We did it amigos. Another list! I am so grateful that you all are sharing your ideas to help inspire others (faith in humanity restored)
“Where is my fucking pudding?!”
“I thought we agreed to never use butter for that reason again…”
“Well if it’s the guy who never shuts up about toilet paper!”
“Honey, did you see my sniper rifle?”
“God damn it he died. Whatever. Just leave him there.”
“Listen, I know you’re upset, but please put down the baking soda before someone gets hurt.”
“Look, about the monkey…”
“I don’t understand! I only used a finger.”
“It’s not as hard as you think, I promise.”
“well this is what i call hell of a night”
“How could an entire school disappear?”
“What do you mean the brownies are "not quite brownies”?“
"Yes, I understand that its cool, but why does your toaster have wings?” “Well its alive of course. It flies.”
“Don’t turn that on!”
“Wait…I’m also- technically- underage and you’re a stranger…should I be screaming also?”
“I though you meant "literally” metaphorically. “
"Ok so don’t get mad but I might have started a war.”
“Good morning… I see the assassins failed again.”
“You’re a murderer, how are you working at a hospital?”
“That cat just stole my cereal!”
“Did you see that? Please tell me you saw it.”
“Hey, can you stop shooting people right now? We’re trying to sleep.”
“THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS KEITH!”
“If you think I’m leaving you and your demon eyes and evil horns you’re wrong.”
“What do you mean, this isn’t Earth?”
“Damn it, ____! Not peanuts again!”
“Why did I just press the big red button?”
“So tell me again why this dead body is being sent to Goodwill?”
“Lucifer, I know that we said we would share rent but you never said anything about your brother living with us.”
“God dammit, I’m supposed to be a bat! Why the hell am I a possum, Karen?!”
“Sarah, where’s the dog?” “Up in space?”
“You had only one job and it wasn’t even a difficult task, but seriously, how did you end up like this!?”
“Well I never said I WASN’T going to kill the bartender …”
“I mean, it was only a small eldritch being, so it wasn’t that bad…”
“Hold me back bro!”
“I think there’s a new lifeform evolving in my fridge.”
“WHAT THE FUCK?!”
“Can we have lunch now, or do you still want to continue looking at dead people?”
“I can’t believe you ate my cheese…we’re over”
“Sometimes I wonder why we’re still friends.” “Because I turned you into a cyborg after being shredded by an explosion and you owe me.” “…Fair enough.”
“Well, I didn’t quite expect to wake up pregnant either and yet… here we are, so can you please pass me that can of bread?”
“Ok, I know I said ‘You can throw a hairbrush at them’, but I didn’t actually mean it!”
“When I told you to feed the dog I didn’t expect you to feed him the neighbors cat.”
“Clearly, you’ve never gotten rid of a body before…”
“This sort of thing never happened when I was dating your brother.”
Sometimes, I wonder about you. And then I worry.“
” Wait, wait, wait, start from the very beginning. how did you manage to set the house on fire with that??“
"For fucks sake, dude, how many times do I have to tell you that that’s not what penises are for?”
“One woman’s terrorist is another woman’s freedom fighter.”
“This isn’t right… the humans shouldn’t be able to move on their own.”
“Why is unicorn blood on our shopping list?”
“Must you unhinge your jaw like that when you eat? It’s disgusting.”
“You’ve violated the law, my trust, and your friend. Tell me, why should I believe anything you say?”
“No, no don’t open the fridge, I need to keep they eyeballs cold.”
“did he break his jaw again by falling down a flight of stairs?” “Passive aggressive much?”
“For the last time, put the declaration of independence back!”
"That isn’t permanent, right?”
“You know, ripping someone’s beating heart right out of their chest with your bare hand looks cool in anime, but irl it’s just unsanitary…”
“She didn’t tell you” “Tell me what” “He’s dead”
“But his dad is an asshole–” “HIS AUTHOR IS AN ASSHOLE”
“You are here and you haven’t tried to kill me yet. You must want something from me.”
“The salesperson made a flying tentacle monster sound a lot more alluring, I swear!”
“Okay…the radiator just growled at me”
“Dude, were you listening to me? Why are you barking?” “I’m not barking. I thought YOU were barking!”
“How did you get that bump on your lip”
“Buddy. You need to chill, and put that knife away before I get out my gun.”
“ ” I dare you to take your shirt off" “ no” “ I doubledare you” “No” “I tripledare you” “ god dammit Steve , im not wearing a Shirt!”“
"Why the fuck are there founding fathers in our living room”
“Girls only say 'I will not dignify that with a response.’ when they’ve done the thing you’ve just accused them of.” “Do you know this, because you’ve done it?” “I will not dignify that with a response.”
