this-picture-burns-the-heart-out-of-me!

You kissed me like I was made of fire,
Lips careful not to linger too long because we both know you were scared of being burnt.
Your cold fingertips resided on the soft spots of my skin, the places you knew you could keep yourself safe.
I knew from the day we met you were made of ice, skin paler than the blanket of snow you sleep under. I tried to picture you as something more than frozen water.
You were too coward to let yourself be melted by my heat, too coward to risk the burning of my heart. Too coward, to allow yourself to love a girl on fire.
I would have set your lips a blaze, watched you run down my neck like a waterfall.
Each droplet of you would extinguish me.

You were the only boy capable of putting me out.

—  I guess I should have known better than to allow myself to love a boy made of ice.
3

Taylor, your lyrics mean so much to me. With every album you’ve made since I was twelve your songs have related to my life. When I was feeling depressed at a young age I felt i was tied together with a smile but coming undone. When my first boyfriend dumped me I realized he was with someone else and he should’ve said no… BUT JUST ANOTHER PICTURE TO BURN. I was fourteen when I heard fifteen and it meant so much to me then - but i’ve learned so much growing up that fifteen means so much more to me now. When you released speak now i was being bullied and threatened. You taught me to stand up for myself and speak up. I did that and i am so proud that I did. I was in grade twelve when RED came out. I will never forget listening to that amazing record Taylor. The songs really touched my heart. As slopes were treacherous but I liked it. Stay stay stay, state of grace, and starlight related a lot to my relationship. It’s the worthwhile fight, he stayed, and i shouldn’t be singing the blues. Begin again has also meant a lot to me. The meaning has changed over the years, but now. When i hear the “I watched it begin again” The it doesn’t refer to a relationship or love. It relates to my life and it beginning again. I felt I really started to live once you released 1989 and even so I relate your old songs to now. After listening to 1989 I listened to all your older songs and how they meant to me when i was younger has completely changed. I love listening to begin again because i feel that my life is wonderful now. Thank you so much for all your albums Taylor. You have always taught me so much. And as 1989 came out this past year, you have taught me even more. The best people in life are free. I can live my life on my terms. I can be happy and I don’t need someone else to create my own happiness. I create my life. I create anything. I love you so much Taylor. Thank you so so much for sharing all your knowledge and love over the years. I am so grateful <3 taylorswift

I look at those pictures and I can remember the way I felt back then
But I cannot be that same girl

I wish I could go back 2 years ago
When, if nothing else made sense, at least I had my faith
When I knew there was a god out there, when I was so sure he/she/it was looking out for me
Before I saw discrimination justified using the very book I had memorized

I wish I could go back 3 years ago
When I was so innocent I thought I had to be missing out on something
Back when getting a kiss on the cheek made my heart race and face flush
I crave an innocent crush I never get anymore, that wish to just spend your lunch hour talking to someone or to sit next to them in class
No bullshit attached

I wish I could go back 5 years ago
When for a brief second my family was intact and almost normal
Before the screaming and slamming doors and fighting I tried desperately to ignore but heard anyway
Back when I believed forever and love were real promises people made to each other

I used to wish to grow up so bad but here I am 16 and heart broken by so many things
I don’t even know how a heart heals
I wish I could go back.
I wish this heart wasn’t so damaged

—  midnight thoughts #4 by d.yang
Monster High / Ever After High News

I have not done any Monster High or Ever After High news or reviews in awhile so I thought it was time.

Here are some pictures and info I have found.

Fangin’ At the Maul (that just cracks me up)

5 pack of dolls with Spectra, Clawdeen, Invisibilly, Gigi Grant, and Draculaura

Picture from Armagedon Toys and Monster High Dolls on Facebook (go follow them if you aren’t already)

I found more from the Armagedon Toys Facebook Page

For those that missed the SDCC set

It looks like an I *heart* Fashion Iris Clops set is coming.

Monster High Viperine and Clawdeen

This one has Elissabat, Howleen, Heath Burns, and Scarah

This has been out for a bit now.  Thinking this will be the new SDCC Ever After High doll.  They did Cerise Wolf last time.   I love this.  She is gorgeous!

