Aja Naomi King’s Inspiring Speech on Overcoming Self-Doubt at the 2017 Essence Black Women in Hollywood Awards
My inner critic is strong but I know that I am stronger. I can’t get rid of him; he’ll always be there, a voice in my head telling me to not even dare to dream for something more, that they’ll never give you that, don’t bother fighting for this. But that is exactly what makes me so fierce. Becauseeven with his voice, his monstrous size filling up the space underneath my skin, I still choose to try, and I still choose to believe. All the evidence of my life thus far is telling me that this is no accident, that I do deserve to be here. When I was struggling to write this speech, my little sister said to me quite simply, “You have everything you need.” And she’s right. I have everything I need because I have her, and I have my other little sister, and I have my mother, and I have my father. And I have all of you, and we all have each other. And as long as we continue to be a shield for one another, support each other, lift each other up, and love each other fiercely, we all have everything we need.
I have two days left, before I embark on the most challenging journey of my life thus far. Throughout this year, I’ve felt a tremendous unexpected shift in my energy, so I’ve decided to spend time in solitude to understand where my path is leading me, whilst I mentally, physically and spiritually prepare for the changes that are coming.
I no longer have any interest in the things that used to captivate me before. Creatively, my mission is still the same. My life is still purpose driven but my attachments to materialism and other lower vibrational distractions have loosened. So many things within myself are changing. I feel like I’m entering womanhood and it’s daunting but exciting at the same time.
This isn’t strange to me. I’ve been in a spiritual battle with myself for almost a year now. Ignoring my intuitions demands for me to seek within. Admittedly aware that the answers to my questions are found through fasting, meditation and solitude but unfortunately being too lazy and finding comfort in procrastination and being content with life’s mediocrities to follow through.
I honestly believe that we all experience this sudden desire to step into the unknown (ourselves), during our crisis years (21, 28) to find our true purpose. However, I believe many of us miss the opportunity out of fear or being clouded, but failing to listen to your intuition can cause turbulences later on in life.
I plan on regaining balance and structure in my life as well as replenishing my creativity. I’m in the last few months of the Heart Chakra and as I enter the Throat Chakra, there’s a bunch of things in need to focus on.
So yeah, lol, wish me luck fam.
Follow my journey on Instagram, everything I learn I will be sharing on @roxannesvibe
okay but what if Derek was a hug deliveryman and Stiles ordered a hug
Stiles looks up, his mouth dropping open when he reaches the pinnacle of stubbled beauty that is the man’s face.
“Oh wow,” he says, “wow, I would not have called the leather.”
Stiles kind of wants to marry his eyebrows. There’s something kind of Bronte about them, dark and brooding, like they could carry him across a windswept moor. He might be wearing a dress in this scenario. He’s comfortable in his masculinity.
“You’re a little later than I was expecting -” he raises an eyebrow, his pause expectant.
“Derek, right. I am running late for forensics, Derek, so we’ll do the whole getting to know you thing next time, okay?” Stiles pushes his chair back with a hideous screech and regards him for a second. He figures, first time, he should probably go with the clasped hands back pounding bro-hug, only under the leather jacket there’s a forest-green henley that just looks like it smells really good, and Stiles has never been good with temptation. He slides his arms between the henley and the jacket, steps in close, presses himself against body heat and a certain rigidity that melts pretty quickly into Derek’s arms around his back, perfect pressure, snuggly bliss.
Stiles steps back and beams.
“That was - shit, perfect. Thanks, Derek.”
“Yeah,” Derek says. He looks bemused, almost dazed. Stiles’d go in for round two only he catches sight of a clock over Derek’s shoulder and swears, slings his bag over his shoulder, runs.
He honestly does know better than to hang out on Craigslist, Scott, he does, but where can you go wrong with a hug delivery service? That’s like hating puppies, Scott. Why would you hate the puppies?
Scott, sounding frustrated and a little worried and kinda reluctantly amused, insists that he doesn’t hate the puppies.
Right, Stiles agrees, because all of his plans are amazing and a hug delivery service couldn’t possibly be wrong. Right?
It’s so much easier to read agreement into everything Scott says when they’re only calling. There are unexpected advantages to college.