“They think we’re terrible but really we’re only mediocre”
“You’d think by now we’d stop bringing death into these things. Look at them, they have anxiety!”
“Ok, first of all asshat, stop touching me. Second, that is never going to work out! Third, stop TOUCHING me.”
“So if I do understand, you’re telling me that you created insects robots. The same one that destroyed the city. ”
“Why is THIS in your fridge? This is some serious contraband.”
“Please tell me you’re joking about marrying the bastard’s son we call Satan.” “ Don’t talk about your mother like that!!”
“Did you explode the microwave again?!”
"Honey where’s the dog?” “Like I said, I’m making a smoothie.”
“Fifteen bucks you can’t hook up with Satan.” “Make it twenty.”
“I don’t know, maybe because he has some semblance of taste?
"What could possibly make you think eating three tons of cheese for the mice in radiation-test labs was okay?!”
“Who actually let the dogs out?”
“Hey, you don’t know how many bodies are buried in my backyard.”
“I told you to kill me.” “I did. Just this morning.” “Well, shit!”
“So… This isn’t the end, is it? I mean I still want to hang out with you at least. Maybe go for another space adventure, hm?”
“I’m sorry, it was the HEAT OF THE MOMENT,”
"Hey, wanna go out for a romantic moonlight killing spree?”
“So, you’re into …..? Huh, I never would’ve known.”
“Did you hear that scream?” “Yes, I’m the one who screamed”
“What are you doing?”
“But really, why would anyone need two dozen armadillos?”
“You can’t keep 'solving’ your problems by going to another dimension!”
“I still can’t believe you assassinated a unicorn.”
“Wait, you have FOUR knives?” “No, no. I have four knives ON me.”
“I’ve killed a man using only a copy of Hamlet and a computer mouse. I am NOT afraid of you!"
"What the hell are those?”
“Are you sure you’re not an arsonist?”
“I know, right? You’d suspect any of them of secretly being an alien, but not…”
“Why didn’t you stop?”
“So, start explaining why there are dozens of puppies in my guest room.”
Let’s make another list. Part 3! Leave a reply and don’t forget the double quotes “”.
I want to give everyone a chance to contribute to our community. So as always, one prompt per amigo. Dankje!
so alya told her to start flirting with adrien if she liked him so much, and the magazines give her step-by-step guides with 15 ~Chill~ Ways to Flirt With Your Crush Without Totally Embarrassing Yourself, so there’s no way this can go horribly wrong, right?
okay but marinette has to be realistic, when has anything ever gone right for her?
1. like their instagram and watch their snapchat: okay but marinette already does this, she follows all of adrien’s social media and collects his takes from photoshoots and knows his schedule, and honestly, there’s really nothing he does that she doesn’t know about it? the whole point of watching his snapchat and liking his instagram would be for him to notice her, but it’s not like she can tell him that she does this, because that would be creepy right? but for the most part she thinks she has this part down pat.
2. make eye contact: and this one is damn near impossible. every time she looks at adrien, and he looks back, her heart turns into a puddle and she wants to melt. but okay, the magazine said to make eye contact, so that’s maintain eye contact, right? don’t look away as soon as he catches her looking. okay, she tells herself. i can do this.
adrien and marinette spend the rest of the week in multiple staring contests. alya and nino are extremely confused, but the game catches on, and soon the whole class spends Madame Bustier’s lectures in staring contests with the rest of their classmates. there’s a running scoreboard, and chloe and alya are surprisingly good at the game, which isn’t that surprisingly at all considering how many glare-showdowns they’ve had throughout the year.
adrien just wants to beat marinette once, and how is it fair she’s so good at this??? marinette just wants to know why it’s not working; she hasn’t gone through dry eyes, blurry vision, and headaches for nothing. at this point, she’s read to pour Johnson’s No More Tears shampoo directly in her eyes to get them back to normal.
3. let your emojis do the talking: 🍆😛:eggplant: :yum:
alya sent it from marinette’s phone, and marinette is too busy dying to say anything about it. adrien still buys her eggplants for a month because he thinks they’re her favorite.
4. wave and say “hi” when they walk by: marinette had to quit when her over-aggressive wave nailed nino in the nose and broke it. alya called him “raccoon eyes” for weeks. it didn’t matter though, adrien didn’t even wave back (though it might have been because his best friend was bleeding on the school steps).
5. invite your crush to hang out as a group: seems easy enough, right? she invites alya, nino, and adrien over for a study group at her house, but alya and nino cancel at the last minute to give her “some alone time with adrien”. only it doesn’t work out that way because she’s forced to actually learn physics when adrien notices she had some troubles with it and tutors her for the rest of the night.
