodox Christians at the siege of Jerusalem in 1099.

The tally of the dead is appalling.

The ancient holy books are all full of bloodshed and destruction. The question now becomes “who still lives this way”? Well, I’m sad to say, some fringe elements of Islam do. They are the suicide bombers and jihadists. They’re the ones chopping heads.

People in the West think: “those Muslims are living in the middle ages”. They are right. What we are seeing is Wahabism, Islamic Fundamentalism, which came about specifically because of the threat from the West. 

It started in the 18th century in what is now Saudi Arabia and spread outward from there over the past 200 years. Imagine your ultra-religious evangelical neighbors. Okay, now give them guns and have them tell you “change your beliefs to ours or die”. That is what faces the Arab world these days.

This fanaticism is a new thing conceived deliberately to stifle social progress and adoption of Western values which they see as corrupt.

Perhaps the greatest faculty our minds possess is the ability to cope with pain. Classic thinking teaches us of the four doors of the mind, which everyone moves through according to their need.

First is the door of sleep. Sleep offers us a retreat from the world and all its pain. Sleep marks passing time, giving us distance from the things that have hurt us. When a person is wounded they will often fall unconscious. Similarly, someone who hears traumatic news will often swoon or faint. This is the mind’s way of protecting itself from pain by stepping through the first door.

Second is the door of forgetting. Some wounds are too deep to heal, or too deep to heal quickly. In addition, many memories are simply painful, and there is no healing to be done. The saying ‘time heals all wounds’ is false. Time heals most wounds. The rest are hidden behind this door.

Third is the door of madness. There are times when the mind is dealt such a blow it hides itself in insanity. While this may not seem beneficial, it is. There are times when reality is nothing but pain, and to escape that pain the mind must leave reality behind.

Last is the door of death. The final resort. Nothing can hurt us after we are dead, or so we have been told.

2

Jumps on this Megane!Prompto train—-because I really love him in glasses as well! Albeit thicker frames are always gonna have a place in my heart, I’m gonna take a gander and say he looks good in just about anything as well lol 

Fun doodles to pass the time!

Congratulations to Yuri!!! on Ice for getting a NEW THEATRICAL MOVIE announced and a BluRay/DVD release of the event on July 28th! 

We here at NSFW Victuuri Week are ecstatic to see more of our favorite skaters soon, but never soon enough. Help pass the time until release date with us from July 10th to 16th with sweet and spicy prompts exploring Victor and Yuuri’s mature eros

SEVENTEEN THEORIES (UPDATED! - S. Coups)

Okay, so my twin and I have come up with theories to Seventeen’s comeback.

We all understand that the concept revolves around the idea of fears and being alone. We see in all the videos an introduction to this fear and by the end of the trailer, they acknowledge these fear. 

So we think…

Vernon: His fear could be wandering aimlessly, unsure of his path. He just walks around, letting time pass by him. He acknowledges this fear by continuing to use that compass until he finds someone familiar to him.

Jeonghan: His fear could be his image or his image in front of the camera/media. It could be that he takes photos because he has an image in his mind of how things look to him, but the outside world may not view his perspective the same. Through media, that can be altered and it can shine a different light on an artist. By facing his fear, he leaves the comfort of the home. By doing this, he accepts how the world is going to view him.

Mingyu: His fear could be related to having this incomplete half to himself. We see him alone, but everything is in two like he once had someone who shared the same similarities and now he feels responsible for filling this void. We could take it another way. We also see a disconnect, especially in the scenes with a mirror. It may portray a disconnect between what he feels inside and what he sees on the outside. I can see this in Mingyu since he often feels uncomfortable with his body. Mingyu faces his fear by finally taking a step back and away from the mirror, almost saying that he will no longer let his physical features define him.

DK: His fear could be not improving. We see his running pace remain the same, and then he eventually drops the timer. DK would be the type of person to always strive to be better and to always work to improve, and not being able to accomplish that can haunt him. By dropping that timer, he allows himself to improve at his own pace without the stress of a physical and materialistic goal.

Woozi: His fear could be related to his talents, his brains. It looks as though he’s trapped in a library, like all this knowledge is kept inside, unable to be shown to the world or appreciated by the world. He may be afraid to share the world his talents.

Jun: He is surrounded by memories. His fear could be that this brotherhood he has with the others will eventually be lost and all he has left to fill this empty space are the memories. He’s afraid to get in touch when a long time has passed since we hear Jisoo’s voice from a voice mail. He faces this fear by finally going out and visit. 

Dino: We see him land on the space “turn to the first space.” This could signify his fear of starting from scratch when they have already put so much work into their team and their music. We see him continue to roll the die like he’s waiting for a new fate, but every time he ends up with the same number that landed him there. This correlates with the “seventeen project 2017” they are portraying, that they are starting over with a re-debut with this new and improved group.

Wonwoo: The fear shown in his teaser is boredom and disinterest. We see him at the beginning staring at a blank wall as he steps out in the hallway. He also see him looking out the window and often sitting and contemplating. He picks up the TV remote, but he just flips through the channels, unable to pick something that interests him. We hear cheering, like fans clapping and cheering but his facial expressions don’t change. He could be afraid of no longer finding interest in what he does, or he could be afraid of fans no longer be interested. But it looks to be resolved as the scene ends with him settling on a channel showing the very place where we found Vernon wandering to. 

Hoshi: Another hard one! He’s waiting for a phone call, but we don’t know what the other line of the phone is saying. The environment in the room changes to something cold when he answers the phone. But after he hangs up the first time, he calls the number on the piece of paper. His fear could be receiving and relaying bad news to others. We see him struggle when he opens the piece of paper with the phone number on it, but he continues to call anyways almost showing us the urgency and importance of the message he received. 

Seungkwan: Money. Money is anybody’s dream and nightmare. We see Seungkwan twirling a coin in his hand. This could signify fear of being greedy, or it could signify his fear of not being able to provide. Either one, we see him accept this has he leaves the coins on the counter of the laundromat. 

The8: Minghao’s fear could be being left. We see him arrive at this home with groceries. When he arrives, no one is home to greet him. We see a note on the kitchen counter where it is obvious for someone to see. When he reads it, we see devastation in his face. This could be that a significant other had left him. We don’t see much of a resolution of Minghao’s fear, but we see DK arrive in time to comfort him. We also see the spinning magic 8 ball, which is suppose to determine your luck, and Minghao happened to get the short end of the stick. 

Joshua: His was sooo hard omg. He could be afraid of betrayal. It could him betraying someone/the group, or it could be someone betraying him. We see in the water that one of the two people puts their hand on the other person’s shoulder and then walks away. He washes his face, almost showing discomfort and irritation and then we see him walking in the hallway only for him to turn back towards the camera. 

S. Coups: Coups fear may have to do with going in circles, or lacking direction in general. We see him walking and then he stops to turn around. He continues to walk around only with signs all around him saying “Wrong Way.” When he finally does decide to move forward, he keeps circling the block. This could signify his fear the team going forward, but keep going in circles, or not finding a path to improvement. 


They’re alone to show how each member has their own, unique fear. They all experience it differently. With members shown at the end of the clip, it suggests that no matter how often their fears come and no matter how small they may be, “even though you’re being alone, remember we are on your side and don’t be afraid of all the fears you have.”

We see a cycle through the thirteen boys and it finally ends with leader S. Coups. His lines at the end of his video are more special. 

“I was afraid and anxious since I was all alone.” This is representative of all of the boys’ fears because we see them all tackle these fears alone. 

“Nevertheless we met on thirteen paths and eventually.” This ties in why the all showed up in each others videos. It shows that though they came from different places, different worlds, different opportunities, all of their paths eventually crossed. 

“A complete bond has formed leading us to our brightest moment.” We see that S. Coups finally meets with Jeonghan, bringing all of the videos in full cycle. This shows that together, they will be their best. 

