this was in my drafts and i kinda like it but its shit i no

AU MASTER LIST

So here is a bunch of AU’s that I’ve collected over…. a long time. Enjoy

Awkward Meetings

  • I broke your nose in a mosh pit, sorry
  • I hit you with my car and was the only one to visit you in the hospital, this is sort of awkward, are you okay?
  • You’re getting chased by the police and you just jumped in my car and yelled drive, wtf man
  • You just punched me in the face while gesturing wildly to a friend, your friend can’t stop laughing and im too shocked to respond to your apologies
  • You laughed in a restaurant, but your laugh is really weird and I thought you were choking so I’m awkwardly humping you while attempting to perform the Heimlich manoeuvre and why isn’t this working, you’re just choking harder now this is aweful
  • We met on a Sunday morning, both doing our walk of shame
  • I get really sick on roller-coasters and you are sitting in front of me, im so sorry
  • You’re the bastard who keeps parking in front of my house and you just caught me drawing a dick on your window with a permanent marker… ugh, oops.
  • I work at a department store and if you take out and unfold another fucking shirt and just leave it, I’m going to fucking shove it down your throat
  • You broke into my apartment drunk thinking it was your friends place and I should call the cops by my cat likes you so????
  • You’re my new dealer and you just friended me on Facebook and idk how to react to that
  • You saw me reading the same book you are and now we are arguing about the motives of the antagonist
  • This is a five-hour-long plane ride, we’re sitting together and  you’re deathly afraid of flying. 
  • I got into a cab to find someone already inside
  • You thought I was your friend/sister
  • Holy shit, im in the wrong car.
  • I was walking by a roller coaster and your shoe flew off and hit me in the head and now I’m on the floor trying not to fall unconscious.
  • It’s 2am and I’m drunk and I need some salt for my fries and I know your awake so OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR
  • You fell asleep on me in the subway and I should probably wake you up and its my stop next stop but it’s okay, I can always just catch the subway back…
  • I know nothing about camping and all my friends left me at the site. Please, help me, I think I just heard a bear
  • This has been a shitty week and you just grabbed the last box of my favourite comfort food from the shelf, do you really want to fight me rn?
  • We met in a movie theatre and now you’re clinging to me because your terrified and I’m okay with that because it means I get your popcorn.
  • You had a party and I got really drunk and stole your microwave, so now I’m at your place and your super hungover so here, I made breakfast?

Neighbour/Roomate

  • The guy living below me has a really loud alarm clock that always wakes me up at the crack of dawn
  • I went to investigate a scream and found my neighbour standing on a chair to avoid a rat/mouse/cricket (etc.)
  • My neighbour has a really squeaky bed and my bedroom is below theirs
  • You keep stealing my doormat and HAH, I’ve got you this time thief!
  • The apartment above me has left their tap on or something and water is leaking through my ceiling
  • My neighbour’s sibling got the wrong house number and barged into my apartment on accident.
  • My roommate keeps stealing my coffee so now I make extra 
  • You’re my new neighbour and wow man, you have some really weird habits.
  • You’re my neighbour and you are stealing my wifi to watch porn and can you not?
  • You locked yourself outside of your apartment and there’s a storm rolling in and I pity you so please come into my apartment I’ll make you hot chocolate?
  • I heard you singing at 3 am and joined in and now you’re at my door and wtf mate I think your drunk but your voice is really nice so?
  • I just set the fire alarm in our building off again… sorry. I know its like the fourth time this week…
  • You keep mowing your lawn when I’m trying to sleep and seriously FUCK YOU
  • My new neighbour is really hot and wow I didn’t even like women until now? And now she is in the garden planting flowers in her bikini wow… im in too deep
  • It’s 3 am and you’re blasting off classic rock at full volume and your music taste might be awesome but soME PEOPLE are trying to sLEEP
  • We’ve never met but we shower at the same time and our showers are on opposite sides of the same apartment wall so sometimes we start duets?

Pets

  • I’m out walking and my dog started chasing your dog. 
  • My cat/dog ran away and you just found it but refuse to accept the reward. 
  • We are neighbours and your cat got my cat pregnant… so, wanna raise this little kitty family?
  • My pet tarantula/snake (etc) escaped and I forgot to warn the guy below me who is terrified of snakes/spiders
  • I need you to pet sit my pet for a while and I forgot to mention it’s a snake, the mice are in the freezer. Thanks, bye
  • My cat really hates you cat and that’s the third time this week I’ve had to pry them apart.
  • My cat keeps breaking into your apartment and it ate all your plants… dinner to make up for it?
  • My cat sneaked out on the balcony and into your open window and he has this habit of destroying furniture and pissing everywhere so I followed him inside and you cam home earlier than I expected and found me in the middle of your living room and honestly I’m not a burglar
  • Your dog likes me a thousand times better than she likes your partner and sorry not sorry I love this dog
  • You were walking your dog when you found me passed out on a park bench and thank you for waking me up and buying coffee instead of stealing my wallet

Music

  • I’m on a bus and wow, you’re singing really loudly and everyone is giving you weird looks, hey bud, tone it down, also great choice in music
  • You play Double Bass/Cello and I play 1st chair Violin and we keep making eye contact and damn your super cute.
  • You play in an orchestra and I love these songs so much, plus you’re really cute. Shit man, you’ll never notice me in the huge crowd…
  • Music is kinda illegal and my friend just died and apparently he wrote music and wow I want to know what it sounds like and to play it at his funeral but I don’t know how to. You’re a well-known music dealer, do you happen to understand these notes? Can you help me?
  • I tried to act cool at this concert and I thought I was leaning on a wall but apparently it was a speaker and now it’s on the ground in pieces and everyone’s glaring at me… sorry?

Supernatural

  • I’m a wizard and I just accidently apparated into your house. Oops.
  • I died over 2000 years ago and you’ve been dead for like 2 hours, man, damn it now I have to explain this shit to you. Great.
  • I’m immortal and you’re mortal and I don’t know how to explain this to you and soon enough you’re going to realise that I’m not aging… shiiittt
  • You’re a greek god and I’m the roman counterpart. 
  • I’m a ghost and your alive and I think I’m in love with you…. Fuck. 
  • You’re a faun and I’m a Satry
  • I’m half demon and people often judge me based on my looks, but your blind and wow you actually like me? 
  • I’m a time traveller and I went back in time and wow I think I’m in love with you, fuck this isn’t good, I just faked being George Washington… wait what? George Washington doesn’t exist here? Shit… I actually am George Washington.
  • I’m a writer and your my character and wtf how the heck did you just literally climb out of my first draft? 
  • I’m a werewolf but I don’t want to tell you because my wolf form might be that really small chihuahua you keep mentioning you see when I go out…
  • I’m an android and you’re a human and wow what is that warmth I feel when I see you?
  • I’m a homesick telepath and you’re the poor soul who is receiving all these emotions, sorry
  • Somehow I’m in your body and you’re in mine and shit man being this close to the ground is fucked up.
  • I’m a genie an d you rubbed my lamp so congrats you get three wishes but you can’t seem to think of shit and why the fuck do I have to be stuck with you? Hurry up and think of some wishes okay?
  • I was an awful angel and as punishment I have to be your guardian angel and wow your super cute and nice but I still hate you
  • You keep having strange dreams that turn out to be us in a past life and you’re determined to fine me again but in this life I’m already dead.
  • We live in the year 3090, you’re a scientist and I’m your assistant. Unfortunately and experiment goes wrong and I die. Now you’re trying to put my brain into a robot but its not the same
  • I’m a vampire and I have a moment of weakness, you’re nearby and lets just say it doesn’t end well
  • I’m a dragon and you’re a really hot prince, that’s right, they locked up the wrong royalty.
  • You’re a pirate and I’m a siren and woah… are you asexual? That’s so cool, hey wait, don’t go I just want to talk
  • Your mirror is a doorway into my dimension and I can see everything…. 
  • Listen I am genetically modified and you WILL let me hide in your house
  • Ok, so I panicked and kissed this human so he wouldn’t drown. And I know you don’t want me to keep him, and we can’t let him leave if he knows about us mere people so what do you want to do?

School/College

  • I just got partnered with you in dance class and I can’t dance for shit
  • You’re my science lab partner and how the fuck did you just explode that beaker?
  • I’m an art student and you just found my sketchbook and you’re going through it. Shit man can you give that back, I don’t care how good you think they are just don’t turn that page…
  • You’re the school dork and I’m the school jock and fuck you can see where this is going
  • We are the only two kids who ride this school bus, maybe we should carpool?
  • I thought you were my roomies new boyfriend so I invited you in but your actually the RA of the dorm and now you think I want to have sex with you
  • I accidently flooded the laundry room and you really need to do laundry
  • You’re sitting in my seat in this lecture and who even are you? I’ve never seen you before… wait what, stop checking me out!
  • We argued so much during a class discussion that we both got kicked out and we’re still arguing outside the class
  • You left your USB in the library computer and I had to go through your files to figure out who you are and in the end I read the entirety of this book you’re working on and wow you’re really good?
  • I’m a traditional painter who has to take a basic Photoshop class, you’re a graphic design major sitting next to me and getting sucked into helping me out because Im so shitty at this
  • My pottery bowl exploded in the kiln and I feel like a failure, you found me crying about it in the hallway and are now trying to comfort me and your sweater is really soft wow sorry
  • You and your friends have been playing the penis game in the library for the last five minutes and none of you have gotten above a quiet yell and fuck it I’m trying to study over her so fuck you I’m going to put an end to this game by winning 
  • We are both teachers and at the end of the year we compare how many gifts we’ve received from student and you’ve won for the past three years
  • Romeo and Juliet of the math and English departments 
  • I want to get along with you roomie… but I like star wars… and you like star trek… this isn’t going to work.
  • I usually talk to my friends through morse code in class but… apparently you know morse too… and now you know I think your butt is cute
  • I got cursed and turned into an animal and taken to the shelter and now I’m being adopted by someone who is really hot OH FUCKING NO

Near Death Experiences

  • Wow I was just in a fatal accident and who the hell are you? What is this I’m I dying? Wait no, I don’t want this, how do I get out of it? A deal you say, I’ll take it.
  • You’re an executioner and I’m about to be executed but you can’t seem to run the guillotine, wait what, why are we running away, man you’re my favourite executioner
  • Our plane/boat crashed and now it’s just us on this island. 
  • I just took a super dangerous job and your trying to talk me out of it, but we really need the money
  • It’s the middle of a war and I’m on a ship that you’re ship just torpedoed. Now I’m a prisoner and wow why can’t I feel my legs. I’m not cooperating until I can feel them again. What the fuck do you mean I’m paralysed?
  • I’m addicted to ____ (drugs/alcohol etc) and you found me in an alleyway due to after effects of my addiction (beat up, overdose etc) and decide to take me in.
  • I sold my soul to bring you back to life and I don’t have long left please make this time count

Mistaken and Secret Identities

  • I’m  a thief/hacker/murder and you’ve found out my identity and have been bugging me for days to take you on as your partner
  • I’m a superhero and you want to be like me but in doing so become a supervillain, what do you mean you don’t understand why I’m punching you?
  • I’m a superhero, you’re a supervillain, but we don’t know each other’s identities and we are actually best friends
  • I’m runaway royalty and you’re a commoner, fuck I’m so screwed I need your help, I’ll explain later
  • You think I’m a celebrity and you’re talking too much for me to explain I am defintely not… that dude. What was his name again?
  • You’re a superhero and I’m your best friend and what the fuck man? Why the hell didn’t you tell me? If you had maybe I would be fucking caught with this stupid ass monologue-ing villain
  • I have a very cute neighbour and very thin walls and one day I call you and err… your moans are very synchronised with my neighbour's…
  • I’m a superhero and you’re a supervillain and I saw you visiting kids at the children’s hospital and letting them act like they defeated you and now it’s really hard to punch you in the face

Profession Based

  • Your my mailman and I can’t help but notice that you linger at my door slightly longer than you need to ever since you saw me that one time. Do you want to come inside?
  • I’m a private detective and your my client and fuck man you’re in some deep shit
  • You’re a protester and I’m a police officer. Seriously can you please calm down a little bit, this is my job not my  beliefs.
  • I’m a make-up artist/hair stylist and I you’re an actor/model and are you flirting or???
  • You’re a celebrity and sorry mate, I have to take pictures to pay rent, I know its invasive seriously, sorry
  • You’re a store clerk and fuck, is that my ex? Can I please hide behind this counter?
  • You’re a lifeguard at my kid’s swimming competition and I fell in the pool with all my clothes on and you awkwardly tried to save me even though I didn’t need it.
  • You work at a pet store and I came in to look at tarantulas but somehow we lost the biggest one and its loose somewhere in the store and it really doesn’t help that you’re terrified of spiders
  • I’m a firefighter and you started a fire in your kitchen but you’re still flirting with me even though you’re not wearing pants and I’m carrying you down a ladder. Stop complimenting my muscles for fucks sake
  • We work at the same company and I kind of had a crush on you until I noticed that you’re the asshole stealing my lunch from the office fridge.
  • I’m a firefighter and you live near the station I work at and we talk/flirt with each other a lot. One day me and my team get called to put out a fire and it’s your home ablaze. You don’t make it.
  • I work at a fruit store and you come in almost every day and rearrange stuff on the shelves and then leave. Today you made the apples spell ‘call me’
  • It’s 2am and I was just trying to get home but I left my sunroof open all day and now there’s a squirrel in my car and it scared me and I drove into a pole - stop laughing! You’re a cop, aren’t you supposed to be helping?
  • You’re drunk and want my name tattooed on your ass.
  • You always bring your dates to the restaurant I wait at and now you’re here alone… you okay mate?

Winter Times

  • It’s snowing and I usually walk to work but that’s not happening, hey roomie, can you please drive me? Yes I know its 4am
  • I accidently gave all my winter clothes to charity over the summer and not its not so much summer, but I’m broke and hey… could you give me your old winter clothes… maybe?
  • I love the cold, but I promised to visit you for a good 4 months and wow, why did I do this? There isn’t snow here?
  • I don’t know you, but you just threw a snowball at my face, mate, its on.
  • I don’t know who the hell you are, but my roommate has someone over and It’s really cold outside…. Can I come in? Or like, have a blanket, or even a towel?

Old Friends

  • I knew you in high school and I ran into you at a renaissance fair wearing full knight regalia
  • I met you once when I was 12, we started a pen-pal relationship across the world and haven’t stopped even though we are a lot older now. 
  • You were my best friend when we were younger but your family moved to the other side of the world, and we haven’t talked in years. But now your back and wow how did you recognise me when I can’t even remember your name?

