this was much harder than i expected it to be

anonymous asked:

So what are your thoughts on Keith's vlog? I personally feel like it vindicated your metas about Keith being lonely rather than a proud loner, him wanting to connect to people, being well aware of his flaws, especially his shortcomings to socialize and befriend people and disliking that feature. However, there are a lot of people complaining that the vlog "proved" that Keith's a jerk who treats others badly and wallows in self-pity.

I think that it contextualized/vindicated a lot of reads on Keith that I had before. No accounting for how some people will read it, obviously, but personal things that I think are very interesting:

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“We were pretty poor back in Mexico. My parents were divorced. Mom did the best she could. She was always a hustler. She’d sell jewelry, or food, or anything that she could. But a lot of nights there still wouldn’t be enough to eat. We’d survive on tortillas and salt. I was only eight when we came to America. So I was too young to understand. I think my mom thought she could make some money and bring us home. She thought she’d learn English, and maybe start a business. But it was so much harder than she expected. We moved so much looking for work. She’s fifty and she still cleans houses every day. Every year she gets more worn down. She’s been getting sick a lot lately. But she can’t afford to stop. She never will. Right now I’m in school. I always thought I had to be the best student because I’m undocumented. I thought I’d go to law school, or graduate school. But now I’m not so sure. My mom would literally destroy her body to make that happen for me. How could I allow that to happen? I’m a Dreamer. And everyone loves the Dreamers because we’re a perfect package to sell. But why am I the only one who gets the chance to feel safe? Whenever I hear ‘I stand with Dreamers,’ I always think about my mom. I’m not willing to throw her under the bus. I’m not willing to be a bargaining chip to make her seem like a criminal. Everything people admire about Dreamers is because of our parents.”

ダイアローグドラマ ~ベルトルト・フーバー & ライナー・ブラウン side~
ドラマ
ダイアローグドラマ ~ベルトルト・フーバー & ライナー・ブラウン side~

CHARACTER DRAMA TRACK from “ALTERNATIVE DRIVE” CD

Armin
: After being attacked by a group of titans that suddenly appeared within Wall Rose, the cadets of 104th Survey Corps (including Reiner Braun and Bertolt Hoover) have met up with the Eren Yeager’s troop. While resting on top of the wall, Reiner and Bertolt confessed that they were titan-shifters. Using the outstanding power of the Armored and Colossal titans, Reiner and Bertolt captured Eren and Ymir and fled for the forest of giant trees within Wall Maria, where they were planning to recover and wait until night falls to avoid facing the titans scattered around the area.

