Nothing brightens up your day like stopping in the middle of your daily routine to contemplate life’s mysteries and the pointlessness of your own existence. The universe poses many impossible questions and it’s imperative that you answer these questions instead of writing. Why do you even exist? Where did you come from? Where are you going? Where did you come from, Cotton-Eye Joe?
2. BINGE-WATCH TWENTY SHOWS ON NETFLIX
It’s okay. It’s “research”. How else can you justify sitting through WWII In Colour until 2 in the morning? Or better yet, pick a show with a million seasons. Preferably one from the 90s. FRIENDS, The X-Files, & Buffy are all good choices. Be sure to cry copiously during the season finales and give yourself a week long break from writing to recover emotionally.
3. START A BLOG
Why write your story when you can write about writing your story? Complaining on the internet to complete strangers about your creative failures is an age-old tradition. Even Hemingway did it! Give out crappy writing advice, rant about your characters’ personal lives, or just whine about your day job and hope your boss never finds your blog.
4. TWEAK YOUR OUTLINE
This novel is going to be perfect, goddammit! And you can’t get perfection from an imperfect outline. Sure, it’s been months since you last looked at the thing but now is the perfect time to tweak all the scenes and create meticulous interviews for every single tertiary character mentioned in your book. Even if you consider yourself a stubborn pantser, you won’t be able to resist the temptation of creating multi-page detailed outlines you’ll probably never use again!
Tweak your outline until it’s absolutely perfect. Tweak your outline until your story morphs into something totally unrecognizable and you find the real story hiding within. And if you’ve ever felt like your novel is missing something special, now is the time to add that convoluted subplot involving half-baked conspiracy theories, Trump’s duck fluff, and your high school English teacher who gave you an C-. That’ll show Mr. Stuart, that uncultured troglodyte!
5. CLEAN ALL THE THINGS!
Let’s be real: you really can’t write your novel until the house is spotless. That pile of dishes you’ve left neglected in the sink aren’t going to clean themselves! And let’s not forget vacuuming, dusting, cleaning out the fridge, and scrubbing the spaces between your keyboard with a very small, very tiny, broomstick.
6. OPEN SEVENTEEN NEW TABS
You’re a multitasker. Why stare blankly at your word document for an hour when you can open a billion new tabs and browse the interwebs for the rest of the day? Here, I’ll even get you started:
Tab 1: Youtube cat videos on autoplay (for the ambience)
Tab 2: Pinterest for all your story inspiration pins!
Tab 3: That one Wikipedia article for “research”
Tabs 4-10: TVTropes pages for “reference”
Tab 11: Spotify playlist (for the right atmosphere)
Tab 12: Facebook page of the person you’re stalking
Tab 13: Google search result for “How long does it take for a body to decompose and I’m asking for a book I’m writing please don’t arrest me FBI agent monitoring my computer”
Tab 14-16: Three separate Tumblr dashboards for inexplicable reasons
Tab 17: Blog article that advises you to stop wasting time on the internet and get back to writing
There is a moon near Starbase 46, and I understand they have the most esteemed Kasselian opera house, where they are currently performing La Bohème. I could be your date. Are you saying you’ll actually sit through that with me? Just this jump… and then I’m going to have a lot of free time on my hands.
10 Reasons to watch Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency
1) It features an amazing collection of female characters, who pass the Bechtel test while actively supporting and encouraging each
There’s Bart, who manages to be the most terrifying
badass to ever grace the screen while still somehow retaining her child-like
wonder and innocence.
There’s Farah, who isn’t afraid to step up and fight for the
people she loves, all while battling acute anxiety and the biggest inferiority
complex I have ever seen.
And then there’s Amanda, who is utterly fearless despite a
near crippling disease that restricts both her freedom and her independence.
2. None of the above women are ever sexualized/objectified. At no point
are they raped. At no point does anyone threaten them with rape. Even when they
are placed in scenarios where we would expect rape, the threat never arises. In
a world where sexual violence against women is commonplace and used extensively in media, this
is both refreshing and strangely uplifting.
3. The male characters are almost completely useless and yet
There’s Dirk, who reluctantly allows the universe to chart
his course, this despite the obvious trauma of his childhood and his unbearable
There’s Todd, who so thoroughly hates himself he can barely
stand to let another call him a friend.
And then there’s Ken, who overcomes overwhelming terror to find his place in the universe.
4. Two of the six main characters are characters of colour.
And not only are they well-written, they are also central to the plot.
5. All of the bad guys are idiots. Literally. This isn’t a
show where the above heroes need to outwit impossibly smart supervillains. It’s
a show where the bad guys have no clue what’s going on and can’t even begin to
figure out how they got themselves into this situation. This both simplifies
the narrative and provides tons of comedic relief.