Fake Dating

  • I hired you to be my date for a wedding but your super cute, maybe we cannot fake-date? 
  • I’m fake dating you to have someone to vent to on family gatherings while also pissing off my conservative uncle that I never liked and wow… have your eyes always been this nice?
  • We’re both cosplayers and we somehow always manage to meet each other at cons dressed as a popular ship and people always want photos of us in compromising positions and so we always end up fake-dating the entire day but you’re actually really hot and I’m head over heels for you
  • My friend dragged me to this party and I just saw my ex, quick make out with me, I’ll pay you.

Miscellaneous

  • I’m blind and wow your voice is absolutely beautiful can you just keep talking? Forever? Please?
  • My younger sibling is besties with your sibling and even though we hate each other I guess we’ve got to start hanging out a little
  • We are both at a grocery store at am and you offered to arm wrestle me for the last box of cereal, its on!
  • You’re sleeping on my best friend’s couch while your house is being renovated and you have really weird habits like attempting to sing opera in the shower and you keep eating all my Nutigrain 
  • We bump into each other every Friday at the supermarket to buy the same ice-cream and maybe we should eat it together?
  • Our parents are dating and thank god I’m not the only one pissed off about this
  • I went to museum to get some inspiration and then I saw you staring at one of the paintings in awe and wow you just noticed me drawing you and this is awkward
  • I decide to take a shortcut home that involves crawling through a really tight hole in a fence and I end up getting stuck and you just happened to pass by and now you’re laughing at me
  • I took a bunch of free condoms from health services just because I could and they all fell out of my bag at once and now you’re staring at me weirdly
  • We are trapped in a bank during a robbery
  • Your country is trying to take over mine and I might be a little attracted to you and stop this it’s really hard to retaliate okay?
  • I was on my balcony and you started loudly quoting romeo and juliet at me

friendly-neighborhood-hufflepuff  asked:

Hi! I'm very curious as to what Hunger Pains actually is. I know it's a book but as far as I know it's Hunky Dory here's some very nice plot, let's get down to business TO DEFEAT.. THE HU- I mean- ANYWAYS I know next to nothing about your book and I have a Need To Know Things.

Hunger Pangs (don’t worry, my husband calls it Pains all the time and I have the draft manuscript On. My. Wall.) was a shit post written just over a year ago after @jeneelestrange goaded me into it.

(source)

If you go through my tags #Hunger Pangs and #the vampire werewolf thing, you will finds lots and lots of meta and the occasional snippet of fiction. Some of it is very NSFW, and has been marked as such. I hope to get most of that archived on Ao3 at some point for easier perusal, I just haven’t had the time yet.

I will request that you be careful when typing #Hunger Pangs into the tumblr search function, as the tag is unfortunately used predominantly by eating disorder blogs, often ones not aimed towards recovery. This is something I was not aware of at the time when I started tagging the book and I’ve since started using HPangs (also Phangs) more often and am working my way back through the tags to fix this. If you wish to look at things pertaining only to my work through that tag, the url link is here: https://thebibliosphere.tumblr.com/tagged/hunger%20pangs

By request there is going to be two versions of the book, one with kink, and one without for those who prefer more fluff than smut in their reading repertoire. This is something I plan to do for all my future novels as well for those who are interested in my work, but don’t necessarily want to read about kink. 

The whole thing was supposed to be me just flipping tropes on their head for funsies, with the original draft intended to be a short 10k satire of the paranormal romance trope where Totally-Average-Girl gets sucked into a magical world and becomes the heated love interest of two usually “dominant” supernatural males and a toxic love triangle ensues (among other things). It was a trope I had to work with a lot in the industry as an editor, and became somewhat of a pet peeve of mine. So much so that somewhere along the line this fun little satire turned into a full 60k+ manuscript with happy, healthy polyamory instead, where nobody dies. Because that is also a trope in bi poly romance novels that can fuck right the fuck off as well. I mean, one of them’s already kinda technically dead?? But he’s fine with it.

The focus is on three main characters, a vampire called Vlad, a werewolf Nathan, and a being of as of yet undisclosed species who goes by the name of Ursula, and how they are brought together in a fantasy AU regency styled world torn apart by war and prejudice. If Game of Thrones ascribes to the idea that the world is dark and full of terrors, Hunger Pangs is the weird cryptid fancier asking where you can find them and are they looking to date anyone right now.

It’s ultimately a story of struggle, betrayal and power. But above all else Hunger Pangs is about love, romantic or otherwise, and the lengths people will go to in order to protect what is good and right in the world. It’s love as an act of bravery and defiance. And also punching fascists with your werewolf boyfriend, but that was honestly just a happy narrative coincidence that happened to coincide with the absolute shit show 2017 has turned out to be. 

It’s heavy on puns, satirical commentary and at times, moments of outright defiance.

Author friends who have read the raw manuscript have described it as being, “like reading the queer-goth-punk love child of Terry Pratchett and the Addams Family filled with hope and rage” and honestly I’ve never been more proud or terrified of anything I’ve ever done in my entire life.

I’m hoping to have the pre-order on Amazon up by the end of October, with full release planned for sometime around Christmas, provided my health holds out and I don’t end up needing more emergency surgery. So far the odds are looking good :)

The artwork for the covers has been designed by our very own @whales-and-witchcraft/ @umicorms and is just, I have no words for how much I love it. I can’t wait to share it with all of you. I’m so excited.

Terrified. 

But excited.

SMH Cell Phones

what a dork am I that this is been sitting in my drafts for so long, here y'all can have it :)))

Nursey

  • has an iPhone 7 Plus 256GB for all of his recordings, music, podcasts

  • is the clumsiest fuck on planet earth but he LOVES the look of the matte black iPhone with no case on it so he has the case off more often than he should

  • his screen? Literally always cracked (Dex finally convinced him to get a fuckin glass screen protector which he has to replace like every other week)

  • All of the cases he does put on his phone are thin and clear or clear with patterns that compliment the all black phone bc aes or die (current case is clear with BLM written in gold, fight me)


Ransom

  • has an iPhone 7 128 GB in red

  • actually has no clue how to text without emojis and he loves iMessage (he sometimes wishes he went for the plus but it doesn’t fit in his pocket)

  • case is white with a clear Canadian flag so the red shows through (Lardo got it special made as a gag gift but he loves it)

  • keeps a glass screen protector but he’s never had to replace it bc he’s perfect


Lardo

  • has an old gold iPhone 5s 32 GB. (it’s way too small but it was her first real smartphone so she’s really really attached to it)

  • It’s kinda beat up and it has paint splotches all over it from when she was more reckless with it but she keeps a case on it now

  • has a screen protector

  • Aforementioned screen protector is always cracked

  • She switches out her cases constantly, especially now that they’re so cheap

adding a read more bc wow this is long lol

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3 Billion Dollars [Part 11] - G Dragon Mafia!AU

Originally posted by peaceminus8ne

Summary: When your father owes 3 billion dollars to the mafia, he must repay his debt. Although things don’t exactly go the way he hoped.

Genre: idk for this one honestly. angst?

Warning: swearing, graphic imagery, probably incorrect medical stuff, mentions of blood, my writing in general

{part 1} {part 2} {part 3} {part 4} {part 5} {part 6} {part 7} {part 8} {part 9} {part 10} {part 11} {part 12} {part 13} {part 14} {part 15} {part 16} {part 17} {part 18} {part 19} {part 20} {part 21} {part 22}

A/N: I’m so sorry. So much stuff happened this weekend and I got barely any writing done. I swear I’ll work on more stuff I promise. I have a few request I’m working on and will hopefully be posted this week. I also have a very rough draft of like two series so yeah. I’m sorry my life’s a mess. Enjoy! Please leave me stuff in my inbox I love getting things! I kinda really need some motivation to finish my last few scenarios. 

~ Admin Brooklyn

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You rushed to Ji Yong’s side, kneeling down over him. He groaned on the floor, blood pooling out of his arm. The boys quickly surrounded him. You put your hands on him, lightly holding him down too quickly look at the wound. Ji Yong clutched his shoulder, putting pressure on it as he groaned and shouted out in pain.

“Ji Yong move your arm,” you say, trying to pry his hand away from his shoulder. He glared at you, his grip on his shoulder getting tighter.

“I don’t know if you can fucking tell, but I just FUCKING GOT SHOT. NO THANKS TO YOUR FUCKING EX BOYFRIEND,” he yelled. You rolled your eyes and continued to try to pry his hands away.

“If you didn’t know, I went to medical school,” you say, pulling his arm. He shouted out in pain and you rolled your eyes. “So shut up, let go of your arm, and let me fucking heal you.”

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How to say ‘’You’re stupid’’ in Serbian -  a guide by me

Originally posted by xenaandjonesgiflibrary

Note: before we start I need to mention that these are not strictly used to say ‘’you’re stupid’’. Some of them may be used when someone’s simply talking shit. 

*Also, some people may take these as a joke, some may be offended. You never know. 

1. Лупаш као Максим по дивизији. (Lupaš kao Maksim po diviziji.)

  • Translation: You’re banging like Maxim on division. 
  • Explanation: There are two stories about the origin of this phrase. The first one’s stating that during WWI there was some guy named Maxim who was firing lots of shots but with little or no effect, therefore this phrase is used to describe a person who says a lot of stupid shit. The second (and more reasonable) story says that Maxim we’re talking about here is either Hiram Maxim, the inventor of the first portable, fully automatic machine gun, or the gun itself (called the Maxim gun). Either way, it’s about firing lots of words shots, often with no effect. 

2. Лупаш као отворен прозор. (Lupaš kao otvoren prozor.)

  • Translation: You’re banging like an open window. 
  • Explanation: Well, there’s not much to say about this one, but its meaning can be connected with famous promaja (draft / draught). The air that is flowing between two open windows (or doors) is making windows open and close constantly (it’s usually about the casement window) and they make the banging noise. So that’s it. 

3. Кад лупиш ни Дунав не може да те опере. (Kad lupiš ni Dunav ne može da te opere.) 

  • Translation: When you say something even the Danube can’t wash you up.
  • Explanation: I think this one’s pretty clear, the Danube is a huge river, you must have said lots of shit if even that amount of water can’t wash you up. 

4. Немој да једеш говна кад ти је бурек јефтинији. (Nemoj da jedeš govna kad ti je burek jeftiniji.)

  • Translation: Don’t eat shit when burek is cheaper. 
  • Explanation: The only thing that (maybe) needs to be explained here is burek. Burek is a pastry made from layers of dough, alternating with layers of other fillings in a circular baking pan and then topped with a last layer of dough (at least that’s how we make it in Serbia. It’s a bit different in other countries). 
  • Note: Burek was cheap at the time someone came up with this phrase. The price’s been increasing so now you actually have an excuse for eating shit instead of burek.

5. Јеси ти глуп(a) или ти ноге смрде? (Jesi ti glup(a) ili ti noge smrde?) 

  • Translation: Are you stupid or your feet smell? 
  • Explanation: Oh this is just you assuming that your interlocutor maybe isn’t really stupid (who are you to judge, right?), maybe it’s just smell of their feet clouding their mind
  • Note: This one is not that often heard nowadays, but it used to be really popular 3-4 years ago. It was worth mentioning tho. 
  • Note #2: The ‘a’ in the brackets indicates feminine gender, ‘’glup’’ is for a male person, ‘’glupa’’ for a female (there’s also neuter gender but you’ll rarely use that one when talking to someone) 

6. Глуп(а) си као точак. (Glup(a) si kao točak.) 

  • Translation: You’re as stupid as a wheel.
  • Explanation: I’m not quite sure about this one, but I believe it’s because a wheel can only perform one action, and even that does not depend on it, it’s just how the thing goes. 
  • Note: This phrase may be extended, so you’ll often hear someone say ‘’Глуп си као точак, да извине бицикл.’’ (Glup si kao točak, da izvine bicikl) - you’re as stupid as a wheel, my apologies to the bike
  • Note #2: Again the same thing for ‘’glup’’ and ‘’glupa’’.

7. Глуп(а) си као ноћ. (Glup(a) si kao noć.)

  • Translation: You’re as stupid as night. 
  • Explanation: Well there’s no logical explanation for this one except the fact that night used to be stupid and boring before the discovery of electricity. 

8. Јеси ти глуп(а) или ти дупе стоји накриво? (Jesi ti glup(a) ili ti dupe stoji nakrivo?) 

  • Translation: Are you stupid or your ass is askew? 
  • Explanation: I… really don’t know… 

9. Јесу теби чавке попиле мозак? (Jesu tebi čavke popile mozak?)

  • Translation: Did jackdaws drink your brain? 
  • Explanation: Not much to be explained tbh, the point is - your brain’s missing. 

10. Ти ниси баш у винклу. (Ti nisi baš u vinklu.)

  • Translation: You’re not in a vinkl. 
  • Explanation: I don’t know how I’d translate ‘’vinkl’’ but I can try to explain it. ‘’Vinkl’’ comes from german ‘’winkel’’ (angle). Vinkl is a term we use for angle ruler. So when you tell someone they’re not ‘’in a vinkl’’ that means they don’t equal  90°, or, to put it simply - they’re not normal. Wow, that was one hell of an explanation and you’re probably even more confused now. Sorry. Feel free to ask anything you want to know :) 

11. Јел је тебе бабица испустила на главу кад си био мали / кад си била мала? (Jel je tebe babica ispustila na glavu kad si bio mali / kad si bila mala?) 

  • Translation: Did a midwife drop you on your head when you were little? 
  • Explanation: I think this one’s pretty clear. You’re stupid. Period. 
  • Note: ‘’Kad si bio mali’’ - for a male person, ‘’Kad si bila mala’’ for a female

12. Јеси јео / јела бунике? (Jesi jeo / jela bunike?)

  • Translation: Did you eat henbane? 
  • Explanation: ‘’What on earth is making you act (or say something) like that?’’ Yea, that’s pretty much it. 
  • Note: ‘’jeo’’ - masculine; ‘’jela’’ - feminine

13. Ти си недограђен(a) као шапински дом. (Ti si nedograđen(a) kao šapinski dom.)

  • Translation: You’re unfinished like Šapine’s Cultural Center. 
  • Explanation: Oh boy, this needs a longer explanation. First of all, I have to say that this is not used everywhere in Serbia, it’s a regionalism. You can hear it only in my region. Šapine is a village (near my town, that’s why we’re using this phrase), and it’s kinda famous for its Cultural Center which has been being built for years, but it’s still half-done. So by saying this you’re practically saying that someone’s, well, retarded.
  • Note: Word ‘’nedograđen’’ has this ‘’građen’’(built) part which indicates that it’s about a building, while english ‘’unfinished’’ can be used for other things as well.
  • Note #2: ‘’Nedograđen’’ - masculine, ‘’nedograđena’’ - faminine 

14. Теби фали нека даска у глави. (Tebi fali neka daska u glavi.)

