this was supposed to be something else entirely but i fucked up so

anonymous asked:

pls expand on your ridiculous experiences during one semester at a fake college

okay I got a few asks about this so let me see what I can remember right now. These might not all be in chronological order

- At orientation, they were talking about the reservation near campus and all these pretty sites and this kid in the back of the auditorium goes “So uhh…heard this place might be built over a Native American burial ground?”

- The speaker: “…Let’s not think about that, okay?”

- The freshman were on campus alone for like a week and a half (other than the RA’s) before the other students and I just. The parties. Were out of control. An ambulance was called basically every night.

- I walked into the bathroom the first night there to find a girl literally dying because someone slipped something in her drink and she was having a Very Bad Reaction

- Sting- you know, the singer- ‘s son lived in my residence hall. This boy almost accidentally killed me on three separate occasions (while I was just trying to do my laundry)

- I told my family about this at Thanksgiving. Everyone in the room advised me to seduce him

- I ate breakfast in the dining hall exactly once. I got scrambled eggs. I noticed no one had brought out ketchup with the condiments and politely asked about it. I received glares from at least ten different people. Apparently people there don’t believe in ketchup on eggs.

- There were these two boys in my English class known as “The Lumbard Guys”. They didn’t live in my residence hall, but they would come over almost every night, start a party, and destroy part of the basement.

- At orientation this one kid got mad and set his shoe on fire to prove a point

- Also at orientation like??? My roommate disappeared???? And I never saw her again???

- Listen like…this campus just looked like the perfect setting for a horror film, but none of the people from the area got that. They all thought I was crazy until some comic from Comedy Central did a stand up act and said “Why the hell is this campus so creepy? I feel like I’m gonna leave here with someone else wearing my face!”. I felt way too validated.

- ALL OF MY CLASSES WERE SO FAKE

- My “math” class was actually a disguised home ec. course???? All we had were word problems that were incredibly detailed recipes or instructions on how to fix things. The teacher, who I swear to GOD was actually my Mr-Rogers-Wannabe guidance counselor from high school in disguise, spent more time trying to come up with names and backstories for the models in the text book than actually trying to teach

- I had to take a class called “first year seminar” because neither of my parents went to college. It was supposed to be teaching you about how the school works and stuff but SUPRISE BITCH WE’RE JUST GONNA YELL ABOUT RACISM AND PRIVELGE FOR AN HOUR.

- Literally that’s all we did. Just the whole class bonding over all these struggles we had gone through and getting fired up. Like, it was great, but I also ended up knowing very little about campus and school stuff bc that was the class that was supposed to be teaching me lmao

- My Psych teacher was fucking hysterical for the first few classes but then he just. Vanished. I had to drop the class

- My Fine Arts teacher just. Couldn’t stick to a teaching plan. Her entire wardrobe was scarves. She was very passionate about African masks. She had a flapper haircut. She spoke quietly, but with a marvelously forced tone of voice that I’m certain was her trying to sound impressive and hide a Boston accent. She didn’t seem to understand the year was 2014. She took us into the city to go to the Art Museum and we lost her in there, never to be seen again

- I’m not even kidding

- My “writing” teacher was my absolute fav omfg. She was this long grey haired hippie lady who worked as a nurse for the Grateful Dead and was still stuck there. She may or may not have hooked up with my uncle. I was her favorite student because one day I came in wearing a “HAIR” shirt. She wanted to take the class to England for the sole purpose of going on a Beatles tour

- But like…she did not teach a writing class omfg. She taught a social justice class. All we did was have informed debates about The Issues and listen to music and occasionally watch the Breakfast Club. Every time there was a big paper due on the syllabus, she’d just sit on her desk and go “I mean, I don’t have to cover anything, right? You guys know how to write!” Like I genuinely don’t think she knew what class she was teaching

- There was a boy who sat next to me in that class. He was deaf in one ear and used that as an excuse when he got caught blatantly not paying attention. It worked every time. But I was right next to him. I saw him playing Yu-Gi-Oh on some website on his phone under the table. One time we started talking about model cars and he pre-cummed.

- There was a boy who roamed the campus in a long black trench coat and a weird hat. I never saw his body and started to suspect he might not have one, just the theory of one. He took interest in me because I was the only person in class who ever got his Doctor Who jokes. He’d come up to me at dinner and blast quiz me on various nerd culture before running off and disappearing into the shadows. Just as I was starting to grudgingly accept I was probably going to have to eventually hook up with him for the greater good, I apparently offended him by saying I like Picard more than Kirk. He didn’t stick around to listen to my reasoning. Whenever I saw him after that he would loudly start talking about how great his girlfriend was. Everyone knew he was lying. I wonder if Kirk ever sucked his theoretical dick as well as I would have.

- I gave a football player a shout out on Yik Yak. He really appreciated it, and gave me some fries laced with weed as a thanks. That was such A Night ™ , I watched the Lorax and left the dimension.

- Every time we had dances, this creepy guy named Horace would find me and use my obvious discomfort to make me dance with him. He’d hold my wrists and shove his crotch on mine while vaguely swaying to the beat. I had to escape to the bathroom every few minutes. Finally the security just banned him from the events altogether. I can still see his face clearly in my mind.

- One night, I walked into the bathroom to find a perfect, untouched pizza laying on the floor…but not in a box. Someone literally just took it out of the box and laid it down. I’m still fuming.

- One time I was in the mostly empty library when I smelled something. I walked down the rows of shelves before rounding the corner, and found the President of the college hidden there, sitting on the floor, smoking, a bottle of vodka in his hands. We held eye contact for a solid minute. He slowly shook his head at me. I said “Sir, your house is like…literally across the street.” He shook his head more vigorously. I left the library.

- One night, I heard screaming. I looked out the window to find a girl in a giraffe costume scaling my building. People were throwing water bottles at her. I was concerned. I didn’t know who to talk to for answers.

- I was in line trying to pay for dinner. One of the lunch ladies climbed on top of the ice cream machine and refused to come down. Her friend came over and they started recreating the balcony scene from Romeo and Juliet. Very few people acknowledged it.

- Someone jacked up the soda dispenser so it was only dispensing beer. None of the staff cared enough to fix it.

- I caught my RA in the middle of a drug deal so she gave me a coupon for free ice cream

- Also side note: The soft served ice cream machine on campus was actually a frozen yogurt machine. I had no problem with that, but like, advertise correctly, you know? Nobody else seemed to understand my confusion. Nobody else seemed to understand that froyo and ice cream are two different things. What the hell.

- There were just…so many moths all over the campus. A terrifying amount. When it started getting colder I was like, finally, I won’t be attacked by moths anymore! Only for even more moths to appear. I asked a local about it. “Oh, those are the winter moths!” What the fuck are winter moths? What the fuck, Massachusetts? My friend back home grew convinced that Mothman was in the area. I was inclined to believe her. Sometimes I close my eyes and all I can see are moths everywhere, waiting for the moment to strike.

-  I’ve encountered deer many times in my life. I know how they act around people. But the deer on this campus were just weird. They’d run out at people all the time. One almost shoved me into traffic.

- My roommate gave my phone number out to literally anyone she found who mentioned they liked to read or liked Doctor Who. She was concerned I had no friends. No one ever called.

