throwing milk

  • Megami: the milk is spoiled
  • Kizana: no, its not
  • Megami: yes it is.
  • Kizana: no, its not!
  • Osoro: have either of you checked it?
  • Kizana/Megami: no
  • Osoro, opening up the bottle of milk and taking a swing of it, before putting it back down: its spoiled.
The signs as things I've said at school
  • Aries: I don't support the cubs because I like the cubs I support the cubs because I'm from chicago
  • Taurus: my life would be a lot better if they had mountain dew in the vending machines instead of iced tea
  • Gemini: You missed it she was twerking on the wheelchair
  • Cancer: stop screaMING THIS IS A PUB LIC PLA C E
  • Leo: before you open this present you better appreciate how well i wrapped this shit
  • Virgo: If you bend that uno card so help me GOD
  • Libra: why is there so much cereal in your locker
  • Scorpio: If you make a titanic reboot where the ship sinks from a fidget spinner instead of an iceberg more people will die than in the actual titanic because they shot themselves in the theater
  • Sagittarius: sarah come see this we're gonna throw the milk at the wall
  • Capricorn: if i have to print this essay one more time i will rob the library's printing fund of all their quarters
  • Aquarius: [friend accidentally throws tennis ball into the street] YO THAT COST ME 50 CENTS AT WALMART IF YOU DON'T GO RETRIEVE THAT I WILL PUSH YOU IN AFTER IT
  • Pisces: [raises hand] yeah what should we do if we make direct eye contact with the person in front of us?
okay so i had the most horrible idea for a kagehina scene so now you all have to suffer with me - 2.4k, rated t, :( but then :)

Hinata found him behind their gym. His uniform jacket was stuck to the prickly cinderblocks half-way up his back like he’d leaned and slid down into the grass instead of sitting on the ground in the first place, like he couldn’t bother with normal human actions and just melted down the side of the wall out of spite or something. His messenger bag lay upturned and half-way gutted over the green ground in front of him, with his shoe dangerously close to the crime scene. It looked like he’d kicked it himself in anger.

Hinata bit his lip, wringing his hands as he stepped around the corner and approached Kageyama. 

He’d planned it all out, researched the best ways to go about it and the best poems–even read some in Japanese and English to see which language would sound cooler in the moment–and the best day in the week to do it. He’d talked to Yachi about it, and then Noya, who were both more in touch with this kind of stuff (especially compared to him). He’d thought about how tired they would be just after lunch versus at the end of the day (he couldn’t do it in the morning, because what if it went terribly wrong and Hinata would have to go to school with him all day instead of being able to escape at any point–best to avoid unnecessary embarrassment if he was rejected). He hadn’t anticipated this, though.

Just before last period, he’d pulled the piece of paper out of his trouser pocket–the one that he’d nearly scribbled and erased and scribbled down to pulpy nothing, the one he’d read and reread so much that the blue lines across it were fading at the edges from his restless thumbs (the one that he’d nearly thrown in the wash the other night)–and held it in his hands as he walked up to Kageyama in front of the sciences building. As usual, the volleyball team tended to gravitate toward each other during any sort of between-class downtime, so Tanaka, Ennoshita, Yamaguchi, Yachi and a couple of the first-years were all sprawled or leaning or loitering on the lawn with Kageyama, who sipped at his box of milk through a straw and slouched in the shade of a scraggly tree, listening to another one of Tanaka’s stories. 

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John highlights from the concert last night (Austin 4/14)

1. Opened with “smoke weed everyday” & then launched into song
2. Randomly throwing out “warm milk”
3. *sees couple making out* “Man, I wish I had a girlfriend”
4. “Did everyone go pee? NO MORE F*CKING SLOW SONGS”
5. Constantly checking to make sure everyone in the crowd is okay, asking what they need
6. “Does anyone drink Mountain Dew? stop f*cking drinking that, it’ll give you cancer!! This songs about Baja blast” (proceeds to play diet soda society)
7. “Has anyone ever peed their pants before? I peed my pants in 7th grade” “you peed your bunk” - Garrett
8 . “Wear your seltbelts and eat your veggies when you get home”
9. “You guys have been so nice. Thank you. Take care of each other.”

anonymous asked:

hi senpai! what are your recommendations for skk and fyoya fics? love your blog!


