this was honestly the part where i cried the most

10

Part of me is like bring this bitch back because she’ll be going next week, I don’t fucking care. Regardless of what happened today, this week, whatever… I’m going to win. 

mike ross thoughts

everyone’s like “how could Mike be so dumb” to trust frank so fast and tell him everything and use the phone etc (and i thought the same thing too, like come on, mike, this is prison, be more suspicious) but we know mike has always been pretty naive and too trusting since the start. and then i thought about how at the end of the premiere he said to frank, “why would you do that to me?” Well, in season fun (one) when he was scared of being caught mike asked harvey the same thing, “why would you do this to me?” I’m also pretty sure he said something like this to trevor, or maybe even louis at some point when he screwed him over or tricked him? when i think back through the seasons, mike has always had this really surprised reaction whenever someone hurts him. yet he also has never seemed to think much of himself (aside from knowing he’s smart but not street smart which is just fact.) so this brings me to, basically, mike is so far removed from the idea of intentionally hurting people that he almost can’t even understand why anyone would hurt him. not because he thinks he’s great, but because he just genuinely never considers any reason for it….i don’t think being aggressive or angry is even a thought to him, unless he’s super provoked, like in the promos, or with trevor which was self defense. mike has been physically hurt a lot on suits, like a lot, by pretty much everyone he cares or cared about (if u want a quick list- trevor punched/kicked him, jenny slapped him, rachel slapped him twice, tess’s husband punched and kicked him, louis tried to choke him out….and now he gets beat up in prison. i’,m also probably forgetting some) it’s almost like harvey’s the only one who hasn’t hit him, interesting And each time he either reacted in self defense or he didn’t react at all (on 2nd thought he might’ve started the fight w/trevor? but trevor was bein a dick and saying shitty things to mike and that’s even me talking as a big trevor fan because i love trevor) ANYWAY, the point is, mike’s always been totally confused whenever someone hurts him, even if the same person hurts him over and over again. it’s weird though because he’s had such a shitty hand dealt in life that you’d think he’d be super cynical and super suspicious of everyone, but he’s not. for his sake, in prison, i wish he was. but ultimately, no, i don’t want awful people to make him awful. someone made a gifset of mike a while ago w/ a quote that said something about “nothing’s quite as beautiful as someone who’s survived losing everything but still has a tender heart’ and if that ain’t mike idk what is. does this make sense? because i’ve been analyzing this all in my head for days and while there’s some things that seem to contradict why he’d be so naive but for the most part his track record shows that he just instinctively either sees the good in people or tries to, even if he shouldn’t. which is why harvey’s been trying to teach him to read people for like 1000 years. 

also, slightly unrelated but, mike being in prison brings out all the orphan feelings (imagine his parents being alive and knowing he’s in prison, imagine his parents meeting harvey/etc)….when rachel said “he has no immediate family” my heart fucking BROKE. he does have family in a sense, but no blood relatives at all. I mean, if he’d gotten caught before he stumbled into The Interview & gone to prison, he never would’ve met harvey or rachel and literally there would be no one to visit him. i just get so sad thinking about his parents being dead and i really wish the show would focus more on that sometimes. we clearly saw during the rinaldi episode that he has definitely not dealt with it much at all (nor did he seem to have dealt with it by the time he was talking to the priest either.) i feel like he completely buries the pain for the most part. i know he’s cried about it but in general he seems to not really talk about it and i don’t know why the writers haven’t done more with this…. and yeah we got the flashback ep which was good but i want more. i want to meet mike’s parents. that’s the kind of flashback i want. 

honestly i have no idea where this post was headed, i just am really tired and i really love mike and i’m concerned for his wellbeing, as always. 

oh yeah, and the “narcissistic tendencies’ thing was such bullshit, sorry, bye. 

