this was the day i met him :)

Sweden tells a dad joke
  • APH Sweden: Wanna hear a joke?
  • APH Sealand: Yes!
  • APH Ladonia: It's probably going to be lame...
  • APH Finland: Let's hear it.
  • APH Sweden: Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock knock joke?
  • APH Sealand: No.
  • APH Sweden: You are probably old enough to have met him...
  • APH Finland: ...
  • APH Sweden: He won the no bell prize!
  • APH Ladonia: Can we stay with Denmark for a couple days?

anonymous asked:

i know byron can control his composure so well but still i want to see him get super jealous. so please a byron super jealousy fic! please if you could!

Byron had spent six days with the Princess of Wysteria. She was visiting Stein, not her first trip, but the longest she had stayed- the two had quite a few intense discussions about a trade agreement, as well as touring the town and countryside. Byron was proud to show her all of the wonderful things about Stein.

Byron had met many noble and royal women in his lifetime. Probably hundreds, all of them trying their hardest to impress him, falling over themselves and each other just to get the attention of the young and handsome King of Stein.

This Princess was different, she was polite, knowledgeable, and admirable, but she never went out of her way to “impress” Byron like the other ladies, she simply stayed her quiet, confident self. She was a very genuine person, he thought.

“This is the museum of our county’s history,” Byron said as the coachman opened the carriage door. “I hope you’ll enjoy learning more about Stein.”

“I am very excited,” the Princess replied with a smile and a nod. “Stein has always been so mysterious, I can’t wait to know more.”

Byron had this strange feeling the past few days. This stirring feeling, like an excited, uneasy twinge whenever he was meeting with her. He couldn’t wait to finish his other duties to see her. He wanted to memorize her face and how she smiled before she left. He wanted to be close to her -physically close to her, but he didn’t understand why. Every time she looked at him, he couldn’t help but smile back.

The two entered the museum and began their tour with Byron as the guide. Byron directed her through the halls, and they looked at the paintings of former rulers and over old documents.

“King Byron-” a familiar voice called. “Your Majesty, please introduce me to your lovely friend.” It was Nolan Schneider, an Archduke of Stein.

“Archduke Schneider, this is the Princess of Wysteria,” Byron introduced them. “She’s visiting to learn more about Stein and discuss some politics with me this week.” Byron didn’t know why, but he felt so proud introducing her, his cheeks grew hot.

The next thing that happened made Byron’s cheeks even hotter, but not with pleasure. The Archduke not only bowed, but took the Princess’ hand, kissing the back of it, and making her blush at his touch.

Byron swallowed his displeasure. “Let us continue,”

“Oh King Byron, you know how I love history,” Archduke Schneider said. “Please let me finish the tour with you.”

Byron nodded, regretful that he’d let this oaf interrupt their pleasant afternoon. He had never disliked Nolan, but there was something different today- Byron wanted to keep this afternoon tour with the Princess to himself, he didn’t want to share his time with her.

The Archduke continued, he was too touchy-feely in Byron’s eyes, placing his hand on the small of the Princess’ back to lead her around, or touching her hand when he spoke about certain pieces of art - Byron had never touched her, and now he wanted to even more, he was so aggravated at how Nolan did so with such ease. Like it was cheap and meaningless. Nolan made her laugh too- she sounded like an angel and her face lit up, Byron had not made her laugh, and he was beginning to get very annoyed with Nolan’s antics.

Never in his life had Byron experienced this… whatever this was, and Nolan had certainly never been a threat to him- but suddenly, all Byron wanted was for Nolan to leave the two of them alone.

After the tour was finished, Byron was relieved until Nolan spoke, “What is next on your itinerary? How about lunch? I know a wonderful cafe.”

The Princess chuckled, “I mean, I am a little hungry. What had you planned, Your Majesty?” She looked at Byron.

“I was planning on going to Gustav’s, they have a wonderful atmosphere and fantastic quality.”

Nolan interrupted, “No, no - let me take you my cousin’s restaurant; we have the best food in town. I promise you, Princess,” he nudged her elbow and Byron felt a flame shoot through his chest. “Do you enjoy mutton, Princess? We have wonderful mutton dishes.”

The Princess smiled, “I do love mutton stew,” she said.

Byron did not want to make a scene, but all he knew was that he did not want the Archduke to spoil their afternoon and possibly their evening. His lips formed a tight line across his face and he narrowed his eye at Nolan, who seemed to completely ignore the warning.

“It’s this way; let me show you.” Nolan said, linking his elbow in the crook of her arm and gently guiding her along. The two walked ahead of Byron on the path, the Archduke continued to make the Princess smile and giggle.

Byron blew out a breath. He still didn’t understand what was going on, but he didn’t like it one bit. Why was Nolan so appealing to the Princess? Byron wanted her attention back on him- he wanted… he wanted her to like spending time with him. He wanted her to like him more than Nolan.

The trio sat through lunch, and finally the Archduke had to excuse himself, though not before trying to invite himself to the castle for tea the next day- which Byron put a stop to; saying they were way too busy for visitors.

Once again Nolan gave the Princess a kiss on the back of her hand, and squeezed her fingers in his before he departed. The act left Byron feeling a heat that nearly seared his insides. He sat there, completely helpless- another feeling he’d never experience before.

“I hope to see you again, Princess.” Nolan winked at her. “Let me know when you’re in Stein again, even if King Byron is busy- I would love to have tea with you.”

In the carriage on the way back to the castle, Byron was quiet. He didn’t understand what was going on, he just had this lump on his throat and this angry feeling when he thought about Nolan touching the Princess and making her laugh.

“King Byron, are you ok?” The Princess’ voice pulled him from his thoughts.

“Yes. I’m fine.” He replied.

There was an awkward silence between them.

“Archduke Schneider and you are good friends?” She asked.

“Our families have been friends,” Byron replied. “He and I grew up together.”

“He seems pleasant.”

“Do you find him appealing?” Byron stared out the window.

