though i should share

2

Sergio loves playing with Iker’s ears. Pass it on.

Wanderlust

Prompt: “She was a nomad at heart. Unlike him, she didn’t need to have a place to call home.” Told in Lin’s POV.

Pairing: Lin x reader

A/N: I’m glad I got this out in time for V-day! Though I’m not as satisfied as I should be, I decided to share it with you guys. Hope you guys enjoy it!



Lin was going to do it tonight.

He had the support from his family, friends, and even some random old lady on the subway he told last week.

He was partnered up with Y/N in an acting class during his Sophomore year of college. The second her eyes landed on him and she gave him her million-dollar smile, he should have known he was doomed.

He and Y/N became fast friends and spent every single waking moment together. They would text each other at night, have breakfast and coffee in the morning, head to class, and then do whatever the hell they pleased until it was time to go home.

Junior year they met each other’s parents. Y/N had her mother’s looks, but everything else about her was her father. Her personality, the way she carried herself, her love for travel and adventure… it all came from him. And of course, his parents loved her. They called her their daughter and fed her bottomless stomach with food whenever they would visit.

Senior year, even though they were both stressed and drowning in exams and projects, they managed to find time for each other. It helped that she was practically living with him. She cleared space in his tiny closet for her clothes, left her toiletries in his bathroom, and slept in his bed. Somehow, she managed to book small affordable getaways, either in nearby states where she would drag him around and explore the city or a “staycation” in New York where she would show him things even he, a native, haven’t even heard of before.

It was during a random night in the middle of the semester, where she was cramming for an exam that was in the morning, that he realized how much he really loved her. He sat in the kitchen across from her, papers sprawled on the table and his laptop in front of him, watching as she began to doze off. The pencil in her hand fell to the table with a thump and he chuckled when her head began to bob, drifting further into the calls of sleep.

“Time for bed,” Lin whispers, getting up and going over to her side.

As he pulled her up from her seat by her hand, she began to protest. “No,” she yawns, rubbing her eyes.

“You need sleep,” Lin urged, pulling her towards his bedroom.

“But I need to study,” she whined, but let him lead her to bed.

“I’ll wake you up early in the morning so you can study,” Lin smiles, opening up the duvet and helping her inside.

Just as he was about to turn and leave, she stops him by grabbing the sleeve of his hoodie.

“Stay with me, please?”

Her question tugged at his heartstrings.

She scooted over to make room for him and kept the duvet open to let him in. Lin’s smile gets bigger, and with a defeated sigh, slips in beside her. She immediately attaches to him, tucking herself under his chin and swung her leg over him. She was asleep within seconds.

Lin stared at the ceiling, heart hammering against his chest.

He wanted this every day for the rest of his life.

He wanted to come home to her, sleep next to her, be with her…

Lin wanted it all and more.

And today, after months and months of suppressing it, he was going to tell Y/N. Even if she didn’t feel the same, he had to do it. So what if the little hope he’s built after overanalyzing every conversation, every single touch, every unspoken word he’s had with her is crushed?

At least he gave it a shot.

“Lin! I have exciting news!” Y/N came rushing in the bar full of graduates, graduation cap still pinned to her head and heels clicking with every step.

Lin spreads his arms open and she runs forward, squeezing him tightly.

She draws back, eyes gleaming with excitement, and grabs his hands. She jumps up and down, not able to contain her excitement.

“I got the job!” she squeals.

Lin’s heart drops.

“The job?” he echoes.

“The job for The National Geographic, silly! How could you forget?”

He didn’t forget.

It was the freelance journalism job with The National Geographic.

She was going to be whisked away from New York, away from her home, her family, him

“Oh my god, Lin! They left a voicemail earlier today and they said they want to fly me out to Australia tomorrow. Can you believe it? Australia!”

“Australia…” Lin whispers, throat feeling tight.

He felt as if the floor was going to slip from under him. She was finally going to travel the world and experience all the things she’s dreamed of, but he felt so devastated.

She lunges forward, hugging him again.

“I’m so happy!”

Lin lifted his trembling hands to embrace her.

“Me too.”

The rest of the night passed by in a haze.

It didn’t go away even after he said goodbye to her at the airport the next day.


 

For the last five years, the only way he kept in touch with Y/N were through emails. She had a horrible habit of losing her cell phone and it was almost impossible to find signal in the middle of nowhere.

She’s been to every single continent, every nook and cranny of the world. From the Great Pyramid of Giza to Seychelles, she was there, her smile brighter and bigger than he’s ever seen it.

She was a nomad at heart. Unlike him, she didn’t need to have a place to call home. The whole world was her home. She didn’t want stability, she wanted excitement. She didn’t fear the unknown, she thrived in it and faced it head-on.

She was the polar opposite who he was, but damn, every time he would scroll through her pictures, he felt a deep sorrow in his gut of what could have been.

He knew that they would have been amazing together.

He could just picture it… Y/N, in the front row of the Richard Rogers Theater on the opening night of In The Heights and then Hamilton, screaming her head off in some gaudy dress. Her getting annoyed with Karen and her sass, adoring Chris and his big-brother tendencies, and silently rooting for Jasmine and Anthony…

But she wouldn’t have been truly happy.

She would’ve felt trapped and miserable if she stayed in New York. That’s why he let her go, why he chose to smile and ignore every cell in his body that begged to speak up the day she left. It would have been unfair and selfish of him to say anything to her. He didn’t want to hold her back from experiencing the world.

So instead, Lin sent her scanned Broadway pamphlets and newspaper clippings his mother saved, cast recordings of the musical, and pictures of people she would never meet.