WHO DO THE SIGNS PARTNER WITH DURING A PROJECT?
  • Aries: Tries to partner up with the smartest kid in the class, but they get rejected so they end up partnering up with a friend.
  • Taurus: The smartest person in class.
  • Gemini: I hate to be THAT person, but they're going to partner with their other personality. PLEASE DON'T FIGHT ME, I CAN'T HANDLE TWO PEOPLE AT ONCE. (I LOVE GEMS, I'M TRASH)
  • Cancer: Their parents
  • Leo: Friends! Friends! And more friends!
  • Virgo: Death because they would literally rather die than work on a group project.
  • Libra: Their phone, their plan is to just wing everything and use the internet for suggestions and to pass time.
  • Scorpio: No one, we hate our peers and could do a better job on a project alone.
  • Sagittarius: Wants to partner with a friend, but will probably end up partnering with a random without a partner.
  • Capricorn: Whoever asks to be their partner first, unless they hate the first person who asks.
  • Aquarius: A friend and either completely fails the assignment or does an awesome job.
  • Pisces: With a close friend, but probably ends up hating them by the time the project is over.

Alec dragged his feet to the living room, looking for Magnus. It was late and the warlock hadn’t joined him in bed yet. When Alec had arrived to the loft after his last patrol, his boyfriend had been very busy working on something, and although Alec understood that work was important, he also knew that even the High Warlock of Brooklyn needed some rest.

“What are you doing?” Alec asked when he found Magnus sitting on the couch with his laptop practically glued to his lap.

“Nothing.” Magnus said, quickly closing the device. “Actually, I was about to go to bed.” He added, feigning a yawn.

Alec looked at him intently. It was obvious that his boyfriend was lying, Alec could see it in his eyes, besides, it wasn’t helping his case either that there were at least four empty mugs of coffee on the table. Alec didn’t know who Magnus was trying to fool, but it was obvious that he had no intention of going to bed any time soon.

“Go to bed,” Magnus said, leaving the laptop on the couch and picking up the mugs, “I’ll just take this to the kitchen and catch you there.”

Alec stood there waiting, but he was really curious to know what Magnus had been doing, so without thinking it twice, he grabbed the warlock’s laptop and opened it. “What’s this?” He asked Magnus when his boyfriend returned to the living room.

“Nothing, a silly mundane poll.

“Those are our names,” Alec said confused. The screen clearly said Magnus and Alec.

“Hmmm, yeah…I may have tricked a bunch of mundanes into thinking we were a very famous couple and that’s how we ended up there.”

“We’re losing.” Alec pointed out, because although the gap between the two couples was very small, it was evident that the other boys had a considerable advantage.

“I know…”

“Can’t you use your…” Alec said, wiggling his fingers to mimic the movement Magnus made each time he used his magic.

“No, even my magic can’t get pass the stupid captchas.”

“How much time do they have to vote?”

“The poll ends tomorrow at 8 o'clock New York time, 5 o'clock PT…so a bit more than 24 hours.”

“Hand me my bag,” Alec said with determination.

“For what?”

“There’s a laptop there that I use to work when I’m here,” Alec said, grabbing his stele he’d left on the table and quickly activating his stamina and speed runes.

“What do you need the laptop for?”

“To vote.”

“What!?”

“We’re not going to lose this,” Alec explained, pointing to the screen. “I don’t care how silly this is, we’re gonna help these people win.”

“Really?”

Alec nodded. “You’ve been voting because you clearly want to win and I think we’ve already established how competitive I am, so we’re going to vote our asses off to win this Top TV Couple thing. I’m not going to let this other couple take this from us, not if I can help it, so go ahead, magic up more coffee—this is going to be a very long night.”


VOTE!!! VOTE!!! VOTE!!! VOTE!!! VOTE!!! VOTE!!! VOTE!!!

Usage of German tenses

So as most of you German learners might know, German has 6 tenses. But like English and various other languages, the scope of time each tense expresses doesn’t always match the tense itself - e.g. the present tense can describe future events in both German in English. This guide will give you an overview into tense usage!


Präsens/Present

i) Used to show future events.
> e.g. Petra geht morgen ins Theater (Petra is going to the theatre tomorrow).

ii) Used to show presently-occurring events.
> e.g. Petra kommt ins Zimmer (Petra is coming into the room).

iii) Used for general, time-independent events/facts that last a while.
> e.g. Petra hat seit dem Frühjahr ein eigenes Haus (Petra’s had her own house since spring).
> e.g. Eis ist gefrorenes Wasser (Ice is frozen water).

iv) Used in a ‘historical present tense’ to dramatise/re-narrate literary works.
> e.g. Da liege ich doch gestern auf der Couch und lese ein Buch… (So there I was yesterday laying on the couch and reading a book…).
> e.g. 1492: Christoph Kolombus entdeckt Amerika (1492: Christopher Colombus discovers America).

Präterium/Imperfect/Preterite

This is really mainly used in (formal-er) writing as an alternative to Perfekt, and with a handful of verbs.

i) Used in lengthy narrations, mainly to emphasis development.
> e.g. Nach dem Dienst ging ich zur Kasse, um mein Gehalt abzuholen. Es standen sehr viele Leute am Auszahlungsschalter, und ich wartete eine halbe Stunde, reichte meinen Scheck hinen und sah, wie der Kassierer ihn einem Mädchen mit gelber Bluse gab.
(After my shift I went to cash desk to collect my salary. There were a lot of people standing at the cashier’s counter, and I waited half an hour, handed over my check, and saw the cashier give it to a girl with a yellow blouse.)

ii) Used in media to show objectivity.
> e.g. Gestern traf der Präsident in Bonn ein (The president arrived in Bonn yesterday).

Perfekt/Present-Perfect

i) Used for completed events whose effects are still relevant.
> e.g. Die Blüten der Orchidee sind aufgegangen [und können jetzt von allen bewundert werden].
(The Orchid blossoms have come out [and can now by marvelled by all].)

ii) Used for completed events which still affect the narrator/listener.
> e.g. Da habt ihr mich aber schön erschrocken (You really startled me there)!

iii) Used for time-independent, completed events.
> e.g. Wer einmal Schwimmen gelernt hat, verlernt es sein ganzes Leben nicht mehr.
(Whoever has learnt to swim will never forget it for the rest of his life.)

iv) Used for [an expection about] facts which are still impending.
> e.g. Bis morgen Abend hat der Mechaniker den Motor repariert.
(By tomorrow evening the mechanic will have repaired the engine.)

v) Used for completed events in the past.
> e.g. Kolombus hat Amerika entdeckt (Colombus discovered America).

vi) Used to show a sequence of completed events, like a narration.
> e.g. e.g. Nach dem Dienst bin ich zur Kasse gegangen, um mein Gehalt abzuholen.
(After my shift I went to the cash desk to collect my salary.)

Plusquamperfekt/Plu-Perfect

i) Used to show one event before another in past, usually combined with Präterium and usually written.
> e.g. Er lebte dort schon viele Jahre. Er hatte aber keine Freunde gefunden.

Futur I

i) Used to show future events.
> e.g. Ich werde dir bestimmt helfen (I’ll definitely help you)!

ii) Used to show an assumption/educated guess/expectation about a future event.
> e.g. Bald wird es Suzi schon wider besser gehen (Soon Suzi will probably be fine again).

iii) Used to show an assumption/educated guess/expectation about a presently occurring event.
> e.g. Der Vater wird noch im Büro sein (The dad is probably still at the office).

iv) Used for time-independent events.
> e.g. Wer Wind sät, wird Sturm ernten (“Sow the wind and reap the whirlwind”).

v) Used for a demand.
> e.g. Du wird jetzt sofort verschwinden (Go away right now)!

Futur II

i) Used to show something that will be completed in the future.
> e.g. Morgen wird der Mond um diese Zeit schon untergegangen sein.
(Tomorrow the moon will have passed by at this time.)

ii) Used for an expection about facts which are still impending.
> e.g. Der Mechaniker wird den Motor wohl endlich repariert haben.
(The mechanic will probably have finally repaired the engine.)

iii) Used for an expectation about something whose effects are still ongoing.
> e.g. Der Mechaniker wird den Motor wohl schon repariert haben.
(The mechanic will probably have be repaired the engine.)

iv) Used for an expectation about something that has been completed.
> e.g. Der Mechaniker wird den Motor schon gestern repariert haben.
(The mechanic probably finished repairing the engine yesterday.)