“Umm, Archduke Schneider is rather overwhelming,” She chuckled nervously.

“I’m sorry?” Byron didn’t understand. He turned to look at the Princess.

“He’s quite intense. I’m … sorry, this is quite candid, I hope I’m not being rude.” She frowned. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that, that wasn’t very proper.”

All Byron felt was relief. “Did you think he was funny?” He didn’t know since when he cared about ladies thinking he or anyone else was funny.

“He’s charming, I guess.” She sighed.

“Oh.”

“I actually think you’re rather funny,” The Princess said. “Wow,” she laughed nervously. “I’m sorry, I mean, I find you very fun to be with.“ She was blushing now, and stumbling over her words. “I like spending time with you.”

Byron’s mouth went dry, no ones words had ever mattered to him as much as what she had just spoken. He didn’t know how or why they’d had such an impact- but it made him happier than any other moment he could remember.

Byron had never been more scared to ask a question in his entire life. “Are you going to have tea with Archduke Schneider on your next visit to Stein?”

“I know it would be polite,” she sighed. “But I would rather not, unless you are there, King Byron.” She looked at him with a smile, a genuine, warm smile that made Byron’s heart jump. It was thudding in his chest now, and sending shivers to al his extremities.

Byron didn’t know what it all meant. This eye opening afternoon with the Princess and Nolan. All he wanted was to make sure she looked at him like she was right now - he wanted to make her laugh, make her happy, he wanted her to think only of him.

anonymous asked:

(I'm not a very good writer so pls forgive me) you were a single mom for a really long time before you met bucky 5 years ago. Now your son is 18 and has an amazing girlfriend that both you and buck love and that your son absolutely adores called annie. One day bucky comes home from a mission and hears a full on screaming fight between you and him in his room. "WELL MAYBE I NEVER WANTED TO GO TO COLLEGE MOM!" he shouted when bucky came in. "Okay, hey, what's going on?" (1)

“Oh, yeah, why don’t you tell him, (y/s/n)?” Your son sighed before looking at bucky. “Annie’s pregnant.” He said. Surprisingly enough for the both of you, bucky stayed completely calm. “Condom?” “Broke.” “Well what about a pill?” You asked. “She doesn’t want to change her whole chemical balance only for that reason mom.” “Listen. I agreed to you taking a year break to go to Europe, but how are you going to go to college now?!” “(Y/n) he never wanted to go to college. He’s not that (2)

Not that type o’ kid.” “What? But–” “mom, Annie and I were planning to have a kid in France anyways. The fact that the baby is going to be born a few months earlier doesn’t make much of a difference.” (Y/s/n) said. “You know what? Do what you think is right. But don’t come to me telling me I was right in a few months.” You said, storming out of the room. “I’ll talk to her, don’t worry, kid. Did you book everything by now? ” (3)

“Yep. The apartment is all set. So is the school I’ll be working for. There’s a bakery in the building looking for a new ownership for Annie. Everything is pretty set. Thanks for the help dad. I really appreciate it.”. “Anytime kid. Just send us a warning before the little punk is born. We’ll come and help.”. “Both of you?”. “Of course. Your mother wouldn’t miss it for the world. She’s proud of you, you know. Just scared.”. “I know. But I love her. And you, dad.” “We love you too, tiger”(4)

OOOOOooo yes I really like this, I like how Bucky was the calm one too and calling him tiger did something to my heart - Gen 

Daddy Wednesday™

one year ago today i met twiggy
yes he’s problematic and yeah i felt gross and guilty once more information came forward
but with that being said at the time it was one of the happiest days of my life and i had never felt so excited to meet someone who i really thought was a good person and someone who i thought was the coolest person but yeah idk why i’m posting this i got a lot of hate for meeting him but it really did make me feel important and happy

The First Date

Anonymous said: PLEASE DO A PART 2 FOR CHECK UP please… where like he calls the reader and they go out and stuff and they find out how much they have in common?

A/N: Check Up was such a sweet one to write, and I’m so happy to do a part two for it. Hope you enjoy!


I was definitely not checking my phone obsessively. 

After all, it had only been a day, and I knew for a fact Spencer had been busy the day before- he’d told me himself, he was taking Henry to the zoo. It wasn’t like I had expected him to call yet, anyway. 

Except that I was pretty sure that the button that turned my phone’s screen on and off was going to cease to work if I didn’t stop pressing it. 

By the time I ended my day and kicked off my shoes at home, I was losing my mind. Despite how many times I told myself that I had just met this guy the day before, and I didn’t even really know him, I couldn’t shake the feeling that had settled in my chest the moment I laid eyes on Spencer Reid. 

My phone startled me when it rang. My fingers fumbled in their effort to answer the phone, and when I finally got it, I was breathless in my greeting. 

“Hi, is this (Y/N)?” 

I may have met him only once, but I had no doubt the man on the other line was Spencer. 

“Spencer? Hi, yeah, it’s (Y/N),” I replied, a smile spreading across my features. 

“Hi,” he said. “I…well, I called you.” 

“Yeah, you did,” I laughed. “Um…how are you?”

“I’m doing well,” he said. “How are you?” 

“Wonderful,” I heard myself say. Cursing myself for my awkwardness, I pressed on. “Do you want to go out or come over or do something today?” I asked. “Or tomorrow? Or sometime soon?”

“Today?” Spencer echoed. 

“Or whenever,” I said quickly, not wanting to seem too eager. 

“Today’s good,” he said, just as quickly. My heart skipped a beat. 

“Really?” I asked. “Okay, I know a coffee shop that we could meet at, it’s just down the street from my office.” 

“Okay, I would love that,” he said, and the obvious sincerity in his voice made me smile. 

“I’ll see you at six?” I replied. 

We hung up, and I leaned against the wall, a smile on my face. 

I had a date with Spencer Reid. 



When I walked into the coffee shop after having changed clothes at least four times, I glanced around to find that Spencer was already there. He looked up and smiled at me, his bright eyes and beautiful smile making my heartbeat speed up. I walked over to the little table he was sitting at, and he stood up, smiling nervously at me. 

