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(( OOC: Finally threw this crack together. *slides it across the table in a brown paper bag* )) 

@ohtheclevernessofme1972

Family

The Hobbit x Reader

“And who do you think you are? A woman, traveling in the company of dwarves? It’s preposterous!”

You hold back the urge to roll your eyes. This unibrow-man has really been getting on your nerves. Now even more so because he’s singled you out because you’re a woman. Not the first time this has happened.

Snow begins to fall gently around you, and you hold your chin high. “No reason that concerns you.” The man scowls, and you go back to stand next to your company. But you’re stopped by someone grabbing your wrist, and you’re pulled back into his leering stare.

“You will tell me, or I will force you to.” He scowls down at you, and you wrinkle your nose at the sour smell of his breath and his yellowing teeth that are too close to your face for your liking.

Thorin rushes forward and shoves him. Hard.

“You will not lay another hand on her,” he hisses.

“Or you’ll have to answer to us, brow-man!” Bofur adds, straightening up to make himself look taller. All it does, though, is puff out his chest ridiculously. You crack a small smile at his efforts.

Fili and Kili step in front of you next, and you would never mess with the deadly stares they’re sending towards the man. He slinks backwards slowly, obviously intimidated by anyone who shows even the slightest bit of authority over him. Balin takes your hand and pulls you beside him and Dwalin, who is staring down some of the people of Laketown around you.

You smile to yourself. You know that the rest of the Company knows that you can handle yourself, but they still came to your aid. You squeeze Balin’s hand a little bit tighter as you join ranks with your friends, now family. To think you almost didn’t join this quest. Who knows where you would be without your brother.

Imagine discovering that it was not Ori, who drew Bilbo's portrait, but that it was Thorin

You: *admires Bilbo’s drawing*
Thorin: * has been secretly working on one of you for months* *has literally filled an entire sketchbook with doodles and studies of you*
You: * notices that every member of the company, but you, has one* *feels left out* Bilbo: I’m sure he’s working on one of you.

*later the contents of Thorin’s bag have been dumped by his nephews and you help him clean up*
You : what’s this? *noticing his open sketch book*
Thorin : * squawks*

youtube

@theload - Was this the scene you were talking about? I only realised how familiar the lines were as I was rehearsing them.

I recorded this about a year ago, and I still love it.

I would love to voice a dragon someday.

(Side note: I am so stoked to start adding more videos to my YouTube page!)

Beauty and the Beast is the Hobbit

really though. it’s kind of bizarre

We begin with a prologue. A male narrator tells us the story of a secluded kingdom/palace that fell into decay..

The narrator then tells us how his kingdom/palace fell into ruin. The ruler of the kingdom/palace became selfish and heartless, obsessed with one of the “seven deadly sins”: (vanity or greed).

Their selfishness drew a powerful evil magic (an enchantress or a dragon.)

It also drew a curse. The enchantress caused the Prince to turn into a beast. There’s a similar concept in the Hobbit. The gold   in Erebor causes the people who obsess over it to get “dragon sickness”– a sort of curse which turns them into gold-obsessed  “dragons” (beasts on the inside )….

After this dark prologue, we transition to a beautiful sunny provincial town. It’s a lovely place, but every day is the same as the day before. These hobbits/ townspeople are fussy and simpleminded. They care a lot about tradition and being “respectable.” They deeply mistrust anything new, exciting, or unfamiliar…..

We meet our second hero- a naiive and very bookish person whose name starts with a B. They can have a snarky sense of humor. They “don’t take anyone’s shit” and are far stronger than they look. They can be proud, even a little arrogant at times, but they’re very soft-hearted. They are a “pure cinammon roll.”

This person’s greatest, defining strength is their compassion. They can see the good in everyone, even in creatures who look like monsters (Belle falls in love with the Beast; Bilbo takes pity even on Gollum)

They also have a parent known for being crazy/unconventional– Belle has her father Maurice, Bilbo has his mother Belladonna Took.

Both the protagonists are different from the other simple farmer-villagers because they want more than just a simple  life.

They long for adventure….

And they’re eventually dragged into an adventure, against their will.

Our protagonist is forced to meet the The Dwarf-King/the Beast-Prince. This person is brooding, intimidating, and glowering. He rarely smiles. He has a dramatic cloak and an uncontrollable temper. He has a Tragic Past, a bizarre troop of followers, and (secretly) a good heart. 

Deep in this King/Prince’s castle is his special glowing Secret Artifact you really shouldn’t touch (Seriously don’t he will FREAK OUT). The reason why the King/Prince needs the protagonist has something to do with this enchanted artifact….


The protagonist makes an agreement to stay with the King/Prince (Belle makes a promise, Bilbo signs a contract.)

