those underpants

Tangled Yarns 16: Star Stitch

Catch up here.

When the morning dawns, Harry and Elena yawn and stretch. Without worrying about morning breath, the two friends engage in a massive tongue battle, each fighting for dominance and giving up the power when the other takes control. The dozen condoms have dwindled to only nine, and Harry vows to use them all in the next few days, so they each make a promise to purchase a new box.

At the breakfast table, Harry sits in a chair in his boxer briefs while Elena sits across from him, her foot on his chair in between his splayed legs. Languidly, she takes a fresh strawberry between her teeth, biting into the fruit so that juice runs down her chin, and she giggles as she collects it in her napkin. Harry’s eyes zero in on her lips as she nibbles at the sweet berry. Her foot inches closer to his package hidden in those black underpants, and her large toe strokes at it. Grabbing her foot, he extends her leg onto his thigh as he massages her instep.

Keep reading

The definitive* guide of Robert spending money on Aaron

Here it is, a definitive list of things Robert has spent money on for Aaron, on Aaron or to be with Aaron. 

Some of the things in these categories are questionable (cough hitman cough) BUT on the positive side the most amount of money Rob’s spent was for good not evil. 😅 

This post got longer than i expected, it was fun so i hope you enjoy.

How can I spend more time with bae AKA the beginning

Scrapyard Investment -  The best money Robert has ever spent.  He was so smitten with Aaron after 2 fucks he was already breaking all his rules and handing over 10k to invest in whatever Adam & Aaron wanted, he didn’t even care what the business was £10,000

Hotel 1 - Let’s be honest this hotel was nothing special and Robert probably expensed it back to Home Farm Estates like the trash he is. But waking up together for the first time. The heart eyes. Robert in those tight black underpants. Money very well spent. £60

Originally posted by itsafangirlthing

Hotel 2 - Robert just wanted to spoil Aaron, rip his suit off and fuck him in a fancy hotel…if that’s not love i don’t know what is? Damn you Katie for ruining this night.  £250

Oh shit, I don’t want people to find out about bae AKA the affair continues

The Hitman - If you think I googled “how much does a hitman cost” you’d be right? Are the police going to break down my door in the middle of the night and arrest me? Probably. This plot is ridiculous let’s not dwell on it. £20,000 I guess

Cain’s blackmail - What started as Robert using the ridiculously random Cain & Chrissie kiss to blackmail Cain completely backfired, no thanks to Aaron who outed him and their affair. Not cool Aaron, not cool. So now the blackmailer is being blackmailed. But the lesson is never cross Cain Dingle or you’ll be paying for Vadam’s honeymoon £5000, The grain pit at Butlers  £15,000 and a holiday for Coira £2000.

Trying to do right by bae AKA the abuse sl

Sandra’s address - One day we’ll find out how Robert got all these dodgy contacts but for now I’ll just assume he used a PI. By finding Sandra’s address we got rejected park bench kiss, lake side declarations and Rob reunited Aaron with his long lost sister and gave us all Roblivion….Also my search history is getting interesting right now. £300

Bribing Ryan - What to do if you want to see justice done, Gordon locked up for his horrific crimes & your future mum in law is pestering you to make sure he gets sent down. If you’re Robert Sugden you bribe a local teen to lie about also being abused. Oh Robert, your heart was in the right place. The only hint at how much he paid Ryan was that it was the same amount as a fancy watch, so £5000

Bonus Bribing Ryan again - Leave my family alone, we never hear from you again + here have a delicious hummus and coriander sandwich. Mwahaha I’m an evil genius.  Never change Rob. £104.50

How can I prove to bae I love him AKA no one else comes close

Barcelona -  The first cancelled holiday and the the start of the Robron chill *cries*. Rob just wanted to celebrate his 30th birthday and spend some time with Aaron & be proper boyfriends and it’s beautiful. Flights + 2 nights in Barcelona £1000

France - The second cancelled holiday.  Robert being playful murmuring into his kiss with Aaron was the stuff of dreams. God bless you Maxine. Also i can kinda forgive Liv for ruining this holiday cause it gave us the quality content of Rob dangling from a tree. 2.5 weeks in Calais, hotel only £1400

Engagement ring - I would’ve paid money to to see the scene of Robert at the jewellers, being sassy to the sales assistant, demanding the best for the man he loves. I think I found a very similar platinum ring and as Vic days “it’s perfect” so can Aaron hurry up and put it back on his finger £2695

