this would be priceless

Suck it, ya filthy, fake Redcoat!

LTL, FTP and all that Jazz. Compared to some of the stories here mine is fairly tame, but considering my age at the time, the effort I had put into the whole affair and the resulting payoff, I would consider this pro enough to fit in here.

I’ve lived in Germany almost my entire life, yet through a twist of fate, I grew up learning the English language as a native speaker, since my father emigrated to Germany from the USA. As such, I’ve always had an American accent when speaking English and I’ve never met anyone who thought they felt the need to complain about it. Every time a teacher asked why I spoke English so well I replied that I am a US National by birth because my Father is from the US. All my teachers seemed quite impressed, except this one Hag, half a lifetime ago… If there ever was an award for creepy Anglophilia, she’d be neck deep in honors and certificates. Instead of encouraging me to speak more so that the other students could learn proper pronunciation from an actual native speaker, like many other English teachers at my school back then did, this woman thought it necessary to berate me for “speaking in such a horrible and filthy manner” and “cure [me] of that insufferable atrocity of an accent.” Mind you, these were actual quotes from this woman. My dad was no help at all. He was fairly ignorant about me being bullied by one of my own teachers, and even went so far as to yell at me to “suck it up and respect my elders”. So, yeah, I stuck it up. It didn’t help that I also wrote in American English (you know, color instead of color, tire instead of tyre, cookie instead of biscuit, that sort of thing) and the Hag had the audacity to write these “mistakes” up as double errors, meaning I got twice points deducted for spelling errors that weren’t even actual errors! I was so fed up with this woman and it wasn’t even two months into the school year.

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anonymous asked:

One of my fav Ziam moments that no matter how many times I watch I still chuckle is their 2011 interview with C. Moyles on the breakfast show. The look on Zayn's face when the interviewer asks Liam 'would he like to go for a drink later' is priceless!

oh my godd 😂 I had to watch through it again but the way zayn’s head snaps around so fast is comparable to niall when the interviewers mentioned rbb bears

I took sequential screenshots to add in but if anyone wants to watch it starts at 23:00 minutes with chris asking liam to go out for drinks

LOL ZAYNIE PLZ that last one he is so jealous and liam is playing along pretending to think about taking chris up on his offer (liam says yes) and it’s followed up with the other boys giving a “yeaaaaaah!” zayn’s yeah is unenthusiastic and peeved

9

Are you ready for a Hamilton/ In the Heights crossover?! I love these two musicals so much! In the Heights got me through high school and now Hamilton’s getting me through college, so this was just so much fun to draw out a couple of my favorite characters interacting with each other.

I have so many head cannons for this AU and didn’t even get through half of them in this post, so i’ll upload more of this AU soon. Also if you haven’t listened to Lin M.M’s In The Heights and if you love Hamilton then please, do yourself a favor and buy the album! It is amazing!!!

2

I passed by this house garden in Hebron, Palestine

Graffiti on the right is a quote from Amal Dunqul’s famous poem Do Not Reconcile:

Do not reconcile
even if they give you gold
I wonder
if I were to gouge out your eyes
and replace them with two gems
would you see?
These things are priceless.

Unexpected

Hii! I know it’s been long but I kinda got stuck with this one, so this time I took inspiration from real life here and there. Hope you like it!



“I don’t like you" she said bluntly, in the same tone as one would say "I bought a new shirt today”.

He blinked several times, taken aback by her statement. It was completely out of the blue… he was just talking about the new Fleetwood vinyl he got earlier that day, couldn’t see any reason why that would lead her to such emotion.
He knew he could be a bit boring sometimes, loosing himself in frivolous details, - the flat tone and all that - but still that didn’t seem to bother her the times the two of them had engaged a conversation.

“Whaa-?…why?“ He blabbered, very confused. She didn’t know why she said that, or better, she knew why but she didn’t mean to come off so brutal, and besides, it wasn’t properly necessary. She sipped on her drink and looked around the pub, avoiding his hard stare that was burning her left profile, she was trying to think about something to explain herself. Shit, she had this amazing talent to get herself in the loveliest situations.

