thru a window

90s aesthetic losers club in high school

the au no one asked for but im gonna write a whole fic about

  • richie, mike and bill start a shitty garage band
  • bill does background vocals 
  • at some point beverly joins them as a pianist
  • richie and eddie egging the bowers gangs houses
  • eddie was pressured by richie but surprisingly has heaps of fun doing something risky
  • ben is head of the prom committee and secretly sabotages all the votes, so bev is prom queen
  • stan being too caught up in school to have fun
  • so richie and eddie start taking him on their shenanigans
  • stan is like “omg this is dumb stop it!!” but eventually gets tired of bowers torment and throws a stone thru his window and gets in more trouble than anyone
  • lots of mixtapes and swimming in the lake, drunk at 11PM
  • richie with the boombox over his head outside eddie’s window
  • beverly convinces the losers to skip prom
  • they go to prom for like 5 minutes, but richie, eddie and stan get cornered by the bowers gang
  • so bill jumps in and they all kick each others asses
  • instead, they just have their own little one in bill’s garage, dancing to the shitty garage band all night
  • mike dedicating a song to stan
  • stan realizing he loves mike
  •  bev dances with ben the most
  • georgie takes all their prom photos and hangs with them for the rest of the night 
the foxhole court as john mulaney quotes
  • neil: i'll keep all my emotions right here and then one day i'll die
  • andrew: it is 100% easier not to do things than to do them
  • aaron: sometimes, babies will point at me, and I don't care for that shit at all
  • nicky: eat ass, suck a dick, and sell drugs
  • kevin: im really sorry about last night, it’s just that im mean and loud. it probably will happen again
  • dan: you have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair
  • matt: THATS MY WIFE!
  • renee: i think emily dickison is a lesbian
  • allison: i am a proud, asian american woman, and you will treat me with respect!
  • wymack: i pulled up to the drive thru window at mcdonalds and ordered a black coffee for myself and kept driving. The one thing no kid at mcdonalds can ever enjoy
  • riko: This is an on-fire trash can

-so like peter has always known that michelle was tough

-and michelle has always known that peter parker is spider-man

-so she’s walking home from school late

-she had to stay back for decathlon practice and fuckin flash thompson

-was trying to get a rise out of her for one whole hour. sixty mins. 3600 seconds.

-it also didn’t help that webhead parker had decided to bail on them again

-so he was spiderman

-boo fucking who he wore spandex and fought crime and had an incredibly cute butt

-what no! stop it michelle

-he’s got responsibilities now that i’M captain

-she’s halfway thru cursing the two idiots when she senses that someone is watching her

-wow isnt this great

-but then she notices the red and blue spandex from the corner of her eye

-and she subtly sees him sitting on a roof and-

-what the fuCK PARKER

-did he bail on me to eat a damn sandwich in his tights !!

-she notices him following her

-and she’s even more mad bc she knows why

-he wants to see her home safe and this isn’t helping with her crush on him!!

-so she calls him

-and sure enough, she hears his obnoxious ringtone from above

-but she pretends not to hear and takes that opportunity to lose the boi

-he picks up

-”pARKER YOU BAILED ON ME. AGAIN.”

-”i know. i know. i’m sorry, something came up and mr stark really needed me i swear.”

-he sounds so sincere and sorry and genuine she wants to cry

-”well ok. don’t bail on me again, loser-woAH”

-and just her fucking luck

-two goons think they can kidnap her

-she’s terrified from the shock and everything

-and they are heading dangerously close to her

-and she hears the voice

-”hey guys”

-and he’s swinging in

-and michelle is like yes he’s the perfect distraction

-and she kicks thing 1 in the crotch

-while simultaneously knocking the other one out cold

-and when one of them try to get to her again

-she roundhouse kicks the two of them

-and theyre unconcious

-all while spidey watches

-and she’s like

-”FOR THE LOVE OF SWEET JESUS, WEB THESE GOONS UP, PARKER!”

-and he nods and he’s reaching for his web shooters when they both freeze

-uh oh

-he is the shook mr krabs meme

-she is the ‘o shit’ meme

-and they end up sitting down and having a huge heart to heart about peter being spider boi!

-in the middle of an alley

-nerds amirite

- and he’s like “how did u know”

- ‘are u kidding dude. i mean all of a sudden ure mysterious and shit and then u have these strong ass arms and ur fuckin ripped”

- and oops wow she didn’t mean to make it sound like that

- so she backtracks

- ‘it’s not like i think ur arms are strong and nice or anything and i mean, like what even is ripped? as a concept-”

- and peter is still v shook

- bc what the fuck does mj think hes attractive what

- also MORE IMPORTANTLY SHE TOOK OUT TWO MUSCULAR MEN TWICE HER SIZE

-HOW

- “black belt”

- “nO WAY YOURE A BLACKBELT?? THATS SO COOL”

- and he offers to swing her home

- and she accepts bc whO WOULDNT

- but both instantly regret cos theyre very close and they both really wanna kiss each other

–then theyre back home

- and she’s so puMPED AND ENERGETIC

-HE’S NEVER SEEN HER THIS EXCITED BEFORE

-WHAT THE FUCK SHE’S SO CUTE

-HER EYES ARE LIGHTING UP AND EVERYTHING

-HE WANTS TO HUG HER AND NEVER LET HER GO SHE’S SO PRECIOUS

-and she’s like my parents aren’t home can u show me more about the suit pls pls pls

-AND PETER CANT RESIST

-SO HE CRAWLS THRU THE WINDOW

-SHES STILL PUMPED

-I MEAN LIKE MAN

-WHo wouldve thought michelle was a spider-nerd

-whatever u do, do not imagine

-michELLE FANGIRLING ABOUT ALL THE COOL THINGS HIS SUIT DOES

-and peter chuckling softly and playing along as he stares at her

-with so much love in his eyes

-it’s so pure

-gdbye i am jugdead

Director: Because we’re putting all of our resources behind the three of you, it’s time that we offered you greater assistance when you’re on a mission. And, to that end, we’ve hired a new seeker, whose sole responsibility will be providing you with live intel when you’re hunting down a grand relic. Uh, can I see your stones of far-speech for a moment?

