How to Flirt with a Queen like Jon Snow -Finale Update
Step 1) Challenge her: Whatever you do, don’t bend the knee. Be defiant & irrational as hell!
Step 2) Casually drop BDSM subtext into conversation
Step 3) Be Mysterious : Just when your wingmam builds up your backstory, stop him as he is about to disclose the most intriguing information about you. A little something for her to think about when you’re not around.
Step 4) Casually throw in your man-pain into the mix during casual chit chat as you brood and sombrely stare in the distance. Sun setting over the sea in the backdrop helps the aesthetic.
Step 5) Take her to a pretty cave. Girls love dimly lit caves for first dates.
Step 6) Introduce her to your hobbies and interests, which in your case is white walkers and white walkers alone. Couples who nerd out together stay together.
Step 7) Establish non-sexual physical contact to make sure that you’re welcome in her personal space.
Step 8) Tell her you believe in her when she comes to you with a problem. She wants someone to listen, not to problem solve.
Step 9) The key to every single mother’s heart is, gain your future step childrens’ trust. Since her kids are literal fire breathing dragons who could kill you, it’s high risk, high reward. But if you succeed…Boom Overies!
Step 10) When your competition tries to steal your thunder to impress your girl, activate full alpha male irrational mode. It’s a bad plan but it’s worth it because you found out that she fears for your life more.
Step 11) Leave her with a fearless warrior’s goodbye, like the smooth talking bastard you are and hope that she misses you half as much as you did when you waited for her
at the cliff
daily hoping she would return safely from battle.
Step 12) Oh shit she flirted back. Shit…shit…shit…you weren’t prepared for this. Be cool, Jon! Quick, say something normal and Kingly.
Step 13) No situation is too dire to not check in and send a raven to bae, even when a hoard of ice zombies are chasing you. Especially, when a hoard of ice zombies is chasing you, because now that your jealous alpha male daze has passed, you can see that your plan sucks and only bae can save the day.
Step 14) Admire her badassery when she literally descends from the sky on a firebreathing dragon like the angel of death here to save you in your most hopeless moment. Congratulations! You now know how much she loves you. If you are the shortest person in the squad, shove them aside to check out bae.
Step 15) Don’t miss the opportunity to put your heroics on display. If you swing your sword like a total badass, maybe she’ll want to hold your other sword later.
Step 16) Even while dying of hypothermia flex your chest and abs when she’s looking. Gotta be hot and mysterious with those scars until your dying breath.
Step 17) Comfort her as she grieves, apologise for the plan that caused her great loss and most of all now that she’s all in, bend the fucking knee already.
Step 18) Come up with a cute an endearing nickname for her and casually slip it into conversation.
Step 19) Now that you know she has triggering memories of that nickname, settle for her greatest kink instead.
Step 20) Did she just hold your hand? Yes! It really is her greatest kink! Now that you are on on a winning streak like the smooth bastard you are and there’s solid hand holding action going on, don’t let go. Hold on tighter and look at her with those longing direwolf puppy eyes and beg her to stay. You might be at the brink of death but you’ve died before, no big deal, you can muster the strength to bone.
Step 21) Well how about that you horny idiot? You read all the signs wrong! Now is not the time, she’s grieving. Close your eyes to escape this awkward situation before you die of embarrassment and pretend to sleep. You’re doing great sweetie.
Step 22) Declare your loyalty to her at the least opportune time. It might seem ill advised, but you’re not here for politics, you’re here to look sexy in your furcoat & turn on your woman.
Step 23) Now that she’s completely onboard with your zombie killing interests, learn more about her heritage & culture. ‘Couples who nerd out together, stay together’ is a two way street. Gotta learn everything about Dragons & High Valarian quotes.
Step 24) You’ve been a defiant & unimpressed bad boy all this time but in her most hopeless moment, confess how amazing she is in your eyes.
Step 25) As someone who has come back to life even though the witch performing the ritual didn’t believe she could do it, you dont buy into magic birth control setup by low level witches. Slip your ability to impregnate her casually into conversation.
Step 26) Invite her on your boat, nothing sets the room like a romantic cruise.
Step 27) Come on Jon, you’ve fought zombies! Don’t be afraid to ride the dragon…knock on her door already & just barge in like the smooth & take charge bastard you are.
