this was in my drafts and i kinda like it but its shit i no

AU MASTER LIST

So here is a bunch of AU’s that I’ve collected over…. a long time. Enjoy

Awkward Meetings

  • I broke your nose in a mosh pit, sorry
  • I hit you with my car and was the only one to visit you in the hospital, this is sort of awkward, are you okay?
  • You’re getting chased by the police and you just jumped in my car and yelled drive, wtf man
  • You just punched me in the face while gesturing wildly to a friend, your friend can’t stop laughing and im too shocked to respond to your apologies
  • You laughed in a restaurant, but your laugh is really weird and I thought you were choking so I’m awkwardly humping you while attempting to perform the Heimlich manoeuvre and why isn’t this working, you’re just choking harder now this is aweful
  • We met on a Sunday morning, both doing our walk of shame
  • I get really sick on roller-coasters and you are sitting in front of me, im so sorry
  • You’re the bastard who keeps parking in front of my house and you just caught me drawing a dick on your window with a permanent marker… ugh, oops.
  • I work at a department store and if you take out and unfold another fucking shirt and just leave it, I’m going to fucking shove it down your throat
  • You broke into my apartment drunk thinking it was your friends place and I should call the cops by my cat likes you so????
  • You’re my new dealer and you just friended me on Facebook and idk how to react to that
  • You saw me reading the same book you are and now we are arguing about the motives of the antagonist
  • This is a five-hour-long plane ride, we’re sitting together and  you’re deathly afraid of flying. 
  • I got into a cab to find someone already inside
  • You thought I was your friend/sister
  • Holy shit, im in the wrong car.
  • I was walking by a roller coaster and your shoe flew off and hit me in the head and now I’m on the floor trying not to fall unconscious.
  • It’s 2am and I’m drunk and I need some salt for my fries and I know your awake so OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR
  • You fell asleep on me in the subway and I should probably wake you up and its my stop next stop but it’s okay, I can always just catch the subway back…
  • I know nothing about camping and all my friends left me at the site. Please, help me, I think I just heard a bear
  • This has been a shitty week and you just grabbed the last box of my favourite comfort food from the shelf, do you really want to fight me rn?
  • We met in a movie theatre and now you’re clinging to me because your terrified and I’m okay with that because it means I get your popcorn.
  • You had a party and I got really drunk and stole your microwave, so now I’m at your place and your super hungover so here, I made breakfast?

Neighbour/Roomate

  • The guy living below me has a really loud alarm clock that always wakes me up at the crack of dawn
  • I went to investigate a scream and found my neighbour standing on a chair to avoid a rat/mouse/cricket (etc.)
  • My neighbour has a really squeaky bed and my bedroom is below theirs
  • You keep stealing my doormat and HAH, I’ve got you this time thief!
  • The apartment above me has left their tap on or something and water is leaking through my ceiling
  • My neighbour’s sibling got the wrong house number and barged into my apartment on accident.
  • My roommate keeps stealing my coffee so now I make extra 
  • You’re my new neighbour and wow man, you have some really weird habits.
  • You’re my neighbour and you are stealing my wifi to watch porn and can you not?
  • You locked yourself outside of your apartment and there’s a storm rolling in and I pity you so please come into my apartment I’ll make you hot chocolate?
  • I heard you singing at 3 am and joined in and now you’re at my door and wtf mate I think your drunk but your voice is really nice so?
  • I just set the fire alarm in our building off again… sorry. I know its like the fourth time this week…
  • You keep mowing your lawn when I’m trying to sleep and seriously FUCK YOU
  • My new neighbour is really hot and wow I didn’t even like women until now? And now she is in the garden planting flowers in her bikini wow… im in too deep
  • It’s 3 am and you’re blasting off classic rock at full volume and your music taste might be awesome but soME PEOPLE are trying to sLEEP
  • We’ve never met but we shower at the same time and our showers are on opposite sides of the same apartment wall so sometimes we start duets?

Pets

  • I’m out walking and my dog started chasing your dog. 
  • My cat/dog ran away and you just found it but refuse to accept the reward. 
  • We are neighbours and your cat got my cat pregnant… so, wanna raise this little kitty family?
  • My pet tarantula/snake (etc) escaped and I forgot to warn the guy below me who is terrified of snakes/spiders
  • I need you to pet sit my pet for a while and I forgot to mention it’s a snake, the mice are in the freezer. Thanks, bye
  • My cat really hates you cat and that’s the third time this week I’ve had to pry them apart.
  • My cat keeps breaking into your apartment and it ate all your plants… dinner to make up for it?
  • My cat sneaked out on the balcony and into your open window and he has this habit of destroying furniture and pissing everywhere so I followed him inside and you cam home earlier than I expected and found me in the middle of your living room and honestly I’m not a burglar
  • Your dog likes me a thousand times better than she likes your partner and sorry not sorry I love this dog
  • You were walking your dog when you found me passed out on a park bench and thank you for waking me up and buying coffee instead of stealing my wallet

Music

  • I’m on a bus and wow, you’re singing really loudly and everyone is giving you weird looks, hey bud, tone it down, also great choice in music
  • You play Double Bass/Cello and I play 1st chair Violin and we keep making eye contact and damn your super cute.
  • You play in an orchestra and I love these songs so much, plus you’re really cute. Shit man, you’ll never notice me in the huge crowd…
  • Music is kinda illegal and my friend just died and apparently he wrote music and wow I want to know what it sounds like and to play it at his funeral but I don’t know how to. You’re a well-known music dealer, do you happen to understand these notes? Can you help me?
  • I tried to act cool at this concert and I thought I was leaning on a wall but apparently it was a speaker and now it’s on the ground in pieces and everyone’s glaring at me… sorry?

Supernatural

  • I’m a wizard and I just accidently apparated into your house. Oops.
  • I died over 2000 years ago and you’ve been dead for like 2 hours, man, damn it now I have to explain this shit to you. Great.
  • I’m immortal and you’re mortal and I don’t know how to explain this to you and soon enough you’re going to realise that I’m not aging… shiiittt
  • You’re a greek god and I’m the roman counterpart. 
  • I’m a ghost and your alive and I think I’m in love with you…. Fuck. 
  • You’re a faun and I’m a Satry
  • I’m half demon and people often judge me based on my looks, but your blind and wow you actually like me? 
  • I’m a time traveller and I went back in time and wow I think I’m in love with you, fuck this isn’t good, I just faked being George Washington… wait what? George Washington doesn’t exist here? Shit… I actually am George Washington.
  • I’m a writer and your my character and wtf how the heck did you just literally climb out of my first draft? 
  • I’m a werewolf but I don’t want to tell you because my wolf form might be that really small chihuahua you keep mentioning you see when I go out…
  • I’m an android and you’re a human and wow what is that warmth I feel when I see you?
  • I’m a homesick telepath and you’re the poor soul who is receiving all these emotions, sorry
  • Somehow I’m in your body and you’re in mine and shit man being this close to the ground is fucked up.
  • I’m a genie an d you rubbed my lamp so congrats you get three wishes but you can’t seem to think of shit and why the fuck do I have to be stuck with you? Hurry up and think of some wishes okay?
  • I was an awful angel and as punishment I have to be your guardian angel and wow your super cute and nice but I still hate you
  • You keep having strange dreams that turn out to be us in a past life and you’re determined to fine me again but in this life I’m already dead.
  • We live in the year 3090, you’re a scientist and I’m your assistant. Unfortunately and experiment goes wrong and I die. Now you’re trying to put my brain into a robot but its not the same
  • I’m a vampire and I have a moment of weakness, you’re nearby and lets just say it doesn’t end well
  • I’m a dragon and you’re a really hot prince, that’s right, they locked up the wrong royalty.
  • You’re a pirate and I’m a siren and woah… are you asexual? That’s so cool, hey wait, don’t go I just want to talk
  • Your mirror is a doorway into my dimension and I can see everything…. 
  • Listen I am genetically modified and you WILL let me hide in your house
  • Ok, so I panicked and kissed this human so he wouldn’t drown. And I know you don’t want me to keep him, and we can’t let him leave if he knows about us mere people so what do you want to do?

School/College

  • I just got partnered with you in dance class and I can’t dance for shit
  • You’re my science lab partner and how the fuck did you just explode that beaker?
  • I’m an art student and you just found my sketchbook and you’re going through it. Shit man can you give that back, I don’t care how good you think they are just don’t turn that page…
  • You’re the school dork and I’m the school jock and fuck you can see where this is going
  • We are the only two kids who ride this school bus, maybe we should carpool?
  • I thought you were my roomies new boyfriend so I invited you in but your actually the RA of the dorm and now you think I want to have sex with you
  • I accidently flooded the laundry room and you really need to do laundry
  • You’re sitting in my seat in this lecture and who even are you? I’ve never seen you before… wait what, stop checking me out!
  • We argued so much during a class discussion that we both got kicked out and we’re still arguing outside the class
  • You left your USB in the library computer and I had to go through your files to figure out who you are and in the end I read the entirety of this book you’re working on and wow you’re really good?
  • I’m a traditional painter who has to take a basic Photoshop class, you’re a graphic design major sitting next to me and getting sucked into helping me out because Im so shitty at this
  • My pottery bowl exploded in the kiln and I feel like a failure, you found me crying about it in the hallway and are now trying to comfort me and your sweater is really soft wow sorry
  • You and your friends have been playing the penis game in the library for the last five minutes and none of you have gotten above a quiet yell and fuck it I’m trying to study over her so fuck you I’m going to put an end to this game by winning 
  • We are both teachers and at the end of the year we compare how many gifts we’ve received from student and you’ve won for the past three years
  • Romeo and Juliet of the math and English departments 
  • I want to get along with you roomie… but I like star wars… and you like star trek… this isn’t going to work.
  • I usually talk to my friends through morse code in class but… apparently you know morse too… and now you know I think your butt is cute
  • I got cursed and turned into an animal and taken to the shelter and now I’m being adopted by someone who is really hot OH FUCKING NO

Near Death Experiences

  • Wow I was just in a fatal accident and who the hell are you? What is this I’m I dying? Wait no, I don’t want this, how do I get out of it? A deal you say, I’ll take it.
  • You’re an executioner and I’m about to be executed but you can’t seem to run the guillotine, wait what, why are we running away, man you’re my favourite executioner
  • Our plane/boat crashed and now it’s just us on this island. 
  • I just took a super dangerous job and your trying to talk me out of it, but we really need the money
  • It’s the middle of a war and I’m on a ship that you’re ship just torpedoed. Now I’m a prisoner and wow why can’t I feel my legs. I’m not cooperating until I can feel them again. What the fuck do you mean I’m paralysed?
  • I’m addicted to ____ (drugs/alcohol etc) and you found me in an alleyway due to after effects of my addiction (beat up, overdose etc) and decide to take me in.
  • I sold my soul to bring you back to life and I don’t have long left please make this time count

Mistaken and Secret Identities

  • I’m  a thief/hacker/murder and you’ve found out my identity and have been bugging me for days to take you on as your partner
  • I’m a superhero and you want to be like me but in doing so become a supervillain, what do you mean you don’t understand why I’m punching you?
  • I’m a superhero, you’re a supervillain, but we don’t know each other’s identities and we are actually best friends
  • I’m runaway royalty and you’re a commoner, fuck I’m so screwed I need your help, I’ll explain later
  • You think I’m a celebrity and you’re talking too much for me to explain I am defintely not… that dude. What was his name again?
  • You’re a superhero and I’m your best friend and what the fuck man? Why the hell didn’t you tell me? If you had maybe I would be fucking caught with this stupid ass monologue-ing villain
  • I have a very cute neighbour and very thin walls and one day I call you and err… your moans are very synchronised with my neighbour's…
  • I’m a superhero and you’re a supervillain and I saw you visiting kids at the children’s hospital and letting them act like they defeated you and now it’s really hard to punch you in the face