(There’s a weird email, apologising for the mix up at the coffee shop.
Hey, Stiles sends back, I didn’t mind that you were late, no worries. And then, greatly daring, so about getting to know each other…
He honestly does know better than to pass out his actual address on the internet, okay, he does, but… y’know. Puppies.)
No leather this time, though, which is thoughtful of him, just a dark red sweater with thumb holes that should possibly be illegal.
“Hey,” Stiles says, eager and happy and grinning all over his face, and this time it triggers a tiny smile in return. “Hey, Derek.”
“Stiles,” Derek says. “Look -”
“Are you okay to do this sitting down, this time?”
Derek’s eyebrows huddle together for warmth (the windswept moors will do that to you) but he doesn’t look exactly averse, so Stiles tugs him by the sleeve towards the sinfully comfortable eyesore of a couch, getting him situated in the corner and then leaning back against him, pulling Derek’s arm around him. He tips his head back against Derek’s shoulder and moans, faintly.
“I swear, Derek,” he says, “you were made for me.”
Derek doesn’t respond. His arm maybe tightens, a little.
(A little while later, halfway into Serenity, Stiles thinks he maybe hears knocking at the door, but frankly he’s in the best damn hug of his life thus far and nothing short of fire alarms is getting him out of it.
Derek huffs into his hair. Stiles is taking that as agreement.)
Laura turns around when the door opens, cocking her head to one side at her brother’s appearance - he’s flushed, and a little rumpled, and almost smiling.
“So,” she says, “did you give the neighbor kid the parcel we took in, yet?”
Derek glares at her, eyebrows lowering, a wash of bright color cresting on his cheeks.
“I’m working on it.” The tilting of his mouth looks almost involuntary. “I’ll try again tomorrow,” he says.
This has probably been mentioned already, but I have to get this off my chest
So Star Trek:Into Darkness was a great film - in fact, I loved all three movies. But one little thing that always bugged me was how much Bones was downplayed. I particularly have a lot of feelings for this scene:
Now, there is truth to that - Spock did capture Khan, whose blood was used to generate the life-saving serum. Spock risked his own life to capture a dangerous, near-invincible psychopath for Kirk (even though his initial intention was to kill Khan out of revenge and had to be begged by Uhura to spare his life). So I’m not going to deny the importance of Spock’s role in Jim’s revival (I love Spock, love his friendship with Kirk, not knocking that one bit). But tell me, was it Spock who:
- injected some of Khan’s blood into a dead tribble out of scientific curiosity, to study its incredible regenerative powers?
- discovered that the Tribble had been brought back to life, thus realising that Khan’s blood could be used to bring back Kirk?
- had the quick thinking to cryogenically freeze Kirk’s body in order to prevent his organs decomposing to a point that would be beyond saving?
- took Khan’s blood - breaking countless ethical guidelines in the process - and dedicated his time to generating a serum (surely that must have taken days, if not weeks, to generate a successful serum that could be safely used to medicate a human)?
- carefully nursed Kirk back to health?
Nope, all Bones. Now, I don’t have proof as to what happened during the two weeks Kirk was in a coma, but do you honestly think that this man:
… just carried on as normal? Or do you think he never left Jim’s bedside unless he was physically dragged away by other crew members so that he could eat/sleep before collapsing? Of course, Bones being Bones, he’s very flippant when his part in rescuing Jim is ignored:
… even mentioning Uhura’s part in it, because he won’t take all the credit, he acknowledges all who helped. Because he doesn’t care about recognition or thanks when it comes to Jim - he just wants to keep his best friend ALIVE. But why oh why couldn’t we just get a little acknowledgement from someone else about how Doctor Leonard Horatio “Badass” McCoy literally CHEATED DEATH and brought a dead man back to life as though it was just a normal part of a medic’s life?! The fact that he broke several medical ethics laws, thus risking his whole career, just to give the ship her captain back? WHY DOES NO ONE SEEM TO ACKNOWLEDGE THIS?! And don’t get me started on the fact that he didn’t even get to say goodbye and the first time he sees Jim after the warp core incident is when he is lying in a freaking body bag on one of the biobeds.
