this was so funny oh my god

OKAY Blame @pureren but here is my funny Shiro headcanon:

I was date checking whipped cream at work and we came to the cans of squirty cream and then I just imagined like IMAGINE if Shiro carried a squirty cream can in his jacket with no explanation no context whatsoever and he just randomly pulled it out when he was having A Day™. Like someone is like “oh haha yes gotta stay fresh, is that deoderant?”

“No.” *squirts whipped cream into mouth “okay I feel better now.”

“Shiro Iverson wants to see you in his office.” *shiro takes out the squirty cream and pours it into his mouth*

“Okay. I’m ready.”

cielamisseh  asked:

Missy for the character thing (i'm so predictable)

  • First impression

Okay, lmao, this is actually pretty funny. I…. really really didn’t like her! I was like “oh my god do we need another ambiguous older female with a romantic connection to the Doctor?? like I love River, and Tasha was fun, but this is getting ridiculous??” 

So I was just like, not that interested in her little bits through Series 8, just very “idk, I guess I wanna know what she’s doing but idk if I like it”. 

And then…. when it got to the reveal, and she said Time Lady, I was SO WORRIED she was gonna be the Rani or Romana. Because like, even though they are two very different characters, Missy would have been completely wrong for either of them, and so I was ready to be really mad there for a few minutes. 

And then she dropped the bomb. The Master. And just like that, it all clicked into place and I was like “oh my god, of course you are”, and I was sold. 

And Death In Heaven aired a week later and she’s owned my ass ever since. 

  • Impression now

I’m so fucking gay oh my god how does she do that with her soft voice and her face and she’s so evil why am I so attracted to her and how is she so funny and soft and utterly terrifying all at once, how does she do that?!

My favourite Master, with Delgado as a very close second, and if we’re putting Delgado as best Master, which feels right even though I don’t like “bests” in Doctor Who, then I consider her second best Master, without much competition. 

  • Favorite moment

Oooh. It’s got to be where she pushes Clara down the Dalek sewer to see how far the drop is, how fucking iconic, honestly. But that entire episode is just gold for her, let’s be real. 

  • Idea for a story

*more shrugging* Vault stuff?? 

  • Unpopular opinion

Idk since so many idiots think she isn’t a good Master I guess it’s that I think/know she’s one of the best, and that they can fuck off. 

  • Favorite relationship

Her and Twelve, of course. They haven’t gotten Best Enemies this good since Three’s era, and I’m so upset that we’re going to lose it. Why does Moffat have to leave?? He Gets them on a level I don’t trust anyone else to, at this point. 

  • Favorite headcanon

That she got really fucking salty when she found out he let Clara die because like, uh, she was a gift and how dare he let her get broken?? Only she was allowed to do that?? 

(She probably runs into Clara and Ashildr like a month later and becomes more chill, but until then.) 

anonymous asked:

Daya is so cute I want more Kala/ daya scenes next season imagine Wolfgang meeting entire dandekar family I don't know why I always imagine that it would be funny

I actually wrote a ficlet about Wolfgang meeting Kala’s parents for the first time. and I really like to see Wolfgang and Kala’s family meet in real life. It would be awesome to see reaction of Kala’s family by ths German guy who speaks fluent Hindi. I wonder what Daya’s reaction might be when she sees Wolfgang for the first time – would she be like ‘oh my god, Kala, he’s hotter than Rajan!’ lol.

*straight woman voice*: oh my god i LOVE gay men they’re so funny and fashionable!!!!! but lesbians make me so uncomfortable like im not homophobic but what if she has a crush on me??? ew!!!!!!!!!!!!

cocked & loaded [dwayne johnson/vin diesel]

okay, so if i were to write the academy award-winning and world peace-establishing screenplay where Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson and Vin Diesel slowly fall in love, this is what it would look like:

