this was the first big brother that i have actually voted for

Full Script: History of Japan

 Japan is an island by the sea filled with volcanoes and it’s ♫beautiful♫

In the year -1,000,000,000, Japan might not have been here. In the year -40,000, it was here and you could walk to it; and some people walked to it. Then, it got warmer, some ice bergs melted, it became an island, and now there’s lots of trees because it’s warmer.

So now, there’s people on the island. They’re basically sort of hanging out (in between the mountains), eating nuts off trees, and using the latest technology like stones and bowls.

Ding dong. 

It’s the outside world and they have technology from the future like really good metal and crazy rice farms. Now you can make a lot of rice really really quickly. That means if you own a farm, you own a lot of food. Which is something everybody needs to survive. So that makes you king. 

Rice farming and rice kingdoms spread across the land all the way to here. The most important kingdoms were here, here, here, here, here, here, and here. But this one was the most most important. Ruled by a “heavenly superperson” or (emperor) for short. 

Knock knock. Get the door, it’s Religion.

The new prince wants everyone to try this hot new religion from baekje. 

“Please try this religion.” he said. 

“No.” said everybody. 

Try it” he said. 

No.” said everybody again, quieter this time. 

And so, the religion was put into place and all of the rules that came with it. 

Then, the government was taken over by another clique, and they made some reforms like making the government govern more, and making the government more like China’s government, which is a government that governs more.

“Hi, China.” They said.

“Hi, dipshitsaid China.

“Can you call us something else, other than ‘dipshit’?” said Japan.

“Like what?” said China. 

♫How about sunrise land?said Japan.

And they stole China’s alphabet and wrote a book. About themselves. And then they made lots of poetry and art and another book about themselves. Then, they stopped moving the capital every time the emperor died and kept it in one place for a while. Right here. And they conquered the north, finally. Get that squared away. 

A rich hipster named Kukai is bored with modern buddhism, visits China, and learns a better version which is more ♫spiritual♫, comes back, re-invents the alphabet, and causes art and literature to be ♫great for a long time. And the royal palace turned into such a dream world of art that they really didn’t give a shit about running the country. 

So if you live outside the palace, how are you supposed to protect your shit from criminals

♫Hire a samurai

Everyone started hiring samurai. 

  • *Rich important people hired samurai. 
  • *Poor people who could not afford to hire samurai did not hire samurai.

The samurai became organized and powerful; more powerful than the government. So they made their own military government here. They let the emperor still be “emperor”, but the shogun is actually in control. 

Breaking news. The Mongols have invaded China.

“W̖͖̣̬̰̮͐ͯͩ̔͊e̥̜͕̱̝̓ͅ'̇ͪͫͮ́̈́v̞̼͍̿̋͌ê͓̜͎̪̼̻̦̆ i͈̣̬̘n͖̹͈̫͚͎͇͊ͬv̮͈͕͚͔͆́̌͊̀a̦̓d͆̄̄͊̃ͦ͒ḛ̖̮̭̦̗̾̈́̃ͪ̈́d̐ͧ C̘͒͑̃͒ͥ̚h̻̖̯̝̠̩͎̎̉̓̿̂̈́i̫͎̬͈̎̿̈́̆̄ͭn͙̮͉̖̑͛̿͗̚a͙̼͆.͈͇̠͖̭͎͍ͧ̆̍̆̂̆”said the Mongols. 

“Please respect us, or else we might invade you as well.”

“Okay.” said Japan. 

So the Mongols came over, ready for war, and died in a tornado. But they tried again, and had a nice time fighting with the Japanese, but then died in a tornado. Then, the emperor overthrows the shogun. Then, the shogun overthrows them back, and moves to Kyoto and makes a new shogun. And the emperor can still dress like an emperor if he wants, that’s fine. 

♫Now there’s more art

Painting with less colors. Collaborative poetry. Plays. Monkey fun. Tea parties. Gardening. Architecture. Flowers. 

It’s time for who’s going to be the next shogun?

Usually, it’s the shoguns kid, but the shogun doesn’t have a kid. So he tries to get his brother to quit being a monk and be the next shogun. He says, “Okay.” But then the shogun has a kid. So now, who’s is going to be? Vote now on your phones. And everyone voted so hard that the palace caught on fire and burned down. The shogun actually didn’t care. He was off somewhere doing poetry. And the whole country broke into pieces.

Everyone is fighting with each other for local power, and it’s anybody’s game.  

Knock knock. It’s Europe.

No, they’re not here to take over. They just want to sell some shit like clocks and guns and ♫Jesus♫. So that’s cool, but everyone’s still fighting each other for control. Now with guns. And wouldn’t it be nice to control the capital? Which right now is puppets, with no one controlling them. 

This clan is ready to make a run for it. But first, they have to trample this smaller clan which is in the way. Surprise. The smaller clan wins, and the leader of that clan steals the idea of invading the capital, and invades the capital. And it goes very well. He’s about halfway through conquering Japan when someone who works for him kills him. And then someone else who works for him kills them. And that guy finishes conquering Japan. And then he confiscated everybody’s swords, and made some rules. 

“And now I’m going to invade Korea and then hopefully China.” he said. 

And failed.

And also died.

Before he died he told these five guys to take care of his five year old son until he’s old enough to be the next ruler of Japan. And the five guys said, “Yeah, right. It’s not gonna be this kid. It’s gonna be one of us because we’re grownups.” And it’s probably gonna be this guy, who happens to be way more rich and powerful than the others. A lot of people support him, but a lot of people support not supporting him. They have a fight and he wins and starts a new government right here. 

♫~Edo~

And he still lets the emperor dress like an emperor and have very nice things. But don’t get confused; this is the new government and they are (very strict). So strict, that they closed the country. No one can leave, and no one can come in, except for the Dutch, if they want to buy an sell shit. But they have to do it right here

Now that the entire country was not at war with itself, population increased a lot. Business increased. Schools were built. Roads were built. Everyone learned to read. Books were published. There was poetry, plays, sexy times, puppet shows, and Dutch studies. 

People started studying European science from books they bought from the Dutch. We’re talking geography, skeletons, physics, chemistry, astronomy, and maybe even electricity.

Over time, the economic and cultural prosperity began to gradually slow down. 

Knock knock. It’s the United States. 

With huge boats (with guns). Gunboats. 

Open. The country. Stop having it be closed.” said the United States.

There’s really nothing they could do, so they signed a contract that lets the United States, Britain, and Russia visit Japan anytime they want. Choshu and Satsuma hated this. 

“That sucks.” they said.

This sucks!”

And with almost very little outside help, they overthrew the shogun, and somehow, made the emperor, the emperor again, and moved him to Edo, which they renamed, “Eastern Capital.” They made a new government, which was a lot more western. They made a new constitution, that was pretty western. And a military that was… Pretty western. 

And do you know what else was western? That’s right, it’s conquering stuff. So, what can we conquer? Korea. They conquer Korea, taking it from its previous owner, China, and then go a little bit further, and Russia rushes in out of no where and says, “Stop. No, you can’t take that. We were gonna build a railroad through here to try to get some warm water.” 

And Russia builds their railroad, supervised by a shit ton of soldiers. And then, when the railroad was done, they downgraded to a fuck ton. Did I say “downgrade”? I meant “upgrade.” 

And Japan says:

Can you maybe chill?

And Russia says:

“How about maybe you chill?”

Japan is kind of scared of Russia. You’ll never guess who’s also kind of scared of Russia. Great Britain. So Japan and Great Britain make an alliance together so they can be a little less scared of Russia. Feeling confident, Japan goes to war against Russia, just for a moment, and then they both get tired and stop. 

♫~It’s time for World War 1~

The world is about to have a war. Because it’s the 1900s and weapons are getting crazy. And all these empires are excited to try them out on each other. Meanwhile, Japan has been enjoying conquering stuff and wants m̞͇̲̗̖̥͚̬o̬̹͖̜ͅr̞̫͚e̲̹͉̩ and the next thing on their list is this part of China and lots of tiny islands. 

All that stuff belongs to Germany, which just had war declared on by Britain, because Britain was friends with Belgium, which was being trespassed by Germany in order to get to France to kick France’s ass because France was friends with Russia, who was getting ready to kick Austria’s ass because Austria was getting ready to kick Seriba’s ass because someone from Serbia shot the leader of Austria’s ass. Or, actually, shot him in the head. And Britain was currently friends with Japan, so you know what that means. Duh.

♫Japan should take the islands♫

Which, they wanted to do anyways. So they called Britain on the tele to sort of let them know. And then they did it. And they also helped Britain a little here and there with some errands and stuff. 

Now the war is over and, congratulations, Japan. You technically fought in the war, which means you get to sit at the negotiating table with the big dudes, where they decided who owns what. And, yes, Japan gets to keep all that shit they stole from Germany. You also get to join the post-war mega alliance.

♫The League of Nations

Whose mission statement is to try not to take over the world. 

The Great Depression is bad, and Japan’s economy is now crappy. But the military is doing just fine, and it invades Manchuria, and the League of Nations is like:

No, don’t do that, if you’re in the League of Nations you’re not supposed to take over the world!”

And Japan is like:

♫~ How about I do, anyway?~

And Japan invaded more and more and more of China and was planning to invade the entire east.

You’ve got mail. 

It’s from Germany. The new leader of Germany. He has a cool mustache, and he’s trying to take over the world and needs friends. This also got forwarded to Italy. They all decided to be friends because they had so much in common. 

♫~It’s time for World War 2~

Germany is invading the neighbors, then they invade the neighbors neighbors, then the neighbors neighbors neighbors who happen to be Britain said, “Holy shit♫" And the United States started helping Britain because they are ♫Good friends♫. And started not helping Japan because their friends and our friends are not friends. Plus they’re planning on invading the entire ocean♫. The United States is also working on a large, very huge bomb, bigger than any other bomb, ever. Just in case. But they still haven’t joined the war. War looks bad on T.V., and the United States is really starting to care about their image. But then Japan spits on them in Hawaii, and challenges them to war. And they say, “Yes.” And then Germany, as a symbol of friendship, declares war on the Unites States also. 

So the United States goes to war in Europe and they help the gang chase Germany back into Germany and they also start chasing Japan back into Japan, and they haven’t used the bomb yet and are curious to see if it works. 

So they drop it on Japan. 

They actually drop two.

United States installed a new government inspired by the United States government, with just the right ingredients for a ♫post-war economic miracle♫. And Japan starts making T.Vs, V.C.R.s, automobiles, and camcorders, as fast as they can, and also better than everybody else. 

They get rich and the economy goes wild. And then the miracle wears off. But everything’s still pretty cool, I guess. 

♫Bye.

Constellations (M)

Summary: He was the president of one of the most notorious fraternities on campus. You had expected him to be the same as his other brothers – a sex-crazed, binge drinking maniac… But the truth ended up surprising you – in more ways than one.

Genre/Warnings: College!AU, Fratboy!Namjoon. It’s pretty much all fluff up until the smut part… Then my trash self happened and added some dirty talking and teasing, along with slightly rough sex. There’s also swearing.

Word Count: 10.7k. (is it too late now to say sorry?)

A/N: IT’S FINALLY DONE!!! I spent the whole fucking day writing this fic and it is now 2:30 A.M and I’m fucking exhausted. I love this fic so much, okay. It literally feels like I put my entire fucking soul into this (although that might just be the sleep talking lol) but I hope you guys like it!!!

