as another perspective on queer sexual openness in gaming spaces (and this is not really a counterpoint but an additional wrinkle): it can actually be pretty demoralizing to try and work out your identity within hyper-sexualized spaces if that’s not what you’re personally tuned for
so as vital as it is for queer women/NBs to have countercultural spaces to be openly sexual, it is similarly important for queer women/NBs to have spaces available that aren’t hypersexualized (especially when you have older/younger people intermingling in those spaces). this isn’t a zero-sum thing, both are great and needed. distinguishing between public/private and setting fair boundaries is how I think you get there
when you add co-option by cishet dudes and the publications they run entering the mix, and suddenly “im going to fuck that” goes from a private joke to the defining mode of progressive games culture, I think you see queer women/NBs land on a few distinct positions
- “Well, this is the kind of thing we collectively need to be able to express”
- “It’s messed up that cishet dudes get to bite our style while being more boldly horny than we’re allowed to”
- “It feels stifling when the entire community is this pervasively and publicly sexualized all the time”
and I’ll be upfront that as everyone who knows me can probably tell, hi, hello, I’m in the third camp. I’m pretty private about my sexuality, and I can be known to vent about culturally-ingrained Horny to the point where I can come off as super sex-negative (I’m really not, I swear). but I don’t see myself as existing in opposition to the other camps; we’ve just gotta… delineate our spaces right, I guess?
and I mean, the cis dudes probably aren’t gonna do it