I’ve already made 2 fic rec posts HERE and HERE but because I lurk like a loser here are some more recs:

- Anything and everything by Kuranoa. Hands down one of the best fyoya + skk combi writers in my book, really lovely humor but when she angsts it smashes you until you’re a pile of dust and you hate yourself but you keep reading. And my god her Chuuya is badass adorable

- Anything by Memos. Not even gonna lie I cry over her nsfw at least 30 times a day then cry some more in the bathroom then cry some more before I go to bed because her fics are just that good

- Anything by AnonLearnsToWrite. Their humour is grade S excellent I laugh everytime, it’s really so on point and their plots are so damn precious and I really love their characterizations of Dazai. But can they please update Three’s a crowd because I’m dying. 

- Anything by writingfromtheshadows. Especially if you’re a fan of mafia boss Dazai and badass Chuuya. The ust can drive you nut at times but they do compensate with… several pieces of delicious nsfw and generally I just want more but pls stop killing me with the ust.

- At this point, deep sighs, sells soul to devil, anything by Kibasix. But everyone and their fifth removed cousins know I’m blatantly a Kibasix fangirl so what else is new really. 

- All the skk fics by WhisperingWinds99 because I’m kind of a loser and haven’t really read their sskk ones. BUT THEIR FICS ARE REALLY ADORABLE AND PRECIOUS AND IT SOOTHES MY SOUL EVERYTIME MY FLUFFY ANGEL AMONG ALL OF YOU ANGSTY DEVILS. 

- I generally really love hitherelovely’s fics because mmmmmmm their Dazai is delicious and just KDSJFHAKJFHAKF FANS SELF but their themes might be a bit heavy for some of you so this is a rec but rec with caution please read tags carefully before proceeding.

- Noir. This fic is one of the rare instances where I have to say that the portrayal of Chuuya is perfect. It explores his relationships with other characters in such a good way that it makes everything in my soul hurt. And the realistic ending of it makes me cry all the way until this day. Please. For the love of God. Read it.   

- Touch me. AKA THAT ONE TEACHER! DAZAI/MILITARY!CHUUYA THAT I FINALLY GOT HOLY SHIT INCOHERENT KEYBOARD SLAM. Very detailed setting, Chuuya is the cutest, Dazai is a little shit just like how I want him to be, and the smut… oooooh boooooooy. I’ve already recced her in my last posts and there’s a sequel in progress as well so tbh just check out her profile

A Spring Without You is Coming. Aka that one fic that made me curse three times in the span of 2 minutes 48 seconds because WOW WHO AUTHORIZED THAT HOW DARE  YOU WHAT THE FUCK. No seriously what the fuck. What. Who hurt you.

Mommy Is Daddy’s Only! THIS ONE HAS BABY SKK AND IT’S REALLY CUTE AND IT ALSO HAS FYOYA AND TACHUU IN IT SO HELL YEAH. Or you can just read it solely for Akutagawa throwing his milk bottle in Fyodor’s face.

- 1893. Oh my god. Dazai’s POV in this. I’m just. I have no words. Actually I have one word. Gorgeous. Absolutely stunning. Wow that’s 3 words but okay it’s so good it would deserve 3 thousand words but I’m just mostly speechless.

- Eight time’s the charm. Ever feel like being cockblocked? Then cockblocked some more? Then cry because you got so cockblocked you don’t know what to do? This is just the right fic for you. Just. Trust me. Go for it. 

- The Courtesan. Let’s see. You have Fyoya and SKK. You have courtesan Chuuya (whisper through gritted teeth yes holy shit). You have your one and only Moulin Rouge AU. And the writing is gorgeous. Need I say more chop chop get on it but BRACE YOURSELF FOR THE FRIGGIN PAIN BECAUSE MOULIN ROUGE. 

Wrong Name || Stiles Stilinski

Author: wittystiles

Relationship: Stiles Stilinski x Reader

Word Count: 1,864 

Warnings: None, this is all just fluff tbh. 