Keep reading

psychic: reads my mind
me: japan is an island by the sea filled with volcanoes and it’s ♫ beautiful ♫ in the year negative a billion japan might not’ve been here. in the year negative 40,000 it was here. and you could walk to it. and some people walked to it. then it got warmer, some icebergs melted, it became an island and now there’s lots of ~trees~ (because it’s warmer.) so now there’s people on  the island, they’re basically sort of hanging out in between the mountains eating nuts off trees and using the latest technology. like stones. and bowls. ding dong, it’s the outside world and they have technology from the future. like really good metal. and crazy rice farms. now you can make a lot of rice really really quickly. that means if you own the farm, you own a lot of food, which is something everybody needs to /survive/. so that makes you king. rice farming and rice kingdoms spread across the land, all the way to here. the most important kingdoms were here, here, here, here, here, here and here. but this one was the most most important, ruled by a “heavenly superperson”, called emperor for short. knock knock. get the door, it’s religion. the new prince wants everyone to try this hot new religion from baekje. “please try this religion,” he said. “no,” said everybody. “try it,” he said. “no,” said everybody again, quieter this time. and so the religion was put into place, and all the rules that came with it. then the government was taken over by another clique, and they made some reforms, like making the government govern more, and making the government more like china’s government, which is a government that governs more. “hi china,” they said. “hi dipshit,” said china. “can you call us something else, other than dipshit?” said japan. “like what?” said china. “♫ how about sunrise land? ♫” said japan. and they stole china’s alphabet and wrote a book. about themselves. and then they made lots of poetry and art and another book about themselves. then they stopped moving the capital every time the emperor died and kept it in one place for a while. right here. and they conquered the north finally, get that squared away. a rich hipster named kukai is bored with modern buddhism, visits china and learns a better version which is more ~spiritual~ comes back, reinvents the alphabet and causes art and literature to be ~great~ for a long time. and the royal palace turned into such a dream world of art that they really didn’t give a shit about running the country. so if you live outside the palace, how are you supposed to protect your shit from criminals? ♫ hire a samurai ♫ everyone started hiring samurai. (correction: rich important people hired samurai. poor people who could not afford to hire samurai did not hire samurai.) the samurai became organized and powerful, more powerful than the government. so they made their own military government, here. they let the emperor still be “emperor”, but the shogun is actually in control. BREAKING NEWS the Mongols have invaded China. “we’ve invaded china,” said the mongols. “please respect us, or else we might invade you as well.” “okay,” said japan. so the mongols came over, ready for war, and died in a tornado. but they tried again, and had a nice time fighting with the japanese but then died in a tornado. then the emperor overthrows the shogunate, then the shogunate overthrows him back and moves to kyoto and makes a new shogunate. and the emperor can still dress like an emperor if he wants, that’s fine. ♫ now there’s more art ♫ like painting with less colors, collaborative poetry, plays, monkey fun, tea parties, gardening, architecture, flowers. it’s time for who’s going to be the next shogun? usually it’s the shogun’s kid. but the shogun doesn’t have a kid, so he tries to get his brother to quit being a monk and be the next shogun. he says ok. but then the shogun has a kid. so now who’s it gonna be? vote now on your phones. and everyone voted so hard that the palace caught on fire and burned down. the shogun actually didn’t care, he was off somewhere doing poetry. and the whole country broke into pieces. everyone is fighting with each other for local power, and it’s anybody’s game. knock knock. it’s europe. no, they’re not here to take over (yet) they just wanna sell some shit. like clocks. and guns. and ~jesus~. so that’s cool, but everyone’s still fighting with each other for control. now with guns!! and wouldn’t it be nice to control the capital, which right now is puppets, with no one controlling them? this clan is ready to make a run for it, but first they have to trample this smaller clan which is in the way. surprise, the smaller clan wins, and the leader of that clan steals the idea of invading the capital, and invades the capital, and it goes very well. he’s about halfway through conquering japan when someone who works for him kills him, and then someone else who works for him kills them. and that guy finishes conquering japan. and then he confiscated everybody’s swords and made some rules. “and now i’m going to invade korea, and then hopefully china,” he said and failed, and also died. but before he died, he told these five guys to take care of his 5 year old son until he’s old enough to be the next ruler of japan. and the five guys said “Yeah, Right. it’s not gonna be this kid. it’s gonna be one of Us. cuz we’re /grownups/.” and it’s probably gonna be this guy who happens to be way more rich and powerful than the others. a lot of people support him, but a lot of people support not supporting him. they have a fight, and he wins, and starts a new government, right here ~Edo~ and he still lets the emperor dress like an emperor and have very nice things. but don’t get confused. this is the new government, and they are very strict. so strict they closed the country. no one can leave, and no one can come in. except for the dutch, if they want to buy and sell shit, but they have to do it right here. now that the entire country was not at war with itself the population increased a lot. business increased, schools were built, roads were built, everyone learned to read, books were published, there was poetry, plays, sexy times, puppet shows, and dutch studies. people started to study european science from books they bought from the dutch. we’re talking geography, skeletons, physics, chemistry, astronomy, maybe even electricity. over time, the economic and cultural prosperity began to gradually slow down- knock knock. it’s the United States. with huge boats. (with guns) (gunboats) “open the country. stop having it be closed.” said the united states. there’s really nothing they could do, so they signed a contract that lets united states, britain and russia visit japan anytime they want. choshu and satsuma hated this. “that sucks.” they said. “this sucks!!!!” and with almost very little outside help, they overthrew the shogunate, and somehow made the emperor the emperor again, and moved him to edo which they renamed eastern capital. they made a new government which was “a lot more western”. they made a new constitution that was pretty western and a military that was pretty western. and do you know what else is western? that’s right, it’s conquering stuff. so what can we conquer? korea. they conquer korea, taking it from its previous owner china, and then go a little bit further. and russia rushes in out of nowhere and says “stop, no, you can’t take that. we were gonna build a railroad through here to try to get some warm water.” and russia builds their railroad, supervised by a shit ton of soldiers. and then when the railroad was done they downgraded to a fuck ton. (did i say downgrade? i meant upgrade.) and japan says “can you maybe chill?” and russia says “How About Maybe You Chill?” japan’s kinda scared of russia. you’ll never guess who’s also kinda scared of russia. great britain. so japan and great britain make an alliance together so they can be “a little less scared of Russia”. feeling confident, japan goes to war against russia, just for a moment, and then they both get tired and stop. ♫ it’s time for World War 1 ♫ The World is about to Have A War because it’s the 1900’s and weapons are getting crazy, and all these empires are excited to try them out on each other. meanwhile japan has been enjoying conquering stuff and wants m o r e and the next thing on our list is this part of china and lots of tiny islands. all that stuff belongs to germany, which has just had war declared on them by britain, because britain was friends with belgium, which is being trespassed by germany in order to get to france to kick france’s ass because france is friends with russia who is getting ready to kick austria’s ass because austria is getting ready to kick serbia’s ass because someone from serbia shot the leader of austria’s ass. (er, actually shot him in the head.) and britain is currently friends with japan, so you know what that means? duh. ♫ japan should take the islands ♫ which they wanted to do anyway. so they called britain on the tele to sort of let them know. and then they did it. and they also helped britain a little here and there with some errands and stuff. now the war is over and congratulations japan you technically fought in the war which means you get to sit at the negotiating table with the big dudes where they decided who owns what. and yes, japan gets to keep all that shit they stole from germany. you also get to join the post-war mega alliance ♫ the League of Nations ♫ whose mission statement is to try not to take over the world. the great depression is bad and japan’s economy is now crappy. but the military is doing just fine and it invades manchuria. and the League of Nations is like “no, don’t do that, if you’re in the league of nations you’re not supposed to take over the world!” but japan said ♫ how bout i do anyway? ♫ and japan invaded more and more and more and more of china and was planning to invade the entire east. You’ve Got Mail it’s from germany. the new leader of germany. he has a cool moustache and is trying to take over the world and needs friends. this also got forwarded to italy, and they all decided to be friends because they have so much in common. ♫ it’s time for World War 2 ♫ (the sequel) germany is invading the neighbors. then they invade the neighbor’s neighbors. then the neighbor’s neighbor’s neighbors, who happened to be britain said “holy shit” and the united states started helping britain because they are ♫ good friends ♫ and started not helping japan because ♫ their friends and our friends are not friends ♫ ♫ plus they’re planning on invading the entire ocean ♫ the united states is also working on a large very huge bomb, bigger than any other bomb, ever™, just in case. but they still haven’t joined the war. war looks bad on tv, and the united states is really starting to care about their image. but then japan spits on them in hawaii and challenges them to war, and they say yes. and then germany, as a symbol of friendship, declares war on the united states also, and so the united states goes to war in europe. and they help the gang chase germany back in to germany, and they also start chasing japan back into japan. and they haven’t used the bomb yet, and are curious to see if it works, so they drop it on japan. they actually drop two. united states installed a new government inspired by the united states government with just the right ingredients for a ♫ post-war economic miracle ♫ and japan starts making tvs, vcrs automobiles and camcorders as fast as they can and also better than everybody else. they get rich and the economy goes wild and then the miracle wears off but everything’s still pretty cool i guess ♫ bye ♫
psychic: what the fuck

Okay. So I’ve been stiring on this for a while so I finally decided to take a really good look at what’s actually happening.

I’d like to start off by saying that Steve was pretty much a dick the entire film. I mean I get that he didn’t want to sign the accords but the way he went about it was just so completely wrong. Thing is I completely agree with Tony because he had it right because he knew what was going on. I mean, out of the two of them who actually knows the politics of the 21st century and has worked these sorts of things for decades? Tony.

Tony knew, as soon as the Sokovia Accords were made that he had to sign on. It wasn’t about guilt, although that was part of it. It was about the fact that if they didn’t do it now, it would be much worse later and or done to them and he knew that. (He actually says this in the film.) He also knew that the only way to have ammendments was to prove he was willing to cooperate. As with any new law and it’s affected parties.

Tony knew they needed oversight. Everything has some sort of chain of command. Military. Police. Business. Etc. And Tony knew the value of having that chain.

Steve Rogers on the other hand, doesn’t seem to understand the necessity. Need I remind you that he repeatedly went against that chain and was rewarded for it? Sure, he saved a bunch of people when he went to get Bucky, but that’s not the point. He ignored the chain and there could have been dire consequences (as we see in the future after S.H.I.E.L.D fell)

Another thing. He went after Bucky. Only Bucky. Noone else. It was pure chance that he let those guys out first, but they were used as a distraction so he could get to his main goal. Bucky. We see time and time again that Steve gets tunnel vision when it comes to Bucky.

And in Civil War it escalates to the point where he’s injuring and getting innocent people killed for Bucky. Only Bucky. When it comes to Bucky, everyone and everything else is inconsequential and unimportant as long as Bucky is fine.

Steve did not read the Accords. Fact. He left for Peggy’s funeral while he was skimming. Even if he did read it all, there is no possible way (and Tony Stark would bet his fortune on it) that he understood all of it enough to make an informed opinion. Laws use a lot of big words. Big words that would have been invented in the 70 years Cap was gone. So no, Steve didn’t actually know what the Accords were about.

He probably had no idea what the UN was either. Did you see his notebook in CAWS? Pop culture. 7 decades worth of world history? No, Moon landing, that’s it. Politics? Nope. New laws or government organizations (like the UN)? Nada. I think it’s safe to say that Steve wasn’t really caught up if pop culture is the sort of thing he’s catching up on.

Steve had made his mind up already. And he can’t use the Bucky excuse because by then Bucky wasn’t in the picture yet. Steve never gave a thought to the Accords and then Bucky fueled that fire and made him stubborn to a point beyond stupidity.

So, to sum up here. Tony knew that the Accords were going to happen no matter what and was willing to help make ammendments to suit everyone affected by the law. Steve went “Fuck you, I know better that 117 countries” and got a lot of people hurt and or killed.

Here’s another kicker. Tony convinced Steve to sign the Accords. He was literally about to and then Wanda was brought up, which is another thing.

Okay, a) why the fuck is she an Avenger? She was a HYDRA agent. A willing one, might I add. She and her brother volunteered to be experimented on and then work for them. She was the cause of Ultron.

She did mess with his head, and arguably, because it probably was, it was worse for him. He was alone. He didn’t know she was there, then suddenly he’s shown his worst fears mingled with a shit tonn of major PTSD triggers. He probably didn’t even know Wanda gave him the vision. He has PTSD, he’s probably used to attacks where he sees things.

I mean seriously, Tony has made AI’S before and none of them went bad. (DUM-E, U, JARVIS, then FRIDAY) They (Bruce & Tony) even say in AOU “We’re not even close to an interface yet” which means something jumped the mind stone to hijack the incomplete program.

Then you’ve got to think, an AI is made, with incomplete programming and whatever the mind stone did, and then was instantly thrust into the Internet. No wonder he wanted to kill everything. Information overload much, then attempting to make something of it all.

She had(/has) an illogical and unreasonable hatred for Tony Stark. Sure, the bomb thing was probably traumatizing, but she’s like ~23 now. That’s over a decade since it happened and you’ve got to think, why didn’t the bomb go off?

Stark weapons were brilliant. Top of the line never failing basically. So. Two bombs are dropped, and from the sounds of it, there was no explosion or if there was it was really small. Otherwise how could they be so close to her parents without dying too?

So, this leaves two possibilities. First, was the bomb actually Stark tech? Her home was war torn at the time. I’m sure some sides would like to intimidate their enemies with the idea they have Stark weapons. OR, the bomb was never armed. Again, war torn country. It’s entirely possible the plane carrying it was shot down.

So, unreasonable and illogical. If someone stabs you, who do you blame? The knife, the manufacturer/designer of the knife, or the person who stabbed you? The third one, obviously. So why was Tony Stark to blame? We’ve also got to remember Obadiah was dealing under the table.

b) She is NOT a kid, and I don’t understand why pretty much everyone thinks she is. She’s ~23. She can drink. She can vote. She can drive. She’s killed people. She became HYDRA. In what way is she a child? The way I see it she hadn’t been one in a very long time.

c) back to CW. Steve got all pissy because Tony kept Wanda in the compound (the lap of luxury need I remind you) for her own safety and the safety of those around her. It wasn’t a matter of her starting a fight. If she’d gone out and been attacked and defended herself, the situation would be made so much worse for her. Especially if someone got hurt or dead when she did so.

Now we get to the airport. Tony tries to talk. Steve is dismissive and unwilling to listen. Steve refuses to share vital information that would have helped the situation and the threat they had every reason to believe exists.

Steve starts the fight. His team doesn’t hold back like Tony’s does. They destroy a lot of property and nearly killed T'Challa and Spiderman several times. I mean, fuck you Steve, who just drops a huge heavy walkway create thing on someone who is obviously a teen? And then WALK AWAY while they struggle to hold it up. What if you had overestimated Spiderman’s strength? Congrats, you just killed a kid because once again you show no regard for anyone else besides Bucky.

He leaves his team. They probably knew even less about the situation than he did, because he knew fuck all about the Accords so I can’t imagine the bullshit Scott and Clint were told.

Then fucking Natasha. Ffs, she could have easily either disabled/sabotaged the quinjet or delayed them from leaving. But she didn’t. Then she has the nerve to tell Tony to watch his back after she betrayed him.

Also, Rhodey. Oh my god. Everyone gives Tony shit for point blank shooting Sam, but think about it. If Sam had taken the hit and turned into a glider, Rhodey would be fine. It doesn’t completely make sense, but there was a long moment where Tony was watching Rhodey fall to his death. Sam was a quick way to lash out. He also didn’t hit him that hard, just enough to knock him down.

Zoom ahead, Tony gets evidence that prove Bucky is innocent and admits he was wrong. (About what though I’m not sure, because all he wanted to do was give Bucky mental help and a fair trial but whatever. It’s not like Steve told him about the threat or anything. Because that would have been helpful.)

Clint makes a crack at Rhodey’s condition which is such a dick move. Sam then tells Tony the information he should have been given from the beginning by Mr ‘I-Dont-like-my-team-keeping-things-from-me’ Rogers. Tony heads to Siberia as a friend.

Steve gets a little arrogant cause he’s got this attitude of ‘I knew I was right the whole time and I’m glad you’ve finally seen sense’.

Then the video. This pissed me off the most I think.

You’ve just witnessed your parents brutally murdered by the person standing not 10 feet away from you. This reopens unprocessed greif and causes emotional backlash. Then you find out someone you thought of as a friend had known. Known for years. Since CAWS. And never said a thing in an environment where it would have been okay, instead of watching the murder and then being told someone close to you knew the whole time who had done it. (Again because it was Bucky. Bucky is more important than the world, remember?)

And his face. It’s so broken and betrayed. (I’d add a picture of Tumblr would let me) and he attacks, because who wouldn’t?

And then Steve does the worst possible thing he could in that situation. Fight back. When someone is having an emotional breakdown like that, you hold them until they calm down and Steve was well within his power to do so. If he’d tried he probably could have talked Tony down.

Fighting more fighting. Steve starts disabling the suit. To you can no longer fly properly. Then he proceeds to continue to be violent and make it worse and acts like it’s not a justifiable or reasonable reaction for a human to have (especially one with PTSD and a past of horrible things happening when he’s betrayed by someone close to him)

They gang up on him. Then Bucky had him pinned and is trying to rip out the Arc Reactor. Once again, PTSD. Also, need I remind you that he’s only recently had it removed from his chest. That was the only thing keeping him alive for a long time. In the state of mind he was in, he wouldn’t have remembered he no longer needed it to survive, hence blasting off his metal arm.

By this point he seems to have calmed down a bit and isn’t actively going for the kill, he’s just defending himself at this point.

He tells Cap to stay down, because he doesn’t want to fight him, and when he’s momentarily distracted Cap jumps on him and slams him to the ground. Tony barely does anything and then Steve is punching the faceplate. Then he’s smashing it with the sheild.

There’s this moment, you can kinda see it in the 3 secs of gif tumblr would let me use. There’s this moment where Steve is seriously considering decapitation. Tony sees this, is terrified and emotionally unbalanced and covers his face.

Steve slams the sheild into the reactor and leaves it there. Tony goes wide eyed with terror and let’s out a very not good sounding breath. He’s looking at Cap with such fear because he saw what Steve was about to do. Saw him stab him in the back and literally break his heart. (Kept him alive for years, remember?)

There is so much fear and Steve looks at him with no regret for what he just did and twists the sheild out of Tony’s chest and walks away.

When he drops it, his expression is like indulging a child in something stupid.

Then he leaves him there to die basically. Tony can’t fly, the suit is dead. Can’t contact anyone. The suit is dead. Noone knows where he is and T'Challa took Steve and Bucky with him when he left.

Steve Rogers beat Tony to a pulp after he witnessed something truly traumatizing and then left him to die in the middle of nowhere in an old HYDRA base.