Wow I posted 2 helpful things 2 days in a row go me. Enjoy all :)

(Super-fast idea, because I found this picture and after laughing at the Sheriff’s face for two minutes straight, the idea hit me straight in the face)

Several years in the future, Derek and the Sheriff are kind of buddies.

Derek is a consultant for the Beacon Hills police when any kind of supernatural crime occurs, or when they need his super sniffer in critical urgencies (Derek found the lost little girl almost immediately, while the K9 unit from the next town was still lost in the wood. The Sheriff was proud. They never talk about the fact that they had to circle the town in the John’s police car, Derek’s head hanging out of the window like a poodle on a roadtrip).

So the John and Derek sometimes hang out, they watch football match together, they have a beer, they talk about Stiles’ news from college. They enjoy each other’s company in a very quiet, simple way.

Then, Stiles comes back to Beacon Hills for Christmas, and immediately comes out as bisexual to his dad.

The Sheriff blinks, then hugs him. And that should be the end of it. He is genuinely glad that Stiles told him, and happy that he seems to grow up happy in his own skin.

John honestly doesn’t mean to search stuffs online, but he’s bored, and one innocent question about LGBT rights typed into google quickly devolve into following all kind of links and falling deep. Too deep.

He manages to keeps the anxiety at bay all the way to Derek’s home, and his knock on the door is barely frantic. But Derek opens the door as if he was expecting the Sheriff to be on fire, so John guesses that he didn’t control his panic-stricken heartbeat as well as he thought.

After a few minutes of assuring Derek that no, Stiles is fine, John is fine, everyone is fine, no Stiles isn’t hurt, nobody’s kid got missing again, Melissa is fine, there is no monster eating anyone, Stiles is totally ok, and getting a glass of perfectly good whisky from Derek (who apparently keeps it around just for John), John finally explains.

Because Derek? Derek is bisexual.

They have talked about it in passing several times. Derek’s ex, Jeff, used to be a cop in New Jersey until he got shot in duty and became a teacher. Derek spends some nights drinking at the Jungle and he glared while talking about shitty techno music. Derek gives money to an association for LGBT kids and go there to help sometimes.

To the Sheriff, it never seemed like a detail more important than knowing that Derek hates cheap beer or that he is a sore loser when his sport team get slaughtered.

But now, now it is important. Because the Sheriff needs someone with answers, precise answers, about things that he can ask directly to his kid.

About giant sex toys and trip to the ER and drugs use and STDs and biphobia and bullying.

He kind of blurt it all. Derek’s eyes look gigantic and his eyebrows almost fly off his forehead.

So that’s how Derek becomes the Sheriff’s mentor in everything LGBT.

It’s not as weird as it could be.

Derek answers all his questions as best as he can, tries to reassure him and, when he doesn’t know, they look for information together online while staying far away from certain websites.  

(all the while, Derek tries to ignores really, really hard, that Stiles is bisexual and apparently single. It’s impossible).

Then I don’t know.

Maybe the Sheriff brings Derek back home in the hope that Derek will talk with Stiles about all these stuffs (because he’s not sure he has mastered the details enough to give the bisexual version of the Talk, and also, the image of the gigantic dildo is still haunting him).

So they end up all around the kitchen table, Stiles looking bewildered, Derek resigned and awkward and the Sheriff looking at them with crazy eyes (again, gigantic dildo. And ER trips. Melissa works there, this can never happen to him) until they start talking.

Stiles knows all those things. Derek knows that Stiles knows. They talk about it anyway because, well, the Sheriff look kind of grey in worry.

Then Stiles finally understands that Derek is bisexual. And single. And Derek knows that Stiles is bisexual. And single. The awkwardness quickly turns to vague innuendo, then overt flirting, then eyefucking over mugs of coffee.

The Sheriff gets his colors back progressively. He wonders for a second if he should protest this development (the whole, 7 years older and a werewolf thing may be a problem), but really, Derek is a great man.

And he apparently knows how to use lube, condoms, and would never be stupid enough to use a gigantic dildo then lose it somewhere in his son.

All in all, he’s ok with the direction this whole thing is taking.

The Things We Give Welsh Learners: y Babi Sinsir

So I was going through our bookshelf yesterday, because we’re fast approaching the point where we need a clear-out, and I came across one of my all-time favourite creations ever, probably even beating shit like the wheel and penicillin. Years back, before leaving The Man to pursue his dreams of being a sort of professional clown-thing, my husband used to be a translator for Neath Port Talbot Council; as is often the way with Welsh councils, though, owing to a lack of money and also everywhere is really close to each other (this country is 150 miles wide at its widest point, and about 47 miles at the thin bit. Ver ver small), NPT Council’s translating department was shared by Swansea Council. Thus it was that, in the halcyon days of circa 2009, the two decided to team up and produce a new Welsh language book for learners between them, and thus it got sent through to Steffan to proof read it.

A Thing You May Not Know: Welsh is one of ten indigenous languages to Britain, arguably the oldest, and has been viciously oppressed over the last millennium and a half as part of England’s big If You Destroy Their Culture They’ll Be Glad To Be Ruled By You policy. These days, it’s nonetheless still spoken by approximately a fifth of the Welsh population; a hell of a feat, considering, but the suppression of it continues to this day (just in cleverer, sneakier ways now than whipping people’s children if they’re heard.) But it is classified as Endangered. Thanks to Welsh-language schools now being a thing (though supply is much lower than demand), transmission rates to the younger generation are pretty good; but, Welsh is peculiarly dependent on adult learners.

This means that learner books might have to appeal to both children and adults while using very simple language, which I explain in case it in some way justifies the bewildering weirdness of what I’m about to show you; because at first glance, this book is simply for children. But it’s… Well. 

Well.

I present to you, with translations in bold and commentary by me, Y Babi Sinsir.

Literally, “the Ginger Baby”, but they mean ‘ginger’ as in ‘gingerbread’. Literal ginger. Not the colour.

This is Mr Jones. This is Mrs Jones.

What’s wrong, Mrs Jones? I want a baby.

Note: there will be some confusion in this book about whether the narrator is speaking, or anyone else. It might seem cut and dried here, but there are no speech marks around “Dw i eisiau babi”, whereas later speech marks are used, and also in two pages’ time the narrator will actively pass a value judgement using first person, so… Well.

But, so far so good.

Mrs Jones is making a Babi Sinsir.

… okay, so I like this page because of the capitalisation of Babi Sinsir and the lack of definite article. She’s just making a Babi Sinsir. You know, a Babi Sinsir? Magical baby made of gingerbread that you make if you can’t conceive but can’t afford IVF? Yeah. A Babi Sinsir. That’s right.

Let it be known that this is Not A Thing in Welsh folklore or mythology. What the fuck. How does this work. Where does the magic come from? Do you need a faerie ingredient? Will the next page tell us?

This is the Babi Sinsir. I like the Babi Sinsir.

Nope.

But it is apparently shit-capable and needs a nappy. It’s good that the narrator likes it anyway.

The Babi Sinsir is bad. He’s running.

Uh oh.

“Come back, Babi Sinsir.”

Look how Worried the Joneses are. Funny how they don’t seem to be calling that enthusiastically, though. I’d have expected an exclamation mark at least. Did Mrs Jones always have a massive left arm? I can’t remember.

“Run, run, catch me. I’m the Babi Sinsir.”

Yeah, okay, so that’s the Welsh for “Run! Run! As fast as you can! You can’t catch me, I’m the gingerbread man!”, but once again, I’m going to have to draw attention to the lack of expressive punctuation here. It really feels like this naughty Babi Sinsir’s heart is just not in this.

“Come and help, Mr Horse.” “Run, run, catch me. I’m the Babi Sinsir.”

Cool, look, a floating horse has come to help.

