throw-your-pie

I think Mimes are probably more deadly than Clowns and heres why:

Mimes are silent. You can’t hear them creeping up upon you late in the night.

Clowns are constantly squeaking and honking and their big flappy fat feet flip flop on the ground loudly.

Mimes are some ancient Gods of some sort because they can conjure anything from thin air and its also invisible. How can you fight what you cant see.

What’re Clowns gonna do? Spray you with Seltzer water? Throw a pie in your face? Boo.

Lesbian life 101
  • You don’t dance, you waltz like it’s 1698.
  • You don’t have ordinary dates, you just make like crazy science with her.
  • You don’t give her gifts to show your affection, you throw your pie for her.
  • You don’t think life should just be about surviving, maybe you and she deserve better than that.
  • You don’t go for prince charming, you go for princess sarcasm.
  • You don’t buy any kind of flowers, you give her lilies.
  • And you don’t give them just like that, you wrap them with a ribbon to match her eyes.
  • You don’t tell her I love you, you say I heart you.
  • You don’t care about anyone. Well, that’s not true, not everyone. Not her.
  • You don’t believe she’s just doing it for you. Don’t be an idiot, of course she’s doing it for you.
  • You don’t say nice to meet you, you greet her in French because you are enchantée.
  • You don’t say shit I might be gay, especially for your best friend, you just say woah. And your best friend knows, she knows as well that feeling.
  • You don’t just tell her she’s the prettiest girl you’ve met, because she’s a lot more than that.
  • You don’t yell her name to catch her attention, you call number 9 a wanker.
  • You don’t have a random life, you talk, laugh, love, breath, fight, fuck, cry, drink, write, win, lose, cheat, kiss, think, dream.
Like Uncle

It hit Lorelai seven months after Rory’s unexpected news. The four of them were sprawled out in the Danes’ living room, enjoying takeout and bickering about the next movie to watch. After Rory left to use the restroom (”Have fun with that part. You’ll be a bonafide Old Faithful,” she had warned.), and the minute she came back, Jess sprung up from his chair and helped ease Rory down onto her previous spot on the couch. 

It wasn’t the speed or his hands on her arm or back or even the unreadable look in his eyes. 

It was the familiarity between the two. Like they had been doing it for years. They didn’t blush or stammer awkwardly or act like they were doing something unusual.

They were just…

“Holy shit.” 

Three heads turned towards her, and she chuckled uneasily. “This…uh…this kung pao is kung pow if you know what I mean.”

Luke gave her a strange look. “What’s with you?” 

She shook her head. “Nothing. I just…did we decide on a movie yet, or what?”

The entire rest of their relaxing evening continued without a hitch. 

And all the while, Lorelai couldn’t get over how perfect it felt. 

The four of them.

-

She found him sitting on the steps to their front porch. Laila (short for Lorelai because come on) was perched next to him, and he was reading a book while she colored in hers. 

Lorelai couldn’t get over how perfect they looked.

“Laila. Mommy needs you.” 

Jess reached out a hand to help the toddler stand, and Laila scampered past Lorelai, abandoning her crayons. 

Lorelai watched through the open door, making sure Rory had her and then plopped down next to Jess unceremoniously. 

She yelped.

“Damn Tickle-Me-Pink.” She tossed the offending crayon aside.

“It’s always the quiet ones you gotta watch out for,” Jess nodded sagely. 

“You know…if thirty-three year old me heard what I was about to say, she’d…”

“Throw a pie in your face?” Jess smirked.

“Huh?” 

Jess shook his head. “Forget it.” 

“You were there when Laila was born.” 

Jess looked at her disbelievingly. “What? Not true.”

Jess.” 

“I was there six hours afterward and stayed for ten minutes.” 

Jess.”

“Okay. Thirty.”

“You helped pull off Laila’s first birthday.” 

“Frogs is a very complex theme.” 

“Laila calls you ‘Uncle Jess’.” 

“Yeah, but that’s only because ‘Old Man River’ was taken.” 

“You’re perfect for her.” 

Jess stared at Lorelai, and she could tell he knew she wasn’t talking about Laila anymore. 

“Lorelai…”

“There was nothing I wanted more than for you to stay away from my daughter.” 

“You’re making me blush.” 

“But now? It’s just…I’m so glad you’re in their lives.” 

Jess tucked his book into his jacket pocket and stood up. 

“You know, I just remembered that I have to…”

“Jess.” 

“I’m not pining, okay? I called Luke out on that a long time ago, and I’m not going to follow in his footsteps on this one. I’m not Luke.” 

“It’s in your blood, Mariano. You’re more like Luke than you think.” 

“Coming from you? That’s a pretty big compliment.” 

“Yeah? Well, you know me. I mean what I say, and I say what I mean.” 

Jess rolled his eyes good-naturedly. “Whatever, Horton.” 

Had she been blind like she was before, she would’ve missed the subtle change in his expression when he went inside to find Rory, Laila’s coloring book and crayons in tow. 

But she wasn’t.

And she didn’t.

-

I’m sorry, but Lorelai blowing a kiss to Jess was like the best part of the revival, because I’ve always longed for Lorelei to approve of him and root for him. I think she really likes him now, and I definitely see her realizing he’s perfect for Rory. 

This just tumbled out. I’m just having such a great time reading all of these stories written after the revival and thought I’d add to the joy.