throw-your-pie

I think Mimes are probably more deadly than Clowns and heres why:

Mimes are silent. You can’t hear them creeping up upon you late in the night.

Clowns are constantly squeaking and honking and their big flappy fat feet flip flop on the ground loudly.

Mimes are some ancient Gods of some sort because they can conjure anything from thin air and its also invisible. How can you fight what you cant see.

What’re Clowns gonna do? Spray you with Seltzer water? Throw a pie in your face? Boo.

AU where Thatch eats the fruit

Wouldn’t it be interesting though???

  • Okay but imagine this scene: thatch chilling in the kitchen, peeling a potato with the peel feeding directly into a mini black hole
  • “So now you have the power of utter destruction. How’re you gonna use it?” “It’ll make cleaning out the walk-in pantry so easy, you don’t even know.”
  • ”Ace, what did I say would happen if you ditched chores again?“ "Thatch, no, I’m sorry, I swear–” “I dunno, this berry pie could easily end up in the other black hole I know–” “Thatch I’M SO SORRY please don’t throw the pie to your fruit–” “you gonna forget dishduty again?” “No I promise, never”
You All Had It Coming

A/N: A follow up to yesterday’s Not This Again. I also had a couple requests for it, here and on my AO3 account. And this one is fluffy BAU where there reader exacts her revenge by surprising Rossi, Garcia, JJ and Morgan with pies to face XD @coveofmemories @sexualemobitch @jamiemelyn @unstoppableangel8

                                                             —–

When you returned to the BAU that day, Garcia immediately came over and gave you the biggest hug imaginable. She pulled back and there were tears in her eyes, undoubtedly from the guilt she felt for being so mean to you. “You jumped in front a bullet for my JJ and I was so mean to you,” she cried, placing her hands on your face and hugging you again. “Can you forgive me? We were all being childish and then you went out there and put your life on the line and I just feel so awful and…”

“Garcia, chill,” you said, bringing your own hand up to rest on her shoulder. “I forgive you, okay? I’m not the type to insist on bigger and bigger apologies. You’re sorry. What’s done is done, alright?” You gave her a soft smile, your eyes slightly heavy after the events of the previous few hours. They had taken their toll and it was time for you to go home and sleep. “Although, I do have to warn you that Morgan, JJ and Rossi are all getting unknowing pies to the face as my revenge and you are included. So four pies.”

Her mouth dropped open and then spread into a smile. “Okay, I’m not asking you to tell me, but if you wouldn’t mind doing Morgan’s when I’m in the room I would really appreciate it.”

You told her no problem, that you’d definitely make sure she was there, and then suddenly you got distracted, watching as Blake walked across the room to her desk, having separated from the rest of the group upon their return to the bullpen. “Alright everyone, I’m a little sleepy, understandably, so I’m gonna head home. I do have one more stipulation for an apology.”

“What is it?” Rossi asked. “Anything.”

“I’m sure you probably had this in mind anyway, but I insist that everyone also apologize to Blake. She’s actually super cool.”

Rossi nodded, guilt still coursing through him that he’d been so salty with you and Blake. “Done.” 

Morgan, JJ and Garcia all agreed and the four of them walked away. Hotch told you that you’d done a great job and Spencer gave you a kiss before you turned and walked out of the Bureau for the day. 

Now…

Who gets the first pie?

                                                              —–

Now by pie, you meant aluminum tin filed with whipped cream, and then maybe you’d make an actual pie for people to eat, but the first pie was definitely going to go to JJ; she would be the easiest because she was always in a coma in the morning, so she’d never see it coming. 

The only person you let in on your pie throwing was Blake, because she deserved to be there for every single one. Even Hotch and Spencer didn’t know when you were going to strike. 

The tension was high after a week. You still hadn’t even done the first one and everyone was waiting. In the refrigerator, you’d placed a delicious chocolate pudding pie that everyone assumed was the missile for your first strike, but as it gotten eaten over the course of the week, the team realized it must’ve been a decoy. 

That Monday morning of the second week, you and Blake rode the elevator up. She held the tin while you filled it up with whipped cream. Spencer, Hotch and Morgan were already there. As you came off the elevator, Hotch caught your eye and tried to hide a smirk as you ran up behind JJ’s desk and slammed the pie into her face. “Dammit!” she screamed. “I knew I was gonna be first!” She pulled the tin off her face and licked her lips as Spencer howled with laughter at his desk.

“Y/N, please let me be there for all of them! I’m gonna cry!”

“Of course, babe, no problem.”

JJ ran her fingers down her face and started eating the whipped cream. “At least it wasn’t shaving cream,” she shrugged. “And I feel like I owe you another apology. Come here, give me a hug.” She smiled and ran toward you, attempting to wipe her face all over yours. Running for your life, you ran across the bullpen like kids on a playground; you would only be able to evade her for so long.