Profession Based

  • Your my mailman and I can’t help but notice that you linger at my door slightly longer than you need to ever since you saw me that one time. Do you want to come inside?
  • I’m a private detective and your my client and fuck man you’re in some deep shit
  • You’re a protester and I’m a police officer. Seriously can you please calm down a little bit, this is my job not my  beliefs.
  • I’m a make-up artist/hair stylist and I you’re an actor/model and are you flirting or???
  • You’re a celebrity and sorry mate, I have to take pictures to pay rent, I know its invasive seriously, sorry
  • You’re a store clerk and fuck, is that my ex? Can I please hide behind this counter?
  • You’re a lifeguard at my kid’s swimming competition and I fell in the pool with all my clothes on and you awkwardly tried to save me even though I didn’t need it.
  • You work at a pet store and I came in to look at tarantulas but somehow we lost the biggest one and its loose somewhere in the store and it really doesn’t help that you’re terrified of spiders
  • I’m a firefighter and you started a fire in your kitchen but you’re still flirting with me even though you’re not wearing pants and I’m carrying you down a ladder. Stop complimenting my muscles for fucks sake
  • We work at the same company and I kind of had a crush on you until I noticed that you’re the asshole stealing my lunch from the office fridge.
  • I’m a firefighter and you live near the station I work at and we talk/flirt with each other a lot. One day me and my team get called to put out a fire and it’s your home ablaze. You don’t make it.
  • I work at a fruit store and you come in almost every day and rearrange stuff on the shelves and then leave. Today you made the apples spell ‘call me’
  • It’s 2am and I was just trying to get home but I left my sunroof open all day and now there’s a squirrel in my car and it scared me and I drove into a pole - stop laughing! You’re a cop, aren’t you supposed to be helping?
  • You’re drunk and want my name tattooed on your ass.
  • You always bring your dates to the restaurant I wait at and now you’re here alone… you okay mate?

Winter Times

  • It’s snowing and I usually walk to work but that’s not happening, hey roomie, can you please drive me? Yes I know its 4am
  • I accidently gave all my winter clothes to charity over the summer and not its not so much summer, but I’m broke and hey… could you give me your old winter clothes… maybe?
  • I love the cold, but I promised to visit you for a good 4 months and wow, why did I do this? There isn’t snow here?
  • I don’t know you, but you just threw a snowball at my face, mate, its on.
  • I don’t know who the hell you are, but my roommate has someone over and It’s really cold outside…. Can I come in? Or like, have a blanket, or even a towel?

Old Friends

  • I knew you in high school and I ran into you at a renaissance fair wearing full knight regalia
  • I met you once when I was 12, we started a pen-pal relationship across the world and haven’t stopped even though we are a lot older now. 
  • You were my best friend when we were younger but your family moved to the other side of the world, and we haven’t talked in years. But now your back and wow how did you recognise me when I can’t even remember your name?

Fake Dating

  • I hired you to be my date for a wedding but your super cute, maybe we cannot fake-date? 
  • I’m fake dating you to have someone to vent to on family gatherings while also pissing off my conservative uncle that I never liked and wow… have your eyes always been this nice?
  • We’re both cosplayers and we somehow always manage to meet each other at cons dressed as a popular ship and people always want photos of us in compromising positions and so we always end up fake-dating the entire day but you’re actually really hot and I’m head over heels for you
  • My friend dragged me to this party and I just saw my ex, quick make out with me, I’ll pay you.

Miscellaneous

  • I’m blind and wow your voice is absolutely beautiful can you just keep talking? Forever? Please?
  • My younger sibling is besties with your sibling and even though we hate each other I guess we’ve got to start hanging out a little
  • We are both at a grocery store at am and you offered to arm wrestle me for the last box of cereal, its on!
  • You’re sleeping on my best friend’s couch while your house is being renovated and you have really weird habits like attempting to sing opera in the shower and you keep eating all my Nutigrain 
  • We bump into each other every Friday at the supermarket to buy the same ice-cream and maybe we should eat it together?
  • Our parents are dating and thank god I’m not the only one pissed off about this
  • I went to museum to get some inspiration and then I saw you staring at one of the paintings in awe and wow you just noticed me drawing you and this is awkward
  • I decide to take a shortcut home that involves crawling through a really tight hole in a fence and I end up getting stuck and you just happened to pass by and now you’re laughing at me
  • I took a bunch of free condoms from health services just because I could and they all fell out of my bag at once and now you’re staring at me weirdly
  • We are trapped in a bank during a robbery
  • Your country is trying to take over mine and I might be a little attracted to you and stop this it’s really hard to retaliate okay?
  • I was on my balcony and you started loudly quoting romeo and juliet at me
3 Billion Dollars [Part 11] - G Dragon Mafia!AU

Originally posted by peaceminus8ne

Summary: When your father owes 3 billion dollars to the mafia, he must repay his debt. Although things don’t exactly go the way he hoped.

Genre: idk for this one honestly. angst?

Warning: swearing, graphic imagery, probably incorrect medical stuff, mentions of blood, my writing in general

{part 1} {part 2} {part 3} {part 4} {part 5} {part 6} {part 7} {part 8} {part 9} {part 10} {part 11} {part 12} {part 13} {part 14} {part 15}

A/N: I’m so sorry. So much stuff happened this weekend and I got barely any writing done. I swear I’ll work on more stuff I promise. I have a few request I’m working on and will hopefully be posted this week. I also have a very rough draft of like two series so yeah. I’m sorry my life’s a mess. Enjoy! Please leave me stuff in my inbox I love getting things! I kinda really need some motivation to finish my last few scenarios. 

~ Admin Brooklyn

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You rushed to Ji Yong’s side, kneeling down over him. He groaned on the floor, blood pooling out of his arm. The boys quickly surrounded him. You put your hands on him, lightly holding him down too quickly look at the wound. Ji Yong clutched his shoulder, putting pressure on it as he groaned and shouted out in pain.

“Ji Yong move your arm,” you say, trying to pry his hand away from his shoulder. He glared at you, his grip on his shoulder getting tighter.

“I don’t know if you can fucking tell, but I just FUCKING GOT SHOT. NO THANKS TO YOUR FUCKING EX BOYFRIEND,” he yelled. You rolled your eyes and continued to try to pry his hands away.

“If you didn’t know, I went to medical school,” you say, pulling his arm. He shouted out in pain and you rolled your eyes. “So shut up, let go of your arm, and let me fucking heal you.”

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1 New Message (Part One)

pairing: connor murphy x reader

word count: 2800

genre: angst

warnings: suicide talk, swearing

summary: you are a poet on an online forum and connor murphy has been a big fan of your work for… well, for a long time. one day, he finally gets to the courage to send you a message about it - except it turns into more conversations about more than just the art.

a/n: ahh!!! this one is a bit more abnormal and all dialogue, with no actions or feelings or explanations etc!! if this isnt your thing then dont feel obligated to read it. but it is rlly natural and kind of fun to read at points and i feel like its very connor-esque. this will be split into 2 parts for your easy reading because text talk format might get annoying after a while (and ignore any mistakes i make in the format set up its a lot of work) but… enjoy ?? <3 btw all poetry is mine dont steal xoxo


July 31st

1 new message.

From monnorcurphy: Hey

From you: hey!!!

From monnorcurphy: This probably sounds creepy but I just wanted to tell you that Ive been following your poetry for a really long fucking time

From monnorcurphy: And I think that your newest poem is the best fucking thing ever

From monnorcurphy: Like it is actually perfect

From you: oh my gosh!!! thank u so much i didn’t really think anyone saw that

From monnorcurphy: I did and I thought it was really good

From you: well thank u so much!!!

From monnorcurphy: I really like the line about

From monnorcurphy: Hang on let me go find it

From you: haha ok

From monnorcurphy: “Every breath is a bell sounding loud in her head”

From monnorcurphy: I feel that so hard

From you: oh god, tell me about it

From monnorcurphy: I wish I could write poetry as good as u can

From monnorcurphy: Mines such garbage

From you: im sure its not omg

From you: can i read some???

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How to say ‘’You’re stupid’’ in Serbian -  a guide by me

Originally posted by xenaandjonesgiflibrary

Note: before we start I need to mention that these are not strictly used to say ‘’you’re stupid’’. Some of them may be used when someone’s simply talking shit. 

*Also, some people may take these as a joke, some may be offended. You never know. 

1. Лупаш као Максим по дивизији. (Lupaš kao Maksim po diviziji.)

  • Translation: You’re banging like Maxim on division. 
  • Explanation: There are two stories about the origin of this phrase. The first one’s stating that during WWI there was some guy named Maxim who was firing lots of shots but with little or no effect, therefore this phrase is used to describe a person who says a lot of stupid shit. The second (and more reasonable) story says that Maxim we’re talking about here is either Hiram Maxim, the inventor of the first portable, fully automatic machine gun, or the gun itself (called the Maxim gun). Either way, it’s about firing lots of words shots, often with no effect. 

2. Лупаш као отворен прозор. (Lupaš kao otvoren prozor.)

  • Translation: You’re banging like an open window. 
  • Explanation: Well, there’s not much to say about this one, but its meaning can be connected with famous promaja (draft / draught). The air that is flowing between two open windows (or doors) is making windows open and close constantly (it’s usually about the casement window) and they make the banging noise. So that’s it. 

3. Кад лупиш ни Дунав не може да те опере. (Kad lupiš ni Dunav ne može da te opere.) 

  • Translation: When you say something even the Danube can’t wash you up.
  • Explanation: I think this one’s pretty clear, the Danube is a huge river, you must have said lots of shit if even that amount of water can’t wash you up. 

4. Немој да једеш говна кад ти је бурек јефтинији. (Nemoj da jedeš govna kad ti je burek jeftiniji.)

  • Translation: Don’t eat shit when burek is cheaper. 
  • Explanation: The only thing that (maybe) needs to be explained here is burek. Burek is a pastry made from layers of dough, alternating with layers of other fillings in a circular baking pan and then topped with a last layer of dough (at least that’s how we make it in Serbia. It’s a bit different in other countries). 
  • Note: Burek was cheap at the time someone came up with this phrase. The price’s been increasing so now you actually have an excuse for eating shit instead of burek.

5. Јеси ти глуп(a) или ти ноге смрде? (Jesi ti glup(a) ili ti noge smrde?) 

  • Translation: Are you stupid or your feet smell? 
  • Explanation: Oh this is just you assuming that your interlocutor maybe isn’t really stupid (who are you to judge, right?), maybe it’s just smell of their feet clouding their mind
  • Note: This one is not that often heard nowadays, but it used to be really popular 3-4 years ago. It was worth mentioning tho. 
  • Note #2: The ‘a’ in the brackets indicates feminine gender, ‘’glup’’ is for a male person, ‘’glupa’’ for a female (there’s also neuter gender but you’ll rarely use that one when talking to someone) 

6. Глуп(а) си као точак. (Glup(a) si kao točak.) 

  • Translation: You’re as stupid as a wheel.
  • Explanation: I’m not quite sure about this one, but I believe it’s because a wheel can only perform one action, and even that does not depend on it, it’s just how the thing goes. 
  • Note: This phrase may be extended, so you’ll often hear someone say ‘’Глуп си као точак, да извине бицикл.’’ (Glup si kao točak, da izvine bicikl) - you’re as stupid as a wheel, my apologies to the bike
  • Note #2: Again the same thing for ‘’glup’’ and ‘’glupa’’.

7. Глуп(а) си као ноћ. (Glup(a) si kao noć.)

