War - Winchester Sister
Warnings: Suicide, mention of self harm, depression, Sam and Dean being asshole of brothers
Word Count: 1767 (damn)
Life was hard. Of course, because that’s what life was about. Challenges, fights, and war.
“What the hell was that?!” Dean was shouting, again. We were out on a hunt that Sam found about a week ago, a simple hunt? No. Werewolves. Here we were to think it was just one or two, not a whole pack of seven. “I’m sorry! It’s not my fault!” “Don’t give me that bullshit.” He growled as I gently placed Sam on the bed earning a groan from him. “M’ sorry Sammy.” I said, kissing his forehead and quickly running out of the room to get the first aid kit that we kept in the closet down the hall before rushing back and getting out the needle and bandages.
“This is your damn fault.” Dean growled, running a hand down his face and starting to pace the room. “Dean! Stop it, you’re not helping Sam at all by just pacing the room.” “Well I wouldn’t have to help him if you didn’t mess up in the first place!” “That doesn’t matter right now!” Glaring at each other, before a sigh fell from my lips as I went back to working on Sam.
“You’re such a disappointment.” He sneered, voice dripping with venom as he left the room slamming the door. Probably going to take baby for a drive to clear his mind. Tears blurred my vision, but no matter what my goal was to stitch Sam up, my big brother and then get some rest for myself. “You shouldn’t have taken the hit for me Sammy..” I mumbled, brushing the hair out of his face as I started finishing up. Leaving the first aid kit on the table, in case he needed it in the morning while I walked to the door, taking a glance back at him before shutting it behind me and going back to my own room. Dean’s words ringing in my head ‘your damn fault’ ‘disappointment’ And he was right.
I knew my place with Sam and Dean, they would die for each other, of course. And I was just their useless baby sister, I knew I didn’t matter. Not to them.
Entering my room, I shut the door behind myself. Laying on the bed and letting the voices consume my head as always. Everyday was a battle to pass by, and the scars on my body was proof of that. But they didn’t know, no. How could I ever tell my brother’s who don’t even care? So, I don’t.
“Dean look! I drew a picture for you!” Five year old Y/n said, holding it up to her older brother that was cooking dinner so he could see. “Look’s great Y/n.” She frowned, “But you aren’t even looking!” A whine fell from her lips, “Y/n I’m busy right now.” “Pwease Dean?” “Not now.” “Dean?” “I said not now Y/n!” Tears filled the little girl’s eyes as she ran away and out of the room, not eating dinner that night.
“Sammy can you read me a story tonight?” “I can’t Y/n.” “Well, why not?” Seven year old Y/n asked, tilting her head to the side and walking over to him. “Because I’m.. Busy.” He said as she furrowed her eyebrows and tilted her head. “But you’re not doing anything.” He sighed and rolled his eyes. “I said no Y/n, okay?” She frowned and turned around walking away clutching her stuffed moose close to her chest. “Okay Sammy..”
Twelve year old Y/n ran with the soccer ball between her feet, being one of the most fastest and skilled on the team, she was always on the field. “Go Y/n!” Her friends cheered as she got closer to the net, taking a shot as the ball went into the net just before the timer went off, making her team win the game as they all cheered and ran over to hug and give her high fives. A grin was on her face, looking over at at the benches, hoping to see her big brothers. Instead, only seeing parents of the other kids as she sighed and frowned. They promised her they would come, and they didn’t.
“Hey um, guys?” Sixteen year old Y/n asked, walking up to her brothers that were sitting around the room on the couches. “Hey Y/n, what’s up?” “Um.. I’m in the Talent show this Friday.. I was wondering if you guys could come..? It’d mean a lot to me.” “Of course we’ll come!” “really?” “Yeah, sure.” Dean chuckled, before returning back to the Tv as she grinned. “Thanks!”
That following Friday, Y/n was backstage, looking out to try and find her brothers, only to frown when she didn’t see them when walking on stage. But she sang anyway, and she sang so loud, and so amazing that the whole audience boomed with cheers. But it didn’t matter to her, because her brothers weren’t there to cheer her on as well.
“Dean I’m twenty year’s old I can do what I want!” “I said no Y/n! You’re staying here and that’s final!” “You’re not my father!” Dean’s eyes widened for a split second, before he glared and grabbed her wrist tightly. “No! but I sure as hell raised you, and you’ll only slow us down! So stay here and don’t get in our damn way!” He yelled, shoving you back as you landed on the cold floor with tears stinging your eyes, looking up at Sam who gave you a nod as they both walked away.