Reiner: *heavy breathing*  We’ve finally made it to here… Bertolt, how is Eren?
Bertolt: Just like Ymir, he’s still unconscious.
R: I see. It’s no wonder - both of his arms were gone when I ripped him out of his titan’s nape. I doubt he’ll be able to go on a rampage when he wakes up. It was so much harder to deal with him than I had imagined though.
B: Yeah.
R: I didn’t expect him to use those fighting techniques. I used to hold back on him during the hand-to hand combat training.  
B: Maybe he used some of Annie’s techniques? They often trained together.
R: Whatever the case, we only captured Eren thanks to you. I wouldn’t have made it without you.
B: It was only because you, Reiner, lured him to the perfect spot and gave me a signal. I had nothing to do with that.
R: No, you have the strongest abilities of all. You don’t need to wait for my instructions all the time. You should act on your own, at least a little!
B: Right…
R: Ok… I think we should put on the vertical maneuvering equipment we took. It’s swarming with titans down there.
B: If that crowd attacks us, even with our titan powers we won’t be able to reach the wall, especially if we have to carry Eren and Ymir with us.
R: It means we’ll have to wait until night falls. We don’t have any food or water, and we haven’t slept since yesterday – we’ve been fighting without any shut-eye. But we won’t let them devour us!
B: Yeah…
R: It’s just a little bit more… We’ll survive and return home, no matter what it takes.
B: Yes, we’ll return! We’ve at least made it this far.
R: So traitors, huh? …
B: It can’t be helped! We aren’t soldiers, we’re warriors! That’s who we always were!
R: I know that, but… what will Connie, Jean and the rest say when they find out?
B: Reiner… you’ve spent too much time living together with those guys! I mean, of course you’d feel this way, we’ve spent 3 long years there, after all!
R: Yeah… I guess you’re right… we’ve been through harsh training together, we’ve had conversations about everything, we even promised to all go out drinking together if we all managed to get out of it alive…
B: Yes.
R: Oh man, Bertolt, the way they predicted the weather based on the unbelievable poses you made while sleeping! I still remember the “garrison officer is searching for the toilet” one! What a masterpiece! I’ve never laughed that hard in my entire life!
B: When I woke up, I couldn’t tell why everyone was on the floor laughing… *chuckles*
R: So many memories…
B: Yeah… But… it’s all in the past now.
R: True… You’re right… It’s all in the past… It’s all over–No. We have to end this with our own hands.
B: Yes!
R: Hey, Bertolt… do you regret it?
B: You just said it yourself – we have to fulfill our duty, even if we don’t know what’s right and what’s wrong. We have to stay true as warriors and follow through on the decisions we’ve made until the bitter end.
R: Yeah.
B: Our fate was decided 5 years ago when we breached the wall and took all those lives… no, even before that – when we were sent on this mission.
R: You’re right. Somebody had to do it.
B: Of course, nobody does this because they want to.
R: Bertolt…
B: When I was pretending to be a soldier, I could escape from what I’d done for just a little while… I really could think of them all as my friends. You feel the same, don’t you, Reiner?: Yeah…
R: Yeah…
B: Not all of our words were lies… I know it may sound like a silly excuse. But it’s not surprising that they’ve labeled us traitors now. We’re not the people they used to know!
R: You’re right… There’s no point in dwelling upon what’s already happened. We can’t and won’t turn back now.
B: Yeah. That’s why we have to fulfill our mission as warriors and return home!
R: Yes, we’ll do it, no matter what it takes!

Armin: In a few hours, Ymir regained consciousness, and then Eren followed suit, as well.

Reiner: Oh, Eren. Are you awake?

10

Tom Hiddleston’s neck vein appreciation post

Imagine demon!Dean beating a guy up to death because he touched you and he got jealous. (Part 2)

Read Part 1 here!

“How-” you voice felt stuck in your throat “How do you know me?”

“He-” she glanced at the door, hesitating as if he could come in any given moment “Doesn’t matter.” she breathed out, shaking her head as if to shake the thought off and turned to leave.

But you weren’t having any of it “No” you breathed out, rushing to grab her arm “No, please.” you looked at her with pleading eyes, for the first time putting all feelings of jealousy aside “Tell me.”

“I-” she sighed, looking around nervously “He’s mentioned you.”

“He?” your hand fell on your side “Dean, right?”

“Yeah.” she pursed her lips and oh you knew that look very well, jealousy and envy “Without really wanting to, uh a couple times. Once or twice in his sleep and other during-” she stopped herself, shrugging and now it was your turn to feel that unpleasant burn inside your chest “I asked him who you were but he always brushed it off, insisting it- you didn’t mean a thing but seeing the way he looks at you just… proves how wrong I always was for believing him. And how wrong he was.”

“About what?” you said in a low voice, biting your lower lip.

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honestly? everyone is asking way too much of high schoolers and it’s fucking insane. 

every weekday they’re all expected to get up early enough to be at school by 8am and then they usually spend their whole day sitting in desks but are expected to be wide awake. each hour they have to go to a different class but they only have like five minutes to get there. more or less rinse and repeat until 2:30ish with the tiniest break for lunch and that’s their whole school day.

lunch is like only half an hour and both the quality and quantity of food served at the cafeteria has been on a steady decline for a while now. i seriously went home for lunch every single day of my senior year because the food was so truly awful. there was this point where they stopped caring so much that they literally served a piece of garlic french bread (the shitty frozen kind, you know what i’m talking about) with marinara sauce and that was the whole lunch entree. 