They act like it was Tony’s fault for the Raft as well. I mean, they’re powered and dangerous and also criminals. The Raft was a bit much though, I’ll admit. But Tony didn’t put them there. He brought them in because he was following the law like everyone else on the planet should. Because he didn’t think himself above the law the Steve did. (Aka flipping the bird at 117 countries whose people say they’re scared and what someone to oversee the Avengers) and the jacket and collar on Wanda was unethical. I think the collar on its own would have been fine but wearing a straitjacket for too long is really bad for your health.

And then just to put the icing on the cake. The letter. The damn fucking letter. It’s mocking. It’s arrogant. Not once is there an apology or true regret. Other than regretting that they’re now criminals who hurt so many people that is. But mostly just the fact they have to hide when 'they did nothing wrong’. No remorse for anything. Not for Tony, defiantly not. That would be decent. Not for anyone else either.

“I know I hurt you”. That’s not an apology. There was no mention of the destruction he left behind in his quest for saving a single man, who has killed people. A lot of people. By choice or not, it was still his body. His life was not worth the loss of so many innocent lives. There was no acknowledgement of how deeply you hurt Tony. How much you damaged him.

Steve basically says. “I forgive you for being wrong and because I’m such a nice and just person when you see I’m right I’ll be here for you and all will be forgiven. Because we’re still friends/family. Even if you fucked up.”

Argh. Angry ranting at 2am. I’ve probably missed points I wanted to make but my wrists are cramping and I’m tired.

I just… I used to like Steve, but Tony a little more because he always seemed more relatable to me. (And had a more interesting backstory.) And then this movie just made me hate Cap so much. He was such a dick in it and it annoys me that the movie was obviously trying to get you to side with him. Feel free to add anything to this.

Transcription of “history of japan”

welcome to my night, where i basically sat down for a whole hour typing this entire thing down. wtf am i even doing. 

———

Japan is an island by the sea, filled with volcanos and its 

♪ beautiful 

In the year negative a billion; Japan might not have been here.

In the year negative forty thousand; it was here and you could walk to it, and some people walked to it.
Then it got warmer some icebergs melted and it became an island, and now theres lots of 

♪ trees ♪

because its warmer. 

So now there’s people on the island that’s basically just hanging out in between the mountains, eating nuts off trees and using the latest technology like 

stones and bowls.

Ding dong ♪

It’s the outside world and they have technology from the future like, really good metal and crazy rice farms. 

Now you can make a lot of rice, really, really quickly. 

That means if you own a farm

you own a lot of food,

which is something everybody needs to 

SURVIVE. 

So that makes you king. 

Rice farming and rice kingdoms spread across the land all the way to here.

The most important kingdoms were,

  • here
  • here
  • here
  • here
  • here, 
  • here 
  • and here.

But this one was the most, most important.

Ruled by a heavenly superperson 

or Emperor for short. 

knock knock.  

get the door,  its 

♪ religion

The new prince wants everyone to try this hot new religion from

Baekje.

Please try this religion.” he said. 

No” said everybody.

♪ Try it ♪”  he said.

“No” said everybody again, quieter this time. 

And so, the religion was put into place and all the rules that came with it. 

Then the government was taken over by another clique and they made some reforms like,

  • making the Government govern more. 
  • And making the Government more like China’s Government, which is a Government that governs more. 

“Hi China.” they said.

”Hi dipshit.” said China.

can you call us something else other than dipshit?” said Japan. 

Like what?” said China.

♪How about sunrise land ♪” said Japan. 

And they stole China’s alphabet and wrote a book. 

‘bout themselves. 

And then they made lots of poetry and art and another book about themselves.

Then they stopped moving the capital every time the emperor died and kept it in one place for awhile. 

~right here~

and they conquered the north, finally. 

Get that squared away.

A rich hipster named Kukai is bored with modern buddhism, visits China and learns a better version which is more  

♪Spiritual

comes back, reinvents the alphabet and causes art and literature to be  

♪great

for a long time.  

And the royal palace turned into such a dream world of art that they really didn’t give a shit about running the country.  

So if you lived outside the palace how are you supposed to protect your shit, from criminals

♪ h i r e   a   s a m u r a i  ♪

Everyone started hiring Samurai. 

  • rich, important people hired samurai.
  • poor people who could not afford to hire samurai did not hire samurai

The samurai became organised and powerful. 

More powerful than the government. 

So they made their own military government 

~here~ 

They let the “Emperor” still be “Emperor” but the Shogun is actually in control. 

Breaking news! 

The Mongols have invaded China!

We’ve invaded China.” said the Mongols. “Please respect us or else we might invade you as well.

okay.” said Japan. 

So the Mongols came over, ready for war and– 

died in a tornado(typhoon). 

But they tried again, and had a nice time fighting with the Japanese but then– 

died in a tornado(typhoon). 

Then the Emperor overthrows the Shogunate and Shogunate overthrows them back and moves to Kyoto and makes a new Shogunate. 

And the “Emperor” can still dress like an Emperor if he wants. 

That’s fine. 

♪ now there’s more art  

  • like painting with less colours 
  • collaborative poetry
  • plays
  • monkey fun
  • tea parties 
  • gardening 
  • architecture
  • FLOWERS.

its time for– 

~who’s going to be the next shogun?~

Usually its the Shogun’s kid.
But the Shogun doesn’t have a kid so he tries to get his brother to quit being a Monk and be the next Shogun.  

He says “ok"

But then shogun has a kid. 

So now who’s it gonna be?

~vote now on your phones!~

And everyone voted so hard that the palace caught on fire and burned down. 

The Shogun actually didn’t care

he was off somewhere doing poetry. 

And the whole country broke into pieces.
Everyone is fighting with each other for local power and 

its anybody’s game.

knock knock. 

its Europe. 

No, they’re not here to take over (yet)
They just wanna sell some shit, like clocks and guns

and ♪ Jesus

so thats cool.  

but everyone’s still fighting each other for control. 

~now with guns~

and wouldn’t it be nice to control the capital?  
Which right now is puppets with no one controlling them

This clan is ready to make a run for it.
But first, they have to trample this smaller clan which is in the way.  

~surprise~

smaller clan wins and the leader of that clan steals the idea of invading the capital and invades the capital and it goes very well.  

He’s about halfway through conquering Japan when someone who works for him, kills him and then someone else who works for him, kills them 

and that guy finishes conquering Japan.  

and then he confiscated everybody’s swords, and made some rules.  

“and now I’m going to invade Korea, and then hopefully China” 

he said and failed and also died.  

But before he died he told these five guys to take care of his five year old son until he’s old enough to be the next ruler of japan

And the five guys said,  

“yeah, right. its not gonna be this kid, its gonna be one of us, cuz we’re grown ups.“ 

And it’s probably gonna be this guy who happens to be way more rich and powerful than the others. 

A lot of people support him but a lot of people support not supporting him. They have a fight, and he wins and starts a new Government

right here. 

♪ Edo

and he still lets the Emperor dress like an “Emperor” and have very nice things. But don’t get confused, this is the new government and they’re very strict. 

So strict they closed the country

No one can leave and no one can come in

Except for the dutch because they wanna buy and sell shit but they have to do it right here

Now that the entire country is not at war with itself,
the population increased a lot. 

  • business increased 
  • schools were built
  • roads were built 
  • everyone learnt to read
  • books were published 
  • there was poetry
  • plays
  • sexy times
  • puppet shows 

and dutch studies.

People started to study European science from books they bought from the Dutch

we’re talking– 

  • geography, 
  • skeletons, 
  • physics, 
  • chemistry, 
  • astronomy,  
  • and maybe even electricity. 

Over time the economic and cultural prosperity began to gradually slow do–

knock knock. 

its the united states.
with huge boats with guns, 

gunboats. 

“open the country. Stop having it be closed.”
said the United States. 

Theres really nothing they could do so they signed a contract that lets United States, Britain and Russia visit Japan anytime they want. 

Chōshū and Satsuma hated this. 

“that sucks.” they said. 

“this sucks!!!!” 

And with almost very little outside help, they overthrew the shogunate and somehow made the emperor the emperor again and moved him to Edo which they renamed, Eastern Capital

they made a new government which was a lot more western. 

they made a new constitution that was pretty western. 

and a military that was pretty western. 

And did you know what else was western?
Thats right, its conquering stuff. 

So what can we conquer?
Korea, they conquered Korea. 

Taking it from its previous owner, China.
and then go a little bit further and Russia rushes in out of nowhere and says, 

“stop, no, you can’t take that.
We were gonna build a railroad through here to try to get some warm water.” 

and Russia builds their railroad supervised by a shit ton of soldiers. 

and then when the railroad was done they downgraded to a fuck ton. 

Did i say downgrade?

I meant upgrade. 

And Japan says, 

“can you maybe chill?”

and russia says, 

“How About Maybe You Chill?” 

Japan is kinda scared of Russia.
You’ll never guess who’s also kinda scared of Russia. 

Great Britain. 

So Japan and Great Britain make an alliance together so they can be 

a little less scared of Russia. 

Feeling confident, Japan goes to war against Russia.
Just for a moment.
and then they both get tired and stop. 

♪ it’s time for World War 1 

The World is about to -Have A War-

Because its the nineteen hundreds and weapons are getting crazy.
and all these Empires are excited to try them out on each other. 

Meanwhile Japan has been enjoying conquering stuff and wants– 

more. 

and the next thing on their list is this part of China and lots of tiny islands

And all of that stuff belongs to Germany which just had war declared on by Britain because Britain is friends with Belgium which is being trespassed by Germany in order to get to France to kick France’s ass because France is friends with Russia who is getting ready to kick Austria’s ass because Austria is getting ready to kick Serbia’s ass because someone from Serbia shot the leader of Austria’s ass or– 

actually shot on the head. 

and Britain is currently friends with Japan so you know what that means. 

Duh, ♪ Japan should take the islands 

which they wanted to do anyway. 

So they called Britain on the tele(gram) to sort of let them know.
and then they did it, and they also helped Britain a little here and there with some errands and stuff. 

Now the war is over. 

Congratulations japan!

You technically fought in the war, which means you get to sit at the negotiating table with the big dudes where they decided who owns what. 

And yes, Japan gets to keep all that shit they stole from Germany, you also get to join the, Post-War Mega alliance– 

♪ the League of Nations 

Whose mission statement is to try not to take over the world. 

The great depression is bad and Japan’s economy is now crappy.  
But the military is doing just fine and it invades Manchuria and the league of nation’s just like– 

“No don’t do that, if you’re in the league of nations you’re not supposed to take over the world.”  

and Japan said “♪ How bout I do anyway? ” 

And Japan invaded more and more and more and, more of China.  

and was planning to invade the entire east!

~You got mail~

Its from Germany.
the new leader of Germany,
he has a cool moustache
and he’s trying to take over the world

and needs friends. 

This also got forwarded to Italy, 

they all decided to be friends because they had so much in common. 

♪ it’s time for World War 2 

Germany is invading the neighbours.
Then they invade the neighbour’s neighbours.
Then the neighbour’s neighbour’s neighbours who happened to be Britain said, “holy shiit”
and United States started helping Britain because they are  

♪ good friends 

and started not helping Japan because  

♪ their friends and our friends are not friends 

plus they’re planning on invading the entire ocean 

The united states is also working on a large very huge bomb.

bigger than any other bomb, ever™.  

Just in case.  

But they still haven’t joined the war.  
War looks bad on TV and united states has really started to care about their image. 

But then Japan spits on them in Hawaii,

and challenges them to war. 

and they say yes, and then Germany

as a symbol of friendship, 

declares war on the United States also.  

So the United States goes to war in Europe.
and they help the gang chase Germany back into Germany.  
and they also start chasing Japan back into Japan.
And they haven’t used the bomb yet and are curious to see if it works.  

So they dropped it on japan.  

they actually dropped two. 

United States installed a new Government, inspired by the United States Government.  
with just the right ingredients for a 

♪ post-war economic miracle 

And Japan starts making  

  • TVs  
  • VCRs
  • automobiles 
  • and camcorders 

as fast as they can and also better than everybody else.

they get rich and the economy goes wild and then the miracle wears off.

But everything’s still pretty cool i guess. 

♪ bye 

——–

i did it. Thank you Bill Wurtz for this wonderful masterpiece. 

BECAUSE–

also p.s.: i sincerely apologise if someone has already made a whole transcript of this. pls u can hire a samurai against me if u wan 2 ;A;

clodiuspulcher  asked:

I have a confession: I followed your blog because I liked the URL ciceroprofacto. I soon realized your blog was about Alexander Hamilton and Not Cicero but your content is so good I couldn't unfollow... ANYWAY, I know Hamilton associated himself with Cicero- he called Burr the American Catiline at some point, right?- but there's some other parallels between them and I was wondering if you have any other stories/anecdotes/info about Hamilton's feelings on Cicero. Thanks, and I love your blog!

I also have a confession: I made up this username after questions about Cicero helped me qualify for the state certamen bowl as a team of myself.  the username is a lie about the content here but I really am tight with Cicero as far as interests go.

But yes!  Hamilton and Marcus Tullius Cicero: the comparison is striking.

Both were born in January, and despite having well-to-do fathers with good family names, were held back by their circumstances as youths.  Cicero was born in Arpinum, a little over sixty miles south of Rome, Hamilton in Charleston, Nevis, separated from major hubs of the British empire.  Both had one brother (though Cicero was the elder brother and Hamilton the younger), and both of their mothers were described as intelligent and thrifty.  Both men were described as sickly boys, Cicero was semi-invalid and Hamilton frequently ill.  In order to enter ‘cultured’ society, both men had to self-fashion themselves through studies of Latin and Greek, history, poetry, and philosophy.

For both Cicero and Hamilton, it was their talent as students and their ability to use rhetoric effectively that caught the attention of sponsors who facilitated their education.  While they studied, both men met two friends they would keep lifelong correspondence with, Hamilton with Robert Troup and Hercules Mulligan and Cicero with Servius Sulpicius Rufus and Titus Pomponius.

Both men used military service (and public offices cursus honorum) to distinguish themselves and earn the connections and experience that would help them get careers in civil service.  During their military service, both distinguished themselves as intellectuals, both credited as one of the most versatile minds of their generation.

After their stints in the military, both men immediately began careers as lawyers and statesmen in the public eye.  Both were infamously effective orators.  Cicero’s use of Latin rhetoric was so distinguished he changed the way people used the language.  I don’t remember the exact quote, but it was said that prose in Latin and the romance languages up through the 19th century was either a return to his style and syntax or a reaction against it.

Both men were also inflammatory speakers.  Cicero’s first major (and most famous) trial as a lawyer was in defense of a man named Sextus Roscius, and in the defense he presented, he challenged the dictator Sulla (whose army he had served in) by accusing some of Sulla’s political allies of having actually committed the crime.  After that case, Cicero left Rome and spent some time in Greece studying philosophy and oratory (and I would liken this to Hamilton’s break with Washington, retirement from the military and study of law).  Some historians speculate he had fled Rome because of the political threat, but that’s not proven. 