“(Y/N),” he said. 

“Spencer.” 

We looked at each other for a moment, the air between us alight. 

“Oh,” he laughed. “Sorry, here.” He pulled out my chair for me, and I smiled at him as I sat down, shrugging my coat off. 

“Thank you for calling,” I said. 

“Thank you for answering,” Spencer replied immediately. “And for meeting me tonight. I know it’s short notice, but my work schedule is crazy and I didn’t want to miss the chance to see you.”

“I wouldn’t have wanted to miss it, either,” I said softly. 

From there, we carried on an endless stream on conversation that lasted through several coffees each, and right up until the girl behind the bar told us that the shop was closing and we would have to leave. 

Spencer and I, surprised by the hour, hastily stood and filed out of the shop. Out on the sidewalk, Spencer offered me a smile. 

“This was really great,” he said. “Can we do it again sometime?”

“Soon,” I replied. “Really soon.” 

We turned in opposite directions, but I couldn’t help glancing back, only to find him doing the same. 

This request though 🖤

It had all happened quite naturally. Daryl had been friends with your older brother and you’d become close with him ever since you’d met. He was easy going, funny, and quiet, like you. He spent most of his time at your house, getting away from his family. Ever since you’d moved out he basically lived with you, and you weren’t complaining. You were at home relaxing after work when Daryl text.

-Can I come over? Had a bad day x
-Of course. I have a beer waiting for you already x

The doorbell rang shortly after and he entered with a fresh cut on his face.
“What happened?” You gasped, holding his face in your hands, stroking his cheeks.
“Same old,” he mumbles.
“Come here, let me clean you up,” you say, taking his hand and leading him to the sofa. You sit him down and go to get the first aid kit. Kneeling next to him on the sofa, you hold his chin to look to the side so you can clean his cut and out a plaster on it. Once done, you kiss his cheek lightly and let go. Daryl blushes and looks down at his lap.
“Thanks.”
“Anytime. Want that beer now?” You ask, getting up.
“Please.” He replies. You both sit in silence drinking and watching films. When you finally get up to go to the toilet you suddenly feel the drink going to your head and wobble slightly as you stand. Daryl instantly holds onto your legs to steady you and you look down at him smiling.
“Thanks. Didn’t realise I’d drunk so much,” you say.
“I’ll fix ya something to eat,” he says, standing up next to you, his hands running up your body as he does. You look at him with wide eyes, feeling electricity shoot through your veins.
“Sorry,” he apologises, shaking his head.
“Don’t be,” you whisper. You straighten up and head to the bathroom then come back to some beans on toast.
“Best I could do,” Daryl shrugs as he sees you enter the kitchen.
“It’s perfect,” you smile. You sit and eat then go back into the lounge whilst Daryl washes up. He joins you shortly after and you out on another film and carry on drinking.
“How’s it going with that guy at work?” Daryl breaks the silence with some general chat.
“Oh god, creepy Colin?” You laugh.
“Yeah, he wearing ya down yet?”
“Good lord no! Not my type at all.”
“Poor creepy Colin. What is yer type then?” He chuckles.
“Umm, I don’t know,” you stall, trying to avoid the question.
“Come on, I won’t tell no one,” he smirks, nudging into your shoulder.
“Well, umm, I guess tall, kinda longish dark hair, tattoos, strong, kind hearted, trustworthy. Someone who can be my best friend as well…” you trail off, realising you’ve just described Daryl, “what about you?” Daryl clears his throats before he answers, and puts his beer down on the table in front of you both.
“You,” he states, looking down at his hands, fiddling with the rips in his jeans. You turn to him, shocked at how forward he was.
“I didn’t know you felt the same,” you gasp.
“How couldn’t I? Yer everything to me,” he says, finally looking up at you. He leans in and kisses you hesitantly, not sure if he should have down this so quick, but you soon react to the kiss, deepening it and pulling him towards you. He lays you back on the couch gently, then you panic and push him up a little.
“I’m sorry, I should never-” he starts, automatically thinking it’s something he’s done wrong.
“No, Daryl, it’s not you… I’ve never… y'know,” you stutter. He looks at you then down to your body and frowns.
“How?” He asks.
“Never found the right person,” you answer shyly.
“It’s okay, I’ll be gentle,” he soothes, pulling on your hands and leading you to the bedroom. You get into the room and start clawing at each other’s clothes until they’re laying in a pile on the floor and you’re both standing there naked. You attach yourself to his lips again after seeing the size of him and getting excited.
“Lay down,” he mumbles against your lips. You do as he says and he crawls on top of you, starting at your belly button and kissing his way up to your mouth. You feel heat rise within you as he does this, and you put your legs together, feeling excitement between them. He gently pushes them apart with his feet then puts himself in the middle of them.
“It’s gonna hurt, jus’ tell me if it’s too painful and I’ll stop,” he says, looking down at your expectant face. You nod and close your eyes in preparation. He puts his fingers inside first, feeling your wetness and knowing you’re ready, then he gently inserts himself inside you.
“Ah!” You cry out, from both pain and pleasure.
“Ya okay?” He asks concerned, stopping still straight away.
“Yeah, keep going,” you nod, gripping onto his arms. He pushes in until he’s filled you completely and looks down at your face. You look up at him and smile, then reach up to touch his face and he nuzzles his cheek into your hand.
“How’s that feel?” He asks eventually.
“Good, better,” you answer, “you can start… y'know.”
“Makin’ love to ya?” He smiles. You blush at him saying it like that, bite your lip then nod at him. He slowly pulls back then forwards and builds up a steady rhythm. Now the pain has gone, all you can feel is a fullness and each thrust excites you all over. He sees your eyes roll back into your head and you start to relax, loosening your grip on him and he starts pumping a bit faster.
“Oh Daryl,” you moan. He twitches inside you, loving the sound of his name being called by you.
“(Y/N), I’ve wanted this for so long,” he pants.
“Me too,” you breathe as he picks up the pace. He lifts himself up slightly and now with every thrust he hits your clit, which brings a whole new feeling to your body and your stomach starts to tighten. You claw at his back as he leans down and kisses your neck.
“Daryl!” You shout, feeling breathless and close to letting go.
“Go with it,” he mumbles against your skin. After a few more pumps you come over his cock and feel yourself clench and relax a few times afterwards, riding out the high as he continues, eventually releasing. He grunts and holds himself inside you as he comes. His forehead rests on your shoulder for a while as he comes down from his climax, then turns to face you.
“How’d that feel?”
“Amazing,” you grin. He kisses your nose then pulls out and lays next to you, pulling your body to lay on top of him. You nuzzle into his neck and sigh happily.
“Ya think we can stay like this forever?” He asks.
“Yeah, why not?” You reply, tracing light circles on his chest.