Night in the Woods is such an incredible game. It came to me at probably one of the lowest points in my life thus far and hell if it didn’t keep me afloat during it. Maybe I’m biased because of this fact, but I’d say it’s one of the best games I’ve ever played, if not THE best game I’ve ever played. The story, the characters, the writing, the music, the art- every single thing about it is magical and I implore you to buy it on Steam and play it for yourself.
Everything may suck forever, but this game sure doesn’t!
You are in charge of how you react to the events that occur in your life.
Thus, you are in charge of how your life appears to be.
Is it happy? Is life worth living? Do your wildest dreams dance in your reality?
Or is it filled with problems? Annoyances? Pesky little things that never seem to go away?
Change the way in which you react to the events in your life, and you are able to change the way in which life’s events treat you.
NurseyWeek Prompt #1 - Silence/Mistake. Um, kind of. Got a bit off track. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
tromps into the Haus, slamming the door shut and tossing his bag haphazardly on
the floor, kicking it out of the way as he passes. He’s scowling, which,
frankly, isn’t that unusual, but his expression has an edge of something that
tugs at Derek. Dex doesn’t even spare him a glance as he flops down at the other
end of the couch with an exasperated growl, tipping his head back and squeezing
his eyes shut. Silence fills the space between them for a moment.
how was your day?” Derek asks.
mine was good, too.”
scans the defeated slope of Dex’s body as it’s sprawled over the couch, frowning
to himself. Huh. He drops the fake cheer from his voice and puts his notebook
down on the end table behind him.
“Dex, hey. What happened?” he asks, voice
softer now, quiet even in the relative silence of the Haus mid-day. Dex cracks
one amber eye open and gives him a look, squinting semi-suspiciously at him.
Derek waits him out, tilting his head and trying to look open for conversation.
Since we will all be suffering for a month until the new update, do you have anything you recommend; manga or anime?
YASSSS but these are mostly shoujo and 1 or 2 of seinen manga so if you’re looking for more yaoi/yuri sorry.
Hare Kon (Smut) by Non
“Koharu, tired of all the men in her life being lying, married philanderers, decides to move back home, away from the city. Once there she finds her family saddled with a huge debt and no way out until a handsome but creepy stranger offers to pay the debt, at the same time asking…”
THIS GETS REALLY GOOD AS IT GOES ON! As long as you don’t mind having traditional views of love being tested.
Madame Petit by Takao Shigeru
“It’s the 1920s and Mariko, age 16, is married to a man 30 years her senior. She’s honestly happy to be his wife and really excited to board the Orient Express in Turkey on their honeymoon trip. But her life takes a rapid turn when her husband is discovered dead after the first night on board… And that’s only the start of Mariko’s great adventure.”
This one too gets really better. It was kind of boring at the first but action follows later :)
Hachimitsu ni Hatsukoi by Minase Ai
“I don’t have family, friends, or a boyfriend. But there’s someone I love. We have that strange relationship: childhood friend.”
The heroine is not your typical shoujo heroine, she’s absolutely strong in her feelings and it’s actually admirable.
Nekota no Koto ga Ki ni Natte Shikatanai
“Amane Mikiko, better known as Mikki, is an elementary school student who moves a lot and has to transfer schools often. As soon as she makes friends, she has to painfully say goodbye to them. She is determined to not make any new friends at her new school, but if doesn’t exactly go her way…”
LOL I love mystery so I was like ??? why is he like that. Finished it and it was so fluffy and cute.
Escape Journey (BL) by Ogeretsu Tanaka
“In college, Naoto has an unexpected reunion with ex-boyfriend Taichi who he broke up with for denouncing him as “sexual gratification.”
It’s very relatable, breaking up with the one you love so you have that heavy feeling in your heart and wonder if you let the right one go. It’s a story of growth between these two so definitely give it a try.
Tsubaki-chou Lonely Planet by Yamamori Mika
“Ohno Fumi is a poor 2nd-year high school student. Because of her father’s debts, she’s kicked out of her own home and has to rely on her own connections to survive. Thus begins her life living with and housekeeping for a writer…”
I thought this was a really cute story with some fantastic drawing. Makes me wish I was a high school student in Japan LOL.
