vodkafolie  asked:

Tyr for the dating meme? ;DD



  • Great dad/grandpa, loves kids. Plays with them and spoils them rotten.
  • Will fight to the death to protect you- your enemy’s death!
  • Gentle bebe, gives the sweetest kisses, will brush his hand across your arm sub-consciously, very affectionate.
  • will just. roll around in bed with you and cuddle
  • did i mention affectionate?
  • sentimental af


  • Socially awkward and a little reclusive
  • Gets his words jumbled up a may say something accidentally offensive when he meant to compliment.
  • Loves his spear as much as he loves you, maybe more.
  • Still gets defensive about his missing arm, may bristle or stubbornly snap at you
Maternity Memes

Memes about motherhood, having babies, and parenting. Some borderline NSFW and mildly offensive. Includes adoption!

Pregnancy& Motherhood

  • “But you’re hardly showing!”
  • “You are really big now!”
  • “Maybe it’s time to shop for something more flattering?”
  • “Maternity wear. You. You’ve gone without it for too long.”
  • “Did you hear the baby’s heartbeat?”
  • “How far along are you?”
  • “So when are you due?”
  • “Do you have nursery themes picked out?”
  • “Are you having a little boy or a little girl?”
  • “I know you went to get the ultrasound done.”
  • “You have to tell me if pregnancy sex is as kinky as I’ve heard it is!” 
  • “Just consider gender neutral colors for a second. Hear me out.”
  • “I’m just saying gendered colors are not as evil as people make them out to be.”
  • “You’re certain the baby isn’t someone else’s right?” 
  • “You can’t clean the cat box. There’s other stuff you can’t do while pregnant, either.”
  • “If you get put on bedrest, your entire house will fall apart and you know it.”
  • “So I guess you’ll go straight back to work after this?”
  • “Goodbye working world, hello stay-at-home-mommy! Right?”
  • “Your feet have got to be killing you!”
  • “Your boobs are gonna get so huge!” 
  • “You know you’ll be sore from breastfeeding, right?”
  • “So I guess you’re gonna pick a side in that breastfeeding and bottlefeeding thing, right?”
  • “I hope you’re not afraid to accept some help. You’ll need it.”
  • “I hope s/he is going to be pitching in more?”


  • “You’re not gonna keep it, right? I mean face it, you’re not parenthood material!”
  • ”I understand you don’t want to keep the baby and I support whatever you want to do.”
  • “You’re giving up your baby to great parents. That’s not selfish.”
  • “That’s so selfish of you to not even think of your baby. Of course they want to know you more than two strangers just raising them!”
  • “Wait, so you’re adopting a baby?”
  • “I don’t think I’d be able to love a child that isn’t my blood.”
  • “You already love them so much. It’s obviously meant to be.”
  • “How much does a baby cost, anyway? Can’t you just buy a dog and call it even?”
  • “Are you afraid your paperwork will get rejected?”
  • “Does traveling to get your baby scare you?”
  • “Will you change their name?”
  • “Did something happen to the parents?”
  • “I’m certain you’re strong enough to answer their questions when they’re old enough to ask them.”
  • “You shouldn’t keep secrets about their life. Don’t lie to them about being adopted.”
  • “I wouldn’t call it lying. I would call it being selective. They don’t have to know they didn’t come out of your womb, right?”


  • “Once you have a kid, you lose everything. Your sex life, your party life, your quiet life. It’s gone.” 
  • “Those eighteen years go too fast.” 
  • “So what’s more exciting? The poopie Picassos at 3am or the green bean Van Goghs at dinner?”
  • “I guess you haven’t heard a modern music station in the past year. I guess you’ve memorized the soundtrack to the latest cartoon musical!”
  • “So is the sugary cereal for them or are you happy you get an excuse to eat it again?”
  • “Be honest. You play with your kid’s toys more than they do.”
  • “When they call for you, you feel like a superhero because you are their super hero.”
  • “When you accept that a toddler is just a tiny drunk college student having a meltdown, you start to feel better.”
  • “If I have to sit through the Wiggles one more time…”
  • “I like hanging out with you more than my child-free friends. You have food. You have ice pops. You also have Disney movies.”
  • “Lego bombs. Oh my god, lego bombs in the carpet..”
  • “The minivan was probably the sensible purchase.”
  • “I had no idea a baby could fart that loud!”
  • “Dressing baby girls is fun. Then they age three years and the boys get the better, tasteful clothing. Girls? No they get the glitter bombs from hell.”
  • “They say you love them the first time you hold them.”
  • Marius:No offense, but maybe you think I'm going too fast with Cosette because you're going too slow with Grantaire!
  • Enjolras:No offense, but I'm going slow because the cause is more important.
  • Marius:No offense, but maybe that's a little bit of an excuse for not acting on your feelings!
  • Enjolras:No offense, but I don't remember you having a degree in feelings!
  • Marius:Offense! That's rude!
  • Maes:No offense, but maybe you think I'm going too fast with Gracia cause you're going too slow with Hawkeye!
  • Roy:No offense, but I'm going slow 'cause we might lose our jobs!
  • Maes:No offense, but maybe that's a little bit of an excuse for not acting on your feelings!
  • Roy:No offense, but I don't remember you having a military rank in feelings!
  • Maes:Offense! That's rude!
hey some music aus?

