this was excruciating

its weird to think that two years ago i was convinced beyond doubt that id spend my entire life in love with this girl who didnt give a fuck about me. like it was absolutely inconceivable that id ever experience a life in which she was not the most important person in my life and my top priority. i could not imagine not being in excruciating emotional pain at all times for the rest of forever due to the fact that i was so in love with her and she never reciprocated

now we havent spoken in a year and im head over heels in love with someone who is infinitely better, for me and in general. im a year and a half into a healthier and stronger relationship than i ever thought possible for me. on one hand it terrifies me how much things can change and how the things im so certain about can turn out to be not true but on the other hand its very cool to see how completely ive moved on and how ive filled my life with fulfilling and mutually reciprocated love

cyberstarfox  asked:

Need me some headcanons of Jervis and Ed teasing/helping Jonathan with his crush, if ya can ;>

Sure! I can muster up some headcanons for you, love! Also! I should have about three fics out by the weekend, so keep your eyes peeled! But don’t actually peel your eyes that would be excruciating and no one likes to hurt, haha. Anyways! Fröhliche Lesen, mein freunde!)


-The reason they even started to pick on him is a small note that had fallen from Jon’s coat pocket

-it was a love letter™

-Ed laughed way harder than he should have when reading it, then, in perfect Riddler fashion, set out to find the mystery person who dared like his acquaintance!

-He roped Jervis in with him, and for a day or two they stalked him. They weren’t really that good though.

-“What are you two doing up there?”

-“Checking the ceiling for flies!”

-Jonathan knows better though, and because he “doesn’t care” he let’s them do what they’re doing.

-Finally, Jonathan snapped, he needs his privacy sometimes just like everyone else and a certain Ed boy seems to think that he can’t feel his presence while he’s turned around.

-“You’ve got five seconds to explain why you’re here this late. Four are already gone. ”

-Ed finally caved in and explained.

-Jonathan may or may not have gassed him for reading his note.

-Jervis got away unharmed, though he probably got some kind of karma.

-One day, Jonathan brought you to their gathering place and introduced you formally as a friend.

-Ed didn’t buy it but at least he has a face to a name now and can taunt the both of you.

-Ed is totally that weird shipping trash family member who tries to get a relationship going. Yet he’s sometimes right about it.

  • Rachel Duncan Level Feminism™: stabbing out your own biomechanical eye with a shattered martini glass stem to spite the patriarchy

I recently saw a pain scale with the caption “if you can still talk, your not at a nine” and it really really bothered me. One of my doctors (who works extensively with teenagers with CRPS) said that one common theme he sees in his patients is a complete lack of reaction to pain. He told me that when he performs procedures and tests that are objectively extremely painful, often the teenagers will be smiling and cracking jokes, even though he knows that they are in excruciating pain. At nine I can carry on a conversation (not very well, because at this point things start to get really cloudy for me, but still a conversation). During my nerve conduction study (If you’ve ever had one you know how awful it is, and if you haven’t, it involves a six inch long eighteen gage needle stabbed deep into your muscles over and over while you clench and relax them as instructed.) i chatted with the nurse and played games on my phone. It wasn’t that I wasn’t in pain, it was just I was also outside of it. For teenagers with chronic pain a disassociation from themselves and their bodies is common, even expected. If I “grounded myself”, saw myself as In my body and of my body and nothing else I don’t know how I would survive. In order to live, to get out of bed or wash my hair or put on pants I have to separate ME from my body. It’s how I can pop my shoulder out of socket and put it back in during a conversation. It’s a matter of survival. And I’m tired of people saying that my pain isn’t real or valid because of it.

anonymous asked:

Could you list all of the tropes that you consider "feel good violence"?

Okay, “Feel Good Violence” is very simple as a concept. It’s violence that feels good, when you’re reading it, when you’re watching it on screen, because for the perpetrator violence can feel really damn good. However, that is violence when taken outside of context. It is violence without consequences. It is violence for the sake of violence. Violence that serves no purpose but to prove the character or person is tough.