They emailed each other every day and he hung on to each and every word she sent. From three sentences to a full page of words, he saved it. It was pathetic that even after all these years, Y/N was all he could think about. Every girl he’s dated was nothing compared to her.

Maybe it was time to stop pining for a girl that was always seemed to be out of his grasp.

“Lin, are you ready?”

His father’s voice pulled him out of his musings. He glanced around his surroundings, remembering that he was supposed to do a press conference for the record-breaking Tony nominations Hamilton set.  He cleared his throat and nodded, leaving the dressing room and heading towards the stage.

After he was announced, he walked onstage, the bright lights of the cameras blinding him. One by one he was asked routine questions from reporters: his inspirations for the play, his reaction to the sudden popularity of the show, and how he felt about the nominees of each category.

The final question came from the back and Lin squinted his eyes, barely making out a form of a man.

“Andy from the New York Times,” he said, “back in your college years, I heard that you got banned from the girl’s dorms after being caught in bed with one of the students multiple times. Would you like to comment on that?”

Lin reared his head back and laughed when the crowd let out a murmur. “You must have done a lot of digging to find that story,” he hums, tucking his hair behind his ear, “but, you’re correct.”

There was another buzz from the crowd, but this time, it was accompanied with flashes from the cameras.

“But, it’s not as wicked as you think it is,” Lin continued, smirking, “I spent a lot of time with a very dear friend in her dorm, studying. We had a lot of classes together and it was easier to stay at her place than to go back to my own dorm. The RA just happened to catch me sneaking into her dorm at night and assumed the worst.”

The crowd seemed unconvinced, but Lin didn’t have a chance to elaborate because time was up. He was escorted off to the side to take pictures and he posed as best as he could as he walked through the row photographers.

“Lin!”

The familiar voice caught his attention, and with a grin, Lin walked towards Andy. “That was a tough question,” Lin says, shaking his outstretched hand, “I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned that story during any of my interviews.”

Andy returns the grin and winks. “I have a great source.”

“Oh? I’d like to meet them,” Lin responds, genuinely intrigued.

Andy laughs. “You’ll have to wait for it.”

Lin was left to ponder his cryptic answer as he was ushered to the fans that awaited him.


Lin didn’t know why there were so many parties he had to attend.

He was currently getting ready for a banquet to celebrate the Tony nominees. In all honesty, the question from Andy completely threw him off-guard and caused him to feel a mix of emotions, longing the being the strongest. He wanted to stay home and reminisce the precious memories he had with Y/N, but it would have caused him to spiral into the depression he fought so hard to climb out of.

His phone buzzed, indicating that the escort was in front of his apartment, waiting. With a sigh, he pocketed his phone and wallet, mentally preparing himself for the event.

He swung his door open, stunned to see a woman whose hand was poised to knock on his door. A woman who strangely looked like…

“Y/N.” he whispers, eyes wide.

She drops her arms, letting them fall limply against her side.

“Hi,” she breathed, a sheepish smile on her face, “I… I got your address from your Father. He told me about your event tonight, but I couldn’t wait. I needed to see you.”

Lin felt his eyes water and his heart felt like it was going to burst. His eyes took in Y/N, her skin tan from all the days she spent out in the sun, baby-face long gone, and body slimmer from all her travels.

She’s still as beautiful as ever.

“You’re here.” Lin couldn’t recognize his voice.

“I’m here,” she repeats, “for good.”

Lin couldn’t comprehend what Y/N was saying. “For good?”

She swallows thickly, and wet her lips before she speaks. “My contract with National Geographic is over and I didn’t want to renew it. I’m done, Lin,” her voice wavers, “I got a job with New York Times a couple weeks ago –”

Lin lets out a sharp laugh. “You’re Andy’s source.”

She pauses. “Yes.”

Lin runs a hand down his face, trying to make sense of the situation. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner that you were back, Y/N?”

She frowns, her eyes searching his face as she explains herself. “I was scared, okay? It’s been five long years… Things change, Lin! Would we really be able to pick up where we left off? I’ve missed so many important events in your life. I should’ve been there,” she stops, voice quivering.

Lin smiles sadly. “I wanted you to be there too.”

“But I’m here now, and if I have to, I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you.”

Lin stares at Y/N, her declaration causing the tears in his eyes to spill. His heart felt full and wordlessly, he opens up his arms for her.

She runs into his embrace and it felt like he was young again.

The nomad finally decided to stop wandering.

“I’m home,” she whispers.

“Welcome home.”

2

After “Sucker for Pain” got reported and forced to remove from Tapastic, and some questions related the first picture, I think I should share my point of view about Saeran. 

From the prologue and many bad endings where Saeran as Unknown in it, I think we can all agree that he doesnt see MC as a woman, more like a tool so he can get his revenge on RFA, or on Saeyoung to be precise. He can sound very convincing and charming, but it doesn’t hide the fact that his behavior is very close to that of a maniac. Surely, when you’re being brain-washed and tortured almost everyday with drug, you cant be sane anymore. There’s a root to why he acted like that, as a rapist and torturer (you can see it in 707 1st bad ending) but it’s still inexcusable. That’s what I can see about his character as Unknown, and I don’t intend to write him differently. I always try to write it that MC enjoyed every moment of it as being fucked by him, but I know to some it can be disturbing. I would advise you to blacklist the tag “mystic messenger unknown” or “Unknown” on my blog if you feel that it’s too much, because no I won’t change my mind. 