- u play guitar and i play ukulele. let’s swap our instruments for a week and see how it goes (why are these strings so small??)

- i’m just not good at sight-reading and you’re in my choir class could u help tutor me?

- singing solfege scales together !!

- no offense but that’s really not how you hold a drum stick do u need me to demonstrate

- in a music store and wow my instrument’s really out of tune. hey, you on the piano, could u hit a c for me please

- stand partners in orchestra. you’re much quicker than me could u turn the pages for us?

- you’re much bigger than me and play the violin. i’m a lot smaller and i play the cello

- at the piano recital and what the heck the program says you’re playing the same song as me. u better not be better bc you sure are cuter

- teach me how to play the flute? (u look ethereal playing it)

question for social justice tumblr

Why is “all lives matter” seen as an offensive and racist statement?
To an extent, I can understand how some people could be using it for their own benefit, but at the same time, “all lives matter” is more inclusive because it’s not just about black lives, it includes asian/native american/latinx/etc lives as well, which are also poc, and thus less privileged.
I really don’t understand this. The logic seems a little backward and I couldn’t find anything useful on Google, so maybe someone out there has an answer?

{ Septiplier AU } - I t S t a r t e d W i t h T h e R a i n

Jack McLoughlin has the worst luck–he’s lonely, awkward, and caught out in the rain. With no umbrella, he’s unable to get home without being completely soaked, and no offense, but the idea isn’t exactly appealing. The bus isn’t an option since it stops nowhere even close to home, and it seems like the rain will never let up. All he’d wanted to do was get some groceries. Typical.

But that’s when Mark Fischbach strolls into his life, offering an umbrella, company, and maybe a little more. This chance occurrence leads to not only more meetings at his apartment and at the crosswalk, but perhaps a few dates at the coffee shop and park as well. Mark is funny, charismatic, and absolutely endearing, and Jack can’t help but be enamored with the dark-haired stranger. But little does Jack know, Mark is a more than a bit smitten with him, too.

And so begins the love story of two undeniably imperfect people, who found their way to each other, all because of a rainy day.

“Jack? If…it’s alright, I’d like to see you again.”

“Y-yeah? That’s..ahm…I’d like to see ya again too, Mark.” 

a word for it

This is… rather loosely based on your prompt. Disclaimer: I don’t identify as ace – maybe a little gray – so if anything about this ficlet is inaccurate or offensive, let me know and I’ll correct/take it down.

“I‘m not saying you can’t have a relationship without it. I’m just saying it’s an important part of a lot of relationships.”

Nursey punctuates his point with a stab of the joint into the air, like it’s the tip of a sword. They’re high and on the porch of the Haus and hanging, and somehow the topic’s turned to sex. All Dex said was that he doesn’t think it’s that big a deal. Which is apparently the hill Nursey’s decided to die on tonight.

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When does a hill become a mountain? Maybe geologists have defined them in meters and angles, poets must have mused on the difference in feeling, and birds might take offense to the comparison of smudges. There is no distinction in Chinese: 山 (shan) is the little hill hiding tombs among the forests of pine, 山 is the rolling mounds that together form a recumbent face, 山 is that jagged curtain concealing the morning sky.
—  AGK

Ok well since I added tags to that post anyways.

