Video games are the perfect form for storytelling — and succeed where movies fall short

There’s a moment in What Remains of Edith Finch — one moment among many, really — where I had to pause while playing.

“You have to experience this,” I said to my partner, passing over the controller, as it thrummed softly, rhythmic and steady. The controller’s haptic feedback played a key role in how the story was being told in that particular moment. I won’t spell out what happened — it’s a pretty big spoiler. So let me just say that it involves a heartbeat.

Where an Edith Finch book would tell or a movie would show, the game can force players to feel its most intimate stories. My experience playing Edith Finch habitually transcended passive digestion. Holding the controller meant more than reading the words on the screen or hearing Edith’s voice through the speakers.

Writing for the Atlantic in April, Ian Bogost argued that video games are better without stories because movies and books “tell them better.” But the reductive reasoning peppered throughout Bogost’s article fails to take into account a vital interactive imperative. Some stories need the interaction only video games can offer to achieve their powerful, climactic sequences. It’s something that other, more traditional mediums simply can’t match. Read more (Opinion)

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history of the entire world, I guess starters (pt 1)
  • ❛  You’re on a rock floating in space.  ❜
  • ❛  Pretty cool, huh ?  ❜
  • ❛  Some of it’s water. fuck it, actually, most of it’s water.  ❜
  • ❛  I can’t even get from here to there without buying a boat.  ❜
  • ❛  It’s sad. I’m sad. I miss you.  ❜
  • ❛  How did this happen ?  ❜
  • ❛  A long time ago - actually, never. and also now.  ❜
  • ❛  Nothing is no where.  ❜
  • ❛  Makes sense, right ?  ❜
  • ❛  Like I said, it didn’t happen.  ❜
  • ❛  Nothing was never anywhere, that’s why it’s been everywhere.  ❜
  • ❛  It’s been so everywhere you don’t even need a where. You don’t even need a when.  ❜
  • ❛  That’s how ‘every’ it gets.  ❜
  • ❛  Forget this.  ❜
  • ❛  I wanna be something, go somewhere, do something.  ❜
  • ❛  I want things to change !  ❜
  • ❛  I want to invent time and space.  ❜
  • ❛  I know it’s possible because everything is here.  ❜
  • ❛  It’s probably already happened.  ❜
  • ❛  I just don’t know when to start.  ❜
  • ❛  And that’s exactly where it started.  ❜
  • ❛  Woah, I paused it.  ❜
  • ❛  I think there’s a universe now.  ❜
  • ❛  What’s it made of ?  ❜
  • ❛  Ah, that’s a thing. In a place.  ❜
  • ❛  Don’t like it ? Try a new place at a different time.  ❜
  • ❛  Some of them even doubled up.  ❜
  • ❛  It’s a star !  ❜
  • ❛  New shit just got made.  ❜
  • ❛  Some stars burn out and die, bigger stars burn out and die with PASSION !  ❜
  • ❛  Holy shit we just got hit with another ball of flaming rocks.  ❜
  • ❛  It kinda made a mess.  ❜
  • ❛  Weather update: it’s raining rocks from outer space.  ❜
  • ❛  Now there’s hot steam in the sky.  ❜
  • ❛  Weather update: cooler temperatures today and the floor is no longer lava.  ❜
  • ❛  Weather update: it’s raining.  ❜
  • ❛  Severe flooding alert ! the entire world is now an ocean.  ❜
  • ❛  There’s life in the ocean.  ❜
  • ❛  Something’s alive in the ocean !  ❜
  • ❛  oh, cool, like a plant or an animal ?  ❜
  • ❛  It lives at the bottom of the ocean and eats chemical soup.  ❜
  • ❛  Oh, yeah, and it can do that.  ❜
  • ❛  It has secret instructions inside itself telling itself how to build another one of itself.  ❜
  • ❛  Tired of living at the bottom of the ocean ?  ❜
  • ❛  Now you can eat sunlight !  ❜
  • ❛  Using a revolutionary technique you can convert sunlight into food.  ❜
  • ❛  Taste the Sun !  ❜
  • ❛  Side affect: now there’s oxygen everywhere and the sky’s blue.  ❜
  • ❛  Wow that’s animals and stuff.  ❜
  • ❛  Hey can we go on land ?  ❜
  • ❛  The sun is a deadly lazer.  ❜
  • ❛  Nope ! Can’t walk yet.  ❜
  • ❛  There’s no food yet so I don’t care.  ❜
  • ❛  Learn to use an egg.  ❜
  • ❛  I was already doing that.  ❜
  • ❛  And now everything’s huge.  ❜
  • ❛  oh fuck, now everything’s dead.  ❜
  • ❛  Here are the survivors. Keep your eyes on this one.  ❜
  • ❛  Yeah, it broke apart, don’t worry about it. It does that all the time.  ❜
  • ❛  and the dinosaurs are gone.  ❜
  • ❛  It’s mammal time, here come the mammals !  ❜
  • ❛  Look at those breasts !  ❜
  • ❛  Now they’re gonna dominate the world.  ❜
  • ❛  One of them just learned how to grab stuff.  ❜
  • ❛  That’s a human person !  ❜
  • ❛  And now they’re everywhere.  ❜
  • ❛  Well I guess we’re stuck here now.  ❜
  • ❛  Let’s review: there’s people on the planet and they’re chasing their food.  ❜
  • ❛  Fuck it. Time to plant some grass.  ❜
  • ❛  Look at this. I control the food now.  ❜
  • ❛  Now everyone will want to be my friend and live near me.  ❜
  • ❛  This is great ! I wonder if anyone else is doing this ?  ❜
  • ❛  Tired of using rocks for everything ? Use metal !  ❜
  • ❛  It’s underground.  ❜
  • ❛  Better farming was just invented in a sweet, dank valley right in between these two rivers.  ❜
  • ❛  Guess what happens next !  ❜
  • ❛  Coming soon to a dank river valley near you !  ❜
  • ❛  Meanwhile out in the middle of nowhere the horse is probably being tamed.  ❜
  • ❛  Why is all my metal so lame and lumpy ?  ❜
  • ❛  Tired of using lame, sad metal ?  ❜
  • ❛  I don’t know, my dealer won’t tell me where he gets it.  ❜
  • ❛  Meanwhile, out in the middle of no where they figured out how to put wheels on a horse.  ❜
  • ❛  Now we’re getting somewhere.  ❜
  • ❛  You could make a religion out of this.  ❜
  • ❛  And they believe in god.  ❜
  • ❛  He’s got, like, a ten step program.  ❜
  • ❛  Wow, that’s big.  ❜
  • ❛  Ah, the Buddha was just enlightened.  ❜
  • ❛  This guy who sat under a tree for so long he figured out how to ignore the fact that we’re all dying.  ❜
  • ❛  He was great, and now he’s dead.  ❜
  • ❛  Get the hell out of here.  ❜
  • ❛  Will you get the hell out of here if I give you five hundred elephants ?  ❜
  • ❛  And they’ve got spices !  ❜
  • ❛  Fuck you, obey the law.  ❜
  • ❛  Then it broke again.  ❜
  • ❛  Hell yeah ! Now we got business.  ❜
  • ❛  Is loving Jesus legal yet ?  ❜
  • ❛  No … actually, ok, sure.  ❜
  • ❛  Don’t worry about Rome, it won’t fall.  ❜
  • ❛  What’s a barbarian ?  ❜
  • ❛  Here’s a huge city, population: everyone.  ❜
  • ❛  Your gods are all fake.  ❜
  • ❛  Everyone got so mad at him that he had to leave town and go to a different town.  ❜
  • ❛  The Roman Empire is long gone but somehow the Pope is still the Pope.  ❜
  • ❛  Someone owns that now.  ❜
dean/cas fic: circular (1k)