(obviously from cupidca.tumblr.com)

Some New Monster Exchange Program Names and Art.  I think Kjersti is too cute, but Thom pointed out that she should be an “internet troll” with her pixilated glasses.

Batsy Claro, Isi Dawndancer, Kjersti Trolleson

According the Ever After High Dolls on Facebook, there is a rumored Finnegan Wake coming also.

(pictures from Ever After High Dolls on FB)

Ever After High Fairest on Ice.

Poppy O’Hair

Ashlynn Ella

Duchess Swan

Pictures from Ever After High Dolls on Facebook (if you aren’t following her go do that now!)

Monster High / Ever After High News was originally published on Shadowbinders

“Life is a painting on the wall. Just a picture in my mind. A photograph that’s slowly fading.

And now, that all the colors are bleeding out, I’d run away but I don’t know how. I’d run away but I don’t know how.

So, take my burning heart just stay the night, and I’ll keep my promise, but every single day that passes by, is making me more dishonest. There’s too much I make up, as soon as I wake up. There’s too much I make up for me.” - Too Much by Magic Man.

And you dropped the note and we changed key, you changed yourself and I changed me.
I really didn’t see us singing through this then you screamed the bridge and I cried the verse and our chorus came out unrehearsed.
And you smiled the whole way through it, I guess maybe that’s what’s worse.
And I hope this makes you happy now that the flame we had is burning out.
And I hope you like your pictures facing down as even broken hearts may have their doubts.
And I’m taking all your memories off the shelf, and I don’t need you or anybody else so take a look at me - see what you want to see - when you get home.

I think after a long time, the anger in my heart’s finally burned out. I hurt for such a long time over loosing my home, I felt like so much was stolen from me. For maybe the third time in three years, I went back home today and I went through nearly twenty years worth of photographs.

I saw pictures of my birth, my little bloody self laid on my mother’s naked chest and the look of divine relief and serenity on her face. My father holding me for the first time, my head cradled in his palm, his brows knit together in intent study. So many pictures of horses and dogs! Paint stallions, brood mares, litters of puppies, sheep and barns and fences, the breadth and width of my parents’ lives together. 

And for the first time in a very, very long time, I didn’t lie when I told my mother that I loved her. I don’t love the woman that beat me, that cheated on my father and broke his heart, but I think I understand her a little better now. Let whatever the truth may be rest with her, for now I am thankful for what was and for everything that lays out before me.

Wood is.

Today I sat around a bonfire for like the tenth time since I moved to Virginia. Today was different than all the other times. Today I realized something I didn’t quite know nor understand. And for some reason still don’t quite understand all together really because it all seems too simple for my brain to wrap around. 

As I sat around that fire burning I kept secretly whispering in my heart to the Lord “teach me something about this fire.” I was sitting around the fire at a bible study and I so desperately wanted the Lord to give me a personal word through the fire and so I cried out to Him, but got no answer. 

Then I got home. I took out my phone and looked at a picture of the fire I had taken and the Lord spoke to me clearly. “Natalie, wood is prayer.” We all know that when a fire is getting low and when you’re starting to get cold and when that fire isn’t keeping you warm anymore you have two options: add wood or let it die out.

It’s your relationship with Christ in a nutshell. You see there’s this wood called prayer and that is how the fire (your relationship with Christ) continues to grow. Without wood, lose the wood and it dies out. It’s no wonder why pastors are always talking about the importance of prayer and why even Jesus the bestest person in the entire universe, who was perfect and walked on water, prayed!

So, you want your relationship with Christ to grow? You want your fire to grow the answers pretty simple it’s called: prayer. Wood is not your “status,” opposite to what most Christians believe and think it’s not a “christian checklist” you have to follow in order to let the fire grow, it’s not your works, it’s not your abilities, it’s not your talents, it’s not your gifts, wood is not what you bring to the table. Wood is not based on you at all. Wood is simply prayer and anyone who tells you wood is otherwise might not fully understand God’s love, mercy, and grace. 

