this-takes-balls

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Thyme has no idea how to play group fetch. He just follows 😂

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anonymous asked:

greg universe and carol swapped outfits? or greg and carol dating? i wanna see the good parents together tbh

“I’m really sorry that my son wrecked your dojo while fighting that monster! Y’know, gem stuff. Hehe…”

“Don’t worry about it, Mr. Universe! That’s nothing new here in the plaza. Sorry about my baby breaking your van…”

“Hey, it’s fine! It’s seen worse. How ‘bout we take these two shtoo-balls for some after-monster-fighting treat?”

“That’s a great idea! C’mere, baby, We’ll take us out for ice cream!”

actual, iconic english dubbed jjba lines i’ve caught so far:

  • why isn’t anyone taking my little metal balls seriously!?
  • you’re not going anywhere, dickheads
  • good freakin’ grief
  • tell me i’m lucky you ball-less little butt-munch
Snake Sauna: How to Solve Stuck Shed

Stuck shed can be a concern for any new ball python keeper. For those encountering stuck shed for the first time, it is common to hear others suggest soaking your ball python in warm water. When we take a look at ball python behavior, Ball pythons would not naturally sit in bodies of water, but instead find a burrow in the ground which maintains humidity. Furthermore, being placed in a body of water can be very stressful to the animal. Instead, it is better to make a Snake Sauna which raises the humidity level to remove stuck without placing your snake in a scary situation.

Aside from natural behavior, it should not be necessary to soak your ball python. Ball pythons require a constant humidity of at least 55%, using a digital hygrometer to measure. If the humidity is any lower it could risk dehydration of the snake. Dehydration, soaking in a water bowl, and stuck shed are signs of incorrect husbandry and should be addressed as soon as possible.

Supplies:
Home storage bin with locking lid, preferably without ventilation holes
Coco husk chips (or your favorite water holding substrate)
Water proof, digital thermometer
Warm water (90-95 degrees)
Large towel

Grab your home storage tub and make sure it’s clean. A tub without holes is preferable because it will be better to keep the humidity in. Ball pythons do not have a quick respiratory rate and locking lid bins are not air tight, so a suffocating snake will not be a concern.

Fill the bottom of the tub with 1-2 inches of coconut chip. The coco chip should be slightly moist before starting.

Next, grab some hot water. The water should be 90-95 degrees, be sure to measure it with your thermometer so it doesn’t get too hot! 

Fill the coco husk approximately halfway with water and place the lid on the tub immediately.

Go get the snake, place it in the tub, and replace the lid. 

Then throw a towel over the top. The towel will help to make the snake feel secure and hidden.

Leave the snake alone, in the box for 15-20 minutes. As the snake moves through the coco chips, aided by the humidity, it should rub off most, if not all, of the stuck shed.

After the time has passed, remove the towel. You can see how the warm water raised the humidity and fogged up the tub. That’s good news, it means your sauna is working!

Next you can check on the snake.

 Most of the stuck shed should be rubbed off, however if there are still some stuck pieces you may want to add a little more hot water and try again for another 10 minutes.

The whole story - A theory

Alright, everyone. Here’s my take on what I think happened, chronologically…

Backstory

Mark and Selene fall in love and are married. Colonel and Selene have an affair, and Mark gets suspicious and hires Detective, who finds out what’s going on. Selene eventually leaves Mark for Colonel, but Mark wants to “remain friends” in order to exact revenge. Mark becomes a celebrity.

Proof of affair (it’s not much, but I feel it adds to the story): 

Mark begins to dabble in the occult as part of his revenge plan. He buys this new mansion. By this time, he is deep into some dark shit, which is why Selene has always had a bad feeling about the house. Darkiplier is forming.


The Party

Mark’s plan for revenge is complete. He invites everyone to the party. He invites the Colonel because, revenge. He invites Damien because they’re close friends and he’d be easier to possess, he invites the Detective so that the Colonel will be blamed for the murder, and he invites us because we are spiritually attuned. (Not super confident on the “us” reason.)

So, everyone arrives and is partying it up. However, the butler is serving spiked drinks, either at Mark’s command or, more likely, without knowing they’ve been spiked.. I mean, we take one sip, trip BALLS, forget 99% of the night, and pass out. Seemingly so does everyone else. Additionally, whatever is in these drinks causes violent tendencies and anger - we flip people off, Colonel brings out his gun, the Detective straight-up punches us. I’m guessing some of the drinks have Ketamine, PCP, or something similar. During this time where everyone is out of it, Mark lures the Colonel elsewhere, and uses the drug’s effects to provoke the Colonel into killing him. The Colonel remembers nothing, or hopes it was all a bad dream. Mark possesses Damien.