@negan-dixon
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@reedusteinrambles
@blondielovesr5-blog
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confession time…

early today i met my closest friends for lunch. one of them was friend “A” who owing to his good looks, did modeling jobs until a generous “benefactor” took him in (condo, car, allowances, etc) things began to run smoothly and for a time my friend believed that his life is  secured for the long run or so he thought….

Then one day, he realized, the dirty old man’s visit is not as frequent as it was and the money became scarce. Good thing the condo unit and the car is under his name but other than that, he doesn’t have anything, not even a college degree (he stopped) 

One day, he was strolling at Powerplant when he saw his benefactor with a new fling; young and the last he heard used to play basketball in one of the colleges around the metro. mad, he confronted the old man and in a hushed voice ask him to restrain himself and “maguusap nalang tayo sa condo”

evening came, no one came. not even a phone call. 

weeks passed and it was the same status quo. 

of course, his relationship with the old man was devoid of love. it was a mutual and beneficial contract that entailed satisfying each other’s needs. But he wanted closure. 

“paanong closure? like he’d part you with money?” i asked. 

“yes, tutal mayaman naman sya” 

“paano pag wala?”

“he will see….”

“you know threatening a person is a criminal act, diba?”

“and so is corruption of minor. tabla lang kami, sef”

“is this worth the trouble? we are here to help you start all over” 

halfway through dinner, the benefactor’s driver arrives and hands my friend a small brown envelope and left. 

“dinner’s on me peeps”  

never been so shocked that things like this happen. akala ko sa movies lang. 

8

“Before I met you I never knew what is was like
to be able to look at someone
and smile for no reason.”
(Unknown)

BONUS: I could watch him eat food all day.

10 fun facts

@cps-oteric mine will be nowhere near as meta and insightful but here goes…

-I have 6 tattoos, all bad and gotten drunk between 17 and 21, one in particular is rather problematic, but I don’t regret any of them

-my parents met while my mom’s mom was dying in the hospital where my dad was a med student. Since childhood my dark romanticism has interpreted that to mean they’re meant to be together. I pretend to understand about their divorce but I still wish they would call it off and I still hope one day they’ll get back together.

-I also met A in a hospital. My first day of group therapy for college binge drinking and I only stayed because I saw a cute guy going into the room. I felt like I’d missed him my whole life before I met him. It’s ten years later and my life though radically different still revolves a lot around missing him.

-being arrested was not the first time I was in a newspaper. When I was a kid a picture of me standing next to Hillary was in from some local event.

-I was the head of model UN in high school. I loved the research part and hated the public speaking part. I’d get so nervous before the conferences that I’d faint.

-a famous funny author once paid me $120 (I think? maybe more maybe less) to text him a racy pic and go shopping for groceries with him on Father’s Day

-M’s birthday is New Year’s Eve. I want my next kid to be born on Halloween.

-“The Harvest” by Amy Hempel is my favorite story

-I was a vegetarian until I met A, as in hadn’t tasted a chicken nugget or any other flesh until 21

-we had a darkroom in Chicago and even though I was more the creative vision one and A was more the good at executing the ideas one, I might buy a film camera and enlarger for my birthday and start the darkroom back up in my bathroom

I can’t remember who’s already done this and who hasn’t… @mixed-beginnings
@considertheseacow @turn-and-run @fosteringfrenzy

a few days ago

i lasted 1 day at my new job which was delivery driver for this “natural” restaurant in a really busy part of town. one of the first things that happened when i got there was one of the other drivers showed me how gross the bathrooms were. he pointed to the floor underneath the urinal and positioned me so i could see the piss shining in the light. then i went outside with him to throw some boxes away and he shit talked all the managers and told me i was beautiful and that i could do better. i believed him. i didn’t make dick in tips the whole day. i just bounced. later on i met a guy on craigslist for coffee and we mostly talked about psychedelic drugs. he saw phish 59 times in the past 5 years. we were both pretty nervous and didn’t have anything in common other than our love for drugs so that’s all we talked about, which was fine. i’d rather only talk about one thing than nothing at all. thanks for reading

2

Raphael isn’t like most guys. He’s mature, successful and is actually interested in me and I’m actually interested in him. Not only that, but he is also very cute. When I think of the perfect boyfriend, Raph is a spitting image. 


Now that you’ve met everyone, let me go back to the day that all these peoples lives changed forever.

I said goodbye to him today

5 years ago when I first met him I would have laughed in your face and called you ridiculous if you told me one day I would have a crush on him. I didn’t even like him as a teacher. But gradually I started to respect and look up to him, and after two overseas trips with him I realised I had feelings for him. I’m over him now but I really don’t think I will like anyone this much anytime soon. There will always be a small part of him in me and knowing that reassures me. It feels like a great weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

It All Started With Karaoke

This story will be told in first person. Readers name is Jolene.

—–

You know the cliché, “Your life starts when you take your first breath”? Well I call bullshit on that. My life may have begun that day, but I didn’t start anything.  As the years went on, the only thing I “started” was mouthing off, ditching school, drinking, and smoking.  I may have taken rebellion to a whole new level, who knows.

