three pig

One time in grade school, I was sitting around minding my own business, when some other kid walked up to me. I don’t remember anything about this kid– name, gender, anything. I only remember what happened next.

The kid said, “I won a pig.”

I didn’t have any context for this. I didn’t know this kid, and our school was in the city. It’s not like there were any contests going around where the prize was a pig. Not that I knew of, anyway. And if there were, why would it be any of my business? My mind didn’t really know what to do with this information.

So my mind did what it always does when it can’t think of anything else to do. It made a really pitifully horrible pun.

I said, “I TWO a pig.”

And the other kid went along with this, and said, “I three a pig.”

And we kept going, four a pig, five a pig, and so on–

–all the way until the other kid says “I seven a pig,” and I answer, “I eight a pig.”

And then I realize this was all a setup– one of those elaborate grade school jokes where you try to get someone to say something rude or embarrassing like “liquor and rubber buns” or “ICUP.” Yeah, very funny. I ate a pig.

And it wasn’t till years later that I realized how much of a leap of faith this kid took. They walked up to me with NO context and said “I won a pig,” just TRUSTING that I would carry the joke all the way to its natural conclusion.

Did they somehow know my pun-obsessed mind well enough to predict that I would make that specific pun on “won” and “one”? Even though I didn’t have any idea who they were?

Or did they actually forget that you’re supposed to explain the rules of the joke first (“okay, you repeat what I said, but with the next number!”) and did they just happen to get incredibly lucky?

Or maybe they actually freaking won a pig, and were just trying to tell me about it,  and
when I made a pun they just decided to run with it, and it was sheer coincidence that it just accidentally turned into a joke.

I want to find this kid, someday, and ask what the crap was going on. Too bad I have no idea who they were.

what the fuck is the moral of the three little pigs, anyhow. people without access to the best materials are going to die? familial bonds mean nothing in the face of an impending crisis? wolves are dicks and pigs are stupid? i have no fucking clue

John’s started reading classic fairy tales to Rosie at bedtime. Here are Sherlock’s reviews (on a scale of 1 to 5 stars):

Little Red Riding Hood:  ★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

“I admire the girl’s independence, but this idiot child doesn’t recognize the difference between her beloved grandmother and a dangerous WOLF? The SAME WOLF she met in the forest less than an hour ago? And you think MY disguises are silly…”

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs:   ☆ ☆ ☆

“I like the part about the Evil Queen demanding Snow White’s heart – nice and macabre. So Snow White runs away to the forest and becomes a housekeeper for a gang of diminutive gay miners?  They should’ve just ended the story there – I don’t care for all that pointless, predictable nonsense about the poison apple and the prince.”

Goldilocks and the Three Bears:  ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

“If those bears were any worse at deduction, they’d work for New Scotland Yard.” 

“Thought you might relate to Goldilocks, love – you’re both picky, impatient, show zero respect for others’ personal property…” 

“Oh please, John. Goldilocks is a moron – now, if Rosie wants to learn how to perform a proper home invasion…”  

No.”

The Three Little Pigs:  ★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

“It’s a scam, obviously. At least two of these pig brothers are guilty of insurance fraud, and the third may be in on it as well. A wolf BLEW your house down? While straw and sticks may not be the sturdiest of building materials, the lung capacity of the average fully grown Canis lupus is not great enough to produce the force necessary to demolish even an exceedingly shoddy dwelling.”

The Little Mermaid:  ★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

“Why no pirates? Would be better with pirates.”

Rapunzel:  ☆ ☆ ☆

“I’d like to know Rapunzel’s diet, genetic makeup (or at least ethnicity), cranial circumference, surface area of her scalp, the height of the tower, the surrounding climate and humidity level, what sort of shampoo/conditioner she used, whether or not she used hairspray or styling product …numerous variables affect the tensile strength and growth rate of human hair, you know…“

Sleeping Beauty:  ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

“Sleep is tedious.”

Cinderella:  ☆ ☆ 

“I love a ball. The ball is good – beautiful gown, the prince in his dress uniform, love at first sight, dancing the night away, AND a mystery! Yet it’s all ruined because I can’t stand the utter STUPIDITY of trying the glass slipper on every eligible maiden in the land…it doesn’t take a deductive genius to recognize that’s a waste of time!”

Rumplestiltskin:   

“This one actually has some valuable lessons. For one thing, someone is always listening – royal minions in a fairy tale, Mycroft’s cameras and covert agents, the homeless network…we’re under surveillance of some sort at all times. Be vigilant, be aware, observe. Also, if you happen to have a ridiculous name, OWN IT – there’s no point trying to keep it a secret, because it’ll come out eventually, JOHN HAMISH WATSON.”  

The typical day for a fox, when you live next to so much pigeons, how to not bounce all day long ? 

Another video I had lots of fun making ! This song is really catchy, I love the little “bip bip” sounds ! 

Foxes and other animals needs to sleep …. not pigeons ! They will bounce forever !

They are determinated ! 

The music belongs to Lipps Inc, Funky town ! 


Merci tout le monde ! For all of your messages, it means a lot ! Will never stop animating for you ^^. If you make music tell me, it can be awesome to animate on music made by you and not only famous one ! And finally thank you all for your kindness and love, I always try my best to write the most perfect english for you and I can see that I’m a bit better now, I think I still put some mistakes but it’s alright now =)  Thank you all ! 

oh jesus my brain did a thing and i regret my entire existence

it combined “not by the hair on my chinny chin chin” from the three little pigs and “forgive me father, for I have sinned”

now it’s “forgive me father, for i have sinny sin sinned” forever there’s no turning back