Sam hasn’t been blackout drunk for a couple of years, not since the night that he got Dean back from demonhood and put away nearly an entire bottle of Jack. That time he woke up face down in his pillows, fully clothed with his dislocated shoulder shooting violent bolts of pain down his spine. This time, he comes to with the sky wheeling white above him, his clothes damp and his knees muddy and twigs and leaves in his hair. He sits up, hauls himself to his feet and staggers forward a dozen yards or so to emerge onto a jogging track, a woman in bright lycra thudding past with headphones in her ears. His legs are bruised and aching and his mind is… fuck, so foggy, a great roiling cloud of nothingness, and he has to stop thinking about that right fucking now if he wants to stay calm. He runs his hands through his hair, dislodging a beetle and a shower of debris, tries to straighten up his clothes. He finds his phone in his pocket, the screen shattered and dead. Great. But the next woman down the track has a guy alongside her, a personal trainer maybe, so Sam steps forward hoping that he won’t intimidate them both away.
“Hey,” he says, hoarse. “Can I – I’m sorry. Can I borrow your phone?”
What a stupid question, Richie thinks. How are you? How do you think? On average Richie gets three hours of sleep a night. He can’t sleep unless my best friend is in his bed with him to begin with. He leave this hell hole to go to his own personal hell hole, where his living parent emulates death at the hand of whiskey. In the nights where Eddie doesn’t sleep with him, he sits in silence. But it’s not silent, because in his ears ring the gun shot he heard a month ago from the study. Over and over, he hears it, and sometimes he even feels it. A gaping hole forms in his chest, and he’s not even sure what caused it. Like everyone, including himself, always said: His father was shit. Garbage with a sharp backhand. Why was there a hole in his chest?
TW; Abuse, Suicide, Alcoholism, Grief/Loss, Minor Homophobia
A/N; A fic about Richie losing his father, and learning to grieve and cope with the support of Eddie.
Shock & Denial
Today is a day like any other. There is nothing wrong with today. Not even the fact that it’s raining. He woke up this morning, he got dressed, and kept with his usual morning routine: Grab a poptart, put on his mismatched socks, tie his shoes and leave. No, there is nothing wrong with today.
That’s what Richie tells himself as he strides into Derry high school. He did as he usually would, not a change in his routine. It wasn’t uncommon for him to not see any of his friends until lunch, he didn’t have classes with any of them, considering he was the only one in AP classes.
The first hiccup in his day: Focusing proves rather difficult as he sits in pre-calc. Everything his teacher says goes in one ear and out the other. His focus keeps falling away from the lesson, and his gaze falls to look out the window. He zones out there, losing track of time until the bell signaling the end of the period goes off.
It’s time for lunch, which is when the second hiccup occurs. Richie’s friends all know today is not like any other day. All of them know things are bad right now, and none of them can figure out why Richie sits down for lunch and acts as though nothing is wrong.
Things are very wrong.
But no one says anything, because Richie won’t say anything. They’re all hyper aware of the fact that less than two days ago, Richie’s father had taken his own life in his study. No one will mention it. How do you mention it? They all share looks between one another while Richie nonchalantly eats his lunch.
You wanna hear a thing or two about Rome? Here we go.
I’ve had the time of my life, like I’ve felt so good, all the time. Happy, bouncy, excited. I’ve spoken a lot of Italian and people have complimented me on my accent, no one I talked to in Italian switched to English, I’ve solved problems in Italian. I’ve spoken Dutch to a native. I’ve been eating pizza and pasta every day, I’ve eaten pizza on the go while almost running to the Spanish steps, me and my friends were at a restaurant for three hours one night, eating and talking. I’ve eaten gelato in front of the pantheon, I’ve eaten gelato in the last twenty minutes before the monastery closed. I’ve seen a lot of cool buildings, colosseum, roman baths, churches, basilicas, forum romanum, Ostia antica, a roman domus, beautiful architecture. I’ve been with friends all the time, every day and my introversion has been on a low, I’ve built on friendships I’ve wanted to build on for a long time. We had the best weather, up to 20 C and shining sun every day, I’ve barley seen a cloud on the whole trip, I’ve gone without jacket and in a skirt, I got a little burned on my nose. I’ve managed not to get run over in the roman traffic and felt that the fast speed fit me. I’ve been thinking about if I prefer Rome of Riva and I really can’t decide. I’ve had the time of my live, I haven’t felt anxious, I haven’t thought about school, I have spoken Italian, I have felt sunshine, I have radiated sunshine, I have radiated happiness, I have been going and going all day everyday, loving it, I have felt so good, been so happy and I’m so sad we had to leave. I love Rome, I love Italy, I love Italian and soon I’ll be back, I have to go back or I won’t get any peace in my soul. I love my Italian me, she is fantastic and I’ll try to be more like her here in Sweden too.
