this was heartbreaking

It makes my skin crawl when I think of every time you’ve had the stomach to lie to me, to smile in between my lips and laugh in my ear when you’ve done the same to someone else. I feel my heart sink to the floor, I hear it rip every organ on the way down. How many times have I told you to tell me exactly what happened? Whose hands went where? Who sent who pictures? Who touched who first? The wave of pain that I still feel simmers for weeks, months even; and only when it finally feels like my world is in place, the slightest tremor, the slightest shake, dismantles the whole thing. It dismantles me.

It started off with confusion and then I slowly started to put it together. I took it in piece by piece knowing that I’d burst with resentment eventually. I looked at you with a smirk on my face because I was too hell-bent on retaining my pride but my eyes were too wet to see through.
And then came the rage.
And then came the sadness.
And then came knowing that this might be the last time we would ever be this way. Suddenly I wanted to feel every part of you again just once more; partly to show you what you would lose and what you traded our years for, and partly to have something to hold on to when ‘we’ become nothing more than a fleeting thought.
You know, maybe you are my karma. But I promise to be yours, too.
—  Karma // n.b.

“Let me tell you a secret,” Her smile was a little vicious, the kind of smile that simultaneously scares and enchants you.

“Not everyone in this world deserves to know you, they do not deserve to know your secrets, to see your struggle, they don’t deserve to stand by your side.” Her lips puckered as she took a deep breath, the wisp of smoke leavening her mouth from the pipe enthralled him further.

“So if he leaves, then he wasn’t meant to know you in the first place, and whatever he did see, was too good for him to begin with.”

—  Excerpt from a book I’ll never write
I was ready to open my arms for you. I was ready to make room for your lips on my skin. I was ready to be your home. You, on the other hand, never truly seemed ready for anything. I could never tell where your mind was or where it wanted to be, but now it’s clear to see that you’re moving on from whatever we had. Now I just have to wait for the end, even though we never really began.
—  Maxwell Diawuoh, Request: I was falling in love but you were confusing, I didn’t know if you even liked me. But you have to move on and I am stuck here waiting for everything to finally be over.

I think the biggest problem is, that we’re always in love with the idea of love. And the
idea of love is everything we want it to be.
Everything but real.

Because no matter how much we try to deny it, love is truly love - and nothing more, nor less - when it hurts your heart, your soul and shakes you a little.

—  // F.F. - About love
i’ve made a promise to myself; from now on, i will only let my tears fall in the shower, so that they will mix in with the water running from the shower head. but now the shower is flooded, and i haven’t even turned on the water.

I’m not a masochist but I’ve broken my own heart once or twice. You see I knew it would happen the instant I fell in love with you, but I couldn’t help it so I let it happen. And now that I’m stuck here suffering the bittersweet consequences I still don’t regret a single second of it. I can’t and won’t deny that… falling for you was the best thing that has ever happened to me.

And I will continue to adore you until all the love I withhold perishes… not because I would have fallen ‘out of love’, but because I would have given it all to you.

—  MD
maybe it’s your beautiful eyes, that carries all of your emotions and i love the way they tell me the truth, yet when i saw them stuck staring at her, it felt terrible.
maybe it’s your beautiful lips, that has the most genuine smile i’ve ever seen and i love the way they move when you’re talking, yet it hurts when i got to talk to you about everything in the world except me.
maybe it’s your beautiful voice, that’s very sweet and calm and i love the way they comfort my ears, yet it breaks me a little when you say her name.
maybe it’s your beautiful hand, that’s holding my heart and soul and i just love the way it carries my world, but why are you still reaching for her?
maybe it’s every little thing about you, but are they really beautiful? i don’t think they are.
—  ‘cos they weren’t meant for me, are they? m.a