cold does not exist, only absence of heat
back to reality. woke up pretty bluesy today as this week between holidays usually sucks dick, but decided to stay positive and get back on track. i was terrified to weigh in this morning, and my scale malfunctioned displaying 7 whole pounds over what i started christmas at… almost had a meltdown, that high number didn’t even register whatsoever at first, but then the POS flashed C a few times and i breathed easy. turns out we’re looking at about a 3lb damage instead, which is fine, i guess.
did alright over the holiday, just need to reshrink my stomach and low restrict if at all possible for the rest of the week. or at least try my best to cap out at 1k. definitely wasn’t as in control as thanksgiving, but i stuck to time windows and cut off consumption around 7pm each day so i’ve got that goin for me
reasons not to use today
- i have already had the opportunity, and i don’t want to feel like i did last week again.
- guilt/shame. wallow in how shitty you felt last thursday.
- i can’t let go of what i’ve regained (or lost in some cases)
- grateful my boss called everyone off yesterday, and i was able to loaf it up hardcore with the manboy and dog. i feel much rejuvenation from it
- i am hella grateful i got a vape for sexmas (#VAPELIFE) and this means i do not have to brave -3 degrees to get my nic fix. also, i’m finally cool
- grateful my weigh in wasn’t as horrible as initially thought
goals for today
- stay in my fucking office. no danger zones. sit on my hands if i fucking need to
- get a good workout in today
- minimal caloric consumption. drink water. take all supps.
goals for this week
- absolutely, without a doubt, go to narc meeting tomorrow.
- work out tonight/friday/saturday. friday/sat flexible. just do your best this week. scheduling is all sorts of fucked up
- find a dress for this NYE wedding
- make it to the weekend without using any drugs. besides weed, of course
gonna make it a good day.
even if i am freezing my fucking tots off.