  • Translation: You’re missing a plank in your head
  • Explanation: Again used to point out that someone’s brain is not a whole it should be. 

15. Кад је бог делио памет и бистроумност ти си био / ти си била испод 55 јоргана. (Kad je bog delio pamet i bistroumnost ti si bio / ti si bila ispod 55 jorgana.) 

  • Translation: When God was giving away intelligence and wisdom you were (hiding) under 55 quilts. 
  • Explanation: You missed the giveaway bro. Sorry. It’s not your fault. 
  • Note: ‘’Ti si bio’’ - masculine, ‘’ti si bila’’ - feminine 
The One Where Beca Doesn’t Give A Fuck How You Say His Stupid Name

A/N: SURPRISE I WROTE A FIC… ITS BEEN A HOT SEC. here’s some trash, you animals. and also bc @ssbechloe was super cute when she asked if I would write one. So thank her not me. OK BYEEE.

PS: please for the love of Jebus and all things holy, stop tweeting Kay Cannon hate about this whole Chicago thing. It’s not her fault. She only wrote the draft and Universal sucks. (Sincerely, Me who is overprotective and possessive over my homegirl KC)

It’s not like Chloe didn’t know. Like there’s literally no way Chloe couldn’t know. Or was there? Okay there was definitely maybe sort of kinda a slight possibility that she didn’t. Who knows. All Beca knew was that she was stuck back in the hotel in God only knows what country that week while Chloe was out at dinner with Cincinnati. Or was it Connecticut? Maybe it was Columbus. Ya know what, who gives a shit. 

“Beca why the heck would you let ginge just go on a date with him?”

“What do you mean? Amy, she’s not mine. I don’t have ownership over Chloe.”

“Your eyes say otherwise.” Amy sipped her drink and glared over the rim of her glass.

“My eyes? The only thing you can see is that my pupils are dilated because you keep making me drink, my eyes say that the tequila is winning. And besides, if she didn’t want to go, she wouldn’t have.” Alright, maybe her eyes were a little extra glossy because she was crying after Chloe left earlier that night but that doesn’t mean she loves Chloe, okay?

“Lie.”

“Excuse me?”

“Beca she doesn’t care about Chicago!”

So THAT’S his name…

 “Whatever! Are we done here?” Beca stood up, slammed the last of her drink, and walked toward the door.

“Beca, this is your room where are you gonna go?”

“I have no idea but I can’t sit here and drunkenly discuss Chloe shit with you… again. For like the hundredth time.”

“We wouldn’t have to discuss it if you would just sack up and kiss her already.”

“She doesn’t want me to kiss her. I’m not going to kiss her.”

“Whatever you need to tell yourself, Mitchell.”

“I’m outta here.” Beca shook her head and walked out the door. As it slammed behind her she looked up to see Chloe walking in her direction down the hall.

shit fuck damn. She mentally facepalmed before looking up.

Beca! Hey!”

She cleared her throat, straightened her flannel (the author would like to point out the irony of that statement), and mustered the best fake smile she’d ever mustered. “Oh! Hey Chlo. Back from dinner already?” 

Beca could’ve stopped and kept talking to her favorite person to ever grace the presence of planet Earth, but she decided to go back to staring at the ugly carpet and walking down the hall.

Chloe turned as Beca passed her, confused as to why she didn’t stop to talk to her. “Becs, where are you going? I was just going back to the room.”

“I’m uh.. just going for a walk. I’ll be back later. Don’t wait up.”

“Beca I-”

Beca quickly turned around to warn Chloe with a hard blink and a snap of her fingers, “Oh! Careful upon entry; Amy and tequila.” 

She didn’t know where she was walking to. She didn’t want to hear Chloe gush about Chicago. Quite frankly, she didn’t even want to see Chloe’s face, so she just kept going.

– – – –

In complete disregard to Beca’s er.. orders.. she got back to her room around three in the morning to find Chloe in fact waiting up and in fact drinking tequila on the bed.

Beca softly let the door click behind her for some reason thinking Chloe wouldn’t notice. She’s drunk not blind, Mitchell. Nonetheless, she kept walking through the room avoiding the harsh eye contact from the ginger on the bed. 

Hey.”

“Oh. Uh.. hey Chlo.”

“Where did you go?”

“Bar.”

“Even though we’re fully stocked up here?” 

Beca was gathering up her toiletries and pajamas and walked toward the bathroom.

“Yup.”

“Are you okay?”

“Nope.”

“You wanna talk?”

“Nope.”

She reached the door, not looking at the sad Chloe behind her.

“Bec-”

“Goodnight, Chloe.”

door slam.

– – – –

The next morning was very uneventful. Uneventful meaning Aubrey had them up at nine to rehearse for a show they didn’t have for two more days. Only five girls showed up. Beca not being one of them.

“Has anyone talked to Beca today? She was gone when I woke up.”

“Trouble with your lady, Chlo?” Amy wiggled her eyebrows at the redhead who rolled her eyes in return.

“No. She was just really weird last night.”

“Maybe you should just talk to her.” Weird, coming from Aubrey. But okay.

“I tried. She wouldn’t.” Chloe continued stretching and racking her brain.

“Well, are you surprised?” CR replied after swallowing a gulp of her water. “Beca never talks to any of us, only you.”

“Yeah, which is why I’m surprised. Hello.” Chloe was frustrated and waved her arms.

“I don’t know Chloe, just give her some space?” Jessica and Ashley said in unison, obviously.

“Yeah Chloe, don’t pressure her into talking. One time my brother did that to our cousin about baseball cards and he threw up all over the chicken coop and we didn’t have food for weeks.” Guess who (Okay, Flo).

“Wait… Does everyone here know something I don’t?”

All of the Bellas turned to look at each other wide eyed and concerned. No one said a word until Chloe sighed heavily, nostrils flaring.

“Alright pitches, spill.” 

– – – –

Amy 7:08pm: Chloe is onto you.

Beca 7:09pm: I swear to god if any of you said anything

Amy 7:10pm: we didn’t. 

Beca 7:11pm: then how is she ‘onto me’

Amy 7:12pm: guess you’ll just have to talk to her.

Fuck.

Talking to Chloe was not the most appealing option at the moment. Neither was going for a run to clear her head, because lets be real - Beca Mitchell does not under any circumstances run. Unless of course it’s from every problem she ever faces ever. But somehow cardio sounded a lot better than talking to Chloe right now.

Beca 7:15pm: I’m going for a run.

Aubrey 7:17pm: Where are you going?

Beca 7:19pm: BMitch shared her location

– – – –

Aubrey wound up going after the brunette five hours later when she didn’t show up for dinner. Little did Beca know, she brought company.

They both got out of the car and walked out to find Beca sitting on the edge of a tattered dock with her feet in the water. The sun was close to being set and it would be dark soon, whether or not Aubrey was still captain she had a responsibility and didn’t want to leave her out there alone.

“What the fuck Posen?!” Beca stood up from her seat on the dock and put her other headphone back in preparing to run off again down the beach. Aubrey gripped her around her right wrist as she tried to run by.

“Just talk to her, Beca.”

“I’m not talking to any of you!”

“Beca, please?” 

The DJ looked up to see the redhead’s eyes borderline bloodshot. She’d been crying, how convenient.

“Fine, Chloe. You wanna talk? So talk.”

“Why are you being such a bitch right now?!”

“I’m not!” Beca groaned, threw a hand to her forehead in frustration, and threw her head back.

Aubrey let go of Beca’s wrist as soon as she trusted the brunette enough to not make a run for it again, “I”ll be in the car.”

“Becs. It’s just me. Talk to me.”

“I can’t, Chloe.”

“Why?”

“Because I fucking can’t, okay?”

“Is this about Chicago?”

WHAT? You seriously think I’m mad because you went on a freakin’ date with that cabbage patch kid?” 

“Okay so you are mad. Good to know. We’re getting somewhere.” Chloe huffed in annoyance and crossed her arms.

“Jesus Christ, Beale. I’m not mad because you have a love life.”

“So when did you plan on telling me you’re lying?”

“Excuse me?”

“Oh come on, Beca.”

“Don’t ‘come on, Beca’ me.”

“Fine. You don’t wanna talk? I’ll talk for you. I know what you’re thinking like 80% of the time anyway, right?”

“Chlo- stop.”

“No Beca. I won’t stop. This is stupid. We’re standing here in the middle of a beach halfway around the world six years later and you still won’t tell me how you feel.”

Beca sniffled, crossed her arms, and avoided eye contact, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“So you’re not ever going to tell me you love me? That you have this entire time? That me going out to dinner with Chicago last night didn’t completely eat you alive?” Chloe started walking closer, cautiously, to Beca.

“Then why did you fucking go?!” Beca screamed through tears, finally making some sort of eye contact and quickly averting her stare back to the hole she’d dug in the sand with her toes.

“I went because newsflash I’m allowed to have a life, Beca! You won’t even talk to me ever since this whole shit-fest started. Heaven forbid that means I go out to dinner with someone other than you.”

“Chloe, that’s not- ugh. I’m not doing this!” Beca turned to take off and Chloe threw herself infront of her.

“No Beca! You’re not fucking running away from me again! Not now.”

“I can’t do this Chlo!” Beca tried to run again but Chloe blocked her so she threw herself into Chloe’s arms, finally letting out the heap of tears she’d been holding in the whole week.

Chloe tightened her arms around the younger girl and rubbed small circles on her back, not saying a word for a solid five minutes. She finally broke the silence when the sobs from Beca started to slow down. “How’s it goin?”

Beca still wouldn’t look at her, but she pulled back. “Sorry. Uh. I don’t know where that came from.”

“I think I do.”

“Yeah well, congratulations. What do you want, a cookie?”

“Shut up.

“It’s okay to let yourself feel, Becs.”

“I can’t. I’m a badass. I have street cred. Sorry, I don’t make the rules.”

She finally looked up at Chloe to see those big blue eyes spilling just as many tears as she was. “So… were you ever gonna tell me?”

“Why would I Chlo?” 

“Because we’re Beca and Chloe. We tell each other everything. No matter what.”

“Yeah, well apparently not evertying.”

“Okay true. I guess I also kinda forgot one small detail.”

“Wait wha-”

“Chicago is gay, Becs.”

“He’s what?!”

She couldn’t pinpoint one exact reason as to why she was grinning like an idiot in the dark on the beach with Chloe, but that was probably one of them.

“Yeah. So. We just kinda went out to dinner to talk about it and bond over it and life and all that stuff.”

“Why the hell didn’t you tell me that in the first place?”

“Might have something to do with the fact that you wouldn’t even look at me.”

“Oh. Ha. Yeah.”

“So.”

“So.”

“How long have you known?”

“Since the worlds.”

“Beca! That was senior year!” she slapped her shoulder.

“Yeah, I’m aware.”

“You kept this from me for five years?”

“Do you blame me?”

“Yes!”

“Chloe I literally thought you wanted nothing to do with me.”

“You’re oblivious, Mitchell. I literally told you I wanted to experiment and asked if you wanted a backrub. Not to mention the fact that every trip we went on I insisted that we share the room with one bed.”

“You perve. And yes, oblivious, maybe.” Beca stood up straighter and shook out her shoulders, “but still badass.”

Chloe slowly started getting closer to Beca while reaching for her hips, staring at her lips. Beca was losing her mind. What the hell was happening? 

“Oh yeah. Total badass.”

“To be fair, you kept it from me too.”

“I didn’t want to scare you off.”

“You could never.”

“Yeah? So you just like to run seven miles down a foreign beach for funsies?”

“You know my name, not my story.” Their bodies were now pressed up against each other, Beca didn’t know what to do with her hands and her eyes kept dodging Chloe’s.

“So if I kissed you right now, you’re not gonna go ape shit, right?”

“I think if you kissed me I would most definitely go ape shit.”

“But no cardio involved this time, okay?” Chloe leaned in as Beca’s eyes slowly started to close in sync with her own.

“No cardio.” Beca whispered just as Chloe closed the gap between them.

You know what I’m not gonna pretend that Joss Whedon is a perfect writer, I think it’d be unfair to say that about any writer but that’s not the point, for now Joss Whedon is not a perfect writer. There are certainly issues in his scripts, the occasional racism being a big one (although one thing I think we should all bear in mind: don’t think it’s ever been intentional. Not an excuse by any means, but there’s a big difference between being a racist writer and being a flawed writer who fucks up every so often because they don’t get the intricacies of the issue).

However I do not understand the sudden hatred of him on this site. Like actually stop and think it through for a second here. Go back to buffy, actually think it through. Again, not perfect writing, and some stuff in the early seasons could potentially be interpreted as slut-shaming (although I genuinely believe if you go and watch it again without a closed mind, that was absolutely not the intention). But can we just not forget how fucking important that show was? How much that show paved the way for better representation in tv and movies. It was one of the earliest shows to have an openly lesbian relationship within the main cast (and especially in a main stream show), which honestly I think was handled really well for the time (late 90s, early 2000s, really not a good time for this stuff on tv). It was never sexualised, like even remotely, it was just shown as a normal relationship. The one time it was slightly sexualised was in a dream sequence in Zanders mind which was intended to show the grossness of straight cis dudes. And also to the people complaining that almost no lesbian kisses were shown and the characters were always referred to as “gay” without a mention of the possibility of being bi, REMEMBER WHEN THIS SHOW CAME OUT. Honestly it’s astounding that they got away with showing what they did. Seriously shows we’re being pulled around that time for being less explicit than that.

In terms of buffy as a female character, again there are certainly flaws but AGAIN think about when this came out. Think about other shows around then. Buffy was as good as it got then for feminism. And sure, it could have been better for that stuff but if it wasn’t for buffy we would not be at the point we are at now. We’d be several years behind. She gave young girls a role model, who was tough and a badass but also vulnerable and could be very feminine. She was a well rounded, well written character. A female character who was given an opportunity to be flawed.

Buffy is the reason for so much of the the advancements we’ve had in tv representation and how these characters are written and developed. Yes it would’ve been nice if a non straight white dude was given the opportunity to pave that path, but again at that point in time that was simply not going to happen. That isn’t Joss Whedons fault, and you know what he did a damn good job as a replacement. I mean what do you want him to do? Not write parts for women and lgbtq characters? Sure he’s not the most qualified but speaking as part of the latter community I’d much rather he tried than just didn’t bother, and so far he’s done a good job by me.

