all of you are making fun of Spark

but let’s face it.

because of the teams, maybe they all own the legendary bird representing their teams.

Wanna know what that means?

Blanche and Candela better lube up because ZAPDOS CAN FUCK YOUR SHIT UP

Zapdos is heavily onesided in a fight against Moltres and Articuno. Wanna know why?

Well considering that Zapdos is Electric type and can learn moves like Thunderbolt, Thunder, Discharge, and Thundershock, Let’s just say that Zapdos is in for some easy pickings.

Let’s do some calculations.

According to Smogon Calculations, A Zapdos can have a guaranteed 2 hit KO on a Moltres with thunderbolt, and a guaranteed OHKO with thunder. The fun doesn’t stop there. Moltres, with Fire Blast, would not be able to even get a guaranteed 2HKO on Zapdos. Sure, it’s a 95.7% chance, but even then, a slim chance of not happening is still a slime chance.

Now onto Articuno. Articuno has one big advantage. And that’s Ice Beam! With Ice Beam it has a guaranteed 2HKO on Zapdos!

…Is what I would say, if Zapdos weren’t faster and get the 2HKO in before Articuno. Articuno can take more hits, but it’s slow and not really powerful. Zapdos is faster, and can also take hits like a champ. On top of that, Hidden Power ROCK, Heat Wave, Thunder, and Thunderbolt all have the same 2HKO guarantee.

And guess what else? Zapdos can also tank a BLIZZARD from Articuno. Still a 2HKO guarantee, but still too slow to get it anyways.


Stealth Rocks is a move where the user puts stones at its opposing team’s entrance. What is known as an entry hazard, Stealth Rocks has anyswitch in take damage based on their resistance to rock. Neutral resist will do 1/8. Resist will do 1/16. Double Resist (types like ground/steel would get this) will do 1/32. But if it’s weak to rock, like a Bug type, it will take ¼ of its damage away. And hey! Guess what? better get that lube again and this time for Moltres and Articuno. because they’re gonna get fucked really hard. Stealth rock will do a whopping 50% of their max health upon switching in. Meaning if they’re forced out and swapped back in, they’re dead. Bye bye birdy. Except for Zapdos, it gets to stay there. Because it was probably fast enough to take out the Pebblefucked Phoenix with Thunderbolt.

Now let’s get into smogon sets.

Smogon set for Zapdos makes it specially defensive, having more, well, special defense. Meaning it is going to take a good amount of hits.

Fire Blast has a 50/50 chance to do a 2HKO and thanks to the leftovers, Zapdos could possibly live.

Since Zapdos is slower in this set, it’s obvious that it could be at a disadvantage. Of course, there is also one more thing I should mention.

Fire Blast is inaccurate. It can miss. Meaning that Moltres just might faint. With a guaranteed 2HKO from Thunderbolt against a 50/50 2HKO chance with an innacurate move, it’s surely Zapdos coming out on top.

But we’re not done with Moltres yet. We’re gonna make this thing for Thanksgiving.

If Zapdos were made to be full on Speed and Special Attack with a nature that gives it more speed, Zapdos can one hit Moltres. And let’s face it, who makes bulky moltres?

Now we can move onto making ice cream–I mean Articuno sets.

Zapdos is faster in this set, and it can also get a 2HKO. The same will happen if Articuno uses Ice Beam, but since Zapdos is faster, Zapdos wins.

So if anything. Team Instinct is the best team. Because of Zapdos.

fernikart57  asked:

If you want to know Ash's Pikachu knows: "Thundershock", "Thunderbolt", "Volt Tackle", "Iron Tail", "Thunder", "Quick Attack" and "Electro Ball" (This is his brand-new move). If you want to know.

Which, only one would have any effect against a ground or rock type in a realistic Pokemon battle. Yet in season one, in which Pikachu did not know Iron Tail, it defeated a full grown Onyx with a Thunder bolt. A move that would have little to no effect in a regular Pokemon battle. And don’t say it’s because he got that giant boot from the mill, because no matter what, that move wouldn’t do enough to harm an Onyx. And the sprinkler system going off was bullshit! And yet that move seems to beat almost every pokemon it goes against despite type.