“I don’t know… I guess you try too much?“ She said hesitant with a questioning tone, as to ask him confirmation, still not meeting his eyes.

“I try what too much?“ He asked back, starting to feel offended at that point.

"To be liked! You try too much to be liked, I guess… I never know if what you say is what you really think or what people want to hear… It’s fucked up man, that’s what it is… And for that, I don’t like you!" She rambled, not knowing how to word her thoughts properly and getting nervous.

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4

anonymous asked:

Alex Summers!!! Im still so salty about his death man ..... so bitter

Originally posted by shirokirito-sao

Prompt: “My parents are coming over in 10 minutes so please put some clothes on”

Character: Alex Summers

Warning: Alludes to sex


At 8 in the morning, after a long night, a long…naked…sweaty night you did not expect to unlock your phone to a text from your mother…saying that your parents were 10 minutes away and were coming to visit you at your apartment…on a Saturday just past 8 in the morning.

Any other morning that might have been fine. In fact it might have been most welcome. But this particular Saturday you had a naked and attractive stranger in your bed and 10 minutes to get him dressed and out of your apartment before your parents saw because the last thing you wanted was that awkward conversation…where your mother would assume he was a boyfriend and you’d have to explain you’d met him last night in a club.

The man in question, his name you seemed to recall was Alex, was still asleep in your bed and while you’d have liked to enjoy the morning with him and his very, very attractive body you couldn’t. 

You leant over and shook him away, more frantically than you’d have done any other day. 

“Hey?” He was still groggy and you really hated having to kick him out after such a fun night but you had to. You walked around the room and grabbed his clothes (he already had your number in his phone) and shoved them in his arms.

“My parents are coming over in 10 minutes so please put some clothes on and you might want to leave?” You have him the low down, pulling on some fresh underwear hastily and grabbing something to wear. 

“Or I could meet the parents.”

“Haha, very funny” You didn’t think he was serious, of course he wasn’t! What sort of person wants to meet the parents of the person the fucked after a drunk night (a fun night still)? 

“I’m serious…I could just pretend nothing happened, that I’m a ‘friend’” Thankfully he’s actually pulling his clothes on now and you’ve never been more grateful for clothing in your life because your mother would have a shock to find a naked man in your apartment. 

“Why would you do that?” 

“Because I really don’t want to rush out your door at what? 8 in the morning?” He looked at his phone before looking at you as if you had the final stay on whether he stayed or he went. 

“If you’re staying you’re making breakfast and small talk.” Part of you was somewhat giddy about the thought. Your parents would be priceless to find a man in your home and you’d get to spend more time with him…so long as they didn’t know what went on last night it might actually work out?

Lawfully Wedded...

i’ll blame this post and also myself for what follows.

(ao3)

“But—”

“No.”

“It would be hilarious—”

Still is no.”

“The looks on everyone’s faces—”

“I imagine look on your mom’s face and I think she murder me for agree to let you do this.”

“It is my wedding day—”

“Yes,” Alexei agrees. “Which is why we are not have priest say ‘Do you take this bae to be your lawfully wedded fam.’” He points at the screen of Kent’s phone, where the tweet that put this awful idea in Kent’s head is still on display. “Would be ridiculous.”

“If you loved me, you’d let me have this.”

Alexei smiles and draws him close. As expected, Kent melts against him, because Alexei is sturdy and warm, and knows that Kent’s greatest weakness is a cuddle. “I love you very much. Is why I want marry you. It’s very serious for me, to marry you. Don’t want make it joke.”

“God, fine.” Kent sighs dramatically. “At least admit that the look on Jack’s face would have priceless.”

Alexei pictures that and it drags a snort of badly muffled laughter from him. “Swoops would walk out.”

Kent outright laughs. “Oh god, he’d never forgive me. ‘Why’d you make me listen to that with my own two ears, Parse?’” His imitation of the long-suffering voice that Jeff Troy reserves solely for Kent’s shenanigans is perfect.