Ironically, both men married up in their mid-twenties.  Hamilton to Elizbeth Schuyler and Cicero to Terentia, of a plebeian noble house of Terenti Varrones.  Both Eliza and Terentia were actively interested in their husbands political careers and sometimes helped them in their work.  In both cases, there are traditional rumors that the men married for convenience and political ambitions, but both marriages lasted around 30 years through marital turbulence.  The Reynolds affair in 1791 mirrors a stint in the 50s BCE where Cicero claimed Terentia had betrayed him and they briefly divorced and remarried (though I’m not sure about the reasons behind it).

Cicero returned to Rome shortly after completing that ‘higher education’ in Greece.  And, like Hamilton, he entered politics and quickly rose through the ranks.  Both men entered civil service posts that centered on the financial stability of their countries.  Hamilton’s post as Secretary Treasury somewhat mirrors Cicero’s work as a Quaestor in Sicily though Hamilton’s work focused more on establishing the system of finance and Cicero’s focused more on rejuvenating and legitimizing a broken system.  In Rome, 20 ‘Quaestors’ were elected each year to maintain the finances of a province with the Consul or Proconsul of that area.  It was a big deal among the men on the cursus honorum to move along the ranks quickly, at the youngest age possible, and many tried to do so by bribing the electors and speculating from taxes.  Cicero effectively did so by publicly ousting the other statesmen who did so with sharp oratory and accusations, thereby earning the trust and admiration of the voting male citizens, then canvassing and campaigning for his position.

Like Hamilton, Cicero was constantly shadowed by his lack of reputable ancestry, wealth, and birth.  He was neither a noble nor a patrician and, having moved through the ranks by canvassing rather than consular ancestry, he was labeled a novus homo or “new man”.  The last novus homo who had been elected consulate was a distant relative, Gaius Marius, who was politically radical and unpopular after Sulla’s ascension in the Roman civil war.  Sulla’s reforms had strengthened the upper-class equestrian class, the optimates, and Cicero was an eques. More importantly, he was a constitutionalist, unable to side politically with the populares faction.  Despite this, in each election, Cicero was voted first of all the candidates he stood against, most popular among all Romans except those of the poorest classes.  Like Hamilton, Cicero held the strong centralized republican ideals of a gentry class that would never truly accept him despite his intellectual talents and personal charisma.

Hamilton did liken his feud with Burr to Cicero’s campaign against Catiline, though I would say Cicero’s conflict became much more serious while Hamilton’s was cut short by their duel and Burr’s public defamation.  
In 63 BCE, Cicero was elected Consul over Catiline, creating personal animosity between the two.  In previous years, Catiline had sullied his own name with a series of crimes that took him to trial, between murder, speculation, and proscription. In a last-ditch effort to attain the consulship, he promoted universal cancellation of debts to draw the support of the lower classes and began talking his way into the support of men in the senatorial and equestrian rank who, after a political purge, had also become inviable candidates to public office for their own crimes (and men with good reason to dislike Cicero).  
After Cicero took office, he spent his time preventing Catiline’s conspiracy to overthrow him and the Roman Republic as a whole.  He delivered four famous speeches, the Catiline Orations, that listed Catiline and his supporters’ crimes, and denounced his supporters as debtors.  Catiline fled to Etruria after the first speech but Cicero delivered three more to prepare the Senate for a counterattack.
Catiline planned to return with an army of veterans from Sulla’s military, peasant farmers and debtors.  The supporters he’d left behind in the Senate worked to gain the support of the Allobgroges, a tribe of Gauls, but the Gauls delivered their letters to Cicero and the senate and Cicero was able to force the conspirators to confess their crimes.  He had them taken to the Tullianum, the most notorious Roman prison, and strangled without formal trial.

We all know how Hamilton’s feud ended, and it’s hard to say what would’ve happened in his public life had he lived longer.  Given how similarly Hamilton’s life seemed to match-step with Cicero’s, I imagine he would’ve managed to stir political conflict and eventually actuate his own death or ejection from the political field.

After his orations against Catiline, Cicero went on in his political career.  He refused an offer of partnership with Julius Caesar, Pompey and Crassus, fearing it would undermine the Republic.  After this Triumvirate rose to power, he was exiled by a law against anyone who executed Roman citizens without trial.
He returned to Rome and resumed his involvement in politics about a year later, avoided supporting Caesar by leaving Rome with Pompey’s staff when Caesar invaded Italy in 49 BCE and tried to get his endorsement.
He caught beef with Pompey as well and Cato, arguing with his commanders for their incompetence, returned to Rome and received a pardon from Caesar (fully planning to politically undermine his dictatorship with constitutional law whenever possible).
He wasn’t involved in Caesar’s assignation but was supportive of it and became a popular leader afterwards.  As Mark Antony carried out Caesar’s public will after his death, Cicero countered him politically and attacked him in public speeches, “the Phillipics”, calling the Senate against him.  Cicero was wildly powerful with the public will and his supporters volunteered to take arms against Antony and his supporters.  But, matters escalated, Antony continued military conquest and defied the senate, after he refused to lift the siege of Mutina, he was declared an enemy of the state.  Cicero began a campaign to try and drive Antony out, even contacted Cassius, one of Caesars assassins, and alluded that Antony was a greater threat.  But, it didn’t work and soon after Antony and Octavian allied with Lepidus, formed the second triumvirate, and began hunting their political rivals.
Cicero, so publicly loved, was able to hide for some time, but he was caught in December 43 BCE in Formiae, trying to leave in a litter.  He leaned his head out in surrender, decapitated in a gladiatorial gesture that bares the neck and makes the task easier.  In the Roman tradition of oratory, hand motions are emphasized and characteristic.  So, Cicero’s hands and (I’ve heard rumors of his tongue) were cut off and nailed on display on the Rostra in the Forum along with his head, the only victim of the Triumvirate to be displayed like that.

I don’t personally know of any anecdotes of Hamilton comparing himself to Cicero, but I do know he would’ve read and translated Cicero’s speeches and philosophies, and I can definitely see why he would feel a kinship with his life story.  Here’s an article that discusses the allusion to Catiline.

tldr; Marcus Tullius Cicero and Alexander Hamilton were self-made men, “homines novi”, born in obscurity and rising quickly through the ranks of civil service positions through the merit of hard work, military service, and emergence into law.  Despite this, and even as effective supporters of centralized constitutional power, they were both shadowed by their inability to completely fit in with the upper-class aristocrats.  Both were gifted orators, political philosophers, and financial planners.  Characteristically self-righteous, they both refused to back down from their core political beliefs, even when that placed their own lives at risk, leading to both their unparalleled political rise as well as their ultimate downfall.

fashi0nmistake  asked:

The writing prompt meme- #50 "I’m starting an idiot jar. Any time you do or say anything idiotic, you have to put at least a dollar in it—more depending on how stupid the thing that you said or did was.” The Starklings. It's such a sibling prompt!

“What? It’s a great idea!”

“Robb, it’s a terrible idea! Mom doesn’t even like hockey,” Sansa protested.

Her older brother looked at her as if she’d lost her mind. “Of course she likes hockey! She has never missed a single game any one of us has played in unless two of us were playing at the same time in different rinks! She’s been to more games than Dad, Sansa!”

Sansa rolled her eyes. “OK. She doesn’t like hockey unless one or more of you idiots are playing. This isn’t just Dad’s anniversary! Stanley Cup playoff tickets are a terrible anniversary gift.”

“You’re just saying that because you’re the only person in this family who never played, Sansa! You probably want to send them to the dumb old ballet!” nine year old Rickon protested.

“No, I don’t,” Sansa said, in a voice alarmingly like their mother’s when her patience was nearly at an end. “I’m perfectly well aware that Dad has no interest in the ballet unless I’m dancing.”

“Well, ballet’s boring,” Rickon pronounced, making a face that had Robb, Jon, and Bran all laughing in spite of Sansa’s glaring at them.

“I hate all of you!” Sansa exclaimed as she dramatically turned causing her hair to swish around her shoulders and flounce out of the room. 

From her perch on the back of the couch by the window, Arya sighed. She’d never admit it to a living soul, but she did envy her sister’s ability to do that kind of stuff with her hair, even if Sansa was acting like a baby.

They were all acting like babies. Stupid babies.

Before she could mention that to them, however, Robb turned on Rickon. “Nice going, kid!” he said sarcastically. “Now she’d bailed on us!”

“You laughed!” Rickon protested, throwing his empty Coke can at Robb’s head.

Robb ducked of course, and the can, which apparently wasn’t entirely empty, hit the wall behind him, splattering Coke on a portrait of their family taken on a vacation to the beach about seven years ago. Their mother loved that picture.

“Nice,” Arya said, swinging her legs over the back of the couch and standing up. “You all are just brilliant. We’ve all been saving money for a damn year, and now that it’s time to actually plan this thing, we’ve talked for an hour, decided nothing, chased off Sansa, and gotten coke all over Mom’s favorite picture.

As Robb and Rickon both started to protest, Arya spoke over them. “Robb, go get Sansa back here. I know she’s bossy, but she listens to you more than the rest of us, and does anybody think we can actually plan this without her?”

She looked around the room at her siblings and cousin. Nobody actually disputed that statement. “Go on, Robb!” she said when he didn’t move. “Grovel if you have to, but get her back here.”

“Rickon’s the one who pissed her off!” Robb protested. 

Arya loved her oldest brother, she truly did. He was a wonderful guy. But sometimes when he felt angry or unjustly accused, he could be the biggest baby of all of them. “Yeah. And he’s NINE. Your twenty. Suck it up, Robb. You all laughed, and it was your dumb suggestion that we send Mom and Dad to the playoffs as our gift which got Sansa riled up in the first place. Besides,” she turned to glare at her youngest brother, and the smirk he’d been directing at Robb disappeared immediately. “Rickon has to go get a rag and clean his damn mess. None of us will be alive to give Mom and Dad anything if Mom sees that picture that like that!”

Rickon, fully aware that he couldn’t escape responsibility for the Coke can incident and with no desire to end up on the receiving end of the wrath of Catelyn Stark (in spite of the fact that Mom tended to let him skate more often than anyone because he was the BABY), scampered toward the kitchen in search of cleaning supplies immediately. 

Robb made a face at her that caused him to look alarmingly like Rickon, but he then agreed to go in search of their sister, muttering under his breath as he went. “And she calls SANSA bossy!”

“Well?” Arya asked as Bran and Jon stared at her in silence. 

“Well what?” Bran asked.

“Well where do you two think we should send them?” she asked in exasperation. These two had contributed very little to the discussion so far, although to be fair, neither had she–except to give them an update on their general budget. 

Even the older kids agreed that fifteen year old Arya was the best of all of them at math, so while Robb had opened the bank account last year because only he and Jon were over eighteen and could do it without their parents’ knowledge, Arya had managed it. The others had given her their contributions and she’d made deposits with Robb’s permission and kept track of the balance. Considering that only Jon, Robb, and Sansa had jobs–and they weren’t exactly full time or well-paying, they’d managed to collect quite a sum over the past year. Arya herself had done some math tutoring to raise money. She’d even babysat a few times, which was torture. Of course, she’d never tell the others that the primary way she’d managed to make her contributions almost as big as those of the older three was by giving Gendry money to bet on various sports events. First of all, she wasn’t supposed to still be seeing him and she didn’t want Dad to murder him, and second of all, Dad would likely murder HER if he found out she was gambling. Even for a good cause.

“They’re not really my parents, Arya,” Jon mumbled. “I really think you five should …”

“And THAT has got to be the stupidest thing of all the stupid things said in here so far today!” she exclaimed, rolling her eyes. “You’ve practically lived here your whole life, Jon, and you gave the most money out of anybody! You get a vote!”

“I didn’t put money in to get a vote,” Jon said almost sullenly. “I did it because Uncle Ned and Aunt Cat have given me pretty much everything I have.”

“They love you, Jon,” Bran insisted. “You’re as much their kid as any of us.”

Jon nodded a bit, but he didn’t smile, and under his breath he muttered something like “But they never had to do that” which caused Arya to roll her eyes again.

She adored Jon. It was almost funny because even though he wasn’t technically her brother, his was the face that came first to her mind if anyone asked if she had a favorite sibling. After all, he’d been the one who convinced her mother to not only allow her to play hockey, but to let her play on the boys’ team. But if Robb could drive her crazy sometimes with his belief that things were always supposed to go his way, Jon could make her equally nuts with his insistence on martyrdom at times.

“Seriously, boys, we’ve got enough to give them a really nice vacation somewhere. Not airfare, but Grandpa Hoster said he’d kick that in so we need to come up with something great.”

“What about Disney World?” Bran asked. “They both said that was a great trip when we all went three years ago.”

“Because we were all there,” Jon said. “It was a great family trip, but neither of your parents cared much about most of the rides. I think for just the two of them, maybe someplace else will be better.”

Bran frowned. “But what will they do anywhere without all of us there? I mean … they never go anywhere without us–except for Dad’s work trips. Won’t they get bored?”

Arya met Jon’s eyes and both of them tried mightily not to laugh. Bran was thirteen, old enough and smart enough to understand what went on between men and women, but still young enough to be completely oblivious to the idea of their parents as anything other than just their parents. Heck, she was fifteen and had a not-so-secret much older not-a-boyfriend and still didn’t like to think too closely about what went on in Mom’s and Dad’s bedroom when the door was locked, but she had no doubts they wouldn’t get bored on a kid-free vacation!

“They won’t get bored, Bran,” Jon said. “They do like each other, you know.” He laughed just a bit and reached over to ruffle Bran’s hair. 

Bran blushed then. “I know that!” he sputtered. “I just meant … I just …”

“Don’t worry, Bran,” Arya laughed. “It wasn’t even close to the stupidest suggestion we’ve had.”

“What about you, Bossy?” Robb asked as he came back into the family room, followed by a still pouting Sansa. “What brilliant ideas do you have?”

“I don’t know,” Arya said. “But it should be someplace they would both like. So no hockey. And no ballet.”

“I never said …” Sansa started.

“I know you never said ballet,” Arya interrupted quickly. “I’m just trying to make a point. Nothing that just Dad loves or just Mom loves. It has to be something they love together. What do they both love?”

“Me!” Rickon offered with a grin as he walked back in with glass cleaner and a rag. 

Everyone laughed. “Well, yes, Rickon,” Bran said. “We’ve already established that Mom and Dad love all of us, but this trip is just for the two of them.”

Before Arya and Jon could even cover their smiles at Bran’s about-face on couples trips, Rickon grinned more widely. “I didn’t say us,” he said, sticking a tongue out at Bran. “I said me. They only had all you losers trying to get a kid as awesome as me! That’s why they stopped once they got perfection!”

“You wish!” Bran told him, pulling the little cushion he kept behind his back in his wheelchair out and flinging at at the youngest Stark. Of course, he hit a vase which fell to the floor and broke instead.

“I’m not cleaning that!” Rickon announced.

“Could everyone refrain from doing anything stupid for longer than five minutes?” Arya asked in frustration.

Jon, who’d been standing closest to the vase, bent to start picking up the pieces.

“They both like the country as opposed to big cities,” Sansa said. “I mean, Mom likes the city, but Dad hates it. And even Mom is happier surrounded by green.”

That was actually a useful observation. Sansa really was good at this stuff. Even if she was constantly in other people’s business and wasn’t as perfect as everybody thought. “That’s good, Sans,” Arya said. “What else?”