Protagonist Sanctioned Bullying - Bullying in general is a fairly popular method to achieve “Feel Good Violence” because bullying does feel good. The audience sympathizes with the protagonist, so when the protagonist acts they cheer for it. Its not presented as bullying by the narrative, but it is still bullying. Usually it’s a rival or a character set up to “deserve it”, but sometimes not.

Making people afraid makes you feel tough. Many authors will fall prey to the sweet lure of bullying and not even know it because bullying is violence without fear of consequence. Most often, they’ve been the recipients rather than the perpetrators, and acting as the bully is a very different ballgame. It is an emotional and psychological high. You feel big, strong, safe, and untouchable. Powerful. In their worst incarnations, most superheroes become bullies.

Bullying is all about control, protected status, and freedom from consequences. An entirely fictional world creates the opportunity for all these things, with the narrative itself siding with the bully. Bullying is Feel Good Violence writ large in real life. It’ll follow you into the fictional world just as easily. Power is a high you never forget.

This is very common trope for characters who also act as a means of self-insertion by the author. For them, it isn’t bullying. It’s an example of how awesome their character is and how tough they are.

Everything But Dead - When the only morals applied are if someone died, the rest is sanctioned without comment. There are no narrative consequences for the character’s behavior, and everyone cheers them on. Anyone who calls them out is an acceptable target, usually evil, or the protagonist wins them over in the end because their actions are “justified”.

By Any Means Stupid - This is the “by any means necessary“ trope, where the violence really isn’t necessary and the author just wanted an excuse to paint the room red.

Unprovoked Violence Is Always the Solution - This is the one where the protagonist skips all the other steps and goes straight to preemptive violence against a total stranger, for no reason other than it makes them appear tough. Usually not framed by the narrative as bad, but it is. Oh, yes, it is. Worse there usually aren’t any consequences for the hero physically assaulting someone in a room full of witnesses because everyone knows they’re the hero, right?

Random Violence Before Strangers is A-Okay -  The protagonist disembowels a bully in front of their victim in order to protect them and receives effusive thank yous. Nothing comes from this. The bad guy is dead. We all feel good. All is right in the world. Except… violence freaks people out.

Acceptable Targets - These are people designated by the writer as non-entities and targets for violence regardless of narrative context. A very slippery slope that is ever descending. But, you know, it feels good? Sure, so long as you’re not on the receiving end. This kind of dehumanization happens in real life too, just in case you were wondering.

Beating Up My Source - You have a character who collects information from an old standby, they threaten and beat up that standby regularly to show they’re tough. At what point does this seem like a terrible idea? Never! Hey, they’re a bad person so you feel good, right?

Waving My Gun Around - Trigger discipline is just the beginning of this problem. A gun is not a toy. but you’ll find a vast array of narratives who use it that way in order to look tough.

Killing Your Way to the Top - You can’t really destroy organizations like this. Killing the people at the top will just lead to someone else taking their place. Whenever you create a power vacuum someone will fill it. You can’t destroy an organization by killing. It doesn’t work. But, it feels good!

Must Obviously Be Boy - Because female fighters are unicorns and the mooks have never laid eyes on a woman before. Usually part of a larger narrative issue with violence, but acts as a “get out of jail free” card.

Clear the Building - That time the character decided to knock everyone out to prove that they are tough. Weirder when it happens on stealth missions.

I Am Not Gaining Levels - When you’re reading a book and the character is fighting like it’s a video game. They fight everyone like they’re in an RPG chasing XP. Why? We don’t know, but it makes them feel good.

Let Me Shoot Him Twenty Times - We could call this spray and pray, but let’s pretend for a moment the magazine could run dry.

Magic Bullets - The bullets that go where you want, stop when you want, and don’t cause accidental casualties. You know, like the protagonist blind firing through a wall and hitting a four year old playing in the yard across the street.

Body Armor Always Prevents A Blow-through - Nope!

New to Training, Perfect Sparring - That time the main character took on their evil rival (school’s top/better trained student) in a sparring match and won, especially when it was their first day.

Sparring Just In General - The vast majority of Western media doesn’t understand the concept or purpose of sparring. Many authors seem to think its a UFC match where you just beat each other up and the first thing you do during training to “assess your capabilities”.