I get really annoyed when people try to make every little thing about racial equality. Yes, it’s important. Yes, it’s an issue. Yes, it matters and people should works towards more equal treatment for everyone.
But no, it shouldn’t have to come into play when you’re talking about who someone dates and their preferences. Just because someone doesn’t like to date black (or African-American, to avoid any offense) girls or guys doesn’t mean they’re stereotyping. It doesn’t mean they don’t respect them. It doesn’t mean that they’re being socially unjust. MAYBE THEY LIKE SPANISH GIRLS OR ASIAN GIRLS OR WHATEVER BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT THEYRE PHYSICALLY AND/OR MENTALLY ATTRACTED TO. I don’t understand you people. When it comes to who someone wants to date, it seriously comes down to personal preference.
Tbh, it’s the racial equivalent to telling someone “But she’s such a nice girl/guy.” “Give them a chance.” like fuck, I prefer Asian and White guys and girls. Does that mean I respect any other nationality/racial group any less? No. I have a god damn preference. If you have a problem with that, sorry not sorry.

“Santana, with this money you wouldn’t have to worry about borrowing from your parents.” Quinn points out and Santana rolls her eyes.

“It’s not borrowing if they just give it to me.” Santana explains with a wave of her hand.

“Are you gonna use their money to maybe one day buy an engagement ring for Brittany?” Quinn asks with a raised eyebrow.

“Who says I’ll be buyin’ the ring?” Santana scoffs, placing her hand to her chest feigning offense to such a question. Quinn ignores Santana’s response and smiles sweetly ay Brittany.

“And Brittany, don’t you want enough money to buy… I don’t know… candy for life?”

“I’ve always wanted to buy a farmhouse where me, Santana and the kids can vacation.” Brittany muses with a tilt of her head.

“Hold up.” Santana steps closer to the other two girls and holds her hand up while the other sits on her hip. “In this little speech I have suddenly acquired a wife and an unclear amount of Pierce-Lopez spawn. What is it that you want the money for Q?” She turns to Quinn with a skeptical look on her face. “What’s your angle?” She crosses her arms over her chest.

“No angle.” Quinn shakes her head.

“There’s always an angle. You taught me that.”

Don't dress up as something offensive for halloween

Instead you could go as;
-a large lollipop
-maybe a candy cane
-a dOG
-a cute little faerie ppl love faeries
-a crayon
-a tv show character of the same race as u (looking at u blackface don’t do it just don’t do it)
-or a prince but really a PRINCESS
-go in a matching costume w/ ur 5 year old child/sibling/relative/that kid u babysit that wants to go trick or treating but their parents won’t take them
-a skeleton
-find one of those cool SFX videos on YouTube and try to do that
-even if it looks bad props for trying
-sit at home and watch movies??
-pass out candy w/ur grandpa on the porch
-maybe like a vampire or something
-be a monster bunny rabbit who eats candy
-but it’s not really candy
-it’s humans
-go as a character from ur fav Halloween movie
-or ur fav tv show or book
-don’t be offensive please
-also don’t scare small children
Thank you this has been a psa

What is your flirt trick/tip/ pickup lines to get a girl ;)

Pickup line: Do you mind if I follow you home? My parents always told me to follow my dreams.  - mpingsmart3 

Quietly crush on her and be too afraid to talk to her… there’s a reason I’m still single. >_> - indigothegaymer 

Hey wanna makeout? -  serialchiller52

Well-placed and well-chosen compliments go a long way - im-homosexy-and-i-know-it

“I may not go done in history but I will go done on you” - way-toooo-gay

At first I don’t flirt offensive! Just a little eye-contact, maybe a short smile. If she’s one of my besties I tell her everything I feel about her. If she smells good I say it :) My gf says I’m a “gentlegirl” because I open every door e.g One last tip, let her feel like she’s the only one for you and be honest. Everyone deserves someone who makes them feel like they are in heaven. I’m sorry for my english -Anon

Once I was at a party with cream filled cup cakes. This girl was standing by the food table and I walked over. Stood there for a minute. Picked up a cup cake. And without looking at her, said “you know, I can get all the cream out of the bottom of this with just my tongue” she turned bright red and kinda whispered “no you can’t” I just looked at her, “you wanna bet?” -Anon

i usually look at the girl and smile, if she smiles back is a good sign, if she look to the front but then look again its a good sign, now if she doesn’t look anymore she’s probably not interested haha >-< - superwomandidi

The only tip I could possibly give is be yourself and make em laugh -Anon

Someone said this pick up line to me once I actually think its pretty decent It goes like “I wish I could be one of your tears so I could be born in your eyes, run down your face, and die on your lips” - anonymous-mingles 

Safe - Nathan Prescott x Reader

Originally posted by valrider

{Credit to gif creator}

Fandom- Life is Strange

Character- Nathan Prescott {Includes Warren Graham, Victoria Chase, Kate Marsh, Max Caulfield

Word Counter- 1175 Words 

Persona- Female

Warnings- Episode 2 spoilers. Offensive language.

