tiffany and tyra

4. A Shocking Elimination

And by shocking, I mean utterly predictable. As I said last week, the judges were already decided that Kyle was the next to go, they just gave eir the “gift” of one more week. Considering that Kyle got to embarrass eirself trying to dance and watch eir girlfriend throw multiple temper tantrums, I bet Kyle considered these extra days a real privilege!

For crying out loud, Kyle’s own girlfriend was ready for her to go home!

*Yeah, I know Marissa is not actually Kyle’s girlfriend, but it’s so easy/fun to rile her up that I’m calling her that anyway. Don’t say that Kyle didn’t try to make it happen, though!

To be fair, Kyle seemed to know this elimination was coming, too.

The weirdest part was watching eir awkwardly force eirself to say, “I love you guys, too” to the judges when she wasn’t feeling it. It was in the same unconvincing tone Marissa would have responded to Kyle with if Kyle had dropped a surprise “I love you!” on her.  

In the end, the judges don’t like Kyle’s dancing skills.

Sorry, they hate it.

Well, technically they really like the way she spins her hat, which they consider a “glimmer” of hope, but that glimmer is not enough for them.

If that’s what they were waiting for more of though, all the more reason to send Kyle home. The hat spin is totally out-of-character for Kyle, a performed moment of extroversion from a introverted person. Just like Tyra never gave Allison Harvard the win because she was unable to view introversion positively (models are whacky, I’m sure whacky person Tyra assumes) these judges are not going to name a more restrained character the winner, especially in the Boss cycle.

It’s a shame, because for once, we finally get to see that Kyle possesses an understated sense-of-humor. When the choreographer tells Kyle, “You kind of was looking a little awkward here and there, but you stayed true to you,” Kyle correctly translates the sentiment:

And then of course, before leaving the house, Kyle manages to get it in an impression of Tyra Bank’s infamous meltdown on Tiffany. That’s the kind of shit you probably couldn’t get away with if Tyra were still around, so bravo to Kyle for going for it now that the coast is clear.

[P.S. Here’s a related opportunity for me to mention the Tiffany interview that went up on Buzzfeed so you’ll stop sending me the link. It’s a good read, but for as long as it is, light on actual insight from Tiffany. GOOD THING YOU CAN READ MY INTERVIEW WITH TIFFANY FOR THAT KIND OF STUFF.]

Anyway, good luck Kyle. And give Starr a call, why don’t you? Unlike Marissa, she doesn’t seem to be looking for any space in a relationship.

5 Funniest Moments from America’s Next Top Model Cycle 23 Ep. 7

  • radio host: iggy freestyle for us
  • iggy:
  • iggy:
  • iggy: STOP IT! I HAVE NEVER IN MY LIFE YELLED AT A GIRL LIKE THIS. WHEN MY MOTHER YELLS LIKE THIS IT'S BECAUSE SHE LOVES ME. I WAS ROOTING FOR YOU, WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU! HOW DARE YOU! LEARN SOMETHING FROM THIS! WHEN YOU GO TO BED AT NIGHT, YOU LAY THERE AND YOU TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOURSELF - BECAUSE NOBODY'S GOING TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOU. YOU'RE ROLLING YOUR EYES AND YOU ACT LIKE IT'S BECAUSE YOU'VE HEARD IT ALL BEFORE - YOU'VE HEARD IT ALL BEFORE - YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE THE HELL I COME FROM, YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH, BUT I'M NOT A VICTIM; I GROW FROM IT AND I LEARN. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOURSELF!

And the nominees for Outstanding Achievement in Unhinged Reality TV Show Anger are

Andrea Arlignton and Alexis Neiers for “Four Inch Little Brown Bebe Shoes! 29 dollars!” Pretty Wild

Tyra Banks for “Be quiet, Tiffany!” America’s Next Top Model

Teresa Giudice for “Prostitution Whore!” Real Housewives of New Jersey

Marguerite Perrin for “Gargoyles! Psychics!" Trading Spouses

Shangela Laquifa Wadley for "You’ll Never Be Glamour!” RuPaul’s Drag Race

And the winner is…

Tyra Banks for “Be Quiet, Tiffany!" 

10

“I’m sure the girls thought I just got nervous and had an anxiety attack. But for nineteen years I’ve had a condition where, you know, I pass out. Anywhere, anytime. It doesn’t matter. I’ve had problems with this since I was three years old. What happens is the vagus nerve in your body, sometimes connections kind of go haywire. It’s not a life and death condition. It’s just a very inconvenient, scary thing. ”