As the after ending show, Saeran got a little stable and his shyness side came back. But honestly I dont think something has been imprinted in one’s mind for so long can just being cleaned spotless overnight, so in No hope No fear I potray him as an emo-teen because I saw it is the closet personality he can develop after being stable enough. Honestly I found it quite strange that Saeyoung alone can handle Saeran by just dragging him home like it was nothing, without some medical help. I want to put something like Saeran went to many therapists until he found the right one in No hope no fear, because people was trained in psychological field for a reason, so that they can help patient with psychological problem. So that Saeran can be stable with great manners and understanding, like was shown in The choi family 2. But nah, I don’t think he’s that SHY.

I still like Saeran both as unknown and as after ending Saeran, just some thoughts I think I should share though. Thanks for reading.

Request: Hi! I have an idea for an imagine and I though I should share with my fav writer on Tumblr: you since you are taking and making amazing Alex’s requests. Well since everyone since to already hate this new girl Alicia I thought that maybe you could write about Alex x reader knowing each other from working during s4 and kinda dating (not officially) and then this new girl comes in for s5 and starts flirting shamelessly with Alex so reader is really jalous but he calms her down, yes? PLEASE!
Note: I hope I did this one right? Don’t know why but I’m not so confident about it, I just don’t want to dissapoint you. So let me know, all of you, release the pressure resting on my heart. ;-) But Enjoy, I certainly did.

Words: 2577 


Two weeks of beach and sunshine got you all reloaded for the filming of season five of Vikings that started tomorrow. In the past two weeks you didn’t do anything more than laying at the beach, reading and even did some sight seeing. But how good those hot tempatures maybe were and how proud you was on the little tan you got, you where glad to be home again. You pulled you baggage from the transporter before you walked out of the maze that always seemed to confuse you. When you came at the arrivalgate you saw a figure you probarbly didn’t suspect to see. ‘Are you here for me?’ You asked Alex completly confused. Yes, you texted past two weeks and to be honest, you missed him more than the cat waiting for you home but you really didn’t suspect him to be here waiting for you.
'No, I’m waiting on the old lady over there.’ He pointed. You turned around to an older woman, hugging her husband before you realized that he was joking. 'I’m here for you, yes.’ He corrected himself. You tilted your head, a smile spreading over you face before you wrapped an arm underneath his shoulder to hug him. Yes you missed him, that tight hug said it all. Through the whole filming of season four you kind of grew tighter with Alex. You dated him, on a occasion of two but it was a little unclear of there was friendship of more. But as long as he was around you were glad. 'Next time you run of to the sunset you don’t forget me.’ He placed a greeting kiss on your cheek before pulling your baggage out of your hands. 'What are you doing tonight?’ He asked with that kind of a promesing smile on his lips.
'I’m just back. I’m gonna go home, unpack and take a deep breath before we have our first setday tommorow.’ That last one on a little more excited than you expected it to be.
'Somebody looks forward.’
'Offcourse, missed all of you.’
'Me, the boys and Ida are coming together tonight, you should to.’ He suggested. He didn’t lead you right to a cab but to his own car.
'I’m exhausted.’
'Come on Y/n, I missed you.’ He putted on his puppy face on and you shook you head, looking to him from the other side of the car.
'Fine.’ You smiled, knowing he would harass you until you gave in anyway. He brought you home and picked you right up later that day. Your eyes traveled up to the grey sky remembering how much sunlight you had on your vacation.
'Missing the sun already?’ He joked. You stepped out of the car and looked up to the sky again.
'I’m half freezing to dead being back here.’ You reacted. He wrapped his arm over your shoulder and walked with you inside. Marco jumped the both of you from behind.
'Y/n, next time you go on vacation you tell uss so we can join.’
'You see.’ Alex agreed with his friend.
'I didn’t miss the both of you together.’ You pointed to them. Alex and Marco always were trouble if they hang around with each other. He walked between the two of you and wrapped his arms around you and Alex.
'Back together, you ready?’ Marco asked you. He held you so tight you hardly could move your neck. You putted your thumb up and he released you, giving you a kiss on your cheek before leading you to the others. Ida jumped right from her seat and embraced you tight.
'Glad to have you back. I’m so excited.’
'You’re not alone.’ You said with a promesing look before greeting Jordan to. If you talked about squadgoals, the five of you were. Alex ordered some shots and gave if to each one of you.
'My boys and girls, to season five.’ Alex said with a promessing glare over each one of you. He putted his little glass up and you all ticked it before drinking. To season five.

Keep reading

Okay, seriously, this panel killed me. Damn you, MochiJun, WHY?!

I was shocked, at first, wondering why MochiJun has to torture us like this. Why did she decide to use these names? Why did Vanitas use them? … But then, an idea hit me and I just need to share it! Though I know, we should not compare VnC and PH because both are independent original stories, I can’t help it…

Usually, when someone is in a situation like Vanitas in which he frantically searches for a name to disguise himself, one chooses the name of someone you know. This is why I dare to think, maybe Vanitas knows Vincent and Gilbert… We know, since they are Baskervilles and have a huge lifespan, it’s highly possible that in the 20th century they still were alive and might have been to Paris, France. Right? Right? Please just let me dream this for a moment~

anonymous asked:

Can I get a story where you get stalked by your ex and Taeyong your bestfriend likes you and kinda help you with it ( you like him too ) and you become later a couple..Thanks!!! and love your blog!!

Sorry for the long wait & thanks for the sweet compliments! 

Listen: [1]

Taeyong

You hesitantly looked around the silent school campus.

It was only 5:00 PM but most of the campus grounds had already cleared up; students were either still in the buildings or on their way home by now.

You were on your way to your friend’s house when you heard the unsettling rustle of leaves and quiet footsteps that walked at the exact same pace as yours.