Queuing for Combat - This is an old Hollywood trick where the burden of a group fight is lifted as the stuntmen wait their turn to fight the protagonist. Particularly egregious in written action sequences where the author doesn’t grasp the concept of teamwork. It also warps the understanding of how many people its possible for a human to fight at once.

Terrible At Torture - Torture is a terrible way to gain information in general because it doesn’t lead to a confession so much as confirmation bias. The subject will tell you whatever you want to hear because they want the pain to stop. It’s even worse when done poorly, which it is 90% of the time. Usually, media uses it for shock value or to prove how tough a protagonist is. Torture is not putting a blowtorch to someone’s foot and hoping for the best. It’s far, far more complicated than that. Neither torturer nor subject come out of the experience whole. Besides, the unimaginative protagonists say, “screw you!” The clever ones lie.

What Is: Dress for Success - How we dress our characters is often necessary for crafting a sense of narrative realism. This comes in often as a reason for why its so difficult to take female action heroes seriously, but it happens to the guys too. Not a bad trope on its own, but often symptomatic of a larger narrative approach to violence that ends with “feel” and “good”.

Beautiful and Badass - This one is a very specific female fantasy, which is that you can meet all the cultural standards and definitions for beauty while being in direct defiance of them. These are the female characters who are never touched by the combat they engage in. They are always graceful, always elegant, always beautiful in motion and the narrative will pause to tell us this often. “She fights like she’s dancing.” For these characters, their supermodel-esque beauty is a natural extension of their being. They don’t work at it. Combat is incidental. It’s a set piece to tell you how awesome the character is. It generally amounts to nothing, serves no real narrative purpose, but by god the author is going to walk us through it in excruciating detail. Combat and character are separate, and consequences are for other people.

My Instincts Performed A Wheel Kick - Your instincts just don’t work that way.

There’s probably more, but that hits most of the major sins.

Keep in mind that many of these tropes are not issues by themselves. They often work when context and consequences are taken into account by their narrative/setting. Generally, this results in characters with no accountability for their behavior and exhibit no responsibility for their actions. The issue, of course, is that responsibility and accountability are what make well-written violence work. Violence often drives the narrative. It’s part and parcel to who the character is, and their decision making. It’s the difference between a character who presents themselves as tough or skilled and one who actually is.

-Michi

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i invite you to examine the offended dignity in mamoru’s posture. HE HEARD LUNA TALK AND USAGI IS LYING ABOUT IT TO HIS FACE. what the hell else is going on in his head? i mean other than the fact that…    

“she’s a terrible liar and has an awesome secret. it can’t possibly be that she’s not admitting it because i’m wearing a tuxedo in the afternoon – after all, that should be MORE proof that she should be able to tell me, because if i’m the kind of person who wears a tuxedo in the afternoon, then probably nobody’s going to believe me if i go around saying a cat can talk. and besides!! i lowered my voice and everything!! i’m not making a scene about it! SHE is!”    

look at his shoulders getting all hunched up and his arms straightening and his chin jutting out and his eyebrows getting even scowlier.  

“she can’t POSSIBLY be running away and lying because i’m making a scary face, right? my face is not scary, it’s very pretty and even old ladies and other male model hobbyists tell me so. also there is all this blushing. even she blushed!! ugh, people, how do i even people, life is hard and my classy honesty is underappreciated.”   

Duo - Peter Parker

request -  okay so y/n is part of the avengers (she’s peter’s age) & peter does something that practically kills him. y/n freaks out & goes to hold him while the rest of the avengers just watch her in pity. they take peter & tell y/n to go cool down. and then when peter wakes up, he is sternly told by tony to go see y/n before she goes crazy. sorry this is long & specific ❤️ love your writing btw!! one of my favorite blogs

a/n - i had went back and forth with a lot of ideas on this fic, and i really hope it doesn’t seem rushed and i hope it turned out okay and not a flop like me :( but don’t forget to request a peter parker/spider-man fic if you want and follow!