along with their required classes, in order to look good to colleges they’re expected to take AP classes and advanced classes and extra classes what have you, as well as get good grades in them. all those teachers then proceed to pile ridiculous amounts of homework onto them in order to “prepare them for college” but you know what? as someone who took six AP classes in high school, i think AP classes are harder than college classes. they’re probably about the same content-wise but the general environment of high school is so overwhelming and stressful that it’s so much harder to focus on actually learning.

on top of academics they’re expected to be involved in extracurricular activities, sports, music, volunteering, internships, etc. and of course this is all in order to look good for colleges. because what is free time, right?

by the time they turn 16 (or maybe earlier) they’re also often expected to get a part time job. some of my coworkers who were still in high school worked 25+ hours a week, which is a fucking insane amount of time when you’re also a full time student. 

along with all this, they’re expected to get at least eight hours of sleep every night, which is A) a fucking joke, and B) literally impossible if you’re doing everything they want you to, and also if you’re not. high school is just such a truly awful environment to be in. i played sick really often because i hated being there so much. i overslept all the time because i never got enough sleep. i graduated two years ago and i still have anxiety dreams about high school because it was such a blight on my life for four years. 

anyway if you’re reading this and you’re in high school i want you to know that it’s okay if you’re unable to meet all these expectations because they’re absolutely outrageous

happy hearts

I know everyone and their mother has an angsty Viktor backstory, but what if we just…didn’t?

Big thanks go out to @kevystel and @cafecliche for letting me yell about this at them all the dang time. 

*This isn’t to dismiss anyone else’s love of angsty hcs, but when in doubt, I want Viktor to have grown up loved. It’s totally possible to be a highly functioning athlete who is also depressed and miserable. Distance is real. Loneliness is real. You can have the best family and friend network in the world and still struggle with these things. kevystel and I have both mentioned that one of our favorite things about YOI’s portrayal of mental illness is that it shows you don’t have to have a traumatic backstory that Gave You Problems. Sometimes they just Are.

And sometimes I just need to imagine some fluff. Just let this boy be as happy and creative and loved as much as his heart demands.

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it’s a kind of magic (5/5 | 10,910 | Rated G) **

Alec frowns at a point just over Magnus’ shoulder, and then his eyes widen. “Magnus… did your house plant just wave at me?”

Magnus freezes. He whirls around and glares, hissing, “Figmund, you promised.”

Figmund wiggles its leaves unrepentantly.

Puppy (3/3 | 2,727 | Rated G)

“Magnus?” Alec called then, keeping his eyes trained on the black form on the bed, those red eyes glowing brightly, boring into his. “Why is there a dog on your bed?”

In which Magnus owns a hellhound.
Really, that’s all.

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anonymous asked:

Hi, very very hot hcs you lot have down here, can I request overstim, machine fucking, and objectification with a side of extremely dirty degradation? Thank you!

Hi so maybe a fic where it takes place at the end of dans new video and after the camera goes off and the kiss and have sex basically I would like a smut fic with phil in dans sparkly jacket please

something along the lines of Dan being edged and overstimulated so hard he cries but Phil won’t stop and yeah that’s about it do what you will with it ;)

That gif looks soooo like Dan I wanna see him rut against that blanket until he’s whining and begging gahhh 

Could you do a hc of dan having multiple orgasms because phils fucks him so hard 

 the sparkly jacket prompt is a bit outdated by now, but ehhhh

!!!!! HEY GUYS THIS IS MATT. NO LONGER GOING BY MATT. MESSAGE ME INDIVIDUALLY ON ONE OF MY OTHER BLOGS IF YOU REALLY WANNA KNOW WHY !!!!!

Tags: All the shit above

Warnings: I don’t think any


- As soon as he turns the camera off, Dan takes a long breath. Filming was harder than he expected. That of course, is Phil’s fault. Dan filmed him playing the piano in his sparkly jacket first, then, before he could do anything else, Phil had him pushed down onto the bed, pulling down his skinny jeans.

- For the better part of an hour, Phil had teased him, and then left Dan, hard and aching, to film his video. To make matters worse, Phil knows how much of a turn on it is for Dan when they share clothes (it’s a possessive thing, something Phil understands), so he pulls on Dan’s sparkly jacket with no shirt or pants to help Dan film. So Dan has been worked up while filming, and now that he’s done, tears are beginning to fall down his cheeks.