  • Translation: You’re as stupid as night. 
  • Explanation: Well there’s no logical explanation for this one except the fact that night used to be stupid and boring before the discovery of electricity. 

8. Јеси ти глуп(а) или ти дупе стоји накриво? (Jesi ti glup(a) ili ti dupe stoji nakrivo?) 

  • Translation: Are you stupid or your ass is askew? 
  • Explanation: I… really don’t know… 

9. Јесу теби чавке попиле мозак? (Jesu tebi čavke popile mozak?)

  • Translation: Did jackdaws drink your brain? 
  • Explanation: Not much to be explained tbh, the point is - your brain’s missing. 

10. Ти ниси баш у винклу. (Ti nisi baš u vinklu.)

  • Translation: You’re not in a vinkl. 
  • Explanation: I don’t know how I’d translate ‘’vinkl’’ but I can try to explain it. ‘’Vinkl’’ comes from german ‘’winkel’’ (angle). Vinkl is a term we use for angle ruler. So when you tell someone they’re not ‘’in a vinkl’’ that means they don’t equal  90°, or, to put it simply - they’re not normal. Wow, that was one hell of an explanation and you’re probably even more confused now. Sorry. Feel free to ask anything you want to know :) 

11. Јел је тебе бабица испустила на главу кад си био мали / кад си била мала? (Jel je tebe babica ispustila na glavu kad si bio mali / kad si bila mala?) 

  • Translation: Did a midwife drop you on your head when you were little? 
  • Explanation: I think this one’s pretty clear. You’re stupid. Period. 
  • Note: ‘’Kad si bio mali’’ - for a male person, ‘’Kad si bila mala’’ for a female

12. Јеси јео / јела бунике? (Jesi jeo / jela bunike?)

  • Translation: Did you eat henbane? 
  • Explanation: ‘’What on earth is making you act (or say something) like that?’’ Yea, that’s pretty much it. 
  • Note: ‘’jeo’’ - masculine; ‘’jela’’ - feminine

13. Ти си недограђен(a) као шапински дом. (Ti si nedograđen(a) kao šapinski dom.)

  • Translation: You’re unfinished like Šapine’s Cultural Center. 
  • Explanation: Oh boy, this needs a longer explanation. First of all, I have to say that this is not used everywhere in Serbia, it’s a regionalism. You can hear it only in my region. Šapine is a village (near my town, that’s why we’re using this phrase), and it’s kinda famous for its Cultural Center which has been being built for years, but it’s still half-done. So by saying this you’re practically saying that someone’s, well, retarded.
  • Note: Word ‘’nedograđen’’ has this ‘’građen’’(built) part which indicates that it’s about a building, while english ‘’unfinished’’ can be used for other things as well.
  • Note #2: ‘’Nedograđen’’ - masculine, ‘’nedograđena’’ - faminine 

14. Теби фали нека даска у глави. (Tebi fali neka daska u glavi.)

  • Translation: You’re missing a plank in your head
  • Explanation: Again used to point out that someone’s brain is not a whole it should be. 

15. Кад је бог делио памет и бистроумност ти си био / ти си била испод 55 јоргана. (Kad je bog delio pamet i bistroumnost ti si bio / ti si bila ispod 55 jorgana.) 

  • Translation: When God was giving away intelligence and wisdom you were (hiding) under 55 quilts. 
  • Explanation: You missed the giveaway bro. Sorry. It’s not your fault. 
  • Note: ‘’Ti si bio’’ - masculine, ‘’ti si bila’’ - feminine 

artdigy  asked:

God, when you want to make a character, YOU DO IT. Can you talk a little about your process? Where you got the idea for Mother of Pearl, your jasper ame fusion, etc? Whenever you make them, you go by theme and intense detail. Ily and your art so much

thank you so much!! im gonna describe my design/headcanon process under cut because its kinda a wall of text with some pics of older versions of maxima as an example. hope this inspires and helps you!

Keep reading

(Translation) Koibito vs. Nijigen vol. 1

恋人 vs. 二次元 第1巻「オタク彼女の場合」(R18!! Please proceed only if you’re above 18!)

CV. Murata Taishi


T/N: commissioned! one of my favorite CDs EVER, i love this cd ASDASDHDAF!! i swear every 5 seconds i end up laughing like a damn seal!! lmao like. every damn line is a grim nostalgic reminder of hisayuki and i. can’t. fucking. take it.

actually, you can see how much i enjoy translating this cd because. y’know. you can just see it. sorry. i’m guilty.

honestly when i heard of this cd i was 101% HYPE but ngl also hiding 0.2% of uncertainty because face it, it could be either comedy or, yan. i mean yeah, the cover doesn’t seem yan but i’m sure those who have been a loyal customer of the otome cd industry like ri and chi yes this is a callout post for both of u :♥ would advise, don’t judge a cd by its cover or synopsis… unless it’s kuroi yume

ok for reals before i make things worse, let’s jump ahead to the cd and enjoy this totally embarrassing piece of adorable cupcake made of 100% organic cutes and pures. srsly he’s so good @ milky chain pls make a sequel for this series…pls… i will sacrifice my firstborn and my left asscheek pls pls pls


Keep reading

AU Masterlist

((All of the following have been collected))

Awkward Meetings

-I broke your nose in a mosh pit, sorry

-I hit you with my car and was the only one to visit you in the hospital, this is sort of awkward, are you okay?

-You’re getting chased by the police and you just jumped in my car and yelled drive, wtf man

-You just punched me in the face while gesturing wildly to a friend, your friend can’t stop laughing and I’m too shocked to respond to your apologies

-You laughed in a restaurant, but your laugh is really weird and I thought you were choking so I’m awkwardly humping you while attempting to perform the Heimlich maneuver and why this working isn’t, you’re just choking harder now this is awful

-We met on a Sunday morning, both doing our walk of shame

-I get really sick on roller-coasters and you are sitting in front of me, I’m so sorry

-You’re the bastard who keeps parking in front of my house and you just caught me drawing a dick on your window with a permanent marker… ugh, oops.

-I work at a department store and if you take out and unfold another fucking shirt and just leave it, I’m going to fucking shove it down your throat

-You broke into my apartment drunk thinking it was your friends place and I should call the cops by my cat likes you so????

-You’re my new dealer and you just friended me on Facebook and idk how to react to that

-You saw me reading the same book you are and now we are arguing about the motives of the antagonist

-This is a five-hour-long plane ride, we’re sitting together and you’re deathly afraid of flying.

-I got into a cab to find someone already inside

-You thought I was your friend/sister

-Holy shit, I’m in the wrong car.

-I was walking by a roller coaster and your shoe flew off and hit me in the head and now I’m on the floor trying not to fall unconscious.

-It’s 2am and I’m drunk and I need some salt for my fries and I know your awake so OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR

-You fell asleep on me in the subway and I should probably wake you up and it’s my stop next stop but it’s okay, I can always just catch the subway back…

-I know nothing about camping and all my friends left me at the site. -Please, help me, I think I just heard a bear

-This has been a shitty week and you just grabbed the last box of my favorite comfort food from the shelf, do you really want to fight me rn?

-We met in a movie theatre and now you’re clinging to me because you’re terrified and I’m okay with that because it means I get your popcorn.

-You had a party and I got really drunk and stole your microwave, so now I’m at your place and your super hungover so here, I made breakfast?

 

Neighbor/Roommate

-The guy living below me has a really loud alarm clock that always wakes me up at the crack of dawn

I went to investigate a scream and found my neighbor standing on a chair to avoid a rat/mouse/cricket (etc.)

-My neighbor has a really squeaky bed and my bedroom is below theirs

-You keep stealing my doormat and HAH, I’ve got you this time thief!

-The apartment above me has left their tap on or something and water is leaking through my ceiling

-My neighbor’s sibling got the wrong house number and barged into my apartment on accident.

-My roommate keeps stealing my coffee so now I make extra

-You’re my new neighbor and wow man, you have some really weird habits.

-You’re my neighbor and you are stealing my Wi-Fi to watch porn and can you not?

-You locked yourself outside of your apartment and there’s a storm rolling in and I pity you so please come into my apartment I’ll make you hot chocolate?

-I heard you singing at 3 am and joined in and now you’re at my door and wtf mate I think your drunk but your voice is really nice so?

-I just set the fire alarm in our building off again… sorry. I know it’s like the fourth time this week…

You keep mowing your lawn when I’m trying to sleep and seriously FUCK YOU

-My new neighbor is really hot and wow I didn’t even like women until now? And now she is in the garden planting flowers in her bikini wow… I’m in too deep

-It’s 3 am and you’re blasting off classic rock at full volume and your music taste might be awesome but soME PEOPLE are trying to sLEEP

-We’ve never met but we shower at the same time and our showers are on opposite sides of the same apartment wall so sometimes we start duets?

-“You’re my roommate and it’s way past midnight and you’re talking about how Charles Dickens inspired prison reform and how the moon must feel insignificant because it borrows light from the sun and this is all very interesting but will you please shut up and go to sleep” AU.

-“We live next door to each other and I can see you through the window while you’re dancing to your iPod in your flannel pajamas and disheveled hair and God you’re a dork” AU
-My shower is broken because of some stupid mistake and I have to use the one in your room
-I’m a heavy sleeper and my alarm is so loud and obnoxious you have to wake me up in some way to switch it off
-Mutual hate for our stupid landlord/flat mate/neighbor
-I woke up form a nightmare screaming and you’ve rushed over from your apartment to try and calm me down and…you look really hot when you wear glasses and you’re almost naked

 

Pets

-I’m out walking and my dog started chasing your dog.

-My cat/dog ran away and you just found it but refuse to accept the reward.

-We are neighbors and your cat got my cat pregnant… so, wanna raise this little kitty family?

-My pet tarantula/snake (etc.) escaped and I forgot to warn the guy below me who is terrified of snakes/spiders

-I need you to pet sit my pet for a while and I forgot to mention it’s a snake, the mice are in the freezer. Thanks, bye

-My cat really hates you cat and that’s the third time this week I’ve had to pry them apart.

-My cat keeps breaking into your apartment and it ate all your plants… dinner to make up for it?

-My cat sneaked out on the balcony and into your open window and he has this habit of destroying furniture and pissing everywhere so I followed him inside and you came home earlier than I expected and found me in the middle of your living room and honestly I’m not a burglar

-Your dog likes me a thousand times better than she likes your partner and sorry not sorry I love this dog

-You were walking your dog when you found me passed out on a park bench and thank you for waking me up and buying coffee instead of stealing my wallet

-I know it’s cute, but we can’t keep it.

-Fun fact, I picked this up on my way home.

-You said you wanted something cute for your Birthday, but I have a feeling our definition of that word is vastly different.

-I reckon that you’ll be unable to let them go.

-We need to find its actual owner. Come on.

-Oh no, their eyes. My biggest weakness.

-Look at its little feet. I’m in love.

-I suppose we can have one, but I mean it. One.

 

Music

-I’m on a bus and wow, you’re singing really loudly and everyone is giving you weird looks, hey bud, tone it down, also great choice in music

-You play Double Bass/Cello and I play 1st chair Violin and we keep making eye contact and damn your super cute.

-You play in an orchestra and I love these songs so much, plus you’re really cute. Shit man, you’ll never notice me in the huge crowd…

-Music is kinda illegal and my friend just died and apparently he wrote music and wow I want to know what it sounds like and to play it at his funeral but I don’t know how to. You’re a well-known music dealer, do you happen to understand these notes? Can you help me?

-I tried to act cool at this concert and I thought I was leaning on a wall but apparently it was a speaker and now it’s on the ground in pieces and everyone’s glaring at me… sorry?
-Your music choice is so bad but you’re undeniably, yet irritatingly cute when you bop your head along

Supernatural

-I’m a wizard and I just accidently appeared into your house. Oops.