circular; 1k, pre-coda, inspired by the latest 12x19 promo.


Dean jumps slightly when the bunker’s door creaks. It’s been over a month, but he still thinks please, please, please before looking up.

“Cas,” Sam says.

Cas’ shoulders are stiff. “Hello.”

“Hey. You’re all right. Um ─” Cas turns away and starts down the stairs. Sam glances at Dean before continuing, “Where’ve you been?”

Dean’s pulse is thumping in his ears. “Lemme rephrase that for Sam: where the hell’ve you been? And why’ve you ignored our phone calls?”

“Where I was,” Cas says, pausing beside the table, “the reception was ─ um. Poor.”

Dean’s jaw tics; being angry is easier than ─ it’s just easier. He grunts, “No bars,” and looks back at Sam. “No bars ─ that’s his excuse.” He takes a breath and meets Cas’ eyes. “Wow.”

“I was in Heaven. I was… working with the angels.”

Dean’s mouth moves but nothing comes out. On his third try he says, “You ─ Heaven? You were in Heaven?”


“So you ─ uh. You.” Heat crowds up underneath Dean’s jaw. “You were - did you -?” He’s not sure he wants to ask that question in front of Sam, so he grumbles, “Whatever,” and walks out of the War Room.


Keep reading

Chihokogate is overwhelmingly romantic; fight me

I’ve seen people describe the “Overcome Chihoko” story in a number of ways–Victor being Extra, crackfic, something written purely for laughs, and so forth. And yes, I think all of those things are true, to a certain extent, but I’m not sure we appreciate exactly how lovely of an instance of crackfic this is.

More below the cut.

Keep reading


Without You Live Performances: Doyoung ver. 

(Or, this bunny has this blogger wrapped around his little finger that she can’t resist making a content about him) 


Iron Crown (III)

Author: kpopfanfictrash

Pairing: You / Jinyoung

Rating: R

Warning: Domestic abuse

Word Count: 6,128

Summary: As the Crown Princess of Vitus, your land has always been peaceful. When your power-hungry Uncle decides to stop paying the tithe though, things take a turn for the worse. The vampires who reside in the mountains are not happy and in retaliation - they set their sights on you.

Originally posted by jungkookjinyoung

Keep reading

We could make a religion out of this....


you’re on a rock floating in space.

pretty cool, huh?

some of it’s water.

fuck it, actually most of it’s water.

i can’t even get from here to there without buying a boat.

it’s sad.

i’m sad.

i miss you.

how did this happen?

a long time ago, actually never, and also now, nothing is nowhere.



makes sense, right?

like i said, it didn’t happen.

nothing was never anywhere.

that’s why it’s been everywhere.

it’s been so everywhere you don’t need a where.

you don’t even need a when.

that’s how every it gets.

forget this.

i wanna be something.

go somewhere.

do something.

i want things to change.

i want to invent time and space.

and i know it’s possible because everything is here and it probably already happened.

i just don’t know when to start.

and that’s exactly where it started.

whoah, i paused it.

i think there’s a universe now.

what’s it made of?

quarks & stuff

ah, that’s a thing.

in a place.

don’t like it?

try a new place.

at a different time™.

try to stick together, because the world is gonna get bigger.

and emptier.

but it’s not empty yet.

it’s still very full, and about a kjghpillion degrees.

great news!

the quarks are now happily married, in groups of three called a proton or a neutron

and there’s something else flying around too that wants to join in but can’t cause it’s still too


great news!

the protons and neutrons are now happily married to each other.

and some of them even doubled up.

great news, the electrons have now joined in

congratulations, the world is now a bunch of gas in space.

but it’s getting closer together.

and it’s getting closer together.

and it’s getting closer toge-

it’s a star

new shit just got made!

some stars burn out and die.

bigger stars burn out and die with passion, and make some brand new, way crazier shit.