- I met a small Greek girl in my Fine Arts class. Our first day of talking, she made me climb a mountain with her so she could get to tutoring, even though I had no reason to be in that building. Her roommates kept mysteriously disappearing. She was late to everything. She’d call me randomly to get food at 1 in the morning. She kept somehow breaking phones and tvs and other electronics. When I asked her how they kept breaking, she waved it off with “Oh, I have OCD. You wouldn’t understand”. I have OCD, and I still don’t understand. One time she invited me out with her friends from high school. I waited outside her building for two hours, while the other friends waited in the parking lot for two hours, because we didn’t know how to find each other. She eventually came outside at 10:30 pm. We went to Friendly’s. She made us stop at her house so she could grab something. We pulled up a long, winding driveway and stopped in a parking lot. At the end of the parking lot were stone stairs that lead up to a mansion on a hill. She ran inside and the rest of us stayed in the car, listening to High School Musical and talking about Supernatural. When she came out 40 minutes later we decided to try and prank her. It went wrong. We almost ran over her friend’s sister with the car. They invited me to a pumpkin patch. When I started complaining about my roommate, she asked me to move in with her. I thought about the other three girls who had seemingly gone missing. I politely declined. Six months after I left the school, I received a text from her asking for notes for an exam, and radio silence after that. I can’t find her on facebook. I fear she might have gone missing too.

- One night, as I was standing outside huddled in the cold, a boy came up and offered me a cigarette to help me stay warm. I turned it down, but he stood around talking to me for a few minutes afterwards. I felt absolutely no awkwardness at all. He was a musician from Colorado. He sang a bit of one of his songs. He was dropping out of school to go to California the next week. He told me I had beautiful eyes, but his were the most alive eyes I’ve ever seen so I couldn’t believe the compliment. We talked for about ten minutes and I fell a little bit in love. He had to rush off to a club meeting, but he told me he’d rather keep talking. He gave me the sweetest smile before he left. I didn’t get his last name or number and I never saw him again.

- There was a dance on Halloween. I couldn’t think of a sufficiently slutty yet classy costume, so I just went as Osgood from Doctor Who. When I got there there was a huge crowd, but people quickly grew bored and started leaving. There ended up being six people left (myself included). We stayed because we could see the upset faces of everyone who had planned the event, but actually had one of the most fun nights of my life. We- myself, the girl from across the hall, Trench Coat Boy, his tiny friend who never spoke, and a boy and girl I didn’t know who seemed to be professional dancers- danced nonstop for almost three hours. The strobe lights and poppy music solidified an unspoken bond. I had never and to this day haven’t felt as free as I did that night. The tiny quiet boy’s smile could have lit up a city. It’s etched into my mind. We all left the dance talking about the surreal feeling in the air, as if something had shifted. None of us ever mentioned the dance again. It’s still one of my fondest memories.

- For a solid month, there was someone in a gorilla costume running around campus.

- There was a rash of sexual assaults on campus. A gang of boys kept jumping girls in the woods. The only thing the school board did was give out free rape whistles at lunch one day. I missed that day, making me one of the only students on campus without a whistle. Later that night when I ordered pizza, the delivery guy tried to start up a conversation with me about all the assaults. He blamed the girls. I took back my tip.

- Sometimes the showers just…filled up with black sludge. No one knew why.

- The girls in the room next to me were very bizarre. They always shot me odd looks and whispered to each other constantly. I couldn’t figure out if they were sleeping together or not. They never washed their hands when we were in the bathroom.

- The doors to each dorm were thick and heavy and required effort to push them open. My roommate and I made sure to lock ours every night, and would triple check it. It swung open by itself almost every night. The channels on the tv would change with the remote equidistance away from us. Sometimes I heard humming in the showers when I was the only one in there.

- My roommate…deserves a whole separate post dedicated to her, honestly.

- She would call her mother and have her do her homework for her. She blasted music constantly, and it was either country or hard rap, nothing in between. She sexiled me constantly. I once walked in on anal. She’d meet guys on Tinder, fall in love with them after a couple of days, and then bring them into the school and into our room like it was no big deal. One of them made it clear he was a budding serial killer. She was in a new drama every week. One time someone called her a dilf on Yik Yak. She was firmly convinced her cousin was blonde because her aunt dyed her hair when she was pregnant. She tried her hardest to get me laid by a football player. She was the loudest drunk I’ve ever encountered. Honestly there’s just too much about her for this omfg

- John Zaffis, the famous paranormal researcher, came to the school on my birthday. I went because I’m a loser who’s been watching shows with him since I was a kid, and I was having a bad day so I decided it could be a treat. I sat in the front row. He held an uncomfortable amount of eye contact with me the entire presentation. He was impressed with my questions. He lamented about the fact he’s always cut out of movies or replaced by priests that look like him. He apparently came to the school every year around Halloween to do a ghost tour around the campus for the students. A girl allegedly killed herself in my floor’s bathroom. He apparently always got a lot of activity around the campus. Everyone in the freshman class started wondering if the rumors about the Native American burial ground were true.

- One time in “writing” class the teacher gave us a number and then whatever song came up as that when we put our music on shuffle we had to play for the class. I ended up with “Touch Me” from Spring Awakening. Midway through the song, the teacher from another class came to complain that they could hear everything. My teacher tried to defend that all music has an important message. “Molly, dear, tell her the message in this song!” I looked around the room and at the other teacher. “It’s about sex,” I said quietly. She stormed out of the room while the class started laughing.

- There was this girl that just had the natural ability to make anything boring. I feel bad saying that, because she’s such a sweet girl, and she’s smart, and she’s gorgeous, and she’s talented, but just…every time she says anything, it’s boring. I’m still friends with her on facebook, the talent transcends to writing as well. You could be having a fun, lively conversation and she could say something completely relevant to the point and yet it would still just be boring. It’s a baffling talent, I still don’t understand how she does it.

- There was a boy who’d come into my room. He lusted over my s’mores poptarts. He kept trying to hit the high notes in Broadway songs. He didn’t understand my sense of humor at all, so we both were constantly worried we were offending each other. He cried about Selena Gomez a lot.

- The dining hall only offered horrendous food. I had pasta almost every night because it was the only thing remotely edible. If you wanted good food, you had to go to Late Night, which was between like 10:30 and 1 I think??? They set it up specifically for stoners and people leaving parties. I was frequently the only sober person there. Except for the moths.

- The chief at the pasta place found out I like theater and got like…weirdly passionate about it. He kept telling me about different theater groups in the area and wanted to know if I was in the school musical. He asked me every time I went up for food.

- There was a disproportionate amount of large black birds to trees. It wasn’t hard to figure out why we so rarely saw smaller animals

- When I told my advisor I was thinking about leaving (mostly for financial reasons but also the fake classes were preventing me from getting an education I wanted, you know?), this little old man looked around his office as if checking for people listening in, then put his hand on top of mine, leaned in close, and whispered “Oh, you sweet little girl. Run as fast as you can.”

There’s definitely more but listen. This school was weird and fake and vaguely surreal and off-kilter. I am fully afraid that one day, years from now, I’m going to be driving through the back roads and pass the place where the campus should be, only I won’t find anything there at all, and won’t be able to find any trace of it ever existing. I won’t be able to find any record of it. I won’t be able to find a record of any of the people. Every time I think about this place I just get a weird feeling, like I somehow managed to escape the Twilight Zone but left a part of me behind in the process. Be careful when applying to college, kids.

I Don’t Think Jacob’s Captors Let Him Go By Accident

by reddit user nowwegotcha

Jacob became one popular dude during my sophomore year of high school, two years ago. In the middle of the year, he just showed up. His family had moved him away from their old home, but his reputation somehow got loose in the hallways.