-I died over 2000 years ago and you’ve been dead for like 2 hours, man, damn it now I have to explain this shit to you. Great.

-I’m immortal and you’re mortal and I don’t know how to explain this to you and soon enough you’re going to realise that I’m not aging… shiiittt

-You’re a Greek god and I’m the roman counterpart.

-I’m a ghost and you’re alive and I think I’m in love with you…. Fuck.

-You’re a faun and I’m a Satry

-I’m half demon and people often judge me based on my looks, but your blind and wow you actually like me?

-I’m a time traveler and I went back in time and wow I think I’m in love with you, fuck this isn’t good, I just faked being George Washington… wait what? George Washington doesn’t exist here? Shit… I actually am George Washington.

-I’m a writer and you’re my character and wtf how the heck did you just literally climb out of my first draft?

-I’m a werewolf but I don’t want to tell you because my wolf form might be that really small Chihuahua you keep mentioning you see when I go out…

-I’m an android and you’re a human and wow what is that warmth I feel when I see you?

-I’m a homesick telepath and you’re the poor soul who is receiving all these emotions, sorry

-Somehow I’m in your body and you’re in mine and shit man being this close to the ground is fucked up.

-I’m a genie and d you rubbed my lamp so congrats you get three wishes but you can’t seem to think of shit and why the fuck do I have to be stuck with you? Hurry up and think of some wishes okay?

-I was an awful angel and as punishment I have to be your guardian angel and wow your super cute and nice but I still hate you

-You keep having strange dreams that turn out to be us in a past life and you’re determined to fine me again but in this life I’m already dead.

-We live in the year 3090, you’re a scientist and I’m your assistant. Unfortunately and experiment goes wrong and I die. Now you’re trying to put my brain into a robot but it’s not the same

-I’m a vampire and I have a moment of weakness, you’re nearby and let’s just say it doesn’t end well

-I’m a dragon and you’re a really hot prince, that’s right, they locked up the wrong royalty.

-You’re a pirate and I’m a siren and woah… are you asexual? That’s so cool, hey wait, don’t go I just want to talk

-Your mirror is a doorway into my dimension and I can see everything….

-Listen I am genetically modified and you WILL let me hide in your house

-Ok, so I panicked and kissed this human so he wouldn’t drown. And I know you don’t want me to keep him, and we can’t let him leave if he knows about us mere people so what do you want to do?

-You’re actually a really friendly and chill vampire and at night you float around outside of my bedroom window to talk with me about the universe and stuff
-I’m sick so you make me chicken soup and I’m really grateful but I’ve also seen you read books on magical spells and potion-making so I’m not sure if I should drink your soup in case it turns me into a toad

 

School/College

-I just got partnered with you in dance class and I can’t dance for shit

-You’re my science lab partner and how the fuck did you just explode that beaker?

-I’m an art student and you just found my sketchbook and you’re going through it. Shit man can you give that back, I don’t care how good you think they are just don’t turn that page…

-You’re the school dork and I’m the school jock and fuck you can see where this is going

-We are the only two kids who ride this school bus, maybe we should carpool?

-I thought you were my roomies new boyfriend so I invited you in but you’re actually the RA of the dorm and now you think I want to have sex with you

-I accidently flooded the laundry room and you really need to do laundry

-You’re sitting in my seat in this lecture and who even are you? I’ve never seen you before… wait what, stop checking me out!

-We argued so much during a class discussion that we both got kicked out and we’re still arguing outside the class

-You left your USB in the library computer and I had to go through your files to figure out who you are and in the end I read the entirety of this book you’re working on and wow you’re really good?

-I’m a traditional painter who has to take a basic Photoshop class, you’re a graphic design major sitting next to me and getting sucked into helping me out because I’m so shitty at this

-My pottery bowl exploded in the kiln and I feel like a failure, you found me crying about it in the hallway and are now trying to comfort me and your sweater is really soft wow sorry

-You and your friends have been playing the penis game in the library for the last five minutes and none of you have gotten above a quiet yell and fuck it I’m trying to study over her so fuck you I’m going to put an end to this game by winning

-Romeo and Juliet of the math and English departments

-I want to get along with you roomie… but I like star wars… and you like star trek… this isn’t going to work.

-I usually talk to my friends through Morse code in class but… apparently you know Morse too… and now you know I think your butt is cute

-I got cursed and turned into an animal and taken to the shelter and now I’m being adopted by someone who is really hot OH FUCKING NO
-we’re in general bio discussion and the topic is meiosis and… uh… why is the graduate student instructor telling us that we’re going to act it out? And assigning us all chromosome

-You’re my roommate who’s super cute and it’s the middle of the night and you’re cramming for your exams in your flannel pajamas and disheveled hair and it’s becoming increasingly hard for me not to kiss you

-You’re an Art student and I’m an English major and you keep stealing the papers for my assignment to doodle and I would kill you but you’re really cute and hey that’s actually a really nice sketch

-You’re the perpetual frowner in class and one day as I’m answering the teacher I intentionally make a very cheesy pun and I can hear crickets but you’re laughing out loud and that makes me feel very much accomplished

-You’re the one in class who has tattoos all over their arms and piercings and everybody’s scared of you and one day I catch you watching cat videos and doodling in the middle of a lecture and wow you’re a dork

-I’m a fashion major and I’m working on my illustrations and maybe I’ve had too much coffee but I swear I just saw one of the mannequins move so here I am calling you in the middle of the night please help I’m scared

-You’re the health-conscious med student and I’m the chain-smoking art student who’s also your barista and you leave me notes on smoking and lung health on your napkins and also a 20-page essay on lung cancer tucked under you saucer

-It’s gym class and we’re playing volleyball and you spike really well and you manage to hit the ball square in my face and I think I’m bleeding and you’re apologizing profusely and it’s okay but you’re really cute so I guess I’ll take you up on that offer for coffee

-We have zero classes together but I see you at least five times a day what the fuck????

-I go on late night walks around campus and apparently you do too

-You work in the cafeteria on campus and I order the same thing every day so we keep making small talk and wow you actually seem pretty cool???

-You keep grabbing the biggest group study room but you never have a study group; I actually do have a group and I’m gonna give you a piece of my mind

-You work in the Starbucks on campus and picked up on my obscure reference/t-shirt from some obscure show/etc. and now I’m determined to talk to you about it

-We both went to grab the last ice cream and I’m insisting you take it but you’re insisting that I take it (added bonus: hey, why don’t we just share it?)

-We were on the same college tour

- It’s prime time for practice rooms and all of the good ones are taken except for that one – don’t you fucking dare, I will FIGHT you for it.

- I saw you sleeping on the couch in the lounge in the morning, but now it’s like 5 pm and you’re still here. Are you ok?

- Oh good an empty practice roo- HOLY SHIT. Why are you lying on the ground in a dark?!

- The theory professor makes no sense and you’re the star pupil. Teach me everything you know about theory and I will buy you anything you want from Starbucks. Grande. Venti. Frappuccino. Chai Tea Latte. You name it.

- I’m trying to study in the lounge and you’re blasting your music. I don’t care how much you love Mahler, have you ever heard of ear phones???

- I’m trying to schedule my recital, but you have the time/location I want. Ok, what do I have to sell you for that time slot/date?

- I agreed to help you with your music Ed video project and now you’re trying to teach me trumpet and my god I am terrible at this instrument.

- You’re really cute and I may have done more than three casual walk-bys of your practice room. I’m on my sixth walk-by when we make eye contact. Oh shit.

- I don’t know you, but you grabbed me to help with your audition videos and wow, you’re really good and attractive…Oh crap, stop the camera now?

- You’re in the orchestra and I’m in the choir. I’ve had a crush on you all semester. I’m pretty sure you’ve caught me staring at the violin section one to many times.

- Amidst all the Mozart, Beethoven, and Chopin I hear musical theatre?!?!?!!? I race out of my practice room and go on a mad hunt until I find you and oh my god you’re playing my favourite show let’s be friends!

 

 

Near Death Experiences

-Wow I was just in a fatal accident and who the hell are you? What is this I’m I dying? Wait no, I don’t want this, how do I get out of it? A deal you say, I’ll take it.

-You’re an executioner and I’m about to be executed but you can’t seem to run the guillotine, wait what, why are we running away, man you’re my favourite executioner

-Our plane/boat crashed and now it’s just us on this island.

-I just took a super dangerous job and you’re trying to talk me out of it, but we really need the money

-It’s the middle of a war and I’m on a ship that you’re ship just torpedoed. Now I’m a prisoner and wow why can’t I feel my legs. I’m not cooperating until I can feel them again. What the fuck do you mean I’m paralyzed?

-I’m addicted to ____ (drugs/alcohol etc.) and you found me in an alleyway due to after effects of my addiction (beat up, overdose etc.) and decide to take me in.

-I sold my soul to bring you back to life and I don’t have long left please make this time count

 

Mistaken and Secret Identities

-I’m a thief/hacker/murder and you’ve found out my identity and have been bugging me for days to take you on as your partner

-I’m a superhero and you want to be like me but in doing so become a supervillain, what do you mean you don’t understand why I’m punching you?

-I’m a superhero, you’re a supervillain, but we don’t know each other’s identities and we are actually best friends

-I’m runaway royalty and you’re a commoner, fuck I’m so screwed I need your help, I’ll explain later

-You think I’m a celebrity and you’re talking too much for me to explain I am definitely not… that dude. What was his name again?

-You’re a superhero and I’m your best friend and what the fuck man? Why the hell didn’t you tell me? If you had maybe I would be fucking caught with this stupid ass monologue-ing villain

-I have a very cute neighbor and very thin walls and one day I call you and err… your moans are very synchronized with my neighbor’s…

-I’m a superhero and you’re a supervillain and I saw you visiting kids at the children’s hospital and letting them act like they defeated you and now it’s really hard to punch you in the face

 

Profession Based

-Your my mailman and I can’t help but notice that you linger at my door slightly longer than you need to ever since you saw me that one time. Do you want to come inside?

-I’m a private detective and you’re my client and fuck man you’re in some deep shit

-You’re a protester and I’m a police officer. Seriously can you please calm down a little bit, this is my job not my beliefs.

-I’m a make-up artist/hair stylist and I you’re an actor/model and are you flirting or???

-You’re a celebrity and sorry mate, I have to take pictures to pay rent, and I know it’s invasive seriously, sorry

-You’re a store clerk and fuck, is that my ex? Can I please hide behind this counter?

-You’re a lifeguard at my kid’s swimming competition and I fell in the pool with all my clothes on and you awkwardly tried to save me even though I didn’t need it.

-You work at a pet store and I came in to look at tarantulas but somehow we lost the biggest one and its loose somewhere in the store and it really doesn’t help that you’re terrified of spiders

-I’m a firefighter and you started a fire in your kitchen but you’re still flirting with me even though you’re not wearing pants and I’m carrying you down a ladder. Stop complimenting my muscles for fucks sake

-We work at the same company and I kind of had a crush on you until I noticed that you’re the asshole stealing my lunch from the office fridge.

-I’m a firefighter and you live near the station I work at and we talk/flirt with each other a lot. One day me and my team get called to put out a fire and it’s your home ablaze. You don’t make it.

-I work at a fruit store and you come in almost every day and rearrange stuff on the shelves and then leave. Today you made the apples spell ‘call me’

-It’s 2am and I was just trying to get home but I left my sunroof open all day and now there’s a squirrel in my car and it scared me and I drove into a pole - stop laughing! You’re a cop, aren’t you supposed to be helping?

-You’re drunk and want my name tattooed on your ass.

-You always bring your dates to the restaurant I wait at and now you’re here alone… you okay mate?