space dust

which allows newer, more interesting stars to be made, and then die, and explode into

even crazier space dust

so now stars have cool stuff around them, like rocks, ice, and funny clouds, which can make some very interesting things.

like this ball of flaming rocks for example.

holy shit, we just got hit with another ball of flaming rocks.

and it kind of made a mess.

which is

now the moon

weather update:

it’s raining rocks from outer space.

weather update:

those rocks might have had water inside them, and now there’s hot steam in the sky.

weather update:

cooler temperatures today, and the floor is no longer lava.

weather update:

it’s raining.

severe flooding alert:

the entire world is now an ocean.

volcano alert:

that’s land!



something’s alive in the ocean

oh cool, like a plant or an animal?

no, a microscopic speck.

it lives at the bottom of the ocean and eats chemical soup, which is being served hot and fresh, made from gnarly space ingredients left over from when it was raining rocks or whatever.

oh yeah, and it can do that.

it has secret instructions written inside itself telling it how to build another one of itself.

so that’s pretty nifty, i would say.

tired of living at the bottom of the ocean?

now you can eat sunlight!

using a revolutionary technique, you can convert sunlight into food

taste the sun

side effect: now there’s oxygen everywhere and the sky’s blue.

then the earth might have been a snowball for a while, maybe even a couple of times.

it’s a sponge.

it’s a plant.

it’s a worm, and some other types of weird strange water bugs and strange fish.

it’s the Cambrian explosion

“wow, that’s animals and stuff”

but we’re still in the ocean, hey, can we go on land?



the sun is a deadly lazer

oh okay.

not anymore, there’s a blanket

now the animals can go on land.

come on, animals, let’s go on land!

nope, can’t walk yet.

and there’s no food yet, so i don’t care.

ok, will you learn to walk if there’s plants up here?

maybe, said some bugs, and fish.

ok, so i can go on land, but i have to go back in the water to

have babies

learn to use an egg.

i was already doing that.

use a stronger egg.

put water in it.

have a baby, on land, in an egg.

water is in the egg.

baby, in the egg, in the water, in the egg.

works for me.

bye bye ocean

and now everything’s huge.

including bugs.

wanna see a map of the land?


oh fuck, now everything’s dead.

just kidding, here are the survivors.

keep your eye on this one because it’s about to become the dinosaurs.

here’s another map of the land.

yeah, it broke apart, don’t worry about it, it does that all the time.

here comes a meteor.

and the dinosaurs are gone

it’s mammal time, here come the mammals.

look at those breasts.

now they’re gonna dominate the world and one of them just learned how to grab stuff.

and walk.

no, like, walk like that.

and grab stuff at the same time.

and bang rocks together to make pointed rocks.


and set things on fire.


and make crazy sounds with their voice.


which can mean different things.

that’s a human person

and now they’re everywhere.


ice age

what, you can walk over here?


not anymore

well i guess we’re stuck here now.

let’s review.

there’s people on the planet.

and they’re chasing their food.

fuck it, time to plant some grass.

look at this.

i control the food now.

now everyone will want to be my friend and live near me.

let’s all build houses except mine is bigger because i own the food.

this is great, i wonder if anyone else is doing this.

tired of using rocks for everything?

use metal.

it’s underground.

better farming was just invented, in a sweet dank valley right in between these two rivers.

and the animals are helping.

guess what happens next

more food.

and more people who came to buy the food.

now you need people to help make the food and keep track of the sales.

and now you need houses for people to live in and people to make the houses, and now there’s more people and they invent things, which makes things better and more people come and there’s more farming and more people to make more things for more people and now there’s business, money, writing, laws, power.


coming soon to a dank river valley near you.

meanwhile, out in the middle of nowhere, the horse is probably being tamed.

why is all my metal so lame and lumpy?

tired of using lame, sad metal?



made with special ingredient tin from the far lands of tin land.

i don’t know, my dealer won’t tell me where he gets it.

also, guess what?


meanwhile, out in the middle of nowhere, they figured out how to put wheels on a horse.

now we’re getting somewhere.



and did i mention

indus river valley civilization

norte chico

the middle east is getting more complicated, maybe because it’s in the middle of the east.

knock knock, er, clop clop.

it’s the people with the horses.

and they made an empire.

and then everyone else copied their horses.


ah look, it must be the greeks, er, a beta version of the greeks.

let’s check in with the indus river valley civilization.

they’re gone.

guess who’s not gone?


new arrivals in india, maybe it’s those horse people i was talking about, or their cousins or something

and they wrote some hymns and mantras and stuff

you could make a religion out of this.

there’s the bronze age collapse.

now the phoenicians can get down to business

also, can we switch to a metal that’s a little easier to find?


look who came back to israel, it’s the twelve tribes of israel.

and they believe in God

just 1 though, he’s got like a ten step program.

here’s some huge heads.

must be the olmecs.

the phoenicians make some colonies.

the greeks copy their idea and make some colonies.

the phoenicians made a colony so big it makes colonies.

here comes the assyrian empire.

never mind, it’s the babylonian- median-

it’s the Persian Empire

“wow, that’s big”

ah, the buddha was just enlightened.

who’s the buddha?

this guy, who sat under a tree for so long that he figured out how to ignore the fact that we’re all dying.

you could make a religion out of this.

oops, china just broke, but while it was breaking, confucius was figuring out how to have good morals.

ah, the greeks just had the idea of thinking about stuff.

and right over here, alexander just had the idea of conquering the entire persian empire.

it’s a great idea.

he was great.

and now he’s dead.

hopefully the rest of the gang will be able to share the empire evenly between them.

knock knock, it’s chandragupta, he says get the hell out of here.

will you get the hell out of here if i give you 500 elephants?

ok thanks, bye

time to conquer all of india


most of india

but what about this part?

that’s the tamil kings, no one conquers the tamil kings.

who are the tamil kings?

