35) things you said that made me feel real Turn-about is fair play homeskillet! 😘
Thank you so much for the prompt! No fluff this time :D
Deep in the night,
they find her. They always find her.
She cowers when they
tear and gnaw at her; her skin falling off, her resolve diminishing into
darkness. A darkness where she can’t even hide. All she can do, all she needs
to do is fight. So she struggles, she screams and thrashes around.
Until she finally
Panting heavily, her
heart racing, pounding, racing, trying to escape her chest. Trying to escape
this reality. What is real, she thinks, counting to ten (like she’s learned
since she’s been… back) and feeling her breathing return to normal ever so slowly.
Scully needs to
remember this. Just a nightmare. None of it is real. She repeats these words,
mouths them to herself here in the dark, but they feel hollow. There are no
pictures, nothing to cling to or be angry at. Just feelings. And Dana Scully
has never been good with handling feelings.
awake?” The knock on her door is soft; so soft she would not have heard it
had she been asleep.
She lets him know, hoping he’ll just stroll in. This is the first time they’ve
had adjoining rooms while on a case. Sometimes they’re not even on the same
floor or in same building complex. Mulder opens the door and strolls in as if
it were the middle of the day and not dead night.
sleep?” Scully asks him before he can say anything else; question why
she’s awake at this hour. She’s seen herself after her nightmares; the
tear-streaked face, the pale complexion. It’s dark here in the room with the
only source of light a sputtering street light outside. He’s walking closer to
the bed and Scully thinks back to their first case when he let her have his bed
while he told her about his sister’s abduction. Right now she hopes he doesn’t
want her to return the favor.
“I haven’t been
sleeping well.” He pulls up a chair and sits close to her bed, but not too
close. She can see him better now; shadows playing on his face, his eyes alert
and curious. But she keeps quiet. Scully can tell he wants her to admit the
same. She flushes with horror thinking he might have heard her scream out from
her nightmare. The first few nights her mother had stayed with her and after
her Melissa. Both, with teary, pitiful eyes had told her about her night
terrors. What are those dreams about? Her sister had wanted to know. Scully had
not told her. Could not tell anyone.
“You could watch
some TV?” She offers. “I was about to turn it on myself.”
chair squeaks as Mulder stretches out his legs, almost touching the bedpost.
“Does this happen every night, Scully?” The gentleness in his voice
surprises her as much as his question and she startles.
“What do you
mean?” Scully wills her voice to be steady, to be strong.
on.” He leans forward, his elbows on his knees. His face is still so far
away it seems, yet she feels like he’s invading her personal space.
nightmares from time to time,” she admits, “Everyone has them.”
everyone has experienced what I have, Mulder.” She doesn’t mean to sound
so irritated and she almost apologizes. Almost.
“I know that,
Scully,” his voice is so soft, like a caress and she immediately feels the
anger subside again, “I just – maybe you should have taken some more time
“No. I want to
work. It… it helps.”
“Can I help you,
“Just… can I stay
here? Just for tonight? I’ll behave.” Mulder promises with a chuckle.
“What do you mean
“In this chair.
Just… just in case.”
“Mulder, you need
to sleep. You can’t sleep in a chair.”
Another chuckle. “Please, Scully.” His voice is pleading and she’s
glad now that it’s too dark to see his face. She can hear everything she
doesn’t want to know in his voice. Her mother told her how much Mulder suffered
when she was gone. She’s never seen it; has not seen a difference in him in the
daylight. Now, though… now she understands.
she settles back down, facing him. “You can stay.” Her voice is
barely above a whisper; she can’t speak these words loudly, afraid they might
sound like defeat. Mulder’s even, certain breathing is a peaceful lullaby,
rocking her back to sleep.
They’re back. Laughing
at her in the darkness, their hands reaching for her. Grabbing. Tearing at her
arms, scratching her skin.
it’s all right.” The voice is above her, somewhere, and she gasps. The
hands, though, they’re still there. The darkness keeps its hold on her, tries
to drag her down.
“It’s all right,
you’re here. You’re here with me. It’s Mulder.”
If only her eyes would
open, she thinks, reaching out her hand. Something tender brushes her cheek,
then the other one. Warm. Warm and solid.
“Open your eyes,
Scully,” the voice is closer, drowns out the darkness and pulls her up,
“Look at me. This is real. I’m real.”
She mumbles, her eyes blinking furiously, waking up.
“Yes, it’s me.”
The relief in his voice is palpable and finally her eyes snap fully open. There
he is; his face close to hers. So close he’s almost blurry.
nightmare,” he assures her; the same words she used to calm herself earlier,
“You had a nightmare. It was not real. None of it is real.” She can
only nod. If she opens her mouth now, even if just to say thank you, the tears
will flow. She is not ready. Not ready to let him see him like that.
Without another word,
he puts his arms around her tightly, holding her. They’re lying there entwined,
touching in places they’ve not dared feel before, breathing in the same air.
here.” He whispers against her mouth and Scully closes her eyes again.