  • vin and dwayne would be bitter Rival Agents for an intelligence agency. both would be up for a Big Promotion.  they would both be working together (but against each other) on something something black market mafia.  the mafia would be involved.  they would be VERY CLOSE to cracking this case.  
  • whoever cracks the case gets the promotion! because things like this are always very clear-cut in movies.  and whoever gets the promotion is the Better Agent, and it’s settled forever.
  • what they don’t expect is when they finally go in to make the Big Bust on The Family is that the Big Players will still be at large–and there will be a BABY.  
  • the baby will fall into agency custody, and will require surveillance in a remote safehouse.
  • “i need YOU TWO to pretend and be this baby’s GAY DADS to protect the baby and keep The Family off our tail while we close in on them,” says Head Intelligence Captain Lupita Nyong’o.  
  • dwayne and vin and baby are begrudgingly moved to a suburb of provincetown, massachusetts. cut to shot of a FOR SALE sign being pulled down, a ford fusion hybrid pulling up behind a moving van.  dwayne and vin step out.  they are both wearing muscle shirts and mirror-lensed aviators.  dwayne grabs a baby bag, throws it over his shoulder.  vin grabs the car seat out of the back, and both of them walk-slow motion up the side walk to their new 800k beach house.  
  • here’s what they expect: passive aggressive co-existence for a couple of weeks, where they try to be the Better Dad in a bid for the promotion they both want.  dwayne will go jogging with the baby every morning!! vin will wear her in a sling when he goes to the farmer’s market and smiles at the vendors while feeling up avocados and selecting fresh caught filets of fish!! 
  • here’s what they don’t expect: their next door neighbors are going to be Channing Tatum and Idris Elba and their five beautiful, interracial babies.  they are the perfect Gay Family, but “also,” dwayne says, pushing vin inside from where he’s been grilling steaks and drinking MILLER out of a CAN in broad daylight for the Real Gay Family to see and call over from their patio!!! “these guys are the REAL DEAL.  they’re gonna know something’s up!  i know we’ve had our beef, but we gotta step our game up and work together if we’re gonna make this operation work.”  
  • “you’re right,” vin says.  he’s nodding, looking at a ground, but then up and meeting dwayne’s gaze. “you’re RIGHT.” they’re gonna make this partnership work!!! they are going to be the BEST GAY DADS.
    • CUT TO: vin and dwayne staring at the king sized mattress in the master bedroom.  “i can just–” vin says, but dwayne grabs him by the shoulder and shakes it playfully.  “no man,” he says. “it’s all in or nothing.” 
    • CUT TO: them jogging together with baby playfully squealing from her stroller early in the morning.  
    • CUT TO: vin playfully feeding dwayne grapes at the farmer’s market.  “it’s all or nothing,” he repeats, raising his eyebrows (???? eyebrow folds? idk man). dwayne rolls his eyes and TAKES THE BITE.  
  • CUT TO: channing tatum in monogrammed shorts and pink polo and boat shoes on their front door step with one of his many perfect, precious toddlers on his shoulders, asking them to dinner.  “uh yeah,” dwayne says, cool as a cucumber. he’s not freaking out (he’s totally freaking out!!).  “we’ll bring the wine.”
  • “we’ll bring the wine?” vin repeats, in a hushed voice so the neighbors and baby don’t hear them fighting. “do you know anything about wine? they probably have a second house in france!  i haven’t had anything that didn’t come from a box since–since ever! what were you thinking?” “i panicked!  it seemed like the right thing to say!” 
    • TIRES SCREECH as the ford focus hybrid drifts into the whole foods parking lot.  
  • they show up out of breath, foreheads glistening, with baby in her favorite babybjorn, feet kicking from the day’s excitement of wine shopping.  vin, wheezing, passes a bottle of red and a bottle of white.
    • “oh, a chateau coutet barsac,” idris says with a chuckle, showing the label to channing. “remember that time–?” and oh my GOD, they have inside jokes!! 
    • (”we don’t have any inside jokes!!” dwayne whispers when they immediately excuse themselves halfway through a tour of the house. “that’s because you are the least funny person i know!” vin replies. “god, i hate you!!!” they both probably hiss at each other.)
  • the worst and best part of the night is when they’re serving the roast veg salad, and channing says with the best intentions, “so, how did you two meet?”
    • “uh,” vin says.
    • “the gym,” dwayne says. which, actually turns out to be true.  they look at each other, smile soft and genuine for once at each other, REMEMBERING. before they were BITTER RIVALS, they met at the academy gym and were GYM BUDDIES.  they used to have FUN trying to beat each other’s PR on the treadmill, they used to LOVE shit talking each other when they spotted each other bench pressing, they used to snap towels at each other’s asses in the locker room and totally not check each other out or anything!!! and then they were both accepted to the same position at work and they stopped being friendly for whatever reason.  they stop smiling, they look away from each other.  “anyway.”
    • “we met building houses for habitat for humanity,” idris offers, because of COURSE THEY DID.
  • the second worst part of the night is when channing mentions during the dessert course that two weeks from now is the annual May Day Homeowner’s Neighborhood Block Party Crab Cookoff, and maybe dwayne and vin would like to host to get to know everyone else in the neighborhood! 
  • vin has had like, three more glasses of wine than everyone else, and with aid of liquid confidence, shrugs his shoulders and leans back in his chair and says, “yeah, man, we’d love to.”
    • “’yeah, man, we’d love to?’” dwayne repeats when they’re walking home, baby asleep in her bjorn. 
    • “sorry, did you want me to give ourselves away? what happened to being the best? we’re trying to be believable!” 