Request- Hello, hi! Could you maybe do a nathan prescott x reader again? I really enjoyed the last one. Maybe something like he can only really smile for real around you? I know im prescott trash, but he’s so cute!! Thanks!! ^¬^

So I do kinda sway from the request and go off into something a lot deeper and darker, so it’s kinda like the request, thrown in with my own idea, I hope you still enjoy it though! <3

You were walking out of English with Warren Graham, your current guy best friend after your little fall out with Nathan Prescott the ‘rich bitch kid’. You liked Nathan for what he was inside, not outside.

“So, you and the Prescott Prince?” Warren asked, noticing you were deep in thought.

“Warren, nothing is going on between us,” You tell him and he smirks.

“It’s okay if there is,” He says, unsure of his words, I mean, Nathan did beat him up yesterday.

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It’s worth here invoking another Kanye West–ism: “Listen to the kids, bro.” Each generation rebels in its own way; we must learn how to cross the line even as it’s being drawn in chalk in a rainstorm. A culture that forces us to be a little more aware of the world around us, that doesn’t rely on outdated conventional wisdom and thus makes us work a little harder and look a little deeper for a joke, is not necessarily a bad thing. Young people right now are becoming increasingly vocal about structures and abuses of power; maybe a joke that reheats old stereotypes about women or race or AIDS isn’t offensive so much as played out. Maybe “offense,” as this documentary so narrowly defines it, just isn’t that funny anymore. Maybe, to a younger generation, it reeks of the old guard.

By and large, the comedians that are currently striking a chord with millennials are not interested in offending marginalized groups so much as deriving humor from their specific truths. (South Park cocreators Trey Parker and Matt Stone are interesting transitional figures in this debate: Like Christopher Lee, they pride themselves on being equal-opportunity offensive, but the literal cartoonishness of their comedy allows them a distance from those offended by their punch lines. You can’t exactly tweet your outrage at Cartman.) The success of Aziz Ansari, Amy Schumer, Ali Wong, Key & Peele, Chelsea Peretti, Samantha Bee, Jessica Williams, and Tig Notaro all, to some extent, bears this out. In their own ways, each of these comics represents a viewpoint that has been underrepresented in the art form’s history: Bee brings a refreshingly feminist point of view to the male-dominated genre of the late-night talk show; Ansari derives humor from being the American-ized child of immigrants; Wong taped her latest special, Baby Cobra, while seven months pregnant. If comedy is all about boldly confronting taboos, what could be more taboo than giving voice to those who have so often been shut out of conversations?

anonymous asked:

Drunk Felicity gets arrested and Oliver has to bail her out at like 2 in the morning

This might be a little OOC, but go with it.


The gate to the holding cell slide open with a loud clang and Felicity walked out smiling sheepishly. And looking completely tossed.

Oliver looked at her sympathetically, taking her arm to steady her.

“We’re not charging her with anything,” the officer told Oliver, his eyes on Felicity as she stood unsteadily on four inch heels. “We’ll call it a warning this time, since she has no prior offenses.”

“Thank you, Officer,” Oliver said, shaking the man’s hand. Felicity leaned against his shoulder.

The officer nodded. “Maybe don’t let her drink as much in the future,” he suggested.

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Starter for ecto-rp

“Arthur I reaaaaally don’t think this is gonna work.”

“Yeah, you do look pretty dumb in that. No offense.”

Lewis and Vivi shared a look, the bluenette was obviously trying not to laugh at Arthur vain attempt to hide his little…condition. The baggy pants might be able to pass since the work suit was baggy on Arthur anyway, but the hat? No way.

“Maybe you should just tell him?” The ghost offered gently. “I mean, this is Lance we’re talking about. I don’t think anything fazes that guy. Like…at all.”