this is not the only issue btw

Ableism almost killed Stephen Hawking in the 80′s.

This is a casual reminder that Stephen Hawking was almost allowed to die due to ableism.

Stephen got so sick because the advance of his ALS made his larynx weak and it wasn’t doing the job of keeping spit and food out of his lungs when he swallowed. In the 80′s, he contracted aspiration pneumonia while at CERN. He got rushed to a hospital where he was placed in a medically induced coma and breathed via a ventilator. Doctors urged Jane (wife) to pull the plug because “he’s too far gone”. 

Think about it: Doctors put Stephen into a position where he couldn’t answer for himself, tried to tell his wife that he was too far gone and tried to tell her she should pull the plug as an act of mercy. 

I doubt that would have been said if Stephen wasn’t so visibly disabled by his ALS. It’s funny how people in the medical field tend to be so quick to give up on a patient if they already have a visible disability when they are brought in, but will throw all the medicine and machines they’ve got at somebody who isn’t visibly disabled. I don’t think doctors even realize they have this bias.

Thankfully, Jane stood up to the doctor. She said no, declared that Stephen must live and had him returned to Cambridge. She knew her husband better than the doctors. She saved his life.

Stephen had a tracheostomy done, which prevented him from speaking, and he spent some time on a ventilator while he recovered from the pneumonia. He initially communicated via a letter board by raising his eyebrows when the right letter was chosen. Then he went on to get the computer that gave him his famous voice. 

A little aside– Stephen has the option to get a new, more “human” sounding voice, and he refuses because he’s grown quite attached to the “robot” voice he’s so well-known for. He sees that as his voice now and identifies with it. (”Even though it gives me an American accent,” he once joked.)

Later, he had a laryngectomy because his larynx was causing a lot of trouble with swallowing food. Getting rid of it increased his quality of life. As far as I know he’s still swallowing just fine and eats and drinks by mouth with help from his assistants. A video of Stephen talking about the tracheostomy and laryngectomy can be found here. (No surgery images, but he describes medical tests and talks about the problems with eating.)

He communicates nonverbally with his caregivers using just facial gestures. One of them said Stephen can just look at him a certain way and he’ll know whether he’s saying he needs attention or everything’s fine. I read somewhere that Stephen grinds his teeth to express disapproval. (Yo, behavior is communication!) He communicates with more than his AAC device, it’s just a matter of learning to read him like his caregivers do.


‘No quality of life,’ the doctors said in the 80′s.


(Sarcasm) 

I guess this is ‘no quality of life’.

(/sarcasm)

[Stephen giving lectures at a university.]

[With the cast of The Big Bang Theory.]

[Experiencing zero gravity.]

[Looking sharp at the BAFTA’s!]

[In his office at Cambridge University, doing what he loves– trying to find the real theory of everything.]

(Sarcasm) 

Oh yes, his quality of life is just awful, isn’t it? 

(/sarcasm)


The only person allowed to determine Stephen Hawking’s quality of life is Stephen Hawking himself. And guess what? His life is great right now!

He almost wasn’t here. Ableism nearly ended his life in the 80′s.

Thankfully, he’s still around to sass people and keep us curious about the universe.

Here’s a documentary where Stephen tells his own story in his own words. CC’s are available for those with hearing or audio processing issues.

* * * WARNING: Video has flashing lights that may upset seizures or migraines.
* * * TRIGGERS: Dramatized hospital scenes, food consumption and alcohol consumption.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hi8jMRMsEJo (not my video)

Btw the girl in the thumbnail is goofing off with him by making that face.

anonymous asked:

I'm really sorry to bother you but this suddenly popped into my head while i was eating oreos, is Martian manhunter's obsession over oreos canon? Or is it just a popular headcanon? If you're too busy to answer i understand :) BTW I love your blog so much♡ Thankyou so much for running this blog!

Oh you’re not bothering me at all.  Martian Manhunter’s obsession with Oreos is 100% canon.  The only thing is in the DCU they call them “Chocos” to avoid copyright issues.  J’onn has an actual physical addiction to the sandwich cookies.  You should look up the wiki for Martian Manhunter #24

The summary is certainly worth a read.  J’onn continued his obsession with Chocos for over a decade up until present day.  When the Martian Manhunter died during Final Crisis, Batman placed a single Choco cookie on J’onn’s coffin.  Later, during Brightest Day Guy Gardner gave J’onn a large cooler filled with Chocos alongside a gallon of milk.  He did this to congratulate Martian Manhunter on coming back to life at the end of Blackest Night.  

I’m not too busy.  Thank you and you’re welcome!

LGB no T.