    • “yeah,” dwayne says, watching vin strip off his shirt and pants and toss them over his shoulder into their spare hamper before crawling into their bed.  it’s routine.  they both have their sides of the bed.  “believable.”
    • the bedroom is quiet as they face away from each other at the edges of the mattress.  eventually dwayne asks, “do you remember why we stopped being friends?”
    • for a second he thinks maybe vin’s gone to sleep.  but he turns over.  “no,” he says.  “or yeah, maybe. as soon as i realized we would both be seeing action, it became too much of a risk.  friendship.  it was easier to lose you as a friend on my terms than lose you as a friend because you got your dumbass killed.”
    • they decide to be friends again.  you know, for the baby.  for work. whatever.  
  • they get so caught up in planning the May Day Homeowner’s Neighborhood Block Party Crab Cookoff, making inside jokes and ignoring the increasing casual physical intimacy between them that they don’t realize they are BEING WATCHED.
  • the mafia is HERE and they want their BABY and they want dwayne and vin DEAD.  
  • the M.D.H.N.B.P.C.C happens and everything is going according to plan, and they are about to have dwayne judge the bisque portion of the competition, but no one has seen dwayne anywhere!!!!
  • are there warehouses in provincetown??? is there a bad part of provincetown??? anyways, that’s probably where the mafia took dwayne.  vin is FREAKING OUT, how does he save dwayne??? how does he protect the baby, who they are using dwayne as ransom for??? who will judge the bisque portion of the crab cookoff???
  • idris puts a hand on his shoulder.  he’s been watching the entire time.  “i’ll take the baby into our panic room–” OF COURSE THEY HAVE A PANIC ROOM, “and channing will judge the bisque portion of the crab cookofff.  you go save your man.”
  • CUT TO: vin getting geared up to go out and kick some mafia ass, entering their walk-in closet and grabbing GUNS and a BULLET PROOF VEST and lacing up his L.L BEAN MEN’S GORETEX LEATHER BOOTS.  
  • vin takes out the entire warehouse-or-whatever of mafia lackeys and comes across dwayne tied up and blindfolded.
  • “who’s there!” dwayne demands, like he’s ready to fight despite himself.  vin takes three strong steps forward and grabs him by the back of the head and pulls him in for a kiss.  “guess who,” he replies.  dwayne smiles.
  • just then the Final Boss shows up as dwayne is being untied and like, something dramatic happens or whatever, but it’s okay.  they die or go to jail or something, it doesn’t really matter, because dwayne and vin are in LOVE and they’re gonna adopt the hell out of that baby.
  • CUT TO: a month later.  Head Intelligence Captain Lupita Nyong’o is disappointed when vin won’t accept his promotion.  
  • “i would,” he says, heavily decorated for saving dwayne in the field and taking down the mafia family.  “but the code of conduct says that it would be a conflict of interest if i was my husband’s supervisor.” BAM! THE END.  THEY’RE MARRIED.  WORLD PEACE UNLOCKED.   DONALD TRUMP IMPEACHED.  EVERYONE LIVES HAPPILY EVER AFTER.
Stuff My Dad Said During Hamilton (Act 1)
  • Hamilton: Is this that musical that has made you obsessed with dead people?
  • Aaron Burr, Sir: If someone started rhyming my name I would leave. It's so annoying.
  • My Shot: Okay they asked who he was - this - this is not the answer to their question. Oh wait now he's spelling his name - YOU KNOW IN THIS TIME MANY PEOPLE WERE ILLITERATE!
  • The Story Of Tonight: Okay so here's drunk dudes being pals and so not flirting with each other.
  • The Schuyler Sisters: AND PEGGY IS MY NEW MOTTO!
  • Farmer Refuted: You said this was the High School Musical dude right? (Me: Yeah.) STICK TO THE STATUS QUO ALEXANDER!
  • You'll Be Back: Okay George whichever shut up and let America rebel. Rebellion is good - *turns to me* That being said ever start to rebel and you'll be grounded till you die.
  • Right Hand Man: Burr got BURR-NED! Get it? Cause Burr. Burrned. It's funny you're just being stupid.
  • A Winter's Ball: Didn't we already listen to - oh wait no this is different.
  • Helpless: Oh God I hope girls don't act like this. *I give him a confused/dirty look* I mean you should make a boy beg for you not fall at his knees. You should make him helpless.
  • Satisfied: This song is just....*exploding hand moves and noise*....Feelings.
  • The Story of Tonight (Reprise): Another drunk song. And the French dude. (Me: Lafayette) Okay well I'm gonna call him French Fry.
  • Wait For It: Did everyone cheat in this time?
  • Stay Alive: Fucking Charles Lee man. Who's Charles Lee?
  • Ten Duel Commandments: They keep saying "Most Disputes Die And No One Shoots" I feel like they're lying to me...
  • Meet Me Inside: Uh ph, Daddy Washington is mad.
  • That Would Be Enough: How do they know it's a boy? I don't think they had ways to tell in this time.
  • Guns And Ships: Rap off. This dude (Me: Daveed) Yeah him, versus like, Eminem, Jay-Z and...uh other rappers.
  • History Has Its Eyes on You: Okay this went from fun to deep...
  • Yorktown: You know we live an hour from this site...*Looks out window*...We should go and reinact this.
  • What Comes Next: Oh right. Georgey is still there. He can piss off.
  • Dear Theodosia: I feel one of them will die...just how everything is worded. AJ, do I get...feels in this?
  • Lauren's Interlude: Wait what the fuck...is he? Oh my God. Alex's boyfriend!
  • Non-Stop: This is too cheery for killing someone. I quit.
  • Pidge: Oh man, do you remember the first time Hunk corrected Iverson in class?
  • Lance: Yes! That was the best day of my life...
  • Keith: I remember Lance getting detention for three weeks when he tried to film the look on his face
  • Hunk: That's funny
  • Keith: Yeah it was-
  • Hunk: Because I thought you didn't remember Lance from the Garrison?
  • Keith:
  • Lance:
  • Pidge: Oh my god
  • Keith: OH YOU NEED ME TO REPORT TO THE BRIDGE SHIRO OK I'LL BE RIGHT THERE
instagram