At the age of twelve, Jacob had been kidnapped from his home in the middle of the night. His parents had been apparently drugged by an unknown person, and their son had been stolen. No one even called the police until the parents woke up. No witnesses, fingerprints, ransom notes, nothing.

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Aries:Are you happy with everything you’ve got now? Have you finally come to peace with your past and your demons? Even if we can’t be in each others lives anymore, I am still rooting for you from the sidelines. I will always care. Just know someone out there is so very proud of you.

Taurus: Stop going to everyone who will only destroy and hurt you more. I know it hurts, but pain exists for a reason. I won’t say you could know joy without knowing pain, but the magical moments wouldn’t be so magical without all the backstory. Learn how to accept it and not fight the emotional storm inside of you. It is your biggest strength.

Gemini:Stop trying to kill yourself in the most slow painful ways possible. If you stopped hiding behind excuses you could see what everyone else sees, and the amazement in their eyes when you talk. We all just want you to be okay, even if your okay is hurting. Even if your okay is different than ours. I’m not attacking you, I just want something more for you.

Cancer:If these people can’t handle you, it is not your fault. It doesn't make them a bad person either. It just means they are not your people. Just means you are meant for better and greater things then what they are doing. You will have people who still see majesty in your flaws, just wait. Don’t let these shallows make you drown. There’s a whole ocean out there. You just have to hold out for tide to come in.

Leo: I know there is darkness in this world so massive it feels like it is going to swallow you entirely. That nothing good could ever exist in this horror. But you are a light to so many others and we can see that. Good things can still exist. We can see your smile, even when you don’t have the strength to wear it. The days where we smile again are coming, you just have to hold on with me.

Virgo: Learn to trust your friends. Because they will see your signs of destruction before you will. They will have your back. You just have to listen to them. Even if it hurts. Even if the advice feels like it’ll break you. They are just trying to keep you safe. I know it’s hard to face the truth, but they are your greatest reality check.

Libra: Sometimes running away isn’t a bad thing. Escape isn’t the worst solution. Find a better environment. Find a new home. It may not solve all of your problems, but it should stop the night terrors that keep consuming you. Sometimes something new is the only way to heal. Sometimes distance is the only way to break someones grasp on your soul.

Scorpio: Stop sitting on the sidelines waiting for life to happen. It’s not suppose to be this passive activity. This is not a concert, you are not in the crowd watching it all play out. Jump in head first. Do that thing that terrifies you. Do something. Because you have hands and a soul and heartbeat. You can still change this story, but you have to take the pen.

Sagittarius: Don’t sacrifice your dreams for the sake of practicality. Don’t let yourself have regrets when 5 years down the road you are in way too deep to uproot yourself again. Go for whatever fuels your passion, even if it isn’t the most ‘ideal’ choice. The only thing that really matters is you.

Capricorn: Recovery is a bitch. Unsteady steps will happen all the time. Some days you will fuck up. This is all part of it. Learn to forgive yourself. Learn to at least love something of yourself. If you have to love everything you hate, because at least you know what you hate. At least there is still something there. There’s still a chance.

Aquarius: They did not break you. you are not broken or fragile. You are a fucking tornado. Start acting like it. You are an entire force of nature that they couldn’t even handle. Do not let them control you. Do not let these ghosts sit in your veins. You deserve more.

Pisces: Do not burn those photos. You’ll miss them someday, because some day these moments won’t hurt you anymore. You’ll be able to look back and see them. You will see the smiles and know it was worth it. You’ll look back and not regret it. I promise

—  This Weeks Horoscope
Thirteen Reasons Why - Explained

Thirteen Reasons Why

I’ve seen a lot of posts about Hannah being a ‘drama queen’ or overreacting to small things everyone did so I thought I’d explain a bit about what I understood.

1. Justin - Justin exaggerated what he and Hannah did. While this seems mild, it set Hannah up for a terrible high school career because she earned the reputation of 'slut’. This happens so often in schools and in the adult world and can RUIN someone’s life in a certain, if not all areas.

2. Alex - Alex put Hannah as having the best ass against Jessica as the worst. It is clear that the internet is doing its thing again and not taking time to understand things properly; this was NOT A COMPLIMENT AND HANNAH HAD EVERY RIGHT TO BE ANGRY. It was a clear violation of friendship and an obvious example of men pitting women against each other for their own benefit.

3. Jessica - I’m going more by the book here, but Jessica was on the tapes because she didn’t believe Hannah and abandoned her when she needed her. A clear example of how people can easily be lead by others and girls turning on each other because of guys. Jessica deserved to be on the tapes because she didn’t hear Hannah’s side of the story and instead took her anger out on her first friend at the school.

4. Tyler - I don’t think I need to explain much about this, but he abused his position as a photographer in school to violate boundaries for his own pleasure similar to how a lot of people in a power exploit those below them. He made Hannah feel vulnerable and took the lack of comfort she felt at school to her own bedroom.

5. Courtney - I suppose this is kind of harder to understand. Courtney was a closeted lesbian and therefore it is understandable that she was upset at the thought of her being outed before she was ready, but Hannah confided in her to help her expose someone else and instead she protected herself by further ruining Hannah. This shows the selfishness of those who feel the need to protect themselves by harming others.

6. Marcus - I haven’t seen much on Marcus honestly, but I dislike him immensely. He took advantage of Hannah because of the impression of her he had put together from rumours created by other reasons (Justin, Courtney) which is an expression of how men feel owed something from women, especially those who are seen as 'slutty’.

7. Zach - At first glance, Zach doesn’t seem too bad. At half a second glimpse, this changes. Hannah rejected him because he said something silly, a mistake, and if he had made an obvious effort to explain and apologise, he could have helped Hannah. Instead, he chooses to punish her by preventing her from receiving happiness from others. This is one of the clearest examples of how men can’t handle a woman’s right to say 'no’ and reject him…

8. Ryan - This tape is similar to that of Tyler in that he made her feel unsafe. What Tyler did was worse than Ryan, however the effect of Ryan’s actions had (in my opinion) worse consequences that Tyler’s. Ryan published her poem because he thought it was something that needed to be shared, a selfish and naive action (when considering the maturity of high school students), which meant that Hannah’s personal thoughts were no longer her own. She was not comfortable at school, home or in her own mind.

9. Clay - Though I agree when Hannah states that he shouldn’t have been on the tapes, Clay does represent 'everyone else’ who stands by and watched people like Hannah slowly fade and retreat into themselves because of the actions of others. The 'bystanders’ if you will, whose lack of part in our stories can be just as important as those who intrude on us.

10. Justin - It is evident in the series that Justin was extremely haunted by the rape at Jessica’s party and this is probably why he is gaining so much sympathy… this is also why I recommend you all READ THE BOOK. Justin stood by and watched his friend rape his girlfriend, why is he receiving more sympathy than I’ve seen for Jessica? Of course it was hard for Justin to witness that, but staying friends with Bryce and staying with Jessica without telling her is reason enough for him to be on the tapes again.

11. Jenny - Jenny was kind to Hannah, offering her a lift home, but she didn’t take responsibility for knocking down the stop sign which lead to someone’s DEATH. The guilt that Hannah was left with from this (because she was in the car) was understandably overwhelming, especially as the victim was a classmate who was blamed for drunk driving. Jenny is an example of how our reckless actions and lack of responsibility for them can destroy other lives; is that not the entire plot?