A/N: I’m gonna try to crank out another story sometime soon. I have one in the works but it’s not going how I want and it’s driving me crazy. In the mean time have this filler bit which is just a cute little fluff story. Please enjoy. (-:

Originally posted by itsagirlthingbae


You raised your eyes from your cell phone, quickly stuffing it into the pocket of your apron. You watched a man you recognized walk in, offering you a goofy grin. You returned it warmly, quickly moving to start on his order.

Behind him walked in another man, this one with darker hair and skin. You gave this man a smile as well, this one holding less affection than the one you showed the previous man. You started blending the coffee and cream for the first man’s order. “One second, sweetie.” You called to the second man, throwing the empty milk carton into the trash can. You made your way to the register, bouncing a little bit. “What can I get for you?”

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Imagine...Trying To Get The Pack To Finally Admit What They Are

This is for @sdavid09 What If Challenge. I got the prompt,What if someone knew about the pack’s secret and instead of coming out and just saying it, tried to drop hints so they would come clean they were werewolfs?

Characters: Y/n, Derek, Kira, Lydia, Scott, Stiles, The Pack

Pairing: The Pack x Y/n (GENDER NEUTRAL READER)

Warnings: Mostly…fluff?? Iunno what this is…crack, just some random friend reader stuff…

Word count: 996

Summary: Knowing their secret for so long, you decide it’s time the Pack finally come clean about what they are. But will they get your hints?

A/N: Ok, so, some weird hinting shit going on. I dunno. But I think it’s sorta cute. Hope u like it!!

Tagged peeps: @sallyp-53 @atkinsandrews @helvonasche @chelsea072498 @the-latina-trickster @aingealcethlenn @squirrels-angels-and-moose @lucifer-in-leather @p–trick @sinceriouslyamellpadalecki @mogaruke @totalwhovian @yourenotreadyforus @perry–aesthetic



Derek barely jumped, turning his head to the side and smirking at you.

“Hey, y/n”, he chuckled, grabbing a carton of milk and throwing it into the shopping cart.

“So, whatcha buying?” you asked, following him with your basket in hand.


He looked at you, a small smile on his face, but still wary.


You shrugged, grabbing a loaf of bread and putting it into the basket.

“Just thought I’d accompany you”.

He nodded, not really thinking much of it.

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please remember Nico

  1. Probably never been/had a birthday party til Percy’s 15th
  2. Didn’t eat any of the mcdondals he got, he used it to raise the dead, to find his sister, who tried to avoid him
  3. Had to deal with Bianca appearing and contacting Percy, but not him
  4. Practically barely ate anything from the time period of The Titans Curse to the end of The Battle of the Labyrinth, and then after that we still don’t know
  5. The bomber jacket he got was about 4 sizes to big for him and probably got it from a grave or homeless shelter or something
  6. Went into the Labyrinth all by himself, which even Clarisse was scared to do
  7.   Hades straight up always compared him to Bianca, saying Bianca would have done practically anything better 
  8.  in The Titan’s Curse was 10, and he’s maybe 11 or 12 in The Last Olympian 
  9. He still tried to help everyone after he practically got outcasted for years.
  10. Is the only one who talked to Hestia in decades
  11. Watched his mother die infront of his eyes at a young age 
  12. he is just a kid and deserves to be happy and be into digimon and mythomagic and making friends and drinking chocolate milk throw a straw
The Apple Doesn’t Fall Far From The Tree

Mindless, fluffy kidfic. Enjoy. Tagging @today-in-fic

“Mom!” Will’s voice sounds through the living room despite the fact that the boy is still outside in the middle of slamming the car door shut. They’ll have to talk to him - again - about when to raise his voice and when not. And how to close doors without slamming them. Though that might be a lost cause as Mulder is still in the learning process of that himself ten years down the line. Scully hears their son’s tiny legs sprint over the gravel in haste. The front door flies open a moment later.