I am so sick of this. The black community has worshipped dick and centered black men in everything since day 1. Now silly handmaidens and black men who ‘identify’ as black women want to speak over actual black women to prop themselves up. How dare you disrespect our existence and use patriarchy in a dress to make yourselves the focal point of female oppression. It’s called SEXISM not genderism for a reason. Being female has been the sole basis of our abuse and you have the nerve to pretend all of that can be redirected to being about your “mentality”. Get the hell outta here. You don’t get to redefine things to suit your agenda. Now you’re out here peddling the lie that “black trans women” face the highest level of violence. Bull fucking shit. Black women have experienced more violence than ANYONE ever, especially if we are dark skinned. Black people have been enslaved by other black people, whites, arabs and Natives, all of whom raped black women . Some even forced us to breed in astronomical numbers and take care of all the children regardless of color because all we were good for was production. Black women have suffered FGM, have been forced into marriages as children, our bodies have been placed in human zoos for people to gawk at our 'unusual’ figures, our bodies have been used against our will to advance science. Present day black women carry those scars with us because trauma against our humanity for daring to exist while black and female is generational. Not only are we missing and trafficked at ridiculous rates but we are also raped, assaulted and killed under the radar. We have become the punchline for black 'entertainers’ and black men everywhere from our skin tone to our character to our mannerisms to our genitalia to our diction. We get cervical cancer more than anyone but we better not say it because “not all women have a cervix.” 😑 We are the poster children for everything wrong in society. When society talks about welfare queens and single motherhood, they’re not thinking of 'trans’ black women. When we get blamed for “destroying the black community with our feminism”, they’re not thinking of 'trans’ black women. When society talks about black women being ugly and ghetto they’re not thinking of 'trans’ black women. When people approriate our culture and style to give themselves an edge, they’re not taking it from 'trans’ black women. Black women have attitude. Black women are fat. Black women are raising thugs. They’re not talking about 'trans’ black women. Day in and out, black women are society’s scapegoat while all you care about is being able to use the bathroom you prefer and being able to date straight men without opposition. That is what we call a First World Problem. Your identity crisis and the elective surgeries you get to appease it do not take precedent over the global and never ending disrespect of black women. We didn’t have to alter ourselves and go out of our way to be oppressed like you. Just by existing as is, the world has told us that is enough reason to take endless craps on us. Stop acting like black men haven’t always found it ok to fight black women like men because our blackness allegedly discounts our womanhood. Stop acting like black men haven’t embedded it in their mind that black women are not human but their mules to take care of them when life is hard, only to be discarded when they become successful. Stop acting like black girls aren’t constantly robbed of our innocence with assault and dubbed 'fast’ so our pain is overlooked and our fault. Stop acting like people haven’t always called black women, men because we are the antithesis of white beauty standards. Stop acting like every woman doesn’t get an ego boost on our backs. We are woman enough to be raped, trafficked, called bitches and hoes but too 'manly’ to reap the finances, protection and reverence patriarchal society’s claim to give women. Stop acting like black women are not abused physically, psychologically, emotionally and financially and haven’t always been by white society, black society and everyone in between. Acting like you have it so hard when we have always been treated like an other just for being born. “The most disrespected and least protected person on the planet is the black woman.” - Malcolm X He said black woman. Not black 'trans’ woman. Cis privilege my ass. You think because you’ve been feeling for the last year what black women have been feeling since FOREVER, that you have it worse? You are only experiencing a sliver of what we get anyway. It’s just that typical fragile masculinity you were born into that has you thinking you are the peak of oppression. You went your whole lives ignoring and/or capitalizing on the degradation of black women because your maleness allowed you to put it on the back burner. Your internal issues with gender did not negate the external privilege you received. But now that you 'identify’ as one of us, we need to make you a priority or you slander us with poor reverse psychology. How narcissistic can you get? Womens rights are only worthy of attention when you are involved? “TERF” is not a thing btw. Stop using racism, sexism and homophobia to make yourself valid. You cannot compare white privilege, male privilege and straight privilege to this nonsense. Women have never had privilege. Or do you just wanna ignore the last thousands of years? You were born on the side of privilege and into the dominant oppressing class. Now you want access to a marginalized group with no questions and throw tantrums when we say no. It’s almost like your male privilege conditioned you to force yourself onto women at any cost and taught you how to play victim when women don’t fall for your shit. You want equal footing in womanhood but won’t hesitate to remind us you “have it worse”. You want to call lesbians bigots if they exclusively like women and vagina… because hey, how dare some women not want penis in any way, shape or form. Blasphemy! You have no concern for women in shelters fleeing abusive men. You invade their spaces and tell them to suck it up if they don’t like your dick and masculine energy. You say nothing when born males use their advantages to dominate female sports. But you’re the victim, right? I will say it again. It’s called SEXISM, not genderism for a reason. You don’t get to keep playing the “being born in the wrong body is not a privilege” card to ignore your advantages and complicity at our expense. Gender identity issues are low priority in comparison to everything else. Every day black women leave our homes, we are subjected to antiblackness and misogyny just for being ourselves. Doesn’t matter how we dress or speak, it is hurled our way just for being in a female body via a black package. It will be a cold day in hell before those born male and their delusions get to define womanhood but those of us born female and our realities that came with it don’t. Yes, we are the arbiters and gatekeepers of womanhood and it pisses you off there’s nothing you can do about it except rally your naive liberal handmaidens and scream TERF. Interestingly enough, there are countless instances of 'trans women’ raping, assaulting and killing women but not ONE woman has done that to you. Yet here you all come… into our spaces IRL and on the internet to force yourselves onto us. Why don’t you go after the men who fuck you in private but don’t want to publicly be seen with you and take your lives with the same gusto? Is it because you have no privilege over them and instead, it’s easier to gang up on the 'weaker sex’? It’s almost like you devalue women so much, you wanna speak over, redefine and attack us all while blaming our words for violence against you… well what do you know, patriarchy strikes again. We will not give into your demands. We don’t negotiate with terrorists. (If misgendering you is 'violence’, well propagating existent violence against us is indeed terrorism.) 😊

#blackfeminism #feminism #womanism #womenfirst #saynotopatriarchyinadress

KIDS CAN BE GAY. KIDS CAN HAVE A CRUSH ON SOMEONE OF THE SAME GENDER. KIDS CAN BE BI. KIDS CAN BE TRANS. STOP TREATING LGBT FEELINGS LIKE AN ADULTS ONLY TOPIC.

Yes, Virginia, there are radfems who aren’t TWERFs, who put things like “TERFs fuck off” in their headers, and reblog all the positivity posts about trans wlw. 

IMHO, this is one of the main ways that TERF rhetoric and philosophy becomes widedpread in the community. People think that the only dangerous or fucked-up part is hating/oppressing trans women, and vehemently oppose that (rightly!) while adopting pretty much everything else. 

And then other folks come across the “pretty much everything else” and don’t realize where it comes from, because THEY’RE not reblogging from TWERFs, THEY’RE yelling at any TWERFs they find… and they don’t realize they’re reblogging from people who don’t realize they’re following TWERFs. 

Image is an off-center (sorry) venn diagram titled “The Venn Diagram of Radical Feminist Tumblr,” on a pink gradient background.

The pink left-hand circle is T(W)ERFs, and the only item that’s ONLY in that circle is:

“Opposes trans women because they are considered ‘men,’ and supports trans men because they are considered women. 

“(Note that ‘support’ here only means 'misgenders and tokenizes them and pressures them to detransition,’ and can mean 'ruthlessly doxxes them because all trans people are bad’)”

The pink right-hand circle is “Anti-TWERF Radfems.” The only item that’s only in THAT circle is “Opposes trans men because they are men, and supports trans women because they are women”.

The center, where the circles overlap, i.e. the beliefs common to both groups, includes: 
* Opposes non-binary genders and doesn’t think they exist, or thinks of them as slight variations on male and female
* Thinks of genders as being defined by oppression
* Thinks of sexual orientations as primarily being defined by their oppression, and sees oppression as moving them closer or farther from “straight”
* Opposes sex work and the sex industry
* Opposes BDSM and “kink”
* Thinks of patriarchy as the main root of oppression
* Thinks of socialization as being binary and separate - you only get either male or female socialization
* Opposes inclusion of GNC people under trans umbrella b/c thinks of “trans” as implying transition
* Thinks of women/girls as universally positive, men/boys as negative, sometimes w/exceptions for men/boys who are oppressed or allies
* Values “prioritizing” women, in a way where the more your personal life focuses on women, the better you are perceived by the group

This is just what I’ve observed from reading Tumblr; please feel free to add or correct things. 

please note:

The single ideas on the outskirts are not less harmful than the list of ideas in the center. 

Opposing Trans Women, specifically, represents an entire platform of fucked-up ideology, harassment, misgendering, etc. (Currently, it particularly represents pushing really hard for bathroom laws and against letting young people of any gender transition; consistently portraying trans women as sexual predators and as violent; and, mainly outside of Tumblr, an ableist push to keep autistic people from being allowed to identify as trans and to transition.) 

Opposing Trans Men is significantly less fucked up because it at least doesn’t include misgendering binary trans people, (although it usually still includes misgendering nb ones), and because it’s not used to legislate against trans people, harm autistic people, or push to prevent anyone from transitioning. (It does, however, often include portraying trans men as sexual predators and as violent.) 

(Plz also note: not all radfems embrace or care about every single item in the center; these are the most common points I see them sharing. Many of them will focus on just one or a few issues, often in addition to more common feminist positions such as reproductive freedom and opposing misogyny.

The inclusion of more common positions often serves to make the radfem positions seem more positive/harmless – “this person is totally right about X, therefore New Idea Y must also be true!”

I’m not using TERF/TWERF interchangeably above, btw. I’m specifically distinguishing between TWERFs who hate trans women and TERFs who think they’re not cissexist, but whose hatred of men somehow only gets expressed at trans men, and who join TWERFs in shitting on nonbinary people - usually but not always with an exception for nb people who identify as “woman-aligned/female-aligned”.)