12. Bryce - Lord help you if you need an explaination.

13. Mr Porter - A perfect example of how there is not enough support out there for students (and people in general, honestly). The counsellor advising Hannah to 'move on’ after she confides in him that she was raped is one of the most haunting moments in the entire series, solidifying her reason for suicide- she had no comfort amongst her classmates, in her own home, in her mind and now, the specialist designated for dealing with situations like this bore no real interest in her problems and told her to 'move on’.

It’s extremely important for us when watching shows with topics like this to remember many things.

First, the show is not just this situation. Everything represents something more in society; each tape side is a problem in the world that leads to suicide, not only a small action by one character leading to Hannah Baker’s suicide. If you need help in understanding this, or want something else similar to this story, I recommend watching or reading 'An Inspector Calls’ by J.B. Priestly- a masterful piece tackling classism/sexism and how each person’s seemingly small actions lead to a girl’s suicide.

Second, memes are sometimes funny. The 'Clay every time he sees Tony’ memes are really funny, the 'fuck off, Courtney’ memes are funny, but the 'welcome to your tape over a slight inconvenience’ memes, they’re not. The show is raising awareness for the seriousness of suicide, not to create a fanbase of jokes about it. Promoting these after you watch the show, is a clear statement that you haven’t understood why it was made and is completely unacceptable.

Third, separate the character from the actor. Justin Prentice is NOT Bryce Walker, do not spam his comments with disgusting name calling or threatening- this is CLEARLY wrong and unnecessary. This also works the other way: Brandon Flynn is NOT Justin Foley. Just because Brandon is attractive and nice, doesn’t mean his character becomes as such.

Please don’t turn 13 reasons why into another generic element of pop culture. I love pop culture, don’t get me wrong, but we have a tendency to begin digging for meaning and giving up halfway; overusing the profound starting points of progress we find by loosely throwing them around, emptying them of all meaning.

Inexorable (2)

Plot: How does is feel to be arranged to be married to a cocky, arrogant Mafia leader? Once you look at his face, you think you’re lucky, but then he opens his mouth.

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Angst, (eventual) smut, Mafia au!

Notes: Welp, since so many of you asked for it, here is a part two!! There are two other stories which need a continuation as well, so I might keep requests closed for a while.. Sorry about that. I hope you don’t mind. Feel free to ask me questions, though! Ya’ll are so nice to me! 2,053 Words

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 (FINAL)

The ride to the vacation home wasn’t as bad as you thought it would be. Your husband actually gave you the space you needed. There were brief glares exchanged between the two of you, a whole lot of drinking, and forced slumber – it was a 3 hour ride, after all. 

When the both of you had finally reached, the luggage was taken out by the bodyguards who had come along, and brought to your huge master bedroom. It was twice the size of your father’s office – if not, bigger – the bed was king-sized, and adorned with silk sheets. The walk-in wardrobe was already stacked with clothes for both sexes, making you wonder why you had even brought luggage in the first place.

“Too small, honestly,” Jungkook commented, plopping down on the couch by the fireplace. “My room is bigger than this.”

There he was, ruining the moment again. It was a good thing you were too exhausted to fight with him; but that didn’t mask over the fact that you still wanted to knock him out.

“Brat..” 

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Basically, This is Basically What Every Dr. Phil Episode is Basically Like Basically
  • Dr. Phil: Hello, I am Doctor Philip, and today we'll be tackling an issue that is very widespread, but rarely spoken about. Gaming addiction. Now, I know many of you know at least one person in your life who plays video games, whether that be a child or, in some cases, a spouse.
  • Audience: *laughs*
  • Dr. Phil: But, when unregulated, gaming can lead to serious addiction. Today I have with me a mother who's home life has been torn apart as her very own son descended into gaming addiction.
  • Mother: *sniffing and wiping tears away* Hello, doctor. Will you cure my son?
  • Dr. Phil: Well, dear, that's... uhh. Let's just bring the boy out already.
  • *dramatic music plays*
  • Gamer: My name is Gregg, I'm 19 years old, I'm a gaming addict, and I don't give a f*ck.
  • Audience: *gasps*
  • Gamer: Yeah, I game for 19 to 20 hours a day and the other four hours I use for looking up sick gaming strats or beating it to anime porn. I once sucked off a dude because he offered me minecraft diamonds. I don't give a sh*t, I would've sucked him off even if he didn't have the diamonds.
  • Audience: *gasps louder*
  • Gamer: Do I hate women? Yes, I hate women. I've emailed Anita Sarkeesian my address. She knows where I am if she wants to fight me. Feminists, square the fuck up. People always ask why I don't do anything other than gaming. I ask them why don't they mind their own f*cking business. I don't think I have a problem. Dr. Phil can honestly eat my whole an*s.
  • Gamer: *walks out onto the stage*
  • Audience: *boos*
  • Gamer: F*ck all y'all! I don't give a f*ck! *flips off the audience*
  • Dr. Phil: Please take a seat, son.
  • Gamer: *sits very disrespectfully*
  • Mother: *starts bawling*
  • Dr. Phil: Son, do you think that was acceptable behavior?
  • Gamer: The only behavior I care about is the behavioral patterns for enemies in the S.T.A.L.K.E.R. series. I love video games: Master chief, Mario, uhm, Blinx the Cat... Blasto. Love those guys!
  • Audience: *boos*
  • Gamer: I don't care! You think I care! F*ck all y'all!
  • Dr. Phil: All these people are booing you, doesn't that make you feel bad?
  • Gamer: Are you deaf? Have I not articulated the fact that I absolutely 100% do not care about anything except for video games? I. DON'T. GIVE. A. F*CK.
  • Mother: He's always like this, there's no changing him. It didn't used to be this way... just *starts bawling harder*
  • Dr. Phil: I think there is a way to change him, and we'll find out more about that after these messages.
  • *Dr. Phil theme plays*
  • *The lights dim and every goes empty eyed and slack-jawed*
  • Gamer: Heh, this is weird. *nudges mom and whispers to her* Hey, we're getting paid for this, right. Hey, mom? ...Mom?
  • Mother: *completely unresponsive*
  • Dr. Phil: *completely unresponsive*
  • Audience: *completely unresponsive*
  • Gamer: Heh... this is REALLY weird. *looks around nervously*
  • Audience member: Hey!
  • Gamer: Huh?
  • Audience Member: I'm in the audience! Over here! My arms are strapped to the chair! You have to help me!
  • Gamer: *runs to the audience member*
  • Audience Member: Thank god, I thought I was the only one here left with any brains.
  • Gamer: *hastily undoing the straps* What the fuck is going on?
  • Audience Member: I don't know, but this definitely isn't Dr. Phil's show.
  • Gamer: Then what is it?
  • Audience Member: No clue, but we have to get out of here before the commercial breaks ends.
  • Gamer: *successfully undoes the straps*
  • Audience Member: C'mon! Let's go. *grabs the gamer by the arm*
  • Gamer: *resists* Wait a fucking minute. Why am I supposed to trust you?
  • Audience Member: Because I'm normal and everyone else is braindead if you haven't noticed.
  • Gamer: Yeah, but I'm not going anywhere until I know what's going on. Being on Dr. Phil is a huge opportunity for me to, y'know, advertise my brand. I'm a gamer if you haven't noticed.
  • Audience Member: Are you insane? Have you had a look around you? Does this anything happening right now seem normal to you? Who cares about your "brand". Do you even remember how you got here?
  • Gamer: Well... now that you mention, I can't really remember exactly.
  • Audience Member: Yeah, now let's get the fuck out of here.
  • *the gamer and audience member run through the back exit into the hallways*
  • *the Dr. Phil theme blares as the show returns from commercial break*
  • Gamer: My ears!
  • Audience Member: Move it! *jerks gamer's arm*
  • Gamer: Okay, calm down.
  • *the entire audience screams in unison*
  • Gamer: What the fuck is that!?
  • Audience Member: It's the reason we're running! Quick, in here!
  • *the duo duck into a cramped broom closest*
  • Gamer: Listen, you have to tell me what the fuck is going on right now!
  • Audience Member: Shh.
  • Gamer: Don't shush me!
  • Audience Member: *covers the gamer's mouth*
  • *agonized screaming and violently rumbling passes by the broom closest*
  • Gamer: Holy shit!
  • Audience Member: Stop yelling.
  • Gamer: How can I not yell when it sounds the gates of hell just passed by us!
  • Audience Member: You want it to turn back around and find us?
  • Gamer: Alright. I'll calm down... I'll. *start sobbing*
  • Audience Member: Please, please stop crying. You're too loud.
  • Gamer: I can't! I'm under a lot of stress!
  • Audience Member: You'll be dead if you don't shut the fuck.
  • Gamer: I never wanted any of this, I just wanted to go on Dr. Phil so people would recognize me on YouTube and I could become a popular Let's Player!
  • Audience Member: If you don't shut up right now, I'll-
  • *a snake bites the audience member's neck*
  • Audience Member: *eyes roll up*
  • Gamer: *screams like a baby*
  • *snakes slither under the closet door*
  • Gamer: *stumbles out of the closet and falls into hallway covered with snakes* Fuck me! Fuck me!
  • Gamer: *attempts to run away but falls beneath the snakes and into and empty void*
  • *agonized screaming echoes from all around*
  • Gamer: Am I in hell? I have to be in hell. You don't fall through a pool of snakes and wind up anywhere else but hell.
  • Dr. Phil: THERE IS NO HELL.
  • Gamer: Doc, is that you? If this isn't hell then where am I?
  • Dr. Phil: YOU'RE IN MY REALM SON. *Dr. Phil's face appears glowing in the distance, his eyes are empty sockets and his mouth hangs open*
  • Gamer: What the fuck are you?
  • Dr. Phil: I'M DOCTOR PHILIP.
  • Gamer: You're not Dr. Phil!
  • Dr. Phil: I NEVER SAID I WAS, SON. *a wall of gray human bodies lights up surrounding Dr. Phil's massive head, dr. phil's giant snake body slithers towards the gamer and opens its third eye* I'M DOCTOR PHILIP.
  • *the wall of bodies screams in unison as Dr. Phil devours the gamer*
  • *Dr. Phil theme plays loudly*
  • Dr. Phil: THE NEXT EPISODE IS STARTING. I'M LATE. *slithers into the wall of bodies and his snake body slowly transforms into a normal Dr. Phil's body*
  • Dr. Phil: *crawls onto the stage*
  • Dr. Phil: *dusts himself off* Woo, I went on quite an adventure.
  • Audience: *laughs*
  • Dr. Phil: I'm glad we can all find some time in our lives to laugh, but today's episode is covering something that is most certainly not a laughing matter. It's one of the most serious addictions striking America today and it's rarely talked about. I'm talking about people who love to pee on their mattresses and then pay people exorbitant amounts of money to suck their disgusting mattresses clean.
  • Audience: ... *someone clears their throat*
  • Dr. Phil: What's the matter?
  • Cameraguy: Spsss, Doc. That's not what the episode is about. It's about people with terrible gambling issues.
  • Dr. Phil: Oh, ah, fuck! Cut to commercial!