Touching on firefly for a second, here’s a mainstream sci-fi show with an ensemble cast with a 50/50 split between male and female characters. Again, that was not common back then. All the female characters are well written, well rounded, interesting and diverse characters. Each one was distinctly different from each other and never once blended together, arguably even more so than the male characters. A point I forgot to mention with buffy was that these were characters who were able to enjoy their sexuality and were never put down for that, except to make a point about a male character being gross. Mal makes comments about Inara’s occupation as a companion but this is always shown as kinda gross and as a representation of a certain way of thinking about things that was separated from what was expected from the audience (mal was frequently shown to be NOT a representative of the audience, hence why he was able to be a very flawed character). Also, while less obvious and less talked about, Inara is a canonically bi character (Kaylee may also be, although that’s a bit more implication than with Inara). I say it again, all of this was a fucking big and frankly brave move when these shows came out and helped a whole fucking lot with improving writing quality and representation.

On top of all of this, both of these shows were just really fucking good. All of this was handled brilliantly, because they just got on with their stories and character development. The lesbian relationship in buffy was a big plot line but the plot line was never “look willows gay now”, it was 100% of the time “willows in a happy relationship, isn’t that nice” and the fact that it was with a girl was talked about exactly as much as it should be which means, if we are talking about true representation here, not very often. Like, a realistic amount. When willow comes out to buffy she’s surprised for like 10 seconds and then the show moves on, which is how it fucking should be. It wasn’t a lazily thrown together “coming out and dealing with my lesbianism” plot line, it just got on with things because that how real relationships work. Even today, how many mainstream shows can you think of which handle this subject that well?

And very quickly on avengers, DOES EVERYBODY REMEMBER HOW FUCKING WELL WRITTEN AVENGERS 1 IS? And then sure, he made some bad choices in AOU, but that was around the time that marvel was cracking down on its writers and directors to make sure that the films fitted into the wider mcu. Marvel had full creative control over AOU, and completely crushed whedons creativity. That’s why he left marvel if you remember, because he wasn’t able to make his film, he made a film put together by money people. I 100% believe that’s where the concerning choice about Natasha’s character came from. Not him.

Ive only seen bits and pieces of whedons scrapped Wonder Woman script. I’m not going to deny that it sucks because it does. It really does. I’m a whedon fan, but it sucks. But what we really need to hear in mind is:

A) It was written 10 years ago. Yes firefly and buffy were before that but in the course of 10 years chances are he’s improved.
B) it was a first draft. Pretty much every script ever sucks in its first draft, because it hasn’t been refined but also because writers have to include the shit that keeps the producers happy in their first draft, and then they can figure out how to improve it once it’s green light.
C) This is one bad script. 1. Writers fuck up sometimes. Are we really gonna throw a writer under the bus based on 1 dodgy script? Honestly that’s a fucked up way of judging art and a scary precedent to set. “Awh ya fucked up once? Awh well, fuck you forever.” Like seriously? Get a grip.

We don’t know what the justice league scenes he’s doing are going to be like yet (and let’s be fucking real here, they’re going to be a hell of a lot better than whatever awful, steaming pile of shit a puke that Snyder has come up with), and we know nothing about his batgirl movie yet. How about we all climb down of the high horse for a second and just wait and see instead of pre-judging him like a bunch of whiny entitled babies.

Yes I’m a fan. Yes I’m biased. But I also recognise the concern. I get it. But can we please calm the fuck down and just wait and see for once? That’d be nice.

In fact can we just marathon buffy and firefly?

Holy fuck that’s a long post

ginpotts  asked:

my hc is that liz took michelle "under her wing" and introduced her to acadec and then they actually really become friends which totally surprises them both because they just didnt think they would click so well ok but they do and its glorious

okay so like…i wrote a whole headcanon for this and then like a dumbASS clicked out of this page and lost it ALL and i wanna cry so bad. anyway, this is sad and not as good but here we go!

  • so like, mj is standing at the club fair kinda terrified because it’s a new school and she’s a freshman in high school and she always forgets how to make friends
  • but then this bright ray of sunshine junior girl liz comes up to her like “i was you once” and guides her to the acadec table and explains what they do and how they’re a close knit group
  • so naturally mj joins acadec
  • and she likes it
  • and she likes liz
  • but liz is bubbly and friendly and open and mj is none of those things. and liz has friends and college and all these things going on and so they don’t really become friends
  • but then one day mj is doing homework in the library (maybe algebra or something idk) and liz comes over all like “hey! michelle, what’s up?”
  • and then they start chatting. and mj asks liz for help on this one algebra problem and then talks through liz’s ideas for her personal statement for college apps (because you can’t tell me this girl isn’t on top of her shit)
  • and then it becomes a habit?
  • they talk through school stuff and acadec stuff and then talk about personal ambitions and internal struggles and they become like…really good friends?
  • and michelle is…happy? she feels…good? she has a friend?
  • and they spend a lot of time together and hang out and mj does a lot of things just bc liz asks
  • like, mj at liz’s party even though ned and peter weren’t initially invited so it’s obvious that it wasn’t just a decathlon general gathering??? you betcha liz made sure mj was gonna go and looked cute af
  • mj going to the pool the day before acadec nationals even though she only read a book and was Not Interested™??? uh, hell yeah my friend. liz and mj are sharing a room and no way liz was leaving without mj by her side
  • and you can count on the fact that the minute liz got down from the broken washington monument, mj gave her a big hug and breathed deeply and whispered, “i’m so happy you’re okay”
  • and then when mj finds out about liz’s dad? and she has to go to oregon?? she’s going to be leaving??
  • mj might cry. a bit. okay. so, a lot. but it’s liz and liz is like…her best friend. she’s allowed to be emotional about this. and liz gives mj a big hug the day before she leaves and tells her to call
  • so she does.
  • mj calls a lot. they skype once a week. they next nearly every other day. they talk on the phone when they just need to hear each other’s voices and they don’t want to skype
  • mj asks for advice about the decathlon team. she tells liz when they win their next competition and complains about peter parker (”you like him” “no i don’t” “you totally do” “okay wasn’t he your boyfriend or something this is weird”)
  • liz tells mj about the new friends she’s making (”i never doubted you’d make friends”), asks mj to read her personal statement when she gets a final draft written, calls mj when she finds out about college acceptances
  • they miss each other. but they’re making it work
  • and when liz gets a text that she was absolutely, 100%, on the edge of her seat waiting for, she smiles
  • mj <3: so…i have something to tell you
  • liz of my life: o m g, tell me
  • mj <3: so like
  • mj <3: well…
  • liz of my life: just spit it out oh my goodness
  • mj <3: i might….like peter
  • mj <3: in a non-platonic way
  • liz of my life: OH MY GOODNESS I KNEW IT
  • liz of my life: ahaha, honey, you may just be realizing this now but we’ve all known since the end of sophomore year so welcome aboard this train’s going full steam ahead
  • mj <3: goodness gracious, who else knows???
  • liz of my life: literally the whole decathlon team
  • liz of my life: i get texts sporadically asking me if you and peter are secretly dating
  • mj <3: i still think this is weird also
  • liz of my life: oh shut up it’s fine
  • liz of my life: there’s actually someone in palo alto…
  • mj <3: OH MY GOODNESS AND YOU DIDN’T TELL ME!?!!!
  • liz laughs because she loves this girl
  • even though she’s a junior in high school and they’re not all that similar (love of acadec aside) and she pretends that she doesn’t feel a single emotion in the world when liz knows perfectly well that’s a big fat lie
  • and they’re best friends and they work and it’s beautiful
  • so liz is pretty happy
AU Masterlist

((All of the following have been collected))

Awkward Meetings

-I broke your nose in a mosh pit, sorry

-I hit you with my car and was the only one to visit you in the hospital, this is sort of awkward, are you okay?

-You’re getting chased by the police and you just jumped in my car and yelled drive, wtf man

-You just punched me in the face while gesturing wildly to a friend, your friend can’t stop laughing and I’m too shocked to respond to your apologies

-You laughed in a restaurant, but your laugh is really weird and I thought you were choking so I’m awkwardly humping you while attempting to perform the Heimlich maneuver and why this working isn’t, you’re just choking harder now this is awful

-We met on a Sunday morning, both doing our walk of shame

-I get really sick on roller-coasters and you are sitting in front of me, I’m so sorry

-You’re the bastard who keeps parking in front of my house and you just caught me drawing a dick on your window with a permanent marker… ugh, oops.

-I work at a department store and if you take out and unfold another fucking shirt and just leave it, I’m going to fucking shove it down your throat

-You broke into my apartment drunk thinking it was your friends place and I should call the cops by my cat likes you so????

-You’re my new dealer and you just friended me on Facebook and idk how to react to that

-You saw me reading the same book you are and now we are arguing about the motives of the antagonist

-This is a five-hour-long plane ride, we’re sitting together and you’re deathly afraid of flying.

-I got into a cab to find someone already inside

-You thought I was your friend/sister

-Holy shit, I’m in the wrong car.

-I was walking by a roller coaster and your shoe flew off and hit me in the head and now I’m on the floor trying not to fall unconscious.

-It’s 2am and I’m drunk and I need some salt for my fries and I know your awake so OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR

-You fell asleep on me in the subway and I should probably wake you up and it’s my stop next stop but it’s okay, I can always just catch the subway back…

-I know nothing about camping and all my friends left me at the site. -Please, help me, I think I just heard a bear

-This has been a shitty week and you just grabbed the last box of my favorite comfort food from the shelf, do you really want to fight me rn?

-We met in a movie theatre and now you’re clinging to me because you’re terrified and I’m okay with that because it means I get your popcorn.

-You had a party and I got really drunk and stole your microwave, so now I’m at your place and your super hungover so here, I made breakfast?

 

Neighbor/Roommate

-The guy living below me has a really loud alarm clock that always wakes me up at the crack of dawn

I went to investigate a scream and found my neighbor standing on a chair to avoid a rat/mouse/cricket (etc.)

-My neighbor has a really squeaky bed and my bedroom is below theirs

-You keep stealing my doormat and HAH, I’ve got you this time thief!

-The apartment above me has left their tap on or something and water is leaking through my ceiling

-My neighbor’s sibling got the wrong house number and barged into my apartment on accident.

-My roommate keeps stealing my coffee so now I make extra

-You’re my new neighbor and wow man, you have some really weird habits.

-You’re my neighbor and you are stealing my Wi-Fi to watch porn and can you not?

-You locked yourself outside of your apartment and there’s a storm rolling in and I pity you so please come into my apartment I’ll make you hot chocolate?

-I heard you singing at 3 am and joined in and now you’re at my door and wtf mate I think your drunk but your voice is really nice so?

-I just set the fire alarm in our building off again… sorry. I know it’s like the fourth time this week…

You keep mowing your lawn when I’m trying to sleep and seriously FUCK YOU

-My new neighbor is really hot and wow I didn’t even like women until now? And now she is in the garden planting flowers in her bikini wow… I’m in too deep

-It’s 3 am and you’re blasting off classic rock at full volume and your music taste might be awesome but soME PEOPLE are trying to sLEEP

-We’ve never met but we shower at the same time and our showers are on opposite sides of the same apartment wall so sometimes we start duets?

-“You’re my roommate and it’s way past midnight and you’re talking about how Charles Dickens inspired prison reform and how the moon must feel insignificant because it borrows light from the sun and this is all very interesting but will you please shut up and go to sleep” AU.

-“We live next door to each other and I can see you through the window while you’re dancing to your iPod in your flannel pajamas and disheveled hair and God you’re a dork” AU
-My shower is broken because of some stupid mistake and I have to use the one in your room
-I’m a heavy sleeper and my alarm is so loud and obnoxious you have to wake me up in some way to switch it off
-Mutual hate for our stupid landlord/flat mate/neighbor
-I woke up form a nightmare screaming and you’ve rushed over from your apartment to try and calm me down and…you look really hot when you wear glasses and you’re almost naked

 

Pets

-I’m out walking and my dog started chasing your dog.

-My cat/dog ran away and you just found it but refuse to accept the reward.

-We are neighbors and your cat got my cat pregnant… so, wanna raise this little kitty family?

-My pet tarantula/snake (etc.) escaped and I forgot to warn the guy below me who is terrified of snakes/spiders

-I need you to pet sit my pet for a while and I forgot to mention it’s a snake, the mice are in the freezer. Thanks, bye

-My cat really hates you cat and that’s the third time this week I’ve had to pry them apart.

-My cat keeps breaking into your apartment and it ate all your plants… dinner to make up for it?

-My cat sneaked out on the balcony and into your open window and he has this habit of destroying furniture and pissing everywhere so I followed him inside and you came home earlier than I expected and found me in the middle of your living room and honestly I’m not a burglar

-Your dog likes me a thousand times better than she likes your partner and sorry not sorry I love this dog

-You were walking your dog when you found me passed out on a park bench and thank you for waking me up and buying coffee instead of stealing my wallet

-I know it’s cute, but we can’t keep it.

-Fun fact, I picked this up on my way home.

-You said you wanted something cute for your Birthday, but I have a feeling our definition of that word is vastly different.

-I reckon that you’ll be unable to let them go.

-We need to find its actual owner. Come on.

-Oh no, their eyes. My biggest weakness.

-Look at its little feet. I’m in love.

-I suppose we can have one, but I mean it. One.

 

Music

-I’m on a bus and wow, you’re singing really loudly and everyone is giving you weird looks, hey bud, tone it down, also great choice in music

-You play Double Bass/Cello and I play 1st chair Violin and we keep making eye contact and damn your super cute.

-You play in an orchestra and I love these songs so much, plus you’re really cute. Shit man, you’ll never notice me in the huge crowd…

-Music is kinda illegal and my friend just died and apparently he wrote music and wow I want to know what it sounds like and to play it at his funeral but I don’t know how to. You’re a well-known music dealer, do you happen to understand these notes? Can you help me?

-I tried to act cool at this concert and I thought I was leaning on a wall but apparently it was a speaker and now it’s on the ground in pieces and everyone’s glaring at me… sorry?
-Your music choice is so bad but you’re undeniably, yet irritatingly cute when you bop your head along

Supernatural

-I’m a wizard and I just accidently appeared into your house. Oops.

-I died over 2000 years ago and you’ve been dead for like 2 hours, man, damn it now I have to explain this shit to you. Great.