“Fuck!” Y/n yelled, being pinned down by a werewolf as she struggled and kicked him off, running to get her gun as it ran and pounced to claw at her chest, only for Sam to jump in the way taking the blow. “Sam!” She cried, shooting the werewolf as she rushed to his side taking off her flannel and pressing it to his wound. “I’m sorry Sammy, I’m sorry..” She repeated, as Dean finished off the last werewolf and rushed over to her. “What the hell happened?!” Tears were flowing down Y/n’s face as she choked on her sobs “H-He took my hit..” A growl fell from Dean’s lips as he threw ran his hands through his hair. “Fuck! What the hell’s wrong with you!?” “I-I’m sorry, just please Dean he needs help..” “You better be sorry, I told you, you only slow us down and get in our way.” He growled before walking away.
Clutching onto your pillow tightly as tears flowed down your face, you finally realized, you weren’t welcome here. Rushing to the bathroom, You grabbed a bottle of pain killers along with your phone and wallet. Putting on your hoodie, you quietly opening your door, you glanced down the hallway. You hadn’t heard Dean come home yet, and you were positive Sam was still asleep. Silently walking down the hallway, you walked up the stairs and opened the door, turning around and taking a quick glance around the bunker. Tears blurring your vision as you hung your head and walked out shutting the door behind you for the last time. You started running, as you running came to a jog, and your jog came to a walk. Not even sure how long you were outside for, maybe half an hour by now as you soon came to the town, stepping into the small motel, walking to the front and paying for a room. Taking the key, you walked outside to your room. Opening the door before shutting it behind you and walking into the bathroom.
Stepping into the bathtub, you sat inside of it, resting your head back against the wall as you closed your eyes. Listening to the voice screaming at you in your mind.
All you felt was numb, not even knowing if you felt anything at all anymore.
Taking out your phone, you dialled Sam’s cell, tears running down your face as you wiped them with the hem of your sleeve. A small smile creeped up onto your lips hearing his voice from the voicemail one last time, until it beeped. “Hey Sammy..” You sniffed and looked up running a hand through your hair. “I’m sorry for everything.. You getting hurt because of me, it’s all my fault. I’m not worth it, I don’t know why you did it. Thank you for being my big brother, even when you weren’t there for me when I needed you, you were still my big brother. And I could never hate you. I’m sorry. I love you.” A sigh fell from your lips as you hung up, Dean was next, and you were begging he’d leave you to voicemail, but at the same time. You knew he would, he’d still be too mad at you to talk. Hearing his voicemail made you smile, even though he was an ass to you no longer than two hours ago, you still loved your older brother. “Hey Dean, it’s your least favourite sister.” Weakly smiling, with tears endlessly continuing to run down your face, no matter how many times you wiped them away. “I’m sorry.. It’s my fault, I know I’m a disappointment. I get that you hate me, and it’s okay, don’t worry. I hate me too. But you won’t have to worry about me anymore, okay? Take care of Sammy for me, just like you always do. Because he’s more important than anyone else, right?” Pulling out the bottle of painkillers, you glanced down at them with a sniff. “I love you Dean. No matter what. I’m sorry for everything.” Smiling sadly, you hung up your phone. Staring down at the bottle of pills in your hands as sobs racked your body. This was your only chance, and you were gonna take it. Glancing at your phone one last time, it started vibrating. Blowing up with phone calls, text messages. Everything. Quickly grabbing it, you turned it off. If you were going out, you were going out in silence.
Taking off the lid, you instantly put the bottle to your mouth, downing every last pill and swallowing all of them until they were gone. Gripping the bottle tightly in your hand. You rested your head back. Looking up at the ceiling with a smile on your face as tears continued flowing, you actually did something right for once in your life.
As everything was going blurry, and darkness faded over one last time.
We’ve all been to war, whether it’s real life, or in your own mind surrounded by demons.
UM, first of all I just wanna say thank you to Savannah for getting me to write again because she’s been writing so much for our blog lately, thank you Sav.
And second of all, suicide is never the answer, we’ve all been to war please think about everything and if you need help please call a hotline because you are all lovely and we love it when you guys are around, you make a difference, thank you.
Canadian Hotline - 1-800-668-6868
American Hotline - 800-273-8255