those are best used with my brain completely on

Night blogging because I need to sort out my thoughts

If you’ve ever thought about getting first aid training, but wondered if you’d ever use it, get it. Seriously, get it.

I had it years ago and didn’t think I actually remembered anything. But today, one of my best friends passed out on my front walk. Head first on the concrete. For about thirty seconds, her eyes were open, but she was unconscious and unresponsive, and those thirty seconds felt like thirty minutes as my brain went into full on panic mode, fearing the absolute worst, because I couldn’t even tell if she was breathing.

But in those thirty seconds, completely on autopilot, I’d already started the initial assessment and the first stages of ABC, directed the nearest person to call 911, and figured out where to send them for the nearest defibrillator. If you asked me before, I couldn’t tell you where it was, but that autopilot mode knew. It remembered that training, and was apparently taking notes on defibrillators, even if my conscious brain had no idea.

It didn’t come to the C part. She started coming around, the paramedics arrived, and though either the fall or whatever caused it broke her short term memory for the better part of a day, she’s home and with her family now. I am so, so glad she’s okay. And I’m going to ask to re-up my training next time it comes around at work, because I just had first-hand experience in how important is is that, in an emergency, at least part of you knows what the hell you’re supposed to do.

anonymous asked:

I'm the anon from before with the self harm and wanting to get back to literature message- I've had a really rough day, feeling the urge to cut pretty much since I woke up, and I think I might do it tonight, but I'm trying so hard to keep 2015 clean. I just wanted to tell someone that I'm trying, but it is so tiring, all the time. Do you have any advice and/or quotations (I collect them for the hard times) for when you feel like you are battling your own brain? Thanks- you guys are a lifeline x

Hi darling! Thank you so much for coming here. It means the world to us and me included. When we are battling ourselves, this is when our most sacred and powerful emotions and thoughts flood our brain. Don’t let it cloud your judgement. Recognize how you feel by all means, but keep reminding yourself: 5 SECONDS, IT ONLY TAKES FIVE SECONDS TO DISRUPT MY PROGRESS. And don’t feel down about this. BUT REMEMBER BUILDING UP THAT PROCESS TOOK INFINITELY LONGER than the moment you needed to feel something on your body. Feel it in your words, your tears, a story, a movie, but do not take it out on yourself. When we are down the last thing we want to read are shallow, lame happy dippy quotes. We want to connect, we want to feel. Your feelings are so real but not to be trusted at this moment. Remember that. IT HAPPENS TO US ALL. You are creating your inner poetry, and love. Don’t let darkness come in, you’ve come so far. THESE ARE SOME QUOTES THAT REMIND ME OF having the urge to connect to literature without sulking.  Literature is born when something in life goes slightly adrift.”— Simone de Beauvoir, from The Prime Of Life  ^ This one to me means our experiences, neither are good or bad, we create our poetry. Each of us are books, with many chapters, words, and some blank pages in between. You are pure literature, my darling. You know happiness and pain, you are a complete human being. You’ve experienced it all within your body and the walls of your brain. DO not think you are missing anything. On the contrary, you feel too much, you love too much, you understand too much and this is a blessing, not a burden. Those who feel the most love the best because they know what it is like to shut off the lights inside your head for a moment. Turn them back on! TURN THEM BACK ON. PLS!“I’d rather be happy and odd than miserable and ordinary." 
Michelle Magorian Good Night, Mr. Tom^ I adore this one, and I think you will too. Most problems arise from anxieties and worries we have embedded into our brain. REMEMBER THEY ARE IN YOUR BRAIN, NOT YOUR SOUL. YOU ARE NOT YOUR DEMONS, THEY ARE NOT EVEN PART OF YOU. They are details. They are a little textures, they are the scruff you find on beautiful leather bound journals. They only add to your dimension, your progress, your personality, and your edge. They are small traces and fractions of stories, feelings, sincerity and pathways out and into yourself. That’s it. No more. They are a little texture. We all have and need a little grit. =) Because you know pain of the self, you experience more beauty than most. I aim to be
but my
hands still
and my voice
isn’t quite
Michelle K., Earning Your Roar.
^This is you my little darling. You have so much fire in your heart and in your veins. Don’t let it spill out. keep it inside, draw from your fire. Don’t cut into it. Realize how much feeling you are. It is not bad. It is pure, it is sincere. It is the most gentle thing you will create. See yourself the way I see you. You are so much than the war inside your head. That war inside your head makes you more empathetic, understanding and loving to those around you. If you can love them, you can love yourself twice as more. You have a galaxy inside your heart and because you do, because it feels like it will explode, you want a way out. Don’t think about it like this. Invest your energy elsewhere. Maybe time didn’t heal wounds exactly, but it gave you a kind of armor, or a new perspective. A way to remember with a smile instead of a sob. 
Kristin Hannah, Night Road

^You are an armor. All of you, your entire body is coated in strength. Don’t let it get bitter. This is your personal poetry. Write it. Move on from your drafts, write your life the way you want to see it. 