6. say something simple, then keep the conversation going: marinette had trouble talking to adrien in the first place, so it was a miracle if she even got something simple out. adrien saves her the trouble anyway when he complicates her cat sweater, but it doesn’t go the way she imagined because it devolves into a heated argument over whether chat noir or ladybug was better, and oh my god, how could she be arguing with her crush over how much she sucked?
7. remember what they tell you, and bring it up later: so adrien refuses to speak to her since she said ladybug sucked, and marinette is panicking internally 24/7. she makes him a hat to apologize because it’s summer and it’s blue, and when he asks her how she knew blue was his favorite color, she just smiles and tells him she read it in a magazine article.
adrien looks touched either way while marinette wishes she could sink through the floor because she’d gone nearly a whole year without adrien knowing she read magazine articles about him.
8. give them a sincere compliment:
adrien: “so what do we know about penguins already for this biology presentation?” marinette: “penguins are inefficient walkers…. they’re cute…. but not cuter than you.” adrien: “…thanks, marinette.”
adrien: “thanks, marinette. you’re so helpful.” marinette: “that’s me. i’m always helpful. i’ll always try to help you. you know, like… i’d totally hold a revolving door for you. i know that’s counterproductive, but you’re worth it.”
adrien: “god, they never get all the makeup off after a shoot.” marinette: “you know, i would really be okay with seeing you without makeup. that’s how much i like you.” adrien: “what?” marinette: “what?”
9. casually touch their arm when you’re talking: marinette casually strokes adrien’s arm during their next study session. adrien: “… why are you touching my arm?” marinette: “i’m checking the seam work.” adrien: “….that’s my skin though.” marinette: “shh, don’t disrupt a designer at work.”
10. offer them a fry: okay, but marinette doesn’t particularly like fries, so she figured she’d find another way to work this in. it happens one morning while she’s about to go to town on her croissant when she overhears adrien mentioning to nino that he’d forgot his breakfast, so she shoves the food in front of him and rushes away. alya can’t stop laughing at agreste’s startled expression when marinette shoved a croissant in his face without prompt. regardless, alya shares her own breakfast when marinette admits she didn’t have anything else to eat.
11. give them something thoughtful: marinette buys adrien a ladybug-spotted scarf because she knows he likes the superhero. he protests when she gives it to him, but she just shrugs and said she owed him one anyway after dissing his favorite superhero before.
the next day he gives her a matching chat noir one.
12. tease them: she can barely keep a straight face when she teases adrien in front of nino and alya about always smelling like camembert. she even buys him three cheese wheels one day, but he only flushes darkly as he shoves them in his bag. she wants to apologize in case she hurt his feelings, but later that day, she notices that the cheese is gone.
man, he must really like his cheese, she thinks in awe, and spends the rest of the day trying to figure out why adrien kept glaring at his bag during class.
13. steal their hat and put it on your head: adrien doesn’t wear hats, so she stole nino’s instead. adrien spent the rest of the day trying to set her up with his best friend.
14. ruffle their hair: marinette ruffles adrien’s hair when she walks into the classroom one morning. some strands end up tangled in her bracelet, and the two spend the remainder of class in the nurse’s office as she tries to cut them loose.
15. sit in their lap: marinette is a little hesitant to try this one, but alya ends up taking matters into her own hands and pushes marinette into adrien’s lap one day while the three of them and nino were visiting a cafe for lunch. marinette is flustered and apologizes profusely, and she finally finds the courage to look into his eyes. but instead of angry!agreste, she seems wide, shocked green eyes as adrien begins to laugh uncontrollably. marinette starts to giggle and shakes her head and it’s not until she looks at him again that she realizes… this whole situation seems really familiar…
“…chat noir?” she asks suddenly.
“what?” adrien asks.
“what?” alya asks.
“what?” nino asks.
“oh my god,” marinette says and dies.
Needless to say, flirting was not her forte. But hey, she still got the man in the end, right? …. alright, it’s a work and progress, but still.
upon a time I worked for a fast food company. I actually enjoyed
working there during HS but knew it wasn’t a long-term gig. I was
heading to college in the fall. We had our fair share of irrational
customers and I usually handled the BS pretty calmly.
Then one day a lady comes in and orders light cheese on her meal. I
am at the cash register so I only take the order I don’t make the food
but I specified light cheese. She comes up after receiving her food and
complains that there is too much cheese on her food. I look in the
wrapper and there are like 5-7 pieces of shredded cheese, normally there
would be twice that, and personally I’m of the opinion that she could
just remove the extra cheese but I take the food back and have them
remake it. I ask them to only put only like three pieces of shredded
cheese on her food.
The lady loses her mind. She comes up to the counter screaming at me
that there is still too much cheese on her food and that “your job is so
easy anyone could do it.” Without missing a beat I reach under the
counter where the applications are kept and bring one up and slide it
towards her and say “We’re hiring.”