Here is Mila


Thank you  @nessasims for all your amazing hair retextures !


btw I don’t know why but my kids’s hair, eyebrows and eyes are changing of color all the time and it really piss me off ! am I the only one having this issue ? if someone has any solution to fix it please tell me ! ^^’



click for hq

Beautiful-Calum Hood Smut

Idk if you’re still taking smut requests, but can you do one where Y/N is really uncomfortable with her body, like literally hates how she looks and (any of the boys) finds out and basically shows her how beautiful she is to him?? Sorry if that makes no sense😂 I love your writing btw!! Xx

I saw this request and I had to do it because I totally relate. I’ve struggled with body issues my whole life and I’ve read some smuts related to that and also whoever wrote this I love u <3

MASTERLIST

The hateful words dug into you like small knives, each digging deeper until tears had begun streaming down your face. Since you had begun dating Calum, Twitter was a battle field and it was only you and Calum against millions of fans.

Thousands of tweets were sent your way daily about how Calum could do much better than you and every tweet seemed to mention your weight and how they felt you could use a trip to the gym.

Before you went public with your relationship you were almost always confident with your appearance. By no means were you overweight, you never thought that until everyone started picking apart your appearance minute by minute.

Today was the worst day yet. You had woken up to thousands of twitter notifications because of a couple pictures were taken of you and Calum shopping yesterday. The pictures hadn’t been taken in the most flattering angle which just caused some of the most extreme fans to type degrading things.

As the day went by more hateful words filled your feed and the more you read the more you believed.

Calum wasn’t supposed to be home for a couple hours so you stood up from your previous position on the couch and walked to your shared bedroom. Just looking at yourself in the vanity made your heart ache more. Slowly, you removed your clothes to be able to see your whole body, not covered with over-sized pieces of clothing to hide your body.

You stared at the space where your thighs touched and how your stomach stuck out further than your liking. As you tore yourself apart with insults you didn’t even realize the door closing and Calum’s loud foot steps.

“What are you doing?” he asked, looking at you through the mirror.

You jumped and reached for your shirt to cover yourself even though Calum had already seen you naked before. “N-nothing.”

His face softened, “I saw Twitter today.”

“Oh,” you sighed, looking down at your bare feet. “I’m fine, Calum. They’re just mad at me because I have you and-”

“Well they shouldn’t be mad at you. They should know how happy I am because of you and how beautiful you are and how amazing you make me feel.”

He walked towards you slowly and lowered the shirt from your body. “It’s just hard for me because everything they say about me just hurts. Every tweet after the other just digs deeper and I hate it. I hate how I look and sometimes I think they’re right about me. You’re so…you, and I’m so…different.”

“Y/n,” he whispered, “I love you. Don’t let some people who don’t even know you tear you down.”

“It’s just hard to not let it get to me when it’s true.”

His hand raised to wipe your tears away, “It’s not true.”

A sigh was released from your lips, “Calum, I kind of want some time alone.”

His eyes were full of sadness at the way you were putting yourself down. Slowly he dropped his head down and mumbled something quickly before leaving you to yourself.

Not quite sure what to do, you decided to take a shower after more days then you would like to admit without one. Since all of your clothes were already off, you stepped in and turned the water to near burning temperature. 

After minutes of standing beneath the scalding water, you almost couldn’t feel the burning sensation of the water. Slight sniffles came from your nose and you couldn’t help yourself anymore. Sobs wracked your body as thoughts of your weight flowed through your head again.

You could feel your thighs sticking together and the way your stomach jutted out and how your upper arms stuck to your sides.

The shower curtain moving made you jump as you turned to see Calum slipping into the shower with you. “Jesus fucking Christ, Y/n. Why’s the water so damn hot?”

All you could manage was a shrug as he moved his arm past you to increase the flow of cold water to balance the temperature of the water. 

After the water cooled down, Calum wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled your back against his bare chest. “I love you.”

A small smile grazed your lips, “I love you too, Cal.”

He squeezed you tighter against him and began pressing kisses against your collarbone. “I love all of you Y/n. I love your stomach and your thighs and everything else you hate about yourself because all of that makes you the girl I fell in love with a couple years ago. I hate that you feel shitty just because a couple of people called you shitty names because you’re so much more than those horrible names.”

You leaned your head against his shoulder as he lightly sucked on your neck. “Calum,” you whispered.

“Can I make you feel good?”

Words seemed to be stuck in your throat so all you could manage was a small nod and immediately you moaned when his hand slithered around your front to cup your heat in his hand.

“You’re so beautiful,” he purred into your ear as he slowly started to circle his finger around your clit. Your chest was heaving when he entered his digit into your tight hole.

“Cal,” you warned, not in the mood for teasing.

You felt his wet hair nod against your head in understanding. “I know, baby.” He retracting his fingers from your pussy and brought his lips around them. “You taste amazing,” he purred.

Eyes blackened with lust, he turned you around abruptly and closed the space between your lips. Without permission, his tongue entered your mouth, but you weren’t going to protest. 

Without much thought, you reached down to his almost fully erect member and wrapped your hand around him. Your kiss was interrupted with a loud groan from Calum which caused you to smirk. “No, this is about you, not me,” he panted.

A small frown formed itself on your face and you slowly retracted your hand. Calum brought your chin back up so your lips could connect again and he hesitantly moved you so your back was facing the cold tile wall. With the sudden coldness against your bare back, your nipples hardened against his broad chest and he shivered at the sensation. 

He removed his lips from yours and lowered them to your neck. “Let me show you how beautiful you are to me,” he murmured into your neck.

Without an answer, he lowered his lips, not leaving them in the same place for long. First, he moved to your hardened buds, sucking each briefly before placing meaningful kisses along your stomach, and he finally stopped when he was kneeling in front of your heat.

Just the sight of the boy you loved in front of you, almost begging to eat you out made you rub your thighs together. He lifted one of your legs to rest on his shoulder before placing more kisses on your inner thighs leading up to your wetness.

You felt his fingers slowly separate your lips and you moaned when he placed a feather-light kiss on your bundle of nerves. When he started lapping at your entrance you almost lost it. Trying to contain your moans, you gripped his hair with both hands and tugged slightly releasing an attractive grunt from Calum.

When he entered one of his long digits into your dripping pussy you cried out. It seemed like forever since you had had a release. “Please,” you whimpered.

“Please what, princess?” he groaned at the sight of you above him.

It seemed impossible for words to form, but you eventually controlled yourself, “More.”

He seemed pleased with your answer and added another finger in with his next thrust. You gasped and moved one hand to try and grip something against the wet wall so you wouldn’t injure Calum with how hard you were pulling on his hair.

Reading your mind, he removed his other hand from your ass and moved it back to his head. “You’re so hot when you pull on my hair.”

You opened your eyes to look down at him rapidly thrusting his fingers into you while attaching his mouth to your clit. Not even able to moan, you suddenly came at the sight of him going down on you with one last thrust of his fingers.

Your stomach felt like it was exploding due to your intense orgasm and you were left slouched against the wall with a content smile etched on your face. 

When he came up from kneeling you immediately crashed your lips against his. “I love you so much,” you panted against his lips.

“You think I’m done?” he asked with an amused expression.

Your eyebrows quirked up with amuse, “So I’m assuming you aren’t then?”