“MOM!” His high-pitched voice shrieks and Scully, her heart beating faster now expecting the worst, turns to her son. Will, not unlike his father, likes to act first, think later. So she shouldn’t be surprised when he jumps onto the couch next to her, still wearing his dirty sneakers, the laces only half undone and frizzy at one end. She adds new laces on her never-ending, mental shopping list.

“Mom.” Will’s showing her his baby teeth, a full grin. There’s a smudge of something at the corner of his mouth, chocolate or dirt, she thinks, smiling herself. 

“Hey baby. Why are you so excited?” His blue eyes turn wide, shimmer with excitement. 

“Daddy said we’re gonna get a dog! A dog, mommy! A real life dog!" 

"But not a yappy one.” Mulder enters the house carrying several grocery bags in his hands. He is slightly out of breath and Scully knows she should get up and help him. But she’s tired, dizzy, too, and feels queasy. She throws him an apologetic smile instead and he carries the groceries into the kitchen. When he returns he’s holding an apple in his hand, throwing it around like a baseball.

“Hey buddy, shoes off the couch,” Will huffs but his feet come off the cushions immediately, “think you can catch this apple?” The boy nods and grins. Mulder looks at Scully, pleads with her to prepare herself just in case, before he throws the fruit. Will catches it with both his hands and Mulder cheers.

“I caught it, mom!” Will exclaims and bites into the shiny red apple. Juice squeezes out and trickles down his chin onto his shirt. The sweet aroma fills Scully’s nostrils and she swallows the wave of nausea that the smell causes.

“You okay, Scully?” Mulder asks walking closer. Will, oblivious to the seriousness of the situation, bites into his apple again, slurping the juice.

“I’m fine,” Scully answers side-eyeing her son as Mulder kneels in front of her, “I’m just tired.” Mulder puts his hands around Will’s ankles; the small legs dangle, the feet kick softly against the couch in rapid thuds. Mulder unties the laces properly and takes the sneakers off. Scully watches as Will munches on his apple and some of the juice now drips into Mulder’s hair. He either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care.

“You’re home early.” Mulder says tickling Will’s foot. The boy giggles.

“Yeah.” There’s no reason to tell him that they sent her home. They had to after she threw up. Twice. The flu, she shrugged as she left the hospital. Just the flu. She repeats these words to herself even now. No need to worry Mulder, though. Judging by his look, however, it’s too late for that.

“You sure you’re okay?” Mulder’s hands land on her thighs and she nods at him. When Will bites into the apple again, closer to her this time, the sweet aroma threatens to overwhelm her and she scrunches her nose.

“Mommy is just excited for our dog, daddy! Right? Right?" A small, sticky hand touches her cheek, pats it gently.

"Hey buddy, why don’t you go check if we bought any milk?" 

"I know we did, daddy.” Will laughs as if his father were crazy. A sentiment Scully knows all too well. Her stomach churns; she knows what Mulder is trying to do. Part of her wants to reach out to Will, put him in her lap and keep him there until Mulder forgets he wants to scrutinize her. As if he ever would. There’s nothing to discuss, she tries to tell him with her eyes, but Mulder turns away, refuses to listen to her nonverbal communication.

“Go check anyway, all right?” Will sighs, a big, deep sigh that sounds as if he’s carrying the weight of the world on his back, before he jumps off the couch and shuffles towards the kitchen.

“That’s your son.” Scully reminds him, putting her hands on Mulder’s. They’re solid and warm. She knows that her own are cold but that’s not the reason for the intense look on Mulder’s face.

“You’re not just tired, are you.” She lowers her eyes, finds Will’s dirty sneakers on the ground. 

“So we’re really getting a dog, huh?”

“Don’t change the subject, please.” In the kitchen, Will goes through every grocery bag. Scully hopes that Mulder put the eggs somewhere safely. If he hasn’t forgotten to buy them again, that is. Their son sings a song, unrecognizable to Scully’s ear, but it’s full of happiness. That much she understands. 

“It’s the flu, Mulder. It’s flu season.”

“It was flu season two months ago when all three of us had it. They sent you home, didn’t they? Did you have a nosebleed? Did you have-" 

"Daddy, I found the milk!” Will throws himself against Mulder’s back and puts his arms around him. He looks like a little monkey. 