so, here’s something I’ve been thinking about for the last couple of days. I mean, it’s something I think about all of the time, but lately, it’s like, I’m always late for work, only have ten minutes to get ready, my room is a mess, I only eat junk food, and I’m like why? So whenever I try to diagnose the problem, it always comes back to, I just don’t have any time? And people will agree with you, “Oh I never have any time! I wish there were just more hours in the day, because there just isn’t enough TIME” and it’s so fun to agree! Oh yeah totally, I’m so fucking busy!
but honestly, what am I so busy with?I Like, I remember leasure. I remember having plenty of time. I remember being “bored” but I literally don’t say that anymore, and have no time ever because I’m on my phone.
Like, I wake up in the morning and check my phone for like forty five minutes. before i get out of bed or do anything else, i’m checking my email. reading the emails. checking instagram, checking my feed. Oops, something caught my interest, gotta read this article about statement sleeves, okay time to check twitter. THIS TAKES SO LONG, whyyyy do I do it. Okay, so then I try to think back to how I used to wake up, before this became a ritual. I would get ready, put on makeup, brush my hair, play music, make coffee. Now, I check my phone until it’s like, fifteen minutes before I need to get ready for work, and I just go to work in whatever shirt I slept in, and wear leggings. WHAT but I just think, “Hey, i’m late because I ran out of time.” then when it’s time to cook, I don’t want to make anything that will take over twenty minutes to prepare because i’m busy I fall asleep with my makeup on every night because i’m reading through comments on twitter until 1am and my eyes just water themselves shut.
and I think this is like, pretty normal. If I just accounted for all of this time on social media, it would probably be like five hours. Imagine if someone gave you free five hours to add to your day, imagine all of the things you could get done?? Like, imagine. I could exercise, buy produce, text back my friends, visit home, learn how to drive stick, do my laundry, Imagine!!
but I actually do have those five hours, I just waste them. There’s so much shit on my to-do list that I’ll never do because it just feels normal to spend three hours in a row on my phone every night before I fall asleep. It feels good. I’m checking up with friends, reading the news, shopping online, reading gossip, staying informed- I’m getting cultured every time I go on social media, I can’t miss out on that.
so the conflict is always this; I’ve only had a smart phone for a few years. I was pretty late to the game, and honestly did pretty well for myself with just a flip phone. So it’s really not that hard for me to think back to just a few years ago, and how much more often I was out doing something just because I was ‘curious’ or ‘bored’ and didn’t have anything else to occupy me. I used to meet up with so many more people, and ask my friends to hangout with me and we actually would. I traveled more, was in better shape, and just felt like I was more my authentic self.
how many other people feel this way. Is this one of those cute millennial complexes where we remember **before iphones** and cannot compute or is this just how i feel, and another symptom of ‘i hate myself but it’s cute’
so i’m challenging myself to be more conscious of my social media use and ‘wasted’ phone consumption time. and! I can’t use my phone if I haven’t completely, both feet on the floor, gotten out of bed.
could you please rec some drarry fics? whatever ones you liked that come to mind :) i haven't read drarry in years
COULD I EVER
*HUGS YOU FOREVER FOR ASKING*
Okay so here’s some stuff (this is the “super recommended for everyone” list):
Beneath Boundless Skies - probs one of my absolutely fav fanfictions ever and, sad as it is, the sole cause of my life dream to live in australia for a bit. (It’s been 2 years. Life dream as persistent as ever. It’s a disaster.) Also contains the funniest line in a fanfiction I’ve ever read (Jon looked across the fire at Malfoy. “Seriously, Hannah, that’s the whitest whitefella I’ve ever seen,” he said, voice carrying.) but idk that’s probably my weird sense of humor. A really fun, but at times sad, fic. Fic summary: drarry + 8th year in australia. You can’t say no to that.