Step 28) Take a moment to really appreciate & let it sink in that you actually are balls deep in your Queen. You did it Jonny boy! You do know some things ;)
Step 1) When the Lord of Light’s ancient tinder brings you a match, swipe right and send a raven to invite him over to your place for some solid knee bending action.
Step 2) Casually drop the kind of dirty talk that works for him, like how you have all the resources to kill White Walkers just lying there on Dragonstone.
Step 3) A fabulous entrance: Shine like a diamond with your perfected Dragon Queen persona. You are the most powerful woman in the world after all.
Step 4) No matter how thick he is, gracefully lay it on him that if he wants to take things slow, at some point in this relationship, there’s going to be some solid knee bending action required on his behalf.
Step 6) If your dad did something super crazy to his family, like maybe gruesomely murder a relative or two, be the bigger person and apologise.
Step 7) Honesty is the key to every successful relationship. Tell him about life experience, your troubles, your issues and your dreams but also be intimidating AF about it.
Step 8) If he still doesn’t get it, offer him a royal suite, a warm bath & supper. He deserves to be pampered like a King.
Step 9) Give him meaningful gifts which are precious to him without expecting anything in return. He’s not your average gold digger, he’s a Drogonglass digger! So just casually give him all your dragonglass mines.
But also be super chill & Queenly about it… Like you aren’t even thinking about checking him out as he walks away.
Step 11) Get to know him. Take interest in his hobbies and interests - dragonglass, caves, ice zombies, fighting & ancient cave paintings featuring those interests. He might be a weirdo, but he’s your weirdo now!
Step 12) Now that he’s shown you some proof of these ice zombies he keeps raving about and he’s looking at you with those big brown direwolf puppy eyes, promise to protect him and his people.
Step 13) But close the distance, speak in a low sultry voice and hope that in this intimate dimly lit setup, he finally understands that now it’s his turn to bend the knee & explore your cave.
Step 14) Stop messing around and call him a ‘King’ in your sexiest voice.
Step 15) Casually invite him into your inner circle, when diplomats are failing you, seek your King’s counsel. #Power Couples Rule
Step 16) Introduce your kids to him now that you are getting serious about him to check if he fares well with children.
Step 17) Subtly try to ask him to take his shirt off. You know, for science, or whatever…nothing fishy here, you’re just curious about how he survived a knife to the heart.
Step 18) Make him jealous when he’s playing too hard to get. You have options, he needs to know that!
Step 19) Shit, jealousy backfired! You didn’t expect him to be this suicidal and competitive. Quick, find the words to express your heartfelt concern for his safety. Whatever you do Dany, don’t say something Queenly…
Step 20) Now that you don’t know if you’ll ever see him again, look at him longingly & let the Queenly mask fall. Come on sweetie, feelings aren’t that hard.
Step 21) When bae needs you, strap on your prettiest coat, get on your dragon and it’s ride or die to save his suicidal ass.
Step 22) You not only lost your child but also your future husband. What’s even the point of anything anymore? Stare into the abyss of the snow covered white waste hoping by some miracle he comes back to you.
Step 23) He returned from the dead & after seeing his sexy scars, you know he’s quite literally done that too. You love & admire him, stop fighting it & take your time sailing back to stay by his bedside as he recovers instead of flying.
Step 24) Now that he evoked your greatest kink & called you his queen, make the move, but in a totally chill & ladylike way.
Step 25) Oh he wants to bone? Right now? This escalated quickly! Since he’s a King in a world obsessed with producing heirs, be completely honest about the future and leave him to decide what he wants when he’s less horny.
Step 26) Now that you’re less angry & more turned on by his public declaration of loyalty for you at the worst possible moment, drop some sexy Valarian quotes on him & show him what a worldly & unburnt last dragon you are!
Step 27) After this magically undead man challenged the legitimacy of your birth control curse, give him a chance to help you make an heir.
Step 28) Make up a totally lame reason to once again take slow transit with him instead of flying so that you can get this “military alliance” successfully up and running, if you know what I mean ;)
Congratulations, the knee is finally bent in the way you wanted it!
You feel a strong sense of deja vu as you stand at yet another party watching the black haired asshole groping a girl that is sitting on his lap.
There were slight differences between the two times. This girl is a brunette, they’re sitting down, you’re alone… but the biggest difference of all is that you know, this time, that Jungkook wouldn’t be on your bed later this evening, waiting for you to finish your shower so he can jump on you.