“That’s great, buddy.”

“You said we can look for dogs on the computer, daddy. You said it." 

"I know and we can, Will. Just go ahead and turn it on. You know how to, right?” The boy is quiet, plays with Mulder’s hair. He knows how to turn on the computer but he also knows that he’s not supposed to. His pitiful look is almost too much for Scully. Tears close up her throat, make it difficult to breathe. What is wrong with her today? She composes herself quickly, shoves emotions and fears aside, to address her son.

“It’s all right, Will. We know you’re too smart for your own good. Go on, your dad will be with you in a few minutes." 

"Scully, did you have-” Mulder tries again leaning closer.

“No nosebleed, Mulder. I’m just exhausted. I wasn’t feeling well earlier and they sent me home. It’s no big deal.” To him, though, it is. 

“What are your symptoms?”

“Oh, are you the doctor in the family now?” Her joke falls flat as Mulder waits for her to answer.

“I’ve been feeling queasy and I got sick. That’s it. I’m exhausted, but that’s nothing new.”

“Scully, you don’t think…” There’s that crazy look Mulder sometimes gets; the one that used to be reserved for late night trips to Nevada, to ditching her in the middle of nowhere or to breaking into government facilities. 

“What don’t I think, Mulder? It’s the flu. I work in a hospital and there all kinds of-”

“Pregnant. Scully… what if you’re… pregnant?" On a long, mental list of possible ailments that particular one… didn’t even make the cut.

"I’m not pregnant, Mulder.” But with every word her conviction wavers. Is she? Could she be? Logically, she’d have to go with no. William was a miracle. A perfect, one-time miracle. Scully stares at Mulder and he stares back at her. Neither dares to blink or say a word. 

“That never even crossed my mind." 


“Not recently, no. William is four, Mulder, and it’s not like we were abstinent these last few years. I didn’t think - Mulder, apart from the logical impossibility, I am too old.”

“Logic, Scully? There’s a four year old in my office right now that logically shouldn’t be here. You’re 40 - lots of women have babies at that age.”

“Mulder it’s not possible.”

“Should I remind you again of that red-headed boy in my office?”

“He’s not red-headed, Mulder. His hair is auburn.”

“Maybe the next one will be a true red-head.” Mulder grins and kisses her. It’s a loud, celebratory kiss. Scully wants to stop him, remind him to not get his hopes up, but his words, his own joy have opened a net of butterflies in her stomach. Mulder has always found ways to make her believe the impossible.

“Mulder… I don’t want to get my hopes up and then-”

“Daaaad!” The both direct their eyes towards the open door to Mulder’s office. 

“A dog and a baby. Wow, Scully, we’re going to have our hands full!”

“Mulder, will you be quiet! We don’t know anything yet. I’m convinced it’s the flu. Or a simple stomach bug.”

“Dad!” The tiny voice is getting more insistent. 

“We need a pregnancy test, Scully.”

“You need to start looking for dogs, Mulder. I need tea and rest, not a pregnancy test.” Mulder shakes his head no.

“DAD!” Will appears in the door with his hands on his hips; a perfect imitation of Scully herself when she tells him to pick up his room. “We need to find a dog!”

“Tell you what, buddy. You and your mom check out the dogs - just make sure it’s not a Pomeranian.”

“A pome-what?" 

"Scully, I want a dog that’s at least knee-high. My knee.” He kisses her nose and then leaves a more lingering kiss on her mouth. 

“Where you going, daddy?”

“I forgot something, buddy. I’ll be back soon. Go find a dog for us.” Scully can’t stop him, is not even sure she wants to, when he grabs his key and puts on his coat. Before he leaves, he turns around again, his smile too big for his face. Just like his ego is too big for his head, she thinks with amusement.

“When have I ever been wrong, Scully?” Scully finds herself smiling anyway.

The Marshmallow Monster

Pairing: Bucky x reader

Prompt: In which someone is stealing marshmallows from Buck’s cereal and that someone is you.