ummm MOOD
https://instagram.com/p/BTm8xr7j-fI/

2

“I’d like to meet her before we work together.” They worked out that we’d meet for dinner. You know, she was 19 years old at the time. I was a worldly 24. So I was thinking, “Oh my God, it’ll be like working with a high school kid.” But I was just bowled over. I mean she was just so instantly ingratiating and funny and outspoken. She had a way of just being so brutally candid. I’d just met her but it was like talking to a person you’d known for 10 years. She was telling me stuff about her stepfather, about her mom, about Eddie Fisher — it was just harrowing in its detail. I kept thinking, “Should I know this?” I mean, I wouldn’t have shared that with somebody that I had trusted for years and years and years. But she was the opposite. She just sucked you into her world.

2

I’d like to meet her [Carrie] before we work together… They worked out that we’d meet for dinner. You know, she was 19 years old at the time. I was a worldly 24. So I was thinking, “Oh my God, it’ll be like working with a high school kid.” But I was just bowled over. I mean she was just so instantly ingratiating and funny and outspoken. She had a way of just being so brutally candid. I’d just met her but it was like talking to a person you’d known for 10 years. She was telling me stuff about her stepfather, about her mom, about Eddie Fisher — it was just harrowing in its detail. I kept thinking, “Should I know this?” I mean, I wouldn’t have shared that with somebody that I had trusted for years and years and years. But she was the opposite. She just sucked you into her world.

My Parents Going Through My Tumblr
  • Dad: Why do you post about us?
  • Me: People find you guys funny.
  • Dad: Funnier than you so I get it.
  • Me: Dad.
  • Mom: You should watch your language.
  • Me: My language? I was quoting you!
  • Mom: That's no excuse.
  • Me: Y'all make no sense.
  • Dad: What's a...Jamilton? Is that one of those ships you talk about?
  • Me: Yes. Jefferson and Hamilton.
  • Mom: Ah yes. They have more sexual tension than you and that 'friend' of yours.
  • Me: Mom oh my God.
  • Dad: Is Lams another one?
  • Me: Yes. Laurens and Hamilton.
  • Mom: Well he did shoot someone for Alexander. Even I wouldn't do that for your father.
  • Dad: Yeah she - wait, what?
  • Mom: Oh look people can comment of these posts of yours!
  • Dad: No no let's get back to the previous -
  • Mom: Would you look at that - we're more popular than you AJ.
  • Dad: HA!
  • Me: Oh my God...
  • Me: I mean no one believes y'all said it so.
  • Dad: Well...
  • Dad: That's rude...
  • Mom: You're rude.
  • Dad: The hell woman?