thorn in my heart

Friendly (Reassuring) Reminder

No matter what happens in ACOWAR, no matter what shit Tamlin or Hybern or Jurian pulls, always remember:

We have Amren.

We have Amren, and the promise from SJM that we’ll find out her true nature. 

And when we do, those boys better run

There is one recurring theme comes up in Cress’s short story “After Sunshine Passes By”, the novels (especially “Winter”) and “Wires and Nerve” in regard to Cress and Thorne and that’s the medal of courage and extraordinary heroism.

During Cress’s time in the lava tubes, she often escaped into her fantasy - in one of them she imagined to be an infantry soldier, earning herself a medal of courage:

At nine years old, Crescent Moon was the youngest infantry soldier in Luna’s great warrior army. She stood at perfect attention in the front line of her platoon—back straight as a pin and arms locked at her sides. She was proud of her service to the queen. Already she had been hailed for her bravery and even honored with a medal of courage from Commander-General Sybil Mira after the battle of—

“Crescent.” Mistress’s voice interrupted the fantasy, and Cress snapped a fist to her heart in salute. “Yes, Commander—um, I mean, Mistress?”

But at this point, the 9-year old, too scared to oppose Sybil, doesn’t think she deserves one:

[Sybil] stopped in front of Cress and turned to face her. Cress cowered, though she wished that she hadn’t. There would be no medal of bravery today.

Courage and bravery are a big part of Cress’s journey. Cress, as we know, likened herself to a damsel in distress, thinking that she would need a hero to save her. Cress always thought throughout “Cress” and “Winter” that she was too scared and helpless to be heroic, even though in dire circumstances she not only pulled through but was way braver and heroic than she gave herself credit for (as when she opened the gates of the hangar under ceasefire, so the others could escape or, similarly, when she stayed behind to help Winter and Scarlet, to just name a few instances). Cress had been a hero all along who only needed to realise it herself.

In “Winter”, the medal comes up again. This time, it’s Cress who assumes that maybe President Vargas granted Thorne a medal for his heroic deeds during the rebellion:

She considered. “He’s giving you a medal of honor for your bravery?

Thorne gets the Rampion instead but what’s important is that Cress fully believes that Thorne deserves a medal. And in “Wires and Nerves”? He actually gets one for “bravery and extraordinary heroism”, along with the title of honorary captain:

But what does that Thorne do when he reunites with Cress and she once again impresses him with her intelligence and courage and saves him rather than the other way around? He bestows his medal to her just as he said he would in his speech because she proved once again that she deserved it:

And I love that those two, who struggled so much to find their own courage and their own way of being heroic and who inspired each other to become braver than they could have been on their own, actually get their medal and share it.

Because they’re both heroes.

Beautiful <3

“You’re stuck with me now, you know. There’s no turning back for you, no leaving me, no changing your mind. We’re bound for eternity.”

“So be it, you stupid bat lord ♥.”


Here’s my part for my art/fanfic trade with @a-court-of-chronicles! I loved your Nessian fic, m’dear ♥ *shoots you with feysand fluff*. Also those of you who want the images from the gif for edits/icons, let me know; I’ll upload them seperately!

I just can’t bury it all like most people can. I can’t push it out of my mind. Every moment of every day there is a war in me that wreaks havoc and destroys my insides. My brain is endlessly battered with waves of doubt and guilt and my heart is wrapped in thorns that grow tighter and tighter, squeezing the life out of me. All I can do is wait and watch and hope that after it all eventually burns down, my soul will have a chance to rebuild itself from the smoldering wreckage.
—  Z.M. 

Just One Word January BPC
Day 28: Sub-Genre


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i crush her hard against the shrieking banshee in my heavy chest and i thank her:
for the life and the memories and the heartache, for planting herself so deep inside my heart i spit thorns and petals every night.
i tuck her in between the ragged shadows of my weary soul and i thank her:
for the joy and the laughter and the suffering; for rooting herself so deep inside my bones she can pull me apart at the first sign of spring.

after all, i asked for it when i fell in love.