-I’m immortal and you’re mortal and I don’t know how to explain this to you and soon enough you’re going to realise that I’m not aging… shiiittt

-You’re a Greek god and I’m the roman counterpart.

-I’m a ghost and you’re alive and I think I’m in love with you…. Fuck.

-You’re a faun and I’m a Satry

-I’m half demon and people often judge me based on my looks, but your blind and wow you actually like me?

-I’m a time traveler and I went back in time and wow I think I’m in love with you, fuck this isn’t good, I just faked being George Washington… wait what? George Washington doesn’t exist here? Shit… I actually am George Washington.

-I’m a writer and you’re my character and wtf how the heck did you just literally climb out of my first draft?

-I’m a werewolf but I don’t want to tell you because my wolf form might be that really small Chihuahua you keep mentioning you see when I go out…

-I’m an android and you’re a human and wow what is that warmth I feel when I see you?

-I’m a homesick telepath and you’re the poor soul who is receiving all these emotions, sorry

-Somehow I’m in your body and you’re in mine and shit man being this close to the ground is fucked up.

-I’m a genie and d you rubbed my lamp so congrats you get three wishes but you can’t seem to think of shit and why the fuck do I have to be stuck with you? Hurry up and think of some wishes okay?

-I was an awful angel and as punishment I have to be your guardian angel and wow your super cute and nice but I still hate you

-You keep having strange dreams that turn out to be us in a past life and you’re determined to fine me again but in this life I’m already dead.

-We live in the year 3090, you’re a scientist and I’m your assistant. Unfortunately and experiment goes wrong and I die. Now you’re trying to put my brain into a robot but it’s not the same

-I’m a vampire and I have a moment of weakness, you’re nearby and let’s just say it doesn’t end well

-I’m a dragon and you’re a really hot prince, that’s right, they locked up the wrong royalty.

-You’re a pirate and I’m a siren and woah… are you asexual? That’s so cool, hey wait, don’t go I just want to talk

-Your mirror is a doorway into my dimension and I can see everything….

-Listen I am genetically modified and you WILL let me hide in your house

-Ok, so I panicked and kissed this human so he wouldn’t drown. And I know you don’t want me to keep him, and we can’t let him leave if he knows about us mere people so what do you want to do?

-You’re actually a really friendly and chill vampire and at night you float around outside of my bedroom window to talk with me about the universe and stuff
-I’m sick so you make me chicken soup and I’m really grateful but I’ve also seen you read books on magical spells and potion-making so I’m not sure if I should drink your soup in case it turns me into a toad

 

School/College

-I just got partnered with you in dance class and I can’t dance for shit

-You’re my science lab partner and how the fuck did you just explode that beaker?

-I’m an art student and you just found my sketchbook and you’re going through it. Shit man can you give that back, I don’t care how good you think they are just don’t turn that page…

-You’re the school dork and I’m the school jock and fuck you can see where this is going

-We are the only two kids who ride this school bus, maybe we should carpool?

-I thought you were my roomies new boyfriend so I invited you in but you’re actually the RA of the dorm and now you think I want to have sex with you

-I accidently flooded the laundry room and you really need to do laundry

-You’re sitting in my seat in this lecture and who even are you? I’ve never seen you before… wait what, stop checking me out!

-We argued so much during a class discussion that we both got kicked out and we’re still arguing outside the class

-You left your USB in the library computer and I had to go through your files to figure out who you are and in the end I read the entirety of this book you’re working on and wow you’re really good?

-I’m a traditional painter who has to take a basic Photoshop class, you’re a graphic design major sitting next to me and getting sucked into helping me out because I’m so shitty at this

-My pottery bowl exploded in the kiln and I feel like a failure, you found me crying about it in the hallway and are now trying to comfort me and your sweater is really soft wow sorry

-You and your friends have been playing the penis game in the library for the last five minutes and none of you have gotten above a quiet yell and fuck it I’m trying to study over her so fuck you I’m going to put an end to this game by winning

-Romeo and Juliet of the math and English departments

-I want to get along with you roomie… but I like star wars… and you like star trek… this isn’t going to work.

-I usually talk to my friends through Morse code in class but… apparently you know Morse too… and now you know I think your butt is cute

-I got cursed and turned into an animal and taken to the shelter and now I’m being adopted by someone who is really hot OH FUCKING NO
-we’re in general bio discussion and the topic is meiosis and… uh… why is the graduate student instructor telling us that we’re going to act it out? And assigning us all chromosome

-You’re my roommate who’s super cute and it’s the middle of the night and you’re cramming for your exams in your flannel pajamas and disheveled hair and it’s becoming increasingly hard for me not to kiss you

-You’re an Art student and I’m an English major and you keep stealing the papers for my assignment to doodle and I would kill you but you’re really cute and hey that’s actually a really nice sketch

-You’re the perpetual frowner in class and one day as I’m answering the teacher I intentionally make a very cheesy pun and I can hear crickets but you’re laughing out loud and that makes me feel very much accomplished

-You’re the one in class who has tattoos all over their arms and piercings and everybody’s scared of you and one day I catch you watching cat videos and doodling in the middle of a lecture and wow you’re a dork

-I’m a fashion major and I’m working on my illustrations and maybe I’ve had too much coffee but I swear I just saw one of the mannequins move so here I am calling you in the middle of the night please help I’m scared

-You’re the health-conscious med student and I’m the chain-smoking art student who’s also your barista and you leave me notes on smoking and lung health on your napkins and also a 20-page essay on lung cancer tucked under you saucer

-It’s gym class and we’re playing volleyball and you spike really well and you manage to hit the ball square in my face and I think I’m bleeding and you’re apologizing profusely and it’s okay but you’re really cute so I guess I’ll take you up on that offer for coffee

-We have zero classes together but I see you at least five times a day what the fuck????

-I go on late night walks around campus and apparently you do too

-You work in the cafeteria on campus and I order the same thing every day so we keep making small talk and wow you actually seem pretty cool???

-You keep grabbing the biggest group study room but you never have a study group; I actually do have a group and I’m gonna give you a piece of my mind

-You work in the Starbucks on campus and picked up on my obscure reference/t-shirt from some obscure show/etc. and now I’m determined to talk to you about it

-We both went to grab the last ice cream and I’m insisting you take it but you’re insisting that I take it (added bonus: hey, why don’t we just share it?)

-We were on the same college tour

- It’s prime time for practice rooms and all of the good ones are taken except for that one – don’t you fucking dare, I will FIGHT you for it.

- I saw you sleeping on the couch in the lounge in the morning, but now it’s like 5 pm and you’re still here. Are you ok?

- Oh good an empty practice roo- HOLY SHIT. Why are you lying on the ground in a dark?!

- The theory professor makes no sense and you’re the star pupil. Teach me everything you know about theory and I will buy you anything you want from Starbucks. Grande. Venti. Frappuccino. Chai Tea Latte. You name it.

- I’m trying to study in the lounge and you’re blasting your music. I don’t care how much you love Mahler, have you ever heard of ear phones???

- I’m trying to schedule my recital, but you have the time/location I want. Ok, what do I have to sell you for that time slot/date?

- I agreed to help you with your music Ed video project and now you’re trying to teach me trumpet and my god I am terrible at this instrument.

- You’re really cute and I may have done more than three casual walk-bys of your practice room. I’m on my sixth walk-by when we make eye contact. Oh shit.

- I don’t know you, but you grabbed me to help with your audition videos and wow, you’re really good and attractive…Oh crap, stop the camera now?

- You’re in the orchestra and I’m in the choir. I’ve had a crush on you all semester. I’m pretty sure you’ve caught me staring at the violin section one to many times.

- Amidst all the Mozart, Beethoven, and Chopin I hear musical theatre?!?!?!!? I race out of my practice room and go on a mad hunt until I find you and oh my god you’re playing my favourite show let’s be friends!

 

 

Near Death Experiences

-Wow I was just in a fatal accident and who the hell are you? What is this I’m I dying? Wait no, I don’t want this, how do I get out of it? A deal you say, I’ll take it.

-You’re an executioner and I’m about to be executed but you can’t seem to run the guillotine, wait what, why are we running away, man you’re my favourite executioner

-Our plane/boat crashed and now it’s just us on this island.

-I just took a super dangerous job and you’re trying to talk me out of it, but we really need the money

-It’s the middle of a war and I’m on a ship that you’re ship just torpedoed. Now I’m a prisoner and wow why can’t I feel my legs. I’m not cooperating until I can feel them again. What the fuck do you mean I’m paralyzed?

-I’m addicted to ____ (drugs/alcohol etc.) and you found me in an alleyway due to after effects of my addiction (beat up, overdose etc.) and decide to take me in.

-I sold my soul to bring you back to life and I don’t have long left please make this time count

 

Mistaken and Secret Identities

-I’m a thief/hacker/murder and you’ve found out my identity and have been bugging me for days to take you on as your partner

-I’m a superhero and you want to be like me but in doing so become a supervillain, what do you mean you don’t understand why I’m punching you?

-I’m a superhero, you’re a supervillain, but we don’t know each other’s identities and we are actually best friends

-I’m runaway royalty and you’re a commoner, fuck I’m so screwed I need your help, I’ll explain later

-You think I’m a celebrity and you’re talking too much for me to explain I am definitely not… that dude. What was his name again?

-You’re a superhero and I’m your best friend and what the fuck man? Why the hell didn’t you tell me? If you had maybe I would be fucking caught with this stupid ass monologue-ing villain

-I have a very cute neighbor and very thin walls and one day I call you and err… your moans are very synchronized with my neighbor’s…

-I’m a superhero and you’re a supervillain and I saw you visiting kids at the children’s hospital and letting them act like they defeated you and now it’s really hard to punch you in the face

 

Profession Based

-Your my mailman and I can’t help but notice that you linger at my door slightly longer than you need to ever since you saw me that one time. Do you want to come inside?

-I’m a private detective and you’re my client and fuck man you’re in some deep shit

-You’re a protester and I’m a police officer. Seriously can you please calm down a little bit, this is my job not my beliefs.

-I’m a make-up artist/hair stylist and I you’re an actor/model and are you flirting or???

-You’re a celebrity and sorry mate, I have to take pictures to pay rent, and I know it’s invasive seriously, sorry

-You’re a store clerk and fuck, is that my ex? Can I please hide behind this counter?

-You’re a lifeguard at my kid’s swimming competition and I fell in the pool with all my clothes on and you awkwardly tried to save me even though I didn’t need it.

-You work at a pet store and I came in to look at tarantulas but somehow we lost the biggest one and its loose somewhere in the store and it really doesn’t help that you’re terrified of spiders

-I’m a firefighter and you started a fire in your kitchen but you’re still flirting with me even though you’re not wearing pants and I’m carrying you down a ladder. Stop complimenting my muscles for fucks sake

-We work at the same company and I kind of had a crush on you until I noticed that you’re the asshole stealing my lunch from the office fridge.

-I’m a firefighter and you live near the station I work at and we talk/flirt with each other a lot. One day me and my team get called to put out a fire and it’s your home ablaze. You don’t make it.

-I work at a fruit store and you come in almost every day and rearrange stuff on the shelves and then leave. Today you made the apples spell ‘call me’

-It’s 2am and I was just trying to get home but I left my sunroof open all day and now there’s a squirrel in my car and it scared me and I drove into a pole - stop laughing! You’re a cop, aren’t you supposed to be helping?

-You’re drunk and want my name tattooed on your ass.

-You always bring your dates to the restaurant I wait at and now you’re here alone… you okay mate?

-The manager says the only reason the restaurant where we work at is popular is because people enjoy eating while watching our relentless flirting with each other but I swear to God we’re not flirting???

-You and I are both baristas at a coffee shop and one day I step out of the café to take a break and walk in on you gleefully drawing phallic pictures on the chalkboard outside that no one pays attention to so what are you doing?

 

Teacher x Teacher

-The nice one who everybody loves with the grumpy and strict one that the students hate and the students wonder?????????how what the fuck. But later (not in school environment maybe by accident) the students (a group of them) see that the strict one isn’t really that strict and they love their partner

-The cool married teachers that talk about each other and everyone loves like one of them comes late to class and is like “sorry i’m late guys mx. [partner] is really sick and i wanted to be sure everything is alright” and the students spend 5 minutes fussing over the other teacher and asking questions about their wellbeing “ARE THEY DYING” “No Joey they’ve just caught a cold” [and trying to make this one forget about their class”

-two teachers that EVERYBODY ships like the students are trying to get them together, “Soo, Mx. A, Mx. B will have a concert tomorrow for the school and they need all the help and they asked me to tell you….so you can tell other students” “Mx. B didn’t tell me anything about it” “oh it was like, last moment thing you know. they didn’t have time. and like, they really need help.”

And the teacher is like “Thanks Johnson” and trying to be really cool but REALLY BEING NOT COOL OMG WHERE’S THE SQUAD OF DUCKLINGS TO HAVE AN EXCUSE TO GO AND HELP

and like other teachers shipping them too

“Mx. A you know about the prom. There’s a rule that the teachers must have some partners too” [dunno if it already is something like this, it is not in my country] “I did not know about this rule.” “Oh it’s very recent. So, you know, teachers are never alone and can be protected in case it’s necessary. I also heard that Mx. B has no partner.”

OPPOSITE TEACHERS????

Like, science/maths teachers with art/languages teacher. Or stuff like this.

Talking about their subject passionately and the other not understanding shit but loving it anyway because they’re so fucking cute.

-We are both teachers and at the end of the year we compare how many gifts -we’ve received from student and you’ve won for the past three years

-RIVAL TEACHERS?????? Like here is your impossible love

-Teachers of the same subject in different schools fighting in competitions and shit

-Or teachers of the same subject talking passionately about their course. and praising each other.

-Teachers talking about their students, the bad ones and the cool ones

-LGBT teachers standing up for LGBT students and offering them support and helping them feel more at ease in this clusterfuck of school

-OTP 1 teacher/teacher and OTP 2 student/student

-OTP 2 being so thankful that OTP 1 exists. OTP 1 giving advice to OTP 2.

-DOMESTIC TEACHER/TEACHER

-Grading stuff together. Bringing each other food/beverages. Helping each other through all the stuff.

 

 

Old Friends

-I knew you in high school and I ran into you at a renaissance fair wearing full knight regalia

-I met you once when I was 12, we started a pen-pal relationship across the world and haven’t stopped even though we are a lot older now.

-You were my best friend when we were younger but your family moved to the other side of the world, and we haven’t talked in years. But now your back and wow how did you recognise me when I can’t even remember your name?

 

Fake Dating

-I hired you to be my date for a wedding but your super cute, maybe we cannot fake-date?