Originally posted by thisdamndesire

Las Vegas - The third cancelled holiday.  First class flights, limo from the airport, helicopter over the Grand Canyon, Cirque du Soleil tickets, the works. Do you know how expensive first class tickets are? But Aaron deserved this big romantic gesture. I’m assuming they were staying for 5 nights + I gave him a 25% discount courtesy of Rebecca’s mate £11,250

The wedding - So perfect, so them, but as far as weddings go this was done on the cheap. Free venue. Free Decorations. Only thing paid for would have been finger food and drinks and we know the Dingles love a free drink so let’s say £1000

Appealing Aaron’s sentence - Robs face when he found out Aaron got 12 months breaks my heart every time, he was so determined to free his husband. A decent barrister is £300 per hour and it took 3 weeks for the appeal to come through. If only you worked a little faster unseen barrister person we may not be stuck in this hell plot £10,000

The Mill renovations - This includes fixing the damn dry rot I had to listen to Rakesh moan on about for months, the fire damage, doors without handles & drawers pure white, posh appliances, the Vespa chair and all the questionable artwork. I didn’t include flat 2 cause we don’t now what the deal is with that.   Let’s be real though Robert has great taste and the Mill is the best house in the village. £80,000

5 week honeymoon to Mauritius - Seriously Emmerdale now you let them go on a holiday? After Rob has cheated and Rebecca is pregnant and nobody actually wants them to go because we all just want Aaron to learn the truth as soon as possible. Yeah, fuck you Emmerdale, fuck you.  Flights + airbnb accommodation £4200

I’ve been an idiot, please don’t tell bae AKA the hell plot

Full disclosure this is the part where i become bitter at the writing regarding Robert’s money. 

Ross’ blackmail -  Ugh, just ugh at this whole plot point. In the end Robert only gave Ross half of of what he was blackmailed for and then crushed his taxi and destroyed his weed as payback so at least there’s that £2500

Mill Chairs - So this was the ep Aaron listed all the things Robert didn’t spend his money on ignoring basically everything i have listed above that he did spend it on. I mean Aaron didn’t want the chairs at the time but he sure seems to enjoy them now (see, told you i was bitter).  Also who knew ugly leather reclining chairs would be so expensive? £3500

Burnt money- Holy shit Robert just threw the briefcase into a fire barrel because Aaron told him to! I think this is what the kids call EXTRA. And the lesson is Robert loves Aaron more than money. OF COURSE HE DOES HAVE YOU BEEN PAYING ATTENTION. Lucky it was all saved (thanks cute fire extinguisher scene) except a couple of hundred . £100,000 £200

Bribing Jason - TBH I love protective Rob, his heart was in the right place (again) and let’s be real no one wanted to see Aaron hurt.  But he didn’t bribe Jason because he didn’t believe in Aaron so thanks for making this clear, it’s just THEY ARE SO IN LOVE still. WHEN ARE THEY BACK TOGETHER THE STRUGGLE IS REAL?!? £5000

GRAND TOTAL - £180,459.50

And here it is in handy excel spreadsheet converted into multiple currencies because i’m cool like that. 

*not at all definitive 

thirteen-cypher  asked:

In lieu of your recent post with Jon wearing the original Robin suit, I wonder if we will get a short tale of said event.

Yeah, I kinda had that idea in my head for a while :p I’m surprised the comics themselves haven’t toyed with this concept already lol.

“This feels…snug,” Jon remarked. His fingers tugged at the strap of his new uniform’s bottom half. He winced at how little there was he could tug.

“Should I take that as an expression of comfort?” Damian asked smugly. He scrutinized Jon in the outfit, from his messy, dark-haired head, down to his bare legs and green pointed shoes.

“No, you shouldn’t,” Jon said grumpily. He heaved an irritated sigh as he stared at himself in the mirror once more.

After a disastrous bet, Jon found himself wearing Dick Grayson’s first Robin costume. The legendary uniform looked as dated as it was drafty between the legs. Jon’s eyes were masked by a visor, which had the sole ability to switch to night vision. His smart phone had dozens more filters than this, he thought glumly. On his shoulders rested a bright yellow cape—and while Damian swore it was fireproof, it wasn’t bulletproof, or anything-else-proof, and couldn’t even glide. The button-down top was firehouse red with short green sleeves, and while it seemed to be padded and armored somewhat, it was definitely not designed for comfort—Jon could already feel his armpits chafing. The shoes did not improve his opinion of the getup. At first glance, Jon had mistaken them for elf shoes. And despite Damian’s insistence that they were designed for agility, Jon still thought they were elf shoes.

