thoughts and comments welcome

How to Connect Through Open Body Language

1. Be sensitive to body space. Don’t stand too far away from the person, or fold your arms across your chest. That sends the message “I don’t want to get close”. At the same time, don’t invade the person’s space – as standing too close is highly threatening.

2. Maintain steady but soft eye contact. If you avert your gaze that says you’re insecure; but staring for too long is intimidating. Eye contact should be confident and comfortable.

3. Invite the other person into your thought processes. Share your ideas, and think aloud. Also, welcome their comments – and don’t just brush them off.

4. Watch out for quick and stilted body movements as those create discomfort in relationships. Instead, run your hand through your hair, or use your hands when you talk as that creates a more dynamic interaction.

5. Related to this, minimise distracting movements like biting your nails as those usually turn the other person off.

6. Speak slowly and clearly in a varied and interesting voice.

7. Express emotions through your face as that makes you seem much more genuine.

8. Match your pace to the other person’s pace. If they are slow and hesitant then slow your pace down; if they are quick and lively then try and match that pace.

Translating Libfem to Radfem and vice versa

So, I’m getting pretty tired of seeing radfems and libfems/trans activists/radqueers* have conversations which devolve into arguments on the basis that they are using the same words to mean entirely different things.  Sometimes it’s like watching people trying to argue using two different languages and then they both get really angry when it doesn’t work out.  It’s controversial to say, but I believe that radfems and trans activists might actually agree on more than they’d expect if they could figure out how to see eye to eye.
So I’m trying to compile a list here of terms that I see radfems and trans activists use in entirely different ways.

Please note: all definitions included here are based on my own understandings of how these words seem to be used.  If you disagree with how I’m defining them, or would like to add some of your own, please please comment and add your thoughts.  I welcome discussion (but please keep it civil).

*I know these are three groups with distinctions, however, ideologically, I’m going to group them here because there seems to be enough overlap to do so, and they are all presented as opposition to radical feminist views.  I will use the term “trans activists” to represent all three of them, because trans activism tends to be the focus of these conversations.

Let’s start with Gender:

  • To radfems, the word gender means gender roles.  It is the hierarchical system created by men to control women.  The treatment you receive under this system is based on your biological sex.  You cannot opt out of it on the basis of personal identity.  This is not a system that can be reclaimed or fixed as it is built on oppression and inequality, so it must be destroyed.
  • To trans activists, gender is personal expression.  At its loosest, it can mean anything you want it to mean, but I think generally means how you view yourself as fitting within (or without) gendered expectations on the basis of personal expression/personal identity.  Because gender is based on how you view yourself as opposed to how others view you, it can easily be changed on a whim.

Female/Male and AFAB/AMAB (or variations thereof):

  •   When radfems say female they mean pretty much the exact same thing as what trans activists mean when they say AFAB 
  • These terms both denote the biological sex characteristics an individual is born with
  • To radfems, biological sex is immutable, if you are born a sex that is the sex you die
  • I’m not 100% sure about this one, but trans activists do seem to think that you can change your biological sex
  • A note to trans activists: female/male are, in fact, biological terms used to describe sex used across the animal kingdom, so when radfems use it, they are describing a biological state
  • A note to radfems: female/male are, in fact, often used as the adjectival form of woman or man.  It’s pretty common for someone to say “she is female” in lieu of “she is a woman”.  So when you say “trans women cannot be female” many trans activists hear “trans women are not women*” which is a pretty central tenant of their ideology  

*I understand that many radfems do argue this, but this post is just trying to clear up differences in terminology not actually solve disputes.  I’m not nearly good enough for that.

Socialisation

  • When radfems use the terms socialisation they basically mean the way in which a person is treated based on how others perceive them and the ways in which that treatment affects their development and actions as a person 
    • So when a radfem says that a trans woman received male socialisation, they are basically saying that the trans woman grew up being perceived as a boy by others and therefore was treated as a boy
    • This treatment can be incredibly nuanced and subtle and affects every part of a person’s life and interactions with others
  •  I’m not actually sure how trans activists define this one, but it seems pretty clear from their reactions that there is some miscommunication in connection with this term.  If anyone wants to chime in on the trans activists’ definition here, please do. My best guess is the ways in which people interact with the more explicit elements of gendered expectations.  So if a child chooses to play with barbies that is female socialisation regardless of their biological sex.