Omoi, Omoware, Furi, Furare by Sakisaka Io
“The story centers around Yuna and Akari who have two very different views of love: Yuna is someone who sees love as a dream and Akari is someone who is very realistic about her romance choices. Meanwhile, there are two boys, Kazuomi and Rio, who also have very different views of love.”
Very very very good! A nice pace but with the right enough of plot progress to not be frustrated.
Liar x Liar by Kindaichi Renjuuro
“One day, on a whim, twenty-year-old Minato decides to walk around the city dressed in her friend’s cute high school uniform. To her horror, she ends up running into her stepbrother, Tooru.”
It’s sadly in hiatus until August but OMG! Fucking finally there’s some action with these two.
Yatamoto (BL) by Harada
“Momo with no ambitions, is the ultimate scum, good-for-nothing guy. Yata-chan is a chill, caring, and naive youth. During their meeting in a public bathroom…”
Bruh this story got no chill. That’s all I’m going to say.
Saezuru Tori wa Habatakanai (BL) by Yoneda Kou
“Yakuza Yashiro, who only ever loved Kageyama, meets a new bodyguard, Doumeki Chikara. Unfortunately, the latter is impotent.”
No matter what anyone says, this is fucking amazing. FUCKING AMAZING!
Once upon a time - which is a terrible way to start a joke - there was a little boy named Billy.
Billy was six years old, and for the whole of his short life, he had been utterly and intensely obsessed with clowns. He had clown bed sheets and clown posters; he had clown toys and clown-themed games; he had towels with clowns on them, a toothbrush in the shape of a clown, and - if it had existed - he probably would have used clown-flavored toothpaste, as well.
Try not to think about it.
The point here is that Billy loved clowns, and his parents were well aware of that fact. (They’d have to be, right? I mean, how is a six-year-old going to buy all of that stuff?) Thus, they decided that for their son’s seventh birthday, they’d purchase front row seats at the circus, which just happened to be in town at the same time. Upon hearing this, Billy was absolutely overcome with excitement, and he was scarcely able to sit still until his family arrived at the big top.
Billy and his parents walked in, took their seats, and waited for the show to start.
The music flared to life and the lights came up, and in a dazzling display of merriment, everything began. First came the lion-tamers with their whips and chairs… and yeah, they were intriguing, but they didn’t hold Billy’s interest. Next came the feats of strength with strongmen (and one excessively suspicious woman) smashing bricks and bending bars… and yeah, it was impressive, but Billy didn’t really care. The sword swallowers followed, and the trapeze artists, and the tightrope walkers… and yeah, someone might have died at any moment, but it all seemed so boring.
Eventually, Billy began to worry that he wouldn’t get to see clowns at the circus. After all, he knew very well that clowns usually only appeared when something went wrong. (You didn’t know that, did you? Yeah, clowns are typically kept on standby in case someone screws up.)
Suddenly, all of the lights went out.
A single spotlight shown down to one corner of the arena.
A tiny car came puttering into view, while discordant, almost forlorn circus music played.
Deet deet deedle-deedle deet deet dee deeeeee…
The car’s doors sprang open, and out poured the most amazing collection of clowns that Billy had ever seen! There were fat clowns, thin clowns, tall clowns, short clowns! Clowns with bright red hair and enormous red noses! Clowns in silly suspenders and oversize shoes! There were clowns wearing every color of the rainbow, and clowns that moved like psychotic ferrets on speed! There were more clowns than Billy had ever dreamed of watching all at once!
Then, just as it seemed like that tiny car couldn’t produce a single soul more, another clown stepped out. He was too fat to be thin, yet too thin to be fat… but somehow wasn’t average, either. He was too short too be tall, yet too tall to be short… but still managed to be both at once. He had pale, almost white skin - not the product of makeup - and deep, almost black, sunken eyes. He had a shock of bright red (and completely natural) hair, and a bulbous, equally red nose.
Billy looked on with awe and wonder as he realized what he was seeing: This wasn’t a person in makeup who was putting on an act; this was a real clown. The man - if indeed you could call him a man - reached into the front of his pants, wiggled his hand around for a little while, and pulled forth a bright silver microphone. After offering a conspiratorial wink to the audience, the clown cleared his throat… and his dry, raspy voice boomed out for everyone to hear:
“I need a volunteer!”