“Water,” Robb offered. “Mom loves being on the water. And Dad does, too, as long as it’s not too hot. No place tropical.” 

“But warm enough to swim,” Jon put in, having somehow dispatched Rickon to fetch a broom and dustpan without making a fuss or raising a protest from the kid. “Aunt Cat loves to swim, and Uncle Ned loves watching her do it.”

“Eww!” Robb protested. “That’s my mother you’re talking about Jon.”

“Yeah, I know. And it’s obvious your dad thinks she’s the hottest woman around every time he looks at her, and this IS an anniversary trip.”

“Just shut up already, Jon,” Robb said, getting a bit red in the face.

One look at Jon told Arya that wasn’t going to happen. Jon and Robb were almost exactly the same age and had been closer than any real twins their whole lives, but they did love to aggravate each other. With a wicked gleam in his grey eyes, he said, “We definitely need to make sure the hotel room is really nice–in case they never leave it.”

Robb flew at Jon and tackled him. Thankfully, nothing fell to the floor except the two of them, and neither of them was truly angry so they just wrestled for a moment with Jon laughing so hard the whole time that Robb finally couldn’t help laughing as well. “Idiot,” he muttered, as he stood up to let Jon off the floor. “Just shut up about my parents’ sex lives, okay? Five times. That’s all I’ve got to acknowledge, man. Five times.”

Of course, that comment caused Sansa, Arya, and even Bran to dissolve into laughter until Rickon finally asked, “Five times what? And you’re not supposed to talk about sex. Big Walder Frey got sent to the principal’s office for talking about sex to some girl on the playground. She called him a dirty liar and told the teacher!”

That stopped the laughter pretty quickly. 

“Hey, bud,” Robb said, going to put an arm around Rickon. “Whatever that Frey kid says about anything is probably wrong.” Arya was honestly quite impressed at how quickly he’d gone from total dork into mature responsible big brother mode.

Rickon looked up at Robb a moment, as if considering his words. “Yeah. He lies a lot,” he said finally. “Is it true that …”

“Later, Rickon,” Robb interrupted with only the slightest hint of red returning to his cheeks. “Ask me later. Or better yet, ask Dad.”

“Please,” Arya said. “We need to stick to the topic at hand. Mom and Dad will be home soon, and who knows when we’ll get everybody here at once and them gone again. So no more acting like idiots. Are we all good with finding someplace in the country–on a lake maybe?”

“With a great big bed …” Jon mumbled, before bursting into laughter again.

Normally, Arya loved seeing Jon’s playful, teasing side, but as Robb punched him hard in the arm, and Rickon looked as if he were trying very hard to puzzle something out, she’d had enough. “That’s it! I’m starting an idiot jar. Any time you do or say anything idiotic, you have to put at least a dollar in it—more depending on how stupid the thing that you said or did was.”

“Hear, hear!” said Sansa. She turned and pulled a little basket down off one of the shelves. “This will do for now,” she said. “We can get an official jar later. Now, let’s get this trip planned.”

All the boys adopted serious expressions, and everyone who’d been standing found places to sit. Arya looked gratefully at her sister. She couldn’t even remember the last time she’d wanted so much to just hug Sansa.

“The mountains,” Robb said. “Dad likes mountains, and it doesn’t get too warm there ever. But as long as it gets sunny and warm at all during the day, Mom will swim. You know her.”

“Yes!” Sansa nearly squealed. “And there are places with warm springs. I bet I could find someplace like that! And they could take long walks and go hiking and watch sunsets and have breakfast in bed and …”

Arya smiled as Sansa waxed poetic about the ideal vacation spot for Mom and Dad. The others actually all looked pretty excited now as she talked about it, and Arya had every confidence that their sister would get on-line and find a real-life place that wasn’t too far from the image in her head now that it seemed they’d agreed on a general idea. 

Maybe she’d keep the idiot jar (or basket), though. With this bunch, she could likely raise enough to do a vacation for the entire family next in no time at all. 

Easter Eggs

A conversation with the girls about Easter traditions leads to Patsy making an admission…

Five women all squashed into one room across two beds gave Delia a good excuse to sit as close as humanly possible to Patsy without any eyebrows being raised. Patsy was rested against the headboard of Trixie’s bed whom was currently out with Christopher, with Delia sat beside her, legs bent so her feet rested just against Patsy’s calf. Val was sat cross legged on her own bed as Barbara and Phyllis perched on the end. All five were giggling when Trixie entered, a Smarties Easter Egg tucked under her arm.

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Not 👏 Gonna 👏 Say 👏 It 👏 Again👏

Japan is an island by the sea filled with volcanoes and it’s ♫ beautiful ♫ ! In the year negative a billion, Japan might not’ve been here. In the year -40,000 it was here, and you could walk to it, and some people walked to it. Then it got warmer, so an iceberg melted, it became an island, and now there lot’s of trees! Because it’s warmer. So now there’s people on the island and they’re basically sort of hanging out in between the mountains, eating nuts off trees, and using the latest technology. Like stones, and bowls. Ding dong, it’s the outside world. And they have technology from the future. Like really good metal, and crazy rice farms. Now you can make a lot of rice really really quickly. That means if you own the farm, you own a lot of food, which is something everybody needs to survive. So that makes you king. Rice farming and rice kingdoms spread across the land, all the way to here. The most important kingdoms were here, here, here, here, here, here, and here. But this one was the most most important, ruled by a heavenly super person, or emperor for short. Knock knock, get the door, it’s religion. The new prince wants everyone to try this hot new religion from Baekje. “Please try this religion,” he said. “No,” said everybody. “Try it,” he said. “No,” said everybody again, quieter this time. And so the religion was put into place, and all the rules that came with it. Then, the government was taken over by another clique, and they made some reforms. Like making the government govern more, and making the government more like China’s government, which is a government that governs more. “Hi China,” they said. “Hi dipnoot,” said China. “Can you call us something else other than dipnoot?” said Japan. “Like what?” said China. “How about ♫ sunrise land ♫ ?” said Japan. And they stole China’s alphabet and wrote a book, about themselves. And then they made lots of poetry and art and another book about themselves. Then they stopped moving the capital every time the emperor died and kept it in one place for a while. Right here, and they conquered the north, finally. Get that squared away. A rich hipster named Kūkai (空海) is bored with modern Buddhism and learns a better version which is more ♫ spiritual ♫ comes back, reinvents the alphabet and causes art and literature to be ♫ great ♫ for a long time. And the royal palace turned into such a dream world of art that they really didn’t give a noot about governing the country. So if you live outside the palace, how are you supposed to protect your noot from criminals? ♫ hire a samurai ♫ Everyone started hiring samurai. Correction: rich, important people hired samurai. Poor people who could not afford to hire samurai did not hire samurai. The samurai became organized and powerful. More than the government, so they made their own military government here. They let the emperor still be “emperor,” but the shogun is actually in control. Breaking news: the Mongols have invaded China. “We have invaded China,” said the Mongols. “Please respect us, or we might invade you as well.” “Okay,” said Japan. So the Mongols came over, ready for war, and then died in a tornado. They tried again, and had a nice time fighting with the Japanese, but then died in a tornado. Then the emperor overthrew the shogunate, then the shogunate overthrows him back and moved to Kyoto and makes a new shogunate, and the emperor can still dress like an emperor if he wants, that’s fine. ♫ now there’s more art ♫ Like paining with less colors, collaborative poetry, plays, monkey fun, tea parties, gardening, architecture, flowers. It’s time for Who’s Going To Be The Next Shogun? Usually it’s the shogun’s kid, but the shogun doesn’t have a kid, so he tries to get his brother to quit being a monk and be the next shogun. He says okay, but then the shogun has a kid. So now who’s it gonna be? Vote now on your phones! And everyone voted so hard, that the palace caught on fire and burned down. The shogun actually didn’t care, he was somewhere doing poetry. And the whole country broke into pieces. Everyone is fighting with each other for local power, and it’s anybody’s game. Knock knock, it’s Europe. No, they’re not here to take over (yet). They just wanna sell some noot. Like clocks. And guns. And ♫ Jesus ♫ So that’s cool, but everyone’s still fighting each other for control, now with guns. And wouldn’t it be nice to control the capital, which right now is puppets, with no one controlling them. This clan is ready to make a run for it. But first, they have to trample this smaller clan which is in the way. Surprise! Smaller clan wins, and the leader of that clan steals the idea of invading the capital, and invades the capital. It goes very well. He’s about halfway through conquering Japan, when someone who works for him kills him. And then someone else who works for him kills him. And that guy finishes conquering Japan. And then he confiscated everybody’s swords. And made some rules. “And now I’m going to invade Korea, and then hopefully China,” he said, and failed, and also died. But before he died, he told these 5 guys to take care of his 5 year old son until he’s old enough to be the next ruler of Japan. And the 5 guys said “Yeah, right. It’s not gonna be this kid, it’s gonna be one of us. Because we’re grownups. And it’s probably gonna be this guy who happens to be way more rich and powerful than he others. A lot of people support him, but a lot of people support not supporting him. They have a fight. He wins! And starts a new government right here. ♫ Edo ♫ And he still lets the emperor dress like an emperor, and have very nice things. But don’t get confused, this is he new government, and they are very strict. So strict, they closed the country. No one can leave, and no one can come in. Except for the Dutch, they want to buy and sell noot, but they have to do it right here. Now that the entire country was not at war with itself, the population increased a lot. Business increased, schools were opened, roads were built, everyone could read, books were published, poetry, plays, nootytimes, puppet shows, and Dutch studies. People studied European science from books they bought from the Dutch. We’re talking geography, skeletons, physics, chemistry, astronomy, and maybe even electricity. Over time the economic and cultural prosperity began to gradually slow dow- …..Knock knock. It’s the United States. With huge boats. With guns. Gunboats. "Open the country. Stop having it be closed.” said the United States. There was really nothing they could do, so they signed a contract that lets United States, Britain, and Russia visit Japan when they want. Chōshu and Satsuma hated that. “That sucks,” they said. “This sucks!” And with very little outside help, they overthrew he shogunate, and made the emperor the emperor again, and moved him to Edo, which they renamed Eastern Capital (東京). They made a new government, which was a lot more western. They made a new constitution, that was pretty western. And a military that was pretty western. And do you know what else is western? That’s right, it’s conquering stuff. So what can we conquer? Korea! They conquered Korea, taking it from its previous owner, China, and then go a little bit further, and Russia rushes in out of nowhere and says, “Stop, no, you can’t take that. We were gonna build a railroad through here to try to get some warm water.” And Russia builds their railroad, supervised by a noot ton of soldiers, and when the railroad was done, they downgraded to a nooter ton. Did I say downgrade? I meant upgrade. And Japan says, “Can you maybe chill?” And Russia says, “How about maybe YOU chill?” Japan is kind of scared of Russia. You’ll never guess who’s also kind of scared of Russia. Great Britain. So Japan and Great Britain make an alliance together so they can be a little less scared of Russia. Feeling confident, Japan goes to war against Russia, just for a moment, and then they both get tired and stop. ♫ It’s time for World War One ♫ The world is about to have a war, because it’s the 1900s, and weapons are getting crazy, and all these empires are excited to try them out on each other. Meanwhile, Japan has been enjoying conquering stuff and wants more. And the next thing on the list is this part of China and lots of tiny islands. All that stuff belongs to Germany, which just had war declared on it by Britain, because Britain was friends with Belgium, which was being trespassed by Germany in order to get to France to kick France’s noot because France is friends with Russia, who was getting ready to kick Austria’s noot, because Austria was getting ready to kick Serbia’s noot, because someone from Serbia shot the leader of Austria’s noot, or actually he shot him in the head. And Britain is currently friends with Japan, so you know what that means. Duh! ♫ Japan should take the islands ♫ Which they wanted to do anyway. So they called Britain on the telegram to sort of let them know. And then they did it. And they also helped Britain a little here and there with some errands and stuff. Now the war is over, and congratulations Japan! You technically fought in the war, which means you get to sit at the negotiating table with the big dudes, where they decided who gets what, and, yes, Japan gets to keep all that noot they stole from Germany. You also get to join the post-war mega alliance ♫ the League of Nations ♫ whose mission statement is to try not to take over the world. The Great Depression is bad. Japan’s economy is now crappy. But the military is doing just fine, and it invades Manchuria, and the League of Nations is line “no, don’t do that, if you’re in the League of Nations you’re not supposed to take over the world,” and Japan said, “♫ how about I do anyway ♫” and Japan invaded more and more and more and more of China and was planning to invade the whole entire east. You’ve got mail! It’s from Germany. The new leader of Germany. He has a cool mustache and he’s trying to take over the world, and he needs friends. This also got forwarded to Italy. They all decided to be friends because they had so much in common. ♫ it’s time for World War 2 ♫ Germany is invading their neighbors, then they invaded the neighbor’s neighbors. Then the neighbor’s neighbor’s neighbor’s who happens to be Britain said “holy noot” and the United States started helping Britain, because they are ♫ good friends ♫ and started not helping Japan because ♫ their friends and our friends are not friends, plus they’re planning on invading the entire ocean ♫ The United States is also working on a large and very huge bomb, bigger than any other bomb, ever. Just in case. But they still haven’t joined the war. War looks bad on tv, and the United States is really starting to care about their image. But then Japan spits on them in Hawaii, and challenges hem to war, and they say yes. And then Germany, as a symbol of friendship, declares war on the United States also. So the United States goes to war in Europe, and they helped he gang chase Germany back into Germany. And they also start chasing Japan back into Japan, and they haven’t used the bomb yet, and are curious to see if it works. So they drop it on Japan. They actually dropped 2. The United States installed a new government inspired by the United States government. Just the right ingredients for a ♫ post-war economic miracle ♫ and Japan starts making TVs, VCRs, automobiles, and camcorders as fast as they can. And also better than everybody else. They get rich, and the economy goes wild. And then the miracle wears off. But everything’s still pretty cool, I guess. ♫ bye ♫

Always a Bridesmaid 9/?

Thank you so much for all the lovely comments and likes. I’m so glad so many people are enjoying this story. As much as I’ve enjoyed writing this story, I feel I should warn you that it is coming close to an end. I suspect based on my planning there will only be one or two more chapters.

All chapters, including this one are available on AO3.

Thanks so much to @mel-loves-all for the beautiful edit and to @almondblossomme for proofing and suggestions!


                                                   9. Better Place


“Oh my God, I have to call Sara!”


“Felicity, is this really what you are thinking about when you are relaxing in the tub with me? Clearly I must be doing something wrong!” Oliver chuckled.


“Oh Oliver, you don’t need to worry about that.” She smiled and blushed thinking about their recent activity.


“I don’t know what you are thinking Ms. Smoak, but I suspect I’d like it.”


“I’m sure you would,” she looked back and winked at him before settling back his arms as the jets swirled warm water around them.

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Europe’s Biggest Party

Yuuri Katsuki/Victor Nikiforov

2,351 words

AO3 link


Victor loves Eurovision and no one can convince me otherwise. Dedicated to @clairles who I’ve spent most of the past week screaming about Eurovision with.