The King of Hawkins Goes Soft

Summary: The reader helps chaperone the winter formal, which leads to a very eventful night involving the King of Hawkins. 

Word Count: 2648

Song Pairing: Talking in your Sleep- the romantics https://youtu.be/PtxiZItyYh8

authors note: kinda spoilers for season two? This also doesn’t 100% follow the plot! I had SO much fun writing this!! Let me know what you think!! (single mom Steve is the best Steve)


You smiled to yourself watching the event unfold. Steve was giving some version of a pep talk to Dustin before the winter formal, and you laughed as you saw the deal sealed with a handshake.

Dustin walked by you with a huge grin, “Hey (y/n)!”. He saluted you, and you saluted back matching his grin. You winked, “Good luck tonight soldier”.

By now Steve had parked his car, and was resting against the hood. You walked over to him, “What are you doing here? Hate to break it to ya but you’re a little too old-”.

Steve crossed his arms over his chest, laughing while shaking his head. He smiled, “I gotta keep an eye on the little shits”.

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Kim Minseok//At Odds

Summary: You don’t think your soulmark will complete itself on the same day that it comes to be on your skin, yet it happens - and who’s on the other end, a matching tattoo adorned on their skin? Only Kim Minseok, a man who could not be any more different to you.
Scenario: soulmate!AU
Word Count: 6,584

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My Puppy | 1

Originally posted by rapnamu

CHAPTER ONE

Chapters: [1] [2] [3]

Pairing: Taehyung X Reader-First Person View

Genre & Warnings: SMUT, fluff, pet play. 

Word Count: 4,406

NOTE: Pure Filth. Turn back now if you don’t want to see. Turning Tae Tae into my Fuck Puppy (Thanks, Anon). Soft femdom. Let me tell you, it was an EXPERIENCE writing this, and I am still not entirely pleased with it. Mostly because I’m never happy with my own smut writing. I had to do so much research, so Google probably thinks I’m freaky naughty af. Which I suppose I am considering I wrote this lol. So, for those that are hardcore into this and believe I didn’t portray it well enough, I’m sorry, I tried. And I learned quite a bit about myself, like the fact that if I ever get my hands on someone like Tae, I am so going to try this. Now enjoy, and excuse me as I go drench myself in holy water to cleanse myself of sin. 


“You know, I hate the winter. It reminds me of your cold heart.”

My now ex-boyfriend mutters this line, looking into the snowy sky. He sighs loudly and saunters off, without looking back. What a fucking drama queen. I can’t help but snort as I watch him disappear into the light snowfall, and wonder what movie he got that line from.

Cold heart.

I don’t have a cold heart. He was just a damn bore. He never wanted to do anything but watch movies and freaked out if I suggested anything besides missionary. I’ve been thinking about breaking up with him for weeks now but was putting it off because I knew he’d cry. This saved me all the hassle.

Note to self: Don’t date actors.

