throw me off a cliff because i'm crying too much to jump

anonymous asked:

i'm mobile so i'm just going by what i can see in ur description so sorry if i messed up or this has been done before!! how do you think the chocobros would react to finding out their s/o was either really badly injured during the fall of insomnia or didn't make it out at all? :o

(Enjoy! This made me really sad to write ;-; sorry if it’s not too good, I’ve been really tired and unfocused all day.)

Noctis - The news of his father’s death is barely setting in as he stands looking over the rubble of Insomnia. Then, when he receives the call from Cor, he hears a voice he recognises in the background, groaning in pain. His S/O. When he meets him, he pushes past him to his partner. They tried to fight back, but ended up getting so badly injured that the emergency medical staff had to amputate their whole forearm. He simply falls. He’s glad they’re alive, of course, but he feels crushed. He lost his father, and now the most important person left to him is left with a permanent scar. He simply stares at them, pulling away and hesitating as he reaches a hand out to them. He has to go outside. He notices that he’s having a panic attack, so he needs to get out of the stifling, stuffy room and breath. He shakes and hyperventilates and tries to calm down when Gladio comes outside and yells at him because his S/O is sobbing and terrified that Noctis is going to leave them now and Noct just needs air and he feels like he’s choking fuck this is all his fault he did this he should just die, everyone would be better off, maybe he can just dissapear and start again he’d still feel guilty fuckfuckfuckfuck. When he brings himself to come back inside, he silently embraces them, holding them tight. He promises that he’s never going to see them hurt again as long as he lives.

Prompto - The Fall has happened. They’ve all driven to Lestallum, and Prompto is so excited to see his S/O again. They did get to Lestallum with Iris and the other refugees, right? Of course they did, Iris would have mentioned if they didn’t. So they get to Lestallum. They’re all talking to Iris outside the hotel, and Prompto starts suspecting things. Iris is giving him sympathetic looks, and the boys are solemnly staring at him. He starts to get creeeped out, so walks up to Iris and asks which room his S/O is in. Iris takes a deep breath and looks down. “Prompto, I’m- the medics did all they could, but… I’m so sorry.” Time stops for him. Everything is too loud. He hears a deafening static beneath it all, and his chest feels too tight. He has to run away, running to the edge of the cliff and holding tight to the railing. He doesn’t want to jump, no, he just wants to be alone. When he knows he’s in an isolated spot, he just breaks down and sobs. Even when the boys find him, he brushes them all off and sits there, crying for hours and begging for no-one in particular to bring them back. He isn’t the same. He thinks it’s his fault. He keeps the smile on his face the next few months, but it’s never been so fake.

 Ignis - When he wakes up in Galdin Quay and finds the newspaper, his first thought is of Noctis, but his second thought is of his S/O. They were meant to be working in the palace the day of the Fall. After they return from the walls of Insomnia,  he finds himself worried. He isn’t receiving any return calls from any of the friends and family of his partner. It’s when he’s looking on social media that he finds what will become the most famous photos from the Fall, taken by a local photographer during the panic. It’s a set of them: in the first one, his bleeding S/O is grabbing and clawing at a Magitek soldier, trying their best to divert it’s attention from the crowds on the street. In the next one, they’re looking it right in the eyes with determination, a firm hold on its weapon (presumably wrestling it away from it.) In the final photo, they’re lying on the ground, impaled by rubble from a nearby building, a defiant smile as the soldier is in the same state. Ignis feels everything stop in him, and he can’t start it again no matter how hard he tries. He drops his phone and leaves the room, leaving the boys to find the photos. There’s no doubt in his mind that they’re dead, so he just goes and sits by the water at Galdin Quay. He remembers all the moments they spent together, and his plans for when he returned, and the engagement ring feels so heavy in his pocket that he throws it into the waters. He doesn’t let himself recognise he’s crying. He silently fumes for days on end, and the boys let him go after any Magitek soldier they see. It’s his way of grieving.

