thoughtsok

I fucking hate not being able to sleep early anymore. Now I sleep at 7am everyday. At first it was fun, I had friends stay up but now I just hate wasting the summer day sleeping.

3

These are my grandparents.

If you guys never saw this post I made along time ago, I’m going to tell you what happened.

So here’s the story about my grandparents. I call my grandma Nanay and my grandpa Tatay. It was just an ordinary night. I heard the garage and my dad & auntie left to go somewhere. I didn’t know where they were going to go but I knew my dad, he wont leave us like that. I knew they were going to come back so I just went to sleep. Next morning, I got a call from my dad telling me that he’s in the hospital. I asked him why & where he went last night. He told me he went to my Nanay’s house to pick her up to go to the hospital because she was puking a lot. I got scared because I didn’t want anything happen to her. I didn’t get to see her that day. I really wanted to see her. A few days later, I was just watching T.V and I see my aunt crying. She comes up to me & my sisters telling us that Nanay has colon cancer. I didn’t expect that to happen.. Now, I was dying to see her. My uncle drove us to go see her at the hospital. We went to this room & when I walked in, I saw my dad, my uncle, my aunt, my Tatay, and a few other people. They were all crying. only 2 people can see Nanay at the same time so I had to wait. Finally, it was my turn. When I went in, I saw my Nanay in a hospital bed with lots of tubes around her. She had her eyes closed. They told me she was awake & that she could hear me but she couldn’t talk back. It was just me and my cousin, Trisha in there. We had to go, but I wanted to stay a little longer but we had to let my sisters in. We stayed at the hospital until 9pm. My dad and aunt slept over there to check up on Nanay. Everyday, we would go and visit her. A month later, she could finally talk. She said that she likes it when we come and visit her. She says that it’s so boring in there and all she does is just look at the clock. haha. A few months later, she came home for the first time. I was so happy! After school, I would go and visit her. She still has to learn how to walk again and stuff because of surgeries. She would have therapy like twice a week. Finally, she was up back on her feet. Now, she is loosing lots of her hair. The feeling is coming back to me. All the pain.. I don’t want to see my Nanay like this.. She took care of my when I was little. She was there for me when my mom wasn’t. Even if I didn’t show my love for her before, I did love her. I regret saying “I hate you” to her. I regret not being thankful for having her in my life. So now, it’s my turn to take care of her. I pray that Tatay will stay strong. I don’t want him to feel lonely.. & I pray for Nanay to stay strong also. So remember, be careful what you say. You’ll regret it later on.

I love you Nanay. I always will.

Don't butt into people's relationships.

I hate it when people do that. You’re not in that relationship & it’s none of your business, so stay out of it. You know they’re taken so stop flirting with them. Just stay out of the relationship because that relationship doesn’t involve you.

I'm not your second choice.

I’m not your “back-up plan”. You only notice me when everyone else doesn’t. I just want to be someone’s first choice for once.

Sometimes I want to be a guy.

I don’t have to shave my legs, I wont have to take long washing my hair in the shower, I wouldn’t care about ruining my underwear because of my period, I wouldn’t have to hold a baby in my stomach for 9 months and give birth. Sometimes I just want to be a guy.