Today, I fucked up by brake-tapping a cop.

So this happened about 45 minutes ago while i was driving home from work. Im going down a rural road at about 85km/h (speed limit is 80). When this guy in a blue ford focus comes flying up behind me and instead of passing he rides my tail so close that if i stopped for any reason he would have smashed into me. So me being me, i give a polite brake tap (not actually slowing down, just a warning not to follow so close).

Turns out it’s an undercover cop with a dashboard light strip (which isn’t visible unless turned on) and he immediately pulls me over then screams at me for driving too slow and break tapping. I argue i was driving the speed limit and i didn’t actually slow down when i tapped my brakes.

256$ ticket for “careless driving” …so i guess i fucked up by dealing with a cop on his bad day.

Holy guacamole, i cant believe this went crazy over night…thanks everyone, i think ill try to fight this ticket!

TIFU: Internet`s best fucked up stories are here.

Ficmas Part 3

“A little to the left.”

“Like this?”

“Mm, up a bit?”

“Chloe, after all the short jokes I’ve had to endure, I KNOW you know I can’t reach much higher.”

“Stretch those toes, Mitchell. Up you go.”

“Oh my god! Don’t grab my ass!”

“But it’s a nice ass.”


“There! Right there.”

Beca presses her thumb down hard against the tacky substance, securing the end of the banner to the top of the kitchen doorway. Glancing over her shoulder, she waits for Chloe to step back out of her way - after removing her hand from her backside - before stepping down off the ladder.

Or she tries to step down. What actually happens is more of a slip and fall situation. Her foot gets caught as she tries to turn on the last rung and her torso fails to catch the memo that her lower half is throwing out.

It results in her upper body bowing forward while her legs remain stuck in place, and time seems to slow down around the two of them as she starts to fall.

She sees Chloe’s eyes widen, see the redhead’s arms reach out towards her, and she thinks she hears one of them say something but can’t quite make it out.

She feels herself collide with Chloe, feels their limbs tangle and gravity drag their bodies towards the floor. There’s a dull thunk as Chloe hits the ground hard and a muted thud as Beca lands on top of her. The hit pushes all the air out of Chloe’s lungs in a loud whoosh of breath and Beca’s forhead just skims the bridge of the redhead’s nose, narrowly avoiding a bloody injury.

“Shit,” Beca gripes, trying to straighten. “I am SO sorry.” Chloe’s hands have tightened against the material of her shirt though, preventing her from getting up or moving much at all. Beca manages to crane her head back a ways though and she’s alarmed to see her friend’s forehead wrinkled in what looks like pain. “Oh shit, are you okay?” Chloe bobs her head, but her face is still in some kind of disagreement with the sentiment.

“You elbowed me in the boob,” Chloe whines after a moment. “You’re supposed to deck the halls, Becs. Not me.”
She laughs, and it’s the kind of contagious laughter that spreads almost instantly. Within seconds, Beca is laughing on top of her, still unable to move thanks to Chloe’s grip, and so she presses her temple to Chloe’s cheek and laughs into her shoulder.

“Right, I know we’re supposed to make the Yuletide gay and everything,” Fat Amy’s dry, sardonic tone is unmistakeable over them and for a second, Beca panics over what this might look like. “But this is a bit much. Clean up on lesbo aisle five!”

She feels Chloe twist her head to press a breathy, chuckle of a kiss to the side of her face. And decides she doesn’t care.

Now listen here, I’m going to give you all a piece of advice because it’s too late for this guy. Here’s what I recommend to you. If you have someone that you think is the one … take that person and travel around the world. Buy a plane ticket for the two of you to travel all around the world and go to places that are hard to go to and hard to get out of. And if when you come back to JFK and you’re still in love with that person, get married at the airport.
—  Bill Murray