-The manager says the only reason the restaurant where we work at is popular is because people enjoy eating while watching our relentless flirting with each other but I swear to God we’re not flirting???

-You and I are both baristas at a coffee shop and one day I step out of the café to take a break and walk in on you gleefully drawing phallic pictures on the chalkboard outside that no one pays attention to so what are you doing?

 

Teacher x Teacher

-The nice one who everybody loves with the grumpy and strict one that the students hate and the students wonder?????????how what the fuck. But later (not in school environment maybe by accident) the students (a group of them) see that the strict one isn’t really that strict and they love their partner

-The cool married teachers that talk about each other and everyone loves like one of them comes late to class and is like “sorry i’m late guys mx. [partner] is really sick and i wanted to be sure everything is alright” and the students spend 5 minutes fussing over the other teacher and asking questions about their wellbeing “ARE THEY DYING” “No Joey they’ve just caught a cold” [and trying to make this one forget about their class”

-two teachers that EVERYBODY ships like the students are trying to get them together, “Soo, Mx. A, Mx. B will have a concert tomorrow for the school and they need all the help and they asked me to tell you….so you can tell other students” “Mx. B didn’t tell me anything about it” “oh it was like, last moment thing you know. they didn’t have time. and like, they really need help.”

And the teacher is like “Thanks Johnson” and trying to be really cool but REALLY BEING NOT COOL OMG WHERE’S THE SQUAD OF DUCKLINGS TO HAVE AN EXCUSE TO GO AND HELP

and like other teachers shipping them too

“Mx. A you know about the prom. There’s a rule that the teachers must have some partners too” [dunno if it already is something like this, it is not in my country] “I did not know about this rule.” “Oh it’s very recent. So, you know, teachers are never alone and can be protected in case it’s necessary. I also heard that Mx. B has no partner.”

OPPOSITE TEACHERS????

Like, science/maths teachers with art/languages teacher. Or stuff like this.

Talking about their subject passionately and the other not understanding shit but loving it anyway because they’re so fucking cute.

-We are both teachers and at the end of the year we compare how many gifts -we’ve received from student and you’ve won for the past three years

-RIVAL TEACHERS?????? Like here is your impossible love

-Teachers of the same subject in different schools fighting in competitions and shit

-Or teachers of the same subject talking passionately about their course. and praising each other.

-Teachers talking about their students, the bad ones and the cool ones

-LGBT teachers standing up for LGBT students and offering them support and helping them feel more at ease in this clusterfuck of school

-OTP 1 teacher/teacher and OTP 2 student/student

-OTP 2 being so thankful that OTP 1 exists. OTP 1 giving advice to OTP 2.

-DOMESTIC TEACHER/TEACHER

-Grading stuff together. Bringing each other food/beverages. Helping each other through all the stuff.

 

 

Old Friends

-I knew you in high school and I ran into you at a renaissance fair wearing full knight regalia

-I met you once when I was 12, we started a pen-pal relationship across the world and haven’t stopped even though we are a lot older now.

-You were my best friend when we were younger but your family moved to the other side of the world, and we haven’t talked in years. But now your back and wow how did you recognise me when I can’t even remember your name?

 

Fake Dating

-I hired you to be my date for a wedding but your super cute, maybe we cannot fake-date?

-I’m fake dating you to have someone to vent to on family gatherings while also pissing off my conservative uncle that I never liked and wow… have your eyes always been this nice?

-We’re both cosplayers and we somehow always manage to meet each other at cons dressed as a popular ship and people always want photos of us in compromising positions and so we always end up fake-dating the entire day but you’re actually really hot and I’m head over heels for you

-My friend dragged me to this party and I just saw my ex, quick make out with me, I’ll pay you.

 

Mutual Friends

-“Our mutual friend invites us to go shopping with them and it’s kind of awkward and now you’re pushing them around the mall in a shopping cart and you’re both screaming like excited children and I’m paying the cashier and pretending I don’t know either of you” AU.

-“Our mutual friend invites us for Thanksgiving dinner with their other friends and now there’s a full-fledged food fight going on with potatoes and turkey flying everywhere and we’re both seeking refuge under the table whilst sharing a bag of chips that you brought (just in case)” AU.

- It’s our mutual friend’s wedding and they keep shoving us into each other because we’re the only ones at the ceremony who are single

Smol and Tol

-you’re always making fun of my short legs well jokes on you sucker because you are failing so hard at this obstacles course with your giraffe limbs

-you can pout all you want, at the end of the day i win all the arguments because i can just pick you up and place you in a corner a sulk yourself tired

i really wanna knee you in the crotch right now but your crotch is too fucking high

-“how did you two meet?” “They tripped over me. While I standing.”

-man, i hate going out into huge crowds with you because i always lose you among all the children and i have to peruse through all of them to find you

-man, i love going out into huge crowds with you because you’re like a beacon sticking out and i’m basically never lost

-whenever i get too mad or frustrated or down you give me a piggyback and it’s embarrassing how much it calms me

-you’re so fantastic to cuddle because i can, like, hold all of you. no place misses out on my hugs, you get all the hug, the full hug,, all my love
-Tol likes to give Smol piggy backs wherever they go
-Smol tries to give Tol a piggy back and they both fall over and laugh
-Tol constantly gets asked out by random strangers at bars while Smol is mistaken as considerable younger and is never asked out so they’re always ready to fight the strangers off

Theatre

-that stage kiss WAS NOT SCRIPTED WTF

- I’m the stage manager and you’re the cocky lead who won’t SHUT UP backstage PEOPLE CAN HEAR YOU

-for closing night bets you slipped me tongue during our stage kiss what the fuck do I do

-we’re not playing the romantic leads but everyone ships our characters and they keep making us take pictures together in costume (I kind of love it)

-we’re in the chorus together and you never know what the notes are so you have to stand impossibly close to me to listen and it just makes me mess up and I SWEAR TO GOD ARE YOU DOING THAT ON PURPOSE

-everyone in the show has to wear makeup I swear I will wrestle you into this chair if I have to

-oh my god you’re doing my makeup and you’re so close and I can’t breathe

-I may have learned your romantic lead’s part and then attempted to take them out the night of the show

-we made out in the light booth

-this is the first time I’ve seen you in costume and holy fuck how do you look so good in that

Cafe/Resturant

 

-You’re the cute and quiet customer that frequents the coffee shop where I’m a barista and also where my rival barista works and we’re both fighting for your attention in increasingly creative and inconspicuous ways (making foam art, writing cheesy pick-up lines on your napkin etc. etc.)

-You’re the jerk-face customer that keeps on thumbing through their phone while ordering their drink so I exact revenge by spelling your name wrong on your cup and drawing phallic pictures on your coffee

-You and I go out to a sushi bar and the sushi chef yells at you for being allergic to a particular kind of fish and now you’re crying and I’m trying to comfort you

-You and I are at a sushi restaurant and you’re continuously snagging sushi off the belt that I have to pay for and you don’t seem to be going to stop anytime soon but you look so cute when you’re eating with that smile on your face what the hell man

-We’re both strangers sitting in the same booth at an eatery because all the other booths are full and you’re drawing smiley faces on your plate with ketchup and wow your concentrated frown is cute

-I’ve been standing in line at the coffee shop for hours and you casually cut through for your drink but also buy me my favorite blend and now I’m not so sure what to make of you

-I’m a perpetual frowner and most certainly not a morning person and I work part-time at a breakfast bar and your disheveled hair and content smile as you eat my waffles and scrambled eggs is the only thing that can get me to smile

-I write a bad pick up line on your cup every time I’m your barista

-You’re the customer and you get back at me for all the times I’ve spelt your name wrong by mispronouncing my name in icreasingly horrible ways

-You’re really short and cute and you buy a cup of black coffee every morning but you make weird faces as you sip and you never finish your drink, are you trying to look mature or something?

-Should I be concerned about how much caffeine you’re taking in?

Soulmate

-Last words are on your skin instead of their first words so you don’t know your soulmate until you lose them
-People age until they reach 18 and then they stop aging until they meet their soul mate
-The song you get stuck in your head is the one your soulmate is singing (Bonus: when they meet, the one annoys the other by singing their most hated song)
-You only see colour when your touching your soulmate
-Necklaces given to you at birth of half a unique shape and your soulmate gets the other half
-Little bruises and cuts show up on your soulmate
-Stripe of your soulmates hair colour on your wrist
-Vision is shaded to the eye colour of your soul mate and is that why until you meet them
-You have a tattoo that tells you what they’re most passionate about
-Tattoo saying how old you and your soulmate will be when you meet
-You can see every colour except the one that’s your soul mates eye colour
-Soulmates name on one wrist and enemies name on the other

 

Fun Fair/Carnival

-Hey Miss/Mister you paid but forgot to take your cotton candy so here it is
-Both our kids are on a merry-go-round and are starting to fight over a particular pony would you be so kind to tell your kid to fuck off, my kid got here first
-You’re scared of roller coasters and friends are all on different rides and you look so miserable, let me buy you coffee
-I’m so sorry I split my milkshake all over you, can I make it up to you
-Excuse me sir, you need a pair to go on the roller coaster, any singles here?
-I’m sorry sir, we’re closing up you can’t go on this merry-go-round, bit fuck it, we’re the only ones here

Miscellaneous

-I’m blind and wow your voice is absolutely beautiful can you just keep talking? Forever? Please?

-My younger sibling is besties with your sibling and even though we hate each other I guess we’ve got to start hanging out a little

-We are both at a grocery store at am and you offered to arm wrestle me for the last box of cereal, it’s on!

-You’re sleeping on my best friend’s couch while your house is being renovated and you have really weird habits like attempting to sing opera in the shower and you keep eating all my Nutigrain

-We bump into each other every Friday at the supermarket to buy the same ice-cream and maybe we should eat it together?

-Our parents are dating and thank god I’m not the only one pissed off about this

-I decide to take a shortcut home that involves crawling through a really tight hole in a fence and I end up getting stuck and you just happened to pass by and now you’re laughing at me

-I took a bunch of free condoms from health services just because I could and they all fell out of my bag at once and now you’re staring at me weirdly

-We are trapped in a bank during a robbery

-Your country is trying to take over mine and I might be a little attracted to you and stop this it’s really hard to retaliate okay?

-I was on my balcony and you started loudly quoting Romeo and Juliet at me

-I ditch prom to attend a local poetry slam and you’re also there and I never really noticed what a cute smile you have and hey do you maybe want to bond over our mutual love for ‘Howl’???

-You’re new in town and you seem very intimidating but as it turns out you have an awful sense of direction even with a map and you’re actually adorkable so here let me help you

-It’s Valentine’s Day and I’m single and you want to cheer me up but you can’t cook nor bake to save your life so you make me hot chocolate instead and it is delicious and I think I love you???

-The mailman constantly mixes up your home address and mine together and keeps on sending me your letters and packages and I’m sorry I look through them but your life seems very interesting as well as those books on black magic in one of your packages so wanna talk about it over a cup of coffee?

-You’re going through my sketchbook and giving questioning looks and I swear to God I’m just a deranged artist and not a serial killer

- There’s a scrawny black cat in our neighborhood that hates everyone and everything but follows you around for some reason and I see you pet it and feed it fish fries are you a witch

-I work part-time as a cashier at the local corner store and you come here regularly to shop and bond with me over the microwavable chicken bites so how about I take you out on a proper date instead?