“You know I can’t stop until after I’ve been buried inside of that pussy of yours,” he groaned, slowly raising your legs to wrap around his waist.

Biting your lip to stop from moaning at his words, you pulled his face closer to yours to attach his lips to your as he sunk in.

As expected, the kiss was broken when both of your mouths opened wide from pleasure. “You’re so thick, Calum,” you moaned loudly.

Calum seemed to be at a loss for words as he moved out of you only to push back in deeper. His mouth remained open and only quick pants exited his mouth as he quickened the speed of his thrusts.

“How can someone be as beautiful as you,” he cried out, getting closer to the edge.

A small amount of blush spread itself across your cheeks at his words, “I’m not joking, Y/n, you’re so beautiful I can’t believe I’m even with you right now-fuck!” he yelled.

You raked your fingers down his back, a move you knew would cause him to lose it. He knew what you were doing and once knowing you were steady against the wall, moved his thumb to rub harshly against your clit. 

The tight knot in your stomach indicated that you weren’t far off and Calum knew it too. “Please cum. Fuck I’m so fucking close, princess.”

His begging sent you over the edge along with his long, deep trusts.

You squeezed yourself tightly over his cock and cried out. He followed your lead and soon came in four, long spurts.

His panting didn’t subside until minutes after the two of you had calmed down. Wincing slightly, he pulled out of you and held you up slightly due to your shaky legs.

“Do you want to get dried off?” he asked. You just nodded in response, now, too exhausted to speak.

He picked you up bridal style and carried you to the counter where he sat you down. Reaching for the towel rack, he handed you your towel which prompted you to dry yourself off.

After the two of you dried off, you slowly wrapped the towel around your body and walked to sit on your bed. Calum trailed after you and sat beside you.

After sitting in sweet silence for a moment, he lied down and tugged you towards him. You nuzzled your head in his neck and wrapped an arm around his bare chest. “Thank you,” you mumbled into his neck.

“Of course. And next time, please talk to me about this. I hate seeing you hurt. You mean the world to me and when I come home seeing you devastated over some stupid words it breaks my heart.”

All you could manage was a nod and a peck to his shoulder before enjoying the peace of sitting there with the man you loved. 


Yes, part two of Stress Reliever is coming shortly.

anonymous asked:

Islamic countries literally execute gays, pour acid in women's faces for looking at other men, and have extreme laws for petty crime. You don't think there's something alarming about a group of people who's mentality is as such? I know veterans who actually lived amongst these people and the common people regularly told them that they would mistreat and discriminate against Americans who came to visit. And not just for America's corrupt political ways, but for our beliefs and "hedonistic" ways.

Every country has its own issues. Did you forget America in the 1800’s? We literally inslaved people because of the color of their skin. They were white owners “property” and they got raped, beaten, molested and murdered. The Quran doesn’t say treat women like shit, it’s actually very against that. Don’t judge 10 people’s actions to billions of Muslims around the world. Btw did you also forget France/Germany/China and how they were 200 (some places are still corrupt TODAY) years ago?? The idea doesn’t only fit for the people or places you want it too. Plus our new President and Vice President want to repeal the gay marriage law and Pence even wants to put them in camps to turn them straight. I don’t see you losing sleep over that.

2x07 Malec Review

I hate drama. So here is what I think.

Let’s first state that I loved the malec scenes. They were absolutely beautiful. Maybe ppl don’t remember their scenes that’s why they say there was no malec at all. There was the beautiful gift scene, the kissing on the sofa, magnus saying alec is a special person, alec asking izzy about sex, alec going to magnus & kissing him passionately, magnus smiling and I was dying, their memorable conversation, the two rushing into the bedroom kissing passionately and WTF THERE WASN’T ANY RAPE C'MON ARE YOU SERIOUS!? Their scenes where freaking beautiful don’t just throw evil everywhere.

But ofc there is also a negative side… The scenes were SHORT. The kissing scene on the sofa, especially, lasted exactly 29 seconds only; I think it was really too short and they also cut out the glasses part… the scenes were much shorter compared with the Maia, Simon, Jace scenes for example. The important thing here is not how many scenes, but how long they are. And you know which is the real problem? The stills, the sneak peaks, the teasing tweets. They convinced us that the ep would’ve been only about malec, but it wasn’t. But don’t misunderstand my thoughts! Again I LOVED and DIED FOR THE BEAUTIFUL MALEC SCENES, but the way they’ve teased us made us think we would’ve ended up with half ep of malec and the other half of the rest (WHICH WAS AMAZING BTW), and then this didn’t really happen. So the problem here is not malec, is not what they show or what they don’t show, but the screen time.

Then there is another issue, which is the sex scene. Here also we need to look at both sides, we can’t just say bad things. I MEAN 9 MONTHS AGO WE WOULDN’T EVEN HAVE IMAGINED THAT WE COULD DESERVE A MALEC SEX SCENE AND NOW HERE WE ARE TODAY COMPLAINING BECAUSE WE WANTED MORE!!! The writers have just given us the sex scene (shown or not shown), OUR MALEC HAVE JUST HAD SEX COULD WE FOCUS ONLY ON THIS FOR A MIN!!! Idk about you but the scene was hot and amazing, when they were finally rushing into the room kissing, magnus kissing passionately back, my heart was exploding, MY HEARY WAS EXPLODING, and we cannot not recognize that this scene killed us and was unbelievable!!! I was dying and it was PERFECT. IT WAS ABSOLUTELY PERFECT. I wouldn’t have imagined it differently! Would you? How? I don’t think so.

Now, negative side of the issue. If they actually had sex (which I hope not btw), I’m praying god that they’re going to show us something next ep, like waking up together, cuddling (that they didn’t give us today) etc… Because I’ve waited for this moment for 9 months and I want to ACTUALLY SEE STH. They say they can’t show sex, but then they show Jace & Kaelie naked kissing. So I TRULY HOPE that next ep they are going to show sth similar with malec because otherwise I’m sorry but I’ll be disappointed. Anyway, IF THEY DIDN’T SHOW AN INTIMATE SCENE THIS EP IT DOESN’T MEAN IT WON’T HAPPEN NEXT WEEK. So I hope they are going to show sth, or it wouldn’t be fair.

To conclude, malec has been amazing in every single scene, Harry and Matt have been fantastic. Let’s just hope for next week to bring us a cuddling scene in bed, or maybe they didn’t even had sex (I hope). So it depends on next week. BUT PLEASE DON’T SAY THE EP WASN’T GOOD😭.

1 last advice: DON’T watch sneak peaks, try to avoid spoilers as much as u can, and just ENJOY THE SHOW and the beautiful malec that we have❤

Bonus❤

Dear white people,

It’s not possible to be racist to white people in the United States. Someone can hate white people. Someone may be mean to white people because they’re white, but it’s not possible to be racist toward them. Racism is the form of oppression that specifically targets any racial minority, and to be racist a group must have several qualities, specifically privilege and power. Considering the fact that white people are the majority of the population, this can’t be directed at them.

If you look at the U.S Congress, you’ll see mostly white men, in fact you’ll see a disproportionately large amount of white men relative to the population. When the government is deciding whether or not to pass a bill to assist a minority that’s suffering from anything they have a high chance of not. And if there’s not enough people of color in government, who votes to help them out? They have no power to change it internally, and to quote Assata Shakur, “Nobody in the world, nobody in history, has ever gotten their freedom by appealing to the moral sense of the people who were oppressing them.” The fact that the majority of our government will always be less than sympathetic to minorities is institutionalized racism.