The pen there, incidentally, was an attempt by the translators to work out who was talking. I can’t imagine why. This dialogue is on fire, everyone can tell.

“Come and help, Mrs Cow.” “Run, run, catch me. I’m the Babi Sinsir.”

Now they have been joined in their high-speed zombie shuffle by a married floating cow who is, if I’m not much mistaken, high as shit.

“Come and help, Mr Goat.”  “Run, run, catch me. I’m the Babi Sinsir.”

I’m starting to suspect the artist only knew how to draw the legs on animals in one way.

“Come and help, Mr Dog.”  “Run, run, Catch me. I’m the Babi Sinsir.”

Yes, that dog is definitely here to ‘help’. Also… the Babi Sinsir is literally within reach of Mrs Jones’ massive left arm now. Why is she not just picking him up?

“Come and help, Miss Cat.” “Run, run, Catch me. I’m the Babi Sinsir.”

You may be wondering at this point if this is just… the whole book. An ever-increasing flock of floating zombie creatures shuffling after a naughty gingerbread baby in a nappy who is committing the cardinal sin of running. I mean… where can they go from here, amirite? A sheep? A squirrel? A chicken? We can hit a hundred pages this way, easy. The concern is the artist, whom I think was stretched a bit beyond their means on this project anyway.

BUT WORRY NOT! Shit’s about to go down, guys.

Oh no! Here comes Mr Wolf. Mr Wolf runs and catches the Babi Sinsir.

THAT IS A FOX

THAT IS A GODDAMN FOX YOU HEATHEN FUCK

WHAT THE FUCK

AND WHY THE FUCK IS IT WEARING CLOTHES WHEN NONE OF THE OTHER ANIMALS WERE

WHY IS IT DRESSED IN DUNGAREES LIKE A LAZY FARMHAND ON AN AMERICAN RANCH IN THE 1800S

This doesn’t bode well for the -

Half of the Babi Sinsir is left.

WHAT THE

Quarter of the Babi Sinsir is left.

WHY DOES IT STILL LOOK SAD AND HORRIFIED WHY IS IT STILL ALIVE OH MY GOD

The Babi Sinsir has gone! There’s tasty.

What the

Wha

It

I realise this is not the main point to make here, but two pages ago it had eaten half of that nappy, and now it’s whole again and delicately discarded to one side, I just want

I mean

It’s okay, right? This happens in fairytales? Little Red Riding Hood? Someone will eviscerate the fox and out will come the Babi Sinsir…’s pieces, and they can be baked back together…?

No one cares!

Mrs Jones is making another Babi Sinsir.

The new Babi Sinsir loves Mrs Jones.

… 

…okay, so there’s a lot for us all to take in right now, and we’re all going to get through it at different speeds. But I’m just going to draw attention to the fact that Mr Jones is now merely depicted as a picture on the wall, and the new Babi Sinsir apparently only loves Mrs Jones, and…

Okay so they just lost their beloved baby gingerbread son because he got eaten alive by a fox in dungarees calling itself a wolf, right? Mrs Jones apparently couldn’t give less of a fuck if she tried, as long as she has some flour and ginger left over to make another. This one she made to love her.

Mr Jones, I presume, had a total mental breakdown and drank himself to death. At the very least, he’s left her, look. All she has left is the photo.

But does dim ots! Mae’r Babi Sinsir newydd yn caru Mrs Jones.

And that is the story of Y Babi Sinsir, aka the greatest work of literature ever written.

This is a comprehensive guide talking about 10 of the most used house systems in Astrology today.  Included are basic information pertaining to each system as well as the strengths and weakness each system presents.  Begins below:

A house system derived from the works of Placidus de Titis in the 17th Century based on the idea that life is motion and not stationary. This method casts a chart using the time measured for the Ascendant to become the midheaven.  Paths are drawn outward from every single degree occupying the space from the 4th house to the horizon and the horizon to the midheaven.  After that both drawn out quadrants are trisected which create the entirety of the houses.

Placidus is the most commonly used house system in the world today.  It began gaining popularity in the late renaissance period and was adapted as a standard onward.  Placidus is extremely popular in the United States and is used mainly in the psychological interpretation of a chart.  Despite its popularity it still has struggles as a time-space based system which causes controversy.  

Placidus well known for its unequal house sizes along with signs enveloped completely in a house called interceptions.  Interceptions can explain psychological issues pertaining to a person’s life; and intercepted planets can show potential issues with energies manifesting outward.

This house system is notorious for its struggles in higher latitudes.  As the latitude increases from a birth location the house cusps become wider, sometimes cause two or more signs to exist in a single house.  For this reason the distortion effect can cause struggles doing interpretations, thus other house systems can be used.

Due to the uneven house sizes this house system was the origin point for “Pletomy’s five degree rule”  all signs within five degrees at the end of the house are to be interpreted as being in the next house (or influencing both prior and the following.

Strengths of the Placidus House System

  • Much has been published about it due it’s mass accepted nature and popularity
  • Every major angle starts at a house cusp thereby diffusing any kind of controversy that confuses some astrologers.
  • inside the 66 parallels it works well and tends to explain issues on the psychological level due to interceptions created with the system
  • Intercepted planets have more strength coming out when transit planets or progressions activate them

Weakness of the Placidus House System

  • The mathematical time space formula to cast the system leaves distortion and holes in charts
  • People living above and below 66th parallels have distorted chart’s not may not always represent their psychological states
  • Planetary rulership readings can be out of line due to sign interceptions
  • Doing transits with this house system can be difficult and sometimes inaccurate more so then other house systems due to uneven house spacing
  • It is more difficult to do mass horoscope readings due to unequal house sizes that are more individualized in this system

Dr Walter Koch’s house system is based upon the idea that houses in a horoscope are relative to the birth place using geographic latitude. The Koch system uses mathematical time calculations from the birth data and points on the ecliptic to formulate it’s house divisions.  

Koch is a more advanced version of the Placidus house system and uses the Midheaven as the starting point for the casting of the chart.  After the midheaven is drawn houses are formed by trisecting the time it takes for the ascendant and midheaven to rise to the ecliptic from the horizon.

Strengths of the Koch House System:

  • More accurately uses the latitude birth location to draw up natal charts
  • The house cusps are more accurately defined due to more advanced math techniques in play
  • Rulerships flow better and the planets in houses may make sense for many more people
  • Since it is similar to Placidus many of the same rules can apply; namely Ptolemy’s five degree rule

Weakness of the Koch House System

  • “Dead zones” in the mathematical spacing from geographic latitudes to determine houses cause distortions in the charts (interceptions and inaccurate planets in houses.)
  • Still faces the issues of Placidus with Intercepted planets and signs
  • Struggles to portray equality when birth latitude is above 66th parallel

Quadrant based House system which is based on space as opposed to time. It is calculated using the prime vertical passing east to west of the Zenith of a specific point on a map.  The Campanus house system casts 12 houses after the prime vertical is cut into 12 equal parts.  The Ascendant begins the 1st house and the midheaven is fixed to the start of the 10th.  This house system shares many similarities to Placidus house system in theory.

As with the Placidus house system this chart is best used for psychological understanding purposes.  It does contain interceptions as every sign may not rule a house cusp despite the equal division of the chart.  Planets may be intercepted and contained within a sign of a house which is said to inhibit their expression outward.  Unlike Placidus this house system can be used all over the earth.  It does not have a restriction on the 66th parallel where the houses dissipate and get distorted.

Strengths of the Campanus House System:

  • Ability to accurately explain the psychological complex of a person
  • Intercepted signs and planets tend to explain shortcomings and issues expressing certain traits
  • Intercepted planets have more strength coming out when transit planets or progressions activate them
  • Is useable anywhere on the Earth with no distortion of the house sizes
  • Every major angle starts at a house cusp thereby diffusing any kind of controversy that confuses some astrologers.
  • The midheaven is fixed to the 10th house for easy interpretation of adult life focus

Weaknesses of the Campanus House System:

  • Planetary rulership readings can be off due to sign interceptions
  • Doing transits with this house system can be difficult and sometimes inaccurate more so then other house systems due to uneven house spacing
  • It is more difficult to do mass horoscope readings due to unequal house sizes that are more individualized in this system

Regiomontanus is a time based divisional quadrant house system.  The celestial equator is divided into twelve divisions and projected on the ecliptic plane. The houses are cast based off the division and come out very similar to Placidus.  The Ascendant starts the 1st house, IC starts the 4th house, 7th house begins the Descendant and Midheaven starts the 10th house.  