merchants, probably

and they’ve got spices

who would like to buy the spices?

me, said the arabians, swiftly buying it and selling it to the rest of the world.

hey, china put itself back together again, with good morals as their main philosophy.

actually, they have three main philosophies.

out here, the horse nomads run wild and free, and they would like to ransack your city.

let’s check the greekification levels of the greekified kingdoms.

greekification overload!

bye, said the parthians.

bye, said the jews.

hi, said the parthians, taking over the entire place.

heyyyyyyyy, said the romans, eating the entire mediterranean for breakfast.

thanks for invading our homeland, said the jews, who were starting to get tired of people invading their homeland.

hi, everything’s great, said some guy who seems to be getting very popular and is then arrested and killed for being too popular, which only makes him more popular.

you could make a religion out of this.

want silk?

now you can buy it from china.

they just made a

brand new road to the world

or you can

get there on water

sick! new trade routes! said india, accidentally spreading their religion to the entire southeast.

hmm, that’s a good place for an epic trading kingdom.

there goes buddhism traveling up the silk road.

i wonder if it’ll reach china before it collapses again.

remember the persian empire?

yep, said the persians, making a new one.

axum is getting so powerful they would like to build a long stick.

has anyone populated madagascar yet?

let’s do it together.

china is whole again

then it broke again

still can’t cross the sahara desert?

try camels.

hell yeah! now we’ve got business

said the ghana empire, selling lots of gold, and slaves

hi, i live in the roman empire, and i was wondering

is loving jesus legal yet?


actually, ok, sure, said constantine, moving the capital way over here to be closer to his

main rival

don’t worry about rome, it won’t fall.

it’s the golden age of india

there’s the gupta empire, not chandragupta, just gupta.

first name chandra.

the first.

guess who’s in rome?


what’s a barbarian?

non-romans, said the romans, being invaded by non-romans.

r.i.p., roman empire, er, actually just half of it, the other half is just fine, but it’s not in rome anymore so let’s give it a new name.

the mayans have figured out the stars

oh and here’s a huge city, population: everyone

the göktürks have taken over the entire eurasian steppe.

great job, göktürks.

how’s india?


how’s china?

back together

how’s those trading kingdoms?

bigger, and there’s more of them

korea has 3 kingdoms.

japan has a kingdom, it’s the sunrise kingdom.

deep in the arabian desert, on the top of a mountain, the real god whispers in muhammed’s ear.

so he goes down to the cube where everyone worships gods and he tells them their gods are all fake.

and everyone got so mad at him that he had to leave town and go to a different town.

you could make a religion out of this.

and maybe conquer the world as well.

the roman empire is long gone, but somehow the pope is still the pope.

plus there’s

new kingdoms all over europe

i wonder if there’s room for moors.

here’s all the wisdom.

in a house.

it’s the baghdad house of wisdom.

just in time for the

islamic golden age

let’s bring stuff to the coast and sell it, and become the swahili on the swahili coast, said the swahili on the swahili coast.

remember this tiny space you have to go through to get from here to there?

someone owns that now.

wanna get enlightened in the middle of nowhere?

the franks have the biggest kingdom in europe, and the pope is so proud that he invites the king over for christmas.

surprise! you’re the new roman emperor, said the pope, pretending to still be part of the roman empire.

then the franks broke their kingdom into what will later be called france and not france.

but the northerners, or just norse if you don’t have much time, are exploring.

they go north, from the north to the northern north.

and they find some land.

two types of land.

and they name them accordingly.

they also invade some other places, and get called many names, such as vikings.

there’s the rus.

the kievan rus.

are they vikings?

i don’t think so, said the kievan rus.

ok, fair enough.

the pope is ready to make some more emperors.

of the “roman empire”.

the holy roman empire.

it’s actually germany but don’t worry about it.

new kingdoms.

christianize all the kingdoms

which brand would you like?

mine’s better.

mine’s better.

mine’s better.

time to conquer england, said william.

it’s a bird, it’s a plane

it’s the seljuk turks

aah! said the byzantine empire who’s getting so small and almost doesn’t exist anymore.

we need help!

they need help, so they call the pope.

hey pope, can you help us get rid of the seljuks?

maybe take back the holy land on the way?

come on, i know you want to take back the holy land.

yes, i do actually want to do that.

let’s do a crusade.


they did many crusades, some of which almost didn’t fail.

but at least the italians got some sweet trade deals.

goodbye mayans.

hello toltecs

goodbye toltecs.

hello mississippi

look at those mounds.

there’s the pueblo.

i always wondered how to build a town in a cliff.

guess who’s here?




and pagan is there.

vietnam unconquered itself, korea just became itself, and japan is so addicted to art that the military might have to take over the government.

china just invented bombs, and typing.

and the mongols just invaded most of the universe.

nice going, Genghis!

i bet that will last a long time.

some of the islamic turks were unaffected by the mongol invasions because they were busy invading india.

is it tonga time?

i think it’s tonga time.

i just found out where the swahili gets all their gold.

look at this chad.

means “lake”.

there’s an empire there.

right in the middle of


the king of mali is so rich he’s going on tour to let everyone know.

wow, that guy’s rich, everyone said.

the christians are doing a great job reconquering iberia, which will soon be called spain and not spain.

please remain christian.

we will check in later to see if you’re still christian when you least expect.

whoops, half of europe just died.


china’s back, yay!

hey khmer, time to share.

new kingdoms here and there.

oh, look who controls all the islands.

it’s the mahajapit.






oh, italy’s really rich, time for them to care a lot about art and the ancient classics.

it’s kinda like a rebirth.

here’s a printer.

let’s make books.

so you think you can conquer the byzantine empire?

yep, said the ottoman turks.

nice job, ottoman turks.

whoops, you missed a spot.

don’t forget to ban europe from the indian spice trade.