If you walk down an empty street in downtown Cincinnati at two a.m. and you run across an African American person going the other way, you’ll be nervous. You aren’t trying to be racist, but you are. Entirely unintentionally (or maybe even intentionally), through the society and media we live in, you’ve absorbed the concept that black men are dangerous. Will you act on it? Probably not, but you still have a minor signal in your head of alarm. This is what it’s like in the majority of the population, and it’s not just white people like you, this is the same for nearly the entire demographic and group of persons in the country. This is what lets cops get away with saying they saw a suspicious character and felt the need to act after killing an unarmed man in Ferguson. It’s why the the title of “highest at-risk of being a police shooting victim” goes to young African American males. That’s internalized oppression.

You may not have known what you were doing. You may have been a kid at the time. However, at some point in your life, I can guarantee you’ve been awful towards a person of color, with at least some of the result or reason being due to their race. It may have just been a slur when you were in a fight for unrelated reason–or even a dumb joke–but you were. This alone isn’t huge, but you and the millions of others that pile this on create a subtle undertone in every Americans mind that whatever you joked about is to some degree true–all the while you’re hurting the minorities in question by setting them on a lower and lower platform below you.

This is how you’ve contributed to interpersonal racism.

If an African American family is, just simply is, they are over twice as likely to be in poverty as a white family. Out of the over 1,800 billionaires in the world, less than fifteen of them are of African descent. When taking a stroll through the hollywood hills, it’s so much more likely to see a lamborghini than a person of color that it sounds like the beginning of a politically incorrect joke. This is structural or historical racism. After centuries of having been enslaved, denied well-paying jobs, and cheated by our world, they are still being dealt an inconsolably bad hand. Even now, the likelihood of an Asian woman being hired as a government official is horrifically low, which only feeds into the white privilege of over-representation of caucasian interests in the court system.

I know you probably don’t agree with me on this, but that’s because you’ve never suffered from this system. So much so that you hardly know it’s there. You don’t notice when you turn on the news and a white man spills you the latest details on the car crash on Pfieffer because he always has. You’ve never been pleasantly surprised to see someone of your demographic starring in the newest sitcom, but millions are. You and your friends were probably never looked upon with lingering suspicion by staff when you strolled through an upscale department store, but almost all African American kids were at some point. It’s not just that you won’t be the victim of harassment based on your race, but that if you were, you could go to court. In court, you could have a decent lawyer due to your decent pay that you’d be a lot less likely to have if you were any other racial group other than your own. And without a shadow of a doubt, you would win that court case. Not only because the probably white judge and jury would favor you, but because they’d have a bias against whatever ethnicity other than yours harassed you.

Every component of this oppressive system is rooting for you so much that it touches every aspect of your life, and you don’t even notice it. Racism, this massive force of oppression, can’t be directed towards a group with every scrap of systematic and social power there is to have. Even if some girl can yell “Cracker” at a white guy as her car soars past, he can’t be struck with all the disadvantage people of color endure on a day to day basis. Yet despite everything you hold over minorities, you have the audacity to be offended the instant racial quotas are instated on admittance to colleges. You all seem to not understand you are constantly benefitting so much from this subjugation of everyone but yourselves. The only reason a white person in this country feels the system is against them is because the privileges and advantages he’s been reaping for ages is being diminished ever so slightly in a move to equality.

The floor hurts a lot when someone yanks the chair out from under you. Unfortunately for the rest of America, its not being pulled fast enough.

Solo/group projects and cross-collateralization

So I’ve been reading this book on the industry and it makes a lot of things suddenly make a lot of sense. But one thing that makes it so hard to find out about 5H’s contractual situation, is that I think that their record deal is very unique.

Namely the fact that they each have individual contracts and individual-as-a-member-of-the-group contracts. I think this fact is at the centre of everything that has been going on. (I’m not sure if this applies to 1D as well - but directioners please chime in if you know anything about this).

When does this arrangement of giving group members two contracts make sense?: When you manufacture a group with the eventual aim of using it to set up 1 or 2 successful solo careers. I assume it means that as a label you also own the rights to the singers as solo artists while they are under their group contract, so it means that theoretically even if you decided to drop the group, no other label could steal the solo artists off of you. I assume it also means that the artist can fulfill their contractual obligations to you as a solo act (i.e. Mila can release a solo album and it counts as a replacement for participating in 5H3).

From what I understand, in standard practice, a group is treated as one artist - it is a singular entity. So all of the advance (the money the record company loans to the artist up-front), and the royalties (what the artist earns) and the recoupments (what the artist has to pay back to the label) are calculated as a group then the net profit (or probably loss in this case) is divided equally between the 5 members

That is pretty simple and standard practice. But then the big question is how do the group-members’ individual solo contracts interact with this? I have a gut feeling that this might be at the heart of everything. 

One big question I have is whether solo projects and group projects can be cross-collateralized. 

What is cross-collateralization?

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

People were saying on twitter that during the bts vlive after the bbma's yoongi called Nicki "noona" but I'm pretty sure I heard him say "lol wayne이랑 Nicki 랑", is that what you heard??

it’s 니키미나즈랑 (ni-ki-mi-na-jeu-rang), 니키미나즈 = nicki minaj… this is just like that time someone searched “고유슈가” on google and got the “sugar daddy” result (which btw, only shows up because 슈가 literally means “sugar”) and blew it up on twitter by saying jk called yg “sugar daddy” 😧 or when they shared a video of korean news reporting bts going to the bbmas saying “they stopped the news to announce bts’ win”, when they in fact only reported “bts” being one of the hot issue keywords and said “bts is highly likely to win an award at bbmas” 😧 everything blows up on twitter and no one cares if it’s true or not

A/N:  fucking love this what the fuck. suddenly 2k words. i have to remember to keep doing this format so people on mobile can read answered requests :P

also, surprise!

✤✤✤✤✤✤

Originally posted by simplyct

thought of u lol

You couldn’t stop the short laugh that escaped you at the sight of the meme that popped up on your phone. You coughed to try and cover it up, but it didn’t matter how convincing it was, your wide smile was a pretty tell-tale sign.

Keep reading

I think the reason people are so heated about Gil is that, as the only gay man in the game, he has to represent the entire gay community (Suvi faces the same issue as a gay woman btw) which one man simply cannot do so not everyone will see themselves in him and so not everyone will be happy with the gay representation in Andromeda.

So really, all Bioware has to do is write more gay men and women. Both Gil and Suvi are great characters but they can’t represent their respective communities properly, no one character or person ever can because an entire community of diverse and unique individuals can never be represented by a single entity.

anonymous asked:

hello! this is a little bit of an odd request, but do you think you could write something about mc being about 15-16 when they meet the rfa? i think your blogs really cool btw!!

Hi anon! To avoid anything that I’m not really comfortable with like pedophilia, I made it so that none of the RFA members are really in love (at least sexually) with her since it’s canon that they’re all 20+ years old. I hope this is understandable, topics like that can be triggering to some people. Hope you enjoy~


Yoosung:
♥ When he finds out you’re only a highschool girl trying to host the party, he’s kinda happy. He’s thrilled he found someone who has to go through the school issues that he goes through.
♥ He treats you like a younger sister and also helps you with school work if you’re struggling.
♥ He tries his hardest to make sure planning the party is 100% comfortable for you. He offers a lot of his help.
♥ Study buddies! If you two are coincidentally studying the same thing, he’ll definitely offer to study with you.
♥ “I didn’t know someone as young as you would pick up a job like this! So smart!!”