Folks, to keep your fire going (your relationship with Christ going) it’s simple: pray. When you’re bored, when you’re tired, when you don’t know what to do, when you’re in the garden, when you’re in the wilderness, when you’re down, when you’re up, when you fail, when you get back up again, when….just know your wood is called prayer and without it your fire will die. 

-Natalie M. Valdes

I Deleted the Pictures on My Phone

That was it. Just after a few taps, it was gone. I took a deep breath and a swig of whiskey. The pictures were gone on my phone, but they burned into my head. With every blink, I see a flash of the images. The images that make me want to cringe. My wife walks in, “Babe, are you alright? You’ve been looking a bit upset lately…” I walk over to her and smile, “It’s alright honey, just work’s gotten me a bit stressed, no big deal”. I kiss her forehead and close the door as she nods and walks out of the room. The fake smile disappears and my heart goes back to it’s quick pace. 

The images are there still, haunting every second I breathe. I can’t do this anymore. Why me? Why did I have to be there? Why did I have to do that? Just a few moments after those thoughts, the phone rings. Of course the person calling me is the last person in the entire human race that I want to talk to. I pick up. “Hey, Greg, what’s up?” I answer, very short and hoarse. I didn’t even want to speak. “Aye my pal, buddy, gal, bro! We’re good right? Like, you won’t do anything about that one night right?”, his voice was just too happy, it aggravated me. But, I replied shortly, “Yeah. I deleted the photos.” I looked into my empty cup, wishing I had more to numb myself. “Alright, greeat. Welp, that’s all I gotta ask! Just remember, if we go down you go down with us! Haha! I’m pulling your leg. Not really. See ya tomorrow!” The loud beep signified he hung up. I didn’t want to see him tomorrow. I didn’t want to see anything tomorrow or right now. Because all I see are those images. The images of a fellow co-worker. Cathy, that was her name. The look on her face when she was taken down to the basement by my “pals”, is a face I will never forget. I can still see the still image of her fighting back, kicking Gred, and him punching her in the face. It went downhill from there, we just wanted to scare her. But after that, they wanted more. Of course, I was the bystander, who, instead of helping, took pictures. I laughed along with them, while taking still moments of the worse day of her life. After that, one of my friends choked her for too long. That was it. That’s when I had to leave, I ran for it. Now, I can’t run away from this. This guilt that will burn inside me for the rest of my life. There’s only one solution. I open my first drawer and take out a revolver, and put it under my chin. This is it. The only way I will be free. And with a pull of the trigger…

Bang.

Anxiety

I feel the familiar tightness gripping at my throat, I try to swallow but it’s impossible,I feel trapped where I’m sitting,‘please don’t let this be happening again,'I ask but it is, a burning sensation of heat rushes through my body and I can’t breathe, the pictures on the walls around me all seem to be staring back at me. All the noises are suddenly too loud, the colours too bright no matter what I do I can’t seem to control over my own body,the palm of my hands go sweaty and clammy. And my heart starts to pound, I need to get out of here as soon as possible
-Zoe sugg (adapted by me)

Late night thoughts 4/20

I’m laying in bed, and I’m thinking of you. For some reason tonight, your face is burned into my mind and all the memories we shared are playing over and over. I miss you, like crazy and I can’t shake this feeling of loneliness. I’m so alone without you. I may seem happy, but the smile I paste on my lips isn’t real. It’s as fake as a hookers tits. I know, I’m thousands of miles away from you, but even distance can’t make my heart forget you. The distance can’t take the picture of your smile out of my mind, nor can it dislodge your voice from my ears. All I can hear is you calling me baby, and telling me that you love me. Why must you do this to me? Why must your face be burned into my mind? I’m not happy that you’re moving to NC… I moved away from NY to get away from you, to try and pick up all the little pieces you shattered my heart into. And you’re making it hard, even not talking to you doesn’t make me love you any less. I’ll love you until the day that I die. I hope that someday soon I can finally paste a real smile on my face and be genuinely happy. But until that day, I guess I’ll just be alone and depressed. I love you to the moon and back, darling. Goodnight…