Another building came down to the ground as another crowd ran from the scene, only being able to hear their own screams as the enemy came to terrorize New York. It was only another work of Hydra, trying to come and ruin the lifestyle that so many people have made here. It was fight, after fight, after fight, after fight, and I didn’t know if I could take it anymore.

Peter and I, both natives of Queens, and also the youngest on the team. When Peter and I had first arrived to Headquarters, Captain didn’t hesitate to warn us that most enemies target the younger party the most, and that the rest of the team would prioritize the safety of Peter and I before their own.

Today’s situation seemed to be a bit more difficult than the others, from when I looked up and saw Tony struggling to keep another part of a building from falling to when I saw Natasha almost beaten by one of Hydra’s minions. Something about today was just a bit, off.

“(Y/N)!” I heard Rogers call. I turned around to see his shield coming my way, gripping it tightly and slamming it into the bodies of Hydra’s concoctions. They were out within a second, having me throw the shield back to Rogers. He then ran off with Clint, leaving myself and Wanda to deal with the others.

“Where’s Parker?” Natasha spoke into the intercom. My heart dropped as I looked up and tried to find the boy, hoping to see a spot of red and blue anywhere. I turned around as my last hope, calming down when I saw him swinging from one building to the other, coming closer to the scene.

“Southside on 54th, coming right this way.” I said.

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the bold type was so unprecedented like i watched that first episode n kat is all “ahhh im a proud hetero u kno :-)” and i rly thought that was gonna be the end of it! i thought it was gonna go the exact way of all “str8 woman meets a lesbean n thinks she’s being hit on” content where theres clear chemistry that every queer on earth picks up on but str8s cant see and that would be it! and i just kind of resigned myself to the fact that this was just gonna be another feminist=str8 girl power shows

but then the intro to the second episode was like “no kat is entirely smitten! this plot line is not only ongoing but going to take up a third of the shows action!” yall i was YELLING and im really not exaggerating when i say i have never seen this kind of queer female rep….ever

this relationship. is btwn 2 woc. one of whom is a practicing muslim lesbian who wears the hijab (and as the sapphic love interest of color for the questioning main is everything that uhhhh floriana LIAR wishes she/sanvers ship was and thats the tea!)

and one of whom is a biracial Black woman who very realistically questions her orientation and its just…..the thing abt it is she’s so excited to figure this out! She’s confused and doesn’t rly know how to handle these feelings but she’s still havin fun on the journey! shes just havin a good time! and i have NEVER seen that before. the coming out process is always framed as this painful horrible excruciating sad process and at times yeah it is but other times? it’s nice. sometimes it is really truly just Good and (for the moment) untouched by all the sad parts str8 society forces on us.

and when kat tells her friends that shes questioning they just…support her? sutton says “we have to unpack this!” all excitedly bc she rly just wants to help! she wants to help kat figure it out bc she’s just a genuinely good friend! she’s! not! trying! to! label! kat!

jane lets kat fish a yoni egg out of her vag in a scene that WASN’T framed as a “haha were all just So Straight this isnt even weird! Like I love straight we can act so gay and just Be Straight u kno :)” like literally 3 seconds before kat was talkin abt how she might be into girls n jane still asks her to take it out AND doesn’t make any “haha don’t enjoy this TOO much :-)” type jokes or seem uncomfortable abt anything besides the fact that her friend has a hand inside her vagina like….in this age of Bad allyship where “”“”“"friendly”“”“”“ homophobia has kind of? Become? A thing? hell nope this scene and this friendship changed my whole ass life!!

Touches

Summary: After having a nightmare where he couldn’t save you, Bucky takes it upon himself to make sure you’re always safe. Based off a request sent in by @snuggleducky 

Word Count: 1,953

Warnings: None.

A/N: This is fluffy and cute. I hope you all enjoy it!

Originally posted by oursisthefvry


Cold sweat running down his face, Bucky flung the sheets off his body and staggered out of bed. Clutching his chest with his flesh hand, he let his nails dig into his bare skin, anchoring him to the present time. He blinked repeatedly, eyes quickly getting used to the darkness around him, the moon just barely peeking through the blinds.