Cis

  • So this one is tricky because it means a variety of things across the board and part of the problem is there is no real consistent definition
  • At its most basic, it simply means someone who is not trans 
  • However, since the libfem definition of what it means to be trans is pretty loose and seems to include anyone who chooses to identify themselves as trans with no other qualifiers it can be hard to define what cis means in relation to that 
    • Honestly, what trans means is a post in itself and not one I feel qualified to make.  Especially taking into account the differences in dynamics of binary and non-binary trans people 
  • When radfems oppose the use of the word cis they tend to do so in reaction to the definition which means identifies with the gender roles associated with their birth sex.  Since radfems view gender as a harmful concept, especially to women, they tend to argue that no woman identifies with her oppression and, therefore, they reject the word

This list is just a start, but I hope it’s something that can be talked about and considered in the ever evolving discourse.  My ultimate aim with this is to ask both radfems and libfems, trans activists, and radqueers to be sympathetic to the fact that the other may have a different understanding of some of the words that you are using, and that if you ignore that fact, you may just be arguing yourself in circles.

As I said above.  This key is based on my own personal observations of how these terms tend to be used.  So if you disagree with any of my definitions, or if you want to add your own terms to the list, please, by all means do so.

essential hq hogwarts au questions you need to ask yourself
  • in terms of their character portrayal can oikawa be called a muggleborn and kageyama a pureblood?
  • can karasuno be called gryffindor, aobajosai -slytherin, nekoma - ravenclaw and fukurodani - hufflepuff?
  • would ushijima corner gryffindor oikawa and suggest he comes to slytherin?
  • would iwaizumi be a dueling champion? would he take the care for magical creatures? would he prevent oikawa eating all chocolate filled with love potion or would he just watch him fall into the trap?
  • would kenma’s hair be a consequence from an unfortunate accident of being paired up with lev during charms practice?
  • would BOKUTO’S hair be the result of him blowing up his cauldron all the time??
  • would suga be the one who is best friends with house elves and bring snacks with him to the common room?
  • would kenma know every secret door, stair and passage in the castle? would he wonder around them, playing with spells, and get lost, only for kuroo to always find him?
  • would akaashi take the divination class? muggle studies? ancient ruins? all of them? or is akaashi the top of his transfiguration class? what’s his favourite subject?
  • would oikawa be singing in the choir?
  • would kuroo’s cat and bokutp’s owl get in epic fights with each other?
  • would ushijima walk in the room of requirements by accident to see a nutritious garden full of fruits and vegetables??
7

Eliza - preview | install | customization guide

Some features:

  • responsive layout
  • header image
  • left/right sidebar option
  • 540/700px wide post option
  • show/hide tags on index page
  • Disqus

HAHA, ABOUT TIME I FINISHED THIS. This kind of feels like a mashup of my three other themes, but  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ One of my main focuses this time around was usability, and finding the balance between being feature-rich and also simple to use. I’m not quite sure if I’ve succeeded, so I welcome any thoughts/comments you may have on that!

Questions can be directed to my support blog; customization requests may not be answered, depending on complexity.

And lastly, Eliza is named after Eliza Hamilton, from Hamilton: An American Musical, a major creative inspiration over the past few months.

The lying detective ideas

Again I’m mainly doing this to organize my thoughts but anyone is welcome to comment or edit.

First off something is still really off. I still think that tst was unreliable narrating. I also still think Mary is not dead. I don’t necessarily think she was holding john hostage like I did before but I don’t think she’s dead. I think some weird shit went down at the aquarium and I was hoping to find out in tld but I guess we will (hopefully) find out in tfp. I think the Mary we saw today was obviously part of johns imagination, which is really important. It shows that he’s actually really smart. A lot smarter than most people give him credit for. But it also showed him being able to live on from Mary. After the hug he doesn’t see her anymore, he’s able to move on now ready to be ok with his feelings and be with Sherlock. Next I think there’s divinely something going on with the TD12 drug. Maybe john and Sherlock and others are having it given to them without their knowledge, which I don’t think is a far leap given thob. Maybe some of the plot could’ve been altares by this memory drug but honestly I’m not really sure what is and isn’t real. Then the part when Sherlock was saying he didn’t want to die. That was super important. That to me at least showed that he realized he needs to start treating himself better. He needs to value his life. He needs to wake up and realize people love him and care about him. This realization was hinted at through the whole episode one major example being the night with ‘faith’. Then the hug. That was the best thing I have ever witnessed. That was all I ever wanted from this show if I couldn’t get a kiss but I know we’re going to get the kiss. I have a feeling that was real. That was definitely real. They finally are talking they finally are ready to be together. Irene was only thrown in for Sherlock to say he doesn’t respond showing he doesn’t love her she was thrown in for john to yell at him and tell him to take his chance because he might loose it and then for Sherlock to not respond to her but take his chance with john and hold him. Then we’re left with euros (is that how you spell it?)/the therapist/'faith’. I don’t think she’s Sherrinford. Im still not certain if sherrinford is a person or place though I did just read a compelling theory that it’s the mental institute that she’s Euros is staying at. The theory basically says that the person she was in a relationship with was helping her out by telling Mycroft she was secure when she really wasn’t. To me that was a really cool idea! I’m not quite certain about it but It would be super cool if it happened. I don’t know what her relation with moriarty is… if she’s the real moriarty who hired James or if she’s working for him…I kinda like the former. Obviously john isn’t dead. I don’t know what happened. Maybe Sherlock showed up and saved him. Maybe Mycroft. Maybe Mary? Maybe she doesn’t actually pull the trigger? Maybe the gun wasn’t loaded. I don’t know but he’s obviously alive. Anyway I’ll end it like my last one johnlock will be cannon. We’ve got the longest week ahead of us we just need to believe. That sounds so cheesy but I don’t really care. Something’s fucky and johnlock is going to be cannon. When in doubt remember love conquers all and the hug! I’ll probably be making edits as I read more theories just wanted to get something out there.