Before Billy had even completely processed what he had just heard, he discovered that he had leapt from his seat and thrust his hand as high as it would go.
“Pick me!” Billy screamed. “Pick me!”
The clown extended a finger and cast it over the audience, drawing lazy circles through the crowd. After what felt like an eternity, he finally aimed his cracked fingernail directly at Billy.
“You there, little boy!” the clown barked.
A cheer went up as Billy clamored over the railing and dropped down into the arena. The smell of sawdust and sweat reached his nose, but he paid it little mind: He was focused entirely on this dream of his coming true; on the opportunity to meet and perform with a real clown.
“I need to ask you a question,” said the clown. “Tell me: Are you a horse’s head?”
Billy laughed aloud, as much from glee as from the absurdity of the question. “No! No, I’m not a horse’s head!”
The clown nodded, apparently having expected this answer. (After all, who would say yes to that question?) “Well, then… are you a horse’s body?”
“No!” Billy giggled. “No, I’m not a horse’s body, either!”
Once more, the clown nodded, and his broad smile - his thick, red lips - grew wider. “I see. Are you a horse’s leg?”
“No, I’m not a horse’s leg!” Billy replied. His own smile grew to match that of the clown.
“So…” the clown said, pacing around Billy. “You’re not a horse’s head, and you’re not a horse’s body, and you’re not a horse’s leg.” He paused then, and stood completely still. A hush covered the audience. Then, in a whirl of motion, the clown jammed his finger through the air and brought it right up into Billy’s face.
“Then you must be a horse’s ass!”
Laughter exploded from everywhere at once. Billy looked around, shame and betrayal filling his heart, and saw the faces of all those strangers laughing at him. He saw his friends from school laughing at him. He saw his own parents laughing at him. Something broke inside of Billy in that moment, and with a scream of agony and anguish, he ran from the arena and didn’t stop until he had reached his house.
When Billy’s parents returned home, they discovered that their son had trashed his bedroom. He had snapped his clown toothbrush and torn apart his towels with the clowns on them. He had smashed his clown-themed games and broken all of his clown toys. He had shredded his clown posters and burned his clown bed sheets. (I don’t know where this kid got access to fire, but clearly he was pretty serious about destroying stuff.) Worst of all, Billy’s parents found that their son - who had once been so cheerful and outgoing - had sunken into a deep and unbreakable silence.
Billy did not speak for a year. Therapists and counselors were wholly ineffective, and no amount of bribery, threats, or pleading could pull even the smallest word from his lips. His parents eventually gave up, resigned as they were to the fact that their son was lost to them… but then, on his eighth birthday, the little boy held up his head, blinked his eyes once, and spoke with a clarity and a maturity not heard from most adults.
“Mom, Dad,” he said, “I want you to know that I’m okay. From now on, though… it’s just ‘Bill.’”
Ten years passed.
Bill went on to become something of a legend in his little hometown: He was a perfect student and a dedicated volunteer. He was involved in every extracurricular activity in some way or another. He was captain of the football team, head of the chess club, first-chair violin in the orchestra, and valedictorian. By the time that he was ready to graduate, Bill had been offered a complete scholarship to literally every college in the country (with some schools even offering free alcohol after he turned twenty-one).
It came as something of a shock, then, when after crossing the stage, Bill approached his parents.
“I know that you won’t understand this,” he said, “but I’ve decided that I’m not going to college. You see, all of my success and all of my ambition has been driven by a deep, horrible wound that I still carry. I’ve tried desperately to cover it, to let it heal… but each night, I still hear the voice of that clown in my head. That’s why I’m leaving for Tibet. I’m going to seek out and join the monastery where they teach the ancient art of Comebackery, and once I have mastered all that they can offer… I’ll come back and have my revenge.”
Bill’s parents tried to dissuade him, but he was adamant. True to his word, Bill boarded a flight that very evening. He landed in China and trekked on foot to a village at the base of a snow-covered mountain. A year passed as he learned the language and earned the trust of the people who lived there, until the day when one of them gave him whispered directions to the hidden temple. Bill set out again, carrying only a few days’ worth of supplies, and finally found himself at the doorstep of the monastery he had sought.
