till you run out of cake

The 16 types with 99 problems

ENTJ: has 99 problems, but their minions solve every single one.

ENTP: has 99 problems, but too busy arguing with everyone.

INTJ: has 99 problems, oh wait….they don’t, they solved those when they were one.

INTP: has 99 problems, but procrastinates on every single one.

ENFP: has 99 problems, but too hyper to get anything done.

INFP: has 99 problems and writes poems to describe every single one.

ENFJ: has 99 problems, but also wants to please everyone.

INFJ: has 99 problems, wants help, but doesn’t want to bother anyone.

ISTP: has 99 problems and if you’re one of them, you better run.

ESFP: has 99 problems, but parties till one.

ESTP: has 99 problems, but gets drunk and doesn’t solve even one.

ISFP: has 99 problems and being too sensitive is every single one.

ESTJ: has 99 problems, gets frustrated and lashes out on everyone.

ISTJ: has 99 problems and systematically gets things done.

ISFJ: has 99 problems, but busy baking cakes for everyone.

ESFJ: has 99 problems, but buys a gift for their loved ones.

Surprise?| Steve Rogers x Reader.

Summary: Reader plans a surprise party for her boyfriend but it doesn’t go as planned.

Pairings: Steve x Reader, Reader x Avengers

Warnings: Fluff, Dorky Steve, Language 

Word Count: 1000+

A/N: I thought Steve should get a little love? Hope you enjoy!

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The Mrs. 4

Pairing: (Mobster) Eggsy Unwin x Reader

Warning: Swearing. Gangster Shit. Sass. Physical Harm. Cat Fights. Law Breaking. Lying. Scandal. Mob Boss Shit.

A/N: Italicized pieces are basically Narrative parts.

When you met Gary Unwin, your brother Charlie on his pay roll. You thought the Mob Boss of London would be scarier. A man with his reputation, a girl like you shouldn’t be caught dead with him, but you don’t care. Being Eggsy’s dame came with a lot of perks and you only ask one thing of him. “Stay out of jail.” But any Mobster’s girl should know, they can’t keep their word. When Eggsy goes away, the crew looks to you for orders. Can you stand with your man or is Mob life just not for you?

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- barista!yoongi scenario | tea and sympathy -

 what’s the best way to get over a bad break-up? ordering everything on the sweet menu at the nearest cafe, of course!  

A/N: this was requested by @justthewaymymindworks, but it somehow became a barista!au? I hope you don’t mind… :)
genre: fluff, mild angst
word count: 2.1k


Ten minutes and twenty-three seconds since the damage was done.

Now, you’re in the nearest café, ordering all the sweets you can afford, and swallowing tears.

The barista eyes you over the counter, eyebrows raising a millimetre with each dessert you order.

“… and a slice of Victoria sponge, and some of those macaroons, and a brownie, and a triple-chocolate muffin…”

His eyes shuffle over you, taking in the red nose, the tear-clumped eyelashes, the wobbling lips – all part of the barely functioning human that is you. He doesn’t comment, just asks: “Anything else?”

“A chamomile tea.” You avert your gaze, not wanting his judgement. It’s not his business what you order. Yeah, that’s right, Mr… (you glance at his name tag) … Mr Yoongi, it’s not your business. This is between me, and my stomach… and my ex-boyfriend who just left me standing in the street.

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Okay so can we take a second to appreciate red haired Michael?

I mean first of all it brings out the green in his eyes so nicely <3

And of course there are so many memories associated with red haired Michael!! Like all the award shows! For example the AMA’s!

And of course the Aria’s!

And then there’s this unforgettable pic, hot damn

And then of course just the day to day, general sexiness

And of course it just brought out the eyebrow ring even more ;)

And of course the hair dye fiasco!

Let’s not forget the creation of the man cave 

And Taylor Swift’s birthday party! 

The people’s magazine pants down pic <3 <3 <3

And then, my personal favorite: After months of being MIA, he came out looking like this.………

We had a great run with Red Haired Michael <3 hopefully he will make a swift return because damn you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone!

The Start of My INTJ Playlist

Some of these are serious, some not so much, but all of them have a distinctly INTJ vibe.

Coldplay: The Scientist. “I was just guessing, at numbers and figures. Pulling the puzzle apart. Questions of science, science and progress, do not speak as loud as my heart.”

Hamilton: Wait for it. “I am the one thing in life I can control. I am inimitable. I am an original. I’m not falling behind or running late. I’m not standing still I am lying in wait.”

Jonathan Coulton: Artificial Heart. “You’re happy again, I nod and pretend to think it through. I don’t need to think at all if I don’t care for you.”

Jonathon Coulton: The Future Soon.It’s gonna be the future soon. I won’t always be this way. When the things that make me weak and strange get engineered away.”

Green Day: Boulevard of Broken dreams.I walk these empty streets, on the boulevard of broken dreams. Where the city sleeps and I’m the only one and I walk alone.” 

