-drinking slushies with ur boo
- sneaking thru ur bae’s window
-accidentally killing the queen bee of high school
-unknowingly murdering two jocks
-having their ghosts haunt you from hell
-faking a suicide so you don’t have to talk to Bae
-say hi to god
Director: Because we’re putting all of our resources behind the three of you, it’s time that we offered you greater assistance when you’re on a mission. And, to that end, we’ve hired a new seeker, whose sole responsibility will be providing you with live intel when you’re hunting down a grand relic. Uh, can I see your stones of far-speech for a moment?
Merle: What are those?
Griffin: Uh, you fork over your three walkie-talkie-esque stones of far-speech and she withdraws a small wand from her robes and she points it at each one, and she twists her wand a little bit and hands them back to you. And she smiles, because the next thing you hear comes from your stones of far-speech, you hear a voice say:
Travis: [pinching nose] Uh, yeah, just drive up to the drive-thru window–
Griffin: Nope. You hear a voice say:
Angus: Hello, sirs!
[Magnus, Taako, Merle all gasp.]
Magnus: It’s… it’s the Boy Detective! It’s Angus!
Griffin: And the door behind you opens and standing there, in the doorway, you see holding another stone of far-speech, Angus McDonald!
okay, so i asked my twitter feed if bikini barista stands were something exclusive to the Pacific Northwest, and the answer was overwhelmingly “what the fuck are you talking about??” so, to answer your question in short: absolutely.
long answer: they are real and in the places i have lived in washington and oregon, they are everywhere. they are usually a drive-thru kiosk with a window on each side and all-female baristas who wear only bikinis. they are known for making admittedly the worst coffee ever for the highest prices, and the girls who work there make a ton of money. i had a few friends in college who were able to pay for school, because they would average roughly $700 a week in tips on top of tacoma’s-then $9/hr. one girl i knew who worked at one full-time made $10k a month after taxes. she also had a walk-in closet entirely devoted to bikinis and costumes from Hustler Hollywood, and if you ever want to hear the story about the one time i decided to let an amateur wax my privates on her couch in late 2011, this girl was definitely a key player in that story.
anyways, i have never seen an all-male version of the bikini barista stand (all which have names like HOT CHICK-A-LATTE, BIKINI BOTTOMS ESPRESSO, etc), which is a crying shame because i will chug nasty black sludge that’s been sitting on the counter over night for some grossly objectified dudes shamelessly wearing a playboy bunny outfit and sucking whipped cream off of each other’s chest, u feel me??? and so would victor nikiforov.
here's an on fire garbage can... could be a nursery
"you have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair," you know, how you talk to a child
marijuana is legal in 18 or 19 states. it's insane. don't whoo if you're white. it's always been legal for us, come on sir
i know you told me, but i have had a very long day, i am very small, and i have no money, so you can imagine the stress im under
"oh we have to go!! we have to go see bill!" and without looking up at her my dad goes, "why? it's not like he's gonna remember you."
so my dad pulled up to the drive thru window and ordered a black coffee. the one thing no kid can every enjoy
anyone who's seen my dick and met my parents needs to die
bill clinton turns, looks at my mom and says, "hey ellen!" cause he never forgets a bitch ever
we bought a house that was built in the 20s but it was flipped in 2014, which means it's haunted but it has a lovely kitchen backsplash
we were at lion king on broadway and there was a five year old behind us going, "look it's pumbaa! look its timon!" and my dad turned around and said, "are you going to talk the entire time?"
some people give off a vibe of.. right away, and they're like, "do not fuck with me." my vibe is more like, "hey, you could pour soup in my lap and i'll probably apologize to you!"