It was him again, you were sure of it.

Two months ago, you started dating a guy that you met in university.

He seemed sweet and friendly and since you always wanted to experience a heart-fluttering campus romance and get that somebody off your mind, you naturally agreed to date him.

You should’ve known something was off from the start. The two of you met when he started putting notes and flowers in your locker. You thought it was sweet at first, especially since he knew the exact flowers that you liked. He had gotten you a bouquet of ‘forget-me-nots’ and since they weren’t the most common type of flowers, you thought the two of you were fated.

Soon, you found out that it was no coincidence at all. He knew everything about you, including the things you liked, your daily schedules, even where you lived before you told him.

You lasted with him for about two weeks before you called it quits.

You made sure that you broke up with him a public place so that he wouldn’t act out. However, your break up went too smoothly.

You simply told him that you didn’t think that you liked him in that way but thought he was a nice guy. The wide smile that he had on his face every single time the two of you met was unchanged.

He nodded his head, saying it was alright, finished his coffee and left the cafe. You let out a huge sigh of relief thinking everything was over…until the next couple days came around.

Everything was quiet at first until he started popping up everywhere on school grounds… acting like the two of you were still together. You would be walking with your friends after class when he would come over and take your backpack for you. Your friends didn’t sense anything wrong and you were too embarrassed to say anything about it.

When you were alone he would pretend that he was coming from the same direction and walk home with you. One day, you couldn’t keep it in anymore and burst out at him that the two of you were no longer together. That was the day you saw his expression grow dark as he wordlessly walked away from you.

And that’s when this started happening. The constant following from the shadows and every now and then a text would pop up… like right now.

You tried to ignore the text, but every now and then the text notification sound would go off. You shut your eyes and reached for your phone to turn off the sound, taking a glance at the notifications on your home screen.

Aren’t you cold?

Want me to give you my sweater?

It’s very warm~

Why are you ignoring me?

Oh you picked up your phone now!


Your hands began to shake, knowing he was nearby and watching your every move.

Suddenly your phone started ringing, startling you.

You were worried it was him but when the familiar letters ‘TY’ showed up on your screen you swiped right immediately.

Listen: [2]



“Taeyong!”

Your voice came out more panicked than you wanted but you tried to hold it in.

There was a pause before he spoke, sensing your insecurity.

“__________? Is something wrong?”

You gulped.

“No, I’m fine. I’m right around the corner, I’ll come in now.”

“Okay, see you soon.”

You walked up to Taeyong’s house where he stood at the door holding it open for you.

You couldn’t help but take a quick glance around before walking in, losing your balance slightly.

Taeyong caught your arm immediately, making sure you didn’t fall.

“Woah, watch your step there.”

When he shut the door you smiled nervously at him and thanked him as you regained your balance.

From the raise of his brow, you knew that he sensed something was off but you weren’t planning on telling him. Sure he was your best friend, but he was also someone who carried a lot of responsibilities and had an image to upkeep. You couldn’t bother him with something as trivial as this.

You felt his sharp eyes observe you and your surroundings. However, when you didn’t speak you saw him lick his lips as if to wipe off the question that was lingering on his tongue.

“The other boys are inside already, come on in.”

Taeyong led you into the living room where the other trainees and group members of his had already started to cheer one another on for today’s video game night.

As per usual, the others waved and shouted “Hi noona!” at you before Taeyong shooed one of them off the couch so you could sit.

He walked around the room grabbing candy wrappers and cola cans off the floor before chastising the others to keep his place cleaner as they shouted a “Yes mom!”’ in response.

Soon he was seated beside you, his arm slung loosely around the back of the couch.

“So, what’s up with school?”

He opened a can of cola that was in front of him, taking a sip before passing it to you. You smiled unknowingly, reminiscing of the memories during your high school days together. Anytime the two of you were together and he offered you a drink whether it be water, cola or juice, he would open it, take a sip and then give it to you. Back then you used to think it was the most annoying thing ever, slapping him on the arm lightly for his teasing ways. However, now it was an action that brought you back to the sweet memory of the past.

“It’s okay I guess, sucks that you’re not there though.”

He laughed and reached out his free arm to ruffle your hair.

“I thought you said I was the most annoying brat ever.”

You giggled.

“Well you are. But this annoying brat is my best friend and I thought we would go to university together.”

His laugh faded to a soft smile.

“I’m not beside you at school but you know I’m always here for you right? You can tell me anything.”

His sharp eyes locked with your soft gaze as you knew that was implying for you to talk about your unfamiliar actions earlier.

Your gaze broke with his when Ten called him over.

“Taeyong! Your turn, help us beat Jaehyun man, he’s so good at this game.”

Ten grumbled as he signalled for Taeyong to join his side quickly.

Taeyong rolled his eyes as he gave you a quick pat on your shoulder.

“I’ll be right back.”

You nodded as he headed over to Ten.

The image of his back walking away from you brought back to another memory. All through high school, Taeyong and you have always had a ‘some’ and ambiguous sort of relationship. It was kind of obvious that you liked him and he liked you, but because he was always kind of immature you brushed it off as a crush. Only when he told you that he would be debuting soon and wouldn’t be going to university did it occur to you that the two of you wouldn’t be seeing each other daily anymore. That last day of school when he walked away from you was an image you would never be able to forget.

You took the news especially hard when he finally debuted and you realized that the two of you were living completely different lives now. When you met up and watched his shows on TV you realized that Taeyong had changed, matured and took care of others now. You were happy that he was leading the life that he always wanted, doing what he did best, dance. But it also confirmed that an average girl like you wouldn’t fit into his life anymore, which is why you chose to move on. He found where he belonged, and you felt like you should do the same whether he was by your side or not.