“Maybe we save for tenth anniversary, then? Renewal vows?”

Kent hides his face in Alexei’s neck. “You sure plan way in advance.”

“Mm. ‘Til death do us part.”

“Oh my god, stop, right now.”

Alexei hugs him. Kent stays where he is, tucked at Alexei’s side with his face hidden. Their silence is meaningful and heavy, but not suffocating. This kind of weight makes Alexei warm inside. It’s something he bears gladly, and will for the rest of his life.

After a bit, Alexei says, “Most people have sign on back of limo when they leave wedding, yes?”

“Yeah, ‘just married.’”

“Maybe instead, we have it say ‘squad goals.’”

Kent is quiet for two seconds… three… and then he whips his head up, grinning. “Alexei Mashkov, you are a fucking genius.”

The next five minutes are spent with Kent kissing Alexei within an inch of his life.

Posts on this hellsite dot com
  • <p> <b>Some blogger:</b> Hey look at that article ! [ Link / picture of an article where some dude gets any sort of social penalty because he was racist/homophobic/transphobic etc ] Looks like we got some justice! That's so cool!<p/><b>A dude with a pony icon who's probably wearing a fedora unironically in his moms basement:</b> Hm. How unsightly. Do you not think the reaction of the authorities in the situation was a little exaggerated ? Such drastic measures were not needed. Have they not considered the feelings of the so called aggressor ? I wouldn't expect you to understand... after all... you are a tumblrite...<p/></p>
Something To Talk About

Spencer Reid x Reader

“Aqua…. I need aqua!” You’d been dancing with your two best friends for the past thirty minutes and you desperately needed a drink. “You guys want anything?”

“Nah Y/N, we’re good.”

You weaved your way through the crowds to the bar seeing a familiar face at a table not too far away. Spencer Reid, accompanied by some friends.

Spencer often came into the book store you worked at, and after the first few transactions you’d started making conversation with him, you both bonding over your love of books.

You looked forward to his visits, he was one of the few guys that didn’t try to hit on you constantly, although he was also one of the few that you wouldn’t mind if he did.

Not wanting to interrupt, you caught Spencers eye, giving him a quick smile. Both him and the dark skinned male sat next to him smiled back, the other man nudging Spencer.

“Hey hey…. Guess someone’s seen something they like,” Derek nudged Spencer, eyeing up the cute girl who had just flashed him a grin.
“I am so gonna get myself some of that.”

“Who? The girl at bar?” Spencer knew she wasn’t smiling at Morgan, for once someone was smiling at him. He knew her outside of work, she worked at a little book store only a few streets away from his apartment. She was nice.

Once he’d actually plucked up the courage to start talking to her he’d discovered they shared a lot of similar interests. He’d spotted her dancing earlier with her friends but didn’t want to interrupt. Plus, he knew if the rest of the team saw him talking to a pretty girl he’d never hear the end of it.

Spencer watched as Morgan slid off his bar stool heading over to Y/N, the rest of the team’s eyes watching him to see if she’d be another notch added to his bed post.

He returned a few minutes later, “Chic says she’s got a boyfriend. Lucky guy, hitting that.”

Spencer laughed out loud. Y/N didn’t have a boyfriend. It was only yesterday he’d been talking to her when he’d gone to collect some books he had on order. He’d asked her what plans she had that weekend, and Y/N had responded that aside from seeing her friends tonight, her only other date was with Oliver.

“Oliver, your boyfriend?“ he’d tried to ask casually.

“Oh god no, he’s my cat. I’m single,” she’d chuckled.

Morgan had just been shot down, and that did not happen very often at all.

“What?” Morgan turned to Spencer.

“Nothing, just sounds like you’ve been fed a line,” Spencer smirked.

“Seriously kid? Pretty girl like that, of course she’s taken.”