Then of course, there were the briefs. They were not pants, or shorts, or even tights—there was really no other word for it other than ‘briefs’. Green and covered with a scale-like mesh, it was probably the main part of the costume that made Jon want to shout out one big giant ‘NOPE!’

“How can I even fight with these?” Jon asked incredulously as he twisted his waist.

“Nothing beats the classics,” Damian said with a smirk, as if that was enough of an explanation. “Besides, those green underpants are actually the most armored part of the uniform. They even protect your decency by hiding the outline of your scrawny behind.” Damian punctuated the sentence by nonchalantly slapping Jon’s rear.

FWAP

“Ow! Hey!” Jon snapped indignantly. The briefs didn’t do much to protect Jon’s dignity.

“Grayson was just twelve years old when he wore that costume,” Damian continued. “He was already a prodigious acrobat, and his uniform was tailored to take advantage of that. The costume gave him maneuverability. Perhaps literally wearing his shoes will teach you to respect his skill.”

“Hey,” Jon chided. “I like Dick!—“

Damian snorted trying to stifle a laugh, causing Jon’s cheeks to flush.

“I mean I don’t need to wear his…briefs…to respect him because I already do!”

Damian waved him off and began walking away. “What I meant was that you should appreciate how skilled he was being able to assist my father despite wearing something like that. Also, you lost a bet, so you have no choice. Now, let’s ride!”


***

Jon made a mental list of all the things he hated doing wearing Dick Grayson’s costume.

First, there was riding Damian’s Robin Cycle. The feeling of his legs’ bare skin rubbing against the motor bike’s leather seat was uncomfortable enough, but the cool wind felt like it was cutting up his exposed limbs with tiny icy daggers. The draft crept up through his sleeves and leg holes, and the entire experience just made him thoroughly miserable.

Then, there were the bystanders. Everyone who saw him asked why he was wearing a Halloween costume in August. It pained Jon that, to these people, Dick’s uniform was already so iconic that it’s been relegated to party costume status. Even more than that, he felt like everyone saw him as even more of a little kid—which he technically was—but the costume made him feel a little less confident to talk to people. They also kept asking him if he was cold wearing it. With a smile and gritted teeth, he always replied, ‘yes, yes he was’.

He also couldn’t fly. He had no doubt that a flying boy wearing the classic Robin uniform would raise more than a few eyebrows. They’d start to ask some pretty awkward questions. Things like, ‘Since when did Robin fly?’, or, ‘Is that a new hero copying Robin?’, and even worse, ‘Is that Superboy wearing Robin’s underwear?’ If there was one thing Jon was grateful for, it was the mask, because at least some part of the costume protected his privacy—and all the times his eyes would twitch whenever cruel-looking teenagers would tease him for wearing green diapers.

Ironically enough, he was most embarrassed around criminals. Them laughing at him was actually the least embarrassing thing that’s happened. Damian mockingly complimented him for distracting the bad guys—which was totally not what he’d intended. More than a few thugs had called him ‘legs’—those guys ended up just a little more bruised than usual. Damian had said something along the lines of “It’s perfectly fine to be complimented on your shapely legs.” Jon was pretty sure that Damian hadn’t meant that as a compliment at all.

The most mortifying experience Jon had were with the bank robbers.

About half a dozen armed men with ski masks had decided to rob a local branch of the Metropolis Bank. Damian and Jon were on the scene, preparing to strike. Before they leapt up from the shadows, Damian had suggested they loudly announce their presence to unnerve the criminals. At the time, this sounded good to Jon. Of course, he’d assumed that Robin would be with him.

“Stop right there!” Jon bellowed. He stepped out of the shadows and onto the light, his short yellow cape billowing in the breeze. It took all of his willpower to stop his bare legs from shivering.

His appearance seemed to have had the intended effect—the three men loading bags of cash on a truck stopped abruptly to stare at him. The driver and two other lookouts came over to stare at him too. Despite their masks, their expressions were very obvious.

They were absolutely baffled.

“That’s right!” Jon declared. “You better stand down or my partner and I…” Jon glanced to his side and his voice died in his throat. Damian wasn’t beside him anymore. He was alone. He suddenly became very conscious of himself, and he tugged at the hem of his cape to cover his legs from the light.

Two of the thugs scratched their heads. One of them had his mouth open.