what? that’s bullshit, said portugal, spiceless.

well i guess we’ll have to find another way to india

wait! said christopher columbus, probably smoking crack.

if the world is round, let’s go this way to india.

nah, don’t worry, we already got this, said portugal.

so chris goes to spain.

hey spain, wanna hire me to find india by going around back of the world?








so he sails into the ocean.

and discovers more ocean.

and then discovers the indies.

and japan.

let’s draw a line to decide who gets which half of the world.

the aztec and inca empires are off to a great start.

i wonder if they know that europe just discovered their continent?

the habsburgs are marrying into so many royal families they might have to start marrying each other.

move over lithuania, here comes moscow.

ivan wants to make russia great again.

move over timurids, maybe go invade india or something.

persia just made persia persian again.

let’s make it the other kind of islam.

the one where we thought the first guy should have been the other guy.

hey christians!

do you sin?

now you can buy your way out of hell.

that’s bullshit.

this whole thing is bullshit.

that’s a scam.

fuck the church.

here’s 95 reasons why, said martin luther, in his new book, which might have accidentally started the protestant reformation.

you know what would be magnificent, said suleiman, wearing an onion hat?

what if the ottoman empire was really big?

which it is now.

what if russia was big? said ivan, trying not to be terrible.

portugal had a dream that they controlled the entire indian ocean, including the spice trade.

and then that dream was real.

and spain realized that this is not india, but they pillaged it anyway.

damn, said england and france.

we gotta start pillaging some stuff.

then the dutch revolt and all the hipsters move to amsterdam.

damn, said amsterdam.

we gotta start pillaging some stuff.

question 1: can you get to india through north america?

no, but at least there’s beaver.

question 2: steal the spice trade.

that’s not a question, but the dutch did it anyway.


guess where all the sugar’s made?

in brazil.


and the caribbean.

and it’s so god damn profitable you might forget to not do slavery.

the next thing on russia’s to-do list is to get bigger.

britain and france are having a friendly discussion about who should control the entire world.

more specifically, ohio.

then it escalates into a seven year discussion, giving prussia a chance to show austria who’s boss.

but what about britain and france, did they figure out who’s boss?

yes they did.

it’s britain.

guess who’s broke?

also britain.

so they start taxing the hell out of america.

fuck you, says america, declaring their independence, and fighting for it.

and france helps them win, now france is broke.

and britain’ll have to send their prisoners to a different continent.

wait, if france is broke, why do the king and queen still wear such fancy dresses?

let’s overthrow the palace and cut all their heads off! said robespierre, cutting everybody’s head off until someone eventually got mad and cut his head off.

you could make a reli- no, don’t.

haiti is staring to like the idea of a revolution.

especially the slaves, who free themselves by killing their masters.

why didn’t we think of this before?

wait, who’s in charge of france now?


said napoleon, trying to take over europe.

luckily, they banished him to an island.

but he came back

luckily, they banished him to another island.

there goes latin america, becoming independent in the latin american wars of independence.

britain just figured out how to turn steam into power.

so now they can make

many different types of machines and factories with machines in them so they can make a lot of products real fast

then they invent some trains.

and conquer india and maybe put some trains there.

hey, china! said britain.

buy stuff from us!

nah dude, we already got everything, says china.

so britain tried to get them addicted to opium.

which worked, actually.

but then china made it illegal and dumped it all into the sea.

so britain threw a hissy fit, and made them open up five cities and give them an island.

britain and russia are playing a game where they try to stop each other from conquering afghanistan.

also, the

sultan of oman lives in zanzibar now

“that’s just where he lives”

india just had a revolution, and they would like to govern themselves now.

nope, said britain, governing them even harder than before.

technology is about to go crazy

the united states finally figured out whether slavery is good or bad.

it’s bad, they decided.

and then they continued manifesting their destiny, which is to kill the rest of the natives and take their land and maybe kick out the mexicans too.

i know, let’s rape africa, said europe, scrambling to see who could rape it the fastest.


britain and france are still hungry.


the united states ran out of destiny to manifest, so they’re looking for more.



wait, spain controls cuba.

well, blame something on them and go to war!

what should we blame on spain?

let’s blame the maine on spain.

so they blame the maine on spain.

now we’re in business.

to celebrate, they kick panama out of panama and make a canal, connecting the two oceans.

britain just found oil in the middle east.


china is so tired of being bossed around that they delete their old government and make a new, stronger government, which is accidentally weaker and controlled by a guy from the previous government.

europe hasn’t had a war since the last war.

so they start world war 1.

look at those guns.

it’s gonna be a great war.

so great we won’t need a second one.

after it’s over, they blame germany.

russia went on strike and the workers overthrew the government.

now everyone’s paycheck is the same.


in the soviet union

the arabs revolt and britain helps.

now the ottoman empire’s gone so we can give the

jewish people a place to live

hopefully the arabs won’t mind.

let’s cut the cake, said sykes and picot, carving up the remains of the not-so-ottoman-anymore empire.

except turkey, turkey makes a brand new turkey

and then the saudis conquer arabia.

it just seemed like the right thing to do.


yes, it’s the 1920’s calling.

let’s get in the car and drive to a party and listen to jazz on the radio and go to the movies.

the economy’s great and it’ll probably be great forever, just kidding.

germany’s back, featuring hitler, the angry mustache model.

and he’s mad at the jews for existing.

japan is finally conquering the east, and they’re so excited they rape nanking way too hard.

they should probably just deny it.

hitler’s out of control.

so the international community tackles him and then tries to explain why killing all the jews is a bad idea.

but he kills himself before they could explain it to him.

that’s world war 2

bonus round!

pacific showdown.

united states vs. japan.


finish him

let’s unite all the nations and have some

world peace

seems legit.

hi, i’m gandhi, and if britain doesn’t get the hell out of india, i’m gonna starve myself in public.