Reid scoffed, glancing over at the bar where Y/N was in conversation with one of the female bartenders. They both glanced over at Derek and laughed. She looked again catching Spencer’s eye once more and raising her eyebrows at him and grinning.

“I definitely think you’ve just been shot down,” Spencer had an idea. One that he hoped would work, otherwise he’d end up looking foolish. Still if it did work the look on Morgan face would be priceless.

“You think you can do better Pretty Boy?”

“Actually yeah I do.”

The rest of the team looked on in disbelief as their resident genius downed his drink and hopped off his stool, pushing through the crowds.

Their jaws dropped even further when a few minutes later, the girl leaned upwards giving Spencer a quick peck on the lips before taking his hand and leading him through the crowds and out of the doors, Spencer glancing back giving Morgan a huge smirk as he did.

“What the actual f…..?” Morgan couldn’t believe it.

“Well looks like Reid’s actually getting some tonight. Don’t worry my chocolate thunder, I still love you.”

The rest of the team fell about laughing as Penelope tried to reassure him.

You saw Spencer making his way towards you as the guy he was with returned back to his seat.

You felt bad for telling him you had a boyfriend, but he really wasn’t your type. And you’d found that lying about having a partner was just easier than trying to think of some witty come back.

“Hey you,” you smiled at him when he was close enough to talk to.

“Hey Y/N.” He grinned back.

“Gotta be honest, wasn’t expecting to see you here Dr Reid.”

He shrugged, “I get dragged along with them sometimes. It’s alright.”

“So, take it he’s one of your teammates?” You nodded over to the table where Spencer had come from, the rest of the people there staring at you both with open mouths.

Spencer nodded at you, “Can I ask you a favour Y/N. You don’t have to….”

“Is it anything to do with the rest of your table who are looking over here like they’ve seen Elvis Presley and Marilyn Monroe?”

“Yep, Morgan said you’d told him you had a boyfriend and I may have laughed.”

“Cos you knew it was a lie.” You remembered your conversation from the previous day, pleased he’d remembered something you’d told him.

He nodded, “Morgan asked if I thought I could do better. Would you mind just walking out of here with me? If doesn’t have to be for long, just so I can see the look on Morgan’s face.”

“Providing you help me find a cab then I’m game.”

You were ready to go anyway, your feet hurting from the heels you were wearing. You pulled your cell out, texting the girls that you were leaving.

“Are you sure?”

“Yep, come on. Let’s give them something to talk about.”

You stood up, giving him a light kiss on his lips, barely touching him before grabbing his hand and leading him through the crowds.

Exiting the bar, you waited until you were a few doors down before you stopped walking, turning to Spencer and seeing the biggest grin on his face.

“Did you get what you wanted?”

“Yes oh my god, the look on his face was brilliant.” He laughed, his eyes crinkling and his face lighting up, “Thank you so much.”

“Happy to help. So now they all think you’re getting some right?”

Spencer nodded, “Yep and the fact that you shot Morgan down before me makes this a million times better. You’re awesome for playing along.”

“I know I am. Listen, I don’t actually live that far. Would you mind walking me? There’s a late night cafe open a few doors down from me. We could maybe get a coffee? Or you could come back to mine for a beer?” You took a chance, wondering if it would pay off.

Spencer looked surprised at your offer, before clearing his throat. “Erm sure. That sounds great.”

“Great.”

You started walking showing him the way, him offering his arm out like the perfect gentleman you knew he would be.

Slipping your arm through his you asked, “So the cafe or my place?”

“Whichever. Either is good with me?” He still sounded unsure.

“My place it is then.”

Maybe he was going to get some after all.

anonymous asked:

Imagine teasing Tom about how you would have beat him in Lip Sync Battle and you do a full lip sync/strip tease to Beyonce's Rocket. His reaction would be priceless omg

“Okay so you’re girlfriend is up next. Any idea what she’s going to be doing?” LL asked Tom. “No freaking clue man.”, “Well okay.”