-I’m fake dating you to have someone to vent to on family gatherings while also pissing off my conservative uncle that I never liked and wow… have your eyes always been this nice?

-We’re both cosplayers and we somehow always manage to meet each other at cons dressed as a popular ship and people always want photos of us in compromising positions and so we always end up fake-dating the entire day but you’re actually really hot and I’m head over heels for you

-My friend dragged me to this party and I just saw my ex, quick make out with me, I’ll pay you.

 

Mutual Friends

-“Our mutual friend invites us to go shopping with them and it’s kind of awkward and now you’re pushing them around the mall in a shopping cart and you’re both screaming like excited children and I’m paying the cashier and pretending I don’t know either of you” AU.

-“Our mutual friend invites us for Thanksgiving dinner with their other friends and now there’s a full-fledged food fight going on with potatoes and turkey flying everywhere and we’re both seeking refuge under the table whilst sharing a bag of chips that you brought (just in case)” AU.

- It’s our mutual friend’s wedding and they keep shoving us into each other because we’re the only ones at the ceremony who are single

Smol and Tol

-you’re always making fun of my short legs well jokes on you sucker because you are failing so hard at this obstacles course with your giraffe limbs

-you can pout all you want, at the end of the day i win all the arguments because i can just pick you up and place you in a corner a sulk yourself tired

i really wanna knee you in the crotch right now but your crotch is too fucking high

-“how did you two meet?” “They tripped over me. While I standing.”

-man, i hate going out into huge crowds with you because i always lose you among all the children and i have to peruse through all of them to find you

-man, i love going out into huge crowds with you because you’re like a beacon sticking out and i’m basically never lost

-whenever i get too mad or frustrated or down you give me a piggyback and it’s embarrassing how much it calms me

-you’re so fantastic to cuddle because i can, like, hold all of you. no place misses out on my hugs, you get all the hug, the full hug,, all my love
-Tol likes to give Smol piggy backs wherever they go
-Smol tries to give Tol a piggy back and they both fall over and laugh
-Tol constantly gets asked out by random strangers at bars while Smol is mistaken as considerable younger and is never asked out so they’re always ready to fight the strangers off

Theatre

-that stage kiss WAS NOT SCRIPTED WTF

- I’m the stage manager and you’re the cocky lead who won’t SHUT UP backstage PEOPLE CAN HEAR YOU

-for closing night bets you slipped me tongue during our stage kiss what the fuck do I do

-we’re not playing the romantic leads but everyone ships our characters and they keep making us take pictures together in costume (I kind of love it)

-we’re in the chorus together and you never know what the notes are so you have to stand impossibly close to me to listen and it just makes me mess up and I SWEAR TO GOD ARE YOU DOING THAT ON PURPOSE

-everyone in the show has to wear makeup I swear I will wrestle you into this chair if I have to

-oh my god you’re doing my makeup and you’re so close and I can’t breathe

-I may have learned your romantic lead’s part and then attempted to take them out the night of the show

-we made out in the light booth

-this is the first time I’ve seen you in costume and holy fuck how do you look so good in that

Cafe/Resturant

 

-You’re the cute and quiet customer that frequents the coffee shop where I’m a barista and also where my rival barista works and we’re both fighting for your attention in increasingly creative and inconspicuous ways (making foam art, writing cheesy pick-up lines on your napkin etc. etc.)

-You’re the jerk-face customer that keeps on thumbing through their phone while ordering their drink so I exact revenge by spelling your name wrong on your cup and drawing phallic pictures on your coffee

-You and I go out to a sushi bar and the sushi chef yells at you for being allergic to a particular kind of fish and now you’re crying and I’m trying to comfort you

-You and I are at a sushi restaurant and you’re continuously snagging sushi off the belt that I have to pay for and you don’t seem to be going to stop anytime soon but you look so cute when you’re eating with that smile on your face what the hell man

-We’re both strangers sitting in the same booth at an eatery because all the other booths are full and you’re drawing smiley faces on your plate with ketchup and wow your concentrated frown is cute

-I’ve been standing in line at the coffee shop for hours and you casually cut through for your drink but also buy me my favorite blend and now I’m not so sure what to make of you

-I’m a perpetual frowner and most certainly not a morning person and I work part-time at a breakfast bar and your disheveled hair and content smile as you eat my waffles and scrambled eggs is the only thing that can get me to smile

-I write a bad pick up line on your cup every time I’m your barista

-You’re the customer and you get back at me for all the times I’ve spelt your name wrong by mispronouncing my name in icreasingly horrible ways

-You’re really short and cute and you buy a cup of black coffee every morning but you make weird faces as you sip and you never finish your drink, are you trying to look mature or something?

-Should I be concerned about how much caffeine you’re taking in?

Soulmate

-Last words are on your skin instead of their first words so you don’t know your soulmate until you lose them
-People age until they reach 18 and then they stop aging until they meet their soul mate
-The song you get stuck in your head is the one your soulmate is singing (Bonus: when they meet, the one annoys the other by singing their most hated song)
-You only see colour when your touching your soulmate
-Necklaces given to you at birth of half a unique shape and your soulmate gets the other half
-Little bruises and cuts show up on your soulmate
-Stripe of your soulmates hair colour on your wrist
-Vision is shaded to the eye colour of your soul mate and is that why until you meet them
-You have a tattoo that tells you what they’re most passionate about
-Tattoo saying how old you and your soulmate will be when you meet
-You can see every colour except the one that’s your soul mates eye colour
-Soulmates name on one wrist and enemies name on the other

 

Fun Fair/Carnival

-Hey Miss/Mister you paid but forgot to take your cotton candy so here it is
-Both our kids are on a merry-go-round and are starting to fight over a particular pony would you be so kind to tell your kid to fuck off, my kid got here first
-You’re scared of roller coasters and friends are all on different rides and you look so miserable, let me buy you coffee
-I’m so sorry I split my milkshake all over you, can I make it up to you
-Excuse me sir, you need a pair to go on the roller coaster, any singles here?
-I’m sorry sir, we’re closing up you can’t go on this merry-go-round, bit fuck it, we’re the only ones here

Miscellaneous

-I’m blind and wow your voice is absolutely beautiful can you just keep talking? Forever? Please?

-My younger sibling is besties with your sibling and even though we hate each other I guess we’ve got to start hanging out a little

-We are both at a grocery store at am and you offered to arm wrestle me for the last box of cereal, it’s on!

-You’re sleeping on my best friend’s couch while your house is being renovated and you have really weird habits like attempting to sing opera in the shower and you keep eating all my Nutigrain

-We bump into each other every Friday at the supermarket to buy the same ice-cream and maybe we should eat it together?

-Our parents are dating and thank god I’m not the only one pissed off about this

-I decide to take a shortcut home that involves crawling through a really tight hole in a fence and I end up getting stuck and you just happened to pass by and now you’re laughing at me

-I took a bunch of free condoms from health services just because I could and they all fell out of my bag at once and now you’re staring at me weirdly

-We are trapped in a bank during a robbery

-Your country is trying to take over mine and I might be a little attracted to you and stop this it’s really hard to retaliate okay?

-I was on my balcony and you started loudly quoting Romeo and Juliet at me

-I ditch prom to attend a local poetry slam and you’re also there and I never really noticed what a cute smile you have and hey do you maybe want to bond over our mutual love for ‘Howl’???

-You’re new in town and you seem very intimidating but as it turns out you have an awful sense of direction even with a map and you’re actually adorkable so here let me help you

-It’s Valentine’s Day and I’m single and you want to cheer me up but you can’t cook nor bake to save your life so you make me hot chocolate instead and it is delicious and I think I love you???

-The mailman constantly mixes up your home address and mine together and keeps on sending me your letters and packages and I’m sorry I look through them but your life seems very interesting as well as those books on black magic in one of your packages so wanna talk about it over a cup of coffee?

-You’re going through my sketchbook and giving questioning looks and I swear to God I’m just a deranged artist and not a serial killer

- There’s a scrawny black cat in our neighborhood that hates everyone and everything but follows you around for some reason and I see you pet it and feed it fish fries are you a witch

-I work part-time as a cashier at the local corner store and you come here regularly to shop and bond with me over the microwavable chicken bites so how about I take you out on a proper date instead?

“I’m the owner of a magic shop and you discover my magics one day when you walk in on my cat flying around inside the shop on a broom and now I have to take you in as my apprentice or turn you into a toad

-“You’re a tea-lover yet you come to the coffee shop where I work at just to see my foam art and you give me hefty tips regularly so I’ve taken it upon myself to master the art of tea-making just for you

-You work at a fast food restaurant and as you hand me my food you lecture me for ruining my health what is this hypocrisy

-I went to museum to get some inspiration and then I saw you staring at one of the paintings in awe and wow you just noticed me drawing you and this is awkward

-You have no idea what personal space is and it’s really distracting when your face is two inches away from mine, what if I turn my head and accidentally kiss you
-You don’t like snuggling or a lot of touching but when you’re asleep you’re a cuddle for better or for worse
- I was eating chocolate and you came over and started kissing me, and so I finally offered you some and you say it tastes better like this

_�{��-�

artdigy  asked:

God, when you want to make a character, YOU DO IT. Can you talk a little about your process? Where you got the idea for Mother of Pearl, your jasper ame fusion, etc? Whenever you make them, you go by theme and intense detail. Ily and your art so much

thank you so much!! im gonna describe my design/headcanon process under cut because its kinda a wall of text with some pics of older versions of maxima as an example. hope this inspires and helps you!

Keep reading

(Translation) Koibito vs. Nijigen vol. 1

恋人 vs. 二次元 第1巻「オタク彼女の場合」(R18!! Please proceed only if you’re above 18!)

CV. Murata Taishi


T/N: commissioned! one of my favorite CDs EVER, i love this cd ASDASDHDAF!! i swear every 5 seconds i end up laughing like a damn seal!! lmao like. every damn line is a grim nostalgic reminder of hisayuki and i. can’t. fucking. take it.

actually, you can see how much i enjoy translating this cd because. y’know. you can just see it. sorry. i’m guilty.

honestly when i heard of this cd i was 101% HYPE but ngl also hiding 0.2% of uncertainty because face it, it could be either comedy or, yan. i mean yeah, the cover doesn’t seem yan but i’m sure those who have been a loyal customer of the otome cd industry like ri and chi yes this is a callout post for both of u :♥ would advise, don’t judge a cd by its cover or synopsis… unless it’s kuroi yume

ok for reals before i make things worse, let’s jump ahead to the cd and enjoy this totally embarrassing piece of adorable cupcake made of 100% organic cutes and pures. srsly he’s so good @ milky chain pls make a sequel for this series…pls… i will sacrifice my firstborn and my left asscheek pls pls pls


Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Not sure if it has been done yet...but if it's not to much could you make a HC that Todo is about to get shot, and out of nowhere our fabulous Momo jumps into save him by splitting the bullet with a katana

This is actually really cute; I have soooo many angsty asks sitting in my inbox so I’m gonna write this one first HAHA