Two hours passed by and you realized that it was starting to get dark. You noticed your phone didn’t ring or vibrate during the time you were at Taeyong’s place; he probably wouldn’t be lurking around after such a long time passed, so you got ready to go home.

“Taeyong, I’ll be off okay!“ You shouted in the noisy living room.

“Let me walk you back!”

He shouted as the others cheered noisily for him to win.

“It’s okay! I’ll text you when I get back!”

He didn’t look convinced but you waved at him and said goodbye to the boys as you left his place.

Listen: [3]



You took in the comfortable gust of wind that blew against your face as you walked down the familiar road.

Taeyong and you lived a 10 minute walk away from each other but you haven’t been to his place in months. It was nice to be able to catch up with him again, although you weren’t sure when the next time you see him will be.

Everything was going fine but a faint tune had started to hum a short distance away from you.

Usually you wouldn’t find a problem with someone humming on the street.

But this was the tune to your favourite song, ‘Time spent Walking through Memories’ by Nell.

You began to walk a bit faster but noticed that now the humming had been replaced with his voice singing the song.

As soon as you realized, you began sprinting away but his long legs caught up to you immediately as he appeared in front of you, blocking your way.

His wide eyes stared at you menacingly as he began to question you.

“Who was that guy at the door? Why didn’t you pick up your phone? Did you know how worried I was? What were you doing inside?”

You backed away slowly as you reached into your bag for your phone, the only name running through your head was 'Taeyong’.

However, you realized that your phone was not in your bag and you probably left it at Taeyong’s place.

You tried to turn away and run back to Taeyong’s house but he grabbed your arms as you covered your ears and shut your eyes, blocking him out.

A short moment passed before you realized that the shaking had stopped and he was no longer in front of you.

As you opened your eyes, you saw Taeyong on top of him on the floor, punching him over and over.

“Leave her alone! What the hell do you think you’re doing stalking her like this, I’ll never let you go!”

He shouted angrily.

Realization flooded you when you saw Taeyong’s bloody knuckles and the blood of your ex spray on the road.

“Stop! Taeyong, stop!”

You yelled and ran over to hug him immediately, knowing he would stop if you were nearby.

His hands dropped to his side as you pulled him up and your ex stood up shortly, wiping the blood from his nose.

“Quit acting like she’s a gem or something. She’s just some average girl, I’ll go find another one, you can take her.”

He began to walk away as Taeyong shouted after him.

“What the hell did you say? Average? Come back here you b-”

“Taeyong!”

You called his name again and held him tighter.

That seemed to wake him up as he turned his angry gaze towards you, pulling his arm away from your grasp.

He pulled your phone from his pocket as he held it in front of you.

“What the hell is this.”

His angry gaze didn’t fade as he held the phone screen up for you to see, showing your ex had dialed your number exactly forty-two times in the two hours you were at his place and sent you countless messages asking you what you were doing.

You quickly grabbed your phone back.

“It’s nothing, everything’s settled-”

“WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN __________! You were being stalked, damn it!”

You couldn’t look him straight in the eye as you glanced around, worried that someone would see or recognize Taeyong.

“You should go back, what if someone recognizes you? You need to clean your wounds and-”

Taeyong held both of your shoulders as he pulled you closer to face him.

“Do you think that matters to me right now? Why didn’t you tell me about this? Am I not important to you anymore?”

You looked up to stare at his gaze, seeing the hurt in his eyes.

“Of course not! I didn’t want to worry you and I thought that he would eventually stop and besides he was nice before and-”

You glanced up to look at him, seeing the disappointment on his face as his hands slid down your arms and back to his side. The two of you knew that all the words coming from your mouth were excuses.

“So that’s all I am to you now huh…”

He turned back in the direction to face his house as he ran a hand through his hair and began walking away.

His fading back reminded you of that horrible memory once again, of him leaving you on that last day of school. You knew if you didn’t say something now, the relationship between the two of you would take a turn for the worse.

“LEE TAEYONG! Stop right there!”

You ran over and shoved him lightly, turning him to face you.

Tears were starting to build up now but you ignored them, not caring if they ran down your face.

“How could I tell you about this when you didn’t even know I was seeing someone in the first place! If I told you about how I was dating him, then I’d have to tell you why and if the reason I told you why is because I was trying to get over you, what would you say?! I know exactly why we never got together and I know my boundaries. Why do you have to force me to tell you that my feelings for you never left and that-”

Before you could continue, he cupped your cheeks with his palms and pulled you in for a deep kiss, expressing his feelings to you.

You were shocked but found yourself returning his kiss as you held onto his arms lightly, closing your eyes.

When the kiss ended Taeyong and you shared a knowing smile together.

He pulled you in for a hug, arms encircling your waist as the two of you stood still, face to face.

“If that’s how you felt why didn’t you say so earlier?”

You shrugged and looked up at him.

“Well if that’s how you felt, why didn’t you say so earlier?”

He smiled and shrugged as the two of you laughed softly and he pulled you in tighter, patting the back of your head affectionately.

“I don’t mind if you stay quiet about other matters, but if it’s regarding your safety, you better tell me immediately okay?”

You nodded your head and nuzzled deeper into his embrace, finally finding where you belong.

gif cr: teeuai

actually someone remind me, when fanime is over, to upload some of the recent cosplay notes that i’ve done over the years. they’re messy but i’ve recorded a lot of detail on how i measured & made my outfits

that & they’re kinda nice to look at. i need to dig for them in my sketchbooks but yeah. I really want to share how i made my cosplays

Thank you and an essay

This is the research essay on queer representation in TV and Film that I wrote a year ago that I asked all of you to fill out the survey for. I though I should share since all of you made it possible. Feel free to give feedback, or message me if you need information to cite it!

