this will never not break my heart

anonymous asked:

I had this sudden idea , i dont really headcanon it but it seemed interesting to me , what if lance is adopted, its not really likely but maybe thats why he cherishes his family, i mean its not likely but it seems interesting,

[fandom exists to enjoy things - seriously, it doesn’t matter how likely an idea is to be canon, you are here to explore things and play with the characters you’ve come to know and love. so never hesitate to send us an ask, no matter how (un)likely it seems to be, we’re open for everything^^]


Imagine tiny, 3 years old Lance in an orphanage with next to no memories of his real parents. And he’s getting along fine with the other kids, he isn’t the most popular but not the most unpopular either, but he doesn’t have real friends. Sure, there is always someone to hang out and have fun with, but no one he can come to when he’s crying over the hurt bird he found in the backyard. Crying is looked down upon - everyone has a hard life, so what business does he have crying about anything? Learn to grow up.

So young Lance learns. He learns to smile and tease and be happy and outgoing. He learns to be confident and radiate positive energy because that’s what makes people want to stick around. When he is 7 years old, he knows how to be a “cool kid”.

A year later he gets put into a foster family. A foster family with lots of other children, all older than him. They are happy and outgoing and touchy and love to hang out with him. 

[Once, just once he tested how far this love would go: he pretended to have a stomachache. His foster parents were so worried for him that they forbade him to go to school, his siblings brought him crackers and kept him company in his room while he ‘rested to get better’. His grandma went out and bought new medicine, ‘just in case it might get worse’. For Lance, it was heaven - he thought that these people might really become “family”. People that maybe, one day, he could share secrets with and depend on.]

The first time he cries is when he gets adopted into the family. He is 10 years old then; he is 10 years old and loved and knows that these people want him. 

When his family sees him crying, their reaction is not the friendly teasing he anticipates. It’s shocked faces and hugs and reassurances and, finally, laughter when he admits that he is just so happy that he couldn’t help himself. He gets his hair ruffled and arms arounds his shoulders - and when they take their picture with a “612 days in foster care: now we are one family” shield held up by him and his siblings, he later discovers that he wasn’t the only one that had tears in his eyes.

They move to the US. The first months are harsh; he has learned some English in school but it wasn’t nearly enough to keep up with the kids over here. And the first time he cries because of insults getting hurled his way, his mother comes and envelops him in a hug.

A hug.

No one laughs about his tears anymore. No one puts their image above anyone’s feelings and for the first time Lance really understands what it means to have a family. He vows to protect them all and help them in any way he can. He cooks with his mom; he talks about planes with his dad; he knits with his grandma; he does face masks with his sister; he learns how to play soccer with his brother. Once a week, they all go swimming together - they all miss the ocean. They all miss their home in Cuba.

When a few years later the topic of adoption comes up again, Lance is the first one to say “yes”. His parents look at him in surprise and for the first time ever he really tells everyone how much becoming part of their family means to him. It’s an emotional event and more than one of them ends up crying. But it’s okay: it’s okay because crying is not a bad thing here, they are family, they are each other’s support, they have hugs and shoulder pats and cuddle piles. It’s okay.

A few months later, they adopt two new children. Lance is happy and proud and makes sure to be the best big brother anyone could ever ask for. He teaches them how to tie their shoes, how to sneak out of the house, how to whistle and how to properly throw a ball. 

Not even a month later, he goes on a school trip to a planetarium. It’s when he realizes that he wants to become a pilot - he wants to reach for the stars. He wants to fly and reach for the stars and be free of judgement. He wants to fly and have a home to come back to.

When he excitedly tells his family about it, they cheer for him and support him. They help him look for programs to get into flight schools, his father lends him all the plane magazines he has, they buy glow-in-the-dark paint and paint his bedroom ceiling. They help him with his grades to get him into the Garrison flight program and when he gets accepted, they have a huge celebration party in his honor.

He never forgets the picture they made at the airport, all together, waving him goodbye.