Merle: What are those?

Griffin: Uh, you fork over your three walkie-talkie-esque stones of far-speech and she withdraws a small wand from her robes and she points it at each one, and she twists her wand a little bit and hands them back to you. And she smiles, because the next thing you hear comes from your stones of far-speech, you hear a voice say:

Travis: [pinching nose] Uh, yeah, just drive up to the drive-thru window–

Griffin: Nope. You hear a voice say:

Angus: Hello, sirs!

[Magnus, Taako, Merle all gasp.]

Magnus: It’s… it’s the Boy Detective! It’s Angus!

Griffin: And the door behind you opens and standing there, in the doorway, you see holding another stone of far-speech, Angus McDonald!

Taako: That’s my dude!

“what did you take from gotg vol 2?" 
me: kraglin and nebula are super best friends and - 
"they had one scene together?" 
me: SUPER. FRIENDS. 

the doctors as john mulaney quotes

one: i’m really sorry about last night, it’s just that im mean and loud. it will probably happen again.

two: i put on a sweater and a pair of corduroy pants and i felt safe

three: they’re like, “does that work?” i’m like, “it didn’t NOT work.”

four: i pulled up to the drive thru window at mcdonalds and ordered a black coffee for myself and kept driving. the one thing no kid at mcdonalds can ever enjoy

five: i yelled “fuck da police!” and everyone else joined in. a hundred drunk white children yelling fuck da police

six: sometimes babies will point at me, and i do not care for that shit at all.

seven: everyone get out of my way! i just want to sit here and feed my birds

eight: i know you told me, but i have had a very long day, i am very small, and i have no money, so you can imagine the stress im under

nine: im an idiot, and i’ve shovelled through life rather nicely so far, so i don’t feel like i deserve good treatment.

ten: if you’re ever on the highway behind me, uh… i hear you honking, and i also don’t want me to be doing what im doing

eleven: i don’t look like someone who used to do anything. i look like i was just sitting in a room in a chair eating saltines for like 28 years. and then i walked right out here.

twelve: i like to lean in and go “stop snitchin’ motherfucker” and walk off. ‘cause you’re never too young to learn our national no snitching policy

thirteen: it’s like having a baby that is also a grandma. her body is young, her face is as old as time.

bonus: 

the war doctor: you have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair

anonymous asked:

Wait are drive through strippers an actual thing

okay, so i asked my twitter feed if bikini barista stands were something exclusive to the Pacific Northwest, and the answer was overwhelmingly “what the fuck are you talking about??” so, to answer your question in short: absolutely. 

long answer: they are real and in the places i have lived in washington and oregon, they are everywhere. they are usually a drive-thru kiosk with a window on each side and all-female baristas who wear only bikinis.  they are known for making admittedly the worst coffee ever for the highest prices, and the girls who work there make a ton of money.  i had a few friends in college who were able to pay for school, because they would average roughly $700 a week in tips on top of tacoma’s-then $9/hr.  one girl i knew who worked at one full-time made $10k a month after taxes. she also had a walk-in closet entirely devoted to bikinis and costumes from Hustler Hollywood, and if you ever want to hear the story about the one time i decided to let an amateur wax my privates on her couch in late 2011, this girl was definitely a key player in that story.  

anyways, i have never seen an all-male version of the bikini barista stand (all which have names like HOT CHICK-A-LATTE, BIKINI BOTTOMS ESPRESSO, etc), which is a crying shame because i will chug nasty black sludge that’s been sitting on the counter over night for some grossly objectified dudes shamelessly wearing a playboy bunny outfit and sucking whipped cream off of each other’s chest, u feel me??? and so would victor nikiforov. 

the signs as quotes from "the comeback kid"
  • aries: eat ass, suck a dick, and sell drugs
  • taurus: here's an on fire garbage can... could be a nursery
  • gemini: "you have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair," you know, how you talk to a child
  • cancer: marijuana is legal in 18 or 19 states. it's insane. don't whoo if you're white. it's always been legal for us, come on sir
  • leo: i know you told me, but i have had a very long day, i am very small, and i have no money, so you can imagine the stress im under
  • virgo: "oh we have to go!! we have to go see bill!" and without looking up at her my dad goes, "why? it's not like he's gonna remember you."
  • libra: so my dad pulled up to the drive thru window and ordered a black coffee. the one thing no kid can every enjoy
  • scorpio: anyone who's seen my dick and met my parents needs to die
  • sagittarius: bill clinton turns, looks at my mom and says, "hey ellen!" cause he never forgets a bitch ever
  • capricorn: we bought a house that was built in the 20s but it was flipped in 2014, which means it's haunted but it has a lovely kitchen backsplash
  • aquarius: we were at lion king on broadway and there was a five year old behind us going, "look it's pumbaa! look its timon!" and my dad turned around and said, "are you going to talk the entire time?"
  • pisces: some people give off a vibe of.. right away, and they're like, "do not fuck with me." my vibe is more like, "hey, you could pour soup in my lap and i'll probably apologize to you!"