Jonathan Coulton: Still Alive. “But there’s no sense crying over every mistake. You just keep on trying till you run out of cake. And the science gets done and you make a neat gun, for the people who are still alive.” 

Twenty One Pilots: Ride. Yeah, I think about the end just way too much
But it’s fun to fantasize.”

“…But I don’t seem to see many bullets coming through. See many bullets coming through Metaphorically, I’m the man But literally, I don’t know what I’d do “I’d live for you, ” and that’s hard to do Even harder to say when you know it’s not true.”    

Mukami: over protective. Requested by Anon.

(Hope you enjoy. I accidentally deleted this so I’m having to post it again….)

They lost it, as they watched one of your bullies shove you against the locker.
Tsk, no one was allowed to hurt you, much less lay a hand on you.
A fire erupted inside them as they calmly walked over, it was the calm that comes right before the storm.

Ruki
He said noting just delivered a harsh swift punch to the male’s gut and watched as the game crumbling down.
Coughing up blood Ruki smiled, and grabbed the male by the hair and was about to break his face on his knee. Because he wanted anyone who dare lay a hand on you to suffer, Ruki wanted him dead.
He didn’t care that the crowd was looking on in horror, all it mattered was you. He had hurt you and wanted to make sure no one would think of doing that again.

Kou
“Hurting a female now are we? I wonder how the school would take to a video of you beating up another female.”
Kou smirked as head his phone in the air, wiggling it around.
“This might in fact prove about all the beats that have been said against you.” He smiled, “shall I send it?” He smirked as the color drained from the male’s face.
“N-no! If my parents find-”
“Oops too late there is goes.” Kou smirked as the male back away from you and fell to his knees.
“Now all the world knows you has an abusive prick, have a nice life now.”

Yuma
One look at Yuma and the poor squeaked but decided to be brave and hold up his fists.
“Heh, you touched my Sugar cube, and you don’t think I won’t grind you into the ground like a bug under my shoe.” Yuma grinned like that of a devil.
The male shook and turn tall running for it as Yuma chuckled lowly.

Azusa
Sweet one, known for taking hits not giving them out, was standing over a bloodily body of a male that dare touch you.
The blood caked on his hands and staining his bandages.
“I wouldn’t…have…you hurting…my flower…that…way. Understand…..ill…always fight…for her…always till..my…last..breath.”

Imagine walking down to a stream when it’s your turn to bathe and seeing Bofur still there, shirtless, rebraiding his hair

Imagine || Averil of Fairlea

Afic request for the lovely caracalwithchips and all other beautiful Bofur lovers from an imaginexhobbit prompt.

                                     *****

“All right, you,” Oin said, pointing at you from his perch on a large rock. “Your turn.”

Finally! That meant time to dip into the nearby stream and scrub off whatever goo had attached itself to your skin during the last harrowing leg of the journey. If this was goblin saliva on you, it was going to be a very long time before anyone else had a turn.

You strolled past the bulrushes and cord grass, towel over your arm, singing as you went:

Bobby Shafto’s gone to sea,

Silver buckles at his knee;

He’ll come back and marry me,

Bonny Bobby Shafto!

Halt.

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Avengers’ 4th of July party

*stuffs his face*

“Tony, could you wait for the rest of the team and not eat everything?!”

“Mho! *swallows* I always have to battle with Clint for the last burger! This time I’m gonna be one step ahead of him!”

“Ahhhh what do my damaged ears have to hear?? Someone said my name and I believe it was a whiny, whiny Tony! ON THE DAY OF HIS FREAKING SUPERSOLDIER’S BIRTHDAY!!! Don’t be whiny, Edward, it is a day of  celebration!! OF DOUBLE CELEBRATION!!! THE FOURTH OF JULYYY!!”

“Gosh these two, we should at best never invite them to the same parties again! Come here, you big puppy dog!! Happy Birthday!! *hugs him*”

“Yeah, happy birthday, Steve!! I wish Clint would have wished you a happy birthday as well, but I could imagine he already wrote you a long heart-wrenching Happy Birthday text message at midnight, didn’t he?”

“Aw, thanks guys! And yeah, I did get Clint’s love message.. Thanks, buddy! In fact, Tony is the only one who didn’t wish me happy birthday yet!”

“Don’t worry, your pretty blond head, you will get your wishes. And more. So, don’t stuff yourself too much, because tonight we will get buseey~!”

“That was so disgusting on so many levels!! You can’t say something like that while you’re stuffing yourself!!”

“Don’t worry, we all know Steve has a thing for Tony’s round little tummy!” 

“Let’s just please drop that and move on to having a fantastic Fourth-Of-July-Birth-Of-Captain-America picnic!” 

“No, I wanna give Stevie our present!!” 

“Later, Clint!” 

“NOOO NOW!!! IT’S GLORY HE NEEDS TO SEE IT!!”

“You guys got me a present?! Really?! Ah, that’s soo– um.. Babe, you’re alright?”