“I’m the owner of a magic shop and you discover my magics one day when you walk in on my cat flying around inside the shop on a broom and now I have to take you in as my apprentice or turn you into a toad

-“You’re a tea-lover yet you come to the coffee shop where I work at just to see my foam art and you give me hefty tips regularly so I’ve taken it upon myself to master the art of tea-making just for you

-You work at a fast food restaurant and as you hand me my food you lecture me for ruining my health what is this hypocrisy

-I went to museum to get some inspiration and then I saw you staring at one of the paintings in awe and wow you just noticed me drawing you and this is awkward

-You have no idea what personal space is and it’s really distracting when your face is two inches away from mine, what if I turn my head and accidentally kiss you
-You don’t like snuggling or a lot of touching but when you’re asleep you’re a cuddle for better or for worse
- I was eating chocolate and you came over and started kissing me, and so I finally offered you some and you say it tastes better like this

_�{��-�

To The Four of Us (Part Three)

Hey y’all it’s ya girl back with part three of my lil modern Hamilton college AU! I seem to have accumulated some readers which is pretty lit and hey if you wouldn’t mind reblogging so others can share in the jOY OF MY WRITING (haha just kidding) that would be awesome!! 

Part one can be found here

Part two can be found here

I’ll probably make a masterpost later today so all the parts can be found together but we’ll see how that goes.

Let me know what you think of the text conversations bc I’m not sure how to format them (transcribing texts is so awkward yoU GUYS????)

And, as always, PLEASE let me know what you think!!! I can tag you when I update if you like, just shoot me a message so i know!!

words: 1,692

soundtrack song: Nine in the Afternoon - Panic! At the Disco

full soundtrack: x

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Some more stuff about the Trainer Jack au  

First of all, his schooling:

  • Jack has always loved sports and FitnessTM so it’s not a big surprise when he begins to express interest in human kinetics/kinesiology or whatever when he’s at Samwell
     (Is that a degree there? I don’t care, it is now)
  •  As early as his first year at Samwell he’s not really sure if he wants to go back to playing professionally or not. He loves hockey more than anything and all, but he thinks he could be satisfied with playing for the sake of playing rather than playing as his entire career and also life
  • Even still, he becomes more and more interested in what physiotherapists and trainers are doing as time goes on and decides that life might be more for him. He would still be involved in sports, just from a totally different angle
  • So, he ends up changing around his program to fit in a bunch of Sports related courses (he still takes history and photography as electives) and ends up with a degree in Kinesiology to start off
  • He continues on going to school for physical therapy or whatever it is trainers have as an educational background. that’s what im gathering from the minimal research im willing to do at this point

Moving on to after he gets his degree:

  • He works in a clinic in Canada for a little while, but he does have dreams of going on to work for an NHL team. Hey, it might not be the NHL career he expected, but he thinks it would be a cool, intense environment to work on even if he’s not playing.
  • He winds up back at Samwell when a position opens up at their health centre and he’s working with athletes, including their hockey boys of course
  • Eventually he gets a chance to work with the Falcs after their main trainer decides he wants to relocate to Sweden.
  • Snowy doesn’t like Jack at first, but it’s mostly because he had a huge crush on the guy Jack’s replacing. He gives him hell, but he does go to Jack.
  • Tater gives Jack a fair chance, though, and it quickly spreads through the Falcs that Jack is actually pretty great at his job. He’s a little stiff to talk to, particularly at first, but he knows his shit and he’s efficient as fuck

And then we have… Bitty:

  •  Bitty, meanwhile, ends up drafted at 18 to an NHL team after his own time in the Q. A few years later, he gets traded onto the Falcs. Idk what the real process is but im assuming he’d familiarize himself with trainers and whatnot pretty early on
  • So Bitty ends up a client of Jack’s by default, going in for some assessments not long after his relocation to Providence
  •  He gets one look at his new trainer and he is like “Fuck”
  • Jack L Z is a beautiful, blue-eyed specimen who has this no-nonsense look but doesn’t even bat an eye when Snowy barges in during Bitty’s consultation and says “Jack holy fuck my knee is killing me you gotta do something about this shit man”
  • Jack just looks at Bitty with an unimpressed expression and rolls his eyes, asking for a moment
  • Bitty would give him a moment and then some like damn he could have 100 moments if he wanted em
  • For real, Bitty is a good sport and he’s always patient with the trainers and if it means he spends a little more time near Jack he’s okay with that.
  • Jack has a habit of saying “you don’t like that much, huh?” when he’s feeling out for strains or tension in muscles
    EX. Bitty ends up twisting his wrist a little funny and isn’t sure if it’s sprained. He goes to Jack, who takes his hand in his nice, long fingers and starts to feel around the bones. When Bitty makes a weird face he says “that hurts, yeah? You don’t like it when I do that, do you?” 
  • Bitty is like “Well no but you can keep holding my hand if you like, that part is fine” except not really lmao.
  • This habit kills Bitty because its so……….. it’s too easy to imagine Jack asking if he “likes it when he does that” instead of asking if he doesn’t like it, okay??
  • Slowly, it becomes apparent Bitty is in the trainer’s room a little more often than the rest of them, but he claims he just wants to make sure he’s keeping up his health and preventing any wearing on his body and whatnot
  • The other guys see right through him, tho, because he’s exactly like fucking Snowy was before Jack was hired on. Snowy is bitter af and Bitty is confused when they start calling him “little snow” which ends up becoming “snowbits” then “icicle” for some strange reason and Jack questions him about all the new nicknames but Bitty has no answer for him
  • Bitty chats Jack up all the time due to his being a cute, sweet, southern, social butterfly and all. He eventually figures out Jack used to play in college and after almost a year of working together Jack lets it slip that he plays in a local gay hockey league on weekends and Bitty nearly melts in a puddle because he just talked to Georgia about coming out to the team the other day and now he has a potentially queer trainer??!!?!
  • He finds a way to subtly bring it up to Jack like “oh you’re still playing hockey yeah where is that maybe I’m not around enough hockey myself and should go check you out haha wait not like that (or maybe like that youll never know hahah).” And Jack reveals a few more details about where he plays and, after another little bit of trying to distract Bitty with other topics, gives him an invitation to come watch. Which Bitty does the next chance he can
  • Jack’s still pretty fucking good at hockey and Bitty nearly dies once again watching him play and wondering what it would be like to play with Jack and he realizes he must orchestrate this somehow.
  • Also, maybe he should orchestrate a dinner date while he’s at it
  •  And so Bitty does. He comes out to his team, then asks Jack if he would want to go skating on the local outdoor rink sometime, and maybe grab lunch while they’re at it
  • Jack agrees and soon enough they’ve been on their first, third, and fifth date
  • The rest of the team mainly end up congratulating Bitty on doing what Snowy did not accomplish, which, Snowy is happy for Bitty but Still Bitter about
  • Jack and Bitty end up going steady so Bitty is just over the moon with alla that
  • Eventually their former trainer also returns from Sweden and he ends up working at a local clinic. Snowy is weak and says fuck Jack to see his old trainer, who he promptly asks out on a date as well.
  • The former Falcs trainer is like “whoa this is extremely sudden but I kinda thought you’d liked me all those years ago… I almost didn’t go to Sweden but you never said anything so I followed my dreams and now im back and yeah ill go out with you”
  • So everyone is happy and gay
  • Like for real somewhere in this universe Shitty is pantless, Lardo is painting, Ransom and Holster are being in Bro Love, Nursey and Dex aren’t at each others throats, Chowder is happily existing etc and everyone is having a grand old time

Anyway all of this happened because I went to see a physiotherapist for my wrist and overheard her talking to one of the basketball players and thought of the fact that hockey players would have to do similar things bc sports and bodies

Thank you for your time

anonymous asked:

Got any Grif headcanons you'd like to share? What about your favorite​ line of his?

oh my god. y es

as much as grif hates doing anything, he also hates scratchy beards. stubble he can deal with, but an actual beard? fuck that. he does a shitty cut job every month or so. once he tried to grow it out and found it impeded his ability to eat unless he actually, god forbid, took care of it, so he gave up

nonetheless, he still grows out his hair, and tends to tie it up in a ponytail or bun, hes been using the same hairtie since he got drafted, and its a sort of keepsake (if it ever belonged to kai, he doesnt mention it)

so like, i think grif wasnt always a lazy asshole. (or as much of one… grif has always liked naps and food more than anything else but he didnt put those as a priority) i think he actually used to be kinda uptight, at least in a way like he was always trying to be a big brother and keep kai in line and shit. but after that one outpost- you know the one- he decided he didnt give a shit anymore. at all. it wasnt worth it, nothing was worth this much death and blood. so he did everything he could to be uncooperative, but instead he ended up in blood gulch, and things just kept on getting shittier and shittier for him from there

as for my favorite line, its probably this:

“Permission to speak freely, sir? Fuck that.”

Hheyyy….so……yeah I kinda disappeared for 2 months haha. And I’m posting this summary….the 21st ahh..:’’) but it was important for me to post it.

This is my 200th post, and this blog is now a little bit more than 2 years old, and you’re now more than 5000 to follow it…..!!!!??(..SINCE…WHEN?????)(….I’m..sweating.sm)

I’m not very good with words, but. I just wanted to say thank you, for being so kind to me, for your silent support, or just for taking a look at my drawings..!!

((more nervous-talking + ANSWERING ASKS UNDER THE CUT !!))

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anonymous asked:

hey, wanna give me a mini primer on jo/nate? because i see you post a lot about it and i wanna know more!

Ohhhh man anon okay buckle in. A primer on the history of Jonathan Drouin and Nathan Mackinnon, ex-teammates, best friends, and soulmates.

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okay but why have i never heard anything abt a jackbitty catfish au okay just look @ this [[[[this got long again @ fandom im sorry]]]] ( @asexualwhiskey )

  • so in a universe where Jack didn’t have a breakdown and got drafted (first!!! fight me @ everyone!!!!) to the NHL instead of going to Samwell, and Bitty went to Samwell for hockey and was still great friends with every1 on the hockey team
  • okay so lets say bitty is a *rolls dice* junior so he’s like 22 and its spring semester
  • anyway so bitty didn’t even want to create a dating profile on whatever dating website ransom and holster were recommending so imagine his suprise when he gets an email that He’s Found a Match!^tm
  • he immediately confronts rans and holster and they don’t even apologize they’re like “bits you haven’t had a successful date in a couple years we’re trying to help” and bits is just like “u know I’m perfectly happy being single u guys really don’t need to do this” and rans and holster are just Iike “give him a chance ok just try”
  • so bitty reluctantly is like “ok uk what whatever sure okay okay” and messages the guy
  • sidenote: bitty’s un is ‘hockeynpies15’ and jacks is 'jacqueslzpuck1’ bc he’s a loser
    • sidenote sidenote: jack got transferred to the falconers in bitty’s freshman year (from idk *spins wheel* the pens and still plays with tater and tater is the first person he comes out to and a year later tater convinces him to get a dating profile on the DL so that “zimmboni can find nice boy who won’t spill secret” and jack went along w it bc tater is a large russian man
    • he chooses to change his profile name to jack moore bc moore is his mom’s maiden name (im making this up as i go can you tell)
  • anyway
  • so bitty messages him and they start talking and they actually find that they get along really well and have a lot in common and eventually they exchange phone numbers and start texting all the time and bitty is tweeting abt “this boy” and his followers are like “um babe have u like, seen his face” and bits is lik e “no is that a problem”
  • so rans and holster (who tbh thought this was a better idea when they were drunk) send an email to nev and max about bitty and jacqueslzpuck1 because they’re kinda worried for him bc bitty is obv falling fast and they’re not sure if this guy is legit????
  • anyway bitty is PISSED when they do this bc like. “for ONE his name is jack. yes, i know his last name, its MOORE and he told me he lives in BOSTON and SECOND he has a dinosaur of a phone that doesn’t have a camera and his laptop doesn’t have a camera and he wouldn’t even know how to work one if he TRIED”
  • so nev and max are called in (and lbr they would get along /so well/ with ransom and holster like you know they would all go out and get drunk 2gether its great

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The Switch

Pairing: Seth Rollins x Reader

Summary: You accidentally swapped phones with someone at a concert last night.