flickr

Lamborghini Aventador Roadster Pirelli Edition by Jack de Gier
Via Flickr:
Any thoughts about this Pirelli Editon .. ?! Your comment is very welcome .. !

The Perks of Moving In

TITLE: The Perks of Moving In

ONE SHOT / MULTICHAPTER: one shot

AUTHOR : tomcuddlesfic

WHICH TOM/CHARACTER: Actor Tom

GENRE: fluff / romance /

FIC SUMMARY: Tom learns the perks of having his girlfriend move in into his flat.

RATING: T

AUTHORS NOTES/WARNINGS: Thought of this because of moi. Haha don’t judge me. Comments are welcome!

Keep reading

As tradition demands, here we go with another special for the burners among you (and not only!).
For 2 years we’ve been working on goggles that would have the lowest frames possible, the lightest build and the most comfortable fit we could achieve by now. These will fit into the palm of your hand or your pocket. At the same time, providing double protection for your eyes area, meaning the lenses plus the mild steel bars.
As for the Burning Man, we wanted to make goggles that will be a bit more practical and casual, if you will. With a wider field of view, minimized tunneled vision effect, something that can be worn and removed in a zip.
More gritty, aggressive and post-apocalyptic.

How to Connect Through Open Body Language

1. Be sensitive to body space. Don’t stand too far away from the person, or fold your arms across your chest. That sends the message “I don’t want to get close”. At the same time, don’t invade the person’s space – as standing too close is highly threatening.

2. Maintain steady but soft eye contact. If you avert your gaze that says you’re insecure; but staring for too long is intimidating. Eye contact should be confident and comfortable.

3. Invite the other person into your thought processes. Share your ideas, and think aloud. Also, welcome their comments – and don’t just brush them off.

4. Watch out for quick and stilted body movements as those create discomfort in relationships. Instead, run your hand through your hair, or use your hands when you talk as that creates a more dynamic interaction.

5. Related to this, minimise distracting movements like biting your nails as those usually turn the other person off.

6. Speak slowly and clearly in a varied and interesting voice.

7. Express emotions through your face as that makes you seem much more genuine.

8. Match your pace to the other person’s pace. If they are slow and hesitant then slow your pace down; if they are quick and lively then try and match that pace.

This was in response to today’s reaction post to “Celery Soda.”

Here was my take on it and I’d like to hear what other people thought too.

Harriet cringes and looks back at Emma as she’s mentioning the soda and the elderly neighbor. I thought she was looking for either a cue or encouragement. I immediately through that it was some bs story Emma convinced her to tell.

When Emma is alone again she says something about marriages being founded on worse lies. And she mumbles something about the soda. iirc. I can’t go review the video. It’s 3 AM and my laptop is about to poop out and I have to go to bed.

So who wants to weigh in?

Chapter Seventy Two

A/N: As always, please feel free to let me know what you think. Your comments and thoughts are always welcomed and appreciated! 

***********

Alex couldn’t keep up with the crowd that had surrounded her as she was pulled from the track. She tripped on her feet each time she tried to pull away from the hands that held her, from the people that were taking her farther and farther away from her husband. Her eyes were frantic and scattered and scared as she looked around, trying to understand what was going on around her.

“Stop! Stop! Please…” Her broken words fell on deaf ears and tears fell from her eyes as she struggled harder. “Why are you doing this? Let me…”

“Alex! Stop pushing her for Christ’s sake!”

The hands that had been holding her loosened and Alex’s head snapped around at the familiar voice and she only began to cry harder as Mia ran up to her, the impact of what she had just seen slamming into her in a rush. “Mia! Mia, please! Tell them I have to go to Harry! I have to…”

Keep reading