Violence/anger collage:

Note: it is possible that Mark simply killed himself in a sacrifice, but that’s less fun.


The Day After

We find Mark’s body (it falling was either Mark fucking with us, or just a cool video choice), and Damien(Mark) sees that Colonel isn’t around. He goes to see if Colonel is upset, and finds that the Colonel doesn’t even care that Mark is dead. This gravely upsets Damien(Mark), but he plays it cool and plays his character well. He allows everyone to shift blame around, all the while knowing that the Detective will finger the Colonel as the murderer.

However, Mark knows that getting revenge on only one half of the cheating duo isn’t enough. He needs full revenge. He knows that the Colonel would tell Selene where he was that night, and that she’d show up eventually when he didn’t return home. However, Mark was not expecting Selene to be in-tune with the occult, thus Damien(Mark)’s exclamation, “I just didn’t think that you were the type to become mixed up in all this.” Fortunately for Mark, her powers aren’t too powerful. Mark is able to manipulate the seance in order to get everyone outside and away from Selene. Although Selene isn’t fond of Damien (“I don’t need help, especially from you,” presumably because he took Mark’s side during the affair), Damien(Mark) stays behind, preparing revenge.

Damien(Mark) attempts to kill/possess Selene, but her practice with the occult causes things to go awry. Instead of things being easy, like Damien, Selene fights back, and we see the flashes of lights and Selene’s torn apparition. George closes the door, but Selene is killed and her body is destroyed in Mark’s attempt, as is Damien’s. 

Sensing his plan is going awry, Mark then attempts to possess you. He is mildly successful but is unable to complete a full possession. Mark, not fully grasping us, leads us to the room that points to the Colonel being guilty, allowing the Colonel to find us there. This results in a scuffle that Mark hopes results in our death, and it does. As we die, we hear a deep voice say “It’s me.”

At this point, Selene and Damien are no more. Darkiplier is using visions of people we trusted in order to manipulate us. Selene is red. Damien is blue. But who is in the middle, grey? Mark’s body. Mark. “Let me in.” “You have a choice here,” but being given no choice. We are being manipulated. This is Darkiplier. Our body is then brought back, driving the Colonel mad, and our mind/soul is left behind.

2

Requested by @mikazau

So, the idea he gave me is an Elf Prince Yuri and Otabek’s first meeting. The setting is a masquerade ball that’s attended by representatives of each race (Elves, dwarves, humans, etc.). In this piece, Yuri, the Elf Prince whom everybody knows by name but not by face, wanted to sneak out of the castle (the host is a human lord and the ball takes place at his castle) to maybe explore the castle and see how human city looks like, but unfortunately, he’s spotted by Otabek, a knight working in the castle, who only recognised him as a guest of the ball.

I wasn’t going to add any texts, but ughhh I like the idea and some texts to add to the story isn’t gonna hurt, right??? RIGHT! Jeez, all these fantasy AUs are giving me ideas…

Home Run (M)

Anonymous said to oppamansae:

“I still cannot get baseball jungkook damn that was amazingly HOT ! God damn ! Baseball jungkook X Cheerleader Reader ?! <3 Smutttttttttt~~~~~ with a fluff ? XD - ok im still imagining baseball player jungkook *heart eyes*”

Yeah as shitty as the title is, I can’t think of anything else. BUT YES HERE YOU GO BEAUTIFUL ANON. BASEBALL PLAYER ROOKIE JUNGKOOKIE. 2,036 Words

Pairing: Baseball player! Jeon Jungkook x Cheerleader! Reader

Genre: Fluff, Smut, Baseballer au!

Warnings: (slight)fingering, riding, JEON JUNGKOOK

Originally posted by mayfifolle

“And Jeon Jungkook is getting ready to take the next ball. One more home run, and this came is over. All the plates are empty – will he be able to make it?”

The entire arena cheered his name along with the cheerleading squad which belonged to the team containing the star baseball players of Korea, BTS. Not only were their visuals amazing, but they were all-stars, especially the main batsmen, Jeon Jungkook. 

“Takada Naoki is getting ready to bowl, and–” There was a thunderous ‘bang’ which irrupted from the bat of the brunet. “Amazing hit!!”

The crowd went wild as the player immediately dashed off the home plate. You cheered from your stage along with your group of girls – maybe you weren’t the main cheerleader, but you tried your best, kicking and waving your white and blue pom-poms from your position on the side.

“Jungkook! Jungkook!” 

The entire stadium chanted as he made it to third base, the Japanese team finally getting the ball, ready to pass it to the keeper. All the cheering stopped for a moment as soon as the ball was in the air, breaths being held in anticipation. The male soon slipped into home base as the ball was caught, the referee bringing the whistle to his lips.