[He misses their hugs.]

[He misses their hugs just like he misses the ocean.]

[He misses their hugs, he misses the ocean, he misses home - but over time he comes to realize that he has found a new family. A smaller one than before but one that’s just as lively, just as fun. He still misses them, of course; but this new family makes the distance between them much more bearable.]

-mod: happylance

Under the Stars Part 3

My children are the reason that I smile, that I laugh, that I cry. They are my happy place, my frustration, they are what make my heart beat and sometimes break. My children are my everything.

Lola McClain was a strong woman. She had endured raising eight rambunctious children in a small house with just enough to get by. She had sacrificed so much of her life for her children’s happiness, she had given up a chance at a career and following her dreams when she had fallen pregnant with her eldest Savana. She never regretted her choices that had led up to that moment, she loved her children and husband.

When Elisa was born two years later, Lola had turned to her husband Francisco and swore she would do everything in her power to protect their small family. He had looked at her with admiration in his eyes as she held their youngest daughter while Savana slept in the arms of her grandparents. He told her that he already knew that nothing would ever come between Lola and her children.

When she had fallen pregnant with Lance things felt different for Lola. She knew that this child would be special, that they would do something amazing with their life. When Lance was only a few hours old he held her fingers and looked up at her with those ocean blue eyes and she saw the wonder in them, the need for adventure and to discover new things.

Alysa and Diego were next, bringing a set of twins into the now cramped house they were living in caused a lot of issues. They now had five children under the age of six and Lola was starting to feel the stress of trying to provide for her family as Francisco’s wage from the factory could only stretch so far.

They moved to a new house six months later when Savana started school and honestly Lola was glad for the change. They now had more rooms so that the children could have their own space and Lola and Francisco were closer to his parents who could now come over every day and help with the growing pack of children.

In the following 5 years Jaideyn, Markos and Riza were all born and Lola finally put her foot down and said no more. Eight children under the age of eleven was more than plenty in her book and Francisco sheepishly agreed. Their lives were peaceful, the children were happy, Lola started working part time again once the smaller ones were less dependent on her and things were starting to come good.

What none of them had seen coming was an incident that almost completely tore them apart. When the message had come through that Lance had been killed in a training accident at the Garrison, Lola felt her heart break. Her child, the one that had found his dream and chased it, the one that had spent his entire childhood helping her in any way he could, was dead. She refused to believe it, she had screamed at Francisco when he held her and told her what had happened. Why had someone taken her baby away from her? How could they be so cruel?

In the aftermath of the funeral, Lola had stopped going to work, Francisco tried his hardest to help but he was grieving to for his eldest son. Savana had stepped up to take her mother’s place in the family, making sure the smaller children got to school, working two jobs to help make ends meet. Lola would spend her days on the beach, watching the water that Lance had loved so much wash against the sand and drag it away. She wished that one day it would take her with it that maybe she could see her dear one again but even in her grief she knew she couldn’t do that to the others.

It took a few years but Lola was able to return to work. By now even Riza had started high school and Lola made a point that every year on the day of his death, she would take a wreath of brightly coloured flowers to Lance’s favourite spot on the beach. She smiled, he thought that no one knew about it but Lola did. She had watched him sneak away for years with a smile on his face as he raced down to the water’s edge and watch the stars at night.

It was the sixth anniversary of Lance’s death when something changed. She had made her way down to the water, flowers in hand and as she knelt in the sand she allowed herself to cry, to mourn for her lost child. What she hadn’t expected was to be disturbed by a man who had looked so much like her and Francisco.

“Mama? What’s wrong?”

Lola’s eyes widened as she took in his appearance, he was tall and lanky, his face worn by age but the eyes. Oh merciful gods above, the eyes, they were still as crystal blue as the day he was born.

“Lance?” she called as she dropped the flowers she had been clutching as she rose to her feet and moved to embrace her son, the child she thought she had lost all those years ago.