Said and Unsaid (or, The Value of Knowing When to Stop Talking) - from what I remember, this was just a really quality fic. I do remember that I read it all in one go, so it must have been good. Like the above - 8th year. Fic summary: (if I remember correctly) Draco decides to be sensible and keep his mouth shut for once. This greatly bothers Harry.
Amelioration - I know it’s April but there’s never a bad time for a drarry christmas fic. Really, there just isn’t. Fic summary: a christmas decoration contest. Between the houses. The ensuing chaos. Short, but really funny and witty.
Secrets - Long. Like 400k long. But so worth it. Fic summary: imagine the deathly hallows with drarry. With cute little drarry!family and everything. Such feels. I don’t even know how to sum it any other way because it’s so long and detailed. But comes really, really highly recommended.
Zero to Hero - yes, just yes. Fic summary: everyone is forced into a muggle play for muggle studies. I cannot tell you enough how funny this fic is. Blaise is priceless. Brilliant for any day when you want to regain faith in life.
Lonely Moon - EVERYONE EVER SHOULD READ THIS FIC. Fic summary: Harry comes back to Hogwarts to teach. Scorpius is a brilliant, lovable, dreamingly well-written little shit. His father is equally surprising. Teddy is also a little shit. Kid fic done well. Expect family feels. Just a really adorable fic with brilliant characterisations. Read this fic. You will not regret it. I promise.
Transfigurations - a very old fic, one of the first ones I ever read, and it was so good that it stuck out in my memory. What you’d call a ‘classic’, in my humble opinion. Fic summary: Harry comes to help re-open Hogwarts, which Voldemort has left a bunch of nasty presents in. Guess who’s also back. (*Eminem’s Without Me playing in the background.*)
Personals (appeal to me but may not be for everybody):
The Silent Auror - my favourite fanfiction ever. Fic summary: Harry is blind. But that’s okay. This fic was inspired by what happens to be one of my favourite fanarts also:
It’s a very short fic, but I have been quite inexplicably in love with it for a few years now. Please take a moment to read it.
Let me have you and I’ll let you save me - second favourite fic. Six thousand words of richly detailed, poetic drarry character study. Simply fantastic. Fic summary: (using the author’s summary) Draco keeps coming back, and Harry keeps letting him. Draco can’t stay away, and Harry can’t live without him. Frayach is a vastly talented writer. However, her work tends to be quite dark and mature. Not mature in a sexual nature (although that too), but rather that which is uncomfortably real, honest and thought provoking. Some of Frayach’s fics stayed on my mind for months. This is a really great fic. If nothing else on this list, read this. Be warned of some of her other fics though - she doesn’t fuck around with her warnings; they can be darker/more sexually graphic than many people would go for. If you like to be depressed though, read The March Potion.
The Waters of March - I can’t have a list without this fic on it, just because it was one of my first favourites. It just feels wrong, like forgetting one of your children at the supermarket, yanno? Fic summary: Draco now lives on the spell-damaged ward of St. Mungo’s. Harry can’t help visiting. Also, cream knee-high leather boots are a thing.
And if all that fails, or if you just want more, there’s always the classics and BNFs
I read Drop Dead Gorgeous by Maya (same one who penned Underwater Light - link is to a pdf of her complete works; she took all her stuff off the internet after she went pro) the other day and I forgot how technically proficient she was. Her plots are actually exciting, funny and not-predictable. Perfect if you like fanon/leatherpants!Draco, which sadly, is not to my taste (I’m that kind of sick person who, most of the time, likes their Draco Malfoy to be unpleasant and at least a tad cynical and sarcastic, on his high horse - you get the idea), but even so I really enjoyed reading this, which is saying something.