- “Lemme come, Daddy, please?”

- Phil smirks and steps over to Dan, lifting him to his feet from the chair he’s sitting in and kissing him. Well, it isn’t so much a kiss as it is Phil claiming Dan’s lips with his own, hands slipping down to push down Dan’s skinny jeans. Dan gets the message and steps out of them, breaking the kiss long enough to discard his shirt as well. “Eager,” Phil murmurs, and pushes them back so Dan falls onto his bed. “Now, what should I do with you, hmm?”

- “Fuck me?”

- “Now, remind me, do pathetic whores who can’t listen to rules get fucked by their Daddies?”

- “No…” Dan was caged for a week, and when Phil took it off him, he informed Dan that Phil would take good care of him if he could keep his hands off for a couple hours while Phil worked. In twenty minutes, Dan had already come twice. It’s been a couple days, but Dan’s still feeling Phil’s wrath. “I’m sorry, Daddy.”

- Phil reaches for the lube. “You should be, bitch. Here’s what’s going to happen: You’re going to take what I give you, no more, no less. You will not complain. You will not touch yourself without permission. You will not come without permission. I’m not going to restrain you or give you a ring. This is about self control.”

- “But-”

- “No buts,” Phil chastises, and spanks Dan sharply before lubing up two fingers and pushing them past Dan’s hole at the same time, giving him a moment to adjust to the burn before he starts to fuck Dan with them, purposefully avoiding Dan’s prostate. He quickly adds another finger, smirking at Dan’s quiet moan. Before long though, he pulls his hands away. He’s about to lube up his cock to fuck Dan while he edges him, but Dan’s hips drop to the bed so he can grind against the sheets and his left hand slips behind him to finger himself. Instead of stopping him, Phil crosses his arms and watches, eyebrows raised.

- It doesn’t take long for Dan to come, and the boy immediately realizes what he’s done and swallows. “Such a needy fucking bitch, aren’t you? No regard for rules or anyone but yourself.” 

- “I’m sorry Daddy-”

- “Shut the fuck up, whore,” Phil sneers, and grabs a cock ring to roll around Dan’s length, starting to soften. He disappears briefly and comes back with a chair, rope, and something Dan can’t quite identify. Phil’s steady hands tie Dan’s ankles to the feet of the bed and then to his thighs in a way that keeps him from moving his lower body. His hands are soon secured behind his back as well, so that Dan falls face forward onto the mattress. The something Phil brought in is set on a chair, there’s the tell-tale click of a lube cap, and then something cold and slick presses inside Dan’s hole, just far enough in to push past his already pink and puffy rim. All of it is followed by what sounds like a switch being flipped, and then what Dan assumes is a toy begins to fuck into him at a steady pace.

- Of course, a fucking machine, he thinks bitterly, biting back a gasp when the fake cock nudges his prostate. It’s going slowly, but before long it speeds up, making Dan whine. Of course, it feels good, but it’s also torturous because he can’t come or touch himself and the barely-there glances aren’t enough. Behind him, he can hear the tell tale sound of Phil’s hand stroking his own cock, slick with lube. 

- When the machine speeds up again, Dan feels tears pooling in his eyes. “Daddy, please lemme come lemme come lemme come please! Fuck me, please, let me come Daddy! Daddy please!” He shouts, like a dam has been broken, all of his pleas spill out.

- Chuckling, Phil runs a hand down Dan’s back, scratching lightly. “You shouldn’t have been a naughty whore then.”

- “I’m sorry daddy I’m sorry I’m sorry just please!”

- After rolling his eyes, Phil slows the machine to a stop and moves it and the chair aside, Phil says, “The only reason you’re getting fucked by my cock after how bad you’ve been is that I’m not going to deny myself using my little cumdump.”

- The words only serve to make Dan even more desperate, and he practically drools when he feels the head of Phil’s slick cock pressing at his hole. “Now, what do we say, Daniel?” He asks, the scratchy sequins of the jacket making Dan itch when Phil lays a hand over his back.

