throw a pot

One morning, a loaf of bread that Grunkle Stan had mistakenly left on top of the refrigerator for a year and a half became so moldy, so gross and covered in green-white fuzz that it developed sentience and the ability to move.

It crept around the kitchen as the Pines family was eating breakfast and found some mysterious hyper-mutation crystals Ford had accidentally left on the counter. It ate them and turning into a giant, green fuzzy monster that roared and rampaged through the Shack.

Dipper tried throwing pots and pans at it, but they bounced off harmlessly.

Stan grabbed a bat and started attacking the monster, swinging and punching and throwing himself at it with all his strength, but it was too powerful for him.

Ford pulled out a giant laser gun and fired it at the monster over and over, but the blasts barely even singed its fuzzy exterior.

Finally, Mabel grabbed a ladle off the mess of kitchenware that the monster had spread across the floor, ran up to it, leaped on it and struck it with one blow on the back of its head. The monster instantly crumbled into a thousand pieces and fell to the ground, lifeless.

“Great job, pumpkin!” Stan cried.

“That was amazing!” Dipper added.

“Yes, but how?” Ford scratched his head. “That thing couldn’t even be stopped by 48th century technology, how did you destroy it in just one blow?”

“Oh Grunkle Ford.” Mabel calmly explained, “haven’t you heard…?”

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anonymous asked:

Joker's "dead" again; he fell into a smoke stack... so that means the Joker resurrection lottery is back on! Tweet @JokerLive$ with the exact date and time that you think he'll reappear, and throw $1 into the pot. Last time @DefNotBatman won $3.2 million and donated it to charity, but if you win you can keep it! #OnlyInGotham #IfYouBetHe'sActuallyDeadYouCanOnlyWinAYearAfterTheyFindAndCremateHisBody #HarleyYou'reStillNotEligible

Potato Soup

Okay so lil bit of a story first. Yesterday was my roomie’s birthday and I took her out to Denny’s for lunch. I got their loaded potato soup and it was AMAZING. Which put me on a potato soup kick. So today I made this, and when I got my roomie to try it, she said it tasted even better than the one at Denny’s.

So whatcha need is the following:

  • 1-4 potatoes, depending on type/size (I used 1 ½ giant russets)
  • 3 cans of some kind of condensed cream soup (I used 1 celery, 1 potato, and 1 broccoli & cheese)
  • water
  • bacon bits (optional – omit for vegetarian, or use veggie ones)
  • shredded cheese
  • spices

So you peel and chop the spuds, throw ‘em in a pot and boil 'em til they’re all soft. Drain (keep the water) and throw 'em in a bowl off to the side. Lightly mash.

Now you open your soup cans, dump 'em all in the pot, along with the potato water, and a bunch more water. Whisk/stir/whatever as you heat it up.

Toss your spuds in the pot, along with a handful of bacon bits and another handful of shredded cheese. Also add garlic powder and onion powder to taste. Stir as you heat it up.

Now, at this point, I found it to be a little bland, so I looked through my spice cupboard and ended up adding a couple shakes of allspice and 4 pinches of thyme. It sounds weird, I know, but it really took the soup from good but bland to totally mind-blowing.

*tip*

If you can’t deal with cooking/mashing potatoes, easy way to save some spoons is to grab a can of potato chunks from the store and a box of potato flakes. The canned potatoes will give some nice texture, while the flakes will have the same effect as the mashed spuds. Just remember that you’ll have to add extra water.

  • Magus: *stands outside Alex's bedroom and sings at the top of his lungs whilst glowing* Let it glow, let it glow, I can't fight my love for you any more!
  • Alex: *yells* Fuck off Magnus. I'm trying to sleep!
  • Magnus: LET IT GLOW!
  • Alex: *throws clay pot at his head* I swear to Odin, I will decapitate you again!
  • Magnus: *whispers* Let it-
  • *door opens and Magnus runs*
“Don’t You Ever Follow Directions?”

Leroy Jethro Gibbs


As you wielded away in his kitchen, throwing random things in pots and pans as the prime rib slowly roasted in the oven, Gibbs looks around his kitchen for any sort of anchor as to what you were cooking.

And he found the recipe you had supposedly printed out laying crumpled up on the floor.

He smirked as he looked back towards you.

“Don’t you ever follow directions?” he asks.

And his voice made you jump.

“Dammit, Jethro!” you squeal as you throw a rag at him, “Don’t you ever make noise when you walk!?”

But all he could do was grin at you.

“And besides…I don’t need directions,” you huff as you turn back to your food.

