thy holy hand grenade

Instructions on how to use the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch
  1. And the Lord spake, saying, First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin.
  2. Then, shalt thou count to three, no more, no less.
  3. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shalt be three.
  4. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three.
  5. Five is right out.
  6. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who being naughty in my sight, shall snuf it.

Eldarya characters as “Monty Python and the Holy Grail” quotes

I watched this recently and was way too amused

Keroshane: Listen, strange women lyin’ in ponds distributin’ swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

Ezarel: I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!

Ykhar: First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.

Chrome: Come and see the violence inherent in the system. Help! Help! I’m being repressed!

Valkyon: It’s not a question of where he grips it! It’s a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut.

Nevra: Don’t like her? What’s wrong with her? She’s beautiful, she’s rich, she’s got huge… tracts of land.

Miiko: Every time I try to talk to someone it’s “sorry this” and “forgive me that” and “I’m not worthy”…

Alajéa: If she weighed the same as a duck… she’s made of wood.

Jamon: You must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest… WITH… A HERRING!

From the book of Armaments:  And the Lord spake, saying, “First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.