Gladio - He’s so glad to see his S/O again when they’re together with Iris in Lestallum that he sweeps them up into a massive hug. They squeeze their eyes shut in pain, making breathy whines. He lets them go, when they pull up their shirt and point to the gauze and dressings. Iris takes over and explains it to Gladio in the hallway. “They were pretty much gored trying to resist. They also got their leg caught in some debris. They’re gonna have some problems with walking and balance for the rest of their life, and… they saw some horrible things. It’ll take months for the injuries, but I don’t know if they’ll be alright… Y'know.” Gladio walks back in, tearing up, squeezing their hands tight and vowing to stay with them through everything. It’s the least he could do, since he wasn’t there to protect them. He spends as much time as possible with them, bringing them to doctors and nurses and giving them support the whole time. He feels immeasurably guilty, and can barely look at himself in the mirror any more. They would have joined them on the journey, but he can’t stand seeing them in pain, so leaves them with Iris. They protest, but he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he put them in any more danger.

anonymous asked:

Since you're mostly positive I feel like writing this to you maybe you have a different pov. But I'm really disappointed in Dean and Dean/Castiel. I feel like Dean barely cared about Cas being possessed, the end scene had him be way more distraught over the people that were on the ship than Cas. And next week he goes to "pay his respects" for a stranger and needs a "break" and is in totally good spirit watching a wrestling game even though he knows Cas is possessed.

Hello dear!

I actually have to say that I am quite surprised anyone could think after this ending that Dean does not care about Cas, but just to explain more in depth, let me untangle this a bit and bear in mind that I only watched the episode once this morning and didn’t have time to re-watch yet. So this all is what I remember and my memory may be a bit spotty.

That being said, there is one thing that imo absolutely needs to be taken into consideration to put things into perspective. This entire episode focused deeply on Dean’s growing depression and feelings of inadequacy and feeling like being unable to make a difference. Dean’s never been in a situation as desperate and hopeless as he is now with his free will and agency severly compromised. Dean has always been the one to shoulder Sam’s burdens, be strong. And even if Dean has always been a lot more fragile than he let on, the thing was that he could make himself believe he was strong. Of course it was playing a role more often than not but in a twisted way and as unhealthy as a method as it was, it helped Dean to focus. This is completely gone now. And Dean is seriously struggling with allowing himself to be weak and be “carried” by Sam. His line about feeling bad that he would do that to Sam at the end of last week’s episode spoke volumes in that regard. And it is so important for Dean to learn that he has value and is important and loved unrelated to his usefulness by which he often defines himself - and Cas too for that matter. It is vital for Dean to realize there is nothing wrong with being “weak” or to be in need of help or support.

Dean’s entire life has been a series of suppression and distraction, a series of different ways to numb the pain and trying to forget about his self doubts.

When the brothers and Lucifer were talking about the time travel (him volunteering could also be read as  a sign of him being way to okay to die, because he thinks he is slowing the others down) Dean said that he needed to do this. And as the episode revealed he needed it to prove to himself that he can still kick ass, be a good hunter, matter. It was a way of Dean trying to buld up some self esteem again, unfortunately the opposite turned out being the case, any little bit of hope and self esteem has been crushed. We have seen Dean hopeless and sad and tired a few times before, but I don’t think we have EVER seen Dean be this utterly broken as in this moment on the pier that is a perfect visual for how it looks within Dean: close to crumbling. This mission in which he wanted to prove to himself more than to anybody else - because in the end Dean is his own worst enemy, his worst critic and of course the one who knows best how often he fakes a smile or makes a joke to gloss over the pain and the real issue - he happens to be as he himself said “just a witness”. And that’s exactly how he feels right now and man, Jensen did one hell of a job to portray it.