No, my life didn’t start when I took my first breath.  My life started when I was minding my own business on summer vacation, singing at a karaoke bar outside of New York City.  That’s where He happened.

My life started after I met Park Jimin.

And now, I hated him for it.

————

You know, sometimes I like sitting blissfully ignorant of the things going on around me; the things that I’ve caused.  

My mom was sitting at the table next to me, on the phone with the Dean of my school.

Apparently someone put over a thousand tadpoles in the court yard fountain.

Why they automatically blame me, I’ll never understand.  I’m a straight A college student for goodness sakes.

“They have you on tape, dumbass.” My dad says to me from his spot at the table.

I whipped my head around and look at him.

“Excuse me?” I ask him.

“You. They have you on tape dumping the tadpoles into the courtyard fountain.  Do you have any idea how long it’s going to take to get them out of there?” He asks me, exasperation evident in his tone.

“Do you have any idea how much I don’t care?” I ask him, raising one eyebrow at him.

“You know, when you were younger, this kind of stuff was amusing.  You’re 20 years old now, about to graduate from college.  Don’t you think it’s a little childish to keep pulling stunts like this?” He asked me.

Heat rushed up to my face.  I tried. I tried so hard to contain my anger, but alas, to no avail.

“Don’t you think it’s a little shitty that the ONLY time you two are in the same fucking room as me is when I’m in trouble? Don’t you think it’s a little ‘childish’ that I have to beg and plead with the two of you to acknowledge that I fucking exist?” I yelled at him, standing up abruptly.

“Knock it off, you’re not a child anymore.” My dad says to me.

“How would you know? You weren’t even there when I was a child!” I yelled at him.

The yelling had gotten mom’s attention by then.  She covered the mouth of the phone .

“Honey, we had jobs and responsibilities. You understand, you must. It got you all the things you have now.” She said.

I stood there, stunned.  After 20 years of life, my mother assumed I’d rather have money, cars, and expensive things, then my parents to acknowledge that I exist.

“Fuck you both.” I calmly told them, and then walked away.

I’d left my parent’s house two weeks ago.

I graduated from UCLA 10 days ago.

I’d turned 21 seven days ago.

I’d inherited money from my grandfather 5 days ago.

I’d bought a house 3 days ago.

I left it all behind today.

Well except some money.  I’d need that while in New York City.

I was currently on a plane from Los Angeles to New York City.  I always told myself that I’d go and travel when I had the chance.  Everything just fell into place, allowing me to do so.

My grandfather had passed away about five years ago.  He had left everyone in my family inheritances, myself included.  He put the stipulation in there that I was not allowed to receive the money until I turned 21 or graduated college, whichever came first.  Thanks to fast tracking of high school and college classes, the stipulations happened almost simultaneously.

I had a nice chuckle as I remembered when we had to go to the reading of the will.

My grandfather hoarded money, and played the stock market like a fiddle.  Along with that, being the CEO of some ostentatious Fortune 500 company allowed him to have more money than I could ever dream of spending.

At the reading, my grandfather left my parents, my aunt, and her husband ten million dollars each.  He donated 50 million to different charities and organizations.  When the reading of the will was coming to a close, my mom patted me kindly on the knee and stated that “its okay you didn’t inherit anything, we’ve still got your trust fund set up.”  Like she thought I cared about the money.  My grandfather was the closest thing to a parent I’d ever had, and he lived halfway around the world.  That’s really saying something.

The lawyer’s voice droned on for twenty more minutes before he looked around the room.

“And for my beautiful granddaughter, I leave 75 million dollars.  This money cannot be inherited until the age of 21, or the completion of a bachelor’s degree, whichever shall come first.” The lawyer’s eyes softened as he continued, whereas my eyes were popping out of my skull.

“Jolene, you’ve always been a hellfire.  I don’t expect any less when you truly grow up and find your place in this world.  Use this money. Don’t be like me and let it sit for 50 years and then be forced to leave it to your stubborn, obnoxious children.  Go sight-seeing, backpack through Europe, swim with the dolphins, sing drunk karaoke in New York City. Just, do something.”

The pilot coming on the intercom saying to buckle up pulled me from my thoughts.

I had a serene smile on my face as I buckled up.

I was listening to my grandfather.

I was going sightseeing, getting trashed, and singing karaoke in New York City.

2

she had the world // panic! at the disco

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I first saw Woodstock running across a turnpike we were turning onto late one dark night in Peachtree Georgia Atlanta. Whilst we were shooting Lawless. He was a stray. 11 weeks old. Oh No we thought. Quickly Go get that dog not even sure it was a dog. Actually.  We stopped the car. It was pitch black literally. I used my phone to light the road in case a car came round the turnpike and couldn’t see me. And malletted me. And I tried to cover some ground but he was fast.  I watched this thing Running towards the highway in the pitch black making good speed towards the cars and lorries and I remember seeing what were its floppy ears bouncing towards the traffic. That dogs had it I thought. I couldn’t make out how big it was what breed it was? Nothing  just those two ears flapping away above a frantic bundle. Hurtling away from us towards impending doom that was for certain. Whatever it was had no road sense and was tearing away. I panicked a little because I couldn’t help it had no name to shout and now it was close to the freeway. I put my fingers to my mouth and I whistled. Loud as I could. The whistle pierced the black. And It stopped the dog dead in its tracks. Then it turned and set eyes on me in one swift movement the ears about faced and the dog decided to run straight at me in the darkness all flashes of teeth and snarling And shrieking. Fuck this I thought that’s not a fkn dog. What am I doing. It ran straight at me and hit me around the legs I couldn’t see but I could hear the distress and I reached down thinking I’m going to get bitten. It was so noisy shrieking. I snatched out expecting to feel teeth and grabbed a fist full of soft neck fur lifted what was actually an incredibly light weight up to my face and shone my phone at it. It was a very small bundle literally sagging from its neck fur with two big brown eyes staring straight into mine. Terrified and utterly quiet. When I got back to the car and sat in my seat he lay on my shoulder and fell asleep. And snored clearly he’d been through a lot. And now the ordeal was seemingly over enough for him to relax. Jessica asked me was he a girl or a boy. Its a boy I said. How do you know. Erm… I can feel his Woodstock. great !!! let’s call him Woodstock!!! And so it was. He was covered in dogshit. Now so was I. And we rode and We took him straight to the pet store to clean him up and buy him well things.., lots of things things dogs need and we walked the aisles the three of us letting him
Choose toys and his lead and his collar. I’ll
Never forget that night. It was wonderful. One minute he was almost dead next terrified. Then picked up by strangers then after He had a power nap in the car, the next he’s walking with his bandy leg John Wayne strut under the strip lighted aisles of this massive pet store happy and playful.
He wore a red bandana that night and from then on and drank religiously from the toilet throughout the night despite having a few bowls of water in the apartment he was every inch a survivor.  He wasnt house broken it didn’t matter we were outdoors mostly and He ate through trailer doors and made many friends and Pnut had him on the lead off set and He became our onset dog  I will always be eternally grateful to Georgia. It gave me the greatest of joys of being a dog owner  And the bestest of friends after Max had passed Woody arrived He was 11 weeks old approx. The first morning we had him. He ate a turd and we chased him to drop it but he gobbled it down because he must have thought we wanted to eat it. So he ate it as fast as he could. We just wanted him to eat some real food. He now had plenty. But there was a survivor in him. That was clear he had had to eat what he could and from then on it was clear he had food issues. But he would never go hungry again. His nickname was Yamaduki. Because he literally yammed down a duki. So Woodstock Yamaduki was his full name. Woody Thomas later Woody two shoes and Wu for short.