- “Please!”

- Phil swiftly pushes in, only giving Dan a moment to adjust before he starts moving, fucking Dan at a brutal pace. He grabs Dan’s hair in one hand to yank his head up from where he’s biting a pillow. “Such a fucking cockslut, messy, desperate to be fucked, and falling apart on my cock. You’re nothing but a dirty little cumrag, aren’t you?” His other hand reaches down to Dan’s stomach and rubs at the head of his red and leaking member.  Dan begs for release a little more, enough that Phil pulls off the cockring and tosses it aside to stroke Dan in time with his thrusts.

- It takes less than a minute for Dan to come, moaning loudly enough that the neighbors will probably complain later. He tries to collapse down to the bed, exhausted from coming twice already, but Phil keeps fucking into him and touching him, all while telling Dan what a slut he is, and how he’s only good for Phil’s pleasure. He comes for the third time not too long after with a scream. By the time Phil comes, it’s about ten minutes after Dan’s last orgasm, during which he came dry, not even hard, sobbing and begging Phil to stop, but not safewording. Afterward, Phil pulls out and just takes a long moment to observe Dan, and the way his puffy, abused hole is leaking come, and the same substance coating Dan’s thighs and the sheets beneath him.


Not sure if I like this or the ending but oh well // I DIDN’T WRITE AFTERCARE BUT IT IS IMPORTANT Y’ALL

-Emmett

Send us your sins

"Oh, so I’m still the Doctor, then?”

My absolute favourite thing about Rose Tyler is the way she accepted the Doctor’s regeneration. She struggled for a bit, but in less than 24 hours, she knew he was still the same man. 

If you question my counting, remember that this exchange:

ROSE: Doctor!
(Rose throws him another sword.)
DOCTOR: Oh, so I’m still the Doctor, then?
ROSE: No arguments from me! 

Happened immediately after the Doctor stated he was in the first 15 hours of his regeneration cycle. And really, taking 12-15 hours to wrap your mind around the fact that your best mate/the man you’re head-over-heels for can completely change his appearance isn’t much at all. 

But what I love the most about this is that once she accepts it, she never waffles, never struggles, never goes back. It wasn’t, “Okay, you’re Doctor-esque at least… I can see that you have Doctor traits in you. I’ll accept you on a trial basis, but if you don’t act the way I expect you to, I’ll stop believing you’re the same man.” 

Frankly, Rose does a better job accepting regeneration than Doctor Who fans do, and we have the benefit of knowing that it’s a narrative construct. (Or maybe that makes it harder to accept? I’m not sure, but it’s an interesting contrast to note.)

And years later, when she’s standing on Bad Wolf Bay for the second time, it takes her even less time to understand and accept that Tentoo is another regeneration of the Doctor. He’s still the same man. That’s what regeneration means–he’s the same man, with a new case. 

I can’t think of a non-Time Lord who understands that *better than Rose Tyler. Her only concern, once she accepted he was still the Doctor, was if his changes were deep enough that he wouldn’t want to travel with her anymore. Once he assured her that he’d love for her to come, her last qualm was washed away. 

On New Earth, when the Doctor references back to their very first trip together, she immediately jumps in with the reminiscing and says, “That was our first date.” (emphasis mine) I don’t think it was accidental on the Doctor’s part that he mentioned something from his previous regeneration, and I love that Rose does an unspoken, “Yes, I see your reminder that you’re still the same man, and I’ll raise it with a reminder of how close we were and still are.”

I love Rose Tyler because she has such an innate understanding and acceptance of who the Doctor is that despite how bizarre the concept of regeneration is, she knew he was the same man. Not a different version of the same man, or a different man who kept his name and memories but was a completely different person. The Doctor is the same man, always. 

Rose’s understanding of that is one of the reasons I ship every Doctor x Rose Tyler. It’s not about her being more important than other companions. It’s about her knowing the Doctor, no matter his face, and loving him because she loves the deepest part of who he is. It’s canon that Rose loved three regenerations of the Doctor. Why wouldn’t she love any others she met?