Warnings: None

A/N: This one was long comming.

Originally posted by luckycharms

Bucky walked to the kitchen and grabbed his chocolate lucky charms and proceeded to serving himself some of it in his bowl.

“Seriously! Why the fuck do this things have such little marshmallows, that’s the only reason I buy them and they fucking add as little fucking marsmallows as the can!” he said out loud angrily.

“You ok bro?” Asked Steve, who was standing in the door frame.

“No, I’m fucking not. Fuck those damn cereal companies!” he said before throwing some milk in his bowl and sitting on the counter to eat angrily. Steve chuckled a little and proceeded to grab some eggs to then prepare himself some breakfast.

“Can I have some?” You said from the door now as you saw Steve cooking some scrambled eggs.

“How many?” he asked.

“2, please” you answered and sat next to Buck on the counter.

“You mad?” you asked him when you noticed the way he was eating his cereal.

“Let’s not go back to the lack of marshmallows on the cereal please” he stated “Also, good morning Y/N”.

"Lack of marshmallows eh? I know the struggle” you replied grabbing a spoon from the Center of the table and shamelessly dipping it in his bowl to put it back in your mouth.

“What the fuck?!?” he turned to you angrily.

You just shrugged “Got a craving” you stated and stood up to make a smoothie.

“Anyone else in mood for a blueberry smoothie” You asked out loud.

“No, thank you Y/N” said Steve who was still making the eggs.

“I do!” you heard Bucky say in between bites of cereal.

Once you gave Buck his smoothie he thanked you and excused himself as he had to get whatever stuff done and you started to have breakfast with Steve.

Bucky had left his box of cereal in the counter and you opened it taking out the transparent bag and started eating the marshmallows.

“He will kill you if he finds out” Steve said pointing with his eyes to your actions.

“I’d like to se him try” you said “besides, he won’t find out. Will he?

Steve rolled his eyes "Not from me at least”.

“That’s why your my favourite blonde” you stated.

“I thought that was Clint”

“He’s not blond, blond. He’s more a burnnet, besides, he’s my favoritie bird”

“What about Sam?” He asked then.

“Nah, he’s my favourite clown”

“Well that was an arrow shoot straight to my little heart” you heard Sam’s voice from the door.

“I’m sorry, you’re confusing me with Clint” you stated and you all laughed.

“What’s there for breakfast?” He asked.

“What you prepare” Steve answered.

“Jeez, why is everyone so mean with me right now?”

“I didn’t mean too” Steve started but you didn’t let him finish as both you and Sam bursted out laughing.

Once Steve was gone you stopped eating the marshmallows and started just separating them from the cereal bag and onto another one.

“The fuck you doing?” Asked Sam as he sat down next to you.

“Messing with Buchannans” you replied.

“Now that! THAT! Sounds fun!” He stated and stayed with you until you finished.

Once you were done, you closed the other bag and decided you would hide it in your room. The next morning you found out that Bucky had thrown away the packet you had demarshmellowized and bough a new one. That had already been opened, you supposed, by him, and decided to make your joke even bigger. While he was away on a mission that Saturday you dedicated yourself to remove all of the marshmallows again.

“What the fuck!?” You heard him scream from the kitchen the next morning.

You immediately stood up because you had to see his face.

“Gosh I cannot sleep with so much screaming” you complained as you got to the kitchen and grabbed a few strawberries and yoghurt for breakfast.

“Well then cereal companies better put more marshmallows on their motherfucking cereal. They don’t even last a day!” He answered angrily

“Well, maybe someone is stealing them” you said innocently.


“Well, yeah, maybe someone is eating them while you’re not around” you stated. “Do you know anything I don’t?” He asked suspicious.

“Hey! I’m just trying to help”

“Right, sorry Y/N” he apologised with more calm now.

To which you bit your cheeks not to laugh.

After a few days Buck asked you to help him catch the marshmallow monster, which you accepted as being on the ‘cop’s side’ as you saw it, would help you not get caught. Just like Doctor Hannibal Lecter on the Hannibal show. And so, as soon as he lowered down his ward you would swiftly sneak in and successfully collet his marshmallows.