(I rewatched practically all of the final for this, send help)


13 May, 21:45

Victor renamed the chat Europe’s Biggest Party

Victor added Yuuri Katsuki, Yuri Plisestsky, Emil Nekola, Christophe Giacometti, Michele Crispino and Sara Crispino

Victor: IT’S THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN

Yuuri: …what is it?

Victor: IT’S EUROVISION

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anonymous asked:

If you don't mind me asking, how many versions of Jason out there?

Oh there are so many versions of Jason out there, my dear anon :)

But I will introduce you to the most important versions of him in this post. 

Pre-Crisis Jason (underappreciated gem):

“I’m Robin, and being Robin gives magic”

The First Jason, the one with acrobats parents who were killed by Killer Croc and then got adopted by Bruce Wayne. He was playful kid, kinda bratty, insecure and you can’t help but feel as proud as Bruce when you see him mature through the run. He had a better life than the other Jasons and better relationships. He also got the best Batdad ever (seriously, pre-crisis Bruce was the best batdad you will ever see). 

If you guys ever wondered what Jason would be like without all these tragedies, then just read Pre-Crisis Jason’s stories and you will find out.

Dark knight Returns Miller’Jason:

“But The Joker is out there….there’s no telling what he’ll do”

The first one who started the “Jason has to die in every universe” circle and his death pushed Bruce to retirement. We unfortunately don’t know much about his parents or how did he meet Batman. He was extremely brutal (There would be no criminals left in Gotham if this Jason got the chance to grow up) and protective of Batman. He was also trained to be the next Batman, but unfortunately died before he could take the mantle.

Post-Crisis Jason (the one tumblr is in love with):

”Try and catch me, you big boob”

The one who died by a vote and then returned as Red Hood. He was a street kid with a criminal father and addicted mother. He met Batman when he tried to steal the batmobile’s tires and become Robin later. He was killed by The Joker after his real mother betrayed him (and stayed died for almost 20 years) and then return later after digging himself out of his grave. 

Flashpoint Jason:

“Father Todd, but you can call me Jason”

Ever wondered what would have become of Jason if he never meet Batman? Well, we got the answer in Flashpoint, a world where Bruce died instead of his parents. Jason ended up falling in with the Church of Blood run by Brother Blood. He mysteriously still died and resurrected and his hair bore a white streak suggesting that he was brought back by a Lazarus Pit. After his resurrection, Jason was taken in by the church where he turned his life around and became a priest.

What interesting (and sad) about this take is it proves that Jason would have been better off if he never meet Bruce. That Bruce actually doomed him.

New 52 Jason (another underappreciated gem):

“You can’t tell, but I’m shedding a single tear underneath this hood”

The one with harsher home life and better relationship with the Batfamily. Like PC Jason, his father was criminal and his mother was addicted. But unlike the other versions, Jason’s father was abusive toward him and his mother. He trained under Batman, LoA and All Caste (he’s seriously strong). Teamed up with Kori and Roy for awhile (and become one of the top ten most wanted criminal in the world), Started a company with Roy and now he’s teaming up with Artemis and Bizarro.

He is the current version that being used in the main DC universe and honestly? I’m pretty fond of him :)

Arkhamverse Jason:

“It’s personal, very personal”

The one who never died, but you will wish that he did (seriously, his life freaking sucks in this universe). Jason was kidnapped by the Joker and tortured both physically and mentally for a year. The Joker brainwashed Jason to hate Bruce and even get close enough to telling him Batman’s identity before Joker shot Jason and send the video to Batman making him think that Jason was dead. After The Joker died, Jason become Arkham Knight and worked with Scarecrow to takeover Gotham and break & kill Batman. He formed a militia and had Deathstroke as his right hand.

At the end of the game and after Bruce defeated Jason and stopped his army, Bruce was kidnapped by Scarecrow which resulted in a broken Jason saving him.

Honorable mention: Bombshells’ Jason

“If all the good people left Spain, then who would be left to fight for her?”

In this version, Jason was taken under Kate and Renee care. He was born during a war and refused to leave when everyone did to protect his country. He was described as cunning and clever who helped out Kate and Renee a lot. He died later in Kate’s arms which affected her and Renee deeply.

Yay, another long post and I’m tagging this because I was planning to do a post about different versions of Jason anyway.

Sasuke  and Naruto High School Relationship Headcanons

I had so much fun writing this, that Tumblr decided to delete them so I could write them again :) 

The second part is sarcasm, but I actually loved these two headcanons

Originally posted by ashiros

Naruto Uzumaki

SFW

• He is an awful student. Most of the time, he doesn’t care about it, but after he fails every exam possible, Naruto wishes he could put all the books on his head and learn by osmosis -at least he knows that concept-. So most of your dates before Exam Week are study sessions. Despite all your efforts, they aren’t very efficient: the first hour, Naruto calls you sensei and laughs after every word you pronounce; after that, he gets tired and protests until you take a break.

• Loves when you bring him lunch. Although it is not ramen, Naruto thinks your bentos are the most delicious thing ever. He especially likes when you decorate them and make small bears with the rice, or when you put ‘Naruto’ on his plate. You’ll eat the food together, with Naruto trying to steal your part in not very stealthy attempts.

• Takes you to Ichiraku very often after school. There you two eat lots of ramen and blurt bad puns and laugh at your own silliness. Naruto finds incredibly cute when you get some food on your cheeks; he’ll only tell you at the end of the date and smile at your embarrassment, depending on his mood, he’ll either help you to clean with a napkin or lick it clean. After you leave the restaurant, he always kisses you.

• After he realized his feelings, he immediately confessed. Naruto was very surprised when you returned his feelings, as he told you with the certainty of failure. How would someone as beautiful, intelligent and gentle as you care for someone like him? He was on cloud nine. That day Naruto told everyone you were together, interrupted with his laughs several classes and gave you countless kisses.

• Tried to be the class president to impress you. The school was full of Vote for Naruto posters, he even made a list of campaign promises. He was desolated when Sasuke won. His friend didn’t even try, Sakura – to Sasuke’s chagrin – proposed him and all the class, except for you, voted for him. You spent several days cheering Naruto up and stopping him from fighting with Sasuke.

• You have lots of couple stuff. Almost every week Naruto appears at your desk with a big grin and a gift. You have couple rings, bracelets, phone decorations and shirts. Those little trinkets enthusiasm him a lot, for Naruto, it is a reminder of your love.

Originally posted by narutokunaii

Sasuke Uchiha

SFW

• He confessed to you in an attack of jealousy. Sasuke already knew he liked you, but he didn’t have the time to care about it then: exams were coming, and he had to get a higher note than his brother had five years ago. However, when the rumor that you were in love with Naruto Uzumaki starting traversing the corridors, he couldn’t stop himself. After classes, Sasuke dragged you to the back of the main building and kissed you, he kissed you until his lips were sore and his lungs stung. You didn’t need another word to understand: “I like you too, Sasuke.”

• Sasuke is a busy student. He is the captain of the judo club, goes daily to cram school and then studies until midnight. If you were in a relationship, Sasuke wouldn’t be around you all the time. Actually, your dates would be really scarce. He is not going to throw away all that he has worked for his father’s recognition, and he needs you to understand.  But, every minute you spend together is precious to him.

• He will religiously walk you home every day, even if that means returning to school afterward. It’s the only regular time you can spend together, and he loves the closeness that you have then. He’ll invariably wait for you outside the classroom, leaning against the wall like he doesn’t care about anything. His eyes light up when you appear, but he dissimulates it with a commentary of how tired you look, which also serves him as a reason to carry your bag. He’ll wait until you are out of the school grounds to take your hand, but Sasuke isn’t going to let it go until your doorway: he likes the warmth and the soft texture of your skin and the small tugs when you get a little bit behind.

• Sometimes, you find small gifts in your desk. No name. They are Sasuke’s. They are usually small things you find cute in the walks back home. When you thank Sasuke for them he denies their true value: “that trash? Isn’t important.” You know he’s happy you liked him for the smirk that creeps to his face abruptly in class.

• There is no PDA at school. Sasuke has some rabid fangirls and he is afraid they are going to harass you. All your contact in classes is reduced to slight touches of hands and short glances. Sometimes, in the middle of an exam, you can feel his eyes in your neck. However, he takes you to the roof for lunch every day.

• Sasuke hates school festivals. It’s a day less for studying and the whole celebration is useless. The worst part is that his class always votes for some kind of performance that includes him with his torso naked. He always manages to escape in the middle of the event, though. He usually spends the rest of the day in the roof, eating onigiri and listening to your impressions of the festival.

Surprisingly Pleasant Part 3

Josh Dun x reader

Read the rest: Part 1, Part 2

Summary: Typically, accepting an offer to hang out with a bunch of strangers is a bit risky, but sometimes, you can’t say no.

Words: 1,514

Tags: @adrift-in-a-sea, @merlecorgi, @that-clique-life

A/N: Here is the last part!

Honestly, you were tired of being at the amusement park everyday for work. But hanging out with Josh and his friends was different.

Keep reading

Invader ZIM Episodes in a Nutshell:

The Nightmare Begins: Alien goes to Earth and discovers a seething hatred for big-head-boy. Naturally, shipping ensues.

Bestest Friend: Zim discovers his first fanboy. The call was coming from inside the house.

NanoZIM: Zim puts himself inside Dib. Vore happens.

Parent Teacher Night: Zim’s robo father gets horrid flashbacks from his time in the war and no one does anything to help him.

Walk of Doom: Cameos. Cameos everywhere.

Germs: Zim apparently suffers from mania and goes into an obsessive cleaning episode. No one helps him or calls an ambulance when he terrorizes patrons of a MacMeaties.

Dark Harvest: This episode will fuck you up. Some strange level of vore happens I don’t even know.

Attack of the Saucer Morons: Zim discovers his fanbase and promptly does nothing to take advantage of it.

The Wettening: Dib jumps in a puddle and it all goes to shit.

Career Day: Molt; /mōlt/ (of an animal) shed old feathers, hair, or skin, or an old shell, to make way for a new growth.

Battle Dib: Dib steals Gaz’s pizza like a dick and gets what he deserves.

Planet Jackers: The entire planet gets kidnapped and Dib is too stupid to notice even after being told.

Rise of the Zitboy: All glory to the hypno-pimple.

Invasion of the Idiot Dog Brain: Gir goes to great lengths to acquire tacos, causing the great adolescent taco desire of 2007.

Bad, Bad Rubber Piggy: Grandfather paradox. Gir explodes.

A Room With A Moose: Zim literally could have hurled the bus into a black hole or just opened the windows to suck all oxygen and life from his enemies, but no, he chooses a moose room. He fails.

Hamstergeddon: Zim creates his own hamster son. He kills it like a good father.

Plauge of Babies: Earth babies come from space. Confirmed space is a big vagina.

Bloaty’s Pizza Hog: Gaz has daddy issues.

Door to Door: Zim hallucinates a childhood mascot and is tortured by him for the rest of his life. On the plus side, he gets tuna.

FBI Warning of Doom: Mall Cop; Origins.

Bolognius Maximus: The sad truth is that right now, someone somewhere is writing a vore slashfic about Bologna!Zim and Bologna!Dib eating each other.

Game Slave 2: You know E3 it’s pretty much that with the same amount of manslaughter.

Battle of the Planets: Everything aside, Zim’s plan would’ve worked when you consider gravity and shit. Also, Dib gets himself into a rock hard ass.

Halloween Spectacular of Spooky Doom: Dib really has some fucking issues he needs to work out.

Mysterious Mysteries: Nothing matters anymore. Everyone is crazy.

Future Dib: Gaz was going to kill her own brother like she was really going to fucking do it. She was not afraid to taste blood.

Hobo 13: R. Lee Ermey/Richard Horvitz cage match.

Walk For Your Lives: (Slo Mo Guys background music intensifies)

Megadoomer: They see him rollin’. They hatin’.

Lice: Dib makes an asshole of himself. It’s hard to watch.

Abducted: You’ll wait for probes to happen. Probes do not happen.

The Sad, Sad Tale of Chickenfoot: Dib goes on an adventure to learn about otherkin and does not like what he finds.

GIR Goes Crazy and Stuff: No one suffered more than Squid Man.

Dib’s Wonderful Life of Doom: Directed by M. Night Shyamalan.

Tak the Hideous New Girl: Alien who happens to be female comes to earth to fuck up Zim’s shit. Naturally, everyone supports what would be a hate-fueled abusive relationship.

Backseat Drivers From Beyond the Stars: This is, in fact, the last you will ever see of the Resisty. Yes, that is their name.

Mortos Der Soulstealer: You’re pretty sure this is a documentary on the life of your roommate.

Zim Eats Waffles: This could have been a set up for hidden camera porn but thankfully Gir had more taste than that.

The Girl Who Cried Gnome: Zim leaps behind a girl, grabs her by the waist, and yanks her out of a hole. You may or may not get a boner, but either way you’ll feel like a sick person for watching it.

Dibship Rising: Tak’s ship discovers it is Dibkin. It realizes how stupid that actually sounds and kills itself.

Vindicated!: Mr. Dwicky didn’t mean anything to you until you got old and realized you’re just like him. Only in your version you won’t get abducted by Plookesians.

The Voting of the Doomed: Illuminati confirmed.

Gaz, Taster of Pork: Dib lays a nastyass curse on his sister’s mouth.

The Frycook What Came from All That Space: This is the umpteenth time Zim uses vore to favor him. It even works this time. You’ll be left wondering just how many times Zim plans on being swallowed.