Here’s a link to the raw survey results as well: https://drive.google.com/open?id=0B8CQ8dhyGIIOYlRTZjByX3liUzA

Thank you,

Ben


My Queer Dilemma: Lack of Adequate Representation in Mainstream Television and Film

There is no doubt about it, in America, our conservative culture has forced many potential queer storylines and characters in television and film into the shadows, and out of the way of mainstream audiences. It is not until recently writers have been including characters with gay and lesbian identities in their work, with a couple of transgender identities in the mix. The overwhelming majority of characters we see in the media are almost exclusively white, exclusively straight, and exclusively cisgender; all of these being a serious misrepresentation of the diversity our society contains as a whole.  Most of the strides in television and film to include queer identities has happened in the recent past. However, these queer identities that are emerging are mostly gay and lesbian, leaving out queer people who do not identify as those. As of right now, the representation of queer identities in mainstream television and film is not just lacking in the scopes of quantity, and quality, but in the diversity within the queer community, and racial diversity.

It is important to keep in mind the history of the representation of queer characters in TV and film when talking about them. The first mentioning of the word “homosexual” on air was back in 1963, on the drama Espionage (Kaufman). Most characters who were queer, were usually represented very poorly. Until about the 1990’s, queer characters were very much excluded in mainstream television. However, pushing queer television shows to mainstream networks is more challenging than one thinks. Show ideas have to be sold to network studios. Show ideas that are too politically upheaving tend to be rejected. This is because advertisers tend to pull if their advertising on a show that is considered to be racy or controversial. For example, when Ellen DeGeneres came out on her sitcom in the 1990’s, the show was not renewed for another season. However, in the past 20 years or so, we have seen a large uptick in representation that is of a higher quality on paid subscription channels, such as HBO and Showtime with shows like The L Word, which features a close knit group of lesbian women (Further Off). Right after Ellen’s sitcom was cancelled, the television show on NBC, Will and Grace, came out. Will and Grace was a hit. Katherine Sender, from Annenberg School for Communication in University of Pennsylvania says that: “…one of the reasons ‘Will and Grace’ is so easy on the mainstream audience is that it features this relationship between Grace and will, which is a celibate relationship but is none the less the primary relationship of the show” (Further Off). Women’s Studies professor at Simmons College, Diane Raymond goes on to say that “Will and Grace’s relationship mirrors that of a traditional heterosexual husband and wife” (Raymond). However, regardless of how “heterosexual” Will and Grace’s relationship maybe, seeing a decently represented gay character on network television in 1998 was progress. There has also been an uptick in queer characters on streaming service originals, like Netflix’s Orange is the New Black, with characters like Piper, Alex, and Sophia. On basic cable and broadcasting stations we are seeing many more queer characters, like ABC’s Modern Family, which features gay couple and parents, Cam and Mitchell, and Comedy Central’s Broad City, which features a gay character who goes by the name Jaime. Kelly Kessler, a Professor at DePaul University in Chicago says the recent upsurge in gay, lesbian, and bisexual identities, and what it means for queer representation as a whole: “Despite the aforementioned wins for GLB representation and writing, I reject any notion that we have entered some kind of queer televisual utopia. What we have to take, however, are steps toward mutual mediocrity” (Kessler). Just because characters exist today that would not have been seen 30 years ago, does not mean that battle is over.

When reviewing the history of queer cinema, the history is a little more complicated than television, part of that due to the fact celluloid is an older technology, and has been around longer than television. Starting with the pre-classical and classical times of Hollywood film, there is no doubt that heterosexist themes reduced queer characters to small walk-on roles, usually gaining only a small amount of screen time. When they were given these small walk-on roles, producers used the oldest stereotypes in the books: the effeminate gay man, and the butch lesbian women (“Gay, Lesbian, and Queer”). While these butch-fem gender roles were necessary for queer people at the time to avoid unwanted harassment, not all men were effeminate, and not all women were butch. This was pre-code Hollywood cinema, of course. In 1934, the Hollywood Production Code, or the Hayes Code, specifically forbade what was called “sex perversion” at the time (Celluloid Closet). This forced producers to use stereotypes more often to signal a character was queer. During the 1950’s and 60’s, with changing views on sexuality, the Hayes code was dropped and replaced with Motion Picture Association of America, or the MPAA rating system. This allowed onscreen queerness as long as it was kept to a minimum. After the MPAA came into action, the first few films depicting overt homosexuality were often stories that assumed that it would lead to a lonely and tragic life. In the 1962 film Advise and Consent, a queer relationship was the cause for a suicide, and in another film from the same year, The Children’s Hour, a woman hangs herself shortly after coming out of the closet (“Gay, Lesbian, and Queer”). After 1969, during the post-stonewall days, when queer people were being more open than ever, American cinema wasn’t necessarily reflecting that. Queer characters were still reduced to small minor roles, if they were even included at all. It wasn’t until the 1990’s that Hollywood made an attempt to market to queer audiences after seeing success of underground films with the queer community.

When accounting for the quantity of queer people in TV and film as a measurement of adequacy, one is quick to realize that the numbers are not there. I conducted a survey in which 726 people responded, and they agreed. The survey participants were asked to rate the representation of various queer identities. Some examples of the identities that were included were gay and lesbian, bisexual, pansexual and polysexual, transgender, and many more. The participants used a five increment scale of “superb” to “awful” to rate representation, with superb being the best, and awful the worst. Also, included in the survey as a possible answer to the eight multiple choice questions was a “don’t know” option. Participants were asked to select this option if they did not know what the specific identity that was being asked was. At the very end of the survey, for question number nine, I included an optional comment. Out of the 725 respondents, 163 chose to reply. The results from this survey were even more jarring than I previously predicted. According to the survey, the representation of queer people is horrendous.