And–flip side here–this is the same reason I love stories where Rose has been altered enough by Bad Wolf to regenerate. I love seeing him show the same completely non-superficial love for her. I know that it’s easier for him to accept because this is natural to him, but still. So often in media we see men who are fixated on the appearance of the women they’re dating. I want to see a man who can watch his beloved change her entire appearance and still love her just as much as he did before.

There are lots of other reasons to love Rose Tyler. Her courage, her determination to stand for what she believes in… But this is one of my favourites.

*There are a few who understand it as well as she does, or at least close to it. Sarah Jane and the Brig come to mind. But better? I’m hard-pressed to think of any.

Oh Shit

gif is not mine

Title: Oh Shit

Pairing: Gabriel x Reader

Word Count: 1,182

Warnings: Cursing, fluff

A/N: This was requested by an Anon! I hope you all love this!! You can send in headcanons until 12/05/2016 EST for the 500 follower celebration! Also I forgot I was going to post this today, so I’ll start posting headcanons on Monday!

After a tough and grueling hunt, you wanted to let loose.  Being around Sam and Dean wasn’t going to help either.  They argued the whole way back to the bunker.  Bringing them to the bar was not an option.  You wanted to bring Gabriel with you, but he was busy with Castiel.  They were tracking down Lucifer.  You convinced yourself you didn’t need your boyfriend Gabriel to be around for you to have fun.

When you arrived at the bar, you were dressed in a pair of tight jeans, a flannel, and a jacket that Gabriel had given you.  Nothing too revealing; nothing that said “I’m available”.  You felt confident and excited to get a night to yourself to relax.  You strolled into the bar, observing what they had to offer.  There was a stage for karaoke and of course a bar where they served alcohol.  There was already someone on stage, obviously drunk as they sang, but everyone cheered anyway.

As you reached the bar you ordered a couple shots of whiskey.  You realized you had forgotten to eat before you left.  A chuckle escaped your lips, knowing that this meant the alcohol would hit you much harder than you expected.  You turned your head to the left seeing someone who hadn’t taken their eyes off of you the whole time.  You were with Gabriel, but that didn’t mean you couldn’t talk friendly to other guys, right?

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anonymous asked:

Apparently there's a type of yellowish-orange jade sometines refered to as pumpkin jade! I think I found what your gemsona would be -w-

Well, I was expecting to not make something pumpkin related, but in the end I had to give it a try!

This was harder than I thought.

Hey so since school is starting up again and a lot of people I know are going to college for the first time, I wanted to compile some advice/info I’ve learned from my first year. There are a lot of tips about general things but I haven’t seen much about how college can really deal a blow to confidence, social skills, and mental health. Some of the stuff is under the cut since this got long. 

  • Loneliness is pretty common in college. It doesn’t seem like that because everyone keeps a facade up for social media to make it look like they’re constantly having a good time with friends. It’s easy to think that maybe you’re missing out on something, or something’s wrong with you if you aren’t having a blast and going out on weekends with a big group of happy friends–after all, that’s what all your facebook friends are doing right? In reality, what you see on social media is just the highlights of people’s lives; you’re not seeing any of their lows or stressful times. You aren’t alone if you feel lonely or stressed because you aren’t living a perfect social life.
  • Chances are, you’re not going to find a close group of friends immediately. In fact, it might take a while to establish a solid friendgroup–don’t expect that you’re going to find a ride or die/tight-knit “squad” right off the bat.
  • Sometimes you won’t even form a friend group by the end of freshman year and that’s ok. It’s hard to make friends when you’re placed in an unfamiliar situation surrounded by people who are suddenly very different from you (esp. if you don’t stay local or school demographics are very different from high school); but don’t lose hope. There’s at least one or two people at your college/uni who will get along really well with you and become good, if not close friends. For some it may not take long to find them, but for me it took 4.5 months before I found someone other than my roommate I could really feel comfortable with and whose company I enjoyed.
  • As tempting as it might sound to spend the entire weekend chilling in your dorm/room, it can be really helpful to go out, even to a cafe, library, or any place with people. I’m an introvert who enjoys her own company but I started feeling like shit after a few weeks of not getting enough exposure to other people. You need social interaction at some point to survive.
  • If you find yourself thinking “I have no real friends” (which to be honest, might happen at some point), think about any people you’ve met who have been genuinely warm and welcoming to you. Even if it’s a professor, that cashier at the cafeteria, a library worker, your major advisor, the lady working in the career center. Reach out to them and ask if they want to grab lunch or coffee together. It’s so, so tempting to wallow in self-pity and quit trying to befriend people but you can’t give up. If someone’s reached out to you before and you declined their invitation, now’s the time to take them up on that offer. There are people who/will care about you, but like any relationship, you have to try too. When I was feeling my peak suicidal (and spent a day crying in my room reading reddit threads about how lonely someone was in college), I messaged a hallmate asking to eat lunch together the next day. Lunch was a little awkward since it was a big group at a circular table, but that’s how I met my closest friend on campus (we send pics and videos of cats to each other on discord regularly).