A/N: Now that this is done I’m going to work on some Dean things and the rest of my Seth requests soon and I also have an idea for a Finn Christmas fic, but I’ll figure that out sometime soon as well, hopefully. And then of course there’s Infidelity :) Anyway, enjoy!

@nickysmum1909 @kimmyt1225

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also i think its funny that yall call rebecca a slut for sleeping with ross & r*bert within the span of a few days but r*bert literally used to sleep with chrissie and aaron in the same day??? like i distinctly remember it once happening like a few hours apart??? and the only thing i saw yall say was some nasty misogynistic bullshit about chrissie “being on him” (it was way more graphic and disgusting than that but i really dont wanna repeat it). r*bert can do that shit and have no words said against him rebecca does something ~kinda similar and you wanna jump down her throat for being a slut ok jan whatever you say

Nice ; Theo Raeken

[masterlist]

Originally posted by believeinfangirl

PART 6 WILL BE OUT TOMORROW I SWEAR

this has been in my drafts for so long i kinda think it’s shit now lmao

She scoffs to herself as she pulls one of her books out from her locker. 

“I think he’s gay, that’s so fucking weird,” a guy muttered from beside her. Her gaze follows his, and her blood boils. Nobody talks about Danny Mahealani like that. Everybody likes Danny, just because he’s simply… Danny. You couldn’t resist him even if you tried.

She leans back a little, getting a good look at his face. Justin. She shared a couple classes with him and from what’s learnt, he’s never had something nice come out of his mouth unless it was something about girl’s ass or boobs. 

“Yeah, weird, considering you’re ugly as fuck,” she stated, sarcasm coating every word. She wasn’t afraid of this guy just because he could ruin her reputation in a snap of his fingers. 