The music started and you took your cue. Tom realized the song and blushed furiously as you swayed on stage. “Oh my God.” He wiped his forehead and watched you sexily act out the song. 

You turned to him and mouthed the words:

I just wanna show you now
Slow it down
Go around
You rock hard
I rock steady

Chrissy Teigen was fanning herself and clapping, “Yes bitch!” You walked over to Tom and pulled him out to the chair that sat center stage and gave him a full on lap dance.

“Wow, is that even safe for TV? I felt like we just intruded on a very private moment.” LL laughed after the song was over. 

Laito: Look, I made a to-do list. *hands over a piece of paper*

Yui: This just says “bitch-chan” on it.

Laito: I know.

anonymous asked:

ELEVEN JESUS YUURI THAT STAMINA :o thank you for answering and thank you for giving Yuuri his first heat partner, that boy seems to have pleased well ;D

HAHAHA Yeah, that’s the stamina he’s been talking about all this time. I’m pretty sure it was a fluke, though, because he was in a deep heat and it was his first time with a partner.

(Although the look on Victor’s face if he found out would be priceless. And to see what he might do to beat that record….. 😂)

BUT,

Okay, is it weird if I give a bit of meta about my own fic? (I feel like that’s weird, but I’mma do it anyway.) (I’ve put it under a cut so you don’t feel obligated to read.)

Keep reading

Priceless

I would like to request an imagine where the reader’s ex is Harry and she starts dating Draco and Harry finds out, lots of angst?

a/n- I seriously dislike how I wrote this, I think its so bad but I hope you don’t



