through-small-things

Do you ever just read your own writing and

5

still watching ep 6 of haikyuu

to celebrate here is my summary of eps 1 - 4 in really bad scribbles

hinata’s shirt says number 10 but he always has to go number 2

it’s so weird that we think of gracefulness as a thin person thing bc thin people really don’t have to ever learn to be graceful?

I mean like thin people live in spaces made for them, they don’t have to squeeze through furniture arranged for someone much smaller or sit lightly on chairs not made for their weight or handle phone screens made for narrower fingers or otherwise carefully navigate a series of obstacles created by a world designed only for smaller bodies.

And even when it’s dropping things etc., when fat people do it it’s somehow tied back into fatness?? and seen as shameful to have fat fingers etc.  when it’s more or less neutral for thin people, charming and adorable even, so they really don’t need to learn to be graceful and like… fat people do.

Every day fat people squeeze through small spaces without knocking things off or sit in chairs made too delicately without breaking them or handle instruments designed for someone literally half our size. Thin people barrel through or throw themselves into furniture or grab carelessly at things and are seen as more graceful, often literally just because nothing breaks when they’re careless.

Because things are designed for their bodies and not ours.

2

↳ do not repost or use

The only thing touching me right now
are my black jeans, a blanket, this bra. Even my friends 
don’t want to go out: J is in bed, phone glowing hot
in his hands; Alisha’s in Florida with a sad song
and a linen napkin in her lap. Maybe this cigarette
is my Valentine, all mint-smoke smell in my hair; 
or the card my grandmother picked out carefully
three days ago for me. I have to cram myself
into this body every day and it’s getting crowded.
I wander lonely through Target, buy small things
like nail polish, a scarf, breath mints. People are always
so surprised that my poems contain so much 
sadness, that I can crawl right into the belly of it
and sleep there. I can’t talk to you like this. No one
is answering their phones and the woman who tells me
that the person I am trying to reach is not available
is my best friend and I hope she’s happy. I hope
someone loves her. I hope she loves herself.
—  Kristina Haynes, “Valentine’s Day Blues”
2

Happy Birthday sweet strawberry girl grizzly-pandabear!!!

last year i drew you a haru pillow body but i actually wanted to draw makoharu eating strawberry desserts together so i did it this year o/ 

idk how many straberries i draw but i hope it’ll be enough to satisfy you, grizzly you strawberries lover heheh 

I HOPE YOU’LL GET ALL THE DESSERTS YOU LIKE ON YOUR BIRTHDAY

PLEASE DO NOT REPOST/EDIT/USE WITHOUT MY PERMISSION

It's Bittersweet

“Looks deceive,” she said to me, after I explained how she is the sweetest being one could ever meet.

“There is a demon caged within my rips, and at times it will scratch and gnaw, demanding to be heard. I’ve been hurt and hurt a thousand times over; you see, I could never hurt another, so internally I fight with this monster. It’s like a devil upon my shoulder whispering sin into my ear. I’ve captured my thoughts as prisoners of war, and these battles will never be over. At times, I am bitter. I did not deserve the things I’ve endured, and now there is a black hole where my month should be, so I cut out my tongue and merely emit positive energy.”

3

“But the idea of losing the archives, of losing my fight for citizenship for a country that I, in part, founded; t h e  i d e a  o f  l o s i n g  y o u to some wretched federal promotion to I don’t know, Dallas or to Los Angeles… Sometimes it seems as though the unbeatable enemy is the 21st century.”