Heart beating rapidly, he took a deep breath as he padded across the room and made a beeline to the kitchen. It was easy enough to pry open the refrigerator and grab a cold bottle of water. Bucky almost broke it as he tore the lid off and brought it up to his lips, gulping it all down within seconds.

He leaned against the kitchen counter using the heels of his hands, body curving slightly as he stretched, got his body used to being awake after being stuck in deep sleep, in a nightmare.

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Harry Potter’s laugh.

Draco first hears it on the Hogwarts Express. But when he enters the offending compartment, he finds Harry Potter with a Weasley. Which can’t be right.

Later, he hears it at the feast and begins the first of many extended stares across the Great Hall to the Gryffindor table. Potter doesn’t notice yet.

As the years pass, Draco is always seeking that sound. Even sometimes when it’s at his own expense. It is always worth it.

When Voldemort curses the dark mark on his arm, it’s the sound that consumes his thoughts and distracts him from the excruciating pain. A barrier between him and the darkness.

It’s the only thing that gets him through sixth year, even as he follows the orders of a man he despises. And it’s a distorted high pitched version of that sound he hears when Harry Potter slashes his chest wide open and he thinks he might die.

After that he doesn’t hear it in his head anymore. And Harry Potter doesn’t return to Hogwarts for their seventh year.

When the war is finally over, Harry Potter doesn’t seem to make that sound anymore, or even smile. Every picture in The Daily Prophet shows a grim, solemn face.

Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy meet again when they bump into one another at Diagon Alley. For a moment they just stare at each other, both uncertain what to say after so many years and with a history like theirs.

Until Draco sticks out a hand and says “The name’s Malfoy….Draco Malfoy.”

And Harry Potter laughs.

Evidence Nicole could be a werewolf

Now, I don’t really think she is, but I find it interesting and it could explain some things.

°Nicole immediately jumps to some supernatural shit once something bad happens in purgatory.

°Nicole is completely ready to accept the fact that purgatory is overrun by demons and that doc Holliday is alive. She never evens questions doc on how he’s still alive. She doesn’t question how purgatory is run by demons. She just accepts it completely.

°She’s exceptionally perceptive. I mean, she can hear wynonna walking into the police station in time for her to break the kiss between her and Waverly. She can tell when wynonna is coming up the steps when Waverly couldn’t (“guess we’re still fighting…”). She told Waverly that she tastes different. Who says that?? Like, why didn’t she say something like “Waverly, your breath is terrible.” Why, “You taste different”??

°She heals FAST. In all reality, getting shot with a bulletproof vest should’ve broken her ribs. She should’ve been in excruciating pain. But she’s able to talk to Waverly for a few good minutes, and the next time we see her she’s got a tiny bruise. Not only that, but remember how she was still tender when Waverly reached under her shirt? Didn’t they have sex a day later? How did she loose that tenderness so fast???

°She wants to be part of the pack. Is it just me, or does Nicole seem a bit too upset that she’s not being included? It could be because she doesn’t want to be a lone wolf and wants to be accepted by the pack and not doing so is getting her down. Lone wolves are typically depressed until they join a pack.

… Okay, I might accept the theory a bit more now.

anonymous asked:

That 'its lexa' scene killed me, like, clarke looks like she's about to break into pieces....

That scene is as brief as it’s impactful and excruciating. For Clarke, it’s the climax of an emotional journey she had to endure throughout the whole episode and it’s raw to watch and experience and it just leaves me so heartbroken for her.

From the beginning of the episode, we see her being emotionally hammered down again and again and again: Jasper telling her she deserves to die, ALIE!Raven bringing up all her ghosts and making her feel even guiltier about Lexa’s death, Jasper again rejecting her apology. She has her walls up, hasn’t let them down since Lexa’s death, but It’s evident that this all weighs down on her heavily. What makes her especially fragile in this episode is that she has no chance for escapism. Ever since Lexa died, Clarke has kept herself busy/distracted with things she must do, right? First, it’s making sure Aden wins the Conclave and that he honors Lexa’s wish of having Skaikru join the Coalition and being protected. She literally rejects Aden’s offer of having a private moment with Lexa’s body.