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This is what “balancing the Force” looks like:

I wrote a 25-page paper on Star Wars arguing that “bringing balance to the Force” didn’t mean “the Jedi will be 100% in control” (and of course not the opposite) but bringing the two aspects of the Force into alignment, using Anakin as a case study. Brief recap of my paper:

  • EPISODE I
    • The Jedi literally don’t know that slavery still exists in the galaxy and are shocked when Shmi says “The Republic doesn’t exist out here… We must survive on our own.” So like… the fuck.
    • Anakin asks Qui-Gon “Have you come to free us?” and Qui-Gon says “No, I’m afraid not,” to which Anakin replies, “Why else would you be here?” Here we can see the innocence and goodness in Anakin juxtaposed against the moral ambiguity of the Jedi. They’re there for repairs on their ship - nothing more, nothing less. Witnessing slavery does nothing to change those priorities.
    • The Jedi take a child away from his mother, and when Anakin is (rightfully) scared for his mom, who has been left in slavery, the Jedi are still like well, you know, ¯\_(ツ)_/¯, enforcing the laws against slavery seems kinda like a lot of work so we’re just not gonna get involved. That’s like… not quite what you would expect from the “Light” Side.
    • Anakin is literally a child whose mother has been left in slavery and, understandably, he’s kind of freaked out. Instead of acknowledging Anakin’s pain as legitimate and working with him, the Jedi take an oppositional stance, telling Anakin that “Fear is the path to the dark side” - a phrase that was much more apt in the Original Trilogy than it is here, where Anakin is only nine, and his fears are 100% rational.
  • EPISODE II
    • Obi-Wan asks Anakin if he’s sleeping poorly because of his mom, Anakin basically admits yes, and Obi-Wan says “Dreams pass in time.” Uh, Obi-Wan, I’m sure you have good intentions and all, but the problem isn’t in the dream world. Anakin’s dreams are a reflection of the actual, legitimate, very real danger his mother is in, and Obi-Wan’s response only dismisses Anakin’s fear and drives him further away from the Jedi Council. And, again, the Jedi could have fixed this entire situation by either rescuing his mother or actually trying to stop slavery instead of just paying lip service to the idea.
    • Anakin and Padmé fall in love, and Padmé is like “yo is this, like, allowed to happen for you??” and Anakin says “Attachment is forbidden. Possession is forbidden. Compassion, which I would define as unconditional love, is central to a Jedi’s life, so you might say we’re encouraged to love.” So… Taking a woman’s child so he can fulfill their prophecy and leaving that woman alone and enslaved on a desert planet is compassionate behavior now? Right. Sounds fake, but okay. Also, Anakin is literally pointing out the hypocrisy in that statement - so you can love humanity and people, but you can’t love a person? That’s super weird.
      • Falling in love is like… not really something you can help? Especially not the first time. Just, you know, speaking as the classic lesbian who has fallen for a straight best friend… just saying “don’t do that” is not really going to help. At all.
    • At this point, the Jedi have created a situation where if Anakin falls in love (as he is wont to do as a literal teenager who was not brought up in the Jedi Order of his own volition), he has to keep that love secret or a) risk expulsion from the Jedi and b) prove them “right” that he can’t be trusted. Which, you know, nobody wants to do.
    • Padmé tells him that he “had a nightmare again last night,” and Anakin says, “Jedi don’t have nightmares.” Yo, what the fuck. This kid is a teenager, his mom is on a desert planet and enslaved, and now he feels like he’s not even allowed to have nightmares? Which are not conscious? I get that the Jedi are supposed to have total control over themselves, but first of all, that’s a completely unrealistic expectation to have of anyone, much less a teenager, and second of all, that’s a real fucked up thing to imply on a mental health level. “You’re guilty, even for the pain that your brain is inflicting on you from childhood trauma in situations (i.e., unconsciousness) that you can’t even control!” Yeah, no. There is no way that could possibly go well. 
      • If Anakin is made to feel guilty for being scared or having nightmares or missing his mom from whom he was taken when he was not even ten years old, and Jedi are pointing to those feelings as evidence that he is dangerous and untrustworthy, he is put in a situation where he cannot admit that he needs help and therefore cannot access help. Like, just get the kid a shrink! And maybe rescue his mom! There are ways to address this and help Anakin stop having feelings, if that’s something we really have to do, without shaming him, which is gross and also distinctly unhelpful.
    • Anakin goes back to Tatooine to find his mom, she’s been kidnapped and tortured by Tusken Raiders, she dies in his arms, and he slaughters the Tuskens and vows to become so powerful he will be able to stop people from dying. Which, like, is not ideal - not condoning murder - but he’s also seen his mother for the first time in years, like at least half a decade, and he is a) completely overrun with survivor’s guilt and b) rightfully grieving and c) also rightfully pissed the fuck off that he finally sees him mom again only to have her die in his arms. Like, I’d be pissed, too. And you know what helps with grief? Talking it out!! Therapy!! Friendship!! You know what Anakin doesn’t have? Literally any of those things. He can’t admit that he’s grieving his mom because it would threaten his place in the Jedi Order. The Order’s strictness continues to place him in a catch-22 where admitting he needs help is already condemning him.
  • EPISODE III
    • Anakin beats Count Dooku in part because he is furious that Palpatine has been “captured” and taps into the Dark Side with that emotion. THEN, Padmé’s like “surprise, I’m pregnant,” and Anakin (again, understandably) flips the fuck out. He has nightmares about her dying in childbirth, and guess who he can’t go to for advice or help or even consolation? The Jedi!! Wow, this is going so well for everyone, what great policies we have here.
    • The Jedi Council want Anakin to spy on Palpatine, and Anakin (correctly) points out to Obi-Wan that this goes against the Jedi Code, against the Republic, and asks why Obi-Wan is asking this of him… to which Obi-Wan replies, “The Council is asking you.” So, you know, this doesn’t exactly endear Anakin to the Council, who have already been pretty shitty to him and are now seemingly hypocritical as well.
    • Palpatine says to Anakin, “Be careful of the Jedi, Anakin. They fear you. In time they will destroy you.” and yeah, he’s playing on Anakin’s confusion and suspicions and totally using him as a pawn here, but he’s also right. The Jedi have proven themselves to not have Anakin’s best interests at heart, even if they have good intentions. And they do fear Anakin, so, you know, that whole “non-attachment prevents fear” thing isn’t really working out for them either.
    • Palpatine tells Anakin that the Dark Side can allow you to control death, and Anakin (who, let’s remind ourselves, has watched his mother die in his arms) begs to know how so he can save Padmé should his nightmares come true and she die in childbirth. And, again, since he can’t go to the Jedi for any help with this, he feels he has no choice but to trust Palpatine.
    • Here we get to a real fun sequence of events. Palpatine tells Anakin he’s a Sith. Anakin threatens to kill Palpatine, but doesn’t, so he can maintain the possibility of learning how to save Padmé. He goes to tell the Jedi, who rush into action and don’t allow him to join them because they think his fear will cloud his judgment, ignoring the fact that a) they’re scared out of their asses too, and b) he literally just betrayed someone close to him??? for people who have really been nothing but shitty??? So I feel like Anakin’s doing surprisingly well rn and the Jedi are basically like, “Yeah, great, but also fuck you and stay here.”
    • Soooooooo, Anakin goes to save Palpatine (again, to then save his wife), and in order to save him he kills a Jedi. At this point, Anakin’s like “I’m completely fucked,” which is true (although he’s been fucked from the beginning because the Jedi suck), and he pledges himself to Palpatine because he doesn’t think he has any other option.
    • Okay, then he goes and murders a bunch of kids, so like. That’s not great. Not gonna condone that. This was A Mistake™. I think we can all agree on that. Moving on.
    • Obi-Wan and Yoda see footage of Anakin’s fun murder time and Obi-Wan goes to try to find and defeat Anakin. In order to find him, he tells Padmé what happened and then hides away on her ship.
    • Padmé talks to Anakin, flips out when she realizes Obi-Wan was telling the truth, and as she tries to talk Anakin down from his panic- and grief-fueled descent into insanity he says, “I won’t lose you the way I lost my mother! I’ve become more powerful than any Jedi has ever dreamed of and I’ve done it for you. To protect you.”
      • Side note, at this point I get annoyed because, like, Anakin, she literally Did Not Ask. Buddy, pal, friend, she specifically told you not to do this. I know your heart is in the right place, but like, this really could have all been prevented if you’d just listened to your wife. Why are the women in Star Wars consistently the only people who know what the fuck is going on?
    • Obi-Wan reveals himself, Anakin thinks Padmé betrayed him, and Force-chokes her. So, like, again, the anger is understandable, the Force-choking is not. Not going to defend that.
    • As Obi-Wan and Anakin fight, Anakin says something extremely telling: “From my point of view, the Jedi are evil.” He isn’t lying. He isn’t even exaggerating. The Jedi have fucked him over at every turn. And the point that is being made here is that Anakin descends into madness because he, like the Jedi, lives at moral extremities. He goes mad and gives himself over to the Dark Side because the Jedi have thoroughly erased any possibility of a middle ground. 
      • The utter distrust that the Jedi Council have of “Gray Jedi” and the fact that “Gray Jedi” means both people who walk the middle ground of the Force and people who don’t answer to the authority of the Jedi Council also point to this. We can see this with Jolee Bindo and Qui-Gon, among others. If you walk the middle line, the Jedi will turn their backs on you. (Pro tip: if nobody is allowed to disagree with you, you’re probably not the good guys.)
    • Aaaaaaaaand finally the whole fight ends and Anakin becomes a weird lava-deformed creature of the night and when he finally wakes up and asks Palpatine if Padmé is okay, Palpatine says, “It seems in your anger, you killed her.” So, Anakin at this point a) is consumed with self-hatred, b) has nothing to live for because all of his loved ones either hate him (Obi-Wan) or are dead (Padmé, theoretically), and c) feels like he has no way out of the horrifying mess he’s put himself in. And here the prequels end.