"Human beings
are made of water–-

we were not designed
to hold ourselves together

rather run freely
like oceans
like rivers” -Beau Taplin 

^ A reminder that you are strong, and simply human. You were never made of glass, you are strength. And because you are strength you feel so much. This is your edge, not your curse. We all hurt, we all laugh, some of us just keep inside a little longer. It’s time for you to reach into your inner motivation. You’ve come so far. 

"There is always a sheet of paper. There is always a pen. There is always a way out.”  -H. L. Mencken”

^YES! This is my personal belief. When you wake up in the middle of the night. Write, write, write, write, write. And read it over again. It will begin to resonate in your head and you will see where you can be better. Your thoughts are now tangible, and all you have to do is modify it, change your thought. This is simple. =)

And this quote always sticks with me when I am having a bad day, I don’t know who said it but it gives me strength and puts things in perspective. “Do not you burn your body to the ground. This is your home." This is a pretty bad paraphrase, but it’s true.  Protect your home. Cry it out, flush it out of your system, hell, tell some people to fuck off, but your body, this is your home. This is the only thing that can get you where you want to go in life. It is the only one that can show you the piece of the world you are missing.


No matter what happens tonight, you are only stronger and I will always think more highly of you as the days go on. You wake up, and you live. This is good enough for now, but we can be better. Let’s be. Also, seek those you love right now. Go spend some time with mom, dad, siblings or friends. Don’t give much explanations, just say you feel down and need to be distracted. =)

PLS REPLY BACK. and lmk if these quotes and their meaning behind the way i see you, comfort you. You are all fire and beauty. 

BTW, A LOVELY user told me that she was taught to hold a piece of ice in her hand until she felt better, if she ever wanted to hurt herself. 




Permission to Deviate from the Norm

Isn’t it crazy the things that we have in our heads that we “should” do–those things that absolutely no one on earth ever told us we must do…we just somehow adopted these rules for ourselves without even really thinking about it. 

I am exhausted this afternoon.  I haven’t slept normally in three days, I’ve kicked my own ass in the gym four days straight, every single day this week my mother has broken down completely on the phone when I call her for our daily check-in, and it is completely exhausting to wrack my brain about how to best parent a kid who is awesome and smart and a challenge and whose behavior sometimes brings up issues in me that I have to confront and examine and deal with so I can be a parent and not just a reactionary selfish person.

I want to sit here and eat in front of a show.  Then, I want to read a book that is what I need to make my heart happy.  And, I’m going to do that.  I don’t care that “Friday afternoon is for chores” or that “I’m not done with The Sympathizer.” Nope.  Shut up little voice in my head. Today, Friday afternoon is for reading One in a Million Boy and for watching Grey’s in my pjs at 3:30 in the afternoon with takeout Chinese.  Because my “shoulds”–they will only leave me more exhausted and frazzled. Chores will still be here tomorrow.  And, no one is forcing me to finish a book I’m not in the mood for. I’m choosing quiet, and happiness, and peacefulness, and pjs. And, holy crap what a relief that is.

Happy Friday, everyone! <3

*rubs hands* so let's do a quick summary. NO awards, as expected, came to those who tried any and everything. That means you, Weinstein.

Now, I’ve read weird things around. There is NOTHING Weinstein can do, and he KNOWS how awards work. You do all that you can, but NOTHING guarantees you a win, not even Meryl Streep (Ask Disney). So no, there won’t be “wrath” … cause he knows it’s pointless.

Have a good laugh, and prepare for more. This was hilarious. And totally expected, for me at least.

Just as a side note, that woman didn’t look pregnant at all, and she drank champagne. I monitored her glass. There WAS champagne in it and then it was gone. That’s called drinking around here.

Now what’s next… well that depends. Oscars are far more traditional than GGs, Weinstein may have more influence on them than he does on the HFPA, that doesn’t give a damn about him. But even so, it’s a VEEEERY long shot, because the movie, while nominated, didn’t win anything tonight. So actually now’s the part when we all say “Told you so”, get a large drink, sit down and watch the hilarious rest of it. Because trust me, it is going to be hilarious. For us.

I think some quite interesting developments are around the corner, judging by how NBC completely ignored the presence of the woman and only interviewed BC (they have done that with exactly NOBODY who had a plus 1 tonight, at least not while I was watching), and by how even those notorious pea brains at E! shaded the hell out of it.

It’s the dead of the night here, I shall go. This was work, so no work tomorrow morning. But for once it was actually fun. Ah, I should have put money on my predictions for best actor, cause I told my friend the other day I thought Eddie would win, and sure enough he did!

The SAGs are going to be FUUUN!


DAILY VIDEO GAME CHALLENGE - get involved and have your say!


There are a lot of wonderful female protagonists out there, and not just those with all their clothes off. And my favourite would have to be one of those select few ladies - Faith Connors of Mirror’s Edge fame. She was fearless, feisty and dedicated to saving her city from being completely and utterly dominated and controlled under the totalitarian regime of Mayor Callaghan. She fought using her brain and her hands, not her boobs or sexuality. I managed to complete the whole game without firing a single bullet, gaining me that lucrative achievement and firmly placing her in my mind as one badass mama-jamma.