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tokyun  asked:

perhaps hair + hideyoshi for the drabbles?? ヽ(*´∀`)ノur writing is lovely btw!!

  • Hideyoshi + Hair (irresistible longing)

You’re in the kitchen helping prepare dessert when Lord Hideyoshi rolls in, a little buzzed from the evening, and puts his arm around your neck, kissing you on your hair. Soft and light. Lingering for a moment to breathe you in.

“Well,” he says, “that certainly turned out a lot better than we thought, didn’t it? The childhood friend turned lover, a new best friend, the beginning of a new life. How’d you get so lucky?” He grins at you, and it burrows deep inside the part of your heart that still belongs to him. You can’t help but grin back, warmth in your smile flooding outward, lighting up the room like it always does when you two come together.

You’re glad Inuchiyo isn’t here to overhear that comment. To have his brother-in-arms commiserate with his bride-to-be will be too much for him. He would turn sorrowful at what he sees as Hideyoshi’s loss, at Hideyoshi’s conviction that everyone else deserves better than himself, and that he, Inuchiyo, has been blessed in a way his friend will never experience.

But you don’t see it like that.

You understand it is in part Lord Hideyoshi’s way of being gracious, of congratulating you for fortune you both know is, yes, inevitable and hurtful to him, but also deeply beautiful. And if you’re being honest with yourself, you’re also flattered by Lord Hideyoshi’s attention, because it means that to him, you aren’t irrevocably damaged and off-limits; you are still esteemed in his eyes, someone in whom he can still trust and go to for encouragement and support.

He looks at you, and with his arm slung around you and fondness in every line of his face, he asks you through his smile and brightness and honeyed goodness whether you are still his friend. Because if he can not hold your heart, then he will gladly step aside for Inuchiyo. Even though it condemns him, it will not compare to the heartbreak he will have to bear if it means losing your friendship too.

The part of yourself that belongs to him, though small, and getting smaller day by day, aches on his behalf, in spite of the song your soul sings.

He wants to be friends still, even after everything that’s happened.

He kisses your hair again, locked in that moment, forever recorded in time by frayed strands of fate. And you feel every second of that silence, so warm and true and affectionate, pummelling into your heart with the knowledge that while you may not love this man, you love him for all the ways he has made you feel safe, comforted and valued through the years. For all the times you walked by when you weren’t with someone else, and he would reach out his hand and you would take it, and you’d both remain there, your hands in each other’s, Lord Hideyoshi twinkling down at you and you up at him, before finally letting go and moving on.

A rush of gratitude vibrates through your whole body, and you can not help but ask yourself, how are you so lucky? How have you ended up with everything you have? It’s a question you will always wonder about, but never find the answer to.

“Who can tell, milord?” you say, smiling at him with everything you are and handing him the first serving of castella. “We must all have a bit of luck on our side it seems.”

And from the hallway you hear Inuchiyo’s voice saying something, and then a blast of laughter bursts into the kitchen, curling itself around where you both stand, together in another life perhaps, but nothing more than companions here, in this moment, with his lips in your hair— letting slip an admission to you more truer than the stars shadowed in the night sky.

You let him. 

And then you absolve him.