Woody came back to the Uk after Jess’s parents kindly looked after him to avoid quarantine they house trained him. He had my tshirt from Warrior. I picked him up from them in California when I shot Dark Knight and thanked them. He hadn’t forgotten me and despite the tireless efforts and hard work that Jessica’s Mum and husband had put into Woody he heard my whistle again and turned and ran at me and didn’t look back. I felt for them but secretly I was very happy that my friend and I were reconnected.  We all had a picnic we jumped into a lake Woody too and then it was clear Woody couldn’t swim and I hauled his ass out of the lake. Dragging him out the shit a second time cemented a pattern. I have hauled him out of rivers and ponds on many occasion since that day such was his love to chase ducks. Especially the Thames.
his rabies titer had cleared he spent a week in quarantine and he became a Londoner.

He was an Angel. And he was my best friend. We went through so much together.
Charlotte worked tirelessly with him to get him through a rough case of separation anxiety. He loved her like his Mum. And when she was pregnant he gaurded her fiercely.

He has been on many sets. Met many crews. Photo shoots premieres made many many friends he was #73 most influential animal in TIME magazine. He beat JAWS. Something we all thought was brilliant. He’s been in peaky blinders. Legend everyone who met him loved him. He didn’t have a bad bone in his body. All he knew was love.

I don’t normally speak out about family and friends but this is an unusual circumstance. Woody affected so many people in his own right so with great respect to his autonomy and as a familiar friendly face to many of you, it is with great great sadness a heavy heart that I inform you that after a very hard and short 6 month battle with an aggressive polymyostisis Woody passed away, two days ago. He was only Age 6. He was Far too young to leave us and We at home are devastated by his loss I am ultimately grateful for his loyal companionship and love and it is of some great comfort that he is no longer suffering. Above all I am completely gutted. the world for me was a better place with him in it and by my side.
To the bestest friend ever. To me and to a family who loved him beyond words and whom he loved without doubt more than I have ever known. Woody was the bestest of journey companions we ever could dream of having. Our souls intertwined forever.

A friend told me

He was special bro, a shining example of man’s best friend. He burnt very very bright and, those that burn very bright sometimes burn half as long.

Thankyou Woody for choosing to find us. We will love you and be with you and you with us forever. Never ever ever forgotten. Your Boy tom xxx I love you beyond words. To the moon and back again and again to
Infinity and beyond. Run with Max now and the Angels. I will see you when I get there.
With all of me I love you. Always Thankyou for
Your love beautiful boy.

Wait for someone who bumps mouths clumsily with yours cos they’re too busy smiling to kiss you properly. Yeah. Wait for that.
—  Azra Tabassum (aka 5000letters)
She picked something from her table and walked towards her bed. She smiled lightly and sat down slowly. “I will never meet a lot of people. I will never be able to know and understand why people act the way they do. Even if I still can’t understand them perfectly, I knew that I can relate to what they were going through. Some things will never happen, some lessons will not be learned. And some of the greatest people I met will be forever strangers to me. Yes , I will never be able to tell you the wonderful memories—if that one thing never happened to me. If it occurred differently. I will not be talking about the stars if I haven’t experience the darkest of nights. I will not be mesmerized by how the sun rises if I wasn’t awake until it comes. I will not be in love with the sunset if I wasn’t waiting for the day to end. I will not be talking about heartbreak if it doesn’t happen to me. I will not be moved by sad movies if I never felt pain. I will not be talking about deep meanings behind things if I only used my eyes for trying to realize something. I will not be here if I made a different decision. If I chose a different option.”. She looked up and gave him the thing she’s been holding. A thing he thought she will never have. A piece of paper where a date was written. The day when they met each other. The day when he had seen her alone, reading one of her favorite books. The day when he was silently listening to his favorite music. “I was starting to move forward when you saw me. And I never expected that there’s still someone who would want to be with me when I started to stand and walk. I am moving on, and so are you—from two different reasons—but it feels more precious when we decided to do it together.”
—  ma.c.a // I Remember You
  • Yurio: So have you guys met my super cool friend Otabek?
  • Viktor: Was he the one we saw in the pet store this morning petting the bunnies?
  • Yurio: What? No way! He's like totally badass! He drives a motorcycle, he DJs, he-
  • Yuuri: I'm pretty sure I saw him feeding sparrows breadcrumbs from his hands the other day, it was so cute!
  • Yurio: *internal crisis*
6

Hello my beautiful sugar babes!