This is real, she reminds herself; he is real and I am.
I’m very disapointed that the fandom haven’t already made this joke yet and that I needed to do it myself.
But here you have it, a very chilled Eclipsa. Uh, by the way, this may be considered spoiler-ish? so yeah, watch out for that…. But if you’re reading this then you’re probably already seen the spoiler, so… whoops?
While searching for Bucky after the fall of SHIELD, Steve and Sam stumble on something - someone - else.
Trying to deal with one traumatized, possibly ex-supervillain houseguest is a big enough challenge on its own. But no one ever said Steve’s life was easy. Or uncomplicated.
So I was going back and forth about whether to start posting a new unfinished WIP (other than Life in Reverse) and finally came down on the side of yes, because I have a large chunk of this one already written (two chapters finished and a third in progress) so, you know, why not. This fic has been in the works for a while, floating around and slowly in progress, but now that I’m posting it that means it’ll get bumped up to front burner status. (This does not, to be clear, mean that anything else is going to stop updating. I am perfectly capable of working on six things at once, and frequently do.)
This fic is one of those “self-indulgent” things that I write so often, smashing together a bunch of stuff that I love, including “beating up characters for fun and profit”, “weird friendships”, and “Steve and Loki interacting in literally every AU I write.” It’s set post-Winter Soldier in an AU that will become clear very quickly. At the moment I have no plans for it to go anywhere other than gen, but plans change and I am an incorrigible Steve/Loki shipper at heart, so you never know. This first chapter, for fair warning, has a lot of somewhat graphic description of the aftermath of fairly severe torture, so be warned about that. After this chapter that turns down somewhat.
I’m now at a place where I genuinely can and want to wash my hands of Sherlock. because even if they somehow attempted to fix it, or admitted it was part of something bigger (which I don’t think it is) this whole thing has been done so badly, and in such bad taste, that nothing they can do can make me see them in the same way anymore. It’s so strange because I spent five years thinking these people were clever and (more importantly) good people, striving to do good in the world. but now I can look back on this whole thing with a clear head I can see it for what it really was - a mess. It was just an utter shit heap of a mess. And tbh I don’t think they are very nice people. They’re actually really fucking horrible lol. I’m just glad I can see that now and not feel that awful guilt or doubt that I used to feel.
Once, I was helping this guy with his chemistry homework and when he finally submitted the answer and the computer told him it was correct, we were both like, ‘yay!’, he said ‘thank you’, I said ‘no problem’, and sat back down in my seat. Then, he turns to me, his expression absolutely serious, and he says, “I appreciate you.” and I do this double take like “that wasnt a joke, was it?” And it was just a little jarring because of 1) he was actually serious and 2) how deeply I was moved by it. Like, it was just three words, completely of the blue, but it made me so…well, appreciated? And happy? And after my initial shock, I reply with another thank you and a “dang, you don’t hear that a lot”. And, working on his next hw problem, he’s just like, “Yeah, I try to say it as much as I can. Otherwise, how are people supposed to know?” and that was just the most casual, wonderful gesture of kindness that I’ve experienced.
B - Biggest fear: pretty typical existential bullshit
C - Current time: 6:48am
D - Drink you last had: water
E - Every day starts with: gently punching my significant other
F - Favourite song: my favorite song right now has been prison sporks by ceschi
G - Ghosts, are they real?: not to be That Person™ but ive seen some shit ?? so im gonna tentatively say yes until offered some other explanation, occam’s razor.
I - In love with: my husband, my friends
K - Killed someone: lmao accidentally ive almost killed a few people, including myself but no one has actually died yet ! yay !
L - Last time you cried: last night over something cute the loml said it was… so embarrassing
M - Middle name: ugh
N - Number of siblings: one, and three sibling-in-laws
O - One wish: for my cooking to be appreciated
P - Person you last called/texted: my mom !
Q - Questions you are always asked: “so you’re like romanian??” (no im not) “don’t you like read fortunes and stuff/will you read my fortune??” (i can, but this is not an inherently romani trait so the answer to racists is: no) “aren’t you just white?” (nah lmao) “did that hurt?” (in regards to my septum, i don’t actually mind this one. no it didn’t hurt surprisingly, just made my eyes water like fucking niagra falls)
R - Religion: n/a, spiritual with pagan roots but ? unaffiliated
S - Song last sang: prison sporks by ceschi lmao
T - Time you woke up: 6:00am
U - Underwear colour: multicolor B) it’s like white with a blue and purple and pink pattern, they’re cute as hell & make my butt look [good shit meme]
V - Vacation destination: AUSTRALIA !!!!!
W - Worst habit: forgetting to eat and generally take care of myself
X - X-Rays you’ve had: teeth, face & jaw, right leg, left arm, stomach, ??? a bunch that i can’t remember ?? a lot basically
Y - Your favourite food: goulash !!! chicken nuggets, sushi, rice