wow, that worked?

bonus, now there’s pakistan.

actually two pakistans.

one of them can be bangladesh later.

the jews and the arabs finally figured out which one of them should live in the holy land.

me, they both said at the same time.

let’s divide up the land so everyone’s happy.

sike, they both get angrier

look out china, there’s a new china in china.

what’s on the menu?


no thanks, said the other china, escaping to an island.

i wonder which one is the real china?

there’s the korean war, korea versus korea.

nobody wins, then it’s on pause forever.

let’s meet the sponsors.

oh, it’s the two global superpowers.

they’re having a friendly debate over which economic system is good, and which one is an evil virus of Satan.

and they both have atom bombs.


wait, no, that would be the end of the world.

let’s just keep it cool and spy on each other instead.

and make sure we have enough atom bombs.

i’ll race you to space.

now let’s make some more countries fight themselves.

europe is tired of pillaging other continents, so the continents they were pillaging are tired of being pillaged.

so here’s a new map, with new countries.

now you can’t tell who they’re being pillaged by.

the united states finally decided whether racism is good or bad.

they decided it’s bad, and the world agrees.

south africa might need another minute to think about it.

let’s check the world population.



technology’s better too, that might keep happening.

the soviet union decides to relax a little, and accidentally falls apart.

europe makes a union, so now they can all use the same money, except britain, because they don’t feel like it.

let’s check the mail.

surprise, it’s on the computer.

whoops, someone just attacked america.

i bet they’ll remember that.

phone call.

surprise, it’s in your pocket.

wanna learn everything?

surprise, it’s on the computer.

now your phone’s a computer, which is in your pocket.

whoops, the economy just crashed.

don’t worry, the big banks won’t fail because they’re not supposed to.


flying robots.

with bombs.

wanna print a brain?

some people have no friends.

some people have no food.

the globe is warming

and the ocean is full of plastic

let’s save the planet! said everybody, not knowing how.

let’s invent a thing inventor, said the thing inventor inventor, after being invented by a thing inventor.

that’s pretty cool.

by the way, where the hell are we?

Something Different pt.2

A/n: Next part is here!! I hope you guys are enjoying this so far~ Kaitlin

Genre: Fluff
Members: Taehyung x Reader
Word Count: 1065

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You’re normal, and you like living your normal, quiet life. But when you meet someone new and exciting, your tastes begin to change…

Originally posted by jxnhyungs

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Sweet Seacrest Blue

Word Count 1032

A/N @dancingalone21 I entered Lau’s AU Funny Quote Challenge, with the Quote, “It takes two to have, you know, hardcore sex.” From Dean. Quote will be in bold.

Warnings, suggested smut, very suggested, rude customer service, booze, virginity.

Reader POV

I stood behind the bar, looking at all of my waiters, letting out a sigh of relief, glad everything was finally running smoothly. I had just gotten my bar up and running, barely, when we had our grand opening, my waiters were still being trained, and I was having to bartend.

That’s when he showed up, his green eyes showing interest as they scanned my bar. I smirked slightly, pouring a shot of whiskey for the man right in front of me, he seemed old, with salt and pepper hair, and beard.

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So I had the DVD under my shoulder and when he got to me I pulled it out and somehow stuttered out “will you sign this DVD” and he physically took a step back and went OH MY GOD and went “of course” and there was a very weird pause where I was silent and he was just smiling at me expecting me to say something but I was low key paralyzed and I said “it wasn’t online so I had to buy it on DVD” and he paused and said “there’s a reason for that”

retrouvaille- Jin (Spring Day series)

Originally posted by seokjkim

(n.) the joy of meeting or finding someone again after a long separation

People often asked why he couldn’t keep his feet glued to the ground. 

Why he couldn’t keep still, why he was always on the move—daring on another adventure. 

He had wings, you see. Unclipped, wide and meant to soar through the clouds. Most people never really understood; called him a lone wanderer—lost in his own vain and pointless dreams. 

At least that’s what his parents always told him. But little did they know Jin’s travels were more than just a lust for distant places…

It was a way of escape. A way of prolonging that little freedom he has left before his responsibilities begin to dictate his life.

“Flight SK 450 bound for Tokyo is now boarding. Repeating the announcement—“

Jin looked up from his reading and licked his lower lip before sliding in his bookmark through the last page he had read. He grunted as he pushed himself off the metal chair then dusted off his jeans.

Grabbing his backpack, he placed his earphones on both ears and let the music take over before walking towards the boarding gate where a group of people were starting to queue, the upbeat melody blasting through his earphones. 

Jin smiled tightly as he handed over his boarding ticket to the gate attendant. 

"Thank you, sir.” She said right after scanning the ticket’s barcode. “Enjoy your flight.”


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Wet Myself While Gaming (And nearly got caught!)

Another post of mine from my early days on, for those whom haven’t seen it! I actually really need to go right now, and re-reading this while I need to is a weird experience.


Hey everyone, it’s me again!

I had another accident last night and I was nearly caught again. It was a series of incredibly erotic events! Luckily my ability to think on my toes in these situations saved my ass again.

So I’ve been playing SOMA. Its a horror game made by the same people who made Amnesia, so if you don’t know of it I just told you everything you need to know.

I’ve been almost home alone since yesterday morning. What I mean by that is, my mother is gone on a trip for work and my brother is also gone away staying at a friends until Sunday, so until then it’s just me and Dad. I was taking advantage of this fact. Dad can’t cook so we’ve been living off pre-made store-bought food like subs and the chicken I just ate, as well as coca cola (Bad for me, I know). Now, I’ve been getting really into this game. Its really scary and really immersive. And I’m easily scared. I’m sure you can see the direction this is going. I was playing last night and had been drinking lots of coca cola. The caffeine really got to me, and I filled up rather quick. I don’t know HOW quick, because time flies when I’m gaming. I was barely paying attention until I noticed I had to cross my legs and rock a little to be remotely comfortable. It was undeniable at this point, I really, REALLY had to pee.