The Most Horrible X-Mas Ever: Everyone dies alone and jolly under the Santa Dome before the Simpsons did it.

bonnienoise  asked:

i'm so confused that i can't help but ask wth happened that roman reigns isn't popular anymore??

oh sweet summer child

roman reigns’ “popularity” is a very complicated beast. he’s popular in the sense that he is one the wwe’s biggest merch movers, is consistently highlighted in shows and ppvs, and has a pretty decent following among young kids and ladies. which by company standards is enough. but for smart ass fans who think they know everything about wrestling and how the wwe should be run, it’s not.

for what it’s worth, a big part of the blame lies with the wwe. vince mcmahon saw that roman was big, pretty, homegrown and had a family pedigree within the company, and strapped a rocket to him before he was ready. when he was with the shield, he was fine. people loved him as the big silent powerhouse as long as he had the dynamic of seth rollins and dean ambrose to bounce off of, and the crowd went bananas whenever he wrecked shit (they still do, honestly). his problems started when they split about three years ago, and his weaknesses became more apparent. he’s a brilliant athlete and fast learner, but he doesn’t have the agile diverse moveset of some indie worker who’s been wrestling since he was a teenager. he’s also a naturally quiet person who doesn’t do well having to recite long monologues in front of a huge crowds, but the wwe kept on writing bad scripts for him that he didn’t have the mic skills to make work, and the audience ripped him apart for it.

then he got hurt. he spent six months out recovering from hernia surgery, and when he got back he got the superstar of the year award at the slammy’s (which is a fake awards show that supposedly is determined by fan votes). unsurprisingly, the audience called bullshit. it was pretty obvious at that point that the wwe was trying to convince its audience that roman was something that he was not simply by saying so, which pissed a lot of people off. they also were giving him the misguided superman treatment - trying to show the audience that he was dominant and impressive by having him never lose cleanly, but then not giving him any real or consistent character development that would make him a heroic figure. instead, his characterization mostly made him look arrogant and bland.

this is where shit gets weird. roman got better. being dropped into the frying pan at first didn’t agree with him, but he adapted. now he consistently puts on excellent matches with fan favorite wrestlers. the writing of the show has also figured out how to better work with him, by giving him short and sweet promos, and capitalizing on the beastly nature of his physicality and style of wrestling. the writing isn’t perfect, but that’s a problem consistent through all of the wwe’s shows and characters, and isn’t exclusive to roman.

but the audience doesn’t seem to care about any that. or at least, a certain portion of the audience that is very very noisy did not. most people who are actually interested in, you know, enjoying wrestling and having a good time have figured out that they can just relax, watch roman work and cheer him. but there’s a lot of people that are extremely invested in being right, and having already decided on a point of view, don’t want to give up on it. they want want to act like they know more about the wwe than the wwe, and never want to be worked, because who wants to be a mark and admit they’re doing exactly what a big fat company is telling them to do? they insist that roman is still being “shoved down our throats,” that he can’t wrestle, that he’s not worthy of the position he’s in in the company, and they give him endless shit for it. the vitriol spikes during wrestlemania season, which roman has main evented for the past three years, and this year he got the honor of facing the undertaker in what was most likely his last match ever, which sent his hater through the roof. it’s now pretty much expected that whenever roman walks out, he will be faced with a tsunami of boos, and there isn’t a whole lot any one can do to change that.

there’s also a lot of sexism involved. smarks will say shit like “only women like roman, and it’s just because he’s hot,” as though women’s role in the fandom is illegitimate and male fans have never found a female wrestler attractive. like i said, it’s complicated, and it’s at a level now that’s pretty disgusting. kids at wrestling shows who just want to enjoy themselves and cheer for roman end up getting intimidated by older men who shout them down. roman’s older brother just passed away really suddenly and twitter was riddled with assholes saying it should’ve been him instead. but sure, yeah, it’s the “booking” that they hate, and yet you cheer vince mcmahon when he shows up.

sorry i wrote a book as a response, it’s one of the most talked about issues in all of wrestling, and there’s some incredible articles and threads written about it (personal favorites are lady j’s building an empire series which she sadly hasn’t finished yet, and tim kail’s “you will keep booing roman reigns and it will change nothing” which is amazing). and i haven’t even touched the racist aspects of it. a lot of people say that best way to remedy the situation is turn roman heel (make him a bad guy so that the boos will actually be justified). that might have been a viable option maybe a year ago, but the wwe knows what they want from roman now, and they’re getting it. and with the audience acting as predictable as they are now they know exactly how to control them. so one way or another, everyone’s getting worked.

Bring ‘Em Home, part 7

Part 6

*Dean-centric

**Vietnam War!AU/Soldier!Dean

Tagging: @myrabbitholetoneverland

______________________________________________________________

The wedding had been quick—neither you nor Dean wanted to wait, and neither of you felt like the wedding needed to be a big affair. It was a small ceremony in a local church, surrounded by your families, a few of Dean’s war buddies (including Cas) and a few of your coworkers from the hospital.

Afterward, the two of you went off on a two-week vacation to Arizona to view the Grand Canyon. Neither of you had ever had a better time. You were excited to start your life together: together, forever. Upon your return home, you moved into Dean’s grandmother’s house, the one left to him in her will. She’d died when he was in high school and the property had remained in the family, waiting for Dean to come back home and claim it.

You continued to work at the hospital, helping the influx of veterans who were coming home injured. Dean began to work at his Uncle Bobby’s auto shop—while Dean and his father had somewhat mended whatever issue they had for the wedding, they both agreed that it would be best if they didn’t work in the same place. But they still kept in touch and it was still technically the family business.

Everything was… wonderful. Life after the war was an adjustment, but you could tell things were getting better.

______________________________________________________________

“Merry Christmas!”

“Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Winchester!” You stepped back from the door. “Come in!”

“Y/N, I keep telling you, you can call us John and Mary,” John said with a smile as he set down the large bags of gifts. “You are, after all, ‘Mrs. Winchester’ yourself.”

“Or Mom and Dad,” Mary added. “You’re one of ours, now.”

You smiled. Just then, the timer in the kitchen went off. “I’ll be right back!” you said as you disappeared into the kitchen. “Dean, please take your parents’ coats!”

“Of course.” Dean hung up the coats before giving his mother a hug. By that time, Jess and Sam had appeared, welcoming the elder Winchesters.

“I’d better go help Y/N,” Dean said. “Please, make yourselves comfortable!”

Dean stepped into the kitchen, finding you scooping the last of the cookies onto the platter. The kitchen was laced with plenty of delicious smells, you having been in the kitchen all day. (Dean had offered to help, but you’d caught him snacking multiple times.) “Hey, sweetheart. Everything good?”

“I think so. We just need to get everything out to the table.”

“You got it,” Dean said, grabbing a bowl of potatoes and pressing a kiss to your temple. “Sammy! Come help me carry this stuff out.”

Once the table was laden with food, your new extended family sat down to eat. John gave a small prayer; Dean carved the turkey. Everything was wonderful.

After the meal, Sam helped Dean with the dishes while you propped your feet up on the couch.

“I have to say, you look like you’re about to pop!” Mary said with a smile. “And yet, you still have that beautiful glow.”

“How many more months?” Jess asked.

“Three,” you said with a small smile. You rubbed your hand over your swollen belly, feeling your baby move around. “They say I’m going to gain a little more weight, a little more mass… and I already feel like a whale.”

“Well, you’re the cutest whale this family has ever seen,” John said.

“How are you feeling?” Mary asked.

“Fine,” you said. “Sometimes I get a backache, sometimes I have to take a break from being on my feet, but everyone at work is completely understanding. And Dean’s been wonderful.”

“My ears are burning,” Dean said, stepping into the living room, his brother behind him.

“Just singing your praises,” you said.

Dean leaned down and gave you a small kiss before sitting next to you. “Well, I have a lot. Which one are you discussing this time?”

“Your impending fatherhood,” John said. “You think you’re ready?”

Dean’s shoulders straightened. “Well, the way I see it, I’ve been to war, I lost part of a leg, went through months of therapy… I can handle anything.”

______________________________________________________________

It was a blustery day in March when the newest Winchester made his way into the world. Dean called his parents and his brother and they all promised to visit.

Dean was standing outside the nursery, looking through the window at his son when John approached.

“Congratulations, son,” John said, clapping Dean on the shoulder.

“Thanks, Dad.” Dean noticed this was the first time John had called him ‘son’ in… well, a long, long time.

It felt good.

“So, which one is the next Winchester auto mechanic?”

Dean chuckled, pointing at his son. “Right there.”

“Looks strong,” John said. “You did good.”

“I didn’t do anything,” Dean said. “Y/N did all the work.”

“She did the heavy lifting. But you still contributed.”

Dean couldn’t help but laugh. Was this what it was going to be like from now on? He and his father actually getting along?

“Dean!” Mary came bustling down the hall, looking like she was going to burst with happiness. She wrapped her arms around him. “I just talked to Y/N. She looks great! I’m so proud of you.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

“Dean!” Sam jogged down the hall, joining the family. “Congratulations, man!”

“Thanks, Sammy.”

“When can I hold him?”

Dean watched as a nurse stepped into the nursery and began to wheel his son out of the room. “As soon as Y/N’s done feeding him. Promise.”

Dean untangled himself from his family and went back to the room where you sat in bed, baby to your chest. Your hair was falling from the bun you’d pulled it into, you had the softest smile on your face.

“Hey, beautiful.”

You looked up, smiling at Dean. “Your mother is so excited to finally meet her grandson.”

“And somehow, Sammy’s even more excited to meet his nephew. I vote we get him to change the first diaper.”

You chuckled. “Don’t throw those moments away. You’ll miss them when he’s up and walking, which will be here before you know it.”

“Don’t say that,” Dean said, sitting beside you. “I want this moment to last forever.”

  • what she says: i'm fine
  • what she means: japan is an island by the sea filled with volcanoes and it’s ♫ beautiful ♫ in the year negative a billion japan might not’ve been here. in the year negative 40,000 it was here. and you could walk to it. and some people walked to it. then it got warmer, some icebergs melted, it became an island and now there’s lots of ~trees~ (because it’s warmer.) so now there’s people on the island, they’re basically sort of hanging out in between the mountains eating nuts off trees and using the latest technology. like stones. and bowls. ding dong, it’s the outside world and they have technology from the future. like really good metal. and crazy rice farms. now you can make a lot of rice really really quickly. that means if you own the farm, you own a lot of food, which is something everybody needs to /survive/. so that makes you king. rice farming and rice kingdoms spread across the land, all the way to here. the most important kingdoms were here, here, here, here, here, here and here. but this one was the most most important, ruled by a “heavenly superperson”, called emperor for short. knock knock. get the door, it’s religion. the new prince wants everyone to try this hot new religion from baekje. “please try this religion,” he said. “no,” said everybody. “try it,” he said. “no,” said everybody again, quieter this time. and so the religion was put into place, and all the rules that came with it. then the government was taken over by another clique, and they made some reforms, like making the government govern more, and making the government more like china’s government, which is a government that governs more. “hi china,” they said. “hi dipshit,” said china. “can you call us something else, other than dipshit?” said japan. “like what?” said china. “♫ how about sunrise land? ♫” said japan. and they stole china’s alphabet and wrote a book. about themselves. and then they made lots of poetry and art and another book about themselves. then they stopped moving the capital every time the emperor died and kept it in one place for a while. right here. and they conquered the north finally, get that squared away. a rich hipster named kukai is bored with modern buddhism, visits china and learns a better version which is more ~spiritual~ comes back, reinvents the alphabet and causes art and literature to be ~great~ for a long time. and the royal palace turned into such a dream world of art that they really didn’t give a shit about running the country. so if you live outside the palace, how are you supposed to protect your shit from criminals? ♫ hire a samurai ♫ everyone started hiring samurai. (correction: rich important people hired samurai. poor people who could not afford to hire samurai did not hire samurai.) the samurai became organized and powerful, more powerful than the government. so they made their own military government, here. they let the emperor still be “emperor”, but the shogun is actually in control. BREAKING NEWS the Mongols have invaded China. “we’ve invaded china,” said the mongols. “please respect us, or else we might invade you as well.” “okay,” said japan. so the mongols came over, ready for war, and died in a tornado. but they tried again, and had a nice time fighting with the japanese but then died in a tornado. then the emperor overthrows the shogunate, then the shogunate overthrows him back and moves to kyoto and makes a new shogunate. and the emperor can still dress like an emperor if he wants, that’s fine. ♫ now there’s more art ♫ like painting with less colors, collaborative poetry, plays, monkey fun, tea parties, gardening, architecture, flowers. it’s time for who’s going to be the next shogun? usually it’s the shogun’s kid. but the shogun doesn’t have a kid, so he tries to get his brother to quit being a monk and be the next shogun. he says ok. but then the shogun has a kid. so now who’s it gonna be? vote now on your phones. and everyone voted so hard that the palace caught on fire and burned down. the shogun actually didn’t care, he was off somewhere doing poetry. and the whole country broke into pieces. everyone is fighting with each other for local power, and it’s anybody’s game. knock knock. it’s europe. no, they’re not here to take over (yet) they just wanna sell some shit. like clocks. and guns. and ~jesus~. so that’s cool, but everyone’s still fighting with each other for control. now with guns!! and wouldn’t it be nice to control the capital, which right now is puppets, with no one controlling them? this clan is ready to make a run for it, but first they have to trample this smaller clan which is in the way. surprise, the smaller clan wins, and the leader of that clan steals the idea of invading the capital, and invades the capital, and it goes very well. he’s about halfway through conquering japan when someone who works for him kills him, and then someone else who works for him kills them. and that guy finishes conquering japan. and then he confiscated everybody’s swords and made some rules. “and now i’m going to invade korea, and then hopefully china,” he said and failed, and also died. but before he died, he told these five guys to take care of his 5 year old son until he’s old enough to be the next ruler of japan. and the five guys said “Yeah, Right. it’s not gonna be this kid. it’s gonna be one of Us. cuz we’re /grownups/.” and it’s probably gonna be this guy who happens to be way more rich and powerful than the others. a lot of people support him, but a lot of people support not supporting him. they have a fight, and he wins, and starts a new government, right here ~Edo~ and he still lets the emperor dress like an emperor and have very nice things. but don’t get confused. this is the new government, and they are very strict. so strict they closed the country. no one can leave, and no one can come in. except for the dutch, if they want to buy and sell shit, but they have to do it right here. now that the entire country was not at war with itself the population increased a lot. business increased, schools were built, roads were built, everyone learned to read, books were published, there was poetry, plays, sexy times, puppet shows, and dutch studies. people started to study european science from books they bought from the dutch. we’re talking geography, skeletons, physics, chemistry, astronomy, maybe even electricity. over time, the economic and cultural prosperity began to gradually slow down- knock knock. it’s the United States. with huge boats. (with guns) (gunboats) “open the country. stop having it be closed.” said the united states. there’s really nothing they could do, so they signed a contract that lets united states, britain and russia visit japan anytime they want. choshu and satsuma hated this. “that sucks.” they said. “this sucks!!!!” and with almost very little outside help, they overthrew the shogunate, and somehow made the emperor the emperor again, and moved him to edo which they renamed eastern capital. they made a new government which was “a lot more western”. they made a new constitution that was pretty western and a military that was pretty western. and do you know what else is western? that’s right, it’s conquering stuff. so what can we conquer? korea. they conquer korea, taking it from its previous owner china, and then go a little bit further. and russia rushes in out of nowhere and says “stop, no, you can’t take that. we were gonna build a railroad through here to try to get some warm water.” and russia builds their railroad, supervised by a shit ton of soldiers. and then when the railroad was done they downgraded to a fuck ton. (did i say downgrade? i meant upgrade.) and japan says “can you maybe chill?” and russia says “How About Maybe You Chill?” japan’s kinda scared of russia. you’ll never guess who’s also kinda scared of russia. great britain. so japan and great britain make an alliance together so they can be “a little less scared of Russia”. feeling confident, japan goes to war against russia, just for a moment, and then they both get tired and stop. ♫ it’s time for World War 1 ♫ The World is about to Have A War because it’s the 1900’s and weapons are getting crazy, and all these empires are excited to try them out on each other. meanwhile japan has been enjoying conquering stuff and wants m o r e and the next thing on our list is this part of china and lots of tiny islands. all that stuff belongs to germany, which has just had war declared on them by britain, because britain was friends with belgium, which is being trespassed by germany in order to get to france to kick france’s ass because france is friends with russia who is getting ready to kick austria’s ass because austria is getting ready to kick serbia’s ass because someone from serbia shot the leader of austria’s ass. (er, actually shot him in the head.) and britain is currently friends with japan, so you know what that means? duh. ♫ japan should take the islands ♫ which they wanted to do anyway. so they called britain on the tele to sort of let them know. and then they did it. and they also helped britain a little here and there with some errands and stuff. now the war is over and congratulations japan you technically fought in the war which means you get to sit at the negotiating table with the big dudes where they decided who owns what. and yes, japan gets to keep all that shit they stole from germany. you also get to join the post-war mega alliance ♫ the League of Nations ♫ whose mission statement is to try not to take over the world. the great depression is bad and japan’s economy is now crappy. but the military is doing just fine and it invades manchuria. and the League of Nations is like “no, don’t do that, if you’re in the league of nations you’re not supposed to take over the world!” but japan said ♫ how bout i do anyway? ♫ and japan invaded more and more and more and more of china and was planning to invade the entire east. You’ve Got Mail it’s from germany. the new leader of germany. he has a cool moustache and is trying to take over the world and needs friends. this also got forwarded to italy, and they all decided to be friends because they have so much in common. ♫ it’s time for World War 2 ♫ (the sequel) germany is invading the neighbors. then they invade the neighbor’s neighbors. then the neighbor’s neighbor’s neighbors, who happened to be britain said “holy shit” and the united states started helping britain because they are ♫ good friends ♫ and started not helping japan because ♫ their friends and our friends are not friends ♫ ♫ plus they’re planning on invading the entire ocean ♫ the united states is also working on a large very huge bomb, bigger than any other bomb, ever™, just in case. but they still haven’t joined the war. war looks bad on tv, and the united states is really starting to care about their image. but then japan spits on them in hawaii and challenges them to war, and they say yes. and then germany, as a symbol of friendship, declares war on the united states also, and so the united states goes to war in europe. and they help the gang chase germany back in to germany, and they also start chasing japan back into japan. and they haven’t used the bomb yet, and are curious to see if it works, so they drop it on japan. they actually drop two. united states installed a new government inspired by the united states government with just the right ingredients for a ♫ post-war economic miracle ♫ and japan starts making tvs, vcrs automobiles and camcorders as fast as they can and also better than everybody else. they get rich and the economy goes wild and then the miracle wears off but everything’s still pretty cool i guess ♫ bye ♫