What I’m trying to say here is that the Jedi aren’t perfect, and they don’t always use the Force for good. (See: “slavery is cool, we guess.”) Their emphasis on shutting out your emotions is ultimately what drives Anakin to the Dark Side because they allow no room for mistakes and therefore erase the possibility of Anakin ever getting help. Or, you know, compassion, which is supposed to be the Jedi version of love. So… The Sith suck. But the Jedi also suck. Not as much, for sure, but they are definitely guilty of some real fucked up things.

Now for the fun part!!!!! Rey, in Ep. VII, wins her battle against Kylo when she gets pissed. You can also see in that scene that when he’s overpowering her, you can see both the red and blue light reflected in her eyes, and when she closes her eyes and thinks “use the Force” and opens her eyes again, you only see the red.

What that piece said to me, and what this trailer and the poster say to me, is that “balancing the Force” means recognizing that emotions are not evil unto themselves, that you can love people and use that love to fuel goodness. Rey has the potential to balance the Force because she has already proven that she can harness emotion, be driven by emotion, and still use that for the Light Side.

Anyway, I fucking love Star Wars, meta is great, Rey can kick my ass any day, and if I’m right and these trailers are backing up my theory I am literally going to lose my mind.

Blurred Lines (Smut)

MASTERLIST

A/N: Celebrating Shawn’s birthday. Feedback is always lovely. 

Word count: 4,518

Originally posted by thinkinboutmendes


Shawn and I had been living together for a little over four months now. Since Shawn agreed to letting me crash for a week while looking for something new after being kicked out of my dorm, things we didn’t count on happened between us and suddenly, we were practically roommates and enjoyed each other’s company for hours a day. 

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black magic [m]

credit: x.

❛❛im one of the brightest witches at this prestigious magic academy and ur a human who somehow got admitted and everyone knows u dont ACTUALLY have magic but cant prove it so they hate u for it but i actually like you??? and have a crush on u??????? our paths have just never crossed until ur class blew up n somehow we became class partners and– hold on what do you mean we fucked up this spell so we wanna fuck each other’s brains out??❜❜ AU

COUNT → 18.430

GENRE → smut 

PAIRING → taehyung | reader

WARNINGS → dom and sub tones | mild cum play | explicit language | female masturbation (male if you squint) | oral sex | penetration | graphic dirty talk

NOTE → this was requested and inspired by @blueagust!!!!!! the idea went thru several stages and yelling over kkt but this is the final product :-D im sorry mom


You hated everyone at this fucking academy.

It wasn’t just that they always smelled like unicorn turds—and that wasn’t a compliment because unicorns had the nastiest smelling shit in the entire universe—but they were so arrogant and had this fucking superiority complex when it came to humans. You were sure if they actually lived with them and in human society instead of hidden away at some prestigious academy they wouldn’t pull this bullshit in the first place, but they still despised them.

Or maybe it was just one human they despised in particular.

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More KatsuDeku Thoughts/Ramblings

The other day I was seeing a lot of people complaining about hate in both the ‘Katsudeku’ and ‘Bakudeku’ tags, but to be honest, I didn’t see it. I suppose I must have the right people blocked.

But, it did get me thinking about things that people love to bring up when discussing the “p r o b l e m a t i c” elements of this ship. Two big ones in particular come to mind.

One has already been discussed to death, and I hope to jeezus I never have to talk about it myself. Yes, Bakugo told Deku to jump off a building. It’s horrible and despicable and I would never defend such awful behavior. It was simple shorthand for Horikoshi to establish Bakugo as an unremorseful jerk. Congrats, dude. It worked.

The second thing, however, is something I could talk about at length.

So I will.

Let’s talk about THIS.

Warning: this is a goddamn long post. Pour yourself a drink.

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how to accurately write texting convos in voltron fanfic

because none of you understand teenagers apparently and im tired of reading full grammatically correct sentences with minimal spelling errors and no keysmashing. they’re all gay and you’re not doing it right. this is a helpful guide for you writers so pay attention. also based on a convo i had with @baeyards so i don’t take all the credit. all of this was thoroughly researched by gay dumbass teenagers so i can confirm they are correct.

  • lance: lots of keysmashing. smashes that mf caps lock for almost any occasion. spilled coffee and needs to tell the group chat about it? CAPS LOCK BECAUSE HE’S SCREAMING A LOT. the kid in math class smiled at him today? FUCK THATS GAY LADS GOTTA YELL ABOUT IT. bored in class? PWEASE ENTERTAIN ME. lots of exclamation points about everything because this is how it is on this bitch of an earth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! disjointed sentences broken up every few lines. uses uwu and owo a lot unironically. the other people in the group chat hate when he types wike this becwuase its so annowying to rwead but thats just how it be sometwimes. sometimes enters in a word at a time
    FOR     
    EXTRA   
    EMPHASIS. on the verge of chat spam. favors the left side of the keyboard so most keysmashes look like: lkllgfkf; lkf;foipro;htkr ;tlkhfLDKLKGF PIOKHR;LTH;FLH;L GH;GLHLG;LKFG. 

  • pidge: lots of ellipses……………its for mystery…….intrigue……….whats she gonna say next………….often leaves the others on read……….hm…………..adds /s on the end of most of her sentences because she sympathizes with other people in the chat who have a hard time reading sarcastic stuff………….only keysmashes when she’s appalled by something…….like that one bad photoshop image of vlad putin with giant tiddies that hunk posts to the group chat………..with no context………….and she replies with “what htj heu ffuckfkddklfkfwlkhagshhdnfnfd plesse whaht”

  • keith: randomly Capitalized words. pidge thought Maybe they were supposed to be more Important but really it’s Because he’s too lazy to retype the word after his phone capitalizes it. hasn’t turned off the adaptive speech predictor app either so after he spells something wrong his phone auto corrects to the mispelled word all the time. for example shiro’s name is always corrected to SHURRO in all caps and keith accepts that’s just his brother’s name now. or it throws in the word Bermuda in the middle of a sentence for absolutely no reason. sometimes his texts require A decoder to decrypt. 