I was wearing tight light blue jeans, complete with a belt with a cute butterfly buckle, and black and white striped panties. My top was…somewhere. I dunno. I’m the type that after she gets home to relax, layers start coming off in no real specific order. I was still wearing my bra, a nice black one I like, but thinking back I’m surprised I didn’t discard that too in favor of just one of my big T-shirts for the sake of comfort. Too eager to immediately get into the game I guess. I didn’t even remember to eat. I rarely do, and when I do hardly enough to get any damn nutrients, thus my being a stick. This forgetfulness will come into play.

So anyway, I was playing SOMA and I really had to pee. Crossing my legs, rocking, no grabbing though, as my hands were occupied with the game (I’m playing this on a dualshock 3 I have connected to my PC. The mouse and keyboard business lately has been making my wrist sore so I’m changing it up!). But I’ve got a bit of a complex where I don’t pause to do something unless I’ve just hit a checkpoint. If I’m in the middle of an objective I don’t stop until I’ve completed it, no matter how urgent other matters might be. The objective in this case, was to go downstairs and reset the network connection so I could run some sort of simulation to get a code from a virtual dude. Of course I get down there and there’s a monster I didn’t predict. Some gross mass of flesh with legs. Anyway, the point is I didn’t know he was in there. And I get really immersed and really frightened.

I walked into the room and felt something was off. It was dark and the music and accompanying atmosphere had gotten heavy. To reiterate, I get a little too immersed. Just being here put a pit in my stomach and a cold sweat on my brow. I snuck around, not really expecting anything to be there. I was quite literally on the edge of my seat, stiff as a statue, legs crossed with a bursting bladder. Just had to hit the button on the other side of the room and I could run off.

But then I rounded a corner and saw it. It wasn’t looking at me, but it was really close and I could see how very grotesque it was. I couldn’t even move my character, I froze. My breathing went heavy and my eyes wide as I sat there, frozen and shaking. And my crotch going damp. Wait what?

I slammed the pause button and shoved my hand between my legs. I was suddenly acutely aware that in being frozen in terror, I had peed in my underwear a little bit. A quick check showed a small patch between my legs. I cursed myself for letting myself be so caught off guard and vowed to run to the bathroom.

As soon as I hit that fucking button, of course.

I unpaused and backed off a bit, composing myself, waiting for the enemy to go away. As soon as I had the chance I slipped across the room. Finally, the network reset button! I flipped the switch. But I had to wait a moment so I could hit it again as confirmation? God dammit.

Of COURSE, the button pushing action would be noisy enough to attract the flesh bag to said computer. I heard it coming so I tried to back up behind one of the server things. But something was blocking my character. Shit. I panicked and turned around to see a chair on the ground. blocking my path. And I turned BACK around, and creepy moaning flesh dude was STARING RIGHT AT ME.

So goddammit, I turned around, jumped over the chair and ran. Sprinted through the weaves of the mazelike room, and out. There was a room outside of it to the left I knew I could shut the door to. My plan was to run in, turn around, slam the door, and figure out a hiding spot in there before he got in. Of course my plan had a fatal flaw.

I was completely unaware that this limping, groaning bag of whatthefuck, could sprint like Usain Bolt like you were leading him around in a race car with a gold medal tied to the back, when you alerted him to your presence. He was sprinting and on my heels the whole way, when I assumed I had a few seconds of respite I really didn’t have.

I ran into my safety room and spun around to slam the door. And it was right there. Sprinting about 5 feet away from me screeching. It slammed into me and the screen went black. Of course during this short timeframe, I SCREAMED. I screamed and I dropped the controller, my hands shooting up to my face. The next thing I knew when I came to my senses, I was wetting myself from sheer terror. My ass was suddenly very warm, and as I was still on the edge of my seat, it was pitter pattering onto the floor. I stood up as fast as I could, crossed my legs, reached my hands down and held on for dear life. I regained control and assessed the damage. The back of my thighs and my ass were…very wet indeed. My pants and underwear were quite obviously saturated beyond saving so I’d have to change. The moment I stood up though my bladder dropped like a rock and I suddenly noticed that it was quite visible. Being a stick of a person, when my bladder gets big I can tell pretty well just by looking at my belly. I had severely leaked, yes, but I still had a ton left in me. So bathroom time it was!

Those of you who have read my last experience already know my bathroom is just a little down the hall from my bedroom, on the 2nd floor. So I shuffled to the door and turned the knob to open it…Just as my dad was coming in. He didn’t know I was on the other side, obviously, and my door, like most bedroom doors, opens inward. The doorknob was swiftly driven…directly into my bladder.

I hid 85% of my body behind the door and peeked around and looked at my dad, asking what he wanted. The door wasn’t wide open obviously, it was just wide enough that he could probably slip through if he turned sideways. While I was asking this I was trembling horribly. That impact to my bladder had knocked my control out of the park. I felt myself slowly start leaking, gradually getting heavier. My crotch was getting warm. The warmth started spreading. I could feel my pants getting wet in the back, and some starting to seep through to the front. I was not in a position where I could start dancing around or suddenly whip one of my hands out of dads view, as I was holding onto the door and leaning around from behind it. He could see from my head to my shoulders I imagine.

He told me I had forgotten to eat and that he had re-heated my food. I stammered, shaking, legs wobbling as I lost further control. I tried so hard to clench my muscles down and press my legs tighter together, but my control was heavily wavering, to the point it was rapidly switching between extremes. One second I had full control, the next I’d hear the hissing for a second and hope he wasn’t hearing it. I was basically peeing my pants now, the wetness traveling much further than my ass given that I was no longer sitting down. It started soaking my legs, leaving trails, two big ones down the back of either leg and smaller ones branching off. I told him I’d be down in a minute to eat. I let out a small audible gasp as my inner thighs became overly saturated and I could feel urine trickling along my bare feet and ankles.