6. Pacing. Plot. Continuity.
If you’re looking for a show that holds together start to
finish, where every little nuanced scene connects to the bigger picture, then
this is the show for you. Try watching it through a second time. It’s seamless.
7. Time Travel.
I just love time travel, okay. Especially when it’s done
8. It’s weirdly hilarious. I love a show that doesn’t take
itself too seriously. I love a show that throws convention and commonality out
the window. I love a show that isn’t afraid to be weird. Especially when
they’re adapting Douglas Adams.
9. It’s filmed in Vancouver! Wondering why there are so many
SPN extras? That would be why. But more importantly, Vancouver is stunning. As
a result, so is the show. BC is the perfect backdrop for the show’s vibrant use
of colours. It’s really quite lovely to watch.
10. Finally, there are a plethora of ships.
There’s Dirk/Todd, who are utterly adorable in those moments
when they do connect. Dirk is the loneliest, neediest person on the planet.
Todd is filled with self-loathing. Dirk makes Todd feel worthy of love. Todd
offers Dirk a connection. It’s a match made in some weird vortex of time and
There’s Bart/Ken, who somehow fit together in ways you’d
never anticipate. Bart gives Ken’s life meaning. Ken helps Bart navigate the
world outside of killing. They dig on each other like crazy.
There’s Farah/Amanda, who nicely counterbalance each other.
Let’s face it, Farah’s a mess, but she’s protective as fuck and Amanda, who
actually has her head together, often needs protecting. These two complement
each other like crazy.
And then there’s Amanda/Rowdy 3 (yes there are 4 of them), who seem so well matched you’d think they were one soul inside 5 bodies. Plus, these boys would protect her with their lives and yet never once seem to see her as a sexual object.
Don’t like any of the above? How about Amanda/Dirk? Or Todd/Farah?
Or Dirk/Farah? Or Dirk/Todd/Farah? Honestly, it’s an open universe, with so much potential and so
many possibilities. Heck, I’m even shipping Rapunzel/Shark-Kitten.
But see, you don’t need ten reasons to watch it. You just
need one. Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency is a ton of fun, and it’s
available on Netflix. There is literally nothing standing in your way.
Headcanon: Harry takes Draco to see fireworks, and Draco cannot get over the fact that they happen without magic
Harry 100% would’ve kissed Draco romantically under the man’s first firework show of his life…but said man was way too busy gawking and speaking about the impossibilities of fireworks without magic way too fast for Harry to even get a word in.
“How?! HOW! How does that even wor- Bloody hell! Look at that one Harry! Look, Look! It was huge! Bigger than the other ones! And- BLOO- How is it more than one colour?!”
“It should be impossible! How does it change colour in the sky?! We can barely learn those spells until our 5th year how does-”
“HARRY IT’S A HEART! Harry look! Look it’s in the shape of a heart! How-”
His words were immediately muffled when lips pressed against his, silencing anymore that he could say about the fireworks. Harry molded his lips against the others, practically coaxing him to kiss back and only once Draco did, did he pull away with amusement in his voice.
“You know, on a date the highlight is supposed to be the other person.”
Draco stared at him before flushing slightly, whacking his arm. “Shut up. I’ve never seen these before,” he said, and on cue, another firework boomed behind them.
Harry laughed, leaning in for another kiss. “I know, I know. I just really wanted to kiss you,” he hummed against his lips.
Returning the kiss briefly, Draco immediately ripped his lips away to shriek. “’HARRY LOOK IT’S THE FINALE!”
Did I die because I wanted to? I don’t know why I died…I don’t even know how I died. I don’t like being a ghost. I don’t want to be a ghost. I didn’t become one because I wanted too. Ghost’s can have their feelings hurt, okay? You bastard.
STUCK ON WHO TO SUMMON? WHATS THE BEST COLOUR? DO YOU NEED THE UNIT? AND MORE
So the ‘third’ hero fest is coming up and features 12 unique 5 star characters! The following being Ike, Celica, Ayra, Deirdre, Hector, Spring camilla, Bridal Caeda, Spring Xander, Fjorm (new character), Genny, Bridal Cordelia and Brave Lyn.
So besides a new character and 4 old limited edition units, this banner has a 8% pull rate along with no normal 5 star pull rate meaning, there are only 12 summonable 5 stars meaning you have a very good chance of getting who you want, with each colour having 3 units.
So who to aim for first? Best to worst? Is it possible with F2P orbs?
Well to answer this first off I’m going to give you the summon rates for this banner (I did a lot of maths for this so please spare my soul)
That document shows the rate to pull any singular hero on this banner. The only units not accounted for are Lute, Mia and Dorcas, as its impossible to say whether or not they will be demoted for sure, or even for this banner. No matter who does it’ll make very little difference.