“Hi mama, I’m back.”

anonymous asked:

If they never intended to make Johnlock canon, then I want them to fucking own it b/c their words don't match their actions. Ik they've mentioned many times that it won't happen, but they lie, so I want it to be shut down on the actual show. I want John to explicitly say I'm straight instead of I'm not gay, and I want either or both to successfully have a romantic relationship. It'll break my heart, but that's better than having false hope. Anyways, sorry for the rant. Thx for listening Steph 💛

Hey Nonny!

I think you share the same sentiments as many other people do, and no worries about the rant <3 I also want some sort of closure as well, especially since they opened up the “romantic entanglements would complete you” can of worms in TLD and then never followed through with clarifying it on a textual level. Season four feels like a lot of “unfinished business”, and the fact that they made it feel like a finale for the series is why a lot of people have issues with it, because it was a poor ending to a fantastic series, and tried to convince us that Mary was an essential part of the group (she really wasn’t). And say whatever you want about the ending montage; Mary’s voiceover actually ruined it, and it’s all left ridiculously ambiguous so *shrugs*. I don’t know. I think I feel the same as you, Nonny.

Irreverent Heart

My heart is like the willow
That bends, but never breaks.
It sighs when summer jilts her,
It sings when April wakes.

So you, who come a-smiling
With summer in your eyes,
Think not that your beguiling
Will take me by surprise.

My heart’s prepared for aching
The moment you take wing.
But not, my friend, for breaking
While there’s another spring.

So share my summer pillow,
Don’t spare my autumn aches;
My heart is like the willow
That bends, but never breaks.

anonymous asked:

My first love almost killed me. I was on the edge before I met her and she saved me. But then she left. I still think about her a lot. The thoughts drive me mad. But the worst of it is over, and all I'm left with is pleasant memories, and now I think I'm a better man. I will always love her. Even if she did break my heart and drive me into the ocean. I still love her. And I will never try to drown again.

This is beautiful. 

anonymous asked:

what are your thoughts on mark in twttin

I love him and he deserved so so so much better. He was just a kid in a shitty situation who had never been given any real guidance in his life. He needed help. And the one person he loved and trusted turned his back on him and he never got a chance to make up for the mistakes he made when he was so young, and that just breaks my heart.

I’m never going to know what happens to Wolfgang

I’m never going to watch my sweet child Sun avenge her father’s death and be free from the hell life she’s living on the run

I’m never going to know Hernando and Dani’s reaction to Lito’s cluster 

I’m never going to be able to attend the Nominita wedding

I’m never going to see Kala fight for what she really wants and break free from feeling bad about breaking Rajan’s heart 

I’m never going to see Capheus make everyone so proud when he wins the elections and does what’s best for the people who aren’t accounted for 

I’m never going to watch Will rest for two seconds without worrying about Whispers and BPO ruining everyone’s lives 

I’m never going to watch Riley, sweet Riley, be at peace finally 

I’m not going to see anymore badass and cool inter-cluster fights 

Most of all, I’m going to not be able to find new ways in which I can deeply connect with such intricate and beautifully written characters. I’m absolutely broken. You done messed up, Netflix. 

And someone asked about you.

I told them I loved you.
But I didn’t tell them that you still had me even if I don’t have you.

Goodness, did I love you.

—  No One Told Me Remembering Is Worse Than Forgetting
Why is it that
we doubt ourselves
when someone
hurts us?
Why is it that
we wonder where
we went wrong
instead of where
they went wrong?
Why is it that
we let them
define us so easily
and we don’t
blame them for
what they’ve done
to us?
Why is it that
we are willing
to believe
it was our fault
for being too much
too loving
too caring
too clingy
to attached
too naive
whatever the hell
they say?
—  excerpt from a book I’ll never write #66
What sucks is to watch yourself slowly fall back into old habits that you’ve tried a million times to break. It’s like every time I find myself climbing out of this deep hole, I slip right back in. Why am I such a failure?