I have the best boyfriend in the world. He surprised me with a eight week old golden doodle. I love this dog so much I don’t know what to do. He also ordered me a business platinum American Express credit card. And of course I still have his credit card on my Postmates, Uber, and UberEATS. He also ordered me HGH which is human growth hormone that is $700 a month. It’s supposed to make you skinny, your hair bomb, your nails amazing. Kim Kardashian and Madonna takes it. He’s in Las Vegas for a bachelor party for his brother and he’s calling me every few hours and face timing me. It’s so sweet. He’s so loving and kind. I’m so happy I have him.

I went to the Beverly Wilshire Hotel and I met this grandpa and he took a liking to me and he wants to help me in my professional career. He wants to publish articles about me so I can become famous in my career when people google me. I’m really happy I met him and I look forward to growing my professional career and maybe leaving the sugar bowl forever one day. I’m really happy with my boyfriend and I don’t really see a need to hustle guys if I can make a substantial amount of money in my professional career.

I went to Roku sushi restaurant in Los Angeles last night at midnight because I was hungry and these guys kept circling our table and when the bill came the waitress told us that one of the gentleman had paid for our bill. It was a $200 sushi tab so it was nice to get free dinner. This just goes to show that once again my proximity thing is true. You need to be around rich people to meet rich people. I highly suggest going to this restaurant there were so many rich guys there I went in my yoga clothes and Adidas slides. I literally ran out for a midnight snack now I know to dress a little bit better. He owns 40 brands of wines and lives all over the world. He invited us to attend the BET party and Yacht parties for 4th of July.

A guy asked me to go to a music festival with him in Chicago and he offered me $8000 for three days but I’m not sure if I want to go because it’s rock music and I prefer hip-hop and EDM. So I don’t know if I want to go and listen to music for three days that I don’t even like I don’t know if it’s worth it. I’m still thinking about it.

I work out at Equinox and this guy invited me to this Lamborghini and McLaren event. I guess these guys that own these $400,000 cars pay money to race their cars on the race track. There were so many rich as guys. I wish I could’ve invited you all.

Girls have been messaging me asking me where I met my guys and I met them at all different places here are some examples. These are the guys that take care of me monthly of course I have my guys that I see here and there but these are the guys I count on every month
• 30 year old Amex, takes care of my car insurance, work expenses, cell phone bill, unlimited credit card - Match.com
• boyfriend, Uber, UberEATS, Postmates, credit card, HGH, Equinox - Tinder
• $5,000 a month and all my Christian Louboutins - MillionaireMatch.com
• $5,000/ $20,000 a month Persian - Poker Game
• billionaire - Charity Event
Rich guys are everywhere so you got to keep looking.