   When asking about the representation of gay and lesbian people, 545 of the respondents said that representation is either “awful,” or “inadequate.” That is three quarters of nearly all participants―and representation of gay and lesbian identities was the best rated category of them all.  When the respondents replied to their thoughts on the representation of bisexual identities, the results were even more despicable. Out of 725 people, 666 of the participants rated representation of bisexual people as either “awful” or “inadequate,” pushing the percentage up to 91 percent. The amount of people who think representation is inadequate, or awful does not even compare to those who think it is “superb” or “adequate,” which rang up at about 1.8 percent.

The numbers for the representation of asexual, pansexual, and polysexual people are still terrible. Approximately 646 people (90 percent) said the representation for the asexual community was either awful or inadequate, with 600 of them (83 percent) choosing awful as their primary answer. Compare that to the 10 people (1.38 percent) who chose both superb and adequate combined, and the difference is shown in the numbers alone. On the other hand, 664 participants (91 percent) agreed that the representation for the pansexual-polysexual community in television and film is either “inadequate” or “awful,” with 584 of those (80 percent) being “awful.” Compare that to the measly seven people who said either “superb,” or “adequate.” The respondents didn’t speak highly for the amount of representation transgender and non-binary identified people get in the media either:

Out of 725, 608 (84 percent) said that transgender people don’t get the amount of representation they deserve, clicking either “inadequate”, or “awful”. Only 19 of them (three percent) said that the representation of transgender people believed that the representation we see today is either “adequate” or “superb”. Non-binary people fared it worse—668 of the respondents (92 percent) believed that the representation was irreverent, choosing “awful” and “inadequate” as their answers. Only nine people thought non-binary representation was good. The narrative follows through when analyzing the results for the polyamorous community and the amount of racial diversity we see in television and film.

Out of the 724 people who answered this question, 608 (84 percent) said that polyamorous representation was either “awful” or “inadequate.” However, this question fared the most amount of “don’t knows,” adding up to 81 (11 percent). That does not stop the numbers from speaking for themselves, the overwhelming majority of the survey group thinks that representation is lacking. People’s feeling about the diversity are very much the same way. 661 out the 725 who answered (91 percent) believed that the amount of diversity we see among queer characters is lacking, compared to the 16 (two percent) who think it is either “adequate” or “superb”.

All of these numbers beg the question: how is representation on television and film today? As mentioned earlier, gay and lesbian representation seems to be rising up. However, there is a reason why I say gay and lesbian representation. Lesbian and gay characters get the spotlight over characters with other queer identities, while some queer identities are not represented at all. The Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation, or GLAAD as it is known today, posts articles every year about queer representation on television. According to GLAAD’s 2015 report on recurring LGBT characters during primetime television on broadcast channels, 118 out of 881 total characters are queer. However, those identities are limited to LGB only:

  • 23 characters (33 percent) are lesbian women;
  • 33 characters (47 percent) are gay men;
  • 14 (20 percent) characters are bisexual, with women being in the lead by a large margin.

When looking at the racial diversity, the story is even sadder, 69 percent of those character are white, 19 percent are black, seven percent are Latinx, and six percent are computer generated (“2015 Where We Are”).

Cable television fares a little better in the diversity of queer characters. According to GLAAD’s findings,

  • 31 characters (22 percent) are lesbian women;
  • 58 characters (41 percent) are gay men;
  • 50 characters (36 percent) are bisexual, with women being in the lead, like in broadcast television;
  • and 3 characters (two percent) are transgender, two being transfeminine, and one being transmasculine.

However, with larger amount of queer diversity, comes the lesser amount of racial and ethnic diversity. 71 percent of the characters black white; 11 percent are black; eight percent are Latinx; five percent are identified with other races and ethnicities; and four percent are computer generated (“2015 Where We Are”).

The breakdown in queer diversity on streaming network providers, such as Netflix and Hulu is much better than we see on cable or broadcasting networks. GLAAD reports that

  • 21 characters (36 percent) are lesbian women, with one of them being transgender;
  • 23 characters (39 percent) are gay men;
  • 12 characters (20 percent) make up the total bisexual representation, with women in the lead again;
  • and four of those characters (seven percent) are transgender women, with one identifying as lesbian.

The racial and ethnic diversity on the streaming services’ originals are comparable to that of cable networks: 73 percent are white; 12 percent are black; 12 percent are Latinx; two percent are computer generated; and two percent identify with other races and ethnicities (“2015 Where We Are”).

When queer characters actually do get represented on television, the representation is not always of the highest quality, and the amount of onscreen time is barren. Queer characters often get moved to small supporting roles. For example, Jaime in Comedy Central’s Broad City, is Alana’s gay friend and roommate of color. He is a character that is often pushed to the side more often than others, and we don’t always see him every episode. In Showtime’s Nurse Jackie, Thor, a gay nurse was a small supporting character. The lack of screen time for queer characters has always been a problem. Netflix’s Orange is the New Black, is one of the better shows (if not one of the best) that give queer characters a lot of onscreen time. Piper Chapman, the main protagonist is one of the queer characters that we see every episode for a good portion of the time, along with many other queer supporting characters. An anonymous survey goer on the “Queer Representation” Survey said that “there’s definitely not enough LGBT representation in shows and it really bums me out because it is hard to connect with the characters”. It is time we get more queer characters in television, that have a decent role in the plot with a good amount of onscreen time.

