three maxes and a little lady


Darcy bit her lip trying not to cause a scene. She was covering a shift for her cousin Max. She didn’t need the money, it was just family helping family. But, she wasn’t going to let this guy get away with what he was doing.

“I don’t know who the Hell you are, but you should be grateful I don’t have my taser gun.” Her voice low and holding a promise not a threat. “Otherwise, you would be drooling on the carpet and holding onto your balls.”

“You’re not Max.” He mumbled some kind of apology. “I’m Johnny your cousin’s boyfriend.”

“No shit Sherlock.” Darcy rolled her eyes a little annoyed, and shaking his hand. “I’m Darcy. Now let me give you some advice.”

“One, no where in the menu or the specials board does it state ‘waitresses boobs’. Make sure you’re looking at the right ones, before your eyes wander.”

“Two, make sure the lady isn’t taken by another man, who knows exactly how to take care her. From what I hear, you could use some pointers.”

“Three and most importantly, make sure her man isn’t around. Mine is standing right over there.” Darcy finished, and he looked where she was pointing.

The same place the whole restaurant was looking. Steve was wearing his uniform minus the helmet and shield. Glaring at them. Proving that the man wearing the uniform was more dangerous, than the man the uniform represented.

Darcy didn’t need to see Johnny’s face to notice the small shutter of fear that ran through him. “I’ll send another waitress to take your order.”

Darcy and Caroline gave each other knowing smiles, as she grabbed Steve’s hand. She led him outside and around the building, pushing him against the back door kissing him.

“Good to know this uniform is good for something more than fighting.” He said resting his forehead against hers. “Still you and Caroline shouldn’t meddled in Max’s relationship.”

“Says the man who agreed to scare the shit out of that cheater. Admit it, you enjoyed it.”

“A little.“ Steve smiled, holding her closer to him. “I didn’t like the way he was looking at you, but knew you could handle it.”

“Just so you know when Max finds out, this is all on you and Caroline. I was just an innocent bystander.”

“Innocent my ass.” Darcy replied capturing his lips again.

Mel Brooks’ Mulligan

Nearly 40 years after the cult classic comedy first premiered, The Producers returned to the silver screen following a blockbuster 2001 Broadway revival featuring Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick. In all three, a floundering accountant and a failing theatrical producer stumble into an embezzlement scheme aiming for a guaranteed flop. After struggling to reconcile their delusions of grandeur with their current lives, Max and Leo go about finding the worst play ready for production, after all how hard can it be? Making agreement after agreement just so their terrible musical can see the stage for one night, our protagonists find themselves wrapped in a web of bad deals with every Little Old Lady and Nazi in Post-War New York. The musical hangs on to the new cast and retains the sense of rampant impropriety that made the original such fun and makes a few script adjustments. 2005 didn’t offer the same rich countercultural fodder for the deconstruction and incidental satire of totalitarianism as the 60s, so Brooks substitutes the hippie showstealer from his original with a caricature of Broadway director: incredibly vain, eccentric, obnoxiously egocentric and decorated with all the trappings some closed-minded individuals might associate with a homosexual. With a cast of relatable, if over-ambitious, characters and a throwback soundtrack full of the sounds of Old Broadway, this raucous and risqué romp is sure to entertain.

Even if you have zero affinity for musical theater, keep an eye out for this one on Netflix, HBO Go, and other popular streaming services. Come for the pageantry, stay for the Hitler jokes. 

Postpective by Neal