He made a suggestion and wanted to help Delphine and the ship to be saved, but she was the one to put her foot down. In a very twisted way this may have confirmed to Dean just once more that he is not just weak and vulnerable when it comes to Amara, but in general so that people think they need to take care of him. Which is good and wonderful that people do that, but it’s exactly that Dean has such big issues with.

Anyway. So Dean has all this happening fresh in mind (and the bystander argument does loomingly feel like when Amara may use Dean against his will, he may be unable to resist, but may well inside be distraught over it, because like Abaddon once threatened Dean, she would make Dean watch what she will make him do) as well as all of the trauma and stress that has been repeatedly raining down on him for a better part of 3 seasons, so he is truly at the end of his rope here.

Dean has trust issues left, right and center. And the only people he unconditionally trusts are his brother and Cas. The entire preparation talk showcased how very much he trusts, values and confides in Cas. There is not a doubt in his mind that Cas would not stand by his side, not one. And it’s because of that, that the revelation of Cas being possessed by Lucifer really does the number on Dean that we see in the ending scene.

This is Dean Winchester we are talking about, of course he fees responsible and guilty that he could let that happen to Cas, on the other hand he’s conflicted because he opened up to Lucifer of all people, laid out everything and he was used and played once more.

So all this I am sure is raging behind Dean’s eyelids when he sits at that destroyed pier, everything he has been through weighing on him and then there’s the cherry on top with Cas. That was what broke the camel’s back, what made the levee break. The one constant aside from his brother gone, the only person, who he could confide in in a way he could not or did not want to with Sam seems lost, this is the moment of Dean truly feeling utterly alone, paralyzed. It’s exactly how in 11x07 “Plush” the mother described how she felt when her brother was accused of doing inappropriate things to kids.

Dean sits there mourning so much more than just Cas, but also everything that connects with that, safety, understanding, an ally. And I’m sure thousands have noted this before, but of course the pier has a special connection for Dean and Cas. And while this is all subtext and a place Dean may have chosen subconsciously, it doesn’t change anything about the fact that these tears that he is fighting against there are partially also tears he sheds for Cas. He fight against the tears, because he does not live up to any of the parts of the Winchesters motto anymore:

He can’t “hunt things”, because Amara makes him numb and a shell of himself unable to fight her off and that has been strengthened by so many MotW episode this season that saw Dean unable to help himself. And neither can he “save people” (btw this is not my opinion this is how I think Dean thinks). Quite the opposite. An entire submarine died for him, the Hand of God was used to save him and his best friend is lost to Lucifer. And Dean knows that he is not strong enough to truly be able to help Cas get back, because he is so vulnerable at the moment. Let that sink in for a moment, think about the dread and self loathing Dean feels over this. Dean crying at that pier, barely saying a word is not a sign of him not caring, it is a sign of him caring so much that it paralyzes him, tortures him to the point he seems almost blank.

So no, I don’t think Dean just for a second did not care enough about Castiel or him being possessed (btw I am not sure I remember right, but Sam did not tell Dean yet that Cas said yes willingly, Dean thinks he was tricked, if he finds out that Cas said yes possibly for the same reasons and the same feelings he harbours at the moment, be sure there to be more tears and heartache), I think he cared too much to be able to even filter it anymore - and just once again HATS OFF JENSEN, AMAZINGLY DONE.

And Dean “enjoying” the wrestling in the next episode? Tbh, I don’t think this is a sign for Dean not caring, this is a Dean who tries to suppress, to distract, because if he wouldn’t, I am pretty certain Dean would jump off the next cliff within a heartbeat. This is “an act” just as much as him picking up someone on Valentine’s day was “an act” and technic to relieve the pain. Look back at 11 seasons of Supernatural and tell me how Dean deals when he is scared out of his mind, grieving and depressed (aside from drinking more heavily than usual), yes his usual m.o. is to throw himself into something to not think about how much it hurts. Him doing that doesn’t show he doesn’t care, it shows that Dean doesn’t know how much more blows he can take.