—  hades went willingly too
I thought you planted harmless flowers around my heart, until I realized it has thorns – hideous and painful. You left a mark in my body, it was deadly. You left a hole in my heart, it was lethal. It felt like dying was the only way to fill it. Life without you is like the waves leaving the shore. Like a broken cassette tape. Loving you drained me in all aspect, because loving you is like inhaling a smoke until I can no longer catch air. I loved you. You felt the same way. Though not how much as I did, because you only see my broken pieces when I see you as a salient crystal.
—  2/26/17; zeus
Rhysand’s selective feminism

I’ve been thinking about Rhysand’s character lately and how he seems to be this paragon of feminism. I’m aware that there have already been discussions of his behavior in ACOTAR, drugging Feyre, etc. and how his behavior there was not the best (to summarize a complex issue poorly). But, I want to focus on his role as High Lord, specifically, the way he handles the Court of Nightmares, and the Night Court culture in general. If there has been an in-depth discussion of this, someone please let me know and point the way (but also, new perspective and not everyone has been hanging around the fandom from the beginning).

Quick thanks to @acowar​ for talking with me about a few of these ideas, even though we definitely have our differences of opinion. :)

Basically, it has been bothering me that Rhysand is supposed to be such a feminist and seems supportive of females having agency, but he condones the culture that exists in the Night Court. His support of female agency is actually very limited to the women he is close to (IE Morrigan and Feyre. I don’t think we’ll count Amren here because she is just her own creature, clearly). But he doesn’t extend this in any meaningful way to females in the Night Court when he could, and in my opinion, should.

We should probably establish the culture of the Night Court/Court of Nightmares first. This is a culture that led to Mor’s virginity and power being sold to the highest bidder, a practice that seems to have been common and completely acceptable to Rhysand’s father, as he was unwilling to help his niece out of this situation.

“For all her power, all her wildness, she had no voice, no rights with those people. And my father didn’t particularly care if his cousins used their offspring as breeding stock.” (chp. 41 – my emphasis – I’ll come back to that later.)

This is a culture that allowed Mor to be brutalized by her family in ways that we don’t fully understand outside of the concrete fact that she had a note nailed into her body. This is a Court that half-heartedly tries to combat the Illyrian practice of clipping the wings of female Illyrians so that they are stuck at home breeding.

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I can’t say how much I feel grateful to Kaiba on the DSoD.

I’ve fallen in love with Atem in 2004, when he has already gone. It has been so painful to love someone who is already ‘dead’ for 12 years, even if he’s merely a fictional character. Now frankly speaking, even his starring appearance in the BBT failed to truely make me rejoice; it couldn’t change my mind like, “But he’s dead anyway.”

Seto, however, has finally removed that thorn that has been fiercely pricking my heart. His undeterred conviction and the bond with Atem have eventually proved that Atem is living somewhere the way we do, that the difference is he’s just living in another dimension known as netherworld.

Thank you Seto, thank you so much for providing me with the concrete evidence that “Atem is ALIVE.”

he utters the Lord’s name into my sun-kissed skin. it feels like a greeting, a homecoming, after a long and freezing journey. he calms me when I recoil in shame, kisses the soft of my stomach and the thorns of my heart until I become soft waves of tender emotions. a piano tune in harmony with my poetic thoughts. a body responding to its lover’s mind.

I’m afraid to wake up, for fear of seeing my faith renewed in his eyes but he breaks me into something holy. like I am a religion he wants to be baptized in.

I tell him the honey has run dry and the doves have been shot down. that the stars are buried in blood, and my savior has walked out.

he says, 

we’ve got silver halos on our skin, darling, and god in our wounds.

so what if he has left us? he’s left us with enough fruits to bloom in whoever we want. 

this stubborn boy says, I’ve enough time to grow
into a woman with cathedral eyes
or a mountain goddess who moves in sinful ways.

he looks at me with an atheist’s eyes
& believes divinity exists
in the fragments of my mortal soul.

—  SILVER HALOS // Patricia Camille Antony