Zen:
♥ Zen is a little shocked when he realizes you’re so young. He’s a huge flirt so he gets kinda embarrassed that he flirted with you before knowing how old you were.
♥ He also is really helpful, he knows how pressuring it can be when you’re super young and you have to manage a lot of stuff by yourself.
♥ He is so nice and sweet tbh, he treats you like the younger sister he never had.
♥ He will defend you whenever someone teases you for being so young. He knows the struggle.
♥ “When I was your age, I was just like you. Always getting into things that I shouldn’t have been getting in, but this is different. Maybe you were destined to be here, just like me.”

Jaehee:
♥ She kinda doubts you at first, saying how you’re too young to organize a party this big.
♥ She gets super impressed when she finds out you can manage all this stuff. She compliments you a lot on it.
♥ If work gets overwhelming, she offers her help. Work on the party is far more interesting than work for the company.
♥ She thinks of you as a daughter almost, she’s such a supportive lil mom aaaaAA
♥ “If stuff gets to be too much, please tell me. I will try to help you as much as I can.”

Jumin:
♥ Like Jaehee, he has his doubts too. He’s very pessimistic as it is, so it doesn’t help that you’re super young as well.
♥ Though he’s doubtful, he has faith that it’ll work out one way or another. He has his clients email you so that you can invite them to the party.
♥ Once he becomes fond of you, he gets really protective. You’re so young and bright in this world, he doesn’t want you to feel like he felt during his childhood so he tries to be there for you almost like a father would.
♥ Always asks if you need help, he’ll hire someone immediately if you do.
♥ “It’s intriguing that someone so young is just so intelligent and driven. I’m quite impressed.”

Seven:
♥ He knew all along that you were young cause of the background check.
♥ He’s happy though, he’s a kid at heart so you guys get along really well.
♥ He becomes your best friend, though he’s like 5 years older, he acts just your age.
♥ You guys troll the RFA together, you guys are literally double trouble.
♥ He’s super protective over you, he’s never really had a best friend so the thought of losing you makes him really upset.
♥ “I’ll share my Honey Buddha Chips with you if you want, MC! We’re BFFs after all, heheh!!”

Top five worst Sonic Archie issues

So a while back me and @greenyvertekins​ talked a bit about our favorite Sonic Archie moments, I was thinking of doing a TOp five/top ten favorite Sonic archie issues but honestly the moments I and Greenyvertekis mentioned were pretty much my favorite/best issues. So if you want to read here! most of them are also from the best written arcs so …..

Then I thought, wouldn’t it be fun to do a top five WORST Sonic arche issues instead? :) (warning Im from the Netherlands so my English is bad, feel free to spell correct me!)

Number 05 Issue 172

Going pretty low in the list because despite this being one of  my least favorite issues it should be noted that this was the start from the comic getting better and better at this point, this ugly-face just was the blacksheep from that collection.

Not only was the cover a bad reminder that the comic was seen as bad-furry-romance-drama which I really hoped the comic wanted to distant itself from it, the entire issue is a sadlyalso  bad-furry-drama. It starts off with Amy Rose confronting Fiona Fox about the rumors that she heard from Tails that she is cheating on Sonic with Scourge, (the Green Edgy Sonic recolor) Now the story of Fiona Fox is a pretty sad one, she never had much of a character to begin with. She was first introduced as a robot in her child form to lure Tails into a trap. It turns out that Eggman based her off a real person: Fiona Fox who someway or another was left behind by Mighty and Sonic in Eggman’s prison and she manage to escape but stil holding a grudge and got angry at them for it, That is mostly what I remember her from in the past issues. From then on she would just be background character number 55 a freedom fighter with no dialog, the only times I sort of remember her was that she liked the idea of using guns, and that Sonic was afraid for Tails to be rejected by the too-old-for-you girl Fiona.Sonic wanted to talk to FIona about this issue and she mentions she still thinks SOnic is selfish for leaving her behind but that his sacrifice in issue 125 made her change her mind somewhat, That’s it. Now the weird story behind Fiona is that Karl Boilers planned to use her as a second-love interest for Sonic after Sonic broke up with Sally. Sonic was supposed to enter a relationship with Amy Rose shortly after the Sonic/Sally break up. (Keep in ind that Amy Rose back then was still 10 years old mentally at that time YIKES.) and Fiona for whatever reason was to become a rival to Amy for Sonic’s affections. Now Ken Penders apparently interfered with this idea and Karl and Ken changed it into…Fiona Fox becoming Sonic’s girlfriend instead…out of the blue….out of nowhere. At least with Amy you knew she had a crush on Sonic but with Fiona? why would Sonic ever enter a relationship with a girl he hardly interacted with and with a girl his best friend was crushing on? ..moving on various issues later and writer Karl Boilers and Ken Penders were no longer on board and new writer Ian Flyn entered into the picture it was by then far too late to clean up this mess and I could tell from the comic’s writing that Ian wasn’t sure what to do with Fiona, he tried to give her a more Sally-personality with a bad history but that felt tripped and forced. He knew he had to break the two characters off and he thought the best way to do that was to reveal that Fiona Fox became a bad-girl who fell in love with Scourge due to the events off Sonic 150 (dont worry that issue will be brought up later)

Not only did this came out of no where, it felt forced even if Fiona had no character it felt like she really was just a pawn of a writer not sure what to do with her. It also didnt help that the issue ends in a weird anticlimatic way  and in the next issue most of the characters dont even talk or seem to be phazed with Fiona’s betrayel and  Sonic would be slightly flirtatious with Sally and Amy in the next issue too, (Really Sonic you just got dumped.) The issues saving grace is a cute side story with Amy Rose and Julie Su training together and some decent/good art overall.

Number 04 Knuckles the Echidna issue 32

Yes Knuckles does count as part of the Sonic series, and if the list would be Knuckles comic focused this would have been number one. Not only was this the last issue of probably the most boring arc I ever read It also nailed the coffin on the Knuckles series as it was canned after this issue. It introduced two very uncreative very Un-SegaSonic like characters: Monk and Hunter whose design and motivations are as generic as you can imagine. Ken Penders tries to make you feel for the Monk-character but I dont think anyone was convinced. I own this issue as well and HONESTLY I forgot I even read this issue as a child it was that forgettable, even in my Knucklesfangirl phase as soon as I finished reading the last 3 issues I forgot about it, It also doesnt help that the covers while nicely drawn by Galan were cluttered and too busy, Ken Penders did the book’s art and while he did a perfect job drawing Hunter his cartoon characters were always off-model and the way he draws large mangaeyes didn’t look well. In other words the art wasnt good either.

I only remember these issues  because of @hedgehogscantswim​ review, which I suggest you guys read into as they go into much greater depth on their blog on the flaws of the art, the character designs of Monk and Hunter and the overall big problem the last issue has.  