The difference with Placidus is usually seen in the degrees the succedent and cadent houses start at.  When compared to Placidus there is usually a difference in the position of the Moon’s nodes.  This is due to the positioning of the crossing of the moon in the elliptical orbit.  Usually the variance comes in the node falling in a different house in some Placidus charts.

Due to the striking similarities in the time based system shared with Placidus, Regiomontanus shares interceptions a cast horoscope.  Like most time-based systems not every sign will rule a house and distortions can exist in the houses when the birth place is close to the poles.

Strengths of the Regiomontanus House System

  • Takes into account the importance of birth location
  • Every major angle starts at a house cusp thereby diffusing any kind of controversy that confuses some astrologers
  • Intercepted planets have more strength coming out when transit planets or progressions activate them

Weaknesses of the Regiomontanus House system

  • The mathematical time space formula to cast the system leaves distortion and holes in charts
  • People living above and below 66th parallels have distorted chart’s not always representing their psychological states
  • Planetary rulership readings can be out of line due to sign interceptions
  • Doing transits with this house system can be difficult and sometimes inaccurate more so then other house systems due to uneven house spacing
  • It is more difficult to do mass horoscope readings due to unequal house sizes that are more individualized in this system

Meridian is a time based divisional quadrant house system sharing similarities to Regiomontanus.  The celestial equator is divided into twelve divisions and projected on the ecliptic plane. The Major difference between Meridian and Regiomontanus/Placidus is the Meridian system uses the east point in calculation as the ascendant. The houses are cast based off the division made. 

In many instances the Ascendant comes off wildly different than other popular house systems.  The houses also come out closer to equal all the way around due to using the equator to cast them.  The Ascendant itself can fall anywhere between the 1st and 12th house in this system.  An interesting factor to note is the Meridian ascendant tends to portray the way a person sees themselves.

Strengths of the Meridian House System

  • Takes into account the importance of birth location
  • Tends to cut down on house distortion due to casting the chart based on the eastern point causing more equal house sizes

Weaknesses of the Meridian House system

  • Still has a slight chance of containing intercepted signs and planets
  • The Ascendant is not traditional and may cause confusion in interpretation for some
  • Signs on the houses tend to come out dramatically different versus other house systems which may turn people away.

A house system which is based on the most simplest of formulas to divide houses.  Created by the Greek philosopher Porphyry, he created a simple system of dividing the ecliptic to cast charts quickly.  Some say this birth chart system was the birth and inspiration for all house systems used in Astrology going forward.  

The ascendant and midheaven are calculated and straight lines are drawn through the chart to create the angular houses of 1, 4, 7 and 10.  After that is established the remaining houses are drawn up by splitting each quadrant into three equal parts of 30 degrees each.  Easiest for drawing up house systems, can be done on the fly, and solves issues with 66 parallel issues with Placidus and Koch.

Strengths of the Porphyry House System:

  • Quick and simply way of dividing the ecliptic to form houses
  • Back in predated times it was easier to cast a chart without the need for mathematicians or computers (like we have today of course)
  • The chart is balanced and every house is equally defined with no chart interceptions
  • Has no issues with latitude parallel’s failing to form a readable chart

Weaknesses of the Porphyry House System:

  • Does not define the chart based on the birth latitude as well as more modern house systems like Placidus of Koch
  • Has short comings interpreting the psychological aspects of a person due to the simplicity of the chart
  • The quick calculating speed of present day computers has surpasses this house systems use

House system in which every house in the horoscope is divided up evenly in 30 degree segments.  Every house begins in the same degree in the next sign as the ascendant began.  The ascendant and it’s degree marks the start of the 1st house.  The 7th house of course is drawn opposite the ascendant a full 180 degrees.  

The midheaven and IC begin 90 degrees equally away from the Ascendant and Descendant.  The midheaven point itself “floats” and is not attached to the start of the 10th house cusp. The Succedent and Cadent houses are drawn up in each quadrant after the angular house 30 degrees apart from one another.

Strengths of the Equal House System:

  • Easy to Draw up.  Just need the ascendant starting degree.
  • Every sign rules a house cusp and is easier for predictive purposes.
  • The Midheaven floats allowing for more versatility in translation
  • No interceptions of signs or planets in house cusps.
  • The system works above and below 60 degrees lateral

Negatives of the Equal House System:

  • Does not factor deeply into the location born on Earth and its impact on development
  • Lacking interceptions with planets and signs means less psychological in depth translation potential of chart
  • The house size difference may cause issues with predictive astrology; especially transits and pinpointing when effects are felt
  • The midheaven may be confusing to interpret for less experienced Astrologers

One of the most ancient and simplest house systems ever created.  A system where all houses are equal in size, and every house is ruled by and contains an entire sign.  The sign of the Ascendant becomes the 1st first house despite the location in degree of the Ascendant.  This can mean a Capricorn ascendant at 15 degrees shows the Ascendant in the middle of the 1st house with 0 degree Capricorn starting the 1st house.  Unlike more modern house systems the Ascendant, Descendant, IC and midheaven points float and don’t always start the 1st 4th 7th and 10th houses cusps.  

This house system is used most popularly by modern astrologers to showcase transit readings in mass horoscope interpretation.  The area of life impacted is easily interpreted since a sign is enclosed in a single house.  Since a planet moves through an entire sign while in transit, it is easy to tell the impact for a specific ascendant.  The house shows the area of life impacted which is easy to read.

An example of above; Scorpio ascendant natal with Mars transiting Sagittarius.  An astrologer would see in whole sign that every Scorpio Ascendant has Sagittarius in the second house.  Mars would be transiting the 2nd house for every Scorpio Ascendant; thus an interpretation may look like “Scorpio Ascendant may have struggles or ups and downs with personal finances this month…”

Strengths of the Whole Signs House system

  • Very easy to draw a chart by finding the ascendant and equally dispersing a wheel around it
  • Lacks interceptions and house distortion due to every sign ruling a house
  • The chart casts and works well anywhere on Earth birth occurs with no parallel issues
  • Mudane aspects (planets aspecting planets through houses) are easier to see with equal sized houses
  • Strong with current transiting planets because every time a planet movies into the sky it starts transiting a new house
  • Astrologers can cast mass horoscopes based on ascendant signs because they can see when a planet switches and which area of life it will affect for a person based on the house it moves into
  • The ASC, DSC, MC and IC are not fixed to the start of the angular houses allowing for more interpretation of how they impact life
  • Due to the ancient working of the house systems, the Arabic lots works best in this house system because they were created using it.

Weakness of the Whole Signs House system

  • Inexperienced Astrologers can struggle without the ASC, DSC, MC and IC fixed to the start of the angular houses
  • Requires more intuitive interpretation to synthesize how the whole chart melds
  • Planets in houses can shift considerably when the chart is cast versus Placidus, Koch and Campanus

A specific form of Astrological chart used when the birth time is unknown.  The Sun is moved to the rising position of the horoscope and becomes the start of the ascendant and 1st angular house.  This chart is meant to show the fully developed Ego and how the aspects with it play out. Some argue it is not fully realized and accurate; but for many without birth times it is better than nothing.

Strengths of the Solar Chart house system

  • Gives a house system to work with when the birth time is unknown
  • Can help correct distorted house systems (Even though better options exist)
  • Can see important aspects to a person’s inner self

Weakness of the Solar Chart House System

  • Doesn’t have a true Ascendant so much of the chart is missing
  • Lacks any kind of angular house structure so it’s impossible to translate their impact on a person’s life

A Zodiac system in which the stars play a significant role in calculating the planet’s, houses and interpretation of the general celestial sky into a natal chart.  This system’s strength is the consistency over time with the degrees of signs not changing as they do in Placidus and other such western house systems.  This can be attributed by the fact that the stars are “fixed” and do not as wobble the earth does.  The wobble accounts for the variation in degrees over time between sidereal and time based western systems.