“Uh, I…I’m sorry I don’t know how to react to this,” said one of the robbers. He shook his head.

“Is that a kid in panties?” asked one of the men in confusion.

“What’s a cute little girl like you doing here?” asked the driver.

“I’m a boy!” Jon squeaked. His face flushed crimson.

“Oh geez, sorry. Well…shit, this is awkward,” the driver replied with utmost sincerity.

“Damn, boss, why’d you have to tease him? The little guy looks just about ready to cry,” one of the burlier men said. It annoyed Jon that the man sounded genuinely reproachful.

“I feel like I’m going to end up on some watchlist looking at him,” one of the men said.

“Idiot, we’re already wanted escapees from Blackgate,” chided another.

The thieves were at a loss—they awkwardly gaped at Jon with complete bewilderment. Somehow, that just amplified Jon’s irritation and embarrassment.

Suddenly, smokebombs erupted from the men’s feet, and Jon heard the unmistakable twang of metal wires coiling and snapping together. When the mist cleared, Damian was leaning on the van with a cocky grin, and every single robber was on the ground bound by tight metal wires—somehow, even the guy in the driver seat.

“What took you so long?” Jon snapped at Damian.

“I was waiting for the right time,” Damian shrugged. His cheeks were straining from the effort to contain his laughter. “Besides, your apparent cuteness was an effective ruse.”

Jon replied by elbowing Damian in the ribs.

“I don’t get it,” the robbers’ leader said from where he was bound on the floor. “Are exposed legs a new fad with the sidekicks these days?”

“Nooo! Gah, this sucks!” Jon huffed in frustration. He stormed off, looking more like a grumpy child than ever before.

“He lost a bet,” Damian explained.

The man nodded sympathetically.


***

An explosion roared in the eastern block of Metropolis’ Shuster District, and Damian and Jon raced to the scene. But when they got there, the battle was obviously over. They were met with a frantic scene of police officers scurrying around together with emergency crews. A few yards away, Superman was overseeing the police taking a man in green metallic armor inside a truck. Batman and Nightwing came over to the boys, and stopped dead in their tracks when they got a clear look at Jon’s clothes.

An awkward silence followed as the two men stared at the two boys. Dick broke the silence first.

“Hey, isn’t that mine…?”

Damian cleared his throat. “Father, we rushed here when we heard the explosion, is everything alright?”

Batman took a few seconds to find his voice—his glare was still alternating between Damian and Jon.

“A disturbance by Metallo—one of Clark’s old enemies. It’s been taken care of. Robin, why is Superboy—“

Bruce was interrupted by Clark’s arrival. He sensed that Clark was about to say something, but stopped mid-breath when he saw Jon in the green underpants and not much else. His expression radiated pure confusion, as if his face contorted to ask “Why?”

While Batman is known for never showing emotion, he was not above breathing an exasperated sigh. Jon, for his part, just about died from embarrassment. His cheeks were as red as his father’s cape, and his knees were shivering.

Damian suddenly sensed that all eyes were on him. He spread his arms apologetically.

“He lost a bet! He agreed to wear Grayson’s old outfit! I didn’t do anything wrong!”

Dick got behind the two boys and wrapped his arms around their shoulders.

“Don’t worry, super dads, I got this.”


***

Dick, Damian and Jon were perched on a rooftop. The previous evening’s chill gave way to a humid haze that settled over lower Gotham.

“This is stupid,” Damian grumbled.

“No it’s not, Robin,” Dick said gently. “Consider this as training on how to observe teamwork and respect for your partner.”

“How is this supposed to teach me anything?” Damian demanded as he gestured at his outfit. He was wearing a zipped jacket with Superman’s ‘S’ logo, just like Jon. He sported red sneakers, and he didn’t have a mask on. Most aggravating of all, he was forced to wear denim shorts that were cut off above the knee. Damian thought it was utterly ridiculous.

“This,” Dick began explaining, “is your punishment for making Jon go through wearing my costume without my permission. Besides, Damian looks cuter with shorts, doesn’t he, Jon?”

The skyline’s bright lights reflected on Jon’s suddenly-pink cheeks. He didn’t look at either Dick or Damian.

“Well, I wouldn’t say it like that…” Jon said timidly.

“I swear, Kent. Not. A. Word.”

Damian jumped off the roof. Before Dick followed him, Jon could’ve sworn Dick gave him a wink.

Jon jumped off after them. He was sure that laughing at Damian didn’t need any words.