thousand years dungeon

vamytas  asked:

☆ HE'S BEEN A BAD BOY ..

The Discovery Cube, sounds like some fucked up torture device.” 

“YOU sound like some fucked up torture device,” the elder Toreador shoots back before walking over the hanging bridge. “I have to admit, I am really let down by this childrens museum.” Their head snaps around as the other snorts and they quickly go to defend themselves. “NO REALLY. Look there are actually really decent children’s museums in Michigan and Indiana, buildings that are 5 stories tall. The one in Indianapolis has an upper floor with an entire construction area in it. I could have used the giant crane to bury you in fake rocks.” 

Again the other toreador laughs. “That’s your idea of fun in a kids museum?” He lights up a cigarette and blows smoke up at them. “Thought we’d at least get up to something a bit naughty. Tagging the walls with johnsons maybe.” 

“Pelting you with rocks is fun.” 

“At least get a little randy for the night guards sake.” With a thump the elder lands right in front of Alex. Grabbing the front of his shirt they drag him down to their height and close their mouth around his cigarette, removing it from between his teeth before swallowing it. 

“…that’s gross.” 

“You’re going in the discovery cube.” 

“wha-!!!” The older toreador lifts the younger above their head and begins to march towards said beeping cube of learning. 

“NAUGHTY CHILDREN WILL BE SENTENCED TO THE DISCOVERY CUBE ALEX.” 

izzythehutt  asked:

Admiral Piett looking terrified for his life the whole movie makes me laugh. You made it through two movies, buddy! Good job.

I just want to like publicly acknowledge that Piett is the cutest of the war criminals (who, as I have previously mentioned, are now all my fascist genocidal sons)?? He spends all of ESB  looking like he’ll pee a little if Vader turns around too fast. Then he gets to be Vader’s fave because if he has anything stupid to say about the Force he keeps that shit to himself (unlike SOME PEOPLE, MOTTI

And then when he gets a glimpse of how utterly Vader’s shit is wrecked but he keeps that knowledge on lockdown, which probably saves his life– I still maintain that Vader murdered that trooper in DV #2 not just because he saw his face but because he was sympathetic. DON’T PITY VADER, THE MAJESTIC SITH JEWEL, he is fine this is fine. Piett probably sends some ensign to the brig for ten thousand years dungeon when he overhears him cracking wise about Vader’s life support. YOU SHOULD ALL ASPIRE TO GET YOUR SHIT WRECKED IN A VOLCANO AND THEN GET BACK UP AND MURDER ALL THE JEDI FOR THE GLORY OF THE EMPIRE. But let’s be real Piett also definitely peed during that entire conversation out of combination of fear of Lord Vader’s wrath and awe at Lord Vader’s indestructableness. 

[On a related note, have we ever talked about how intensely desperate Vader must have been for Luke news if he was ready to open up his sphere before his helmet was all the way back on?? Even if he doesn’t care about his ~image~ (I disagree but I concede is a valid interpretation) he could do some serious harm to himself/his lungs/whatever. He like half falls out of his hyberbaric chamber like son??? where son??? you find??? for me??? bABY?!?!] 

idk I just really like Piett, I wish the fanfic trend of him being Vader’s little buddy and sympathetic ear would come back. Look at my sons, they should all be in jail. 

Those fucking feminists ruined home-cooked meals, man. Like, I’d still be getting fed like a king if women just knew what they were supposed to do.
—  Second-year Engineering student, submitted by sophrosynic

Guy cheats on a woman and she smashes in all his car windows and windshield with a golf club, shreds all his clothes, and burns his house down: YOU GO GURL! SHOW THAT MAN! HE HURT YOU AND HE DESERVES IT! PROPERTY DAMAGE AINT NO THANG

Girl cheats on a man and he locks her in a car with a box of cockroaches: THIS IS ABUSE THIS IS LITERALLY RAPE MURDER THIS MAN SENTENCE HIM TO TEN THOUSAND YEARS IN COCKROACH DUNGEON