I’m actually gonna turn this to a short fic kinda thing…enjoy!!

~~~

To speak frankly, Todoroki accumulated immeasurable fighting experience within a short period; from the sports festival, to the final exam which he passed, to Stain, and then finally back to the license exam in which he failed. He had the villains to thank for their tactical raids somewhere in between (his judgement of time was not to be trusted), one after another. For a first year UA student whose father was deemed as the No.2 hero for the past decade, it was horribly intense.

But now he found himself having second thoughts on the power of the villain alliance. Stuck in between two concrete walls, Todoroki realized that his career as a hero will never get any easier.

He’s accepted it. Life is nothing without a challenge and he’ll greet them with open arms.

He was also lucky that today was the first time he had to deal with guns and bullets. Todoroki’s chest rose with each new potential strategy that sprung within his mind; he couldn’t settle on one. Ectoplasm wasn’t present. A false move could mean a life lost. And it could be his own.

The villain alliance now had 3 branches. The main branch with Shigaraki, one with Toga, Twice and the Yakuza, and a smaller unit that Todoroki was to investigate right now with Ectoplasm. This branch, nicknamed “Unit C” was tasked with petty crimes like robberies and money laundering, which according to Midoriya, most pro heroes wouldn’t take over because it was way below their paygrade.

Hence why they sent Todoroki, a normal but promising young hero under supervision.

It wasn’t until the mission began to head south when Unit C was suspected of committing human trafficking and drug dealing with quirk erasing drugs did they raise Todoroki’s mission difficulty to S class, last minute no less.

“Where are you, you little bastard,” a wicked voice rang to his right making his nerves twitch. Muffled footsteps sounded among Todoroki’s steady heaves, his arm outstretched, ice crystallizing at the perimetre of his palm. 

Not now. Watch first.

Todoroki suppressed the last ounce of his power, goosebumps raised. 3 minutes ago he still had his radio in hand, now with nothing in possession. Shattered and gone, he had no other means of calling for help. 

His brow knitted together in vexation. Slow blood, dripping along his thigh, its smell pungent and revolting, causing him to be slightly nauseous. 

Think, think.

He heard faint whispers; if he didn’t act, the sensor of the group will hunt him down within seconds.

A random thought emerged.

What would Yaoyorozu do?

Todoroki didn’t move a muscle, eyes cut towards the opening of the alleyway to once again run across shadows that were drifting closer. Their movements became frantic.

He needed to clear his head.

“Yo, I think…I sniff something over here…” 

That was undoubtedly the man with the canine ears and teeth; Todoroki gulped, mind wrestling to a conclusion.

Better to surprise them first, as Aizawa would’ve said, seize the upper hand and take the initiative away from them!

“Freeze!” Todoroki strided once, his right arm plunged in front view. The ice danced in glitters and mist as he desired.

“Shit! Scatter!” The leader of the group howled, gritting his teeth in agony, “Shoot him, Sharp, what are you waiting for?!” 

The man with slicked up, black hair, was petrified, his gun trembling in his stiffened fingers, procuring enough time for Todoroki’s surging flames to encompass at least half the group. 

He had to get out. Secure a position outside of this slim alley was the only way to survive. The situation had Todoroki compromised. Even a child with zero experience can shoot him dead point blank.

He was overwrought and outnumbered. Todoroki huffed and took a step out in the light, and he felt a knot in his throat. 

A laser was pointed straight at his chest.

The boy cursed. A draft of wind blew.  His eyes squeezed shut and someone pulled the trigger.

“Todoroki-san!” 

Yaoyorozu stood in front of him as if magic summoned her, marginally tilted forward, with a katana clutched tight right in the middle of her stance. Her gaze screamed bloody murder. Her muscles contracted with every quiver  of her knees.

She was almost like the first gasp of air after a dive. 

A stunning scene. Her raven hair like calligraphy in the wind. Her confidence radiating through every frequency of thought.

Todoroki knew she felt overwhelmed too, driven solely by her will to protect.

“Did she just split the damn bullet in two?! What the actual fuck?!” The thrash in the leader’s voice was a pure indicator of his shock, and if Todoroki wasn’t mistaken, a remnant of admiration could be found somewhere within that sentence. 

Oh yeah, come to think of it…

The fire and ice hero dropped his gaze, fixed upon two halves of what was a bullet. 

“We’ve got them under our guise!” Yaoyorozu exclaimed as if to notify her companion,  “ECTOPLASM-SENSEI, NOW!”

A swarm of Ectoplasms’ clones lunged in unison like an ocean’s wave, rendering the opponents nonplussed. Todoroki was just as dumbfounded as Sharp, whose jaw was gifted a punch by a clone after a beat. 

He felt chilling fingers encompass his own and a tug.

“Come on, Todoroki-san, Ectoplasm-sensei has it under control, this way!” 

Her tone fibrillated him to reality, eyes focused on what’s ahead.

“Yaoyorozu,” He began, satisfied that his hand was still in hers, “when did you learn to use a katana like that?”

He was limping and as the two reached a closed off park, their footsteps gradually ceased to a halt, proximity not withdrawing. He could almost see the moment her pupils recede.

“What’s more important is first aid.”

She eyed the crimson beneath her, numb.

“I forgot how much this hurt,” Todoroki’s lips tugged into a nervous smile, “guess I was too impressed by your skills, Yaoyorozu.”

“Now is not the time to joke around! Let me see that!” 

Upon her palm came gauze and scissors. The girl propped his leg above her bent knee, gesturing for him to lean back at the bench at his rear and ran her scissors through the dirt-ridden pant sleeve, cutting it to pieces. She bit her lower lip at the sight. The adrenaline must have kept him from screaming from the pain, she decided. Without a second thought Yaoyorozu winded the gauze around and around his leg, though it was quick to be drowned in red.

Todoroki hissed at the pain. 

“Thanks,” he mumbled and recoiled his leg.

Yaoyorozu sighed, crossing her arms above her chest, “You got lucky with this one, Todoroki-san. If Sensei and I came even a milisecond late, you would’ve been as good as dead!”

“I know, I owe you one,” He replied. Somehow with the two of them in solitude, he felt at ease. It certainly helped that Unit C was semi done with. 

“I think you owe me more than one!” Yaoyorozu slumped down, facing him and continued, “You’re enjoying yourself with your little jokes, aren’t you?”

Todoroki let out a relieved chuckle as he marveled at the clouds above them, cutting her short of her complaint, “I’ll buy you ice cream tomorrow, my gratitude for saving my life.”

The girl jerked her head somewhat, wondering if she perhaps caught the wrong words.

“Wh-what?”

“You heard me,” Todoroki could see her writhe in her seat in the corner of his eyes, and he stood up, pulling his weight towards his left, “ice cream. I always see you buying one from the cafeteria…lipids, your favourite.”

Yaoyorozu watched him, legs dragging a bit as he moved away from the bench, and once again doing the same hiss as before.

“Let’s go now. I’m sure I need stitches.”

“Ah…mmm.” 

Yaoyorozu pushed herself up, mentally chiding herself, and draped his arm around her shoulder, supporting his stature with her other arm on his waist. 

Todoroki hid the wry smile under the shadows of his duo-coloured bangs, shoulders falling. 

Through the scent of fresh autumn rain, he opted to slow down his pace.

He could definitely use this time, with her beside him, to recount the day. 

anonymous asked:

Soooo can I be nosy and ask what other head cannons you have for YOI?

HI THIS HAS BEEN IN MY DRAFTS FOREVER AND IM SO SO SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG been pretty busy and my blog’s pretty much just running on queue :(((( IN ANY CASE THO:

  • There are times when Yuuri & Victor get unnaturally competitive with each other outside of the rink. Sometimes it’s about who gets to check off the most items off of the grocery list. Or about who Makkachin comes running to first when Yuuri and Victor are both holding a box of dog treats. Mostly it’s who can make the other come faster tho lmao
  • The outgoing, giddy Victor we see in canon is only reserved for Yuuri and their closest friends (Yakov included). He’s friendly of course (a la “a commemorative photo? sure!”), but I’d like to think that people can’t help but be intimidated by him. He’s a god in figure skating after all
  • …so when people do get a glimpse of Living Legend Victor Nikiforov™ acting like a total dork around Yuuri everyone’s just shookd af
  • This is a common headcanon, but I love the idea of Yuuri being the one to cook for them. He’s learned a lot of recipes from both cooking for the Onsen, and living in Detroit.
  • Victor  used to live on take out before Yuuri so he can’t cook for shit
  • ……………………………………….but Yurio can
  • so sometimes Yurio comes over just so that he and Yuuri can bake n shit and he loves it but of course yuuri “cAN’T TELL A SOUL OR I WILL STAB YOU IN THE FACE now hand me the eggs”
  • Yurio actually goes to Victor and Yuuri for advice about Otabek, and the latter two actually tell him to wait a bit until he’s older because they are good & wise parents (albeit inappropriate everywhere else)
  • When they’re older and Yurio & Otabek fight, Yuuri helps Yurio bake an apology cake for Otabek with a thumbs down emoji written in frosting saying “I don’t want to fight anymore :(”
  • Victor is a morning person but on weekends, it’s Yuuri who gets up first, and gives his Victor (who’s dead to the world) a peck on the cheek. Yuuri cooks them breakfast. Victor snakes his arms around Yuuri’s waist while’s making pancakes
  • They have a flatscreen in their bedroom. Once, when Yuuri has an anxiety attack, he asks Victor to leave the tv on while they sleep, and they just happened to have a Friends blu ray jammed in the player. And it sorta just becomes a regular thing after that, that they have Friends playing in the background on mute as some sort of night light? neither of them everreally think of bringing it up and it kinda just became one of their unspoken agreements
  • Victor is ticklish af and Yuuri thinks its the most adorable thing in the world and will use it against him in any possible way he can
  • I’m a slut for Tragic Backstory Victor Nikiforov so he’s estranged from his parents (or they’ve passed :\) but I’d like to think that Victor has a protective older brother named Vlad who is straight as a pole but will fite anyone for Victor including the russian government
  • Victor and Yuuri give each other foot rubs. Like all the damned time and there’s always a bottle of massage oil lying somewhere around the house.
  • everyone in the russian skate squad has had a crush on Yuuri Katsuki at one point in their lives but they never tell Victor this because they want to Fucking L i v e
NCT 127 as Highshool Students

:)) this has been in my drafts for like 4 months lmao okay lets goooooo

Taeil

  • nervous but smart
  • a senior
  • just here to make good grades
  • seems like the “sensible friend”
  • looks like he doesn’t study and zones out in class
  • actually the salutatorian
  • is really chill (sometimes does weird shit but its okay bc his friends love him usually)
  • kinda anxious
  • is embarassed 24/7
  • looks like he might cry or laugh half the time
  • taeyong will fight everyone for him (tbh taeyong will fight anyone for his friends)
  • a choir kid but not That choir kid
  • you know what i’m talking about
  • is an underappreciated tenor
  • the soprano section is shaking
  • when doyoung makes the tenors sing warm ups he effortlessly goes the highest
  • sometimes does a little run down the scale softly if he feels up to it
  • everyone thinks he’s a freshman bc he always looks confused
  • roasts someone once every year
  • its the best thing and everyone is always on guard around him when it gets to that time of year
  • its usually during ap testing season

Johnny

  • clumsy but cute
  • hot and awkward
  • “hey girl how u doing- oh shit i’m going down, jaehyun, jaehyun i’m down pls help me :(“
  • is part of band and is a section leader for percussion probably
  • the percussion squad is Wildt and (occasionally) so is he
  • kinda hipster
  • kinda emo
  • kinda cool
  • makes it work
  • regrets his life just a little
  • knows a lot of “useless facts”
  • u think they’re useless until it saves ur life at 3 am on a tuesday night and ur running away from the police
  • if u need him to keep a secret he got u
  • will never expose u (lmao yeah he will)
  • jaehyun is his Bro for life
  • smart and kinda knows what he’s doing (not really)
  • was homeschooled for a hot minute until grade nine
  • was already popular bc he used to hang out with the graduates formerly known as exo
  • that person who when they ask for a favor it could be borrowing a pencil or need help committing murder there is no medium

Taeyong

  • Stressed High School Student™
  • “GPA”
  • “SATs”
  • “g r a d u a t i o n”
  • a senior and Stresst
  • valedictorian, probably has multiple scholarships, still worries about tuition
  • “if i get hit by a rich person’s car, do u think i can sue them into paying my tuition?”
  • “…taeyong u have full scholarships to both Stanford and Oxford dude wtf”
  • “yeah sure but consider it okay”
  • has an existential crisis every time someone mentions college
  • so disorganized
  • still somehow gets his shit together?? and good grades??
  • finds solace in the fine arts
  • quit theater senior year bc it was Too Much
  • knows and is into unusual shit
  • is actually really nice to the freshman
  • him @ freshman: don’t date the seniors, children, bc they’re fuckin snakes
  • a big softie that worries about others more than himself
  • helps everyone with their hw (while putting off a 10-page paper which is probably due the next day)
  • probably voted prom king
  • in junior year he took five ap classes and took an SAT the day after the ap physics test
  • is a Legend
  • everyone thinks he’s hot but he says he doesn’t date every time someone asks him
  • “i don’t have time for dating when collegeboard is already up my ass half the time”

Yuta

  • a lil snarky, a lil sweet
  • and the tinniest bit salty
  • a soft boi
  • doesn’t wanna be a soft boi
  • wants to fight everyone
  • but also knows he’ll get his ass kicked
  • takes good care of his friends
  • his giggles melt hearts
  • his smile makes people run into walls
  • can u tell i’m yuta biased
  • basically hot and he kinda knows it
  • when its prom season he gets hella promposals
  • both he and jaehyun are tied for most promposals given in their years
  • he just goes with winwin
  • lowkey kinky
  • sometimes it slips out
  • loves winwin very much
  • is in choir, but rarely gets solos
  • isn’t bitter about it (is a little bitter)
  • likes complimenting and roasting people in the same sentence
  • will smile in ur face and call u ugly
  • exposes u for ur bullshit
  • but still loves u
  • knows all the Tea bc of winwin
  • in theater only for the drama (the lipton tea kind)
  • lowkey a ride-or-die friend

Doyoung

  • is That choir student™
  • choir student director usually goes to senior
  • but u see
  • ya boy is one talented mf
  • he’s chill (not really) until he steps behind that music stand
  • will tell you ur offbeat and singing off key every five minutes
  • “choir is life”
  • makes the tenors sing high af
  • “doyoung i can’t reach that note”
  • “dOyouNG i CaN’t rEAcH tHaT nOTe”
  • dabs softly to the musical accompaniment
  • a diligent student
  • that super organized student that always has everything
  • including and not limited to: band-aids, stapler, calculator, pencils, pens, ibuprofen for those in pain, literally anything u need ya boy got
  • will come for u and ur edges
  • is soft for his friends (especially the underclassmen) and throws figurative hands with everyone else
  • feigns politeness when u first meet him
  • flips the switch when he gets comfortable
  • will talk shit about u
  • but in a helpful way
  • he and jaehyun throw verbal hands on the daily
  • will kick ur ass if u say anything bad about jaehyun tho
  • everyone calls him when they feel like procrastinating (taeyong. taeyong does.) bc he will set them straight
  • when he smiles everyone falls for him
  • basically a huge cutie with a cute smile that has a slight choir obsession and the occasional roast

Jaehyun

  • hot but dorky af™
  • also embarrassed half the time
  • can be really smooth?? on accident tho
  • is in choir
  • is cute
  • Best Friends™ with Johnny
  • together they are jj project
  • sorry wrong group
  • looks like he’s doing okay but is Panicking
  • is a Nerd and proud
  • on the basketball team
  • can go Zoom Zoom Fast and Swosh
  • idk what that means bear with me bruh is 2 am
  • wants to play other sports but then remembers he does not have Time for that
  • had a bowl cut in the middle school and was the cutest thing
  • got a haircut in freshman year and puberty hit
  • now hot
  • no one knows how it happened
  • can u tell i love jaehyun sjfjffjklkfk
  • anyways he cute af
  • is honestly just here for the ride
  • almost throws hands with doyoung on the daily in choir
  • but will come for u and everything u love if u even look at doyoung the wrong way
  • won homecoming king both freshman and sophomore year
  • gets a lot of promposals
  • turns down everyone and goes with johnny bc they’re bros for life (duh)
  • will hype u tf up, especially johnny, even if u are failing and doing badly rip
  • “ur doing amazing sweetie”

Winwin

  • confused™
  • quiet but knows all the tea
  • like a sponge, he soaks up all the gossip
  • can destroy lives with all the shit he knows
  • shares his secrets with yuta
  • people are a lil afraid of him bc he stay quiet but he stay woke and knows shit like no one has ever crossed him ever since the Incident
  • some irrelevant person made fun of winwin’s korean so he exposed tf out of them in powerpoint form the next day everyone in the district heard about it
  • deadass u think he’s chill until someone insults a friend of his and he will throw the fastest hands, usain bolt tf outta u
  • he’s like a ghost like u don’t see it coming but two seconds later u on the floor in pain
  • everyone dotes on him
  • is one flexible mf
  • taeyong almost cried once bc he saw winwin doing a split and the poor boy really thought this youngin broke his dick rip
  • is a cheerleader and a gumanst gymnast
  • despite all this ya boy is shy
  • yuta swooped in on this child freshman year and has protected him ever since
  • really smart but people think he’s dumb and/or doesn’t study bc he’ll stare off into space sometimes
  • jokes on them bc when it’s time for tests ya boy comes thru
  • literally everyone (yuta and taeyong and that one guy from the neighboring school named kun) is in love with him (no but really everyone)
  • is in choir but no one knows bc u never hear him

Mark

  • that one kid that is in every club/art/fine art
  • probably in band (plays the trumpet and soon to be section leader in junior year)
  • always Tired™
  • is popular, but doesn’t know how
  • very chill and quiet when u first meet him and then gets clingy when he’s comfortable
  • is in ap music theory and music composition
  • takes mostly ap classes
  • is that person that didn’t take the ap class but took the ap test and somehow got a 5
  • is that guy with a 4.6 gpa
  • an overachiever, not by choice, he just can’t help it
  • says he can handle it
  • cannot handle it
  • on his way to being Taeyong 2.0
  • gets roasted occasionally but doesn’t mind (usually)
  • if anyone other than people in the Squad are mean to him literally everyone will come up and square up so damn fast no matter where they are
  • plays a lot of sports
  • is the impossible myth of Social Life, Good Grades, and (Mostly) Good Health
  • is that Chill Jock™ that in the fine arts
  • doesn’t play football bc “that’s band season, duh”

Haechan

  • Dramatic Theater Kid™
  • cannot wait to roast someone (mark) and their monologue
  • on the soccer team and is Great
  • will kick u in the shins if u piss him off and ur will feel it thru ur shin guards don’t mess with him
  • is popular with people bc Visuals and Talent and cute personality duh
  • someone once tried to pull a “do u like messi?? <3” on him and he roasted them and then lectured them on why Ronaldo is better
  • sings really well and Student Director Doyoung loves him
  • is basically doyoung’s child
  • is hard to date bc then u get doyoung as ur in-law
  • someone: hey donghyuck-
  • doyoung: he is f i v e bitch fuck off
  • he might just be Doyoung 2.0
  • tries his best to study hard
  • is actually really soft and sweet once u get to know him
  • works hella hard like ya boy don’t get the lead in every musical for nothing
  • makes sure to get mark honey-lemon water before singing the national anthem bc he has to that after marching band (bc they’re both in varsity choir ofc)
  • packs mark tons of water bottles so he doesn’t die while doing 50 different things during a football/sports/anything tbh
  • will still roast mark for missing a note during the national anthem tho
  • has great fashion sense
  • knows some of the tea and winwin is lowkey teaching him his ways
  • p e t t y

Bonus:

  • haechan, yuta, doyoung, winwin, and jaehyun know this song and dance by heart if u start up that beat they already in formation