A knock at the door was answered by the head monk; a small, wrinkled man with a bald head and a serene smile.
“My son,” the head monk said, “I can see that you have been wronged.” (This guy spoke Tibetan, obviously, but the general meaning was the same.) “Normally, you would have to wait here for three days and nights to show your devotion… but I sense that you are a special case. Come into the sanctuary, and we will teach you what you wish to know.”
Thus began Bill’s life as a Monk of Comebackery. He learned jokes, japes, and jeers. He learned witticisms and retorts. He learned insults, insinuations, dares, and double entendres. Before long, he was able to verbally spar with the very best of his brethren.
Yet still, even after another decade of training, Bill did not feel any closer to learning what he had hoped to find.
One cold winter morning, Bill approached the head monk with his concerns. “Master,” he said, “have I not been a good pupil?”
“You have been exemplary,” answered the head monk.
“And have I not upheld and embodied everything you have taught?”
“Indeed you have,” the head monk replied.
“Then,” Bill said, steadying himself, “I wish to learn the forbidden knowledge. I wish to learn… The Ultimate Comeback.”
The head monk looked into Bill’s eyes for a long, ominous moment.
Eventually, he smiled.
“My son,” the head monk said, “when you came to us, you were but a youth with a scar on his soul. You had been cut more deeply than any man should have to endure, and yet you persevered. More than that, you excelled. You have inspired us all with your strength and conviction, and also with your insight.” The man stepped forward and clasped a hand over Bill’s shoulder. “I cannot teach you what you seek, for you already know it.”
At first, Bill felt himself reeling inside. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Had he thrown his life away for nothing? Had he wasted all of those years training, only to fail at the last step? The thought was too terrible to consider, and Bill experienced a sense of loss unlike any he had felt since…
In a flash of clarity, Bill understood.
The Ultimate Comeback, he knew, was a weapon of untold power. It was to be wielded only by they who had discovered it for themselves, and it could only be discovered by they who had felt its devastation firsthand. It was so elegant, so perfect, and so deadly… and Bill knew that it had always been inside of him.
The head monk, watching Bill’s face, smiled again. “You are ready.”
Over the next few days, Bill made preparations to return home. He bade goodbye to his brothers at the monastery, then trekked back down to the village at the base of the mountain. He worked tirelessly in their fields and households, saving every bit that he could in order to afford a plane ticket back to the United States. It took still another year, but finally, Bill found himself stepping off the airplane onto American soil (or, rather, onto American linoleum in an American airport), and hitchhiking in the direction of his hometown.
When he finally arrived, Bill was aghast at what he discovered. This once-welcoming neighborhood had descended into squalor and disrepair. Shops were boarded up and trash littered the street. Stray dogs ran in packs, fighting over scraps of rubbish. What few people Bill encountered would quickly avert their gazes and hurry on their way. The warmth and compassion that he had experienced in his youth were both gone, replaced by a desolate despondence and an overcast sky.
It didn’t take long to find that Bill’s parents were long dead. His friends had all moved on, and the legend of Bill’s high school success had faded into little more than an unlikely memory. Despair filled Bill’s heart, along with a thrum of rising panic. Was he too late? Had he spent so much time abroad that he’d missed his chance to have his revenge?
As if in answer, a gust of wind brought a scrap of paper to Bill’s feet. He reached down and retrieved it… and realized that it was a ticket to the circus’s last-ever show. Not only that, but the performance was being held that very day, and the ticket would grant Bill access to the very same seat he had occupied all those years ago.
This, Bill decided, was fate.
He squared his shoulders and walked in the direction of the big top.
When Bill arrived to the circus, he found that it had fared no better than the rest of the town. The tents all hung in tatters, barely more than faded scraps of cloth. The seats were rickety and rusty, and even the sawdust bore the telltale scent of rot. Despite the dilapidation, though, it seemed that the final performance had drawn an enormous crowd, and Bill had to shove his way through the audience to reach his seat at the front row.
He held his breath, waiting for the show to start.