Number 3 Sonic issue 134

Oh Yeah let’s talk about the big one, let’s talk about the issue that caused many Sonic fans to drop the comic, lets talk about the issue that split the fanbase in half and what made the Sonic-Archie comics the laughing stock of Sonic spin offs for years to come until Ian Flyn joined and the much later soft-Reboot. If the Sally/Sonic/Mina love drama didn’t convince people that the comic had badfurryromance drama this issue sure did.

Sonic sacrificed himself in issue 125 to save the world,  but was transported to a different planet cause science, he survived and had space adventures with Aliens, met up with Tails parents somehow…(Really those issues are all a blur too me at this point.) he came back to Mobuis only to discover a year has passed since then, he reunites with his nowwithlonghair girlfriend Sally and by issue 125, Sally makes it clear to Sonic that she wants him by his side as she is sort-of forced by her parents to no longer be on the battle field. However Sonic cant possibly do that, he is the hero after all, he cant be tied down Sally clearry suffering from trauma after Sonic’s death begs him to stay by her side, Sonic  tearfully tells her he can’t and Sally takes Sonic’s rejection pretty well and says that she knows being a hero is in Sonic’s blood and decides to reject her parents wishes and join her boyfriend and the rest of her friends on the battle field.

No wait Never mind, she SLAPS him across the face and calls him Selfish and breaks up with him afterwards.

Not only did this issue came in the worst possible time when the Sonally/Sonamy ship wars was rampant in the Online Sonic fandom communities. The motivation and reason for Karl Boilers to do this was in such a bad taste as well. Karl who MOST Likely was aware of the growing popularity of the Sonamy ship and the hatred the sonamy fanbase had for Sally, from people calling her a marry sue, a slut because her lack of pants, ugly due to her brown color sceme, and other funny-horrible things because shipping is serious business, Probably wanted to win and be favored by a part of the Sonic fan base and had outlined plans to have Sonic and Amy Rose become an official couple in the comics. (Even if Karl wrote Amy Rose as a 10 year old mentally girl with a body of a 12 year old together with a 17 year old teen Sonic.) They had to become a couple. How to do this you ask? by breaking Sonic/Sally up and portraying  Sally out to be a selfish cunt of a woman, not only was this so disgustingly out of character and a slap to the face to the sonally and Sally fans, it was all to make the fans to transaction to the idea of Sonamy instead. It didnt help Sally’s position in the fanbase and she along with Chris and Elise would be among the list of the most hated characters where extreme Sonamy fanbrats now had valid proof on their side.It would take years for Sally to recover. To add insult to injury the only nice thing about the issue is the introduction of new artist John Gray (whose animish-cartoondisneyish style was colorful, pleasant and very pleasing to the eye! was more then needed at that time since the art quality standards was low back then. )John has stated he did NOT like working on this issue either due to the content and story. I am so thankful that Sally has been much better written for years now.

Number 02 Sonic Super Special issue 07 Crossover with Image Comics

Where to start with this, oh boy oh boy. I put this very high on the list because this has to be one of the worst crossovers spin ofss I have ever had the pleasure of reading. and I mean that the Powerrangers/TMNT crossover was more enjoybale that this mess. This is also very high on the list not only because the art was below average and many characters were off models but Mister Ken Penders used this crossover special to shoehorn his own ‘’characters’ from his comic book series the Lost Ones. (who btw got canned after only volume 01) his characters got the most attention out of everyone else. A image-comics with Sonic crossover already sounds sort of weird and silly but hey I am Spawn fangirl, I am intrigued. But I dont even get that.

(oh wait, this is fucking it, Spawn appears for about a page to say no to Sonic and then leaves thats it??) FOR FUCK SAKE….

Honestly @robotnikholmescomicblog​ gave this comic a great review and I suggest going to their tag of Ken-Penders-Why as they bring out most of the flaws of Ken Penders writing and they said it better then I ever will.

Overall the issue is just a mess, with shallowcheap cameos of image characters, Sonic and the freedom fighters being DICKS to most of the human characters for no reason, a very anti climatic ending and a giant commercial for Ken Penders doomed and boring characters that nobody gave a dam about) characters that he planned to use in ‘’The Lost ones’’ and Knuckles 20 years later. With a character hinting to become Knuckles’s greatest enemy yet with a very ugly boring design that could rivals Hunter. (btw none of these concepts go anywhere, Lost Ones was canned, and Knuckles 20 years later didnt come in fruition the way Ken Penders wanted.)

and number 5, worst issue Sonic issue 150


This is my most least favorite issues up to date and why you might ask

well for one thing the art is okay, I give it that but it doesnt even start with Sonic,

no we get a quick-reveal  of AntiSonic pretending to be the real Sonic flirting with all the girls in knothole

We get uncomfortable panels of Mina Mongoose almost cheating on her boyfriend with Sonic, Sonic and Bunnie making out and falling asleep next together, Sonic being creepy at Amy ect and none of the girls seem to realize that this is obvious not the real Sonic but ANti-Sonic. Everbody fails to notice that Sonic is  trying to flirt with all the girls he gets his eyes on. Only Tails seems to quistion it. Shows how much his own friends seem to know him. Or his own freaking family. The real Sonic is stuck in anti-mobuis and is busy trying to convince them that he is not AntiSonic, it’s very boring and dull. Also since the real Ant was stuck in anti Mobuis couldn’t he have tried to come back to his own world with Sonic? I dont know that just confused the heck out of me, The extra side story also doesn’t help, Its the conclusion to TailS ‘’the Chosen One’’ which was,,,pretty lame too with bland-art, and has the unfortunate of introducing the fanbase to the still-hilarious Titan Tails


(OHfuckmethat’sstupid.)

So the stories are stupid, the art is okay and lame. Why is it so high on the list?

It’s THE 150 anniversary issue and this is how Karl and Ken apparently wanted to celebrate it? It also doesn’t help that the cover is really underwhelming and boring compared to the 125th issue but that’s it’s least of its problems. A short while later Ian Flyn and Tracey joined the team and Ken and Karl left. For the better. But talk about a lame way to celebrate a 150th milestone. What a waste. 

Diversity in tumblr

I really love the diversity found within tumblr. You can find very specialised pages such as @rejectedprincesses, which push for the recognition of women, past and present, around the world. Or you can always delve into the depths of #langblr, where pages such as @meitianzhongwen actively share about her experience with mandarin.

Then you have those eye-pleasing pages such as @rosiitea (you’re still my fav btw), specialising in only pink pastels that give you never-ending posts to satisfy your pink pastel aesthetic needs.

I’m sure in this ever huge community, there’re some biology tumblr pages I have yet to find. Probably like those professional ones where people talk about new technology or bioethical issues, just to name a few.

Tumblr is not just a platform to satisfy fangirl needs just by following people you look up to like @danielhowell or @amazingphil or just to follow their fan pages such as @danandphilhq. It’s a seemingly small community with strangers coming together, sharing their interests and learning new things.

Not only that. It provides a platform to remind us users that we are not alone. @postitforward highlights the awareness of mental health and encourage people to move forward in their darkest times. I think it’s a very novel thing for whoever behind that blog to do.

And then there’s me. The person who shitpost and have random things on my blog cos I can’t decide what I want to do with it. But that’s okay. 

There’s still so many places I haven’t gone to within tumblr. But you know what?

I think this is what makes tumblr so wonderful.

