this will be stuck in my head all day tomorrow i can feel it

I’m so stuck in my head I don’t even feel like I have a body. I haven’t felt OK in a couple of days and I feel so overwhelmed by everything. I’m starting to really hate who I am again and the thoughts I have and I can’t control them. I have so much work to do on myself before I’m ok and sometimes I just think is it even worth it. How am I suppose to function around people who don’t understand how horrible I feel and how I can be ok one day and tomorrow I can want to die that I’m actually scared of what I’ll do. I don’t feel like people around me understand this. I feel like I’m in my head so much and no one around me understands or cares. People around me say I complain too much and ask me if I’m going to be depressed tomorrow. I don’t feel like my feelings and emotions are validated at all. I don’t feel like anyone cares tbh (irl people). I feel like I’m going crazy. Why can’t I just be ok. Why can’t I just have that. I’m trying to hard and working every day to be fucking positive but it’s not enough. I don’t feel like it will ever be enough. Why is this happening. Should I just hid away and never see anyone around me. I’m so embarrassed about the emotions and feelings that I have. I don’t feel like anyone takes me seriously. I am dramatic in my everyday life but when it comes to this there’s no dramatizing it. Yet people tell me to stop being dramatic. I don’t know what to do. No one understands. No one cares. Why do I bother trying. I honestly hate myself and my stupid brain. These feelings and emotions are not ok I don’t want to think like this. I want to be ok when I wake up in the morning and look forward to my day like I used to. But now if I do then my mood just goes down. Why. Why is this happening now. I just want to be ok. I don’t even know who I am anymore.