The effect of degree difference in the tropical zodiac is caused by the seasons change ever so slightly over time due to the wobble.  This action makes the equinox’s fall later in time.  This is why over the course of history Western Tropical house systems have a 23 degree difference (currently) in planets in signs as opposed to the Sidereal placements.  The stars have not moved from their celestial positions, but appear to through western house systems.  The Sidereal will always generate the same consistent chart throughout time.

Sidereal is mainly used in the Vedic Jjoytish Astrology.  When a chart is cast all houses are equal of 30 degree denominations.  Sidereal, unlike western, is mainly used for its fixed star interpretations seen in lunar mansions (or nakshatra’s.)  The moon is the main source of interpretation in Indian charts, as well as Rahu (the north node) and ketu (the south node.)  

Through interpretation, the other planets (up to Saturn, since this system is based on planets only observable by the naked eye) are either cited as malefic or benefic to a chart.  Depending on the ascendant, each sign on a house can create super charged friendly planets called functional benefics.  Functional malefics are the opposite end of the spectrum and can cause blockages from planets expressing themselves.  These concepts are used in place of planetary aspects like conjunctions, trines and sextiles.  

One of the most important things to realize is most people Astrologers do not judge a sidereal chart by planets in signs, rather by planets aspect each other, houses and fixed stars.  Since the sidereal system is consistent it has more scientific interpretations.  Divisional (or Varga charts) are the one of strengths of this house system which brings added depth to a person’s reading.  The other main advantage is the creation of Dasha periods in which a planetary time period is signified which give that planet priority in a chart.

Strengths of the Sidereal House System

  • Time proven and tested system which has been around for thousands of years
  • Consistent due to being based on fixed stars in the celestial sky
  • Does not create interceptions due to its equal house cusps
  • Strong scientific and mathematical calculation method allows for accurate divisional varga charts
  • Easy to read system of planets aspecting each other, houses and fixed stars

Weaknesses of the Sidereal House System

  • Does not incorporate new age philosophies into calculations and casting of chart
  • Since the system lacks interceptions it struggles and doesn’t dive into psychological issues a person may face
  • The system may be far too scientific and not esoteric like some Western Astrologers prefer
  • The translations of the texts that utilize the sidereal system are based off Jyotish writings
  • They can be hard to interpret and some of the translations are either out of date or seem nonsensical

pretty crimson.

I remember our first conversation and how you said that I suffer because of how sensitive I am to the world. Frail heart with a red smile, we enjoy poetry because it’s like breathing. So breathe with me and I’ll breathe with you. Life happens to us and we’ll change. We’re not perfect and that’s okay. I’m selfish and hollow too. Living in your 20s with so much on your mind. I think it’s normal to feel like a bad friend or a bad lover. We’ll fix it someday, won’t we? There is an ocean within your tears, your soul is bright molten lava spewing from your pain. People don’t understand us, they don’t think like us. Have you heard about the paradox of choice? There is an infinite amount of things to do– it ultimately leads back to who you truly want to be. Time doesn’t stop for anyone, it passes us by like clouds during a normal day. Maybe that’s why it’s called the past. You learn to love people, but they never learn to love you. Well… at least not how you’d want them to. Maybe you want guys to see past the pretty face and nice body. Maybe you pray because you’re scared and faith gives you a solid reason to believe again. So breathe with me and I’ll breathe with you. I pick up just to hear you cry– I don’t enjoy it. Humans are strange, we built a society that tells us you are more if you have more and you ain’t shit if you ain’t got shit. We sold our souls a long time ago. Our identities crushed by the pressures of our peers and our parents. I’m sick and tired of people telling me how to live my life. What is the value of a dollar if your passion is dead? What is the point of freedom if your mind is a slave to material things? We’re out of touch with reality. We have forgotten about Mother Nature. The trees and the bees are upset with us. Flawed creatures searching for a future amongst dollar signs. I guess that is kinda morbid. Time is running out and the choices we’ll make today– they affect tomorrow in ways that we can’t see. You’re sensitive to words. Always have been, always will be. So I’ll leave you with another I love you.

“Cry Followup”, or “See A Doctor! The Musical”

I got sad. A doctor recommended that I go off my anxiety meds because they might be interfering with a bunch of other health issues. I did. It wasn’t good.

I tapered off for months and dealt with the withdrawal symptoms. When they were gone, I felt ok for a few weeks. Then I was easily irritated and sometimes angry. Then weird feelings started to creep in. I guess it was just dread. Maybe it was weird to just be feeling anything after being numbed on meds for so long. I started crying watching movies sometimes or thinking about whatever the fuck. I started getting really sad. Eventually I would cry everyday, sometimes for multiple sessions. It’s strange to think back on that now that I’m safely numbed to fuck again.

My grandfather had died about 8 months earlier and I thought I had emotionally exhausted that, but now it was back and I dwelt on it constantly. I thought of dying with an urgency that I couldn’t distract myself from. I thought of everyone I knew dying. It felt like time was an illusion and it wouldn’t be long until I’m standing beside their open coffins, reflecting on how quickly time had passed and now they’re gone and I’d wasted time not spending more time with them.

Most days I’d just wake up and lie there for hours. I’d try to look at things on my phone to try to distract myself. Snapchat was fun for that. Christ, so was Miitomo. I wouldn’t get any work done. It was difficult to focus and overcome the feeling in my gut of being pulled down and the constant present terror feelings of death and knowing this whole experience will be gone some day, but before that, I’ll watch everyone I know leave too. For a long time, I don’t think I really connected that it was my absence of meds that was doing this to me. I thought maybe it was just circumstances and some kind of Holmes-Rahe scale thing where a bunch of life events happening at once were stacking and compounding my depression feelings. There was no way to win against it and this kind of thing encourages you to not to the things that will typically pull you out of a depression. It makes you want to seclude yourself more and work on further diminishing your self-worth mentally. Instead of seeing friends or doing activities you enjoy, you convince yourself that you’re a burden to them, they don’t really want to see you anyway, and that something bad is going to happen if you go out and do anything. For so many fucking days I just laid there. That makes your depression even worse; your lack of productivity frustrates you and makes you hate yourself. All that wasted time boils your living asshole. It’s a paralysis and you don’t know why you can’t break out of it. You can’t just go into the other room and sit at your computer and do your work. Brains are incredible. Just a bit of absence from a certain chemical changes everything. Of course, you tell yourself things like this, that it’s not really you and that it’s just a biological ineptitude temporarily and that everything will be fine soon enough, but that doesn’t help at all.

That’s the other thing: you don’t feel like this will ever end. This is who you are now. A fucking shrivelled terrified cryhole. I did feel terror quite a few times during all this. It usually gets you when you wake up or try to go to sleep. Everything is still and You are going to fucking die someday, sooner than you think and You have wasted every moment of your life so far blast in your mind and your heart pounds, you can barely breathe, and you might even suddenly groan as panic waves hit your brain in an instant. There’s a terror in knowing there’s no relief from this; that all of these things are true and for some reason you believed the illusion your whole life and weren’t always in the perfect terror about it that you are now. Still, you beg for that trick to come back, to be able to put this mindset away and believe in the stupid shit we tell ourselves just to keep existing in some kind of calm. All these thoughts keep assaulting you with some kind of biological urgency, like you need to figure this problem out immediately or you die. This is what being on chemicals to help your brain for years and then suddenly going off them is like. Your body doesn’t know what the fuck. It’s weird to not give a shit about any of this and then suddenly imperatively have to give a shit about it and be unable to escape it. Even now when I’m in the clear, I still feel its background noise. Maybe I always will from now on. This whole thing has been a Paul on the road to Damascus type ordeal.