                                                             —–

After JJ got pied, you overheard Rossi, Morgan and Garcia trying to deduce when you were going to strike next and whom you were going to get. Your smile could not be contained when they settled on the fact that Rossi would be next, which naturally meant Rossi would not be next. Before they saw you, you ran to Blake and told her Garcia was going to be next and asked what might be the best way to go about getting her. 

“Don’t go for her in the lair,” she laughed. “She’s going to expect it there and plus, there’s no way you can sneak up on her in there, so my suggestion would be to get her first thing in the morning coming off the elevator or as she’s walking down the hall.” You and Blake had been close from the start, but you imagined you’d get even closer, especially given the parental relationship she seemed to have with both yourself and Spencer. 

It was only three days later when you decided to pie Garcia. Since Garcia wanted to be there for Morgan’s pie, it was only fair that the opposite apply too. “Are we still going out tonight?” she asked. “I’m seriously in the mood for Italian tonight.”

Morgan saw you approaching from behind and acted as if nothing was happening. Good boy, Morgan, you thought to yourself. You fuck this up for me you’re gonna get it worse. In an instant, you ran quietly up behind Garcia, tapped her on the shoulder, dodged as she spun around and smacked your pie-clad hand into her face. “Y/N!” you exclaimed.

“What you had it coming?” you laughed. “Two done two to go, bitches.”

                                                            —–

Rossi’s pie was almost too easy. Seriously. After a long, but not necessarily rough case, the team headed back to the Bureau to do their after-case paperwork. Nearly an hour passed, everyone’s pens sliding across their desks in continuous monotony, and then it happened. You looked over and Rossi was sleeping with his head on his hand, which was propped up by his elbow. “Oh, this one is gonna be too simple,” you whispered to Blake, who giggled as you ran off to the break room to grab a tin and apply the necessary whipped topping. 

Upon your return, you walked up behind Rossi super slowly. While the previous pies had been fast and furious, this one was going to be slow and deliberate. Everyone watched in excitement as you walked up behind Rossi and simultaneously moved your pie hand forward while you pushed his head into your hand. Just as the delicious topping hit his face, he “woke up,” spinning around and getting half the pie on you too. “I was awake the whole time!” he laughed. “Did you really think you could fully get me? I’ve been profiling for 30 years!”

You licked the remnants of topping off your lips as a glob of it fell into your hand. “I still got you, just not fully. And Rossi…there is one thing you are forgetting.”

“What is that?” he asked with a self-satisfied smile. 

You showed him the topping still in your hand. “I can outrun you.”

He forgot about that.

                                                           —–

Last was Morgan. He was going to be the hardest. After two long weeks since Rossi’s pie to the face, you finally came up with a good way to catch Morgan off guard. Everyone else had been pied at work, and tonight Morgan, Spence and Garcia were meeting at your place before heading to a movie.

As he walked into your apartment, he seemed like he was hesitating, not trusting you to keep your pies to yourself, so you acted as if nothing was wrong - he bought it. Yesssssss, you thought. The pie was already sitting in the refrigerator, ready to go at a moment’s notice. “I’m just gonna use the bathroom before we leave,” he said, rounding the corner toward the room.

Morgan would have to pass this way to get to the front door and your floor creaked like no other so you would know exactly when to strike. Pulling the pie out of the refrigerator, you stayed at the edge of the hallway as Spencer and Garcia stood behind you, eagerly awaiting the glorious moment. 

The second the floor creaked, you counted to two and swung your arm forward and upward, hitting Morgan square in the face and sending whipped topping all over his face and your hallway. “You realize you’re going to have to clean your own apartment up, right?” he asked, his voice muffled by the dessert topping and aluminum tin. 

“I don’t care,” you giggled. Garcia came up by your side and grabbed some of the whipped cream off his face. If you didn’t know any better, you’d have sworn they were doing each other. “That was too glorious for me to pass up.”

Spencer couldn’t contain himself, wiping the tears from his eyes over and over again only to have them return. “That was glorious,” he said. “Almost makes me want one…almost.” The look on your face made him put in that last stipulation. 

“I have a bit of whipped cream left, Spence, if you wanna use that later,” you winked. 

Without missing a beat, Morgan turned to Spencer and flipped him off. “You reap all the benefits. Not fair.”

“Remember, Morgan,” he giggled as the older man turned back toward the bathroom. “You totally had this coming.”