~~~

uh so like…i hope u enjoyed?? anyways thanks for reading!

heres that good hinatema content:

hinata and temari meet on tumblr bc they both run martial arts and fighting blogs. they message back n forth abt things related to fighting and their respective styles (krav maga for hinata and mixed martial arts n kickboxing for temari) and then eventually just turns into talk about tv and music and their weird friends and family. and temari thinks hinata is funny and cute and fun! hinata comes off as a lot more social online and whenever temari tells hinata that shes super fun hinata like “im a lot more quiet and lame irl 😷😷” and temaris like “lmao sounds fake ur lit so fucking fun” and it makes hinata feel good to have this online persona thats more confident.

and when temari sends her a selfie for the first time (tongue out peace sign taken in an upshot so her cleavage shows but its not super obvious that thats the point) hinata breath stalls and shes like “holy fucking shit” so she….. kinda….. replies with a picture that isnt her bdjrjejf

shes very anxious and self conscious and she wants to live up to these expectations so she just finds a selfie of a girl she went to high school with and sends that and temari flips shit and tells her shes sooooo pretty and cute and it makes hinata feel good. she feels guilty though because she doesnt want to lie but also its not like temaris ever going to find out any time soon! (at least thats what kiba tells her when she told him. he laughed a lot and told her that her plan was dumb and that she shouldve just sent a real pic w her tits out bc anyone w common sense would ve distracted by that rack and hinata hits him but also says thank u)

and its fine! until three months later (and two more selfies courtesy of the girl she had senior math w three years ago) temari tells her that shes driving through her area to visit her brother that goes to school an hour outside her town. and. like. ya know. if u wanna meet up itd be cool! but nooo pressure

and hinata comes clean. abt the catfishing abt pretending to be funny abt not having a belly button piercing (she doesnt even know why she lied about that) and about how despite all of that she really *really* likes temari and wants to hang out and shes sooooo sorry about being a huge fake but temaris just soooooooo cool she felt like she had to compete

and temaris like. “hinata u cant pretend to be funny and interesting you just ARE. u dnt have to act a different way to compete theres no competition were just, ya know, buds!” and hinatas so relieved she fucking bawls and temari makes fun of her and is like “okay wipe those tears bc ill visit u on one (1) condition: i need a REAL selfie”

so hinata sends one: eyes kinda puffy and with a small smile and a peace sign just like temari made.

and temari fucking chokes. like oh my god. oh my GOD.

“HINATA WHAT IS THIS????? HINATA WHY WOULD U CATFISH ME WHEN U LOOK LIKE A FUCKING MODEL????? HINATA ARE U TRYING TO MURDER ME?” (her first draft said “murder my pussy” for the record) and hinatas confused and doesnt really Get It so temari elaborates “i mean of course the random girl u used to catfish me w was kinda cute but tbh i kinda just overhyped her like hinata oh my god u r so fucking GORGEOUS”

OKAY so i know i should be writing the next part of the hogwarts au but this wouldn’t get out of my head so…here we go, more aus! because why not! and also because i’m not so great at writing in-canon, and also pretty average at aus (which is why i’m writing the most simple of aus ever) i will leave that to the more talented spideychelle authors. 

so here we go - an older!spideychelle au, wherein michelle jones is a bestselling author, peter parker is a perpetually late stark industries employee and they are at a coffee shop, whose name i stole from one of my university’s coffee shops.


The thing is, Michelle Jones doesn’t believe in cliches. She also doesn’t subscribe to the notion that everything happens for a reason because, okay, everything is chaos.

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Written for pynchweek Day 5: Northern Lights // Dreamscape // Stars

Adam wakes up to someone pressing their lips to his forehead, so gentle and caring that makes his heart stutter a bit, still not used to be treated as someone worthy of such precious gestures. Those same lips brush against his cheek, then decide to move to his nose, his jaw, and below his ear. Adam leans into the touch, letting the warmth of it soak him with the fondness it radiates. 

His eyes flicker open, and he finds Ronan sitting at the edge of the bed. The light coming through the window hits him in a way that makes him look like a dream. 

“Why are you up?” Adam mumbles as he closes his eyes again, curling on himself. 

“I have something to show you.”

“Now?”

“Now.”

Adam groans and rolls to have his back facing Ronan, burying his face into the pillow.

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I Know - Mark x Zoey (PG13)

Oh, hey, it’s a belated Halloween fic that I found in my drafts. Just a little Mark x Zoey fluff! 

Originally posted by severalwoolensocks

“Zoey! We should get going!” 

Mark adjusts his vest and grins down at his outfit. Han Solo, one of his all-time favorite characters. He loves Halloween and he’d be excited about this particular costume any year, but this year? This year, Zoey promised to be Princess Leia and he can hardly contain his excitement. 

Standing in front of the mirror on the back of the bedroom door, Mark pulls his blaster out of his holster and strikes a pose. 

“Ooooh, very intimidating, Captain Solo,” Zoey grins at him from the bathroom doorway and Mark jumps, fumbling to put the toy gun back, as a blush creeps up his cheeks.  

“Yeah, I was just…” his words trail off as he turns to look at her and his jaw drops open. What the….

“What are you looking at, ya scruffy-looking nerf herder?” Zoey teases as she walks past him into the living room. He follows her slowly and stops to stare at her as she gathers her purse and heads for the door. 

Zoey is dressed in white from head to toe, white leggings, a long-sleeve white shirt, a puffy white vest, and a pair of boots. Her hair is braided in crown on the top of her head. 

“Zoey…I…”

“What? You don’t like it?” she glances down at her costume and back up at him questioningly. 

No, I do! I love it! I just I thought…” Mark trails off and thinks to himself, I thought you’d be Jabba’s Palace Leia, not Hoth Leia. 

“What?” Zoey tilts her head at him and shakes her head. “You thought I’d dress in bikini in October in San Francisco?” 

Apparently his girlfriend is a mindreader. Mark shrugs and gives her a chagrined look.  

“It’s only going to be 40 degrees tonight, Mark. No bikinis. I love you, but I’m not going to catch my death just because…”

“You look incredible, Zo,” Mark interrupts her and brushes a kiss on her cheeks. “Princess Leia is kickass and so are you. Your costume is perfect.” 

“Thank you very much. That’s quite the nice thing coming from a scoundrel,” she bites her tongue and smirks at him. 

Mark grins back at her and quotes, “You like me because I’m a scoundrel. There aren’t enough scoundrels in your life.”

“I happen to like nice men,” Zoey quotes back at him.  

“I’m nice men,” he leans in close to her and Zoey’s smile softens sweetly.

“Yeah, you are. That’s why I love you.” 

“Hey, that’s not the quote.”

“But it is the truth,” she kisses his lips and Mark pulls her close, kissing her until the buzzing of her phone interrupts them. 

“That’s the Uber! We’ve got a party to get to.”

———————–

They’re about halfway to the party, sitting in the backseat of their Uber, when Zoey casually mentions she has a Halloween treat for him. 

“A treat for lil ol’ me?” 

“Yes, but there’s a trick to it,” her eyes sparkle playfully. “You can’t have it until we get home from the party.” 

“Ooookaay,” he draws out, narrowing his eyes as she pulls out her phone. She hands it to him and Mark lets out a strangled whimper at the image on the screen. 

Zoey stands in front the mirror in her bedroom, vamping for the camera, hand on her hip, and she’s wearing an absolutely perfect Princess Leia metal bikini. Her gorgeous body is on full display in the outfit, one long leg cocked out from under the flowing panel of fabric and bare from her foot all the up to her hip. 

Holy shit-holy shit-holy shit. 

“You’re telling me this now?” Mark chokes out, eyes glued to the screen. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Zoey devilishly grinning at him. 

“Oh god. You just love torturing me, don’t you?” 

“A little bit.” 

Mark turns and catches Zoey off guard, pulling her into a hard, hungry kiss. She responds quickly shift closer to him and grasping the back of his head to kiss him back. 

“Do you really think Horatio would notice if we don’t show up?” he asks, leaning down to bite  at her neck. 

“Probably,” she murmurs. “I wish we had more time.” 

“Sorry sweetheart, I haven’t got time for anything else,” Mark quips and Zoey rolls her eyes at him. 

“Is tonight just going to be a long string of Han Solo quotes?” 

“It’s highly likely.” 

AFTER THE PARTY

“Wow…I mean…wow,” Zoey collapses beside Mark, panting hard with a dazed look on her face. He chuckles and brushes the hair out of her face. 

“I take it that you enjoyed that little foray into roleplaying?” he asks before leaning down to kiss her bare shoulder. He still can’t believe she did that for him. He knows it’s a ridiculous fantasy, but she took the time to make it come true for him and honestly, it was better than he’d ever imaged just because it was Zoey. 

“Got any other fantasies you want to live out?” she asks as she shifts closer to him, tossing one leg over hip and snuggling against his chest. 

Mark looks down at Zoey, cradled in his arms. His life is impossibly better since they’ve been together and so he just shakes his head. “No more fantasies. I’m pretty happy with the one I’m living out right one right now.” 

“Hmm,” she murmurs sleepily, “what does that mean?” 

“Here in bed with you, holding you, knowing that you love me. That was my biggest fantasy for a really long time and you already made that come true.” 

“Mark…” Zoey sighs and tilts her head back. “I love you.”

“I know.” 

Donkeys and Mules

I remember being in high school when the subject of mules was brought up, and I was shocked by my classmates’ shock that donkeys and mules were not the same thing. My school was relatively rural, but no one knew that mules were a hybrid creation of horses and donkeys. So let me say it here:

Mules are hybrid animals.

They are not a breed or an animal you would typically find in the wild. Mules are the result of crossing a female horse with a male donkey. The offspring of a female donkey and a male horse is called a hinny, but they are relatively rare.

Maybe female donkeys are too smart for stallions. It wouldn’t shock me. But the vast majority of donkey/horse hybrids are the result of a male donkey and a female horse, aka a mule.

Donkeys

There are three typical kinds of donkeys in the US: the mini donkey, the standard donkey, and the Mammoth Jack. There is also a rare breed of donkey in France called the Poitou donkey. They are comparable in size to the Mammoth Jack, but they are recognizable because of their “dreadlocks”. They kinda resemble Puli dogs.

For size comparison, this is a mini donk.

A standard, which is most common across the world.

and a Mammoth (next to a mini)

A female donkey is called a Jenny. A male donkey is called a Jack. And <insert jack ass joke here>. Most donkeys come in the typical “dun” coloring, be it brown or gray over their body with white shading on their legs and under their belly/head. However, some donks are spotted.

Mules

Mules come in a variety of shapes and sizes, usually dependent upon their mother’s coloring and size. Draft mares are used to get draft mules. Mini mares and mini donkeys are used to get mini mules. There are all kinds of colors of mules, and there are gaited mules as well. Here are a variety of mule types possible.

Standard Mule

Draft Mule

A “Mawari” mule (its dam would be a Mawari horse, known for their pointy ears)

Appaloosa mule

Why a Mule?
Donkeys are much more intelligent than horses, which is why they have a reputation of being stubborn. They’re far less likely to be spooky, and they tend to look at things before they freak out and bolt in the opposite directions. They are much more curious and many claim they’re friendlier and calmer than horses. However, donkeys aren’t the greatest animals to ride, and they tend to be small, so people who want the calm nature of the donkey along with the physical agility of a horse might want a mule. Mules and donkeys excel at climbing, being sure-footed with smaller, harder hooves that can more easily cross rough terrain. This is why mules are used at the Grand Canyon, as opposed to horses.

How to tell the difference between a donkey and a mule?

Sometimes it can be difficult to tell, especially if the mule takes after her dad and looks a lot like a donkey. But mules tend to more closely resemble horses. Donkeys have huge heads, short necks, and tiny butts, where as mules tend to have more substantial butts, longer necks, and smaller heads. They also are less hairy.

There’s no sure way to tell, but all mules are sterile. There have been very rare instances of female mules having babies, but it’s safe to assume mules cannot produce offspring. The johns (male mules) still need to be gelded, as uncut mules still act like stallions, even if they’re shooting blanks. Female mules are called mollies.

You’ll find that many trail-riding mules cost more than their equine counterparts. People who do a lot of trail riding or farm work go crazy for mules. They can be exceptional in what they do. Donkeys and mules also make much better guard animals than horses, as they are less scared of predators. A donkey will “sound the alarm” when they see a wolf/coyote, which sounds like this:

Donkeys also make this noise to each other, or if they’re excited.

Here is a mule beating the shit out of a snake.

ZONKEYS!

Zonkeys are a thing, which is a cross between a donkey and a zebra. I’m not sure the advantages this would have outside of having a cool animal to brag about. But they’re cute!