This list has already featured three works by Cheryl Dyson, but given that she’s penned 119 other works with a total of nearly 2 million words (like twice the Harry Potter series), it’s sort of excusable to rec her some more
Sara Holmes (author of State of Mind, Mental, Get Some)
Sara’s Girl (author of Turn (you know, the AU epic, the fic that people loved so much they got tattoos of it, that thing - nothing special, obviously…), Reparations/Foundations, Salt on the western wind) - also, is the key to success in this fandom to have ‘Sara’ in your writer’s name?
Friend like me by LadyVader, because everyone loves/cries over it. For good reason.
I feel like I better stop this list here before it gets truly out of control. I hope you enjoy reading some of these fics. If your heart still yearns for more, I have more and I will rec you more. I got fic flowing out of my ears. As ever, the drarry library is your best friend. Though they are inactive now, their archives are extensive.
it’s because we look roughly 22, so they think we might change our minds by 29 but uh joke’s on you motherfucker! i don’t! want kids!
I do think i look a little younger than 30 but this was a person who knows how old I am!! Either way tho I think maybe part of the problem is the very passive and gentle way I always say “Oh I’m not going to have kids.” I do that out of respect. I should start saying what I really feel, which is “the thought of having children is horrifying to me on a basic and primal level and I feel physically ill every time I try to so much as imagine even hypothetically why I would ever desire parenthood.”
18/4/17 - april’s here with a flourish of burnt orange. it’s exam season & god bless i’ve been hella busy ;-; i’ve been surviving off of gryphon tea my geography teacher gave me :) pretty tired these days because I’ve been getting roughly three hours of sleep a night sigh… anyway my first paper is tomorrow, here goes nothing?
author’s note: i really hope you like this! i tried my best to get the argument right and i’m not sure it’s to my potential. any and all feedback is appreciated:)
I clung onto my boyfriend’s shoulder as he tried to stand up from the couch. He laughed a little bit, prying my hands off of him. Although I played with him about him leaving me alone tonight, I was a little upset that he didn’t want to spend time with me. It’s not like we hang out every night. I’ve been in New York for three months and I finally get home and Daniel wants to go out with the boys he lives with. It just seemed a little bit fishy to me.
Daniel laughed again, “i love you but you have to let me go. i’m going to be late”
“don’t leave me” i whined, “come on please”
His face was giggly as he tried to walk towards the door but I frowned. He turned back around to face me. joking with me, “come on, (y/n), i thought you weren’t the clingy girlfriend”
So I was watching Season 17 episode 2 of South Park earlier today and there was a scene where all the kids were getting upset because their parental lock on the adults wasn’t working and the parents were ruining Minecraft. At one point Craig said “I spent three hours last night trying to get Tweek’s parents to stop griefing my castle! When I finally got away from them, I found they had taken all my dandelions!” Which made me think that Tweek’s parents were using a group server that was created by Craig, Tweek, and possibly Clyde, Token, and Jimmy. How else would they have messed with Craig’s Minecraft castle? So Craig and those guys have a group server that they all play Minecraft on, and I think that’s cute and awesome! ^-^
so as of last night, girl meets world au month is officially over, so it’s time to reveal what i was working on for it!
summary: i hit you with my car and was the only one to visit you in the hospital, this is sort of awkward are you okay? au
word count: 2.3k
In Lucas’ defense, she was jaywalking. In Lucas’ defense, she came out of nowhere. In Lucas’ defense… shit. Was she moving?
Lucas pushed his door open and hurried over to the side of the girl he just hit with his car. Oh god, he just hit someone with his car. Another car pulled to the side of the road and got out. Lucas could hear them start talking to 911.
He was trying to remember whether or not you’re supposed to move someone who was badly injured - hopefully not dead, please not dead - when she groaned and started to stir. His relief was palpable. She shifted, just enough so she was facing him. Lucas slid an arm around her back, trying to help her sit up. Her leg was bent at a very wrong-looking angle, but Lucas was more worried about the blood running along the side of her face.