Lesbian life 101
  • You don’t dance, you waltz like it’s 1698.
  • You don’t have ordinary dates, you just make like crazy science with her.
  • You don’t give her gifts to show your affection, you throw your pie for her.
  • You don’t think life should just be about surviving, maybe you and she deserve better than that.
  • You don’t go for prince charming, you go for princess sarcasm.
  • You don’t buy any kind of flowers, you give her lilies.
  • And you don’t give them just like that, you wrap them with a ribbon to match her eyes.
  • You don’t tell her I love you, you say I heart you.
  • You don’t care about anyone. Well, that’s not true, not everyone. Not her.
  • You don’t believe she’s just doing it for you. Don’t be an idiot, of course she’s doing it for you.
  • You don’t say nice to meet you, you greet her in French because you are enchantée.
  • You don’t say shit I might be gay, especially for your best friend, you just say woah. And your best friend knows, she knows as well that feeling.
  • You don’t just tell her she’s the prettiest girl you’ve met, because she’s a lot more than that.
  • You don’t yell her name to catch her attention, you call number 9 a wanker.
  • You don’t have a random life, you talk, laugh, love, breath, fight, fuck, cry, drink, write, win, lose, cheat, kiss, think, dream.
Like Uncle

It hit Lorelai seven months after Rory’s unexpected news. The four of them were sprawled out in the Danes’ living room, enjoying takeout and bickering about the next movie to watch. After Rory left to use the restroom (”Have fun with that part. You’ll be a bonafide Old Faithful,” she had warned.), and the minute she came back, Jess sprung up from his chair and helped ease Rory down onto her previous spot on the couch. 

It wasn’t the speed or his hands on her arm or back or even the unreadable look in his eyes. 

It was the familiarity between the two. Like they had been doing it for years. They didn’t blush or stammer awkwardly or act like they were doing something unusual.

They were just…

“Holy shit.” 

Three heads turned towards her, and she chuckled uneasily. “This…uh…this kung pao is kung pow if you know what I mean.”

Luke gave her a strange look. “What’s with you?” 

She shook her head. “Nothing. I just…did we decide on a movie yet, or what?”

The entire rest of their relaxing evening continued without a hitch. 

And all the while, Lorelai couldn’t get over how perfect it felt. 

The four of them.

-

She found him sitting on the steps to their front porch. Laila (short for Lorelai because come on) was perched next to him, and he was reading a book while she colored in hers. 

Lorelai couldn’t get over how perfect they looked.

“Laila. Mommy needs you.” 

Jess reached out a hand to help the toddler stand, and Laila scampered past Lorelai, abandoning her crayons. 

Lorelai watched through the open door, making sure Rory had her and then plopped down next to Jess unceremoniously. 

She yelped.

“Damn Tickle-Me-Pink.” She tossed the offending crayon aside.

“It’s always the quiet ones you gotta watch out for,” Jess nodded sagely. 

“You know…if thirty-three year old me heard what I was about to say, she’d…”

“Throw a pie in your face?” Jess smirked.

“Huh?” 

Jess shook his head. “Forget it.” 

“You were there when Laila was born.” 

Jess looked at her disbelievingly. “What? Not true.”

Jess.” 

“I was there six hours afterward and stayed for ten minutes.” 

Jess.”

“Okay. Thirty.”

“You helped pull off Laila’s first birthday.” 

“Frogs is a very complex theme.” 

“Laila calls you ‘Uncle Jess’.” 

“Yeah, but that’s only because ‘Old Man River’ was taken.” 

“You’re perfect for her.” 

Jess stared at Lorelai, and she could tell he knew she wasn’t talking about Laila anymore. 

“Lorelai…”

“There was nothing I wanted more than for you to stay away from my daughter.” 

“You’re making me blush.” 

“But now? It’s just…I’m so glad you’re in their lives.” 

Jess tucked his book into his jacket pocket and stood up. 

“You know, I just remembered that I have to…”

“Jess.” 

“I’m not pining, okay? I called Luke out on that a long time ago, and I’m not going to follow in his footsteps on this one. I’m not Luke.” 

“It’s in your blood, Mariano. You’re more like Luke than you think.” 

“Coming from you? That’s a pretty big compliment.” 

“Yeah? Well, you know me. I mean what I say, and I say what I mean.” 

Jess rolled his eyes good-naturedly. “Whatever, Horton.” 

Had she been blind like she was before, she would’ve missed the subtle change in his expression when he went inside to find Rory, Laila’s coloring book and crayons in tow. 

But she wasn’t.

And she didn’t.

-

I’m sorry, but Lorelai blowing a kiss to Jess was like the best part of the revival, because I’ve always longed for Lorelei to approve of him and root for him. I think she really likes him now, and I definitely see her realizing he’s perfect for Rory. 

This just tumbled out. I’m just having such a great time reading all of these stories written after the revival and thought I’d add to the joy.

jerzeyboyjohn22  asked:

So as many DC fans out there have seen including spike. What do think of the Season 4 Premiere of the TV Show The Flash? If you haven't seen any episodes before. I gave Spike the full 1-3 season disks have fun! Also, Throw your batarang at pinkie pie. Don't worry, she'll dodge it.*Wink* P.S. Pass this on to Twi, The Yellow is around.

Luna: I have not, tho the little dragon assistant of Twilight keeps mentioning it. This one is for you Twilight Sparkle.

Twilight: I don’t know what it means, and why is Pinkie here? Go home Pinkie!