“Sounds like another take-out night,” Gibbs smiles.

“Watch yourself, Leroy,” you warn as you begin stirring frantically, “there’s a grave out back with your name on it.”

“They’d find me in a heartbeat!” he yells out as he turns to head to his room.

“Not if I pay people off!” you yell back at him as you burn yourself on a pot.

“Aaah…ssssss!” you hiss.

“With what money!?” he asks coming back with a band-aid.

“Thanks,” you murmur as you watch him put it on you.

And then he brings your burnt finger up to his lips for a kiss.

“You like me too much,” he smirks.

“Nope,” you pop.

“I love you too much,” you correct.

You loved it when you could make him smile.

But you loved it even more when you could make him pin you against the counter.

Alistair’s Lamb and Pea Stew

“Now here in Ferelden, we do things right. We take our ingredients, throw them into the largest pot we can find, and cook them for as long as possible until everything is a uniform grey color. As soon as it looks completely bland and unappetizing, that’s when I know it’s done.”

Stew is a staple of Fereldan and, to a lesser extent, Alamarri cuisine. Alamarri cuisine tends to be much more interesting than Fereldan cooking, employing many more herbs and spices. To explain the difference, we have to go into a small little culinary history lesson as it applies to Thedas.

The movement from Tribal and Nomadic societies to feudal and city living caused a dynamic shift within the cuisine of Fereldan. Most farms belonged to the local lord, and thus were unavailable to the peasants working them. Fereldan freemen that worked the farms were limited to what they grew on their farm, minus their tithes and taxes to the local lord (who would in turn give some of those taxes and tithes to the king).

Gone were the days of foraging for herbs and hunting for game. Now, Fereldans were limited to what they had at hand. And for most, outside of the nobility, this was fairly little. Of course, they weren’t limited by our world’s limitations (potatoes and tomatoes weren’t introduced to europe until the middle of the 16th century). But that doesn’t mean they didn’t have their limitations. Spices like pepper, cloves, cinnamon, etc would - for the most part - be things that only the nobility could afford, as they would carry additional costs because of the export and import from places like Nevarra, Tevinter and the Anderfels.

This doesn’t mean that Ferelden was devoid of spices and herbs, of course. Edible laurels, juniper berries, borage, caraway seeds, parsley and thyme would all grow throughout Ferelden, The Korcari wilds and the Frostbacks. Rosemary is something that would not be very prevalent in Ferelden cooking, as it would mostly grow in the more temperate climates of Antiva, Nevarra, Rivain, and Tevinter. However, most Ferelden freemen would not have access to these herbs for two simple reasons: First, these herbs would be fairly expensive at the market unless they themselves grew them. Second: most ferelden freemen would have long lost the knowledge to forage for the wild variations of these herbs.

For most peasants, a stew would consist of perhaps one large onion, a few carrots, and a very tough piece of meat. Even farmers would most likely subsist on tougher pieces of meat, as they would sell the more tender pieces in order to make their living. Most Fereldans would most likely not know how to forage salt, and so salt would be something almost exclusive to the nobility. Therefore, most Fereldan cooking would be fairly bland, except for those smart few who knew how to get salt from other sources.

And so we come to the unfortunate reason why Leliana was so unimpressed with Alistair’s stew. However, to be fair, his stew was most likely rather impressive given what he had to work with. Unless the warden was carrying a personal chef in their backpack, whomever was doing the cooking most likely had to make do with whatever they could hunt or forage. This, of course, means that the party would most likely have much better food if their Warden was from the dalish - but that is neither here nor there as far as these recipes are concerned.

The following recipes assume that Alistair (or at least Morrigan) knew what they were doing in terms of foraging ingredients. 

For most recipes in this series, I will be using measuring instruments most commonly found throughout whatever region the recipe is from. For Ferelden cooking, feel free to use these conversions:

  • 1 small spoonful = 1 heaping tsp
  • 1 large spoonful = 1 heaping tbsp
  • 1 ladle = 1 cup
  • 1 mug’s full = 2 cups
  • 1 quarter bushel = 15 lbs, 2 gallons, 16 pints, or 8 quarts
  • 1 basket = 7 lbs, 1 gallon, 8 pints, or 4 quarts
  • 1 full pot (dry) = 4 lbs, 1.5 gallons, 6 quarts, 12 pints, or 24 cups
  • 1 full pot (wet) = 3 gallons, 12 quarts, 24 pints, or 48 cups
  • 1 bunch (herbs, etc) = 1 cup chopped, or as much un-chopped as you can fit into your closed fist without crushing any of it.
  • 1 bunch (plants): 1 full plant’s worth (for smaller plants), roughly 1 lb, or ½ kg (for larger plants)
  • 1 pot = 3 gallon pot / 12 quart pot
  • 1 large pot = 5 gallon pot / 20 quart pot
  • 1 very large pot = 10 gallon pot / 40 quart pot

As an added note: Hickory is not native to Britain, however Ferelden and the Free Marches have been shown to have many plants that are normally native to North America, particularly further up north where the climate is slightly warmer. Therefore, I feel justified in putting it here.