At this point the manager has come to the front of the store and is
taking over the situation. I’m told to go on break and when I returned
everyone was laughing and couldn’t believe I had done that. Seeing the
look on her face was priceless.
When Virgil came to, he was lying on his back on the couch, and the others were leaning over him, peering down at him anxiously.
He stiffened, startled, and in the scant seconds before memory returned, half a dozen panicked thoughts raced through his head: what do they want what did I do why are they here what’s wrong what’s wrong what’s happening what’s wrong?
Then it came back in a mortifying rush, and he realized what had happened: he’d fainted. He’d actually fucking fainted. Right after–right after admitting–
“Oh, God,” Virgil groaned, bringing his hands up to cover his face.
“Virgil. You’re awake,” Logan said, and there was no mistaking the relief in his voice.
SOME OF MY FAVOURITE GERMAN WORDS & EXPRESSIONS PART II
Because of the great feedback on PART I, have some more!
haargenau - exact, meticulous (lit.: hair-exact) seinen Senf dazugeben - to put one’s oar in (lit.: to add one’s mustard) jmd geht der Arsch auf Grundeis (vulg.) - sb is scared shitless (lit.: sb’s butt touches the bottom ice) sich den Kopf zerbrechen - to think very hard about something (lit.: to break one’s head) jemandem etwas aus der Nase ziehen - to have to worm sth out of sb (lit.: to pull sth out of sb’s nose) im Dreieck springen - to be really angry, to be hopping mad (lit.: to jump in a triangle) am Zahnfleisch daher kommen - to barely manage something (lit.: to arrive on one’s gums) jemandem etwas hinterherwerfen - to make sth easy for sb (lit.: to throw sth after sb) rumwurschteln - to mess about (lit.: to sausage around) das ist mir Wurst - I don’t care (lit.: that is sausage to me) der Krimskrams / Schnickschnack - stuff Löcher in die Luft starren - to stare into space with boredom (lit.: to stare holes into the air) die beleidigte Leberwurst spielen - to pout, to sulk (lit.: to play the offended liver sausage) einen Vogel haben - to be (a little) crazy (lit.: to have a bird) die Extrawurst - special treatment (lit.: extra sausage) der Angsthase - coward, someone who’s easily frightened (lit.: fear-rabbit) einen Zahn zulegen - to get a move on, to step it up a notch (lit.: to add a tooth) der Hosenscheißer (vulg.)- coward (lit.: pants-shitter) der Dreikäsehoch - a small child (lit.: three-cheeses-high) die Nase voll haben - to have had enough (lit.: to have the nose full) über seinen Schatten springen - to step out of one’s comfort zone (lit.: to jump over one’s shadow)
I think I’ve seen some discussion about how Viktor is this easily distracted, childish man, and that Yuuri would be this guiding, logical figure.
Let’s also remember that Yuuri is a medalist in spontaneous decisions.
“I was at the deli counter for five minutes,” Viktor says in disbelief. It’s their off day, which means going to the store for groceries.
“They,” Yuuri stares down at the objects littering their formerly empty shopping cart. Strange fruits. Three sponges. Mac n cheese. Oreos, which are definitely not in their meal plan. Ribbons. Children’s toothpaste. “…They were on sale?”
Viktor blinks at him for a moment. His husband starts going red.
“The ribbons would look good in Makkachin’s hair,” Viktor says, finally. “Is that what you thought?”
Yuuri nods. “Or maybe…yours?” Effortlessly, without even looking, he knocks a box of Lucky Charms cereal from the shelf into the cart. Viktor’s heart swells traitorously.
“You’ve found some treasure, haven’t you,” the cashier comments as she scans their hodge-podge of items. ALL of their items.
“I have,” Viktor agrees, with a peck to Yuuri’s forehead.
5 Films That Will Inspire You to Leave Animals off the Menu
1. Earthlings Inspiring countless people to ditch meat, this 2005 documentary narrated by famed actor Joaquin Phoenix explores our relationship with non-human animals, including those used in food production.
2. Forks Over Knives Struggling with heart disease? Looking to reduce your risk of cancer? This film details the health benefits of a plant-based diet, including reduced risk and even reversal of most chronic diseases.
3. Speciesism: The Movie This film addresses the core concepts of Peter Singer’s seminal book, Animal Liberation, with a touch of much-needed humor.
4. Cowspiracy Released just last year, this documentary explains how our meat-heavy diets impact everything from climate change and species extinction to land and water wastage. You’ll never look at meat the same way again.
5. Vegucated This film documents three meat- and cheese-loving New Yorkers on their journey towards a vegan diet, including the often humorous challenges they face along the way.