Originally posted by e-dna-e-mod-e

Being the Maximoff twins’ sister, and dating Peter would include…

(Requested)

  • Before you, Wanda and Pietro were experimented on, back before your parents died, you three were inseparable
  • Pietro and Wanda constantly teased you, since you were the youngest sibling
  • Having a Sokovian accent, but one that wasn’t as strong as Pietro or Wanda’s
  • Pietro was the sarcastic, funny older brother, who loved to remind Wanda that he was the older twin
  • “I’m twelve minutes older than you!”
  • And Wanda being the more uptight, responsible, grounded sibling, but you still loved her to bits
  • After you parents’ deaths, Wanda and Pietro’s hatred for America and the Avengers was what led to you, Pietro and Wanda becoming volunteers for an experiment that only you three would survive
  • Having the ability to shape reality by casting illusions, a power that was given to you after Baron Strucker experimented on you, Pietro, and Wanda
  • Since Wanda is the Scarlet Witch, and Pietro and Quicksilver, you’re mainly known as Mirage
  • Being held in a separate cell next to Wanda and Pietro at the HYDRA base in Sokovia for months on end, before you three escaped during the whole Ultron affair
  • Having trouble controlling your powers at first; the ability to shape reality can be terrifying, especially when you can’t control what you’re changing
  • Wanda trying her best to help you to control your mutation
  • “You’ve got to concentrate, sestrenka (Little/baby sister). I know it’s hard, but you can do it.”
  • The two of them being extremely protective of you, especially when you’re battling Ultron’s robots
  • “Y/n, watch out!”
  • Saving the Captain America from an Ultron, who was about to  shoot him from behind
  • “Thanks, Y/n.”
  • The twins being reluctant to let you out of their sight during the battle in Sokovia, and you don’t want to leave your older siblings either. The three of you have been a team since the beginning
  • But since Clint is watching over Wanda and Pietro, Natasha promised your older brother and sister that she would take care of you
  • “I’ll make sure she doesn’t get into too much trouble.”
    And the two of you make a pretty bad-ass team, shooting and blasting robots out of the air
  • She even lent you one of her guns - which was something of an honour to you
  • After Vision annihilated Ultron’s consciousness, you and Natasha sprinted over to where you had last seen the helicarrier
  • Seeing the team huddled around in a group, and running straight towards them, expecting to see Wanda and Pietro dashing towards you to engulf you in a big family bear-hug
  • What you didn’t expect to see was your brother, your lovable, idiot, dork of a big brother, lying completely still in an escape pod, covered in bullet wounds and blood
  • The first thought that goes through your head is that Pietro is probably playing a prank on you. He’s the fastest man alive, he can’t have possibly gotten shot… right?
  • But the look on the Avengers’ faces tells you otherwise
  • And you look around desperately for Wanda, but she refuses to look into your eyes
  • For the entire trip back on the helicarrier, everybody is silent. Especially you and Wanda
  • Because that day, you had lost your big brother, the person who had taught you how to play soccer. The person who had been there to ward the bullies off. The person who had told you stories while being trapped under the rubble of your old house after the Stark Industries bombs rained down on your hometown, just to make you laugh. And now, he was gone, and he wasn’t ever coming back
  • Being recruited into the Avengers after the battle in Sokovia, and you gratefully accept. It takes a little longer for you to convince Wanda to accept their offer, though
  • After moving into the Avengers Tower, you could finally tell how much your older sister had changed, how much she had matured in such a short time
  • She barely talks to you anymore, and it hurts. It really does. Because sisters are meant to stick together, and you needed Wanda more and ever, with Pietro’s death still fresh in your mind
  • But you don’t blame her, you really don’t. Pietro may have been your big brother, but he had been her twin. The two of them had been there for each other ever since they were born
  • But ever since Wanda had spent most of her time holed up in her new room, refusing to talk to anyone, you began starting to feel incredibly lonely
  • So Natasha took up the role as your substitute big sister, talking you through your grief. After all, if anybody knew about loss, it was her
  • “He wouldn’t want you to mope around the Tower. He’d want you to keep pushing on, and love your life.”
  • Going to Pietro’s funeral, months after the battle in Sokovia, which takes almost weeks of emotional preparation for you and Wanda
  • But it’s harder for Wanda, since the wounds of Pietro’s death are still fresh for her
  • So the Avengers ask you to make the eulogy for Pietro
  • “Only if you’re comfortable with that, of course. We just thought that since he was your- your brother, that you might want to do this.”
    Accepting their offer, because you want to honour the memory of Pietro, especially for Wanda
  • “Pietro was our brother, and he sacrificed himself to save us from Ultron. We’ll never forget him.”
    Not being able to stop yourself from hugging Clint when he introduces you to his new baby boy, Nathaniel Pietro Barton
  • “Woah, Y/n, you’re stronger than you look.”
  • Baby-sitting Nathaniel with Wanda whenever Natasha is on a mission
  • “Why is he crying so much? Is he hungry? Is he tired? Did he poop again?
  • Frequently having nightmares about being locked up in the cell at the HYDRA base in Sokovia, and Pietro’s death, causing you to wake up in the middle of the night
  • And the first time the nightmares hit, you have no idea what to do, so you just lie frozen in your bed, shaking and sobbing
  • Being pretty quiet the next day, since your mind is still replaying Pietro’s death over and over in your head
  • And Wanda, being the observant older sister she is, notices how uncharacteristically silent you are, even if she hasn’t been talking to you much recently
  • But you won’t tell her what’s wrong, so she has to read your mind to find out
  • “I miss him too, sestrenka. I miss him a lot. But you can always come to my room if you have a nightmare, you know that, right?
  • Then on padding over to Wanda’s room whenever you have a nightmare, and she lets you sleep in her bed for the rest of the night. And the two of you stare up at the stars, lying in a comfortable silence
  • Absolutely despising Tony Stark, just like Pietro and Wanda, before you joined the Avengers, since the billionaire’s bombs is what destroyed your home
  • But as you get to know the Avengers better, you begin to warm up to Tony; in fact, you actually kind of like his dry sarcasm and sharp wit
  • Knowing that Tony really is sincerely sorry for the whole mortar shell incident that destroyed your hometown. He might not display his feelings very well, but you know that he’s sorry for what he’s done
  • And, over time, you start to become his favourite in the Tower (Though he’ll never admit it). The two of you always hang out together
  • And one day, Tony gets hit by one of his panic/anxiety attacks, and stays holed up in the lab for days on end. The team, who took a vote, sent you down to go and check if he was still alive
  • “He’s more likely not to kill you, Y/n.”
  • So you walk down to the lab, knocking on the door
  • “Tony, can I come in?”
  • “Go away.”
  • Trying to crack the pass code on the door. Unfortunately, you’re not a genius like Bruce, so your multiple attempts failed
  • “JARVIS, what’s the password?”
    “I’m sorry, Miss Maximoff, but Tony specifically told me to keep everybody out of the lab.”
  • “JARVIS, give me the password. I need to make sure Tony hasn’t drowned himself in whiskey.”
  • “Miss Maximoff, I’m very sorry, but-”
  • “JARVIS. Password. Now.”
  • “…Very well, Miss.”
  • Walking in to find the billionaire looking like he hadn’t showered in days, buried in mounds of scrunched balls of paper, and the stench of alcohol lingering around room
  • Tony swatting your hand away when your try to shake him out of his drunk state
  • “Who-Whozzat?”
  • “It’s Y/n. The team sent me down to check on you. They didn’t really give me a choice, but I think it’s time you stop drowning yourself in alcohol. So get up, and we can go hang out at Chipotle.”
  • “…Okay.”
  • From then on, whenever Tony goes through one of his panic attacks, the team sends you down, because they know that you’re the only person he won’t blast with his repulsor beams
  • Making fun of Wanda, and how she and Vision are obviously into each other
  • “An omniscient purple guy with an infinity stone in his forehead? I didn’t think that was your type, Wanda, but hey, who am I to judge?”
  • Using your powers to change up your room every now and then 
  • Sometimes you’ll make it really fancy with soft classical music playing in the background, other times you’ll be sitting in the middle of a jungle
  • Creating an illusion of a pet dog, since Tony doesn’t allow pets in the building
  • And the best part about that is that you don’t have to clean up its poop
  • Being there for Wanda after the accident in Lagos
  • “Wanda, it wasn’t your fault-”
    “Y/n, you know it was my fault. I killed all those innocent people.”
  • Knowing that eventually you’ll have to pick a side after the Sokovia Accords are presented to the team
  • Tony keeping you in the Tower after Steve ‘goes rogue’ and breaks the law to help Bucky out
  • The billionaire saying that he only wants to keep you safe, but you know that he’s only ‘protecting’ you and Wanda because he doesn’t want to risk you joining Cap’s team
  • Resenting Tony more and more every day for forcing you and Wanda to stay at the Tower
  • Because while all the action is happening outside, you’re staying locked up with Vision as a babysitter
  • “Vision, can’t I just go out with Wanda to the park for a few minutes? I hate being cooped up in my room all day.”
  • “I’m sorry, Y/n, but Tony firmly insisted that the two of you stay away from the public.”
  • So at that moment, you were stuck watching Wanda and Vision flirting over paprika until you managed to find a way to escape
  • Before Clint miraculously bursts into the Tower, only just avoiding getting stabbed in the forehead by Wanda, to save you from your captivity
  • “Guess I should’ve knocked.”
  • Being more than willing to leave the Avengers Tower when Clint arrives to recruit you to Steve’s team
  • Because as much as you love Tony, you can’t say that you support the idea of the Sokovia Accords
  • “Sign me right up. Also, nice to see you out of retirement, Clint. I’ve missed you.”
  • “Missed you too, Y/n. Now, let’s go.”
  • Feeling a mixture of pride and guilt when Wanda sends Vision crashing who-knows-how-many levels down into the ground so that you’d have enough time to escape
  • But you would be lying if you said that you weren’t relieved
  • Meeting Peter during the airport battle in Germany, who can’t stop fangirling over your powers
  • “Oh my god, you’re Mirage, I’m such a huge fan, you can cast illusions and make people see things that aren’t there, and, oh my god, this is so cool.”
  • Peter not being able to stop talking to you excitedly throughout the entire battle, since you’re the only person in the team who’s around his age
  • “So how did you get your powers? Do you ever use them just for fun? What school do you go to? Oh wait, you probably don’t go to school, you’re an Avenger… What’s your real name?”
  • Not knowing what to do, because you don’t necessarily want to hurt this guy. In fact he seems kind of cute; his dorkiness was sort of endearing
  • “I got my powers from the mind stone. Yes, I do use them for fun, and no, I don’t go to school. And hi, I’m Y/n Maximoff.”
  • Peter fangirling throughout the entire fight, excitedly babbling on and on about the team to you
  • “It’s so cool to be working for Tony Stark, it’s like a dream come true.”
  • “Is that- Is that the Black Widow?”
  • “That guy with the metal arm is so cool!”
    “And the guy with the wings - how do they work?”
    “Your sister is awesome, she’s like a glowing red immortal goddess.”
  • “The purple guy seems really creepy, who is he?”
    “Do you think I could get Black Panther’s autograph?”
    “I love Hawkeye so much, he’s so under-appreciated.”
  • “Woah, can you do your hallucination-power thing again?”
  • The team going into over-protective family mode
  • “Spider-boy, stop following Y/n around.”
  • Wanda resisting the urge to blast Peter to bits when she sees him flirting with you, her baby sister
  • Because she absolutely refuses to have any guy flirt with you
  • After the heat of Civil War cools over, you try to go on a few dates with Peter
  • And the team is absolutely 100% not supportive of that idea
  • “Parker Boy and Y/n are walking down by Central Park, I repeat, they are walking down Central Park.”
    “Clint, I can see you. You know that, right?”
  • Wanda glaring at Peter every time he come over to hang out at the Avengers Tower
  • “Y/n, I don’t think your sister likes me very much.”
  • FRIDAY PIZZA NIGHT
  • “Tony, just order the damn pizza already!”
    “Well, Steve wants pepperoni, Clint hates pineapple, Scott wants a meat pizza, Wanda doesn’t want any meat, and Vision technically doesn’t even need to eat. And besides, I literally can’t order the pizza, because Y/n and Parker broke all the phones in the Tower.”
  • Trying out a ‘normal’ life by attending high-school with Peter
  • Which only lasts for half a week, because you got suspended on your first day there for throwing your pencil-case at the maths teacher because your were bored
  • And you didn’t expect school to have that much homework - ain’t nobody got time to learn about atoms and algebra
  • “I don’t know how you do it, Peter.”
  • Staying up late to watch movies with Wanda almost every other night
  • “Can we re-watch and binge Parks and Rec?”
  • “Y/n, what is ‘Parks and Rec’?”
  • “Are you kidding me, Wanda? Are you kidding me?”
  • Using your powers to make Peter think that there are a bunch of spiders surrounding him - which you, for some reason, find hilarious
  • “Get it? Because you’re spider-man, hahaha.”

@jaderbugz, @peterparkerimagine,@ravenrreyes,@peter-maxximoff​, @ttelesilla. @mooney-blake, @vxodoo-u-do,@shadowylovernerd,@neverlands-little-lost-girl,@letsplayeternity,@lexy4020,@winterfellsgreywalls, @vickyheinee,@lilybutterworthstuff,@cookies186, @ aryarider5151