Thank You Thomas Sanders

I honestly cried during the most recent video. That man and his friends put so much effort in these videos and he was really brave to reveal that part of himself. That ending hit really close to home and I’m so proud and happy that he was able to express himself. @thatsthat24 is truly an incredible person and this video was truly something I needed. Almost a year ago I broke off a relationship that was unhealthy for me where my partner stopped talking to me and showed no attention or affection, no matter how many time I tried to talk things through with them nothing seemed to work and after months of trying I did something for myself. So many other things happened during that time and after two years of a relationship ended with me feeling like they must have hated me I wanted to move on and forget the memories. We are good friends to this day and I am thankful for that, the ending of our relationship helped strengthen our friendship and it was clear that neither of us were happy. This past week would have been our three year and had been hitting me hard as some feelings of grief and longing resurfaced. Seeing this video touched me in a way none of his other videos had, the way he spoke was advice that really helped me. You don’t need to move on right away, just move forward.

In other words, thank you Thomas, you’ve done so much

rinharu fic rec masterlist aka pls rescue me from hell

So before season 2 started I basically reread every single rinharu fic I had bookmarked on ao3 and I wanted to organize them a little better! Also, thezhenger is currently going through a rough breakup(?) with her current otp so I’m trying to seduce her to join me in rinharu hell. So here they are, 32 of my absolute favorite rinharu fics. Note that these are just my very faves…there’s probably another 30 that I really like. These are just the ones that I’ve reread again n again n again. Karen, that’s a shitload of fic, you might say. Well *clears throat* I have been reading rinharu fic for almost…a year now…yep. A whole ding dang year. No shame. Karen, are you sure they’re all good? HELL YEA I AM.  I have great taste. If you don’t trust me, good thing for you I wrote up recs for each one!!  Starred fics are super extremely recommended.

Keep reading

May 22nd, Hedwig and the Angry Inch

Okay hiya friends! Someone asked me to write about meeting Darren (and the story behind the picture that everyone seems to have seen) because the video wasn’t exactly clear and all that jazz so here it is. This is just the first night, the second night was a little less eventful.

It started off that I was 2nd row seeing Hedwig, I can’t believe that was real honestly, I cried when I walked in the theatre, I cry a lot about things related to Darren as you probably know. So row 2, right in the middle, was fucking bomb.

And then the show started and he was insanely incredible. He was Hedwig, I honestly forgot it was him most of the time. He looked at me so much and my mum lmfao…I think bc I was mouthing all the words to all the songs and I had a smile plastered on my face the whole show…except for the sad parts ofc. There’s this part where he drinks water from a can, and he literally just looked me straight in the eyes and spat it out all over me. And he’s like “oh that’s not a rock ‘n roll gesture” then drinks more and looked me right in the eyes and spat it out all over himself. Then he also threw the Love Theme from The Hurt Locker sheet music at me, and the shroud of Hedwig which was wet from his sweat…Also lots of sexual eye contact which he talked to me about later when we met which you can watch here

AND NOW THE INTERESTING FUN COOL PART!!!!!!!!!!!

So after the show, he comes out at 11pm, like he does almost every night. I wasn’t ready, and I really didn’t want to cry but he means so much to me when I saw him I couldn’t stop. He came to me and was like “Hey what’s goin’ on?” AAAAAANNDDDD I was just crying, and he was like doing this thing which is hard to explain it’s easier to watch . I look so gross I’m so sorry…. So then I said “You mean a lot” and he was like (giggling) “Oh stahp it” and he fucking hugged me./?>/./.???!?? And whilst he was hugging me I said “You’re real” which you can’t hear in the video bc at this point everyone was going “awwwwwwwwww”. Then he pulled back and had his hands either side of my face and said “Remember that time I threw a towel at you?” And in the seconds before he said that he wiped the tears from my face whICH WAS VERY SWEET HE’S SO UNREAL. Then I was like “Yeaah and lots of sexual eye contact” and more detail to that is in the video. The selfie wasn’t really a selfie, although I’m pretty sure Darren knew what he was doing when he leaned in, but he said “that’s on record” for everything he said. Then I said “I love you so much” and the video stopped bC I RAN OUT OF STORAGE but he said “you too darlin’” and that was that. A really amazing night im sorry I sound and look and acted like a 12 year fangirl I don’t cope well around people I care so much about. K cool, message me if you have questions. Catch ya on the flip.