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Show You How To Love

Hiiii i would love a daddy (appa) kink suga smut thank you ;D~

After 4 hundred years of loosing my original draft to this and loosing my mind and having finals I FINALLY finished this smut! Hope you enjoy! Because its 12:30am and I’m sick with the flu and I need someone to enjoy something I’m high on Nyquil goodnight lovelies xx
~~~

“I’m kinda busy babe.” You sneer, pushing his body away.
Your boyfriend came closer again, brushing his fingers against your cheek. “Y/N take a break please. All you do is work.” He whined.
“Yeah I work for us.” You stacked your next set of papers in front you and begin working again.
“Do you ever work for me in other ways?” He smirked.
His words made you uncomfortable and furious. All he ever asked for was sexual favors while you worked hours for him.
His hand travelled down your cheek to your neck, continuing down your torso, sweeping across your hip. That’s when you snapped.
“I can’t handle you! Get out of the fucking house!” You hissed.
He removed his hand and stepped back, taking in your anger.
“What did you fucking say to me?” He questioned, raising an eyebrow.
“You heard me.” You stepped closer and grabbed a fistful of his shirt. “Leave.”
He grabbed your wrist and contorted it backwards making you wince.
“Don’t fucking speak to me like that you useless piece of shit.” He lashed.
He raised his hand in the air and swung out at your face just after you heard the door open.
“Y/N!” You heard a familiar voice call.
You held your face in your hands as you slumped to the floor.
“B/N! Get out right now and start running before the cops find you!” The voice yelled after your now ex-boyfriend.
By now you realized it was your best friend, Madison.
“Y/N are you okay? What happened?” Madison asked, crouching down to you.
Your face stung from the impact of an open palm.
“Is he gone?” You muttered from behind your hands.
Madison rubbed your back reassuringly.
“He’s gone.”
You lifted your head and wiped your eyes vigorously. You straightened out your shirt and stood up with an overly strong aura.
You sniffed once. “Well let’s go then!”
Madison stared at you confused.
You grabbed her wrist and pulled her to your room. “We are going out!” You told her.
“Out to find him or-”
“Out. Clubbing out. Get dressed.”
-
The music pounded through your ears like an old tribal drum as you sat at a small table on the side wall of the club. The table was covered in carved names of ex lovers and horny hook ups. You ran your fingers over the marks feelings the texture on your skin as your mind fluttered with ragging thoughts of your ex boyfriend.
“You came here to get your mind off him! Stand up lets go dance!” Madison ushered you out of your chair.
Once on the dance floor you couldn’t help but move your body to the beat. You watched the other sweaty body’s press close together in dance. Girls with short dresses and higher heels. Boys with lustful looks and grabby hands. To be honest, the sight of everyone disgusted you.
“Hey Maddie, I’m gonna get a drink.” You yelled over the powerful music.
She nodded, focused on a cute boy beside her.
Puddles of alcohol pooled ontop of the bar counter. Small amounts of people stood around while the bartender served shots and bottles.
“Couple shots of vodka.” You ordered.
The bartender nodded his head and began pouring.
After about a couple of shots you decided it was time to find Maddie again. Your eyes scanned the crowd for her red hair and emerald coloured dress.
“Oh shit.” You muttered to yourself when your eyes landed on a handsome man with mint coloured hair. His face was soft but carved in all the ways that made your heart skip a beat.
Your eyes devoured his face that lit up in the harsh dance floor lights.
“Y/N!” You heard someone yell.
You snapped into reality, realizing it was Madison.
“What the fuck are you looking at? I’ve been trying to get your attention for the past 3 minutes!” She said, shaking your shoulders.
“Oh yeah… Sorry.” You muttered.
You never dropped your gaze from the handsome man across the room.
Finally Madison caught onto your staring and followed your line of sight.
“Fucking shit!” She hollered in an impressed tone. “Go get it!”
Your cheeks flushed pink. “What. No Madison your stupid I wasn’t looking at him.” You tried to convince her.
Madison rolled her eyes and grabbed your wrist, hauling you over to the mint haired man.
“Text me later tonight.” Madison whispered and with one final move, she shoved you right into him.
“Oh shit I’m so sorry.” You spilled, realizing you had knocked over his drink.
He smiled and helped you up. “No worries, princess.” He said in a warm, safe-feeling voice.
PRINCESS?? Only a few people knew how much being called princess turned you on.
“I’ll buy you another one!” You stuttered, grabbing some napkins from the counter.
The man pushed a stray hair behind your ears. “Listen, it’s alright. Let’s go get you cleaned up.”
His calm voice and soft touch made you melt in front of him. You wanted to fall into his chest and have him call you princess one hundred more times.
“Okay.” You let out a small smile.
He took your hand and led you to one of the private bathrooms near the back. Once the door was shut, the music was quiet and muffled. The man grabbed a small towel from the corner of the granite counter top and began patting away at your dress.
“Yoongi.” He said suddenly, looking up from working on your dress.
“Oh…” Your ears registered the name and it sang through your head. “Thank you, Yoongi.”
He smiled and continued to work on removing the spilt alcohol from your dress.
A couple of minutes of later, nothing seemed to have changed and the stains still remained.
“It’s no use.” You said, straightening out your dress. “I’ll just go home.”
“I can dri-” Yoongi began to speak.
“Madison can drive me.” You whispered.
You didn’t know why you felt like you were bothering him. His gentleness made you feel welcome, but yet you pushed him away.
The glow in his eyes suddenly went away at your abrupt response and you could feel his loving aura dim slightly.
“I’ll help you find her. Make sure you are safe.” He spoke.
‘Even after I try to say no and get away from such a loving guy, he still is being sweet. Fuck him’ you thought to yourself.
The both of you walked out of the room together and the pounding sound of music returned. Once again, your eyes scanned for Madison.
“I’ll phone her.” You suggested after a minute or so of searching.
You pulled your phone out of your purse, only to see a couple of text from Madison herself.
‘Lol I left with this HOT GUY SEE YOU TOMORROW xx’
“Great.” You mumbled.
Yoongi’s hand once again brushed a stray hair from your face.
“Everything alright, princess?” He asked.
'Fuck you for being so damn hot and nice you son of a-’
“She left.” You said, cutting off your train of thought.
“I can take you home.” He suggested.
Home. Your mind flushed with thoughts of your ex. You both lived at 'home’.
“Can I… Come home with you?” You whispered.
“Of course.” He said, letting out a gentle laugh.
-
The water was warm on your cold and tired body and you loved it.
“Are you almost done, darling. I made you tea.” Yoongi said in a melodic voice.
“Oh yeah sorry.” You said, turning off the shower.
“There is a towel and fresh clothes on the counter. I’ll be right outside.”
Once the door closed you stepped out of the shower and dried of with the fluffy white towel. The heated floor felt like it was hugging your achy feet. Yoongi had left a baggy grey t-shirt and some basketball shorts. The fabric was welcoming.
You stepped out of the bathroom after putting the clothes on and drying your hair. Yoongi was lying in the bed, staring intently at his phone. You stood frozen infront of the bathroom door waiting for him to notice you.
“Yoongi.” You whispered.
He looked up at you like a grandpa looks up through his spectacles.
“Feeling better, princess?” He asked.
You nodded your head, not knowing wether to thank him profusely or to apologize for making him take you home.
The temperature of the room was much colder than the bathroom and you hadn’t even noticed that you had began to form goose bumps all over your arms and legs. You looked around for a blanket to wrap yourself in.
“You can sleep in my bed tonight.” Yoongi said, hoping out of the bed with a blanket in his hands.
He wrapped the blanket around your shoulders and guided you to the bed.
The satin sheets and squishy texture of the bed made you instantly more tired. A yawn left your lips, making Yoongi laugh.
“I’ll get your tea before you drift off to sleep, darling.”
He planted a kiss on your forehead before leaving the room. His lips, much like the sheets, were soft and satin like. Their touch was delicate and soothing, unlike your exs lips. Rough and cold, always bitter like kissing a scaly reptile. The way your ex talked to you was opposite of how Yoongi did. Yoongi called you princess were as your ex called you bitch. You turned your head towards the mirror on the wall close to the bed and saw the red mark of impact that you covered earlier with concealer.
Tears began to weal in your eyes as you recalled all the abuse you went through.
“I hope you don’t mind Earl Grey. It’s all I drink.” Yoongi chimed in, opening the bedroom door.
You quickly dried your eyes, hoping he didn’t see the dry wicked pain in your heart.
“I don’t mind.” You sat up on the bed and crossed your legs beneath you.
He handed you the warm mug and you both drank in silence till you reached the bottom of the cup.
You placed it on the bed side table and curled into the large bed.
“Time for bed?” Yoongi whispered.
You nodded again.
He stood up from his chair and tucked the covers around you before planting one last kiss on your temple.
“Goodnight prince-”
“Yoongi?” You interrupted.
“Yes darling?”
“Can you…” You were too embarrassed to finish your though.
“Can I?” He ushered you to go on.
You scooted to the other side of the bed, giving him enough room to sleep beside you.
“Is that was you want?” He cooed.
“Yes…” You whispered.
He climbed into bed beside you and you didn’t hesitate to curl you body against his protective frame. His strong arms wrapped around you as he buried his face into your hair, taking in the scent of shampoo.
The feeling of love rushed over you just then, making you panic. Your breath hitched in your throat and you began to press away from Yoongi.
“I’m sorry.” You mumbled to him.
He sat up beside you and placed a hand on your knee.
“It’s okay Y/N.” He reassured you. “What’s wrong.”
You didn’t want to tell him what went on earlier but it was the only way to explain why you were acting so strange.
You began to lay your story infront of him and he nodded in comprehension.
“So you’ve never felt… Love.” He breathed, gazing into your eyes.
You shook your head. “I don’t want you to feel bad I-”
“Shh.” Yoongi took you into his arms. “Don’t be sorry.” He told you.
You rested your head on his chest listening to his heart for a few moments before he spoke up again.
“Can I show you the two ways I love?” He whispered into your ear. “You can tell me when to stop.”
You looked up at him confused but finally agreed.
Yoongi placed his strong hand on your inner thigh, making you lick your lips in anticipation. He continued slowly down to your heat, placing one finger on your clit. He began trailing it up and down over your clothed slit.
“Yoongi please.” You whispered. “More.”
He looked deeply into your eyes.
“Yoongi?” He questioned.
“That’s your na-”
“You are gonna call me daddy. Is that understood, princess?” He hissed.
“Yes daddy.” You replied.
He hummed lowly at the sound of you calling him daddy and he pushes you onto your back, him now inbetween your legs.
“You are gonna stay quiet during this process.” Yoongi spoke before pulling your shorts off with your underwear.
He lets out a cold breath onto your womanhood, making your legs shudder. His tongue tracing the outsides of your slit, teasing you.
“Daddy.” You begged.
“I want you to beg so quietly my heart melts. Make me fall for your ways, babygirl.” Yoongi spoke close to your entrance, again making you tense up.
“Please Daddy.” You breathed softly.
Your hand traveled you your mouth and you lightly started sucking and biting on your finger in a seductive way. “Make me feel good.” You moaned in a cute voice.
“God you’re good.” He smirked.
Yoongi ran a thick stripe up between your legs, continuing that a few more times before he began sucking on your clit. Waves of pleasure grew up your spine and you began shaking under his motion.
“Do you like this, princess?” He asked, his words vibrating against you.
All you could do was let out a small moan.
Just then he stopped. You let out a whine, reaching down the grab his head. You look up and found Yoongi standing infront of the bed.
“Get on your knees. Daddy needs to use your mouth.”
You got on your knees before him, surprised at how quickly you were submitting yourself to him after just meeting.
Yoongi unbuckles his pants and you anxiously pull them down for him. You began rubbing his hard member through his boxers slowly as his hand found his way to your hair, running his fingers through it. You played with the lining of his boxers before inching them off at an agonizing speed.
“Wow.” You mumbled under your breath at the sight of his cock.
Yoongi’s hand tightened in your hair as he yanked it back.
“Show daddy how much you want him.” He hissed.
His other hand was brought up to your mouth and he stuck his thumb against your tongue.
“Use that mouth for something useful.”
The dirty words he spoke ran off his tongue like velvet and took you captive.
You could feel yourself aching, wanting him between your legs again.
He crouched down to your kneeling level, thumb still in your mouth, as he looked lustfully into your eyes.
“And when I say take it all.” He whispered, as be pressed his thumb deeper into your mouth. “You take it all. Understood?”
You nodded your head.
“Your being a good girl for daddy.” Yoongi stood back up. “Now suck.”
You took his length into your mouth, rolling your tongue over his tip. His head shot back every time you did so, a mutter of curses and deep groans left his wet lips.
You bobbed your head up and down faster and faster with each moment.
“Deeper. Take it all. ” He mumbled.
You took him a little deeper, running your tongue on the underside of his length.
He wrapped your hair around his wrist and pulled back, looking deeply into your eyes again.
He shook his head. “Pathetic.” He whispered.
You pouted. “Give me another chance daddy please.”
You pulled your head against grip, trying to get another chance but his hold just tightened.
“I’m gonna show you how to please daddy the right way.” He spat.
Both of his fist grabbed at your hair as he lowered you into his cock. His hands held you in place as he began fucking into your mouth.
“Good girl.” He moaned, keeping his eye contact with you.
His stare burned into you and tears began to prick at your eyes from gagging. His member continued to violently pound into your throat.
“I love watching your mouth being fucked. Your so sloppy, princess.” Yoongi pulled his member out of your mouth without cumming and leaned down to kiss your forehead.
You giggled and whipped your tears away from your eyes.
“Now it’s time to show you how I’m gonna love my baby girl.” He cooed. “Take off the rest of your clothes slowly and get on the bed.”
You did as your were told and began to pull off his grey tshirt. He watched you intently while grabbing something from under the bed. You heart raced in anticipation.
Once you were naked you sat kneeling down.
“Close your eyes.” Yoongi said.
You closed your eyes and felt the bed sink slightly when Yoongi got on. You felt something slip over your head and onto you eyes.
“Open.”
You opened your eyes and saw nothing but black.
“Yoo- Daddy?” You mumbled in a slightly scared voice.
“It’s okay darling.” He assured you.
You then felt his soft lips grace yours and all panic was gone. “I’ve got you. Lie down.” Yoongi spoke.
The satin sheets had a different feeling on your naked body but seemed to accept you in a comfortable way all the same.
Yoongi lifted your hands above your head just before you heard the tightening of handcuffs.
Your breath began to speed up and your mind began to race with all the possibilities of horror.
“Hey Y/N. Listen baby.” Yoongi removed the blindfold from your eyes and looked down at your lovingly.
“If you want to stop we can. I told you. You can stop anytime you want.”
He rubbed his thumb over your cheek and your lust for him grew.
He was demanding, rough, sexy, but loving all the same.
“Daddy?” You purred.
“Hmm.”
You changed your expression drastically and channeled all your lust to your words.
“Fuck me. Now.” You growled.
Yoongi smirked.
“Ahh. Such a little slut for daddy.”
He took your nipple between his fingers and pinched it harshly before returning the blindfold to your eyes.
His hands grabbed your thighs harshly and pushed them apart. You could feel his tip resting at your entrance.
All you could do was moan when you felt him finally enter you. The feeling of him inside you made your body buzz.
His thrusts were slow as you got used to him.
“Are you gonna take it all this time, princess?” Yoongi questioned.
Having your eyes covered heightened all your other senses and his words sent arrows of pleasure to your entrance.
“Yes daddy please just fuck me.” You begged.
Yoongi’s hand found your throat before finally pounding deeply into you. The sound of your scream was lightened by the hold on your neck.
“Not too loud now baby. I’ve got a housemate.” He warned, pulling out slowly.
He removed his grip and pounded back in, seeing how vocal you would get without his restriction. You bit your lip and moaned sharply before he began pulling out slowly again. The pace of this was agonizing.
“And you didn’t invite him to join? What a shame.” You retorted.
Yoongi let out a small chuckle. “Your playing a dangerous game, princess. Just let me fuck you then we can negotiate.”
You couldn’t get another word in before he began thrusting faster and deeper. The pleasure made your eyes rollback into your head and arch your back.
“You like that baby?” Yoongi moaned as he continued curling up into your g-spot.
You turned your neck and bit down on your shoulder to keep from screaming loudly in ecstasy.
Yours and Yoongis moans filled the room melodically and you felt your orgasm building.
“Daddy I’m gonna-”
“Be a good girl and cum with daddy.” Yoongi growled.
Your body tightened around him as you climaxed. The feeling of him spilling inside you made your body shake gratefully.
“Thank you daddy.” You panted, trying to catch your breath.
Yoongi thrusted slowly a few more times before pulling out of you and planting a kiss on your lips.
“You are daddy’s Favourite little princess.” He praised.
He undid the handcuffs and removed the blindfold, tossing them to the side.
Once again you cuddled into the soft bed sheets and awaited him to join you.
His warm sweaty body pressed against yours as he wrapped his arms around you. The feeling of two sticky fucked out bodies didn’t bother you to be honest. It was the first time you had felt honestly loved.
“Can I make you pancakes in the morning, darling?” He whispered into your ear, planting a soft kiss on your neck.
“Yes please.” You mumbled, sleep riding over you.
You began to close your eyes ready to fall asleep in his arms before remembering.
“Oh but daddy?” You interjected.
“Yes?”
“Can we talk about that negotiation now?”

~Admin Bangtan-Savage

scoROSE HEadcaNONS??! [requested]
  • ok so scorose are like my ultimate OTP ever
  • they got that whole “star crossed lover” thing going on
  • HOWEVER im not too sold on the whole EVERY WEASLEY HATES SCORPIUS
  • bc like i have ideAS OF WHICH I shall now share
  • so rose is gryffindor and i am sold on this idea bc her dad was gryffindor and she looks up to ron so much bc they share the same humour and love for quidditch and just she wants to make him proud 
  • SO ROSIE JOINS GRYFFINDOR
  • ALBUS IS IN SLYTHERIN WITH SCORPIUS
  • COME AT ME
  • so albus becomes a slytherin and the whole family kinda accepts it and his friendship with scorpius BC BFFS
  • and bc of rose and scorpius mutual friend being albus, they sorta became acquaintences and then BOOM AFTER PUBERTY HIT IN THIRD YEAR THEY SORTA JUST BECOME AWKWARD WITH EACH OTHER
  • and then they kinda tried to get past the awkwardness by being really bitchy to the other
  • and then one summer in 4th year they just blow up at the weasley house (of which scorpius is at this point well acquainted with) and scorPIUS KISSES ROSE AND SHE KISSES HIM BACK 
  • AND THEY JUST DONT TELL ANYONE AND THE AWKWARDNESS IS AT AN ALL TIME HIGH 
  • they sorta become buddies through potions class of which rose is genuinely hopeless at and scorpius is top of the class and they sorta balance each other out and he helps her with practical and she helps with the writing aspect
  • [[ HEAD CANON THAT ROSE WEASLEY WROTE IN PEN AT HOGWARTS BC SHE SAW HERMIONE USING ONE AND WAS LIKE DAMN MUM THIS MAKES SO MUCH MORE SENSE AND JUST BECAME A PEN DEALER AT HOGWARTS ]] 
  • and they become cutesy and when its time for slytherin VS gryffindor match of which they both play for
  • scorpius ends up being hit by a bludger and rose gets real worried and all the weasley tribe have knowing smirks 
  • she just doesnt leave the infirmary and when questioned she’s all like, “p-po-potions homework yeah potions homework” 
  • and by the start of 6th year they think they’re being all sly sneaking around hogwarts and just being all cuddly and making out in the room of requirement but litERALLY EVERYONE KNOWS ABOUT IT
  • apart from hugo that is super and utterly confused when scorose finally tell people and is like, “siNCE WHEN?!”
  • so one day in 7th year in the quidditch lockers they getting hot and heavy and shit after the finals of the last quidditch match they’ll ever play at hogwarts 
  • BOTH FAMILIES WALK IN WITH ALBUS FLANKING BY THEIR SIDES AND JUST HERMIONE AND DRACO AND ASTORIA ARE LIKE “ROSE???! SCORPIUS?!?! SINCE??!? WHAT??!!”
  • and ron is just quiet of which everyone assumes is because of anger
  • but really he has known since like 2nd year that rose liked scorp and burSTS INTO A GRIN ND IS LIKE “believe you me if my daughter wasn’t currently on ur lap scorp id strangle you.. BUT REALLY MALFOY U DIDNT KNOW??" 
Jamie Benn #1.1

Requested by Anon:  hii! do you think its possible u could write an imagine with jamie benn where he likes you but he has a girlfriend and she doesnt like you? i love your hockey imagines!!

*Hi! Thank you so much, I hope you like this. I wasn’t sure how to tackle this prompt but I also didn’t want to make Jamie cheat on his girlfriend so I kinda did it this way… enjoy!:)*

This is a multi-part drabble. Check part 2 here. Part 3 here.

Word count: 917

Originally posted by brosillustrated

“For the record,” you picked an apple from the bowl on the kitchen table and sat on a stool, “your girlfriend is kind of a bitch.”

Jamie looked up from the eggs he was cooking, “Good morning, she takes a little time to warm up to people,” snatching your apple, he took a bite of it, “and you’re the only person who can call her a bitch to my face.”

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