One night, after a terrible long day though, you weren’t careful enough and as you were opening the box and starting to do your business you felt 2 stronger arms wrapping you up from behind.

“I’ve got you, you jerk!” you heard his voice from behind, he left you down while keeping his arms side by side On your shoulders so you wouldn’t sneak out “Y/N, what the fuck are you doing here?” He said confused.

You though of lying and saying you were checking wether there were or not marshmallows or something but decided to tell the truth. After all, the joke had gone long enough.

“I’m your marshmallow monster” you said with a guilty smile and showing a bag the same size as the cereal box filled with marshmallows.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” He asked in disbelief. He couldn’t believe your pretty face had kept him plying 'hide and seek’ with his marshmallows all along.

You just answers with a guilty smile and handed him the bag.

“Is this for real? You were only doing this to piss me off?”

“Though you liked pranks” you replied with an innocent voice.

“You little piece of shit. You’re going to pay this one back” he stated.

“No, I won’t” you said sternly.

“Yes you will” he replied the same way.

By the time you started analyzing scape routes he had you tightly held just as when he caught you before. You tried wiggling your way out but it was useless. He was a head taller and the winter soldier, and even though you would never admit it. You enjoyed the closeness just a little too much.

“James Buchanan Barnes, let go of me or else…”

“Or else what? You will steal all of the marshmallows from my cereal? Again?”

“You know what I’m capable of doing”

He lowered his head towards your ear and in a very stern voice pronounced “Doll. You’re gonna do as o say, or else. Is gonna be much worse. I WILL tickle you to death”

You stoped wiggling for an instant. First of. Sexy. Second off, you were not gonna die by tickles.

“Goog Girl!” He walked to the couch still carrying you and sat you on his lap, as soon as he took of his guard you tried running away but he caught you with ease and sat you right bag “We’re watching fight club.”

“What? That stupid movie Scott made you watch? I have enough of guys hitting each other in real life. Every day. On my job. To watch a movie about more guys hitting each other”

He laughed at your words. He knew for a fact that you would adore the movie once you watched it. He knew you a little too well. And he had thought of ways of making you watch it and none of them seemed possible until this opportunity came along. He made sure to keep a stern grip with his metal arm as he moved the other one to get the controller. You tried moving it unsuccessfully as it was basically a metal strap.

“Stop wiggling around doll, you owe me one” You rolled your eyes but did as he said. He put the movie on and you started watching it together. It was around two AM in the morning but he didn’t seem to care. After a while the movie actually got interesting and you sat along side him instead of restrained by him. “I don’t wanna watch the movie.

I see enough guys hitting each other every day” he mimicked you on a whiny high pitched voice.

“Don’t tempt me to walk out of the room

Barnes” You said seriously and side kicked him. You tried accommodating on his shoulder but the metal arm wouldn’t let you so you crossed your leg over his lap and turned around swiftly to get to the other side. It was a rather risky move but he seemed like he didn’t mind it much. There you used his arm as a pillow.

He rolled his eyes at you using him as a stuffed animal but both of you finished watching the movie. And you liked it. Just as he knew you would. He started browsing Netflix for something else to watch and by the time he found something you were fast asleep with your head on his lap.

He picked you up and carried you too your room. He laid you on the bed and as he tried to leave you grabbed his hand tightly. “Don’t leave teddy! Who’s gonna protect me from the boogie man?” you were almost fully asleep. He laughed quietly and tried to go again but your grip only tighten pulling him towards the bed. He though of filming you mumble stuff but ended up lying on the bed when he lost balance from your constant pulling. To be asleep, you were still strong. You hugged him like you would typically hug your pillow and both of you fell asleep soundly.

I found myself in Tesco the other day but….I don’t know! Whatever I say, it’s going to be catastrophically wrong. It’s going to say more about me than anything else you could possibly ask. Oh fuck! I’m going to say….34p.
—  Gillian Anderson answering the question that all celebrities fear, ‘How much is a pint of milk?’, Empire Magazine, December 2016 (x) She is not far wrong, it’s about 45p a pint.