I made some mistakes in the beginning in the sugar bowl so I wanted to share with you what I’ve learned and I hope I can save you some trouble
• always get the money and or gifts first. One of my first arrangements on SA The guy promised me $1000 for a meet and he gave me $500 after. And I didn’t know what to do so I just took the $500 I left and he promised me that he would give me the money later but he never ever did. I never made that mistake again. When I see my daddies I always say “hi babe did you bring my gift.” Don’t trust them and if they say something like “this feels to transactional” I suggest you should leave he’s probably going to gyp you. All my real daddy’s give me the money without making me feel guilty.
• only talk on the phone with them for 10 minutes at a time. Try not to call them let them call you. When I see that the 10 minutes it’s getting close I just hang up abruptly and say “hey I have to go” and I just hang up. If they want to talk to you they have to come see you. They know how to find you. Don’t worry. They didn’t die. They’re just busy. He’ll make time for you if you’re important but don’t force anything. My boyfriend told me I never called him once in 2 months. If I need to say something I save it for when I see him. Are used to make up excuses to text him. Like if I bought him his favorite Mountain Dew soda I will take a picture and send it to him. But I stop doing that and he has been chasing me ever since.
• only give him 75% of your love. My nail lady is like my therapist and she told me she’s been married for eight years and her husband still asked her to this day if she loves him. She gives me the best advice. She also asked me do I know which noodle house is the best noodle house in Korea? She told me it was a noodle house that serve the least amount of noodles. So be the noodle house that serves the least amount of noodles. That will make him coming back for more.
• always make sure your nails are perfect. I once was dating this really rich guy who owns all these medical marijuana dispensaries and he told me that he will not date a girl if one nail is broken. Now I know you may think that this is absurd but I’m talking about being a sugarbaby on a high level. In order to be a sugarbaby on a high level you need to look like it.
• you need to shower daily. I can’t believe that I have to even say this but one time I hug my girlfriend and I could smell her hair and my eyes almost white cross eyed. You don’t know how many times guys have told me that they love the way I smell I shower and wash my hair every day and I understand some of you guys because if your ethnicity that you cannot wash her hair every day but you need to figure out something to make sure you smell good and clean. And even after sex I will take a shower and guys always told me that they love me that I’m so clean.
• we are here to comfort our men if they’re having a bad day make sure you uplift them and make sure that you make them happy. One of the things I always tell my guys is I’m here to celebrate your success your happiness and your life make it about them. You can go home and complain to your girlfriends but your boyfriend is not the guy you are complaining to. We are here to celebrate their life and their success.
• I have never ever referred to any of my guys as my “sugar daddy” or asked for an “allowance” to their face. Behind their back I referred to them as my sugar daddy and stuff but to their face they think that I am just their regular girlfriend. This will build more trust and they won’t feel as used and they will probably be looser with their wallet if they feel like you’re not using them. You know they’re going to be very cautious of everything if they suspect anything. You’re going to make the most money if their guards are down so you need to build trust.
• this is also a tip from my nail lady but do not ever make them feel jealous. Even if you are dating multiple men do not let them now. Do not post fancy photos of food on your social media if they’re following you. They know that you were on a date.
• Now as I mentioned above to only give 75% of your love to them and only spend 10 minutes on the phone with them when you were with them in person you are the number one girlfriend. When I am with my boyfriend or any of my dudes and even a Rolls-Royce I don’t even look. My phone is in my bag the whole time I do not check my phone for social media or my text messages or anything. My dude has my full undivided attention. They are the king in my eyes (at the moment)
• I personally won’t introduce my girlfriends to my daddies or my boyfriend until things are really established between the two of us. You don’t even know how many girls will sideswipe you and try to fuck your boyfriend for a Chanel bag. So to save your relationship with your boyfriend and your girlfriends just make sure you and your boyfriend or totally establish before introducing them. You can’t really control what they are going to do but you can definitely control if they meet or not.
• as you guys know a lot of my dudes give me credit card. A lot of girls have been messaging me about this. To get a credit card they are going to need your real name, your birthdate, and your Social Security number. So it has to be definitely someone that you completely trust. My 30-year-old daddy and my boyfriend I know they would never do anything to hurt me. They’re the most nicest people on the planet and their goal is to just help me. So don’t give some crazy motherfucker your Social Security number just so you can get a credit card it might not be worth the trouble. But this is really nice in case they go out of town or something you don’t have to depend on them to deposit money into your bank account it’s just a credit card so you can just spend and they pay the bill. The other great thing is if someone gets you a credit card I can only benefit you never hurt you so let’s just say that they default and don’t pay the credit card it goes on to their credit but let’s say that they pay your $10,000 a month credit card like every month your credit will improve.
• always have your own separate income or business or school or like profession or something that you’re working towards. There is a very high chance that you are probably going to marry a really rich guy being in the sugar bowl you’re going to end up falling in love with one of them. But the thing is is you should still have your own thing. You could even be a part-time plastic surgeon. All my aunts married very wealthy men but they have never worked a day in their lives and their husbands cheat on them all the time and they’re just stuck in there miserable relationship. They are decked out in Ferragamo, Mercedes Benz, and have Chanel bags but they hate their lives. You want to be adored and loved. And you have to let them know that you know you could leave if you wanted to and I think they’ll treasure you more. The also respect you more.
• if you are having a slow season in your sugar game do not worry it happens to all of us that’s why you need to be dating multiple guys to make sure that you’re going to be OK. That’s also why I highly encourage you to save your money. If you need to buy stuff have your daddies buy it for you save all the cash that you get. And honestly if you can’t get a guy to buy it for you you probably don’t even deserve it. If you really wanted you will figure out a way to get a guy to buy it for you. While we are having lunch I’ll make them take me to Sephora go buy $300 worth of make up or say “babe can we swing by target? I’m out of TP” and but $200 worth of stuff. Or get my nails done with them.
• K girls you know my favorite save save save! Just because things are going really well with your daddy don’t get too excited. Guys have offered me all kinds of stuff and they fell short.
• which also brings me to another topic is don’t count your chickens before they hatch. Meaning guys are gonna promise you all kinds of stuff don’t really count on it until you have the money in your hand or in your bank account. And honestly I made the mistake of telling my friends and looking really stupid when the guy never even called me back. So keep this information to yourself and maybe later if they actually give you the money or the gift then you can tell your friends but even with that you were going to end up with a bunch of hater friends. They’re probably going to call you a hooker or something like that because they are so jealous. They probably can’t even get their boyfriend to buy them a $200 dinner. So they are really going to hate you if your boyfriend is giving you a $10,000 allowance plus the Mercedes-Benz, you get what I mean? In the real world not that many people will be happy for you. So be careful who you share your information with.
• and really girls if you want to be a sugar baby on a high level you need to look like it. Your hair, make up, skin, nails, clothes, style, everything needs to be on point. One time I saw my girlfriend who really wanted to be a sugarbaby on my level and she had open her purse and her purse was a freaking mess and her make up had busted and the make up was all over like her wallet and and her stuff. It just looks so freaking disgusting. I buy make up bags from the dollar store and if my make up bursts or breaks I just empty it out throw the make up bag away and I put it in the new make up bag. You need to be really clean for these guys. And this was also the girl that her hair smelled. I mean I’m just her friend observing and I already knew we both played in different sandboxes. She asked me if she could have my old daddies but none of my dudes would even fuck her for free.

I really want all of you guys to be really successful. I’m here to answer any questions and to help you with any of the stuff but you guys need to do your part and look your best and be healthy go work out and be the best you. Make sure you’re all there mentally, emotionally, and physically. I pray and I mediate a lot to get my spirituality and head space in the right place. I work out and eat organic food so I’m in a good mood.

Another thing is is my nail lady told me that you don’t have to be the prettiest girl in the world but you do need to have the best skin. Stay out of the sun it ages you it’s not good for you it will give you freckles and wrinkles. Use SPF every single day, reapply it all day, where a hat if you’re going to be in the sun.

If I actually become successful in my professional career I will probably quit the sugar bowl and just take my boyfriend exclusively. I am really happy with him and I’m happy with my new puppy. I love you all and I wish you all the best success in the world and I totally believe in you.

That’s another thing to make it in this field and anything else you need to believe in yourself. I open my arms and face my palms to the sky, face my heart to the sky and I say “I open my heart to receive love, money, and happiness”. I need you guys to start doing this so the universe knows that’s you’re ready for your whale :)


To all my daddies,

I want to thank you for all the luxuries in my life. I want to thank you for making sure my bills are paid, designer silk clothes, most expensive shoes and handbags, most exclusive gym membership, caring about my health, buying me healthy organic groceries, alkaline water, green juices delivered every morning, taking care of my eyelashes extensions, nail salon, eyebrows, skincare, spas, facials, hair salon, make up, plastic surgeries, laser hair removal, my new puppy, taking care of my puppy supplies and vet bills and thank you for taking care of me even when you’re away on a business trip. I will in return be the best girlfriend to you make sure you feel like a king. I’m so grateful I met you. I love you so much.

Happy Father’s Day Zaddy ❤️

Love,
Your Asian Sugar Baby

2

tiny children