They get to know the Prince/King and his more approachable but still very weird group of followers. When the King/Prince isn’t there,  these followers sing an upbeat song to the protagonist as they expertly prepare/clean up after dinner (Be our Guest and That’s What Bilbo Baggins Hates.) Their song is so upbeat you forget they’re singing it to a captive audience.

Meanwhile, the relationship between the Prince/Dwarf-king and the protagonist gets off to a very rocky start. The Prince/King secretly cares about the protagonist (later risking his life multiple times for them) but refuses to show it. Instead he acts cold, dismissive, and controlling. The protagonist, meanwhile, doesn’t know that beneath his cold facade the Prince/King really does have a heart.

Their relationship reaches a breaking point when the protagonist makes an innocent mistake, and The Prince/King lashes out at them….

The protagonist decides that, even though they promised to stay/signed a contract, they can’t do this any longer. They try to leave….


But a wolf attack changes everything.

The Prince/King defends the protagonist from wolves (or guys riding on wolves).He’s gravely injured by one of these wolves.

 The protagonist then saves his life in return.

This near-death experience brings them closer together.

The Prince realizes he was wrong about the protagonist, and about himself…

”Bittersweet and strange, finding you can change, learning you were wrong!” Versus “I have never been so wrong in all my life.” 


There’s a lot of bonding between the Prince/King and the protagonist. The Prince/King becomes kinder, gentler. Their affection for the protagonist, and the protagonist’s kindness to them, makes the Prince/King more openly compassionate. Things are really looking up. It looks like the curse will be overcome (the Beast will become human, and Thorin won’t get the “dragon sickness” that drove his grandfather mad.)

But there’s another force to be reckoned with– a handsome, vain antagonist who loathes the Beast/the Dwarf….

(“I use antlers in all of my decorating!”)

This antagonist convinces everyone the Beast/Dwarf is evil and subhuman. (He’s very against the film’s Beast/human or dwarf/elf relationship).  He rallies a massive force to kill the Prince/King.

The protagonist, armed only with one of the Prince//King’s prized sparkly artifacts (the Mirror/the Arkenstone), tries to convince them to stop. But this only makes things worse.




At one point the Prince/King tells the protagonist to leave. Then the Prince/King, feeling betrayed and hopeless, becomes “beast-like” again. The enemy is at his doorstep but he refuses to fight,  resigned to his fate. One of his servants/followers tries to convince him to join the battle, but fails. Let them come, the Prince King thinks, let them destroy everything– he’ll remain holed up in his castle. He lets his servants/Dain’s troops fight his battle for him.

His servants/Dain’s army does well without him at first, but eventually he’s forced to join the fray. He fights one-on-one against an army/mob’s leader. There’s a moment where he thinks he’s defeated his foe….but then his enemy launches a surprise attack, stabs him, and mortally wounds him. Yet by killing the Prince/King, the evil guy also ends up killing himself. 

The protagonist rushes to the dying Prince/King’s side, blaming themselves for causing his death. The Prince/King, meanwhile, has finally redeemed himself. He apologizes for the way he acted in the past (“maybe it’s better this way”) and speaks lovingly about how wonderful the protagonist is, and how glad they are to see them one last time. The protagonist, meanwhile,  desperately insists that he will be all right.

But he isn’t. He dies. The protagonist collapses, weeping.

But then he comes back to life because love!!! In one of the films, anyway. In the other he is 50000 percent dead

BONUS:

Both films have animated and live-action adaptations. In the live-action adaptations, Ian McKellan plays one of the Prince’s allies (Cogsworth/Gandalf) while Luke Evans plays one of his adversaries (Gaston/Bard).

TL;DR: A Tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme, Bilbo and the Dwarf (or: the Burglar and the Beast?)

2

So it was that after Azanulbizar the Dwarves dispersed again…the allies went away to their own countries, and Dáin Ironfoot led his father’s people back to the Iron Hills. Then standing by the great stake, Thráin said to Thorin Oakenshield: ‘Some would think this head dearly bought! At least we have given our kingdom for it. Will you come with me back to the anvil? Or will you beg your bread at proud doors?’

‘To the anvil,’ answered Thorin. ‘The hammer will at least keep the arms strong, until they can wield sharper tools again.’

Durin’s Folk, LOTR Appendix A

cant believe peter jackson had his crew take apart a tree limb by limb, label the pieces, transport them, reassemble them exactly as they were, and attach hand painted leaves, all for a shot no longer than a few seconds, just so we would see that bilbo baggins’ home is built under an oak tree, but sure he wasnt meant to be with thorin goddamn oakenshield

“I saw the light fade from the sky
On the wind I heard a sigh
As the snowflakes cover
My fallen brothers
I will say this last goodbye” (x)

yes, i cried while drawing this. I’ll never forget my king.