If he were a bird, he’d be a hawk. Silent. Quick. Watchful. He views the world from the tips of his nose, eyes always evaluating. Slowly, he begins to evaluate her. 
Her name’s Y/n. She’s got h/c hair, e/c eyes, and skin as smooth as milk. He’s always been attracted to the strange and unusual. It’s odd how she dips out of the castle late at night. It’s curious, the way she hums a melody no one can place a finger on. It’s peculiar that she spends time in an abandoned classroom, an antique, muggle record player spinning an unknown vinyl. He’s intrigued. He’s fascinated, and when Harry Potter is fascinated, it’s a balanced mixture of adventure, with a fifty percent chance of disaster.
‘What’s that song?’ She spins around, hair falling in slow motion, as her lips pucker before parting. ‘It’s called Mr. Sandman.’ He nods, tentative steps guiding him towards her. She glances at him, her eyebrows drawn together with trepidation. ‘Why are you here?’ He smiles, lightly, taking a seat on a dusty desk. ‘I walk by this classroom every Thursday and Sunday, and have never found the will to walk in. I figured now was a good time.’ His kind, yet mysterious eyes found way to her’s, their pupils widening in mutual attraction. ‘I’m glad you did.’
The next day, they were walking hand-in-hand through the castle. Every girl was fuming and every boy was jealous, each student coveting the affairs of Y/n L/n and Harry Potter. However, he wasn’t the only boy fascinated by the secretive siren. 
The moon washed over her cheeks, blue and silver light finding way into her eyes. She sucked in a breath, dipping her toes into the lake. The iced chill climbed up her legs, residing in the pit of her spine. He hadn’t meant to notice her, she was Potter’s girl. Anyone stupid enough to hitch their wagon to the golden boy was of no interest to him. But her way about the world was to be studied. Everything she touched was carried like an artifact, her stance like a lost, Egyptian queen. He watched her body slink into the water, her knees, then hips, then elbows sinking with the ripples. ‘Are you just going to stand there and watch?’ His eyes widened, wondering when he found nerve to walk into the moonlight. ‘Yes.’ She smiled, resting her body against the grass as the waves swallowed her legs. ‘Don’t you just adore the midnight?’ He nodded, his mind lost while he sat next to her torso. ‘It’s a fine time of day.’ She began humming a faint tune, neither major nor minor, lost in a sea of thoughts. As the crickets filled the emptiness of the night, she spoke up, surprising him in a multitude of ways. ‘Do you think intrigue is equal to love? Or, is fame mutual to acceptance?’ He thought for a moment, before uncovering her true intention. ‘You aren’t in love with Potter.’ She heaved a sigh, before stretching her arms like a cat. ‘I don’t think I can love. At least, the doctors say I can’t.’ His lips parted, confused and dazed. Her eyes met his, a mellow smirk ghosting her expression. ‘I’m a diagnosed sociopath.’ He could tell he looked shocked, and alarmed, and scared, and addicted. She rolled over, her wet skirt sticking to her most vulnerable places. ‘I think it’s kind of impossible to love him.’ She picked at her nails. ‘But he is an awfully good shag.’ They met every night for the next six months. 
Over the summer, Y/n broke it off with Potter. Their candle burned out, desire no longer strong enough to bind them together. The same week she left Harry, she was in the Daily Prophet, spotted having a butterbeer with none other than Draco Malfoy, notorious bad guy. What the paper hadn’t mentioned was that Malfoy had just admitted his feelings. It was a mistake. He was a little bit tipsy, she was a little bit vulnerable, they were both a little bit horny. Clumsily apparating, they found themselves undressed in his bedroom, heavy panting and desperate clutches quivering in their bones. The day school began, it was the talk of the town. She was branded with the Malfoy seal, elite gems casually dangling from her neck, with expensive robes hugging her form. The Gryffindors were furious. Granger felt betrayed, Weasleys were preparing for war, but none of them could compare to Harry. Curses occupied his thoughts at all times, ways of revenge blocking his consciousness. He felt raped of love and affection. He began to wonder if she cheated while they were an item. Over the course of the next few years, spells and hexes and insults were hurled without reason, the houses more divided than any moment in the history of Hogwarts. Yet, nothing was like the day Harry heard of the wedding.
It was all over the Prophet. World leaders, Princes, Earls, Dukes, Lords, every high prospect of society gathered to the Manor to celebrate the betrothal of Malfoy and L/n, two respected families merging to form a union. He makes a decision: he will crash attend the engagement party. But, when Harry makes a decision, it’s a balanced mixture of adventure, with a fifty percent chance of disaster.
It’s easy for Draco to spot him across the hall. He’s underdressed, overly obvious, and not the least bit prepared for a brawl. He marches to the pile of black hair, ripping him from the crowd and launching him into the adjacent billiard room. ‘What on earth are you doing here, Potter?’ He’s fuming. Harry snarls, clenching his fists and adjusting his glasses. ‘I wanted to wish you both a wonderful wedding, is all.’ Draco scoffs, gripping his wand and making a show of it, too. ‘I suggest you leave before you make a scene, like you always do-’ ‘Aren’t you curious as to why she picked you?’ His snarl softened, ‘What are you on about?’ Harry chuckled, rolling a stray ball across the mahogany pool table. ‘I’m just saying, it’s a wonder why she chose an ex-death eater over me, you know? It’s a bit odd to think about-’ ‘What are you-’ ‘And it wasn’t the sex. Because the sex was definitely good. So if I could have given her the great sex, and the good, comfortable life, why in the bloody hell would she choose you?’ Draco began shaking, out of rage, and sadness, and fear. ‘S-She loves me. She loves me, and she never loved you-’ ‘SHE CAN’T LOVE!’ The world stopped. Malfoy swallowed, his wand losing balance in his fingertips. ‘You’re wrong, she-’ ‘She doesn’t love you, Malfoy. She loves your money, and status, and your power. She can’t love you.’ Letting a tear slip, he took a step forward, face inches apart from Harry’s. ‘Leave. Now. Go, before I crucio you into oblivion.’ Although Potter left without another word, his dialogue remained floating in Draco’s head. Yet, when he saw his bride glide towards the altar, all insecure thoughts vanished with a puff. Y/n watched with a smile as her future husband sniffled with glee. She lifted a calm hand to her collarbone, faintly touching her priceless jewels, reminding herself one more that she was marrying the money, and not the man.