I have a busy, fulfilling life. I have much about which to be proud. “Then why," I always wonder to myself, "I feel so stressed out and unhappy?”

I am young, working outside. But why no matter how many hours there are in a day and how much I am able to accomplish them, I still feel like there is always more to be done. I spend my days being pushed and pulled in so many different directions some days Im unsure if I am coming, going, or left. I feel tired all the time, not physically. Obviously I am not alone. And sleep is simply not a priority. Even when I do set aside more time for sleep. I find myself tossing and turning, replaying my day, thinking about what I should have done or could have do better? Am I lonely? But there’s a big difference between being alone and feeling lonely. Fck I really dont know. I guess I need to enjoy the moment I am in and stop worrying about an hour, a day, a week from now. I should not worry about what comes next.

24th of Feb, 2013. Life.

Do you ever meet a person, that is just not your kind and you dont like them, But then you’re forced to spend time with them and start to think “oh (s)he is actually not that bad” and you become friends, but then the person says something other people may not even notice, but it drives you crazy and you just sit here like “wow thank you for reminding me why I didnt like you”?

i wonder if you’re thinking about me. i wonder if you’re facing the chaos like me, with my own inexperienced and naive tactics. i could tell you about my fear to evolve, you could help me grow. i wonder how you feel when you touch me. i wonder if you too can’t manage thounghts. please, we lower the music. read me a little poem that alludes to you. show me the points of pleasure and do not be silent if you’re sick. i am full, of you and not you. i am full of signs of your existence, but none of these signs contain your essence. i wonder if you too would like to surround me as i want to surround myself with you. and no. simply. i can no longer control the situation. the situation of my fellings and your. i would like to align our size. i would like to create our equator. but, please, tell me why you prefer to keep order among us. order, roles, rigidity. you have to get out of your level of aesthetic perfection and rhetorical language. you have to show me what lies beyond the threshold of your seriosness. if there is confusion, i am already in love. i don’t want a stable structure. i just want to know you’re offering me only your authenticity. i do not want books, i do not want records, i do not want the things that you no longer know what to do. (i can not refuse. because you will feel rejected) but i do not want the frame. i want the core. i want to hear, listen, love. without calculaion and programming. ask me again, gently. 
what is stopping me? my bipolar desire. close everything now, before the big emotional disaster. or, get inside your life, with my life, and have no more boundaries. 

Black Triangle Sighting in Toms River, New Jersey on June 13th 1995 - Triangle shape in heavy fog . at first thounght it was a blimp but it was silent.then I know this was nothing I had ever seen #UFOS #OVNIS