  • hunk: every possible auto correct turned off. no retyping. no going back to fix mistakes. the backspace button is never used. we accept incorrectly spelled sentences and die like men in this house. no caps on anything. words are often grouped together by accident because he forgot to hit the space and he was typing too fast. only gays can read his texts, they are incomprehensible to cishet eyes. you will understsntd his textt and if yuudont thetn fuck your basard. when he keysmashes he goes absolutely fuckin hog wild. SJEWMWEJFWJEWJWEMEKWJFWKJFWE WE MWEKWFJWFWJ KWWEFMWKFWFKWFLWK39ri2rj23jr209r092o2r k23rk2p3r239r23 k23rk;2kr2r023i2r Wv OWOQQOWKWWLQWQWLEWKLWE KWLLW LQ2r293ri2r KWEKFKEKWrwro23ro2rwflekslejflkjsfjkew yeah 

  • shiro: Types with caps at the beginning of sentences but then nothing else that should be capitalized is capitalized. Long sentences because he takes a while to type out his thoughts. Doesn’t keysmash because when he tries his phone autocorrects his keysmashes to stuff like “the priest went Martha over in Backsticks” and he stopped trying because it was so confusing for everyone else. Will retype an entire sentence if he spells one word wrong at the beginning. Always forgets to open the group chat unless somebody tells him in person to open the group chat and he enters the middle of the conversation bewildered and usually right after somebody’s said something like “hairy toes…good for stroking…bad for sucking” and he says “Okay” and closes the app.

  • allura: lots of keysmashes except not long strings of inarticulate clumps like lance does. they’re more like short key smashes at the end of a sentence like oh really nmnsjhmsns ok nsdfjkhsjshsdj and capitalizes names because she has everyone’s contacts in her phone as their Full Correct name for organization. lance’s contact list is a winding endless maze of confusion. everyone is named stuff like “dumbass bitch on line 1″ and “called me a chad” and “invalid toe sucker” and all their contact photos are grainy zoomed in portraits. allura never touches caps lock. too much emotion. the energy is there but its being channeled in such an aggressive way. better to express it through wholesome memes. 

  • coran: Doesn’t own a phone. what’s snapchat. last time he touched a smart phone it crumbled under his hands and made a sad computer dial-up noise like when aol was still a thing before exploding in a burst of violent flames. he bought lance a brand new phone after that. 

also

  • lotor: Hello There, My Friends. How goes about your business on this lovely day of the year?
  • hunk: how do i kcik you from here
  • pidge: whomst even invited you…………………
  • lance: greasy incel bitch returns!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! begone 
  • lotor: I’mmmm,,mm Ssorryyy???/,,,,, I wwas,,t,,, jsutt,,, tryingnnn,, ,to beee  ncicee,,,,  ‘ m ss osoosrry,,,I m sSo sorr,y,,,,,,l;l,,,,I justt,,,,I’m having a panci,g,,, a attackkk rightn oww,,,,,,I mm sorru,,,,,,I guesss,,,, I ‘ll leave,e,,,,
  • allura: lmao bye
Say It Again

Steve Rogers X Reader
“Oh?  Do you get off thinking of everyone else that’s pissed you off?  Or is it just me?” Steve stood up, walking closer until my back hit the wall.
@mentalfictionleftmyassbehind
@itstartswithhelloo
A/N:This is straight up porn and I’m not sorry in the slightest! 18+ only!

Originally posted by cevansnews


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anonymous asked:

86 and andreil??

86: “Perhaps you’ll take me out one day — or do I have to make an appointment?” (I combined this with a prompt from foxpaws10 from ages ago based on this post, and I kind of warped both of your prompts i hope this is still okaaay basically it’s doctor andrew and that’s all u need to know)

His morning is a string of disasters that begins with covering the ER in the Sunday rush of hypochondriac elderly and fussy children. It’s one long stretch of kicked over paint buckets, a mess you can’t ignore, splattering the walls and getting on his shoes.

Andrew chose surgery almost entirely for the distance of it, the sterility of a room with a slab of meat, a tray of knives, and a sickness he can actually cut out.

He’s a doctor because he can be, and patients sometimes like that he doesn’t speak a word to them, like silence equals genius.

He likes that there are some patients that come into the ER unconscious and leave the OR unconscious, and all he has is a problem and a ticking clock. He always solves the problem. He thinks maybe it’s because he is one.

The sinking ship of his Sunday in the emergency room goes from slippery to debilitating with one patient.

Two showy ER doctors with their lab coats off and their sleeves rolled up go into the private room they’ve cordoned off, and they both come out looking pinched in the face with their stethoscopes clenched in their fists.

“He’s a fucking disaster,” one of them says, leaning up against the information desk with his eyes still pulling back to the closed door of the room.

“I know. I thought, I dunno. That the news was exaggerating.”

Andrew tilts his head and listens without making any move to leave his post, filling out inane charts as illegibly as he can.

One of the residents chances a look at him and Andrew makes a point of catching him. The guy startles, then juts his chin.

“Maybe you’ll get along with him, Minyard. He’s as crazy as you.”

“You’ve mistaken the hospital for a playground,” Andrew says mildly. “Give me his chart.”

“What?”

“His chart.”

He looks at his friend, mouth slack, and then the one holding the chart holds it out like a dirty rag.

“He’s Boston’s starting striker,” he stage whispers. Andrew takes the clipboard and ignores him, scanning the details. “We’re not supposed to let any patients know.”

“That Neil Josten is causing a scene ten feet away from them?” he says, and the men titter uncomfortably. “Why should he get the luxury of privacy?”

“How did you—“

“The news is available to everyone, Bryant, you fuck.” He rounds the desk and makes for the closed and shuttered room, dropping the chart in the receptacle outside.

“He shouldn’t be allowed to practice,” someone says behind him, and then someone else, softer, scornful: “surgeons”.

Andrew wrings the door knob and finds himself abruptly face to face with the singular most swollen person he’s ever seen. He’s obviously bolting for it, his gown gaping at the neck and someone’s stolen shoes jammed on. Andrew scans the defiant face, the shock of red hair, the near invisible trail of blood from an incorrectly removed IV.

“Sit down.”

“No.”

Andrew watches Neil Josten— and it is him, one of the handful of strikers on Boston’s team and certainly the most newsworthy — size him up. His eyes run the same circuit Andrew’s would if he were looking to fight his way out: door, threat, surreptitiously behind him for a weapon, back again.

“I’ll drug you,” Andrew says simply. Neil’s good eye, the one that isn’t purpling, goes narrow.

“Are you allowed to say that?”

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Fire (Bucky Barnes x Reader) Request! 🙌🏽

A/N: Hey y'all! This was sent in by the lovely anon who requested some hardcore angry sex. I kinda changed it up a lil bit because the original one i wrote I lost cuz I didn’t save it and I couldn’t get on tumblr to re look at the request! 😭 but I hope you like it! ENJOY! - Delilah ❤ 

Request: “I’m begging you, full out on my knees, to make a smutty bucky one-shot that is just total hate sex. Like him and the reader just dont get along, she thinks hes too brooding and a total try hard, and he thinks shes a pampered bitch. and then one night when theyre fighting just BAM! hate sex but then they realize they actually like each other but none of them will admit it ;)) (there can be a part two, if you want, maybe,) I love your writing.”

Warnings: Extremely NSFW. Rough sex. Choking. Swearing. Angst. Hate sex. M/F.

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