Smoke Rising

a/n: hey look another 4/20 drabble, this time about my favorite (canon) pothead. Sidenote I find it easier to write for connor if I’m blasting Pinegrove. (10/10 would recommend this band btw)
summary: Connor smokes to cope. Sometimes it doesn’t help, sometimes it does. Most of the time it just numbs.
Warning: mental health issues, cannabis mention, drug use/abuse, it’s not happy, also another uneditted-raw draft
w/c:1357

‘He’s high again….’ 

‘Just leave him be. He’s not hurting anyone…’
‘Right, let him do drugs under our roof, do you hear yourself?!’
‘What else can we do? He’ll only do it behind our backs, outside of the house where he’ll get caught?’
‘Can you two just not– ‘
‘Cynthia, weed is not how we treat this.’
‘Then HOW do we treat this!?’

‘I don’t know.’

They don’t know.

They don’t know anything. They don’t know when this became their lives. When the black haired, bubbly, rosy cheeked infant they held in their arms. Their first born who tested all of their rules had suddenly veered so far off their family map he was nowhere to be seen. Nowhere to be found. Their son was lost under heavy clouds of strange, unexplained outbursts. He was muted under throat searing screams. Under hoarse threats and maddening, hair pulling cries, somewhere under all that Connor was there. Laying on his back, watching the world watch him deteriorate.

He was the mad man made of glass.

One day he was going to cut someone.
Or break apart.

No one dared stop him. No one dared tell him the weed didn’t help. Like he didn’t know that pot didn’t help. Most of the time pot was just made him tired enough to sleep. Most of the time pot just hung over his senses and made it easier. Easier to scream without feeling guilt. Easier to lash out without wondering why. Easier to make them cry without trying to figure out the words to apologize.

Weed didn’t help. Weed made him blind. Blind enough so he couldn’t see their terror filled eyes looking back at him.

Weed made him Deaf. Deaf enough so he couldn’t hear them try to reason and pull what was left of his sanity out.

Weed made him numb. Numb enough so nothing hurt. Zoe crying in her bedroom about how toxic these walls were before running off to a friend’s house for solace and sanctuary. Nope, that didn’t hurt. Not how he was tearing her world apart. Slowly, ripping the idea of ‘family’ right out of her heart. He was numb enough so he didn’t feel a thing listening to his parents fight and strain at their once loving marriage.

He was numb enough to pretend he wasn’t the catalyst of pain.

Connor sat up realizing he had been laying on his carpeted floor this whole time. He looked over at the clock, it was only four in the afternoon. “Shit…” He hissed, his mouth dry. His tongue felt like sandpaper against the roof of his mouth as he struggled to swallow. He tried to coax saliva out of his mouth but he was dry, like a desert. With one loud groan he rolled himself to his feet, Connor didn’t weight much in reality, but his body slumped, he hung his limbs like they were weighted down. He felt the weight of his world on his shoulders. Sluggishly he went to grab a cup of water on his night stand when someone knocked on his door.

“Connor…?” His mother’s voice was soft but to Connor she was loud enough to make his ears ring. “We’re going to have dinner soon, did you want to join us…today?”

Yes…No…his brain was like a wrecking ball in his skull.He felt it hurt from all sides, like it was trying to bust out. “No…” he mumbled through chapped, parched lips. He wanted peace…he wanted nothing.

“Connor…? Did you hear me?”
“Why do you bother, he never joins us for dinner”
“So, it doesn’t hurt to ask–”
“You’re wasting time–”

They were doing it again, Connor didn’t even have to speak and it was happening. Him just being there did this. Like an evil aura was seeping out of his pores, he couldn’t stop it. Even when he didn’t do a thing he couldn’t stop from upsetting the household. He couldn’t help it…he couldn’t stop it, he wanted to stop feeling so…

Helpless.

“SHUT THE FUCK UP” Connor roared, silencing the rambling of his parents anger spiked voices. “I don’t WANT fucking dinner, go to fucking hell! ALL OF YOU” He walked over to the door, stomping so they knew he was approaching. He could hear his mother’s soft gasp of terror as Connor kicked his door so hard his shoe went through it and got caught at the door. He yanked his foot back, whispers and sniffles were all that remained. He continued to steam in anger by the door until he head the pitter patter of their retreating footsteps.

He didn’t mean that.
He did it again.
He felt the thoughts rush down on him, they hated him. They hated him, he hated them? No he didn’t hate them. He wanted them to shut up. He wanted them to just live normally. He wanted them to stop looking at him like he was some feral animal. He wanted them to stop tiptoeing around, whispering, waiting, waiting for what?
What were they waiting for?

For Connor to snap? For him to do something he couldn’t undo? For him to—
He rubbed his hand over his neck and sighed. He couldn’t do this anymore, he didn’t want to care. Caring about what his family felt, what his family saw him as… it meant Connor had to look at himself and admit there was something irreversibly wrong with him. He rubbed his hands together. They were icy. He looked down at his pale, slender fingers and kept rubbing them. Naturally friction would warm him up. Nothing still, he rubbed and rubbed and his fingers were like ice. Ice that wouldn’t melt. They were dead cold…

His gaze went to his bedside drawer. A wooden piece of furniture that had deep etches along the surface were his nails had absently scratched and marked up. He pulled the top drawer and took out a bong that had been sitting there. He ran his hand down the glassy bowl, checking for any left over cannabis. He thumbed it a bit debating.

Connor always took a second to wonder, did this make it better?

No. It never did. It just made it easier for him to swallow. It made it easier for him to scream and lash out without feeling anything afterwards. It made the truth, that he was…whatever this was, and there was nothing he could do tolerable.

Connor lit one end of the bong and took long deep drags. He didn’t stop until his lungs pushed all the air out and replaced it with smoke. He didn’t stop until his head began to spin along with hisroom. Until the world was paper thin, 2-dimensional. He held it all in, slowly exhaling through his nose. The smoke wafted up and danced along the space between him and the ceiling. He flopped against his head, his eyes following the smoke. Fixated on the way it’s wispy body danced and coiled up, higher and higher until…Poof it vanished.

Just like that, it was gone.
So sound, no grand exit, it was gone.
His eyes searched for something else to anchor too while the drug invaded his mind and blocked out all sense of empathy. This family and their emotions were lost under a cloud of pot. Hushed over the smog of the suppressant drug. That didn’t make him better.

The weed sank him down into his bed. He felt stuck, even if he wanted to get up his body wouldn’t move. His mouth couldn’t muster a sound. He was frozen under his high haze for forever.

“…” He sighed and closed his eyes. He inhaled the weed scented air that still clung to his room and walls. “Just go away…” He groaned pulling the hoodie up to his head. His fingers grasped on the draw strings and tugged as hard as they could. The black hood shrank around his head and masked his eyes. Nothing but miles of darkness.

Nothing but an endless abyss.

Here he couldn’t hurt a soul. No one would look or cry. He could just sit here in this pit.

He could just…

okay so now that I’ve calmed down after my last rant about Spottedleaf’s Heart, I’m gonna give a calmer, less hectic overview of why I still can’t get behind it - and, like before, I’ll keep it under the cut (also I’m doing this without using xkit, and using a pretty iffy computer, so idk how well this will go)

please note: still a rant under the cut, spoilers for Spottedleaf’s Heart, my personal opinions, and possibly triggering content (also expect grammar/punctuation mistakes because this laptop is very slow and I type too fast)

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