The music moaned to life and the lights flickered up, and in a halfhearted display of merriment, everything began. First came the lion-tamers with their whips and chairs… and yeah, they were intriguing, but Bill was otherwise occupied. Next came the feats of strength with strongmen (and one excessively suspicious old woman) smashing bricks and bending bars… and yeah, it was impressive, but Bill stayed focused on his own thoughts. The sword swallowers followed, and the trapeze artists, and the tightrope walkers… and yeah, someone might have died at any moment, but it all seemed so irrelevant.
Eventually, Bill began to worry that he wouldn’t get to see the clowns. After all, he knew very well that clowns have a remarkably low life expectancy as compared to other professions. (That’s probably not accurate, but it sure sounds true, doesn’t it?)
Suddenly, all of the lights went out.
A single spotlight shown down to one corner of the arena.
A tiny car came puttering into view, while discordant, almost forlorn circus music played.
Deet deet deedle-deedle deet deet dee deeeeee…
The car’s doors creaked open, and out shambled the most pathetic collection of clowns that Bill had ever seen. There were fat clowns, thin clowns, tall clowns, and short clowns, all of them bent under the weight of age and depression. Clowns with ancient wigs and crumbling rubber noses. Clowns in stretched-out suspenders and orthopedic shoes. There were clowns wearing every faded shade one could imagine, and clowns that moved like they were inches from the grave.
Then, just as it seemed like that tiny car couldn’t produce a single soul more… the outpouring stopped.
Bill’s heart jumped in his chest. Where was the clown who had wronged him as a child? Where was the monster that had haunted his dreams? Where was the target for his Ultimate Comeback?!
A shaking, rattling cough called Bill’s attention to the other side of the arena, and he watched as an old man limped into view. Streaks of grey marred what had once been a shock of bright red hair, and those deep, blackened eyes seemed to have sunk even further into the white face that contained them. Yellow teeth spoke of fetid breath behind those broad, cracked lips, and tremors shook each lanky limb… but it was very clearly the clown from Bill’s past.
The clown raised a tarnished microphone to his mouth and spoke.
“I need a volunteer.”
Before Bill was even aware of his own actions, he discovered that he had stood from his seat and thrust his hand in the air.
“Me,” Bill said. “Pick me.”
The clown extended a finger and cast it over the audience, drawing lazy circles through the crowd. After what felt like an eternity, he finally aimed his cracked, dirty fingernail directly at Bill.
“You there, sir!” the clown rasped.
A reluctant cheer went up as Bill climbed his way over the railing and dropped down into the arena. The smell of mildew and death reached his nose, but he paid it little mind: He was focused entirely on this dream of his coming true; on the opportunity to get his revenge on the clown before him.
“I need to ask you a question,” croaked the clown. “Tell me: Are you a horse’s head?”
The single word rang out like a gunshot, echoing in the silence that followed.
The clown, visibly shaken by the response, coughed and continued. “Well, then… are you a horse’s body?”
Once more, the syllable cut through the air, piercing everyone who heard it to their very soul. There was an icy, powerful venom in Bill’s voice, and it utterly captivated everyone within earshot.
The clown shivered, clearly unaccustomed to this kind of behavior, but pressed on nonetheless. “I see. Are you a horse’s leg?”
“No,” Bill calmly replied, “I am not a horse’s leg.”
Nobody said a word. Nobody even breathed. Nobody had ever experienced anything as chilling as the tone in Bill’s voice… but the clown had a secret weapon, too. With an evil, sinister smile, that pale-faced, red-haired monstrosity summoned forth the unspeakable power that rests within the blackened heart of every clown, bringing it to bear in a horrifying smile that should not have been able to exist outside of a nightmare.
“So!” the clown said, pacing around Bill. “You’re not a horse’s head, and you’re not a horse’s body, and you’re not a horse’s leg.” He paused then, and stood completely still. A hush covered the audience. Then, in a whirl of motion, the clown jammed his finger through the air and brought it right up into Bill’s face.
“Then you must be a horse’s ass!”
Laughter exploded from everywhere at once. Bill looked around, and suddenly, he was a little boy again. All of that shame and betrayal filled his heart, and he couldn’t help but imagine the faces of all those strangers laughing at him. He saw his friends from school laughing at him. He saw the ghosts of his parents laughing at him. Something broke inside of Bill in that moment… but rather than scream and run, he held up a hand.