She can’t do that, she can’t deal with that pain just yet, it’s too fresh and overwhelming. Having that moment would mean having to process Lexa’s death, having to embrace grief, which she’s not ready to do. Her only option is to ignore it, to hide from it.

After Ontari kills Aden and all the Natblida, Clarke’s focus shifts to making sure Ontari doesn’t become Commander, taking the Flame to Luna and protecting the Flame with her life. It’s her drive throughout 3B. There’s an interesting single-mindedness that characterizes her throughout the rest of the season. She needs to focus on this mission, there is little room for anything else. If she stopped, even for a minute, her feelings would be impossible to avoid. It’s a defense mechanism. She shuts the door on grief and clings to what she has: a distraction (the never-ending list of concerns she has to deal with), a hopeless hope that not everything is lost (the Flame).

But then we get to 311.

It’s a peculiar kind of episode, for most of its runtime taking place in a closed environment. But not only that: in this episode, for a long time the characters are forced to stall. There are few exceptions (Octavia and Monty), but for almost the whole episode we are stuck at Niylah’s trading post with the characters, who are racking their brains as they try to find a solution to save Raven, and waiting. Because there is nowhere to rush to, nothing they can do. Nothing Clarke can do. Even when they devise a plan to try and fry the chip, it’s someone else who has to go out and find what they need to carry out the task, not her. She is, quite simply, stuck. Not only physically, but she is stuck with her thoughts and her feelings. And that has consequences of course.

As I said before, we see Clarke getting progressively closer and closer to her breaking point. She first snaps after the continuous hits at her heart by ALIE!Raven, when she reminds her of all the people that died because of her. That it’s not really Clarke’s fault is irrelevant, Clarke feels that guilt and bears it constantly, and in a moment as tense and delicate as that one, it brings her to lash out. What’s interesting to me is that it’s not an immediate reaction. ALIE!Raven first uses Wells, Charlotte, and Finn and while clearly still affected, Clarke recognizes ALIE!Raven’s strategy and manages to mostly ignore her. But then, she mentions Lexa, and Clarke’s reaction is entirely different. (x)

It’s so different from her previous strained attempts at ignoring what is being said to her that even ALIE notices it, with that head tilt she does when she’s learning something new. Clarke here doesn’t even try to pretend she’s not affected by Lexa’s mention. She directly goes and tells ALIE!Raven to shut up. She looks up the second she hears Lexa’s name, her glare is deadly, her words are seething. She doesn’t wanna hear this, she can’t hear this. Also! This isn’t the first time someone told her she was responsible for Lexa’s death, with Titus telling her he pulled the trigger but it was her fault. You can bet that had a great impact on Clarke and made her only more sensitive to ALIE!Raven’s words.

And the comment about her father’s death is the last straw. So we get her lashing out and literally trying to gag Raven so she doesn’t have to hear this any longer.

The heartbreaking thing is that she pretty much gets no respite. Bellamy takes her place in the room with Raven, but Jasper is immediately there to remind her about Mt Weather and how she killed all those people and Maya. She’s literally on the verge of tears when he rejects her apology and roughly pushes past her.

All this shows she is incredibly close to reaching her limit. All that tension and pain and guilt is like a fire simmering inside her, a fire she has no way to cool down because as I said, she is deprived of almost any distraction. She spends the episode being reminded of what she did and most importantly, of what, who, she lost.

So when Jasper grabs the Flame and is ready to destroy it, Clarke’s walls shatter. Faced with the possibility of losing yet another thing extremely important to her, she has no way of shutting down her pain and grief any longer. (x)

She panics when she realizes what Jasper is about to do. She is frantic in trying to get the Flame back, desperation is written all over her. The possibility of losing the one part of Lexa she has left propels forward that fire of pain and grief. Lexa is gone, this is all she has left of her, and she can’t bear to lose that too. All her restraint, her imposed control over her emotions, is useless in this brief moment. And so…

She doesn’t use logic to try to stop Jasper, it’s her heart here begging him to not take Lexa from her. It’s raw, it’s charged with every emotion ranging from despair to heartbreak, it’s harrowing. For this brief moment, Clarke is stripped down, emotionally bare and vulnerable. She doesn’t avoid her grief, she embraces it. She even arrives to relive details of the moment Lexa died.