It should be noted that neither of these recipes will look especially appetizing when they are done (As the bone marrow and potatoes will turn the stew this weird uniform grey color). But if they are cooked correctly, both stews will taste delicious.

For an extra treat, consider serving either of these stews with a thick piece of freshly baked crusty bread and a generous amount of fresh butter.

All optional replacements are listed below both recipes.

Traditional Fereldan Lamb and Pea Stew
(makes enough for 30 portions, or enough for all DAO camp members to have 2 or 3 helpings)

  • 1 full Lamb shoulder, with neck attached (about 5-6 lbs), deboned and cut into large chunks, with largest bones reserved.
  • 4 bunches of carrots (about 24-30), roughly chopped
  • 4 bunches of onions (roughly 12 large onions), roughly chopped
  • 1 full pot of potatoes, peeled and roughly chopped
  • 1 fistful of lamb suet (roughly ½ cup)
  • 4 mug fulls of fresh green peas, shelled and cleaned
  • 1 large hickory root, roughly chopped and crushed
  • 2 mug fulls of brown ale
  • 1 half pot of water
  1. Place the hickory root in a very large pot with ¼ of the water. Bring to a heavy boil, and allow it to boil down until it starts to thicken. Immediately remove the hickory root and discard. Reduce the water until you are left with a black substance. Remove this black hickory salt and reserve.
  2. Return the pot to the fire and add your lamb suet. Once suet starts to render, add your carrots and onions. 
  3. Cook carrots and onions, stirring to make sure they cook evenly.
  4. Once carrots and onions start to brown, add meat.
  5. Once meat is browned, add potatoes, bones, ale and ½ of the remaining water (enough to cover by 1 inch). Allow to cook at a light boil until the water turns a brown-greyish color and starts to thicken. 
  6. Add your peas and just enough water to cover by 1 inch. Make sure stew is covered with a small bit of water during cooking, adding extra water when needed.
  7. Cook at a low simmer or light boil until the stew is full of flavor, and water has thickened to a nice gravy, and potatoes have started to break down. Most, or all of the bone marrow should have been cooked out of the bones and been absorbed into the stew.
  8. Add as much or little of the hickory salt as your taste desires.
  9. Remove bones when serving.

Casendz Wacancosÿn
(Alamarri Hunter’s Stew / Chasind Stew)
(A much more seasoned and herbaceous variant of the previous stew)
(30 servings, or enough for 10 people to have 2 to 3 helpings)

  • 5-6 lbs of shoulder, either lamb, venison, or bear
  • 2 lbs of large lamb, venison, or bear bones
  • 4 bunches of carrots (about 24-30), roughly chopped
  • 4 bunches of onions (roughly 12 large onions), roughly chopped
  • 1 full pot of potatoes, peeled and roughly chopped
  • 1 fistful of suet or butter (roughly ½ cup)
  • 4 mug fulls of fresh green peas, shelled and cleaned
  • 1 large hickory root, roughly chopped and crushed
  • 4 fresh bay leaves
  • A small handful of juniper berries
  • A small handful of borage leaves
  • 1 bunch parsley
  • 1 bunch fresh mint
  • 2 mug fulls of brown ale
  • 1 half pot of water
  1. Place the hickory root in a very large pot with ¼ of the water. Bring to a heavy boil, and allow it to boil down until it starts to thicken. Immediately remove the hickory root and discard. Reduce the water until you are left with a black substance. Remove this black hickory salt and reserve.
  2. Return the pot to the fire and add your suet or butter. Once suet renders, or butter melts, add carrots and onions.
  3. Cook carrots and onions, stirring to make sure they cook evenly.
  4. Once carrots and onions start to brown, add meat.
  5. Once meat is browned, add potatoes, bones, ale and ½ of the remaining water. Allow to cook at a light boil until the water turns a brown-greyish color and starts to thicken.
  6. Add your peas and all herbs except for half of the mint, and add just enough water to cover by 1 inch. Make sure stew is covered with a small bit of water during cooking, adding extra water when needed.
  7. Cook at a low simmer or light boil until the stew is full of flavor, and water has thickened to a nice gravy, and potatoes have started to break down. Most, or all of the bone marrow should have been cooked out of the bones and been absorbed into the stew.
  8. Add as much or little of the hickory salt as your taste desires.
  9. Remove bones when serving.
  10. Before serving, add a small handful of the reserved fresh mint.