More often than not, stereotypes often prevail. The transgender community often faces a large load of this. GLAAD made an article examining ten years worth of transgender representation. The general stereotype that transgender people face are the victim stereotype, and the villain stereotype. In GLAAD’s research, they catalogued 102 episodes of television that contained transgender characters. They found that 54 percent of those contained negative representations. They also found that transgender characters were cast in a “victim” role at least 40 percent of the time; they were cast as villains, including killers, 21 percent of the time; and they were cast as sex workers at least 20 percent of the time. In 61 percent of all catalogued episodes, anti-transgender slurs were used (“Victims or Villains”).  Some of the anonymous respondents for the “Queer Representation” survey had thing to say about this as well. An anonymous poster said that “Lesbians are often depicted tragically, and bisexual, trans, and ace, and others receive poor, if any representation in media”. This is not acceptable. We cannot live in a society where we have fair treatment of transgender people, and queer people in general, while we have a media that portrays these characters in such a negative light, making them out to be demons and pariahs. It is counterproductive to be fighting for equal rights of queer people, and to be fighting against stereotypes, while Hollywood keeps condoning them.

Overall, there are three recurring themes here: when network companies decide to actually create characters who are queer, the overwhelming majority of queer identities shown are strictly gay and lesbian. The second theme being is that the majority of these characters are white and cisgender. This is not representative of the world we live in. The third is the poor quality of representation.

These heteronormative, cisnormative, and racist themes also carry over when talking about cinema. According to GLAAD’s Studio Responsibility index for 2016, of the 126 major releases in the year 2016, a measly 22 of them had characters who identified somewhere on the queer spectrum. That’s is only 17.5 percent of them. When analyzing these results, it need to be kept in mind that movies and television shows have many characters in them. The fact that only 17.5 percent of movies have queer characters is very unrepresentative of our society as a whole. When a movie was trying to be inclusive of queer characters, it was most likely that that character was a gay man. According to GLAAD’s results, 77 percent of all LGBT characters were gay men. Only 23 percent of inclusive releases included lesbian characters, nine percent had bisexual characters in them, and five percent included transgender characters (“Studio Responsibility Index”). Racial diversity was also lacking in these films, even worse than the results for television. GLAAD found that

  • white characters made up 72.3 percent of representation;
  • Latinx characters made up 10.6 percent;
  • 8.5 percent were characters were black;
  • 6.4 percent were Asian;
  • and 2 percent were not human (“Studio Responsibility Index”).

Even some of the survey respondents agree that racial diversity among queer people in Hollywood films is despicable. One anonymous survey goer said that “the most frequent members of the LGBT+ community shown positively in the media are white gay men”. Another said “If you are not a gay white man, you are not on TV at all”. It is agreed upon that Hollywood need to get their stuff together to represent society as a whole.

The argument that any representation is good representation is true to a short extent. Showing these characters is a crucial step in admitting that these communities even exist. However, that only tides production companies and audiences over for a little while. Audiences begin to form preconceptions about people with these identities based off of the stereotypes that are portrayed; audiences begin to believe it is okay to treat queer people the way they see them people being treated on screen; audiences begin to believe they can tell a queer person from a cisgender-heterosexual person in reality, assuming that all the stereotypes that are shown on the big screen are true. Having queer characters there for comic relief does not justify adequate representation. The representation of queer identities right now in television and movies is lacking in the scopes of quantity, quality, diversity within the queer community, and racial diversity.

Works Cited

The Celluloid Closet. Dir. Rob Epstein and Jeffrey Friedman. TriStar Pictures, 1995. DVD.

Further Off the Straight & Narrow: New Gay Visibility on Television, 1998-2006. Dir. Katherine Sender. Media Education Foundation, 2006. Web. 22 May 2016.

“Gay, Lesbian, and Queer Cinema.” Schirmer Encyclopedia of Film. Ed. Barry Keith Grant. Vol. 2. New York: Schirmer Reference. 2007. 277-286. GVLR Reference Titles. Web. 28 Apr. 2016

Kaufman, Ellie. “These TV Moments Show the Evolution of LGBTQ Characters on Screen.” Mic. Mic Network Inc., 25 Apr. 2016. Web. 01 May 2016

Kessler, Kelly. “They Should Suffer Like the Rest of Us: Queer Equality in Narrative Mediocrity.” Cinema Journal 50.2 (2011): 139-44. Web. 22 May 2016.

Raymond, Diane. “Popular Culture and Queer Representation.” Gender, Race, and Class in Media: 98-110

“Studio Responsibility Index 2016.” GLAAD. GLAAD, 13 Apr. 2016. Web. 22 May 2016.

“Victims or Villains: Examining Ten Years of Transgender Images on Television.” GLAAD. GLAAD, 20 Nov. 2012. Web. 01 May 2016.

“2015 Where We Are on TV Report.” GLAAD. GLAAD, 23 Oct. 2015. Web. 22 May 2016.

Punk-ass short-ass hot-ass Pharaoh

(I put this together from a few screencaps and edited out Anzu - sorry Anzu but I wanted a decent picture of him in his hot not-Yugi’s-school-uniform outfit!)

how to make the best fucking green smoothie in the world.

1 entire fucking cucumber
1 and a half pear. maybe 2
some cinnamon
one spoonful vanilla flavored whey protein
agave nectar. as much as you like.
1-2 cups spinach
lots of shredded coconut
teaspoon lemon juice
ice cubes

enjoy, you prick.