Oh, and that “I’m not–” she says immediately after, right before pausing and figuring out how to save Raven. That breaks my heart because I can’t help but wonder what she was going to say. “I’m not making this up… I’m not lying… I’m not crazy.” She needs Jasper to believe her because otherwise, she is going to lose that part of Lexa she still has, however small. The fact that her reaction is so intense and heart-wrenching is only a proof of just how much she loves Lexa and of how much pain and sorrow her death caused to Clarke.

And when eventually Jasper gives the Flame back to her, Clarke treats it like something incredibly precious. She cradles it in her hands, she brings it close to her chest, almost protectively, she keeps her eyes set on it, she is extremely careful in putting it back in the case. She takes her time with everything and if you look at the scene, you can see that from the moment she gets the Flame back to when she places it back in the case, it’s almost like it’s just Clarke and the Flame. She focuses only on that. She’s still got it, she can still hold on to it, to Lexa. And it’s a thin consolation, yes. It’s probably more painful than relieving, because the Flame is at the end of the day a reminder that Lexa is dead and Clarke lost her. 

Clarke is grieving and she should be allowed to go through every stage of her grief, but unfortunately, that is not the case with her. Everything she is feeling is written on her face, every unresolved, painful emotion tied to Lexa’s death. But the moment is gone, and with one last look, she collects herself as best as she can and she goes back to her mission. (x)

To me, this is one of the things that make this entire scene even more devastating. We get a glimpse at the enormity of the pain that Clarke is feeling, we see every visceral emotion she is hiding behind her mask of stoicism, but she isn’t allowed to properly deal with it, and thus, to heal.

Anyway, I made myself sad. To cut it short, the main point of all this is that Clarke loved Lexa immensely and this scene proves it.

Lies and Make ups ~ Peter Parker

Summary: You find out Peter is spider man, angry and disappointed you try and ignore him, but you can’t stay away.

Word count: 1,396

Warnings: minor swearing, and a short make out


Ned and I were sitting on Peter’s bed waiting for him to get home from his “Stark internship”. Which I think is actual bs. It may be true he’s working with Stark but there’s something else to this. He’s lying about something. Ned was holding the death star he had just finished, fiddling with the lego characters as I sighed and laid back.

“Do you think Peter’s going to be back soon?” Ned asked me as moved around trying to get comfortable.

“Who knows when he’ll be back from his stark internship” I replied my voice laced with annoyance. We sat there a couple minutes longer until we heard the window opening. Ned was about to say something, but I sprung up covering his mouth. I was thinking it might be a robber or something because who would come through the window, but all of the sudden Spiderman was on the ceiling of Peter’s room. Ned’s mouth was practically on the ground. Mine was the same as his as spider man took off his mask revealing my best friend since age 3. Peter fucking  Parker. Peter closed the door and both Ned and I were both speechless until Peter turned around his mouth even wider than Ned as he dropped the death star on the ground.

“You’re spider man” Ned exclaimed

“No, I’m not” Peter Panicked

“Peter you were literally crawling on the ceiled” I squealed.

“I can’t believe this is happening right,” he said under his breath taking off his suit and standing in only his boxers. I mean I wasn’t complaining because he got ripped. I definitely was staring too long because I saw Peter blush and bow his head. The shock soon turned into anger. I grabbed my bag about to leave until out of nowhere May burst into this very awkward situation and told Peter they were going out to dinner and quickly telling him to put clothes on. Ned was freaking out and I just kind of stood there silent. Peter quickly told us we needed to leave obviously not in the mood to deal with this. Ned was still attacking Peter with questions and got up quickly leaving the room not wanting to deal with this either. I felt Peter’s eyes burning a hole in the back of my head. He knew I was angry with him. I was feeling a huge mix of anger, sadness, anxiety, and annoyance. I wasn’t really that mad I was more upset that he didn’t trust me and that he had been ditching me and lying to me constantly. I was also upset that as a 15-year-old boy he was putting himself in dangerous situations where he could easily die. I lived in the same apartment as Peter and Ned I just lived 2 stories above. I opened up the door to my apartment and practically ran to my room and plopped into my bed. I turned off my lamp immediately going to bed. To be completely honest I didn’t want to think about this anymore.