REPLACEMENTS:

  • Instead of suet, use butter or oil
  • Instead of hickory root, simply use 2 tbsp of salt and remove the process of extracting the hickory salt
  • You can use lamb, beef, venison or pork for either of these recipes. 
  • Dried versions of all included herbs can certainly be used, but the flavor profile will not be the same. There are certain flavor profiles that you get with fresh bay, juniper and borage that you simply cannot replicate with the dried variants.
  • You can certainly include celery in this stew if you want. However, this would traditionally be a fall and winter dish, and celery is a summer vegetable. If you want the flavor of celery without compromising the authenticity, then you can simply use celery root instead of celery stalk. However, because of the strong and sometimes overpowering flavor, celery and celery root would usually not be used in these stews.

my first ever DnD child, Matilda the tiefling warlock

poor girl is so sad but after adventuring with the Gilded Griffin she’s been getting much happier and more curious. Just don’t let her near any strange creature bit; tends to throw ANYTHING into a pot to see if it’ll make an interesting potion (see; Beholder eyestalks). Hasn’t blown up in her face…..yet.

7

NCT 127 light rainbow theme // Inspired by @creationawakening : “What I associate the NCT 127 members with// None of the pictures are mine and full credit goes to the owners // SEND ME A REQUEST, ASK IN PROFILE

Taeil; Hanging lights, flannel, hickeys

Taeyong; Veins, empty museums, bruises

Yuta; Scribbles in notebooks, type writers, polaroids

Jaehyun; Doc martens, the sound of rain, calligraphy

WinWin; Turtle necks, the city skyline, traveling to new places

Mark; Crystals/gem stones, brush strokes, the smell of grapes

Haechan; Afternoons at the pier, throw pillows, potted plants

On August 3, 2015 Bitty is in Providence, a halo of tousled hair around his head in the morning light, and Jack gives him a festive-looking envelope.

“What is this, Mr. Zimmermann,” he says, laughing, pulling open the ribbon wrapped around it.  “You’re supposed to get presents on your birthday, not gi–” His voice falters and he holds a $500 Williams Sonoma gift card in shaking fingers.

Jack wraps arms around him.  “I am going to watch you spend it,” he says into Bitty’s hair, “on rolling pins and bain-maries and kitchen knives that don’t make you curse their lineage.”  He kisses his neck.  “You are going to throw out the pot with the green handle. After we douse it with gasoline and set it on fire.”

“Oh my god,” Bitty says, who has literally started weeping.  “Thank you. Thank you so much. This is the best present anyone has ever gotten me.”

Jack holds him as Bitty turns around and cries into Jack’s shoulder.  “I am the best boyfriend ever?”

“Oh my god, Jack. Oh my god.”

Jack may, he concludes, have gone a little overboard; you can have too much of a good thing when it takes someone half an hour to calm down about it.  He should have done more than one trip, with smaller amounts.

But it’s still the best gift he’s ever fucking bought himself.

Random thought is random, but bear with me. I know there’s been a lot of speculation over the years as to why the portrait of Beast in BatB showed Beast as a grown man rather than the child he was when he was cursed. And with the new live action trailer out showing the painting true-to-age, I’m gonna throw my theory into the pot (because most of us aren’t capable of admitting it was an animation error).

Okay okay okay, so, picture this (ha pun) the portrait was enchanted from the start because we all know angry fae can be really vindictive. So the “Enchantress” (we all know she probably hung out with the Unseely court) enchanted this one painting of the Prince-now-Beast to age alongside him as a way to dig the knife a little deeper. Kind of a, “You see? This could be you right now had you not been a normal kid and listened to the warning your parents gave you about NOT LET STRANGE PEOPLE INTO THE HOUSE AT NIGHT!” 

So for ten years the painting aged alongside Beast (full on Dorian Grey), tormenting him by showing him the handsomeness he could be experiencing. Handsomeness his family line probably possessed: the gentle eyes and brow of his mother, the jaw and cheekbones of his father. So when the final year of his torment begins and he sees the beautiful man he could be, Beast, in his rage and despair, shreds the painting. It’s enchanted. It’ll be fine and continue to age even when torn, but that’s how Belle catches a glimpse of the man who she will soon love.