Well I’ll quickly go over the important stuff here. On the spreadsheet, those in the big table shows the rate to pull any 1 hero from any one singular orb. The second, first small table shows the amount of star rated characters in a bracket, the second shows the percentage rates (I assumed Hero fest rates for the 4/3 stars). The next table shows the rate of pulling and star ranked unit in a full summon, For example if you did a full summoning session, reds provide the most 4 stars, while green produce the least. Meanwhile the vice versa is true for 3 star units.So normally there’s a 5 star pull but since it’s skipped and just a focus, it means surprise its 8% to summon one of these focus units. 2% for each colour and 0.6~% for each unit.
However the last table shows solo picking, a method where you pick one colour orb and quit afterwards once you’ve pulled all that colour. The rates for 5 stars are as follows
Red = 9.677419355 % Blue = 10.34482759 % Green = 14.28571429 % Colourless = 11.11111111%
This means if you just want 5 stars you should pull green orbs first, then colourless, followed by blue and finally Red. (Btw this applies to all 3 units in a colour, for a specific one just divide by 3)
So for those who just wanted the best colour to pull as a f2p player, the answer is green. However if you want to know if its worth the heroes or not continue reading…..
The red pool features Celica, Ike and Ayra as their 5 star pulls, and is arguably the best pool in terms of unit versatility, as all these units can play offence or defence. Celica is a incredibly deadly mage with the ability to hit incredible offensive power or tank mages depending on her A slot, however it also means she can’t do both at the same time. She also has a amazing tome in ragnarok. She’s a highly suggest pool for anyone wanting a red mage. Ike is essentially bulky Ryoma, Able to hit hard and defend well, however he lacks the speed he wishes he has and is stuck being mainly enemy phase. He’s a very good sword user though. Finally there is Ayra and she is the best sword unit in the game, she makes the red pools low chance worth it.
Should you pull?
If you need a good sword user or mage the answer is yes, or even just for Ayra, if you miss her the other two are still s tier and above. at 3.2% on just red pulls its worth the summon for the one you want.
I’m sad to say Blue is the weakest colour on the pull. Even if Fjorm turns out to be amazing, you get a free 5 star of her in the game after beating chapter 1 of book 2. Meaning unless you want ivs there is little reason. However it does boast 2 limited units being Bridal Caeda and Spring Xander. Bridal Caeda is a fast blue mage but like her normal counterpart she lacks attack to be a truly terrifying unit, shes still amazing if you get her as a blue mage but not the best. Spring Xander however is mostly outclassed by every other lance user, while he does have some niches, they are normally done by someone else still a limited unit as well.
Should you pull?
Unless you want the limited units, blue is the least of you’re concerns if looking for the best 5 stars. However Fjorm might be amazing though even then compared to the other groups…
Okay so listen up Green has a HUGE PULL RATE nearly as high as that wyvern banner we had a few months ago (where all 4 units where green) Greens low pool means the 5 stars appear more often. Hector of course, is Hector and truly Amazing. Deirdre is a amazing magic wall, however if you have Julia, she’ll be able to fulfill the same role soon due to the upgrade system. Basically its if you like more bulk over attack between the two but both are solid regardless, while the final unit is Spring Camilla. A green mage flier, who if you missed out on summer Corrin and can’t be asked with Nowi, she is a great unit to have. Especially as gronnraven lets her tank bows.
Should you pull?
Yes, Green is almost always worth it, unless you have these heroes or don’t care for them Green is always gonna reward you when you hit the jackpot.
So this is my pick for the best pulls, and yes its not colourless hell for once, more colourless heaven. Basically you have the two best archers, if not the best two units in the game, in Brave Lyn and Bridal Cordelia. They are essentially the same unit bar Lyn has a horse, and less attack while Cordelia has more Attack but is infantry. The final option is Genny who is one of the best healers in the game, but also comes with wrathful staff meaning anyone who wants to make another healer good can get this skill. Basically its worth it no matter what. Providing a 7.4% chance to get a archer and also has the second highest 4* chance, it means you’ll only go wrong if you pull a 3 star.
Should you pull?
YES BY GOD ALMIGHTY IF YOU DON’T HAVE A ARCHER NAB ONE OF THESE TWO.
That wraps it up though, if you want my advice I’d pull Colourless > Green > Red > Blue, green and red can be swapped but green has the higher rate,. While pulling every orb is solid, I’d suggest picking a colour to at least get someone you want first and then pull the rest if you pull a 5 star in a batch.
Anyway I hoped this help, and please spread this around I spent a lot of time on this