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Fever Pitch

Anonymous request: Bill and his co-star are doing a “simulated” sex scene, they get aroused, are covered by blankets and decide to do it for real. *So this is pretty long! But if you read until the end, you will not be disappointed! Hope you all enjoy!*

Warnings: s m u t, nsfw, swearing, etc. 

You cup a hand over your right ear in an attempt to hear the person on the other line better, but it’s of no real use. You’re going to have to leave this party to speak to him. “Hold on a second Bill, I can’t hear you.” You inform the man on the other end and snake your way through the mass of gyrating bodies to the outside patio. When you can confirm that you’re actually alone, you continue talking.

 “I need a ride back to my trailer.” You bring the end of a menthol cigarette to your mouth, inhaling deeply.

 The silence is punctuated by an all too audible sigh out of Bill. “It’s fucking 2:47 in the morning on the morning of our final scene together and you need a ride back to your trailer? Where are you?”

 You drop the butt of the cigarette to the concrete floor beneath you and stamp the heel of your buckled boot over it. “Got invited to a crew party about a half an hour outside of the city.” You wait patiently for the expletive that inevitably falls from his mouth.

 “Fuck Y/N,” Bill hisses. “I’ll see you in forty five minutes.”

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Craving

Originally posted by jungkookandyugyeomwhores

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader
Genre: slight angst, smut, dom!yoongi
Warnings: sex, demeaning names, humiliation, degradation, unprotected sex, ass play, cum play


You did not know how to deal with that predicament. One part of you deeply wished you could figure it out while another part wanted to give up. Considering you had done everything you could not get jealous again, you sighed, your fingernails tapping against the kitchen counter as you ran one nervous hand through your locks.

“Where the fuck is my stuff?”

Grumbled Yoongi sleepily as an annoyed sigh crossed his lips, him fidgeting in the bags from your flat in the hope to find one of his sweatpants. You shook your head with a frown as you turned to him, irritation rising within you, raising the voice. After a silence, you realized how angered you sounded since you felt him spending more time composing music with Hoseok than you.

“I don’t know, Yoongi. Maybe you left it at Hoseok’s flat.”

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About last night- Ethan & Grayson Dolan *SMUT*

Author: raeswritings

Pairing: Ethan x Bestfriend!reader, Grayson x Bestfriend!Reader

Requested: Nope

Warnings: THREESOME!!!!!!! Over stimulation, oral sex. I think that’s it.

A/N: This is my first threesome smut I wrote. It took me five hours to write, so feedback is appreciated. Also thank you for those who sent in ideas and those who helped, you know who you are.

Originally posted by majesticdolans


The sound of birds chirping combined with the sunlight hitting your face caused you to sir from your slumber. You slowly open your eyes and notice that you aren’t in your bedroom. Feeling something heavy on your side, you slowly turn your head to see your best friend, Ethan, laying peacefully asleep beside you with an arm wrapped around your waist. Looking around the room you see your bra on the lamp shade. Seeing clothes around thrown at random places in the room send you into panic mode.

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(We’re playing a homebrew campaign where our party is on a quest to find the Necropolis, where all the dead go, to bring back the King’s daughter’s soul. Our party managed to win a difficult fight against a golem-like creature, which gives us the right to ask it one question. At the moment, my warrior is uncounscious and halfway through a wall because of said fight.)

Rogue (OOC): I ask him what football is.

Cleric (OOC): What? Why?

Rogue (OOC): I heard about it in the last city and I need to know!

Cleris (OOC): But you already know! You actually play football!

Rogue (OOC): My character doesn’t know.

DM: That’s very much not what you’re here for but it’s too late to change your question, now. The golem looks at you, and it does not have feelings but you know that if it could feel, it would be very disappointed in you. It says, “You take foot. You take ball. You hit ball with foot. Football.”

Rogue: Yeah alright, seems legit.

Cleric: Can we ask another question?

DM: Well, if you beat it again, sure.

(We ended up taking the quick way to the Necropolis.)

  • Reaper: Hey Akande, Sombra made my computer smarter, all I have to do is put my thumb on that thing and it opens up all my electric mails.
  • Sombra: (Chuckling) You seem real smart man. Oh look! (picks up magic 8 ball) and you play with toys!
  • Doomfist: (taking 8 ball from Sombra) Sombra, you’re part of Talon now, we look after each other.
  • Doomfist: Hey ball, if Sombra were to do anything to harm this organization, would I destroy her!? (crushes magic 8 ball with ease, everyone’s horrified)
  • Doomfist: (holds the answer die up) "Answer Uncertain, Try Again."
  • Submitted by oddabest