The next morning I woke up wishing last night was a dream, but I had to face reality, but I didn’t have to deal with it directly. So I rushed and put clothes on and texted Ned I was not going to walk to school them today because I had to get there early to talk to a teacher. Which was bullshit because I didn’t want to deal with Peter at all today, but that was going to be a challenge since I had 4 classes with him, sat by him in 2. Good thing I brought my headphones. Today was going to be a long day. Of course, I had the first hour with him. Plus we were doing a lab in chemistry and he was my partner.  I decided it would be best if I walked in last minute with both my headphones in thinking he’d possibly take the hint, but knowing Peter I doubt he would leave me alone. I walked into class as the bell rang and ducked my head down a bit thinking no one would notice me.

“Y/N you look pissed” Flash laughed

“Shut it asshole” I spat, Flash is a grade A douchebag and hate him more than I hate Peter right now and to be completely honest that’s saying a lot.

“Damn girl you’re feisty today,” he said with a raspy tone, I rolled my eyes, and took my seat next to Peter who was fidgeting and looked like he was about to jump out of his seat.

“Y/N listen I’m sor-”

“Peter I don’t want to hear it, your secret safe with me”

“Wait Y/N bu-”

“Peter we can talk about this later let’s just get this lab done please, I don’t want to deal with this right now”  I argued, it almost sounded like I was whining. It got Peter to back off though and that’s what I needed. I wasn’t truly mad anymore. I was just upset he didn’t trust me.

The bell finally rang after an excruciating 49 minutes of Peter staring at me with puppy dog eyes. This kid knew exactly how to get me to forgive him. I’m a sucker for those damn puppy eyes. What sucked is the rest of the day he looked at me like that, but it was different from the times he used them when we were just play fighting. He actually looked like he was in so much pain. He looked like he was suffering, and I felt horrible. It was the end of the day, and I saw him moping by his locker. I honestly suck at holding grudges and the more I think about I understand why he didn’t tell me. He turned around and made eye contact with me and the world began going in slow motion. His brown orbs made me feel as if I was melting into the ground. I could literally see tears form in his eyes and I couldn’t be even slightly angry anymore. I just began walking towards him.

“Y/N please don’t hate me, I can’t lo-” I cut him off pulling him into a hug. I had my hand around his neck and I buried my head into his neck breathing in his scent. I think I took him by surprise because it took him a second to wrap his arms around my waist and hug me tighter that I was hugging him.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you Y/N, I just wanted to keep you safe” he whispered, I pulled from the hug and held his cheek.

“Hey look, Peter, It’s okay  I’m not mad anymore, I seriously overreacted,” I said wiping a single tear from his cheek.

“No it’s not okay I feel ho-” I cut him off grabbing the collar of his shirt and planting my lips on his. I don’t know what the hell had gotten into me, but his lips felt amazing. My eyes were closed, but if they were open I knew his eyes would be wide open. It took him a couple seconds to comprehend what was happening, but after a good 10 seconds he started to kiss bad and placed his hands on my hips. I removed my hands from his collar and wrapped them around his neck and started to tug on his hair causing him to groan into my mouth, making me smile into the kiss. I felt his tongue swipe my bottom lip and I gladly let his tongue slip into my mouth. He squeezed my hips making me moan into his mouth which makes him chuckle. I pulled him even closer to me than humanly possible, but eventually, I had to pull away for air resting my forehead on his.

“Wow,” I said breathlessly.

“If I knew that was gonna happen if you found out, I would have told you way sooner,” he said still shocked at what had just happened

“Oh my god Peter” I giggle pushing his chest. He grabbed my hand and we began walking home. I honestly have no idea what I just did, but this was gonna change everything, and think for the better.

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