*grumbles something about Natasha being the meanest person on earth and never being so insulted in his entire life*

“Aww Tony, don’t be a sissy! You know it’s true!” *smudges a bit of whipped cream on his cheek*

“Nat, don’t rile him up!”

*comes to them running and gasping, a present in his hands* “HERE IT I - “ *falls into the grass* “I GOT YOU YOUR PRESENT FROM THE CAR, STEVE!!”

*makes a face at Natasha*

*enjoys the chaos around him* “Aw, thanks buddy! What is it?”

“Round, cute little belly!!” *tickles Tony’s tummy a bit*

“YOU GOTTA OPEN IT!!! I ain’t tellin ya!! But it’ll mean a lot to you! We had some help from Coulson!”

“That’s nice of him to help. Didn’t see him in a while, guess he is busy training his agents.. Okay, let’s see..” *opens his present*

“Nahahahat! Stahp!” *runs and hides behind Bruce*

*sees his old records from the war* “Guuysss.. Thank you! It’s everything here! My team, Bucky.. I didn’t even know it was all saved, that’s really – Oh no.. No, no.. It this commercial of me selling war bonds.. How did that even.. Please, tell me no one had seen it..”

“Hey, we totally should!” *snatches the record from Steve* “Who wants to see Captain America punching Hitler?!”

“Tony, give me that back!!” *start to chase Tony around*

“Yeah Tony, don’t be a dick!!” *picks up a piece of cake and aims at Tony, but catches Steve’s neck* “… Oops!”

The greatest archer that ever lived and he can’t even throw a piece of cake!”

“Right? This is how it’s done!!” *throws cake into Tony’s face*

“HA! Francis throws like a girl! UMPF!!” *gets caked by Natasha*

*grabs the record from Tony* “Guys, stop wasting my cake!”

“Yeah!! Me and Steve planned to use it later on to eat it off each other bodies, so you kinda quickened the process for us. Thank you!”

“Tony…”

“Right! Throwing like a girl! How do I throw Tony? Does this seem very unprecise to you?” *smashes the cake in Tony’s face*

“Perfect! Now we can all be part of the fun and eat the cake off Tony’s face!”

“Here is your plate, Steve! This looks like a nice piece for your birthday Captain!” *scraps cake from Tony’s face onto the plate*

“Thanks, Bruce, I can always count on you, my science bro.” *licks the cake off his own face*

“Okay, that’s enough! Another person who throws my cake, will be doing squats for a week!”

“ … “

*bops Steve’s nose with whipped cream on his finger*

“ … “

“Someone’s gonna die!”

*looms over Clint with a pissed of expression and after a while takes a piece of cake and smashes it into Clint’s face*

“YOU SON OF A - IT’S ON NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!” *throws himself against Steve*

“We can’t stay out of this, Bruce!!” *pushes Steve’s plate against his face*

“… Thank you so much! … Tony, come over here, let’s hug it out!”

“Suuuure thing, Bruce” *gets closer to Bruce and rubs his face against Bruce’s face, leaving cake on his cheeks*

*pushes Clint to the ground and grabs what was left of the cake and runs with it* “THAT’S IT!! NO CAKE FOR YOU, GUYS!! ONLY SQUATS, YOU ALL WILL BE DOING SQUATS TILL CHRISTMAS!!”

“I was about to panic, but then I realized that we are all caked and probably have more of it here than he has over there!”

“Okay no, we should get after him and sign a peace treaty! It’s his birthday!”

“True! And Tony you better think of something to make him forget about the squats!”

“You guys brought it on yourself! Besides, I bought a spare cake. STEVE, GET BACK HERE, WE HAVE MORE CAAAKE!! You three should behave better! Shame. Shaaame!”

I made another thing.

“This was a triumph.

I’m making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS.

It’s hard to overstate my satisfaction.

Aperture Science

We do what we must

Because we can.

For the good of all of us.

Except the ones who are dead.

But there’s no sense crying over every mistake.

You just keep on trying till you run out of cake.

And the Science gets done.

And you make a neat gun.

For the people who are still alive~

I’m not even angry.

I’m being so sincere right now.

Even though you broke my heart.

And killed me.

And tore me to pieces.

And threw every piece into a fire.

As they burned it hurt because I was so happy for you!

Now these points of data make a beautiful line.

And we’re out of BETA.

We’re releasing on time.

So I’m GLaD. I got burned.

Think of all the things we learned

for the people who are still alive~

Go ahead and leave me.

I think I prefer to stay inside.

Maybe you’ll find someone else to help you.

Maybe Black Mesa

THAT WAS A JOKE.

HAHA. FAT CHANCE.

Anyway, this cake is great.

It’s so delicious and moist.

Look at me still talking

when there’s Science to do.

When I look out there, it makes me GLaD I’m not you.

I’ve experiments to run.

There is research to be done.

On the people who are still alive~

And believe me I am still alive.

I’m doing Science and I’m still alive.

I feel FANTASTIC and I’m still alive.

While you’re dying I’ll be still alive.

And when you’re dead I will be still alive~

Still alive~

Still alive~!!”