I fucking cried watching the new X-Files episodes, my dude. Probably during each one. That’s what it was fucking like. Imagine being in your late ass twenties and something in the X-Files makes you cry because you think of a squandered opportunity, or what you should or shouldn’t have done as a kid, or wishing you had put more effort into certain relationships with family or friends. It just finds anything to grab onto and get you with. You just have a dragging feeling constantly present and looking for things to attach to and convince you you’re sad about. Frankly, it’s fucking annoying. I cried one time because a nintendo phone app was enthusiastic about sharing my character’s picture with others. Just the fact that someone would have an interest in who I am and treat me like a normal person and want to share something about me with other terrible avatars made me cry as I was playing this thing and trying to take a shit. It made me think about my own self-worth and how long I thought there was no reason anyone should give a fuck. Cripe, one time I was almost screaming crying about my best friend who died when we were 11. It was like a fresh wound again and I was lying facedown on my bed wailing like an asshole. Depression can fuck with you.

So, this got pretty bad and I decided I had to see my GP about it. This can become a battle in itself, because past a certain point, you are convinced you aren’t worth the effort and that you’re a burden to have to deal with, and someone else could use that time to see the doctor instead. It gives you any reason to turn yourself down. I cried right away talking to my doctor. All this is really weird to reflect on; I was an entirely different person then. It was like a frantic sadness, an inability to just hold your shit together for even a few minutes. The impending terror was really pressing; a constant urgent anxiety that something bad is going to happen really soon, or that I’m about to get a call that someone I know just died. The doctor recommended seeing a therapist and going back on meds. Now I remember that the reason I finally did something was because my neighbour’s son killed himself. Fuck, that really bothered me. Hearing about any death at all was bad enough, but I think that week I was reading about Edgar Allan Poe’s death and then Vincent Van Gogh’s, and I just got really fixated on vividly imagining their final moments. I think there were others, too. See? Just a stupid thing to waste your time on but in the moment, you think this will help for some reason. Maybe the gravity of that kind of thing hooks you and you can’t help but look into it. So when my neighbour’s son also committed suicide, that was a pretty strong blow. I hadn’t even talked to the guy in over ten years, but I couldn’t help but fixate on having seen his father maybe 3 days prior as he joked in my mom’s backyard and borrowed a ladder. Now his life was ruined and the son he struggled to try to get mental help his whole life had killed himself. He was only 37 and he had a son. I think I spent a few days of weeping out my stupid ass over this, then made the decision to see my doctor.

I started seeing my therapist and cried within 6 minutes of entering his office. I wish I went to see a talk doctor when I was recommended it as a teenager. It’s good shit. Beyond that, I started seeing my friends again. Before this, I think 2 years had passed between us spending time together. I had talked myself into feeling like they were better off without me anyway and had their own real friends and lives that I didn’t have anything to do with. I started to exercise and even just take walks around the block. Sometimes, if I was just lying awake staring at the ceiling, I’d get up and go for a run. I started being able to work on videos again and looked forward to it. Thinking back on it now, I realize I kept streaming during the whole time. That would become the only thing I’d do or look forward to for most of this stretch. SO THANKS IF YOU LOOKED AT MY TERRIBLE STREAMS DURING THIS ERA I WAS QUITE WOUNDED AND I’M HOPEFUL THAT I WASN’T TREMENDOUSLY OBVIOUS ABOUT THIS, YOU HELPED KEEP ME STABLE WATCHING ME PLAY WITH CHILDREN’S TOYS. Beyond this, I’d just sleep until the afternoon and try to find a way to kill time until the streams started. This is why there were even less videos than usual. I was sad.

So, these things helped pull me out of the shit. A lot of it is self-examination and discovering why you feel this way in the first place. I’ve talked to my therapist about whether or not this whole thing was because of being on meds for so long and then going off them and feeling a withdrawal, or if that’s who I am underneath the medication.  He said that it is probably both, but more that that’s who I am. Fuck. He categorized this as a major depressive episode. It was weird to just hear the words. That is the kind of thing that happens to people in their mid-30s in office jobs who are getting shit on by everything in their lives. I guess it can also make you feel like a diva asshole; that you feel you’re so important that you had to have this major crisis about yourself. Writing this makes me realize how stupid it is to think like this, but that’s the kind of trap you get put into. Anyway, let me emphasize how important it is to see a therapist if you are depressed. Do it. It can change everything. Also talk to a doctor and see if meds are part of your solution. See a doctor. Do not just let it go. This is like if you had cancer and you just wanted to wait it out or hoped it would get better on its own. A lot of people let it go until it’s overwhelming and consumes them completely and just kill themselves to end the pain. Don’t!

I got better. I went on meds and in just a few weeks I made a drastic improvement. Plus the therapy, and plus feeling like I was doing anything with my life again. I hear a lot about hesitation to go on meds because you feel like they may change the foundation of who you ever are. This doesn’t happen. For me, it made me feel more free to be who I felt like I really was. That said, it may numb your emotions if you are a person who typically feels a lot of things. Just talk to a doctor about any concerns you have and don’t let these build up and become reasons you don’t get help for yourself. You are worth it. The doctor isn’t angry to have to deal with you. If it will cost what you can’t afford, don’t let that become an excuse not to do it. Save up or find a way to make it work. Again, it’s like if you couldn’t afford cancer treatments so you just let it kill you instead of finding out how you can make the situation work financially. What you’re dealing with is serious! Do something about it!

I almost forgot to mention that a lot of getting better was having something to look forward to. Knowing I’d see my friends and we’d have a good time was part of it. Another was spending all of my fucking money to go to as many conventions as I could. They were something I enjoyed in the past but didn’t bother with much anymore, so I decided to get back into them. It was the best choice. Thanks for coming to drink a lot of beers and talk shit if I saw you at a PAX or TwitchCon or Magfest! They were sincerely some of the best times of my life. Knowing that it wouldn’t be long until I’d be at another convention helped a lot with otherwise feeling complete dread. The power of giving yourself something great to look forward to is really strong! Do it! Find things you like and make time for them. Reward yourself! At one point, I got into a really unbalanced lifestyle and would spend maybe 60 or 70 hours a week editing videos and I burned myself out to shit. All I would think about was the job and let my health and relationships go to shit. You’re not supposed to do that. Give yourself good things and make it a habit. Anyway, PAX East soon, my man.

When I wrote my last crypost, a lot of people responded it it. I was in a daze for the rest of that day as I heard from a mountain of individuals. A lot of you deal with issues like this and a lot of you feel hopeless about it. It’s fucked up! This is your life! You’re entitled to a good one! Doing something about it will take a lot less than you may think, and will help you in a lot more ways and probably faster than you may think. A lot of you also said since that you’ve decided to finally get help. So yeah motherfucker I had a cool cry about your messages several times. What was also helpful was anonymous tumblr questions saying they got help so others could see your experiences and know I’m not just yelling out my dick about this. Thanks! You helped people!

Ok I think I have to cut this short now, it got late and I try not to stay awake until fucking 7 AM these days. I feel like I missed a few of the main points I wanted to make but by now I think you get the point that you can feel like you are going to face total annihilation within the next few moments and still get back to normal in very little time. I almost just wrote “Hopefully talking about my own cringe-ass experience helped you with…” and so forth to end this on a light-hearted self-shitting, but that again is part of the problem. Feeling as if your issues are embarrassing, not worthy, juvenile, or to be written off as not serious is no good. I know we joke about this kind of thing to help deal with it, but don’t feel that way for real. AGAIN, YOU’RE WORTH IT. YOU’RE GOOD! YOU’RE WORTH DOING WHATEVER IT TAKES TO FEEL NOT FUCKED UP! GO! 


Go!