He asked me if I was alright, saying he saw I was shaking. He moved in the door more, pushing the knob further into my bladder. There went any control I had left and the hissing in my jeans became loud and constant. Pee was pouring out of me, and I could feel it traveling all over the front and back of my legs. I groaned loudly as he did this and he raised an eyebrow, and he tried to come in, yet again pushing the knob into my bladder even harder. It was like a hose at this point, it had gone from a stream into a jet, and I was wetting myself so hard the crotch and thighs of my jeans just couldn’t hold this volume at this speed and it started heavily dripping onto the floor, pattering into the now growing puddle around me. He was about to come in and look at me in full and I started to panic.

I suddenly realized that the pee hitting the floor and the loud hissing coming from my now drenched crotch was pretty loud, almost deafening to my in my paranoia and I quickly raised the volume of my voice and used my daughter powers to cover everything.

“DAD!! I’m shaking because I’m cold! I’m not dressed, I’m trying to change in here!!” and gave the door a shove. I can pretty much guarantee you, you will never see a male back off faster in your life. Daughter powers. Every daddy’s girl has them, and they work 100% of the time, and we all know how to use them like its primal instinct. Don’t test us. Not applicable to mothers.

I’m sure the story may seem drawn out while reading but do remember this was a short exchange that lasted like 20 seconds, maybe less. I heard a muffled “Alright, see you downstairs” and him walking off. I turned around and rested my back against the door. I unbuckled my cute little butterfly belt, undid my button and unzipped my jeans to give my aching bladder some relief. I was drenched anyway, so I figured I’d enjoy the moment and just stood there and finished wetting my pants. It felt absolutely wonderful now that the panic was gone. The warmth, the hissing, the general relief…these are sensations I’m sure 98% of you know so I don’t really need to describe that. But it was amazing. And very much a turn on. I sat in my puddle for a bit and just recouped, before sitting back in my chair which also had a tiny puddle in it from earlier, and tabbed over to my browser to look up some…similar material to my situation, and yeah that other stuff.

When I was finished I stripped off and took a shower, put on some jammies, cleaned up my messes with a towel, and I threw all that stuff into my laundry pile (which I did today while Dad was at work) and went down to grab my dinner and kick it back in the living room to watch some netflix with Dad for a bit. Nice bonding time, also partially testing how aware he was. Completely clueless, just as I suspected.

Dyspraxic Social Skills

So, I’m not 100% sure if all of this is dyspraxia or just personality traits, but I’ve mentioned on here before (briefly) that I struggle with expressive social skills even though my social cognition is actually above average*. What I don’t think I’ve ever done is explained exactly what that means.

(Obviously difficulties with social cognition can be found in dyspraxia and other learning disabilities as well, that’s just not the focus of this post. Its also not something I personally struggle with and thus can’t write about for fear of being horribly wrong. I don’t like talking about disabilities I don’t have; I think that’s a really good way of making yourself seem like an ass.)

So, speaking only from my own experiences and not nessesarily anyone else’s (though I’m willing to bet that they aren’t just mine, tbh):

  • Even if you can read body language, that doesn’t mean being able to use body language. I do not have the motor skills to control my facial expressions and body, walk in a straight line, form a sentence that makes coherent sense, and take in the words you’re saying to me all at the same time. I can’t. Being aware of what I’m physically doing just takes too much effort for me to balance it with other things.
  • Sometimes, I know exactly what I want to say, but I can’t put it in words, string those words into the right order, and/or force myself to actually make those words come out sounding like they’re meant to. My brain and my mouth are rarely on speaking terms.
  • Occasionally I actually do just think things and forget to actually say them tbh.
  • There will sometimes be and very often is an awkward pause where I try to actually say something. Again, it’s the translating thought into action issue. I suck balls at it. Sometimes people assume ND folks have nothing to say and fuck off while we’re still trying to work out how to make the mouth noises for “hello”.
  • I stutter. I mispronounce shit. I talk too fast and too quiet.
  • My short-term verbal memory is nonexistant. I will ask you to repeat things, maybe multiple times, because I just totally forgot what you said five seconds ago. I’ll also tell you the same things over and over again because as far as I’m concerned you’re hearing them for the first time.
  • I find focusing on conversations hard, especially in groups. I’ll drift off and lose track of what’s going on.
  • I can’t really organise and plan what I’m saying very well (typing is easier in this regard, somehow), so I tend to go off on tangents or repeat myself. A lot of the time I just sort of trail off or talk round in circles because I don’t know the point I’m trying to make. Be patient with me.
  • This is an ADHD-comorbid trait, but I have this nasty habit of blurting out things without meaning too, which might be rude, or irrelevant, or innapropriate for the emotional tone of a conversation. I don’t really have a good explanation for this when it happens, other than that the thought popped into my head and I needed to get it out before I lost it. Its not intentional rudeness, its an executive function issue.

anonymous asked:

Hello. Can you pretty please write a one shot where Harry wants to ask you to marry him but he's nervous to ask? Thank you.

A/N:  A few people asked me to write another piece from Gemma’s point of view, and this seemed like the perfect opportunity to do that.  Who else would Harry talk to about proposing than his sister?  

Code Pink 

Code White

“Gems.  I’ve got a Code White.”

“Harry.  What the fuck is a Code White?”

“What d’yeh mean?  You knew what a Code Pink was!”

“Duh.  We had planned the Code Pink for years.  I knew all of the attributes you were looking for in a future wife.  But what the hell is a Code….oh.”  There was a pause as the information sunk into my brain.  My baby brother was actually planning to….I couldn’t even think it…I couldn’t picture it.  “Are you serious, Harry?”

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