This idea is also behind my organization of this book as a modern Canterbury Tales. Then as now, we pass the time by telling stories to each other; fanfiction reminds us that storytelling isn’t a professional activity, but a human one in which originality and publishability is rarely the point. As in the Canterbury Tales, storytelling in fandom is social, communal, responsive; a game of sorts. The Tales is organized as a storytelling challenge (“that each of you, beguiling the long day / Shall tell two stories as you wend your way / To Canterbury town; and each of you / On coming home shall tell another two”) of a kind familiar to any fanfiction writer. Fandom loves story challenges— ficathons and fests, Secret Santas and Big Bangs, porn battles,  flash fiction, bingo challenges, Yuletide—which encourage and organize creativity for the general pleasure of the group; just as the pilgrims get to hear all the tales, challenge participants get to read the glut of stories produced. And as the Host notes, this storytelling game shall “give you joy, and it shall cost you nought.”
—  “Five Things That Fanfiction Is, and One Thing It Isn’t,” Introduction to The Fanfiction Reader: Folk Tales for the Digital Age

lezzipride  asked:

Voltron legendary defender Klance "I cradled you in my arms!"

Keith’s hand begins to sweat in Lance’s grasp. He stumbles over tree roots and loose rocks as he’s pulled through the forest at Lance’s insistence, and they’ve been walking some time now.

“Whatever you want to show me better be worth it.” he grumbles. He’s missing dinner for this. He tries not to think about what delicious meal Hunk is whipping up back at the castle. His stomach growling makes it difficult.

“Not too much more,” Lance smiles over his shoulder. He easily navigates the path like he’s walked it numerous times. He barely hesitates to hop over a log that Keith only barely manages to see in the darkness. They turn a corner and come to a clearing. Lance slows and listens to Keith’s soft gasp. His eyes widen and take in the sight in front of him. 

There’s a pond, that must be filled with some kind of bioluminescent organisms, because it glows bright blue in the darkness. The banks of the pond are covered in large, fragrant white blossoms that look brilliant against the light of the pond and bright moon in the sky. Dark rocks erupt out of the earth, and are so polished that they look more like mirrors. A breeze rushes through the low hanging branches of the trees and carries with it something that smells like jasmine. Keith approaches the glowing water, transfixed. 

“Here,” Lance leads him to a flattened side of the bank. A blanket has been laid out and a woven basket sits beside it. Lance begins to kneel on the blanket.

“What is all this?” Keith breathes.

“Happy anniversary, babe.” Lance throws his arms out proudly. Keith beams… then falters.

“I’m… oh god, Lance, I’m so… I haven’t done anything for…”

“Hey, hey, it’s ok.” Lance grabs Keith’s hand and tugs him down onto the blanket. He kisses the back of his knuckles. 

“Time gets really confusing out here. I honestly forgot my own birthday one year. You’re 22 now. Did you know that?” 

“I think I recall someone telling me that?” Keith laughs. Years slip by easily in space. The only markers of time having passed are old photos. Lance used to be so skinny, and Keith used to be so soft and bright-eyed. Keith leans forward and runs his knuckles along the bristles of Lance’s undercut.

“You got so handsome.” Keith smiles. Lance laughs in his throat. His hands reach up to scratch behind Keith’s large ears that are now permanently covered in a soft, purple, fur. Galra puberty and being exposed to quintessence in battle had permanently brought out some of Keith’s Galra ancestry. Keith had grown his hair even longer in an attempt to cover it up, but Lance will frequently braid his hair or tie it up so he can see them. He thinks they’re cute, and will whisper in Keith’s ears just how much he likes them. 

“You’re still beautiful.” Lance serenely smiles. The blue glow around them brings out his eyes. Keith makes a self conscious huff and tries to pull away. Lance giggles and follows after him. He raises up on his knees and pulls Keith close, placing a kiss between his eyes. 

“Do you want to swim or eat first?” He asks. Keith’s stomach tries to persuade him to answer one way, but Keith knows just how excited Lance must be to go in the water. 

“Is it safe?”

“I had Pidge perform a water sample this morning. It’s harmless.”

“Yeah? I’ll swim first then.”

“Really?!” 

“Yeah.”

Keith smiles fondly as his boyfriend strips down to his boxers. His muscular chest flexes as he pulls Keith to his feet and begins to help him get his shirt off. Keith chuckles at Lance’s eagerness. 

They slip into the water and the coolness is soothing on their joints. The bright, blue light blanches out the patches of purple that appeared on Keith’s neck and chest some time ago. A large scar stands out strikingly against Lance’s abdominals. They had definitely gotten older. Keith hates to think what a younger version of himself would say if he could see what he looks like now.

But then again, with Lance’s hands trailing streams of water up his back, and his lips beginning to sensuously beckon Keith’s mouth to open for him… he thinks 16 year old Keith would give up all of his limbs for this experience. 

The water laps at their waist and Lance continues to kiss Keith senseless. Only after his lungs begin to burn does he pull back. He rests their foreheads together and cups either side of Keith’s neck with wet hands. 

“Keith,” He breathes. “I have to ask you something.” Nervousness crosses Lance’s features. Keith’s brows wrinkle with worry. What was going on?

Lance begins to rummage in a small pocket on his boxers. He opens Keith’s hand and places something in the middle of his palm. A ring, so translucent you could mistake it for glass, but it’s heaver and there is the slightest blue sheen to it. When the light hits it, it casts dapples of light onto Keith’s hand. 

“I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” Lance breathes. “And I wondered if you would let me?” The tiniest smile graces Lance’s lips. Keith stares at him in awe. His stomach twists painfully and tears come without warning. He nods with a sob. His fingers tremble around the ring in his hand. 

“Oh Keith, babe.” Lance wades forward. A small wave crashes against Keith’s stomach from the motion. Lance takes the ring and slips it onto Keith’s shaking finger. Keith won’t stop nodding.

“Are you sure?” Lance laughs and kisses the tears off his cheek.

“I cradled you in my arms!” Keith loudly announces. Lance jumps back in shock. 

“And I knew I’d never be able to let you go.” Keith’s eyes, filled with honesty and love, stare at Lance like he’s the most beautiful curse that was ever cast upon him. 

Now it’s Lance’s turn to be knocked speechless. 

@xiulayallday described her impressions of seeing EXO in New York and her descriptions are dead on. I can’t put into words what it’s like to have been watching them for years on your computer screen and then they’re walking next to you on a street.

Suho was the first person I saw when I got into that area of the city. Literally the first person. I didn’t immediately think “Suho!” I thought, oh wow what a handsome guy…Wait he looks familiar. WAIT. I’m 5'9" and he was definitely shorter than me and in a city filled with gorgeous people, he still stood out.

We wandered on a bit when @uminbean was looking around and said quietly “that looks like Chen… It’s Chen”. By the time I looked properly I could only see the back of him, but I could still see it was him by those legs.

We got up thinking wow, 2 EXO members? What a day! When I glanced over and saw an unmistakable pair of ears crossing the street, and by the time I processed that it was Chanyeol, Baekhyun was beside him. Baekhyun looked a bit… uncomfortable? I only made brief eye contact then stayed away because I didn’t want to be associated with the horde of fans following them around and wanted them to just have a good day. Chanyeol was shorter than I anticipated (I think I assumed he was just beastly tall by how people talk about him). Still tall though, just not gigantic. Baekhyun was not as short as I thought he’d be either. About my height.

My friends and I go lean on a wall to process what we’ve just experienced in the span of 20 minutes, when @uminbean whispers in a ‘brace yourself’ voice, “Sehun is coming”. Now this is my bias. Can I do this? Will I just fall over? Will I go blind and cease to feel emotion? I didn’t. He was perfect. I couldn’t believe he was real, and he looked just as he does in pictures. And he was about the height I imagined. He walked by me not 3 feet from where I stood. I still can’t believe it.

We all needed to sit down at this point and wanted to get as far away from the stalking fans as possible. Chanyeol and Baekhyun passed us TWO more times filming something and I wanted to shout “how is this real right now?!”

We walked on a bit and my friend whispered “it’s Xiumin” and there he was, 2 feet from us happily watching a show. No fans around bothering him. It’s the only time @xiulayallday and I got our phones out because we knew we could snap a picture without causing him stress and hell, he was taking pictures too. He was so bronze and handsome. Smiling and laughing. It made us so happy.

Now today we go see their show. Wow.